The Give Away Girl
by MrsSpaceCowboy
Summary: Honor student Bella Swan has mastered the arts...of manipulating her divorced parents, rolling the perfect joint, and faking an orgasm. Who wouldn't want to keep a girl like her? An unconventional coming of age tale for Gen Xer Bella. Rated M. *Complete*
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a plastic storage bin filled with notes from my husband and best friends that were written 1990-1995. Those notes and memories from those days helped inspire this story. Big thanks to my sis for looking over this. She doesn't have a degree in English, but she does have one in Law. So, play nice, and don't steal. Any mistakes left are mine. **

** If you are under the age of 18, please do not continue. This story is rated M for lots of reasons.  
><strong>

**Welcome to the 90s.**

Chapter 1_  
><em>

_Shadow in my heart is tearing me apart_

_Or maybe it's just something in my stars_

_(Hole In My Life- The Police)_

**August 1991**

My hands are tangled in long black hair as I pull him closer. Soft lips ghost across my neck, and I sigh. I'm ready. I'm moaning and pushing against the warmth. Just when I think he's finally going to give me what I want, there's a loud ringing noise. It starts softly, and I try to ignore it. The touches become lighter as the sound grows louder. He's fading. As I slowly wake, he disappears completely, and I growl in frustration.

_So close._

Now that I'm fully awake, I glance over at the clock on the bedside table. It isn't even ten yet. Someone is going to die.

The ringing stops as I push the comforter away and sit up.

Before I can even stand, it starts again.

"Son of a bitch!"

Now, I'm pissed. Everyone knows not to call before noon in the summer. Or on Saturdays.

I stumble down the stairs as quickly as I can and make a run for the kitchen.

"Hello?" I'm out of breath and my voice is still scratchy from sleep.

"Bella!"

I should have known. Only one person is stupid enough to call me this early and have the audacity to be cheery about it.

"Emmett," I hiss his name like an expletive. "You idiot! I was just about to have my wicked way with Chris Cornell. He was naked. Really naked and hot and what the hell do you want anyway?"

By the time I finish, I'm shouting.

And he's laughing.

I'm so pissed, it takes a moment to register that he isn't the only one laughing. There are definitely two male voices laughing at my early morning tirade.

"What the hell, Emmett? Do you seriously still have that piece of shit Swatch phone? Who the hell is on the other receiver? Alec? Felix?"

I can't believe he still has the same phone he had in sixth grade. Twin receiver phones were all the rage. In 1987.

"You know what? I don't give a shit who it is. I'm going back to bed. Goodbye, Emmett!"

The phone is almost in the cradle when I hear him shout, "Wait!"

It would absolutely serve him right if I hang up on him. I'm tempted to do it, but I know Emmett, and even if I hang up, he'll call back over and over again until I answer. Fucker.

I bring the receiver back to my ear, and I don't say a word.

"I think she hung up." That's not Emmett's voice. I don't recognize that voice.

"Who the hell is this?" I question. I'm tired. I'm certainly not in the mood to play games.

"That's Edward."

Right. I vaguely remember Emmett saying his mother's sister and her family would be moving to Port Angeles over the summer. I guess Edward must be the cousin from Seattle I've heard Emmett mention occasionally over the years.

"Well, nice to meet you, Edward. Hope you'll love it in the Port. Emmett, are we done here? I would really love to go back to bed." I'm not kidding. There are only two weeks left until school starts, and my plan is to spend as much of that time sleeping as possible.

"So I'm guessing you don't want the souvenir I picked up for you in Jamaica…"

He has my attention now, and he knows it. I love presents.

I take a deep breath, and dig around deep inside for the cordial person I know exists, but normally doesn't wake up until mid-afternoon.

"Of course I want it. What is it?" I'm so sweet you could add me to a cup of coffee.

"Ah ah ah. Not telling. When can we hang? Are you free this weekend?"

I rack my brain, not only because I want the gift, but also because I haven't seen Emmett since the last day of school. I spent the first few weeks of break wrapped up in Forks, and dealing with the aftermath of Jake and…

I stop that train of thought before the anger and disappointment swallow me.

Then Em left for Jamaica, and I left with Renee for Mexico.

I missed him. A little. I'll never, ever tell him that. He really is the only good thing about PA High.

"I've got plans with The Pack this weekend." I don't have to fake the disappointment in my voice. I'd like to see Emmett.

"The pack?" I'd forgotten that Emmett's cousin was still on the line. He's been quiet, but it sounds like curiosity may have gotten the best of him.

I open my mouth to explain, and Em beats me to it.

"The Forks Pack. Bella, Alice, Leah, and Carmen…all smoking hot, bad-ass bitches. They've been 'The Pack' since third grade. They're inseparable."

I swallow down the lump that lodges in my throat every time I think of my girls and how things were before Renee came back.

"Were inseparable, Em. Were." I whisper it, hoping he can't hear the tears in my voice.

"Oh, please! Like school really matters." Em is jovial and upbeat, and like always, he refuses to let me nosedive into negativity.

"How is Alice? Do you think she might be ready to let me in those panties yet?"

I have to laugh at this, because really, Em has been trying to score with my best friend, Alice Brandon, since seventh grade. She's told him a million times it will never happen. He never listens. Thank God one of them has a brain.

"Sure," I answer cheerfully. "Jasper Whitlock would probably rip your head off for even trying, though."

I give him the abbreviated version of the Jasper and Alice summer love story. The unabridged version isn't quite as flowery and picturesque. In fact, it's the stuff that pornos are made of, but those details are Pack privileged.

He's only mildly disappointed. It's not like Em has trouble finding play.

"So…." I can tell by the way he draws out the word, he is about to say something that will be at least mildly upsetting for me. "I ran into Embry the other day."

No one "runs into" Embry Call. He's the only decent source in the Forks and Port Angeles area. He grew up in La Push and moved to the Port as soon as he graduated from high school. He never liked the res. He works part time in a video rental store, but he makes his money selling weed and acid from a shitty apartment in the warehouse district. If Em "ran into" him, it was absolutely intentional.

I haven't seen Embry in months. I bought an entire summer stash since I knew I would spend most of my summer away from PA. I'm not friends with him, and I can't help but wonder why Em thinks I even care that he saw Embry.

Then he drops a bomb.

"Jake was there. When I was, I mean. I heard him talking to that guy Quil. He was wasted and talking about how that girl…that Maria chick?" He pauses, but he doesn't have to. Of course I know who Maria is. I'm not sure I'm still breathing. "Well, it turns out she gave him gonorrhea! He said he had green shit coming out of his dick. And you'll love this. The doctor had to stick some rod with spikes down in his dick hole and scrape out all the funk."

I'm stunned. I have no idea what to say.

"God, Emmett. It's called the urethral opening." Edward sounds exasperated.

"Sorry, Dr. Dick." Emmett is laughing.

I'm still silent, absorbing this newest revelation in the Bella/Jake Saga.

"Bella?" Edward sounds concerned. My silence must speak volumes.

I still haven't found my voice.

"Come on, Bella. I thought you'd appreciate that. It's like dick karma, or something. He cheated and ended up with rot dick. He got what was coming to him. I told him so. I just wanted you to know. Have you, ya know…been checked out since the break up?"

I blink.

"We didn't…not after…I mean…fuck." I'm dragging in deep breaths, trying really hard not to freak out. "Protection. We always used protection, and he broke up with me the day after they…"

It is so pathetic that I can't talk about this, three months after the fact.

"Hey," Em's voice is sympathetic now, and I hate it. "I thought you'd be happy the asshole got what he deserves."

Suddenly, I'm angry.

"I'm thrilled, Emmett. Now, I'm not just some pathetic chick who got cheated on and dumped. I'm the girl who got dumped for a skank with a crusty crotch. I feel so much better."

I hate that I sound so bitter, but I can't help it. None of this was supposed to happen.

"I'm going to go. I'll call you later when I find out what The Pack has planned for this weekend. Maybe we can hook up."

I don't have to elaborate. He knows by "hook up," I mean hang out. Any other context of hooking up between the two of us would just be gross.

"Sorry, Bella." And I can tell that he is. Even though none of it is his fault.

Thirty minutes later, I'm on Alice's bed relaying the entire conversation to her over bowls of Fruity Pebbles.

She cackles, and green milk shoots out of her nose. It's enough to make me laugh, too.

This is why I came here. If anyone can make things better, it's Alice. She's been my rock for ages, and she always knows exactly what I need. It turns out this morning I needed the kind of bowl you smoke on the back deck and a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

She recovers and tips the bowl to finish off the sugary milk, before slipping into the bathroom to clean the cereal debris from the stud in her nose. Gross. I like the way her nose ring looks, but not enough to deal with shit like that.

I carry our dishes down to the kitchen. Her mom, Jeannette, comes in through the back door as I'm rinsing them in the sink.

"Rough night?" I say it with a gentle smile, because I know Jeannette works her ass off as a nurse at the Forks hospital. She hates working night shifts, but the money is better so she does it. Alice isn't spoiled and her dad sends child support, but Jeannette puts most of that into a college fund. She told me once that she hated the idea of her asshole ex-husband "supporting" her. So, she does what it takes to pay the bills on her own.

"It wasn't too bad." She's smiling, but her eyes are glazed, and I can tell she's exhausted. There are grocery bags in her arms, so I step out to her car to help with the rest.

As we carry them in, she tells me about working late because her relief overslept and then taking care of errands so she can relax and do nothing until her shift tomorrow night.

Alice comes into the kitchen as we bring in the last bags. She hugs her mom, sends her off to bed, and the two of us put away the groceries.

"Really, Bella, I'm glad Em told you about Jake. It actually gives me a reason to look forward to the first day of school. Maria has always been such a bitch to everyone. It's nice to have ammunition against the stupid witch. Just wait until we tell the other half of The Pack. We'll make sure everyone at Forks High knows before the homeroom bell even rings."

"I don't know, Al." I shake my head, staring out the window. "It won't change anything."

"Yeah, well, she should have stayed away from Jake. She knew you guys were together. Everyone knew you were together."

"Everyone but Jake." And this is what it all comes down to. No matter how much I'd like to blame Maria and dog her out, Jake was the only person who had any obligation to me. "That's the part that hurts."

She moves closer, putting one arm around my shoulder. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to, and she knows it. We've been over this before.

Alice doesn't let me wallow. She pulls me into her room again, takes a seat on her bed, and pushes me down to the floor in front of her. I know what she wants, so I lean my head back into her lap. She brushes my hair and braids it as we listen to The Cure. I keep my eyes closed, and I relax.

"Al?"

"Yeah?"

"What are we doing this weekend? I know we have plans, but I can't remember. Em wants to hook up sometime before school starts and we all get busy."

"Peter's band has a show at The Hole on Friday night. We could go. I know Peter would love to see you."

Peter Whitlock is Jasper's cousin. He's eighteen, he's cute, and he's interested. I'm not.

"Sounds good."

The Hole is in PA, so Em should be able to catch a ride. I'll call him later to let him know.

"Al?"

She hums in acknowledgment, and I continue, "The show sounds good. But I'm not ready for anything. Peter is nice. I'm just not ready."

"Okay."

Alice won't push me. I know she just wants me to be happy. I tried the relationship thing. I tried, and I ended up miserable.

By the time Alice drives me home around six, we've smoked four bowls, she's painted my fingernails and toenails black, and she's braided a rainbow assortment of embroidery string into my hair.

Charlie glances up as I walk in the front door. He's planted on the couch with the remote and a six pack. He cocks his head to the side, inhaling deeply.

"You look like a hooligan."

I glance down at my all black ensemble and grimace.

"Thanks, Dad."

He chuckles. "Anytime, kid. Anytime. There's pizza on the counter."

I grab two slices and a glass of water before making my way back to Charlie.

We watch TV for a bit. He leans forward during a commercial break, hands clasped in front of him. For the second time today, I'm apprehensive.

"I talked to Billy today."

Fuck. It always comes back to Jake. I'm so sick of how everything always comes back to this. It's my own fault for ever believing that dating my father's best friend's son could end well.

I stand.

"That's great, Dad. Goodnight."

"Sit down." He uses his Chief of Police voice on me. He knows it's far more effective than trying to act parental.

I sit. I also cross my arms across my chest petulantly. My lips are mashed together in a thin straight line. I am pissed, and I want him to know it.

He sighs.

"I wouldn't bother you with this, but it affects you directly."

I think I might throw up. That son of a bitch told his father! Told his father about the crusties. He told his father, who told my father, and now Charlie is going to ask me if I have gonorrhea.

_Shoot me now._

I close my eyes, waiting for it. There really isn't anything else I can do.

"I know you and Jacob didn't exactly end things amicably."

_Understatement of the year, Pops._

"But Billy and I have always been friends. We'll always be friends. He offered to sell me the old red truck at a reasonable price. I know it isn't new or even nice, but your birthday is coming up in a month. You'll be able to get your license, and it would be something for you to drive."

My eyes and my mouth fly open simultaneously.

"Holy shit!"

"Bella." He's admonishing me, but he's also smiling.

"Sorry! I just…I…" And I really don't know what to say. So I close my mouth, and throw myself at Charlie, hugging him tightly.

He hugs me back, and I can hear him sniffing my hair.

That's my cue to excuse myself before he smells the pot. I think he knows Alice and I smoke, but he hasn't chosen to address this particular activity. Yet.

I gather all the dishes before making my way into the kitchen. The phone rings as I place them in the sink. I lift the receiver, expecting it to be Alice.

"Guess what, bitch?" I squeal into the phone.

"Um, Bella?" It's a male voice. Definitely not Alice.

"This is Bella."

"Hi. This is Edward. Um…Emmett's cousin." He stammers it out. The poor guy sounds like he's about to have a stroke.

"Oh." What the hell is Emmett's cousin calling for?

"I asked Em for your number. I hope you don't mind."

_What the hell?_

"Why?" It comes out sharply.

I don't know this guy, and he doesn't know me. There is only one reason I can think of for him to call. And I'm not interested.

I can hear him breathing. It takes a moment for him to answer, and when he does I immediately feel like shit.

"I, uh, I don't know anyone here except Em. He's the only person I've hung out with since I got here last month. School starts soon, and I just thought I might not seem like a total loser if someone other than my cousin spoke to me."

_I'm an asshole._

"I'm an asshole." He should know this right away if we're going to be friends.

There is complete silence for a few moments, and then he laughs. He has a nice laugh. It's deep and rich and it doesn't sound fake at all.

"You're not like Emmett," I tell him.

I can just tell. Emmett is loud and obnoxious. Emmett is in your face. This guy…Edward…seems shy and hesitant. Emmett is anything but shy.

I suddenly feel very sorry for him.

Port Angeles High is a nightmare, especially for new kids. I learned that lesson the hard way two years ago. Emmett was the only person who spoke to me for the first week. I can be nice and repay that kindness by returning it to his cousin.

"No." His answer is quiet, and he sounds sad. "I'm not like Em at all."

"That's not a bad thing." I'm only half joking. I have a love/hate relationship with Emmett.

He doesn't laugh.

"So, Edward," I exaggerate his name. "Tell me about yourself." I use my best radio psychologist voice.

It works and he snorts.

"I can't just talk about myself. That's just weird." He's playful, but serious. I get it. I don't like talking about myself either.

"Okay. Fair enough. I'll ask you questions." I'm nosey enough to do it, too.

"Only if I get a turn."

"Deal." There can't be much he doesn't already know about me if he's spent the last month with Emmett. Since it's my game, I decide to go first.

"Why did you leave Seattle?"

"My dad's a doctor. He worked in an ER as a pediatrician in Seattle. I guess you could say he was burned out. He became a pediatrician because he loves kids. These last few years, he's barely been able to spend five minutes with his patients. He wanted something smaller. A smaller life. That's what my parents said, anyway."

He sounds like he's said this a hundred times.

"So you had to pick up and leave your friends and move? That sucks." I can totally empathize with this poor bastard. Only I got to keep my old friends. Forks is a lot closer than Seattle.

"I didn't have many friends. Just a few. I went to a private school. The kids there were all rich and stuck up. I hated it. I'm not really sorry that we left. What about you? Why are you the only one of The Pack that goes to PA?"

_Huh. Straight for the jugular. _

"My mom teaches at PA." I consider leaving it at that, but for some reason I feel like that would be cheating. "I went to Forks until eighth grade. When Renee, that's my mom, came back to Port Angeles, I agreed to live with her. The rest of The Pack is still at Forks."

"So your parents split up?"

"Yes. I was in elementary school when they split. Renee wanted to get her degree. She took classes at the community college in Port Angeles for a few years. She knew she wanted to be a teacher. She asked my dad to transfer to Seattle for a few years so she could finish up. He accepted the Chief of Police position and stayed in Forks instead. She left."

"I'm sorry." Everyone seems to be saying that to me today.

"Don't be. I'm fine. They're both fine. We're all better off." And that's the truth. It hurt when she left, but I'm older now, and I understand.

"So you stayed in Forks? With your dad?"

"I did. Renee was busy with school. I stayed with Charlie during the school year. During holidays and summer breaks, I visited Renee. She finished her degree, became a teacher, and moved back to PA."

"I see."

"We're supposed to be talking about you." He has sufficiently distracted me by managing to steer the conversation away from himself.

He laughs, telling me there is nothing interesting about him.

But as I listen to him talk about his parents and the books he's read this summer, I know that isn't true.

He turned sixteen in June, and his parents bought him a Volvo. He likes to drive fast.

He likes hair bands and grunge and blues guitar.

He plays Sega, he plays baseball, and he runs.

For fun. Why anyone would run for fun is beyond me. It took me over twenty minutes to run a mile in Phys Ed this past year. It took that long because I walked it. Bella Swan does not run.

Edward laughs when I share this with him.

He tells me the story of the first and only time he got drunk. He had four beers and threw up Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Emmett made fun of him for a week.

I only make fun of him for a few minutes.

I tell him about the first time I got drunk. There was tequila and, strangely enough, vomit and Emmett were also involved. I let him laugh at me again.

The house is dark and quiet and we've been talking for hours, when I hear a woman's voice telling Edward that she needs the phone. He's polite and respectful as he asks for just a moment to wrap things up.

"I've gotta go, Bella. Thanks for talking to me." He sounds happy and sincere.

It makes me happy too.

"Anytime, Edward." I don't remember the last time I had this much fun sober.

We're just about to hang up as I realize I am missing one important thing.

"Edward!" I whisper shout.

"Yeah?"

"What's your name? Your last name, I mean?"

"Cullen. Edward Cullen."

"Goodnight, Edward Cullen."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a Rob 2011 calendar my husband made me hang in my closet. Thank you, sis, for pre-reading this. All mistakes are mine. By the way, there's minor drug use in this chapter. **

Chapter 2

_I am myself_

_Like you somehow_

_I'll wait up in the dark_

_For you to speak to me_

_I'll open up_

_Release me_

_(Release- Pearl Jam)_

"Cullen, Mom. Edward Cullen," I repeat Edward's name for Renee again.

I've asked her to see what she can do to get Edward in as many classes with me or Emmett as possible. I forgot to ask him last night if he registered for honors or regular classes. When I mention this to Renee, she tells me not to worry. She'll talk to Mrs. Leonard, the secretary, and see what she can do.

I meet The Pack at Alice's house at our scheduled rendezvous time. We catch up over lunch. Leah and Carmen haven't seen Alice since before she left to spend last month in Mississippi with her dad, the asshole.

I don't really remember Alice's dad. He left Forks, and his family, long before we started grade school. Jeanette and Alice call him "the asshole" so much, I can't even remember what his real name is.

The only reason Alice visits him at all is her little sister, Cynthia. Her half-sister anyway. She's only six, and Alice adores her.

It's obvious she does not adore her father or "step-mommy." She's been complaining about them for the past half hour.

Finally, Carmen interrupts, suggesting we catch a movie in Port Angeles. We all agree quickly since this is Forks, and there is absolutely nothing to do here at three o'clock on a Tuesday.

Alice grabs the newspaper so we can check our options. She immediately chooses some Keanu Reeves surfer movie. We object and outnumber her, deciding to see some new release about a band playing soul music in Dublin. She pouts, but the unspoken agreement has always been majority rule.

We pile into Leah's Civic hatchback since she's the only one who can legally drive. Alice drives her mom's car to my house and the grocery store with her permit, but only because she has an "in" with the Chief of Police.

It reminds me of my good news, and I tell the girls all about my new truck; which reminds me that I haven't shared the news about Jake's dick with Leah and Carmen yet. So, I do.

They're horrified. And gleeful. I expected as much.

My girls all feel bad about what happened with me and Jake. They know how upsetting the whole ordeal was for me. They held me while I cried and fed me loads of chocolate chip ice cream.

But, as much as they love me, they all loathe Maria. She really is the biggest bitch on the planet. They're thrilled to death to find out she has rotten crotch. Luckily, we arrive at the movie theater before they decide to pull over at the nearest payphone to start spreading the news.

The movie is good. So good, Alice decides she must have the soundtrack. We walk to the music store. I'm scanning titles when I hear his voice.

"Well, well…look who it is!"

Jake is standing over me with a cocky grin plastered on his face. I feel small and trapped. I hate looking at his face.

Leah comes up behind me, slipping her arm around my waist. Of course it would be Leah, she has a built in Jake detector. She hates him even more than I do.

"Dog." Leah's tone is clipped and glacial.

"Mutt." His answering smile is disgusting.

_I can't believe he called her that_.

Leah's real dad was a well respected tribe member, until he met and married Leah's mother. Sue worked at her brother's law office as a secretary. Harry hired her brother to assist with some land dealings. It was love at first sight. The tribe was unhappy with the union, but out of respect, kept quiet. Until Harry was killed in the same car accident that killed Jake's mom and left his father crippled. With Harry gone, Sue and her children were met with the vocal demonstration of just how very unwelcome they were. Leah and her brother, Seth, were picked on relentlessly. Leah failed third grade because of the harassment and her own grief. Sue moved the family to Forks over summer break that year.

I can't believe he would say something so hurtful to one of my best friends. It gives me the courage to speak.

"How's your little green friend, Jake?" I ask with a nod towards his crotch.

His mouth drops open comically. I can feel mine harden into a thin line. He's looking around, probably trying to gauge how many people overheard my little outburst. I decide I'm nowhere close to being finished.

"I heard all about your unfortunate incident in the doctor's office…the scraper, the green puss, all of it." I make sure my voice is loud and clear enough for anyone in the music store to hear.

He steps towards me, angry and promising.

"You little bitch," he hisses, grabbing my arm.

"Let go of me!" I pull back my arm, and before I even realize it, punch him directly in the jaw with my opposite fist.

The pain is so intense I have to inhale and double over.

He laughs. He fucking laughs.

And I decide my hand really doesn't hurt that much after all.

I lunge for him, but before I make purchase, someone catches me around the middle and begins to drag me away.

"Don't you ever touch me again! Do you hear me, asshole? Don't put your filthy paws on me ever again!" My arms are swinging wildly as I yell.

I'm being carried out of the store. By a man. A large man. By the time we reach the sidewalk, I'm slapping at his forearms which are still locked tightly around my waist.

"Whoa! Settle down. If I put you down, will you quit fighting?" My whole body relaxes at the sound of Emmett's voice in my ear.

He lets go just as Alice, Carmen, and Leah come through the shop door.

I'm breathing hard, so I fold over to put my hands on my knees. Big mistake.

I cradle the sore one and begin to hop around.

"Ow, ow, ow…" I am half-moaning, half-sobbing.

Now that the adrenaline is wearing off, it hurts. Like a son-of-a-bitch.

Carmen disappears into the burger joint next door as Emmett tries to convince me to let him look at the damage. He tells me to extend my fingers and then try to squeeze his hand. I do both, and it hurts like hell.

He grins. "Not broken."

Carmen returns with ice wrapped in a dish towel. We slowly begin to walk back towards the theater parking lot, Emmett in tow.

The girls are happy to see Emmett. They aren't stuck with the big goof during the school year like I am. Emmett lived in Forks until his grandfather died at the end of sixth grade. His father's job was in Port Angeles and so was his grandfather's paid off house. It made sense for them to move.

They all chat and flirt with him, because (even though only one of them would touch him) he's still a hot guy. And he's nice, funny, and charming. Emmett's the real deal. His only fault just happens to be his biggest fault. He's a player.

Carmen is the only one of us who has actually been on the receiving end of that fault. It broke her heart and her cootch, but both mended fairly quickly. She's smiling at him now like she wants a repeat performance.

Alice invites him to the show at The Hole on Friday. He's all dimples as he hugs us goodbye and promises to see us on Friday. He pulls me over to the side while the others are getting in the car.

"Will you ask Edward to come on Friday?" he implores. "If I invite him, he'll think I'm doing it for a ride. If you invite him, he might actually come."

The pain in my hand is irritating, and I've developed a bit of a headache to match.

"Emmett, I've only talked to Edward once. It isn't like we talk all the time."

"Okay," he nods looking at something behind me. "Just promise me if you talk to him again, you'll ask him to come."

I nod before ducking into the passenger seat.

"I think we should swing by to see my mom." Alice's voice is quiet, but firm, as Leah maneuvers out of the parking lot.

"I'm fine." I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want Charlie to know about this.

"B, your hand is swollen, and it's three different colors. I love Emmett to death, but he's no doctor. Alice is right. You need to have it checked out." Carmen leans forward to inspect my hand as she makes her pronouncement.

"Agreed." Leah drives in the last nail.

_Fucking majority rule_.

Mrs. Mallory is working the admissions desk when we arrive. Alice asks her to call Jeanette as Carmen signs me in.

We don't even make it over to the waiting room before Jeanette is at Alice's side, eying her up and down, making sure she's okay.

Alice stops her fussing immediately.

"Not me, Mom. Bella hurt her hand."

Jeanette motions for me to follow her. Alice joins me as Carmen and Leah disappear into the waiting room.

"How did you hurt your hand, Bella?" Jeanette's voice is laced with concern.

"Oh, Mom! It was great. We ran into Jake, and he acted like a total asshole. Then Bella got in his face about his green Johnson, and he tried to grab her. Bella was like, 'Nooooooo!' Then she went all Mike Tyson on his face." Alice manages to say all of this in one breath and even adds a crazy deep cartoon villain voice for the "No."

I just want to go home, take some aspirin, and maybe smoke a bowl.

Jeanette points out a bed for me to sit on before pulling the curtain all the way around it.

She moves to my side, putting her arm around me. "Don't let him get to you, honey. He isn't worth it." She sounds so sad and far away when she says this. Like she's had years and years of experience.

Dr. Gerandy makes a quick appearance. After a semi-painful exam, he orders x-rays.

The whole ordeal takes about an hour. My hand isn't broken, but it is sprained. He wants me to rest and ice it for a couple of days. He gives me a brace, telling me to wear it for a week, and then come back if it hasn't gotten better. Jeanette promises to keep an eye on it.

We pick up burgers on the way back to Alice's house. We sprawl out across her bed with paper plates and cans of Sprite. Alice sticks a movie in the VCR before joining us. We take a break halfway through _The Princess Bride._ The weather is the kind of perfect mild that makes you want to stretch out under the stars in the backyard. So we do.

Alice fires the joint, and we pass it down the line. Leah waits until my second hit to speak.

"You know he's an asshole, B? That none of that shit was your fault?"

I don't answer because I'm not sure exactly how much of what happened is my fault.

"Jake has always been an asshole, even when we were little kids. I tried to be nice when you two were together, but I never understood why you wanted to be with him."

I've wondered the same thing myself. Jake and I have nothing in common except a really long history. After mom left, dad was forced to take me along on all of his trips to the res. Jake and I got stuck with each other. We just made the best of it and latched on to each other.

We were the best of friends. Then, I got boobs, and he got boners, and things got complicated.

I don't want to talk about any of that right now, so I shake my head and shrug my shoulders a bit before asking, "Can you give me ride home?"

"Sure, sure," she answers with a small grin.

Leah drops me off on the way to take Carmen home. The house is quiet, and there's a note on the kitchen table from Charlie. He's at the station taking care of some paperwork.

I'm staring at the contents of the fridge when the phone rings.

"Hello?" I plop down into one of the mismatched kitchen chairs as I answer.

"Bella?" It's Edward. At least, I'm pretty sure it's Edward. He sounds funny.

"Yeah?" I'm not sure why, but my response sounds like a question.

"Are you okay?" He sounds worried.

I puzzle over this for a moment until I realize that he must know about my confrontation with Jake.

"Emmett has a big mouth, huh?" I'm a little pissed that Emmett would tell anyone about what happened earlier today.

"Uh, no…I was in the store when it happened. I didn't know it was you until after. Emmett didn't tell me it was you until he came back to the store. That guy…Jake? He's your ex?"

I am so embarrassed. I just want to crawl into my bed and stay in it for the next ten years.

"He's stupid you know." Edward's voice is soft. "He looked miserable after Emmett carried you out of there."

"That's because we were friends. Really best friends before everything got so messed up." I'm sniffling a little.

"I'm sorry," he says simply. And something in me breaks, because that's all I've ever really wanted anyone to say about my break up with Jake.

When it happened, everyone took sides and hurled insults. My friends were pissed. Jake's friends were defensive. And my dad just shrugged it off as "part of growing up."

Maybe this neutrality is exactly what I need. Edward doesn't know Jake. Hell, Edward doesn't even know me. He doesn't know anything about either of us.

I start talking. I tell him about building mud pies on the beach with Jake while our parents cooked out when we were kids. I tell him about Jake's mom dying and my mom leaving.

I tell him about holding hands and first kisses.

I tell him about living one life in Port Angeles, another in Forks, and trying to fit a boyfriend somewhere in the middle. I tell him about recognizing all the warning signs and using sex as a last ditch effort to save a sinking relationship.

He listens as I spill my ugly guts over the phone. He doesn't judge. He doesn't say, "_Well, what did you expect?"_

He's just quiet. I stop talking. I am mortified. I can't believe I just told a complete stranger about my pathetic love life.

I stretch the long phone cord as I step out to the back porch. I dig around under Charlie's chair until I find the pack of Camels I keep for emergencies. I light up as he exhales loudly.

Then he talks.

He tells me about the only girl he's ever dated. Her name is Maggie, and she was never really his girlfriend because he was too afraid to ask her to be. He tells me the one time they tried to do it, her little brother opened her bedroom door right as he achieved penetration.

He tells me Emmett and all of his friends "back home" call him a virgin. They say, since no one finished, it doesn't count.

He tells me the real reason his family left Seattle and moved to Port Angeles is to save his parents' marriage. His mother wants his father to spend more time with the family. His life isn't perfect either. And God, I'm a little relieved he doesn't think I am a complete loser.

"So you smoke?" he asks casually.

"Sometimes," I exhale. "I smoke when I'm stressed. I prefer weed, but I'm still a little buzzed from earlier. So, I'm settling for a Camel."

"You're stressed? Now?" He sounds genuinely confused.

"I don't like talking about the stuff that happened with Jake. It still hurts, and I'm still pissed."

"Okay," he says thoughtfully. "We don't have to talk about Jake anymore."

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Can you hang on a second?"

I place the phone on the chair and move across the patio to the lounge chair. I drag the lounger over towards the backdoor. I maneuver it so the phone cord will reach, and I sink into it.

"I'm back," I say quietly.

"What were those noises?" He laughs softly.

"It's beautiful outside tonight. I moved a lounger across the porch so I could relax out here and still talk to you. I had to make sure the phone cord would reach."

"Hmmm. Hang on a sec."

I hear noises for a few moments, and then he's back.

"What was that?" I tease.

"I was opening my window. You're right. It is really nice out tonight."

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you have plans Friday night?"

"Bella, who would I have plans with? You and Emmett are the only people I know here. Well, you know what I mean…"

He sounds unsure as he trails off, but I know what he means. It does feel like we know each other. Only we've never met.

It's time to rectify that.

"There's a show this Friday night at The Hole. My friend Peter's band is playing. They're pretty good. Like a mix between surf music and alternative. I told Emmett earlier. You guys could come together and meet us there. We could hang out. Have fun."

"You're sure?" he sounds skeptical.

"Of course I'm sure," I respond quickly. "It will be fun."

"Do you need a ride?" he asks hesitantly.

"No, I'm good. Leah will drive. We'll come back to Forks after the show. I'm staying here with my dad until the weekend before school starts," I tell him.

This reminds me of my earlier conversation with Renee. Now would probably be a good time to confess my meddling.

"So," I begin. "I asked my mom if she could help adjust your schedule. Only to make sure you have some classes with me and Emmett. We're sophomores, but I'm taking several honors classes that I'm sure will have some juniors in them-"

"Bella?" he interrupts.

"Hmmm?"

"I'm not a junior. I'm a sophomore, too," he says.

I'm confused. "But you drive. You said you got your license in June."

Crap. He must have failed a grade, like Leah. I hope I haven't embarrassed him.

"Yes, I drive," he begins. He doesn't sound angry or embarrassed, just straightforward. "I turned sixteen in June. I had to repeat kindergarten because of the attendance policy in my old district. I had chicken pox, a viral infection, and the flu that year. I missed more than the maximum number of days allowed."

"But it was kindergarten," I argue.

"Yes, it was. My parents went to the board to try to appeal the decision, but rules are rules. That's when they enrolled me in private school."

"Well, that sucks. It looks like you and I will be the only sophomores at PA with wheels," I tell him.

"Oh really?" he asks.

"Yeah," I answer. "My birthday is September thirteenth. Renee threw a fit about letting me start kindergarten as a four year old, and she held me back a year. She claims even to this day, that children with late birthdays benefit from waiting. You know…I'm supposed to be more confident and more mature than my classmates."

"And are you?" he asks playfully.

"No," I answer as I think about my reaction to Jake today. "I'm not. At least I got cool friends out of the deal. And I get to drive. Screw maturity."

We say goodnight, and Edward promises to call before Friday to finalize the details.

I take three Tylenol to help with the throbbing in my hand and one Benadryl to help me fall asleep. The cool, crisp sheets are a welcome relief. I fall asleep pondering the many pitfalls of maturity.

**A/N- Yes, if your child has a late summer to September birthday- you can choose to wait a year for Kindergarten. I chose to wait with my son but not my daughter. Two kids, two totally different sets of needs, kwim? **

**Yes, I made them sophomores. Yes, I did it on purpose. Yes, it will be relative…eventually.**

**I'm on Twitter: MrsSpaceCowboy**

**So, the big question…is Edward a virgin? If no one finishes, does it count? ;)  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own an empty checking account and my kids own a bunch of new school supplies. My sis peeked at this for me, but all mistakes are mine. More minor drug use.**

Chapter 3

_Let me run_

_With you tonight_

_I'll take you on_

_A moonlight ride_

_(You Don't Know How It Feels – Tom Petty)_

"Is Emmett coming tonight?" Alice asks as she thumbs through the latest issue of Rolling Stone.

She is sitting in my rocking chair with her legs crossed, and I am on my knees on the floor trying to reach a pair of black Chinese flats that somehow got kicked under my bed.

"Yes. Edward said they'll be there around eight."

Finally, I get two fingers on one shoe, and it's enough to pull it towards me. I use it to drag its mate out as well.

"You know you could have saved a lot of time and effort by using a clothes hanger to fish those things out." Alice keeps her face buried in the Tom Petty article she is pretending to read. "What else did Edward say?"

I stand, and walk across the room. I keep myself busy searching for something to wear, trying to come up with some sort of answer to her question.

Edward called Wednesday night and last night. We talked until well after midnight both nights. There is no way for me to explain to Alice all the things we've talked about. Last night, we even watched a movie together. Sort of. We talked on the phone while watching _Raising Arizona _together on HBO.

"Well?" She peeks over the top of the magazine at me.

I smile. I can't help it. "He said, 'Maybe it was Utah.'" He really did. He quoted the lines from H.I.'s last speech word for word right along with Nicolas Cage.

She puts down the magazine and stands. She walks right up to me, stares at my face for a few seconds, and then she scoops her oversized drawstring purse off the floor.

"Let's get you ready." She digs out eyeliner and mascara.

I peel off the boxers and t-shirt I've been lounging in all day. I take a white lacy bra out of the top drawer of the dresser.

"No. Wear the black one."

I shrug, pulling out the black satin Victoria's Secret bra instead.

Once I'm dressed, I can see why she suggested it. The outline of black stands out beneath the threadbare, white _Wizard of Oz _shirt I'm wearing. It matches the long, black skirt I picked and the flats. At the last moment, I decide to add a pair of black and white striped tights.

"Perfect." She's smiling with her eyes and her mouth, so I know I must look good. I let Alice apply the makeup. She's much better with eyeliner than I am.

Charlie knocks, calling out that Leah is here. We grab our bags, making our way downstairs. Alice walks outside to give me a moment with Charlie.

"I'm spending the night with Alice, so I'll see you tomorrow." I reach up on my toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. He pulls out his wallet before handing me a twenty dollar bill. I pretend to protest until he shoves it into my fist.

I turn, smiling as I walk towards the door because that was just too damn easy.

"Be careful," he says.

"Love you, Dad." And I'm out the door.

I ease into the passenger seat, closing the door as Leah pulls away from the curb. I toss the hand brace in the backseat as soon as we leave my street. Charlie has been making wear that thing for two days straight, but I refuse to wear it tonight.

"Trade ya," Carmen says as she tosses a dime bag and papers into my lap.

"Seriously?" I ask, bugging my eyes at her. "I'm injured." And I wave my hand in her face.

She laughs. "Just roll it, bitch. You'll be better at it handicapped than any of us are on a normal day." There is no point arguing her logic. So, I open the baggie, and get to work.

In the time it takes to listen to "Red Rain" and "Sledgehammer," I've rolled three of the most beautiful joints known to man. I hand them to Carmen, who slides them into an open pack of Marlboros. She tells me to keep the baggie and papers in my bag, just in case. I shake my head, but comply. Why these bitches can't roll their own is beyond me.

"Bella's made a new friend," Alice says as she looks out the window at the disappearing forest.

Suddenly, I find the passing scenery just as interesting as she does. I can see my reflection in the window as I wait for them to pounce.

"What kind of friend?" Leah sounds confused.

"Evidently the kind related to Emmett McCarty. His cousin, Edward, moved to the Port over the summer. He likes talking to our Bella," Alice replies as she pats the back of my head. I turn in my seat so I can give her a nasty look. She's smiling, showing me every one of her teeth.

I sigh. "He just wants to know some people at PA before school starts." The last thing I need is these three meddling. They love to meddle.

"What does he look like?" Carmen is licking her lips. It bothers me. The question bothers me too, because I have no idea what Edward looks like. I've never even given it a thought. He has a beautiful voice and a laugh that makes me feel happy. I wonder if he looks like Emmett.

"Oh, hell. You've never even met this guy have you, B?" Leah is obviously annoyed.

"We talk on the phone," I mumble weakly.

Leah is incredulous. "What the hell could you possibly talk about with someone you've never even met?"

"Oh, come on. He's Emmett's cousin. Stop acting like I dialed a one eight hundred serial killer number," I snap at her. "He's nice, and I'm going to see him at school every day anyway. This is stupid."

There is a long silence following my little tirade. Alice, ever the peace maker, pulls a joint from Carmen's pack and fires it up. She inhales deeply, closes her eyes, and passes it off to Carmen. Leah gives me a small, sheepish grin when I hand it to her moments later. I return it. We keep the windows down long after we're finished smoking. There is a light breeze blowing through my hair, and the sun is casting golden hues between the branches of the trees we pass. It's beautiful, really.

We pull into the parking lot at Safeway around seven thirty. The Hole is next door, but the two are separated by a two lane side street. Leah parks in the front corner of the lot, close to the street.

"There's Jasper," Carmen says pointing to Peter's truck which is parked on the street in front if the bar. "And Peter. Damn!" she adds as Peter lifts an amp and hands it over the side of the truck to Jasper.

_Damn _is right. Peter is a hot mother fucker. His white blond, shoulder length hair is framing his face as he leans bent over, propping himself with splayed hands on the truck bed. He watches Jasper until he's out of sight and then turns his attention back to the equipment in the truck.

"Wow," Leah breathes.

Alice is the only unimpressed person in attendance. She's been busy studying her reflection in a compact while applying lip gloss. She hasn't even glanced over at The Hole once since our arrival.

We exit the car, locking the passenger side at Leah's request. Jasper spies us as he exits the bar. He smiles, causing Alice to make a weird little squealing noise beside me. She has her tongue down his throat before any of us can even say hello.

I don't get it. Jasper isn't ugly by any means, but I just can't see the draw. His hair is a darker shade of blond than Peter's. It's also longer and naturally wavy. He looks like a freaking hair band singer. Brett Michaels or Jani Lane…take your pick. I've never seen the guy wear shorts, and I think he may own every single Metallica shirt ever pressed. Bangers just don't do anything for me.

They stop kissing before anything overly disturbing happens, thank God.

"Ladies," Peter says, jumping to the pavement in front of us.

Carmen giggles like an idiot. I don't know if it's the pot or Peter's hotness causing this momentary loss of sanity. I roll my eyes and start to say hello, but I'm interrupted by Leah snickering to my left. Carmen is leaning on her arm laughing and holding onto it with both hands while trying to stay upright.

Jasper and Peter are staring at them with blank looks on their faces. Alice, like me, is annoyed.

"Peter," I say. "Do you have a light?" I dig through my bag, trying to fish out a Camel. I step around Leah and Carmen, who are finally attempting to end their giggle fit. He hands me a purple Bic. "Sorry," I whisper as he leans his head towards mine. "They're stoned."

"No, really?" he says sarcastically, brows arched.

I smile before he excuses himself. He and Jasper are back to work. Alice and I decide that a quick trip to Safeway is necessary. She wants chili cheese Fritos, and I wouldn't mind having some Hostess chocolate cupcakes.

Leah and Carmen are slightly ahead of us as we approach the store.

"What the hell was that back there?" Alice laughs.

Carmen looks away sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I crushed on him so hard last school year, and he didn't even know I was alive. It just seemed really ironic that he was standing two feet away. And that voice? I just freaked."

"That was smooth," I snicker.

Alice looks at Carmen, then Leah. "Well, you definitely had his attention."

This will be one of those embarrassing moments we'll talk about a year from now. We've had tons of these moments through the years. We've done a lot of stupid shit.

Finally, we reach the damn snack aisle. It takes forever for them to figure out what they want. I glance down at my watch. Five until eight. Edward and Emmett will be here any minute. My stomach twists a little at this realization. I hope Edward is cool and not some kind of asshole. Or weirdo.

_Focus._

"Guys, today would be great," I whine. I want a chance to meet Edward before the show starts.

They finally pick out snacks, and we make our way to the registers. I stop at one of the drink coolers to grab a peach Clearly Canadian.

"Get me a cherry," Leah says.

The male cashier is gaping at Alice. Her long hair is braided in pigtails. She is wearing a white v-neck men's undershirt with a short plaid skirt. She is totally rocking the sexy-innocent look and we're never going to get the show, because this guy can't stop staring at Alice's cleavage.

"Hey, dude…she's got a gigantic cowboy boyfriend. Like real Clint Eastwood shit. So, can you, um…get back to work so we can get the hell out of here?" I say pointedly. I feel kind of bad for being such a bitch, but I am starting to feel really antsy and nervous. I need to get out of this store.

I pay first before scrambling outside. I have no idea why I am freaking out. I look out across the parking lot and see Emmett closing the door of a silver Volvo 480. My heart is thundering in my chest as I let my eyes move left towards the driver's side of the car. There is a tall guy dressed in jeans, a black t-shirt, and black Vans. His hands are tucked into his front pockets. The back of his head is shaved close, but his bangs are long and unruly. I let out a breath. I am secretly relieved he isn't some kind of freak. Not that I ever thought he was. Or at least I never thought about it until The Pack made such a big deal about the fact that I've never even seen him. I am so caught up in my inner ramblings, I miss the fact that the others are now standing with me.

"What are we looking at?" Leah whispers from my left.

"Aaaaggh!" I startle and yell.

Emmett's head whips around. He smiles hugely when he spots us. Edward turns to face us fully. His face is decent too, it seems. His cheeks carry the slightest hint of leftover baby fat. He has thin wire rim glasses. They're a little geeky, but mostly they just make him look smart.

Leah links her pinky with mine pulling me forward. I start to freak out a little inside, because I'm not sure if Edward and I will "click" in person the way we do over the phone.

Emmett introduces him to the other girls. He smiles shyly, mumbles a greeting, and then his eyes are on me. "Hey, Bella." His voice, if possible, is even better in person. The sound of it eases my worry.

"Hey," I say, stepping into his personal space. I feel like we've passed the awkward handshake stage. He knows things about me that make him hug worthy. He must sense my intent, because he steps forward and we embrace.

His t-shirt is soft cotton, and I've never smelled anything in the world like this boy. "Nice to meet you," he whispers. Cinnamon breath near my ear mingles with the scent of soap and after shave on his skin.

"My turn," Em says as he pulls me away from Edward. He throws one gigantic arm over my shoulder, reaching for the small paper sack in my hand. "What's this?"

I yank the sack away from him. "This," I say, while holding up my treasure, "Is a snack."

He chuckles as I move away from him. There is no way in hell I am sharing these cupcakes. Alice plops down in the center of the parking space next to the Volvo. Leah and Carmen move to join her. I hesitate, looking at Edward. I want to invite him to sit with us, but it seems Em has other plans.

"We'll meet you inside," Emmett says to us as he jerks his head in the direction of the club. Edward shrugs helplessly before following him across the narrow side street.

"Well," Leah drawls. "He's no Quasimodo, thank God. He might be cool to hang out with."

"He's cool," Alice agrees.

"He's cute," Carmen adds. I glare at her. She shrugs. "What? Does he have a girlfriend?"

"No," I say irritably. "He does not have a girlfriend."

She smiles lazily as she lifts a can of Coke to her lips. I peel the icing off of the cupcake so I can eat it before I say something I will regret. I stare at Carmen as she looks around the parking lot. Her short, blonde hair is cut in an inverted bob. She has perfectly symmetrical lips with a smattering of freckles across her cheeks and the peak of her nose. Her skin is lightly tanned from spending most of the summer at the pool at the Y. She's petite like Alice and incredibly pretty. And she's pretty promiscuous to boot. Definitely not the type of girl Edward would want.

"Relax, B," she says, swinging her head around to look me in the eye. "I get it. I was just curious."

"Whatever," I mumble. "I just don't want things to get complicated with me being in the middle of something like that. Last spring was miserable for me. I had to listen to you and Emmett bitch about each other for two weeks. No offense, but I don't want a repeat with Edward."

"I get it. Don't fuck your friends from PA." Her mouth is twitching a little, so I know she isn't angry. "What about Felix?"

Felix is a larger, dark-haired version of Jasper, only he goes to PA and his poison is AC/DC. And I never hang out with Felix one on one or have late night phone conversations with him.

"He's all yours."

She tosses her head back, laughing for a moment before we hear the muffled sound of a drum.

"Sound check," Leah declares as she starts to gather the trash from our impromptu asphalt picnic.

A small line has gathered on the sidewalk in front of The Hole. I recognize some older kids from Forks. Peter just graduated in the spring, and it looks like he still has quite the following. We pay the doorman a five dollar cover charge in exchange for a glow in the dark hand stamp of the club logo and today's date.

There are twenty or so small tables with matching chairs bunched together in the back of the bar, leaving a ten foot space open all the way around the stage. There are people milling about as Peter and the rest of the band do final equipment checks. Carmen spots Felix at the bar. She winks at us before disappearing into the small crowd.

Edward and Emmett are seated at a table in the rear of the club, near the bar and almost as far away from the stage as possible. Alec Nelson and his twin sister, Jane, are sitting with them. Edward is relaxed as he laughs and talks to Alec, waving his hands around animatedly. Jane leans forward offering Edward something from her hand. He shakes his head, so she repeats the action with Emmett who whispers something in her ear as she brings her hand to her mouth, placing her pointer finger on her tongue.

Alice leans in close to tell me she is going to find Jasper. I can see him standing with Brent Mallory close to the stage, so I point her in the right direction.

"I'm just going to say hi to Alec and Jane. I'll meet you up there," I assure her as Leah pulls her away.

I make my way over to their table. There are two open seats; one is between Edward and Jane, the other is between Alec and Jane. I take one deep breath before dropping into the chair next to Edward.

"Bella," Jane leans forward until her face is only inches from mine. "Dose?"

"No, thanks." I shrug. "Not my thing." I hate acid.

"Good summer?"

"Yes. You?"

She looks bored for a moment, then nods and retreats into her seat. Something near the stage has caught her attention. With Jane sufficiently distracted, I greet the rest of the table.

Alec and I exchange quick pleasantries, moments before Peter walks up to the mike to thank the crowd for showing up tonight. The regular lighting is cut for the entire room, with the exception of a few above the bar. It's an all ages show, so the only thing they'll be serving is Coca Cola products, anyway.

Felix and Carmen join us as we move towards the stage. I hang back deliberately so I can walk with Edward. He hasn't said a word to me since I've come in.

"Hey," I say, lightly touch his forearm. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just-"

"Bella!" Lauren Mallory interrupts him, throwing her arm around my neck and pulling me into her chest.

Oh, Jesus. She's drunk. I can smell vodka on her breath. It's mingling with the scent of the _Electric Youth_ perfume she's wearing. I pull my head away from her body as quickly as possible. I smile, but before I can say anything, the music starts.

I lean forward to wave at Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley who are standing behind Lauren. They wave back, and Jessica makes an apologetic face, rolling her eyes as she nods in Lauren's direction. I give her my best _it's-no-big-deal-face _before turning my attention to the stage.

I've seen Peter's band, Partial Obliteration, one time before. It was about a year ago. I can hardly believe this is the same band. They've gotten really good. I look over to see if Edward likes the music. He's watching the band, head bobbing lightly to the beat. I must stare for too long, because he glances down at me with a questioning look on his face.

I stretch a bit, and he lowers his head so he can hear me.

"Do you like it?"

He leans his head down until his mouth is right beside my ear.

"I do. It's like something out of a David Lynch movie," he answers.

I smile, nodding, because that was an awesome answer.

We don't speak again during the show. I stay close to him. Occasionally, our arms or hands brush. Each time it happens, I smile.

Much too soon, Peter is thanking everyone again. People start to file out as the band starts to tear down.

Emmett introduces Edward to Lauren, Mike, and Jessica. A moment later, the boys are discussing sports, and I am being ushered outside by Jessica and Lauren. We make it all the way back to the Safeway parking lot before Lauren speaks.

"Would it be some sort of violation of our friendship if I fuck Emmett?"

_Oh, dear God. _

I don't know what disturbs me more, knowing she wants to fuck Emmett, or the fact that she thinks we actually have a friendship. I like her, sure. She's sweet, funny, and we get along; but we never hang out together, she's a junior at Forks, and she's in Show Choir. Yeah, we have nothing in common.

"Lauren, please fuck Emmett. I would consider it a great personal favor." I could actually care less if the two of them even speak, but Lauren is hot and Em will owe me. Forever.

Emmett, it seems, has something else in mind. He and Edward have returned to the Volvo, and he is motioning for me to join them.

"Hang on," I tell her before making my way towards the car. "What's going on, Emmett?"

He looks down grinning and whispers, "I have something for you, remember?"

"Well, give it to me!"

"Get in. I'll be right back. I need to tell Lauren not to go anywhere," he says.

"Are _we_ going somewhere?" I ask Edward as I settle in the backseat.

"I have no idea," he answers, shaking his head.

Emmett gets in, and opens the console. He hands me a white paper sack. I open the bag cautiously. Then it dawns on me. "My present," I say excitedly.

There is a small hand carved wooden pipe resting at the bottom of the bag. I take it out to examine it more closely. There are lovely, exotic flowers carved into the bowl. It's beautiful.

"Wow, Em. It's so pretty. You shouldn't have."

"I got it in Jamaica. Try it out."

I look at Edward. I'm not sure if it's cool to just light up in his car. I don't even know if he smokes.

"I don't mind, Bella," Edward says, starting the car. "I'll drive around so we'll be less obvious."

Who am I to argue? I pull the baggie from my purse as Edward leaves the parking lot. I pack the bowl, tossing seeds and stems out the small crack in the window.

"Are you smoking, Edward?" I ask, seconds before I light the bowl.

"No. You guys go ahead," he replies.

"Ed doesn't smoke and drive. He's scared he might wreck his precious Volvo," Emmett laughs.

Edward makes the block a few times before bringing us back to the Safeway lot.

"Hey, Em? Lauren wants to get in your pants. She asked me earlier if I cared. I told her to go for it."

"See, Edward? I told you she wanted it," Emmett says, elbowing Edward's arm. "Did Newton bring the Suburban?"

I'm stunned. "You can't fuck her in the parking lot!"

"Why not?" He seems puzzled.

"Because," I stress, "Brent Mallory is here. If he finds you fucking his little sister, he'll kill you."

"His band is up next. He'll be busy. He's the one that gave her the damn booze, so he must not be too concerned about what Lauren does."

"Well, she's sober now, and _you_ need to be careful," I warn as he gets out, and I follow from the back seat.

I'm left alone with Edward for the first time. I really don't want to watch Brent's band, Burning Imbeciles. I like them, but they're punk, and I'm in the wrong shoes for a mosh pit.

"Can we go to Wendy's?" I blurt.

"Sure," he says, smiling as I climb into Em's abandoned seat.

"There's one on East First. It's just a few blocks away," I say as he pulls out onto Third Street.

He's quiet as I direct him to the restaurant. I try to engage him in conversation once or twice, but he gives me one or two word answers and silence. By the time he parks the car, I'm frustrated.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, looking him straight in the eye.

"No!" His eyes are wide as he answers.

"You've barely spoken a word to me all night," I whisper, turning to look out the windshield. My feelings are a little hurt. I've spent hours talking on the phone with this boy, and now that we've met, I get the distinct feeling he doesn't really like me.

"I was nervous. I'm still nervous," he says sincerely.

"You were fine around the others," I counter. He didn't seem shy talking to Alec, Jane, or Mike.

"They're not you."

"But you know me!"

"Exactly," he says. "I don't give a shit what any of them think." He turns in his seat to face me. I do the same. "I do care what you think," he whispers.

I feel a strange fluttering in my chest as I exhale.

"I don't want us to be weird around each other," I tell him earnestly.

"Okay. No weirdness. Got it." He's being playful. But when he grins at me, I notice the tiniest, most adorable, little gap between his two front teeth and how full his red lips are.

_Shit. _

This is not good. I do not need to be attracted to anyone right now. Especially Edward. He's nice and sweet, and we're friends. Just friends.

"I need a junior bacon cheeseburger now," I tell him. What I really need is a distraction. And some space. Being cooped up in the front seat of this car that smells like Edward is obviously affecting my ability to think clearly. Or it could be the pot. I do get a little horny when I'm stoned and that might explain the sudden interest in Edward Cullen's mouth.

"Let's go," he says, exiting the car.

I grab my bag and do the same. We walk together across the parking lot, and he holds the door for me as we enter the restaurant. I smile at the gesture as he places his hand on the small of my back as we make our way to the counter.

We order three junior bacon cheeseburgers, fries, and two Cokes. He pays despite my protests. Once we've found a table, I watch in horror as he removes the pickles from his burgers.

"How can you eat a burger without pickles?" I ask incredulously, while confiscating the pickles and adding them to my own burger.

He shrugs with his mouth full of burger.

"Crazy," I mutter before biting into my own.

"Do you really think that Brent guy will kick Emmett's ass?" he asks.

I feel so much better now that I've eaten. Edward is still working on his fries.

"Probably not," I concede. "Brent's twenty, and Emmett is a minor. I doubt Brent wants to go to jail. He's always been weird with Lauren. He's protective, but he always lets her party at his apartment. He doesn't care that she drinks or smokes, but he doesn't want her to act like a slut or be treated like one. I think he knows she isn't a virgin, but he doesn't want to see the proof. Know what I mean?" He nods as I continue, "Besides, Jessica and Mike usually make sure that Lauren doesn't get out of control."

"They're together? Mike and Jessica?" he asks.

"Yeah, since eighth grade. They're Forks' golden couple. He plays football; she cheers and she's in Concert Choir and Show Choir. She's probably going to be the valedictorian next year, too. She's wicked smart."

"You like them," he murmers.

"Yeah?"

"Well," he sounds uncomfortable, "They're different from you and Alice and the others."

"Preppy?" I supply. He nods. I chew on the inside of my cheek as I formulate my response. "No one cares about that shit in Forks. We aren't best friends or anything, but we all grew up together. Jessica's mom babysat several of us after school in elementary. Forks isn't like PA. There aren't any cliques in Forks."

"You miss it. Forks, I mean," he says quietly.

I shrug. I do miss Forks, but I know how much it means to Renee for me to live with her.

"How is your hand?" he asks, as he reaches for it.

He takes my hand in his, turning it over as he inspects it. I'm frozen in place, holding my breath. His fingers are so soft and so warm on my skin. I shiver.

He looks up at me, concerned, and I notice that behind the dorky frames, his eyes are a beautiful shade of mossy green. I swallow. Hard.

"Fine," I whisper. "All better."

"I hate that he hurt you," he says.

I don't think he's talking about my hand anymore.

"I'm fine," I assure him. "We'd better get back. The Pack will think that you've carried me off somewhere to murder me."

He smiles, relinquishing my hand. "I would never hurt you, Bella."

"I know," I reply. I don't know how I know this, I just do.

By the time we get back to The Hole, the Imbeciles have finished, and the parking lot is crowded. I can see my girls standing with Jasper, Peter, Emmett, and the crew from Forks.

"Thanks for taking me, Edward," I tell him as he parks next to Mike's Suburban.

"You don't have to thank me, Bella. I'm glad we got to spend some time together. Alone, I mean." His cheeks are pink and he's adorable. I need to get the hell out of his car and away from his scent, before I do something stupid.

I open the door as he asks, "Can I call you later? Tonight?"

I shake my head. "I'm spending the night with Alice." He looks disappointed, and I hate it. "I'll be home tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow," he says, smiling.

_Oh God. He has dimples_.

I smile, wave, and close the car door. Emmett walks over to me, and after a quick goodbye hug, he and Edward are gone.

Carmen talks about Felix for the entire hour it takes us to get back to Forks. I don't pay much attention. I'm busy thinking about warm fingers and green eyes. Later, as I toss and turn in Alice's bed, I realize I've talked to Edward every night this week before bed. I have a strong urge to call him, to say goodnight, to hear his voice. Only, I have no idea what his number is, and it is one o'clock in the morning.

"You like him," Alice whispers in the dark.

I roll over to face her. She is on her side, her cheek resting against her pillow as she stares at me in the moonlight.

"I think I do," I whisper.

"Good," she says. "He stared at you all through the show. I think he has a crush."

"Stop, Alice. We're friends."

She doesn't say anything else. Soon, she's asleep, and I'm left alone, chasing sleep with my thoughts of Edward Cullen.

**A/N: "Red Rain" and "Sledgehammer" are the first two tracks from the Peter Gabriel album **_**So.**_

**Thank you to everyone who is reading, and to everyone who has put this story on alert. If you know someone with experience who might want to beta it, please send them my way (after you warn them about my love for commas). It seems The Sparkly Red Pen isn't taking any new multi-chapter fics at this time. **

**Please take a moment to let me know what you think. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own an iPhone and a ridiculous playlist for this little fic. Thanks, sis, for looking over this chapter. All mistakes are mine. I sound like a broken record…minor drug use. **

Chapter 4

_Little 15_

_You help her forget_

_The world outside_

_You're not part of it yet_

_And if you could drive _

_You could drive her away_

_To a happier place_

_To happier day_

_(Little 15- Depeche Mode)_

The last week of summer break is always the hardest.

I spend my days with Alice. Carmen and Leah join us a couple of times, but they know I want some time alone with her before I go. My evenings are spent with Charlie. We have dinner together every night, and I make him promise that after I've gone, he'll eat salad or some sort of fruit at least three times a week. He says he will, but I know he'll be at the diner every night eating cheeseburgers or steak with a side of pie.

Every day ends the same. With Edward Cullen.

Apparently, it isn't enough that I talk to him every night. Now I'm dreaming about him, too. I've had two really bizarre dreams starring him. In the first, Carmen was hunting him in the halls of Forks High School. In the second, he threw pickles at me while I sat in the middle of the stage at The Hole. I have no idea what either of them mean and no desire to analyze them. So, I talk to him and try not to think of his hands or his mouth or Carmen.

Charlie is driving me to Renee's house. He does this at the end of every summer. We stop at Barry's Buffet for lunch. It's the only restaurant he likes in Port Angeles. I think it's a dump, but I keep quiet because I know today is hard for him.

"Your birthday is on a Friday this year. If your mother agrees, I'd like for you to miss school that day so you can take your test and get your license. We'll get your truck, and you can spend a long weekend in Forks," he says.

"You want me to take my driving test on Friday the thirteenth?" I'm not overly superstitious, but this is just asking for trouble.

"I want to spend your birthday with you. You'll be sixteen. It's important, a milestone. I want to be the one to take you."

I look down at my hands in my lap because that might be the sweetest thing Charlie has ever said to me. I don't want him to see the tears pooling in my eyes. I blink a few times to clear them before I give him my best smile.

"That would be great, Dad. Thanks."

"Yeah, well, don't think this means you can skip school anytime you want."

"Got it," I nod solemnly, giving him a mock salute. "Special occasions only."

"Right," he confirms, mustache twitching.

We leave the restaurant and as we're walking to Charlie's cruiser, I realize there is one more important thing I want to ask him before he drops me off.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have my own phone? In my room?"

There are two phones at Charlie's house, both downstairs. It would be nice to have a little privacy.

"I don't know, Bells. I never had my own phone growing up. It seems unnecessary."

"Not really," I argue. "I spend a lot of time on the phone, tying up the line. What if someone needs to get in touch with you?" He still looks unconvinced, so I bring out the big guns. "I've had my own line at Renee's house since I was thirteen. Please, Daddy?"

"We'll see," he says.

I know that I've won. He won't be outdone by Renee. When all else fails, I can count on that.

He parks on the street when we arrive at Renee's house. It's a modest, one-story, three-bedroom on a little cul-de-sac. It speaks volumes that he would rather turn around in a neighbor's drive than pull into my mother's driveway. The two of them haven't spoken in nearly a year. Sometimes, I feel like their carrier pigeon, passing messages between the two of them. Only instead of one home base, I have two. It's better than listening to them fight. Anything is better than that.

"You'll ask your mom about your birthday?"

"Like I'm going to pass up the opportunity to skip school…do you even know me?" I joke. I'm trying to keep things light, for his sake and for mine.

"Do you need me to carry your bags?"

"No, I'm good. I packed light. There's just one suitcase and my backpack. I left a bunch of stuff at your house so I'll have an excuse to come back and bug you."

"Bella," he says, turning his head to look at me. "You never need an excuse to come home. Never."

"I know," I choke out, swiping at the tears on my cheeks. I hate this part the most. I feel like I'm always saying goodbye to someone.

"Don't cry, kid. I'll be fine. See you in a couple of weeks."

"See you, Dad. Love you."

I don't waste any time grabbing my bags from the back seat. There is no point in dragging this out. I'm nearly sixteen, and I'm crying like a freaking baby. I seriously need to get a grip. I can hear him pulling away as I cross the lawn, but I don't look back.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Renee is in a fantastic mood when I arrive. She follows me into my room, asking about my summer as I unpack. I tell her everything. I don't keep secrets from Renee. I don't have to. There isn't anything I've done, that she didn't do back in the day. As far as moms go, she really isn't bad. She took me to a free clinic when I got my first period at thirteen. She asked the doctor to put me on the pill in order to keep my cycles regular and less painful. She also let me keep the brown paper sack full of condoms that he shoved in my hand as we were leaving. On the way home, she explained the mechanics of sex and bought me a chocolate milkshake.

Renee knows that I lost my virginity in April and that I smoke pot behind her carport. She's not happy about either of those things; but as long as I'm careful, she doesn't bitch. She explained to me once that she spends enough time around teenagers to know that she can't keep me from experimenting. Her best option, as she sees it, is to educate me to keep me from making any horrible mistakes. Mistakes like me, although she's never said that outright. I am living proof that condoms are not one hundred percent effective.

She isn't happy when I tell her about the truck Charlie is planning to purchase.

"That is just like your father. He makes unilateral decisions without calling or even asking for my input," she says.

"Were you planning on buying me a car?" I ask.

"No, but what if I had been?"

I shake my head. This is the kind of pointless shit that keeps them from being real parents in the first place.

She can sense my frustration, so she back peddles. "Fine," she says. "Tell him that I will cover your insurance. It isn't fair to leave me out of the loop completely."

I wonder for a moment if I should even bother bringing up my birthday at this point since she's already pissed. I figure I may as well get it over with.

"Charlie asked if I can skip school the day of my birthday," I begin. She opens her mouth to protest, so I cut her off quickly. "I'm going to have to take a written exam and a driving test. You can't really check me out of school to take me, since you'll have class. Once I get my license, you two won't have to drive me back and forth. You and I can celebrate the night before. I'm sure he won't mind coming to get me Friday morning. After that, I want to spend the weekend in Forks with my friends."

She exhales as she looks down at the floor. I can tell her feelings are hurt. I feel the stirrings of guilt before reminding myself of the birthdays she missed while she was in Seattle securing her future. I got a card or a phone call from her. Charlie was the one who made homemade cakes and hosted She-Ra Princess of Power birthday parties. He deserves this.

"Okay, baby. If that's what you want."

"It is," I confirm.

"I'm going to make myself a salad. Would you like one?"

"No thanks. Charlie took me to Barry's, and I'm stuffed. I'll get something later."

She leaves, finally, and I open the front pouch of my backpack to dig out Edward's phone number. I broke down and asked him for it the night after the show. I find it and a plain white envelope. I'm puzzled because I'm sure I didn't put the envelope in there.

I open it to find two twenty dollar bills wrapped up inside a note from Charlie that says:

_Spending money. _

_Have a great year, kiddo._

I place the note in the top drawer of the nightstand before emptying the contents of my purse on the bed. I managed to score several babysitting jobs in Forks over the summer. There is well over a hundred dollars after I add the gift from Charlie. I put it all in a little tin Wonder Woman lunch box left over from my childhood. Renee has been bugging me to open a joint bank account, but I prefer to have cash on hand. Embry Call doesn't take checks.

There is a little zipper pouch inside the purse. I pull the new pipe and the last of my summer stash from it. My purse is the one thing Charlie considers off limits. He leaves it alone because he knows there are tampons in it.

I load the pipe and grab the portable phone from the charger on my bedside table. I slip Edward's phone number into the cellophane wrapper of a pack of Camels, tiptoe past the living room where Renee is completely engrossed in her salad and a riveting episode of 60 Minutes, and quietly sneak out the back door.

My lawn chair is missing from its usual position behind the carport. It takes me twenty minutes to locate it in the storage shed. I swear she does this shit on purpose just to irritate me.

Finally, I get everything situated to my liking. I light the bowl, inhale deeply, lean back into the chair and hold it. Exhale. Repeat. Inhale, hold, exhale, repeat…

I want to savor every single hit off this bowl since I know it will be at least five days until I do this again. I may be a stoner, but I have rules. No dope during the school week. I have an excellent GPA to maintain, and I know I need a scholarship if I ever want to get the hell out of here. This requires a level of focus. I can't do homework or study if I'm fucked up. My weekends will be my reward.

I wait to dial Edward's number until I'm good and baked.

"Hello?"

I am momentarily taken aback when a woman's voice answers the phone. Shit. This must be his mother.

"May I speak to Edward?" I ask sweetly.

"Of course, dear," she says. "May I ask who is calling?"

"This is Bella."

"Hold on just a moment, Bella."

A few seconds later, I can hear the click of a second receiver as he joins the line.

"Got it, Mom," he says.

He waits until she hangs up to continue.

"Hey, Bella. What are you doing?"

"Enjoying my last night of freedom, you?" I smile as I say this because I love the sound of his voice.

"ToeJam and Earl."

There is one moment of absolute silence before I burst into a fit of laughter. I can't stop giggling.

"What the fuck is that?" I ask.

"It's a video game," he mumbles.

"Dude, I'm not making fun of you. Not at all. I've never heard of it. You said 'toe jam,' and I just lost it. Sorry." The last thing I want is for him to think I'm making fun of him. I would never do that. "I'm stoned. Ignore me."

"Well, I can't really ignore you over the phone."

He might be pissed. I can't tell.

"Don't be mad," I whisper.

"I'm not. I guess it is kind of funny," he chuckles, and just like that, we're back to being us.

I tell him about lunch with Charlie and my talk with Renee. He spent the day at Emmett's house playing basketball with Em and some of the guys from school. I'm really glad he's made some friends. That will make tomorrow so much easier for him.

Soon, it's dark, and I know I need to go inside.

"I've got to go," I say with a sigh.

"I should probably turn in soon, too," he replies. "See you in the morning?"

"I'll be the grumpy bitch wearing green Docs."

He laughs and wishes me a goodnight. I dump the leftover ashes in an empty flower pot on my way inside, before tucking the pipe into my back pocket.

-o-o-o-o-o-

School sucks. I am relatively sure that every teenager thinks so, but it is worse when your mother is a teacher who insists on getting up at the ass crack of dawn to arrive early every single morning. Even on the first fucking day.

I follow Renee through the second floor hallway in a daze. She isn't speaking to me because I overslept this morning. I know I set my alarm last night, but I have no recollection of the stupid thing going off this morning. I had to take the quickest shower in the history of the universe and eat cold strawberry Pop-Tarts in her car on the way to Hell. This definitely isn't the way I envisioned beginning a new school year.

I fall into one of the desks in the back of her classroom, dropping my purse and backpack on the floor. She's busy ignoring me, as she shuffles through the piles of papers on her desk and counts the stacks of textbooks lined up against the wall under the blackboard. I lean forward, resting my head against my crossed arms on the desk. I can't keep my eyes open and a teeny-tiny catnap would be fantastic. Renee will wake me up before the first bell, I'm sure.

She doesn't. She decides to let Emmett do the honors. I am out cold when he decides to wake me by pulling out single strands of my hair, one at a time. When I finally get pissed off enough to wake up, my face is freezing cold and wet. I wipe my cheek, only to discover that I have drooled all over it, my arm, and the desk. To make matters worse, Edward is standing next to Emmett trying not to laugh as Emmett guffaws. I hate them both. And my mother.

With as much dignity as I can muster, I stand and gather my things. My mother is amused as I approach her desk.

I hold out my hand and say, "My schedule?"

She smiles as she tilts her head in Emmett's direction. "He has it."

I whirl around, silently demanding it from him.

"Say please, sleeping beauty," he says cheekily, as he dangles it above my head.

"Cut it out, Emmett," Edward says, snatching it from his hand and giving it to me with an apologetic look.

Normally, I would thank him, but I'm irrationally angry at him for watching me sleep as I drooled all over myself. So, I turn on my heel and exit Renee's classroom without saying a single word to any of them.

"Come on, Bella!" Edward calls out from behind me.

I duck into the girls' bathroom before they can reach me. A glance at my watch reveals there is still at least fifteen minutes before the first bell rings. There is no way I will be able to avoid them for long once that happens. I give myself a quick once over in the mirror. My right cheek is still a little pink from my nap, my hair is frizzy since I didn't have time to blow dry it, and there are dark circles under both of my eyes. I look like complete shit.

"Come on out, Bella. We all have first period English together. You can't avoid us forever," Emmett yells from the other side of the door.

It seems my plan to help Edward acclimate is already blowing up in my haggard, little face. If I could have my way, I would curl up in one of these stalls and sleep for the rest of the day. Since that isn't going to happen, I splash some water on my face so I won't have to smell my own spit. The paper towels feel like sandpaper.

Edward and Emmett are both across the hall leaning against the opposite wall, waiting for me as I exit the bathroom. Edward pushes away first and falls into step beside me.

"I'm sorry about that. You know how he gets." He turns to glare at Emmett before touching my arm. "Please don't be mad."

I glance over at him, and he's staring right back at me. It isn't really fair for me to be angry with him just for being there. I'm the one who fell asleep. Emmett is the one who acted like a bastard. Edward didn't do anything.

"I warned you that I would be grumpy," I say quietly with a small smile.

His answering smile makes my breath catch. I have to make myself look away before I run into someone. The halls are filling up quickly.

"Do you have your schedule?" I ask.

"I do. We have English, lunch, and Biology together. I've got four classes with Emmett. It looks like I'm on my own in American History." He sounds relaxed, and he doesn't really seem nervous at all.

"What about you, Emmett? How much torture am I going to be forced to endure this year?"

"You wound me, woman," he jokes, clutching at his chest playfully. "English and lunch."

"That's it? Well, this year might not be so bad after all."

"You love me and you know it," he says, throwing an arm over my shoulder.

My smile disappears two seconds later when I come face to face with Rosalie Hale, sophomore-bitch-princess extraordinaire.

"Well, well…look what the cat dragged in. Nice shoes." She says, eying me up and down. She tosses her honey gold tresses behind her shoulders as her cronies, Heidi and Tanya, snicker.

"Good to see you, too, your highness," I reply dryly.

"Jesus, you are absolutely pasty. Did you even walk outside one time this summer? Or were you too busy smoking out to bother?"

I glance down at my pale arms before looking her right in eye. "I'm sorry. Radioactive fake and bake orange doesn't look good on me."

I have nothing against people who tan. In fact, a big part of me envies them. I'd love to have a little color. But this chick is orange and her skin reminds me of leather handbags. She should take lessons from Carmen on how to be tanned and pretty. And nice and decent and human. Actually, I'd rather she just drop off the planet. She has hated my guts since the moment I came to this school, and I have no idea why.

"Have a nice day, ladies," Emmett says, gripping my shoulder and steering me away from them.

"What was that about?" Edward asks.

"Nothing," I mutter. I stop when we reach Mrs. Simpson's classroom. "This is me. See you guys in a bit."

Edward leans in close and whispers, "I like your skin just the way it is." Then, he and Emmett disappear in the sea of students.

It takes me a few moments to recover. I'm pretty sure Edward Cullen just flirted with me, although I wish Alice was here to confirm it for me. I am terrible at reading the opposite sex.

Angela Weber is already seated in the back of the classroom. She smiles and waves as I approach and then says hello when I slide into the seat across from her. She lays her schedule on my desk next to my own. We have English, Algebra II, Spanish II, lunch, and Health/PE together. It sucks that we have to take one semester of PE every year of high school. At least I have it last period. Renee probably had something to do with that. I make a mental note to thank her later, if she's speaking to me.

Homeroom passes quickly. Angela and I walk to English together. She takes the front desk in the row closest to the windows, so I choose the seat directly behind her. Edward and Emmett arrive shortly after we do. Edward drops into the desk behind mine, and Emmett sits across from me. There isn't time for idle chit chat because Mr. Wells is all business once the bell rings.

The entire morning is an endless cycle of textbooks, syllabi, and supply lists. I have Algebra II second period with Angela, Alec, and Ben Cheney. Third period American History with Mrs. Anderson is so boring, I fall asleep twice. Charlotte Cooper, Jane's best friend, is nice enough to wake me both times before I'm noticed. She's a junior and we had lunch together last year. I know she's in the band and that her father is the band teacher. Fourth period Spanish II scares the hell out me because I can't remember any Spanish with the exception of "May I be excused?" At least, I think that is what I asked in Spanish when Mrs. Barrett called on me. Regardless, I spent fifteen minutes of that class in the ladies room.

Emmett, Edward, Alec and Jane beat us to the lunchroom. I take the seat next to Edward, and Angela sits next to me.

"Don't let Emmett pull my hair if I fall asleep," I tell him as I lay my head on the table.

"Why are you so tired today? We got off the phone at nine. I thought you were going to bed," he replies.

"I tried. I couldn't sleep and ended up watching old recorded episodes of Twin Peaks until sometime after midnight. Then I had all these weird dreams."

"Imagine that."

I look up at him and roll my eyes. He smiles, shaking his head.

"My mom makes me get up at an unholy hour so she can be here early. I got no sleep last night."

"Why don't you let me drive you to school from now on? At least until you get your license next month."

The offer is so, so tempting. "Then you would have to leave early," I argue.

"I'm taking Emmett anyway. Your house is only a few minutes away from his," he explains.

I sit up straight in my seat, wide awake for the moment, because Edward just implied he knows where I live. This is news to me.

"How do you know how close my house is to Emmett's?" I ask.

He blushes and pushes his glasses up on his nose. He runs a hand through his hair, before muttering, "We went to Felix's house last Tuesday to play video games. Emmett pointed out your neighborhood. I don't know where your house is exactly, but I know the general area. It's on the way."

"That would give me an extra hour of sleep every morning."

He nods.

"I'll have to ask Renee. I don't think she'll care, especially after this morning, but I should at least ask."

"I'll go with you. We can do it after school. Emmett didn't bother to introduce me this morning, and I'm sure she'll at least want to meet me before she agrees to let me chauffer her only daughter for the next few weeks."

It's official. Edward is the most thoughtful boy I've ever met. There are few things in this world I love more than sleep, and he has just added hours of it to my near future. If Renee says okay, which I am almost positive will happen.

My stomach grumbles loudly as a reminder that I didn't have time to pack a lunch this morning.

"Are you hungry?" Edward asks as he eyes the empty space on the table in front of me.

"No time to pack a lunch this morning."

"I'll buy you something."

"I have money. I don't eat cafeteria food. It's disgusting."

Angela is sweet enough to give me an apple from her lunch. Edward shares his Cheetos. I scarf down their offerings as I glance around the cafeteria. Next to me, Angela sighs. I follow her line of vision to the far corner of the cafeteria.

Ben Cheney is seated at a table with several of the other baseball players. I recognize Royce King immediately. He's the asshole with Rosalie Hale perched on his lap. They've been attached at the privates since the middle of last year. They're perfect for each other. He's the best looking guy at PA, in most of the female population's opinion anyway. And Rosalie Hale is an image of perfection, except for being overly tanned. He's the Junior Class President and the pitcher on the baseball team. She's only a sophomore, but she's a hot cheerleader so that makes up for the slight age difference. Really, it's kind of sickening how perfect they are for each other.

Angela has been pining for Ben since I came to this school. He's not a bad guy. He's smart, he's friendly with everyone, and he doesn't have the superiority complex that so many of the jocks at this school possess. Irina Coleman is sitting next to him now, flirting and trying to keep his attention. I haven't had many interactions with her, but I know she's a junior and she cheers. Poor Angela. She's watched Ben date one girl after another, and she can barely manage to say hello to him.

I lean over to her and whisper, "Don't sweat it. He doesn't seem to be interested." She just shakes her head and taps her watch.

She's right. It's almost time to go.

"Come on," I tell Edward as I pull on his shirt sleeve. "We need to get to Banner's class early so we can get a table together. If you want to be partners, I mean."

For one moment, I panic. It probably would have been more polite to ask him if he wants to be lab partners, instead of making it a secondary request after bossing him around.

Then he looks over at me, smirks, and replies, "Yes, ma'am."

I promise to meet Angela after Bio, so we can walk to Health together. Edward deposits our trash in the can next to the cafeteria door as we exit. We are alone in the hall. Absolutely alone. He's talking to me about his classes, but I'm having a little trouble focusing. When he opened the cafeteria door, his forearm flexed in a ridiculous way, and now I can't stop stealing glances at it. He's not an obviously hot guy at first glance, but I don't understand how someone this funny and sweet with a smile like his, could possibly be a "sort of" technical virgin. The way he smells is enough to make me want to get naked.

I can't help but wonder if Alice could be right. Maybe he could like me. He called me first, he let me eat his pickles, and now he wants to drive me around. Maybe if I-

"Bella?"

"Huh?"

"I asked if you know where Banner's classroom is?"

I look around for the first time since we've left the cafeteria. Somehow, I've led us to the entrance to the auditorium. Banner's class is in the opposite direction. I mumble something about being tired as I turn around.

When I finally get us there, we choose a lab table in the back of the class, near a window. Edward pulls out both stools and then motions for me to pick the one I want. Edward's mother has trained him well. The boy has impeccable manners. I can hardly believe he's related to Emmett.

Mr. Banner comes in a few moments after the warning bell rings. I count five other sophomores, two seniors, and the rest of the class is made up of juniors. At the very last possible moment before the tardy bell rings, Irina Coleman walks in with Aaron Accord.

Edward keeps me entertained by scribbling notes in my binder while Mr. Banner drones on and on about lab safety and coursework.

As we're leaving, we agree to meet in Renee's class after the last bell. Angela is waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. We walk together to Ms. White's room for Health. We'll have her for the first semester and then Coach Banks for PE during the second semester. This is actually a real stroke of luck for us. He coaches the baseball team and since their season is during the spring semester, he'll be distracted for most of the semester. A last period, second semester PE class is a dream come true for a Phys Ed slacker like me.

Angela and I enjoy a brief mini-celebration until Rosalie Hale and Heidi Marshall join us in Ms. White's class. The idea of dressing out in front of two buxom, bitchy cheerleaders is enough to effectively rain on our proverbial parade. Now, instead of celebrating, I'm trying to think of a way to break my leg to avoid participation. This is going to be the worst year ever.

Ms. White passes out all of our books and materials before disappearing. She doesn't bother to return before the dismissal bell. I wonder if she plans on making this a daily routine. Angela and I avoid our cheerleader friends by waiting until the class empties to leave.

I still beat Edward to Renee's classroom. Royce King is standing at her desk, leaning over as he smiles and talks to her. It looks like he is trying to charm his way into her good graces. He doesn't need to bother. Renee teaches every section of eleventh grade English, honors and regular. She gives so many extra credit opportunities, it would be nearly impossible to fail any of her classes.

She smiles when she notices me gaping at the two of them. Royce turns and narrows his eyes before smiling.

"Hi, Bella. How's it going?"

I have no idea what kind of game he's playing. He has never spoken a word to me before this moment. I'm sure he is aware of his girlfriend's long-term hatred for me.

"Good."

"Well, have a nice afternoon," he says as he smiles at my mother. "See you tomorrow, Ms. Swan."

Gross. Royce King is flirting with my mother. He winks and smirks at me, deliberately brushing against my left side as he walks past me. I scoff and shake my head. I don't give him the satisfaction of turning around to watch him walk out.

"I heard you slept through one class and disappeared from another," Renee says evenly.

I just shrug.

"These are my colleagues, Bella. You are my daughter and a member of the Honor Society. There are certain…expectations that come with both of those titles."

"Sorry to disappoint you, Mom." I don't mean to sound so sarcastic, but at the end of the day, I'm still just a teenager. "Edward offered to take me to school in the mornings, so I'll get more sleep and I'll try to do better."

There is a quiet knock on her open door moments before Edward joins me in front of her desk.

"Mom, this is Edward. Edward, meet my mother, Renee Swan."

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Swan," he says as they shake hands.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Mr. Cullen," she says with a gleam in her eye. This can't be good. "I've heard a lot about you. Bella says you want to drive her to school?"

That's not what I said. I said he offered. There is a big difference between offering and wanting. She's doing this on purpose, I'm sure. Payback. I embarrass her. She embarrasses me. Turn about and all that.

"Yes, ma'am," he replies without missing a beat.

"You're sure it's no trouble?" She is smiling and looking between the two of us as she asks.

"No trouble at all. My mom is making me drive Emmett every morning, anyway."

She laughs. He's won her over with his flawless manners, his shy smile, and the subtle insinuation that driving Emmett is a pain in the ass. Mom loves Emmett, but even she thinks he's a pain in the ass.

"I have two conditions. You drive safely, and you let me give you gas money."

"I'll be careful anytime Bella is in my car, I promise, but I really don't need any gas money."

She asks him a few questions about his driving record and his old school. Once she is satisfied, she turns to me.

"I'm not quite ready to leave, Bella. I need at least a half hour."

My whole body sags in defeat. I don't know how much longer I can stay awake. The thought of being in this building for another half hour, which really means an hour in Renee speak, exhausts me.

"I'll take you home," Edward says.

I'm so relieved, I could cry. I beg Renee with my eyes.

"Get out of here" is her only reply.

As I walk out of her classroom with Edward at my side, I decide this year might not be so bad after all.

**A/N: So, I feel kind of weird mentioning this, but it must be done. In the last posted chapter of this story, I mentioned Jani Lane. He was the lead singer for the band Warrant. He died a few days after that chapter posted and I considered going back and taking out his name. I have decided not to. I obviously rocked out to some Warrant at some point in my early youth. RIP Janie Lane, hope you found your "Heaven," dude.**

**Also, I want to thank you, the reader, for joining me in this little venture. It hasn't received a lot of reviews, and I'm okay with that. The number of Story Alerts more than makes up for it. Still, if you want to review…that would make me a very happy camper. **

**I realize this fic is dated. It is set in the 90's, after all. If there is a term you aren't sure about, ask me. I'm super sweet and I'll answer almost anything. **

**Twin Peaks is a TV show that aired from 1990-1991. It centered on an FBI agent's investigation of a young woman's murder in the whacked out town of Twin Peaks. You can find it on Netflix, if you are so inclined. Beware…it's a bit…trippy.**

**Thanks for reading, **

**MSC **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a needy husband. He's the reason this is late. Thanks again, sis, for looking over this chapter. All mistakes are mine. Minor drug use and we'll shake things up by adding underage drinking. Shame on me. **

Chapter 5

_Why can't I get just one kiss?  
>Why can't I get just one kiss?<br>Believe me there's somethings I wouldn't miss,  
>but I look at your pants and I need a kiss.<em>

_(Add It Up- Violent Femmes)_

There is nothing in the world like sleeping late. Skipping school with permission on your sixteenth birthday is pretty awesome too. I called Charlie at ten to let him know I was awake. I'm freshly showered, dressed, and sipping coffee on Renee's porch when he pulls into the driveway an hour later.

I hold up one finger as a sign that I need a couple of minutes. He nods.

Once I'm inside, I rinse my cup and leave it in the sink. Coffee pot off. Check. Back door locked. Check. Overnight bag and purse. Check. I leave through the front door, turning the bottom lock as I go. A quick check verifies it actually locked. And we're off.

After wishing me a happy birthday, Charlie quizzes me with random questions from the _Washington State Driver's Manual_ during the entire trip. I don't know why he bothers. I don't miss a single one. He should know by now that I know how to study. This might be one of those rare moments when I hate that my dad is a cop. He knows every traffic law in the state of Washington so his questions are endless.

By the time we reach the Department of Motor Vehicles, I could probably administer the damn test.

"You ready?" He is one hundred percent serious.

"Relax, Dad," I say playfully. "You're more freaked out about this than I am."

Renee has let me drive a few times over the last few weeks. She thinks once or twice a week to the grocery store is good practice. Edward disagrees. He actually let me drive me the Volvo every day this week, which pissed Emmett off to no end.

Evidently, Charlie is coming in with me. I feel like a little kid as he holds the door open and ushers me in with his arm.

"Hey, Sybil," he says, smiling as he greets the woman behind the glass partition.

"This must be Bella!" She smiles warmly at me and then my father.

"Bella, this is Sybil. She's here in Forks on Wednesdays and Fridays."

"Nice to meet you," I say.

"Charlie, this will take about a half hour. Then, if she passes, Bobby will give her the driving exam after lunch."

"Good luck, kid." He waves as I follow Sybil through an oak door.

At the end of a small hallway, there is a small room with three computers spaced evenly against the far wall.

"Take your pick," Sybil says when I hesitate in the doorway.

I choose the one in the center. She boots the computer, types in a few passwords, and inputs information from the application in her hand. Charlie must have filled it out when he made the appointment.

"Read the questions and then touch your answer," she tells me. "There are twenty five multiple choice questions. You must answer twenty correctly to pass. I'll be at the front desk if you have any questions.

"And this," she says as she scoops up my purse, "Comes with me." She winks and disappears.

I skim over the instructions quickly and touch the small, green START button on the bottom right hand side of the screen.

_On multiple-laned roads, the far left lane is used only for…_

_When a school bus traveling towards you is stopped with its red lights flashing and the roadway is four lanes wide with a median, you should…_

_When following a fire truck, you may follow no closer than…_

I like the questions with pictures of road signs the best. This test is a total joke. I'm done in less than ten minutes with a perfect score. Sybil looks up as I approach her desk.

"Done."

She smiles and excuses herself to collect my test results.

I look at Charlie. "Perfect score, old man."

"Thirty-four isn't old, Bella." He shakes his head, a wry grin on his face.

"Huh." I look thoughtful. "Well, having a sixteen year old daughter with a license will get you there in no time."

He throws his head back and laughs. I love the way Charlie looks when he's happy. It's the only time he looks youthful. Most of the time, his brow is furrowed, and he looks far too serious.

Sybil joins us in the office and advises Charlie that I did indeed pass with a perfect score. She verifies that Bobby will meet us in the parking lot at two o'clock.

Charlie takes me to the diner for lunch. He asks about school…my classes, my teachers, my friends. For some reason, he is unhappy about Edward driving me to and from school.

"It isn't appropriate, Bella. One girl spending so much time alone with two boys." He looks away, rubbing the back of his neck as he says this.

"Dad please. This isn't nineteen sixty five. Girls can be friends with boys and hang out."

"That isn't what I mean, and you know it."

The truth is, I have no idea what he means or what he thinks I know. He glances down at his watch. Whatever quasi-argument we've been having, will have to wait. He pays our bill before rushing me out to the car.

Charlie surprises me by turning in the opposite direction of the DMV. Soon, I realize he is driving towards home. We have time, but I can't imagine why he would choose now to make a quick trip by the house.

I understand moments later as he parks at the curb instead of the driveway. The driveway is blocked by the ugliest monstrosity of a truck I've ever seen. There are dents all along the length of the bed. Faded red and rust. I love it.

This means I don't have to go to the res with Charlie to pick it up. This day just keeps getting better. "Thanks, Dad!"

"Let's go," he says as he climbs out of the cruiser.

I am momentarily surprised when he walks around to the passenger side of the truck. It makes sense, I guess. The door creaks and groans when I open it to climb into the cab. Charlie has his arm extended with a set of keys dangling from his hand.

He drops them into my open palm, and I take one moment to look at the keyring. It is a black rubber circle with the words _Drive Safely Someone Loves You _printed in white block letters. He is such a dad.

"Bella, this is a three on a tree," he explains, leaning towards me, "Towards you and up for reverse, towards you and down for first, away from you and up for second, and away from you and down for third. Can you remember that?"

Sometimes, Charlie is so clueless.

"Relax, Dad, Jake let me drive this thing on the res all the time."

He exhales and moves back into his seat. I make a big show of fastening my seatbelt. I can do responsible. Charlie just needs to see it to believe it. I don't even reach for the radio. Leaving it off might impress him.

We arrive early for my driving exam. Charlie reaches for the door handle and then pauses, "Don't hit a dog. Hitting a living creature during the driving exam is an automatic failure." I gape at him as his lips curl into a half grin. "Good luck, kid."

"Right," I tell myself once I'm alone in the cab. "Don't hit anything. Got it."

Bobby is a short, balding older man. He has a clipboard in one hand and a vending machine honey bun in the other. He inspects my truck warily before climbing into the passenger seat. Charlie waves and disappears inside the building.

I make sure I signal properly, make complete stops, and I even keep my hands at ten and two. I remember to look over my right shoulder as I'm backing up to parallel park. I'm on alert the entire time, watching for any small animals to jump into my path. None do.

Bobby is absolutely silent after I pull into a parking space back at the DMV. He writes something on the paper attached to the clipboard before releasing it and placing it in my hand.

"Congratulations, Ms. Swan. You scored a ninety-five."

_What the fuck?_

There is no way I should have had any points deducted. That should be a 100. Before I can say anything, he exits my truck and slams the passenger door in my face.

I scramble out, intent on making him correct my score, but Charlie is blocking me.

"Well?"

"I got a ninety-five." My teeth are clenched, and I am gripping the stupid sheet of paper in my fist.

"Great. Let's get your picture made."

He's right. I only needed an 80 to pass. I'm still going to get my license. So what if that idiot made a mistake on my evaluation. It doesn't matter.

The picture taking and license making only takes a few minutes. Charlie humors me on the way home as I pull into the parking lot at Forks High. I've got bitches to see. We park a few spots down from Leah's car, roll down the windows, and wait. The dismissal bell rings not long after. Charlie and I both get out. He lets down the tailgate, and we both sit on it.

Carmen and Leah walk out together, heads close with books clutched to their chests. It takes them a few moments to spot us. Once they do, they rush over and hug me. I have my license out and in my hands. Leah snatches it so they can both inspect it.

Carmen flirts with Charlie as I scan the lot, looking for Alice. There is still no sign of her. I do, however, see Maria Dobbins. Her eyes meet mine briefly. I want to be angry. I want to walk over to her and give her a piece of my mind. Only, I don't really want to. I should want to, but instead of feeling angry, I just don't feel anything towards her.

_Huh._

Alice arrives a few moments later.

"Happy Birthday," she says, enveloping me in a hug.

"Thanks." I am smiling like an idiot at every person who walks by. Mike, Jessica, and Lauren smile and wave before departing without a word. Alice and Leah tease me relentlessly about my driver's license picture. And I swear, if Carmen touches my father's arm one more time, I am going to punch her.

"Alright girls," Charlie begins as he jumps from the tailgate. "It's been fun, but Bella and I have plans for this afternoon. You'll have to settle for tonight."

"Time?" I ask Alice.

"Eight."

"I'll be there."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Charlie asks me to swing by the station on our way home. Deputy Mark has a gift for me. He gives it to me and sends his wife's love, but instructs me not to open it until Charlie says it's okay. The guys at the station sing a horrible rendition of "Happy Birthday" that leaves me in stitches.

Charlie seems a little nervous as we pull into the driveway at home.

"I hope you don't mind," he says hesitantly. "Billy and Rachel are coming for dinner. They want to see you and wish you a happy birthday." He stops and shifts uncomfortably.

"That's fine." I say it like I mean it because I don't want Charlie to feel bad. Truth be told, I don't really mind. Billy has always been good to me, and Rachel is a sweetheart.

Charlie holds the door open for me as I drag my stuff in. I take one second to close my eyes and inhale. Charlie's house always smells like RemOil, cherry tobacco, and Old Spice. The combination is homey.

"Why don't you take your stuff upstairs while I check on the fish? I want to make sure it thawed."

"Aye, aye, Captain."

I trudge up the stairs, stopping to toss my toiletry bag on the counter in the bathroom. My bedroom door is closed, as usual. I flip the light switch and stop dead in my tracks. The Superman comforter I've had since seventh grade is gone. There is a lovely, lavender bedding set in its place.

On the bedside table, there is a brand new Vtech cordless phone.

Charlie clears his throat behind me. I whirl around, amazed that he's done all this.

"I love it!" I really, really love it.

"You sure? The lady at the mall in Port Angeles said this would be perfect for a young lady."

"It is perfect. Thanks, Daddy."

He points to a post-it note next to the phone and grants me permission to open my gift from Mark and Cheryl before leaving me to my own devices.

I tear into the package in my hand. It's an answering machine. Charlie must have suggested it. A truck, a grown-up bedroom, a phone, and an answering machine…apparently, he really takes this milestone thing seriously.

I scan the instructions for the answering machine before plugging it in and recording a greeting_._ As I adjust the equipment, my attention is drawn to the post-it.

Of course. My new phone number.

There's a knock moments before Rachel peeks her head around my open door.

"Happy Birthday," she says a few seconds later, hugging me in the center of my room.

"Thanks."

She shoves a cassette into my hand. Her handwriting is on the inside cover of a Maxell.

"Tribal music. I know you like it."

I grin and nod. What I really like is listening to it stoned.

I put it in the stereo, keeping the volume low so we can still talk. I haven't seen Rachel since the day her stupid, older brother dumped me. She doesn't say his name one single time as we hang out before dinner.

Billy is the same. We laugh and talk over fried fish and pasta salad from the Thriftway deli. They both seem thrilled that I like the truck. Rachel clears the table, insisting that I get a break since it's my birthday.

She comes back with a small cake from the bakery. I eat a tiny piece to placate Charlie since he went to the trouble of getting it. I stay and chat with them in the family room until the last possible moment.

"Well," I start nervously. "I'm gonna go to Alice's now." I've never really had to ask Charlie to go anywhere before, and I don't want to set some kind of precedent by doing it now.

He just smiles and says, "I'll see you in the morning."

"Right."

I hug Billy, Rachel, and Charlie before exiting the house and walking out to my truck. Alone. For the first time ever.

I throw my bag into the passenger seat before climbing into the cab. There is a moment of absolute giddiness over my new freedom. I pull six cassettes from my bag and dig through them until I find the one I want. I put the others in the otherwise empty glove box.

The first drops of rain splatter against the windshield as I turn onto Alice's street. I park as quickly as possible behind Leah's car and then dash madly from my truck to the front porch. I make it just as the downpour begins.

I don't bother knocking. The girls are in the kitchen, seated around the small table across from the stove. They are finishing up a pizza.

"So, what's the plan?" I ask, taking the only open seat.

"Well, we're going to have a little party," Alice informs me in her sing-songy _I'm high _voice.

Oh hell. Leah and Carmen are both giggling now, and I think Alice might be serious.

"Why? Why? Why would you do that?" I whine.

She turns to me with a straight face. "You haven't been here on your birthday in two years. This is something to celebrate."

I don't say another word. I do feel like an inappreciative asshole.

"Does Jeanette know about this?" I ask weakly.

"Yes and so does Charlie. He said to have fun and make sure he doesn't get any calls tonight from my neighbors." Alice is dragging me onto the back porch now.

Carmen shoves a small bong into my lap and informs me that I have some catching up to do. I hit it three times before telling her to keep her damn hands off my father. She laughs, which causes me to laugh, which causes me to choke on my fourth hit.

Jasper and Eric Yorkie join us shortly after I've regained my composure. Mike, Jessica, Lauren, Garrett, and Lee show up minutes later. The rain is still coming down and it sounds heavenly. I don't want to go inside, but the back porch is small and screened in and quite honestly, I feel a little crowded.

I accept birthday greetings from everyone as I make my way to the back door. They are passing the bong around as Mike hands out beers from a small cooler. I pass on the beer and slip inside, intending to get a Coke from the fridge.

The doorbell rings as I take my first sip. Alice is on Jasper's lap on the back porch. I decide to just answer the door myself since whoever it is, is here for my party.

I throw open the door and freeze. Edward and Emmett are standing on Alice's porch. Edward is wet. Standing on Alice's porch. Edward's hair is darker when it's wet. His shirt is clinging to his chest, and there are definitely nipples under that U2 shirt. I lick my lips.

Edward is standing on Alice's front porch, soaking wet, and looking at me like I've lost my mind. Obviously, I have.

"Come in. Come in." I tell them, moving aside so they can walk into the living room.

I wait until they're both inside to launch myself at Edward.

"Thank you for coming," I tell him as I bury my face in the long sleeved flannel he has over the t-shirt. And then it hits me. I'm hugging Edward Cullen and maybe rubbing against him. A little.

I move away quickly and give Emmett a quick hug. It really does mean a lot to me. They had to make the drive from PA just to be here.

I didn't realize just how much I wished I could see Edward today, until he was right in front of me. Wet. He's looking a little self conscious as he dries his glasses on the inside of his shirt.

"Oh good! You made it," Alice says as she joins us. She slugs Emmett on the arm, salutes Edward, and tells them both to follow her if they want towels.

They disappear down the hall, and I slip into Alice's room. I need gum and lip gloss. I haven't had a moment alone with Edward since the night we went to Wendy's, and I am going to change that. He always drops me off before Emmett and there are always people around at school. I want to touch him and see if his skin is as warm as I remember.

Alice appears behind me as I check out my reflection in the mirror. "It's time," she says calmly.

_Yes, it is. _

She leads me to the dining room where everyone is gathered. Carmen steps in from the kitchen holding a large silver tray with cupcakes forming a 16. They all have chocolate icing and a rainbow candle. Someone hits the light as she reaches the table and the room is washed in flickering candlelight.

"Make a wish," Alice says at my right.

"Make it good," Leah adds.

I close my eyes and lean forward, taking one moment to wish for the boy standing across from me wearing a damp t-shirt. Then I blow.

The lights are bright when Mike flips them back on. I blink.

"Alice made the cupcakes," Jasper tells me as he peels the paper from one of the lovely treats.

I shouldn't have one since I already ate cake at home, but they look so good, and Alice made them. I take one for myself and one for Edward. I make eye contact with him and gesture for him to follow me.

The back porch is unoccupied since everyone is inside gushing over Alice's cupcakes and clearing a space on the table to play Quarters.

"Sit with me?" I ask.

The screen door closes with a small bang.

"Sure," he says, following me to the small love seat that faces the yard.

I sit first, and he takes the seat next to me. I give him his cupcake, and then embarrass the hell out myself by moaning when I bite into mine. I love chocolate icing. I could eat that stuff with a spoon. I have eaten it with a spoon.

He chuckles before demolishing his own cupcake in two bites.

"How long have you known?" I ask casually.

"Alice called Emmett two weeks ago."

I nod. "So you've been keeping this a secret for two weeks?"

It is his turn to nod. "Alice was very specific about keeping this a secret."

"You let me get out of your car yesterday without a word. You let me hang up the phone last night without a word." I pause for one moment. "I thought you forgot. I thought you weren't going to wish me a happy birthday at all." I make sure to keep my tone light.

I did wonder why he didn't say it last night, but now I know.

He touches my hand, and I turn my face to him.

"Happy Birthday, Bella." He is looking at me like I'm a cupcake now.

I lean in. He leans in. We're right there. Inches apart.

"Thank you," I whisper.

I am just about to close the distance when he jerks back.

"I have something for you. In my car. Let me get it." He looks a little green.

Okay. Maybe I've read this all wrong. I reach for the baggie and the bong. "Wait for me. I'll come with you." I don't look at him. Instead, I check the water level. I pack it medium-tight. Just right. I cover the carb and light. I can feel his eyes on me as I inhale. He watches my mouth as I exhale. Doesn't mean much. He's been watching my damn mouth for weeks. Look, but don't touch.

" Can I?" He asks, after I exhale.

I am so shocked, I nearly drop the bong. I've never seen Edward smoke. He's never once mentioned smoking.

"Have you smoked before?" I try desperately not to sound dubious. I fail miserably.

"I spent half my summer with Emmett, Alec, and Felix. What do you think?" He is challenging me with his eyes. He looks a little pissed, and his hair is sticking up everywhere.

I don't say a word. I just hand it over. I don't think Edward Cullen has ever smoked weed in his life.

He takes the bong, resting it against his chest. His hands move confidently as he covers the carb and lights the bowl. I lean forward anxiously. I expect him to cough. He doesn't. He inhales deeply. I expect him to cough. He doesn't. He holds it right around twelve seconds and exhales through his nostrils. I want to watch him do that over and over and over.

After two more hits, I convince him I've had enough. He smokes it alone, and I watch him like the horny little pervert I am. I love the way his hair touches the top of his glasses. When he smiles, they shift higher onto his face. And then it hits me. The virgin thing. He told me the first time we talked, that he was too afraid to ask that chick, Maggie, to be his girlfriend.

He freaked. He did want to kiss me, he just freaked out.

He has even less experience with this physical stuff than I do. This might pose a problem. The experience I do have isn't great. It isn't really even good, if I'm being totally honest. If I have to take charge, we're probably in pretty deep shit.

_God, I need to focus. _

My brain is scattered. Probably because I haven't smoked weed in a week, and this shit is hitting me like a truck.

"Can you wait right here?" I ask, holding my hands out to indicate that he should stay exactly where he is.

"Sure." Oh, yeah, he is baked. His smile is small, and his eyes are a little squinty.

I make a beeline for Alice. I yank her away from Jasper and pull her into her bedroom, closing the door behind us.

"I am going to kiss Edward tonight." I don't beat around the bush.

Her brow furrows. "Well, yeah, that's kind of the point of him being here." She is doing that thing. She talks to me like I'm a toddler when she thinks I am being stupid. "You said you weren't sure. Well, you can be sure. That dude likes you. When you leaned over to blow out your candles, Eric, Lee, and Emmett all looked down at your tits the moment your eyes closed. Edward watched your face."

I look down.

"So, he thinks I'm pretty…but he doesn't like my tits?"

"Holy shit, you can be so dumb. Think about it tomorrow, okay? You'll get it then," she tells me as she shoves me out of her room and down the hallway. "Just go. Trust me," she whispers.

He's still on the porch, exactly where I left him. I can see his face in the glow of the street lamp. I swallow. His profile is lovely. I'd like to commission an artist to draw it in pencil. The tiny curve in his cheek, the tuft of hair covering the spot where the frame of his glasses disappear just above his ear, and his mouth…he's just…

I sigh. Out loud. _Oh my God_. He turns his head and looks me dead in the face. The laziest half smile I've ever seen appears slowly on his lips.

There is no way I am going to be able to kiss him. No freaking way. He's too perfect. And now I've been totally busted staring at him.

"I have something for you," he says, still smiling.

I wonder for a moment if he has any idea how that sounds.

"Yeah?" I'm shooting for nonchalance.

"A present, remember?" He stands and walks towards me. I stiffen as he approaches.

He doesn't lean in, but he does take my hand. He tugs my arm as he maneuvers us through the house and out onto the front porch. It is still raining, although not as hard as when he arrived.

"Come on," he says as he lets go of my hand.

Then he's gone. I follow right behind him, and he opens the passenger door for me. The moment I'm tucked inside, he slams the door. I lean over to unlock his door as he runs around the back of the Volvo.

By the time he gets in and slams the door, I feel sick. I don't think I've ever felt this nervous about a guy in my entire life. I run my hand through my hair and wipe the raindrops from my face.

He's doing the same. The way his fingers disappear into his disheveled hair is fascinating.

He reaches into the backseat, and his chest is only inches away from my face. Damn him and his stupid wet t-shirt.

He places a small, beautifully wrapped gift on my thigh.

I peek at him before lifting it and tearing into the silver paper. It's a cassette. A Pearl Jam cassette.

"Rolling Stone gave it a great review, so I bought it for myself last month. I got it the day after I met you, I guess. Or the day after we talked for the first time. Whatever."

I laugh a little at his frustration. He's flustered, and I think it's adorable.

"Just call it the day we met," I say. That's how I think of it too. "Is that why you were at the record store that day?"

He nods silently.

"I wish Jake hadn't been there." I can't keep the wistfulness out of my voice. "We could have met in person."

He looks down into his lap. "I knew who you were." He must sense my confusion because he continues quickly, "I told you that I didn't realize it was you until after the fact." He shifts uncomfortably. "That's not exactly true. There is a picture of you and Emmett on his bulletin board. I guess somebody took it last year. I saw it. I saw it before we ever called you that first day. Emmett only called you because he caught me staring at it fifty times this summer. He let me think you were his girlfriend too, which really pissed me off once I found out you weren't. Anyway, I saw your hair and your eyes and I knew it was you. I was trying to convince myself to talk to you when that jackass showed up."

I stare at him, trying to figure out how to respond. I am shocked. Flattered, but shocked.

"Bella," he whispers, looking right back at me. "Tell me what you're thinking. Please."

I don't want to. We've both said enough. I'm tired of talking.

I shift onto my knees and then slowly climb across the console and the gear shift, until I am hovering with a knee settled on each side of his lap.

"I think you should kiss me." I look him right in the eye as I say it.

_I'll give up every single birthday wish for the next thirty years… if he'll just do it. I swear._

He leans forward as I lower myself. Our chests are flush. His eyes are on my mouth as I lower my face to his. His lips catch mine gently, brushing lightly before sucking gently. He tastes like chocolate and weed and every other favorite thing I have in the world. He caresses my neck with both hands as he slides his fingers into my hair, tilting my head. His tongue is soft against my bottom lip.

I've never really been kissed. Not like this. I realize it the moment our tongues touch for the first time. He is soft lips and gentle tongue. Nips and pecks. Every part of me wants to be closer. I grip his shoulders tightly, shifting my weight, trying to ease some of the ache that is blooming in my chest and every other part of me.

He moans as he shifts his hips beneath me. Alice is right. He does like me. In this moment, pressed together so tightly and kissing each other breathless, I can feel exactly how much he likes me.

I gasp and break the kiss, trying to resist the urge to all out hump him in the front seat of his car in my friend's driveway the first time we ever kiss. He peppers tiny kisses along my cheek and neck before resting his head against my chest. His cheek is on my heart, and I'm a little embarrassed because I'm sure he can feel and possibly even hear how wildly it is beating.

He wraps both of his arms around me and hugs me to him. I bring my own arms up to cradle his head against my chest.

"Wow." I can feel his breath against my skin as he says it.

I giggle. He's right. That kiss was totally worth thirty-one wishes.

"You know we have to go in, right?" I have to force the words out. "As much as I would love to stay out here with you doing this," I say as I wave my hand between the two of us, "Alice would kill us."

"So you like it," he grins slyly. "Does that mean I can kiss you again?"

"Anytime."

Edward decides that right now is as good as any other time. His lips meet mine sweetly before he leans back and smiles.

"I wish I could keep you to myself all night," he says sincerely. "But I want your friends to like me, so I suppose I'll have to share."

He's right. I really can't ditch my own party. I open his car door, and he helps me out. He follows as I dash to the porch. We shake off as much of the rain as we can. He takes my hand in his, but pauses before entering the house.

"Is this okay?" He holds up our joined hands between us.

I squeeze his hand before turning and tugging him behind me. I walk straight to the dining room with my hand in Edward's. I see the exact moment of recognition on Alice's faces as she eyes us. I feel like everyone is staring. I stare back. The room is absolutely quiet for what seems like an eternity.

"Shit." Leah breaks the silence as she digs around in her purse. She pulls out a ten dollar bill and throws it across the table at Carmen before glaring at Edward. "Thanks a lot, Romeo."

Thankfully, the games continue and the chatter resumes. I'm not sure exactly what Edward and I are doing. I only know that I want him to hold my hand, and I don't care who sees. I'll deal with The Pack later.

"Come with me to get a beer," Emmett says, jerking his head towards the kitchen.

I step onto the porch, lightly closing the door as Emmett reaches into the cooler. He brushes the top of the can with the palm of his hand. He deliberately isn't looking at me.

He seems thoughtful as he pops the tab and takes a long pull. The silence is making me uneasy. Surely he approves.

"Don't fuck him unless you're serious about this thing. I love you, B, but I don't want this to end up as some sort of rebound thing. Okay?"

It bothers me more than I want to admit that Emmett thinks I would do something like that. I'm not Carmen for fuck's sake. He knows I don't sleep around. He knows way too much about me to say some shit like that.

"You know I wouldn't do something like that." I may be whispering, but there is no mistaking the edge in my voice.

He finally meets my eyes as he nods. "Come here."

I sit beside him. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"It's for your sake too, you know. You need to take things slow," he says seriously.

A little bit of the anger dissipates. He means well. He doesn't want either of us to get hurt. I can't stay angry over that, especially after we take a couple of conciliatory hits from the bong. He pulls a dime bag from his pocket and places it in my hand as he sings "Happy Birthday_._"

We're best buds by the time we join the others. Mike promised to give Lauren a ride to Brent's apartment in PA, so they are the first to leave. Eric convinces Garrett to stay so the guys can play poker.

The girls and I sprawl out on the floor and watch old episodes of _The Young Ones._ I have to admit this party has been fun. It's more of a non-party, which is exactly my style. No big fuss. No dancing. No making out. Well, except my own which is acceptable since it's my birthday.

At the end of the night, I walk with Edward to his car. The rain has finally stopped, and I need to get my tape. Emmett lingers on the front step, chatting with the girls.

Edward pauses when we reach the Volvo. He's hesitating, and I get it. I feel a little nervous myself. He leans back against the car, places his hands on my hips, and pulls me closer.

"So, I'll see you Monday at school?" I ask.

He looks down. "Right."

"What?" I ask, nudging him with my shoulder.

"I'm going to miss driving you to school." His face is a little flushed, and he still hasn't raised his eyes.

It makes me really happy that he wants to take me to school. The truck gives me a means to see my friends in Forks more often, but I could care less about driving it every day.

"Well," I say, leaning into him, "I guess you should pick me up at the normal time then, eh?"

He smiles. It makes me want to climb in his trunk and smuggle myself home with him. I kiss him instead. I keep it clean, aware of our small audience.

Emmett bangs on the top of the car. He's ready to go. We all say our goodbyes. Watching them drive away sucks. I linger on the porch until they're out of sight.

Jasper's mom arrives a few minutes later. Then, it's just us. I try to make a swift retreat, but Carmen is on me. They all want one more bowl and answers before bed.

"I can't believe you bet on me," I say accusingly.

"I knew the moment you spazzed in the Safeway parking lot," Carmen laughs. "You looked like you wanted to rip my head off."

I grimace. I did want to rip her head off. Jeez, I was jealous the night I met him. Alice is right. I am dumb.

"What about you?" I ask Leah.

"I knew something was up in the car, on the way to the show. I just figured it would take a little longer for you two to actually hook up."

That's not possible. I hadn't even seen him yet. Any argument I come up with in my head sounds weak, so I don't say a word.

I smoke and laugh with them. I give them a few details, and we play the Pearl Jam tape. I can't stop thinking about what Leah said. I wonder how much of this started before I ever even laid eyes on Edward Cullen.

**A/N: **_**The Young Ones**_** is a British comedy from the 80's about four mis-matched university students sharing a house in North London. **

**The Pearl Jam tape mentioned in this chapter is **_**Ten**_**. **

**Thanks for reading. **

**MSC**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a copy of the new Night Huntress novel by Jeaniene Frost. It's awesome. **

**My sister proofread this, and I thank her for it. Any mistakes you find were made by me. **

_You are here with me_

_You are here with me_

_You have been here and you are everything_

_(You Are The Everything- REM)_

I wake early Monday morning, long before the alarm goes off. It's still dark outside. I watch the numbers change on the digital clock. I'll see him in just over two hours. My stomach flips a little at the thought. Everything was fine when we talked on the phone last night. More than fine, really. Edward seemed unfazed. We talked about the weekend. We didn't talk about the kissing part. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Jake is the only other person I've kissed. The first time we kissed was experimentation. We were curious twelve year olds. He stuck his tongue all the way down my throat and grossed me out completely. Last summer, Carmen and I spent a lot of time down at La Push. Jake and I were already so close. The swimwear and hormones didn't help. He never left me feeling like this.

Petrified. Elated. Nervous. Hopeful. Anxious. Excited. Nauseous.

This isn't helping. There is no way I am going to be able to go back to sleep. I kick off the quilt. If I get up now, I can take my shower before Renee. She can suffer through a cold one for a change.

Since I have time and hot water, I shave. I've been a little lazy with that since Jake and I broke up. Not disgustingly so, but still. Those days are over. I don't think Edward and I will be getting touchy feely anytime soon, but I feel better. A little bit feminine.

Renee's alarm goes off as I am drying in the bathroom. I smile a little at the thought of the massive shower karma about to rain down.

In my room, I turn up Pearl Jam as loud as I can. A black and white broomcorn skirt, a Cure t-shirt, and black combat boots make up my wardrobe for the day. I pull my hair back into a loose ponytail for good measure.

It is still far too early for Edward to be here, so I cook a real breakfast. Renee is wary as she enters the kitchen. I hand her a coffee. Two sugars and a splash of Half & Half. Just the way she likes it.

She sips it, eyeing me over the rim.

"What's going on, Bella?"

"Good morning to you to, Mother," I say over my shoulder, carrying my plate to the table.

I sit and begin to eat in silence. She makes a plate, grabs her coffee, and then makes her way to me. Of course she chooses the chair directly across from mine.

"I was just wondering why you are up so early."

I can tell that she's looking at me. I put my fork down and raise my chin defiantly.

"A 'good morning' would have been nice," I say.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm just shocked to see you awake. I expected you to sleep late since you can drive yourself to school."

"Um, about that…I'm going to keep riding with Edward." I try to sound casual, but Renee is staring at me intently. She knows something is up.

"Oh, really?" Now, she is just fucking with me.

"Yeah, we kinda kissed this weekend, and I decided to keep riding with him." I am staring at my eggs as the words rush out of my mouth.

She takes another sip of coffee before replying, "Well, that explains why you're up and why you're wearing a skirt. He's a cutie. Tell me, what does 'kinda kissed' mean?"

She is as bad as The Pack, I swear. I will not give her the details. No way. I roll my eyes, grin wryly, and excuse myself from the table.

I hide out in my room until Renee leaves. When I'm sure she's gone, I gather my things to wait on the porch. I'm looking over Spanish notes in preparation for a pop quiz, as Edward whips into the driveway. I quickly gather my things and walk to the passenger side. Emmett is grumbling about being forced to ride in the back seat. He's been bitching about my perpetual shotgun every morning and afternoon since the second day of school.

I throw my backpack onto the floorboard before easing into my seat. Once I'm settled, I glance over at Edward.

"Good morning," he says with a soft smile.

"Good morning." I smile right back at him.

"Oh, for the love of crap, will you just drive?" Emmett grouses from the back seat.

Edward complies, shifting into reverse. I love watching him drive. Well, to be more accurate, I love watching his right forearm as he drives a stick. He's probably noticed my fascination by now because my eyes are always downcast sneaking peeks. Only, I'm not the only one stealing glances today.

Emmett demands to be let out the moment Edward parks the car in the school lot. We're a few minutes early, so Edward and I linger next to the Volvo. He's standing so close I could touch him if I reach out with my hand. I panic for a moment because I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

"Hey," he says, taking my hand and giving it a little shake. "No weirdness, remember?"

I look up at him. There is concern in his eyes and a tiny half smile on his lips. I turn to face him and lean against him and then we're hugging. He's warm and he smells like he just got out the shower. Soap and boy.

He's right. There's nothing weird about this. I don't know if I've ever felt anything this natural in all my life.

The first warning bell rings. His lips brush across my forehead.

"Come on," he says, his hand firmly in mine.

We stroll through the halls, fingers entwined. The more we walk, the more I relax. No one seems to be paying attention to us at all. Usually when a new couple forms, so do the whispers and the rumors. The kids here make _90210 _look like a joke.

We're almost at Mrs. Simpson's door when Rosalie Hale spots us. She glances down at our hands. Her brow furrows for a moment. Then her eyes narrow, and she gives me what can only be described as a look of pure hatred.

"Jesus. Who pissed in her Cheerios this morning?" I mutter.

"Who cares?" Edward's voice is laced with disdain. He leans in and kisses my cheek. "See you in a few," he says.

I watch him walk away before resuming my trek to homeroom. Rosalie stalks right up to me just before I get to the door.

"What about Emmett?" she hisses.

_What the hell?_

"Um, he's cool with it." I don't owe this chick any explanation. She just scoffs and walks away. I've never seen her speak to Emmett, and he's never said anything about her. He maintains the peace by keeping me in check when she goes bitch patrol on me. Edward is right. Who the hell cares? There is no way I am going to let Rosalie Hale ruin my day.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Edward sits next to me at lunch, which isn't unusual. The way he angles his body with one leg under my chair and the other behind me, is unexpected and strangely sexy. He gives me his undivided attention. Angela is the only one of our friends who seems shocked over our…well, whatever this is.

He waits until the middle of Banner's Bio lecture to scribble a note a loose sheet of notebook paper.

_Can you come over after school?_

Hmmm. Time away from school. Alone. Unbidden memories from Friday spring to the forefront of my mind. I am just about to write and underline the word _yes, _and something stops me.

_Is your mom going to be there?_

I know from previous conversations that his mom, Esme, hasn't found a job since they moved. Edward has said many times that she plans to wait until after the holidays to even look. I am not keen on the idea of meeting his mother. Not today. I need time to mentally prepare for something that huge. Jake's mom died long before we started dating. I've never had to "meet" a boy's mom before.

He shoves the paper at me.

_Quit freaking out. Yes, she'll be home. It doesn't matter._

_She's been dying to meet you anyway. _

He's talked to his mom about me. That's good. That's very good. Although, meeting her tomorrow would be better. I could dress more…appropriately.

_Tomorrow? I don't want to meet your mom with a pair of bright red lips across my chest._

He reads my words and then turns his head, staring directly at my boobs. Well, my t-shirt, but the lips are across my boobs. I almost freak out a little when I realize they feel warm, until I realize the same heat is traveling up my neck as well.

Then he turns his attention back to the note, scribbling something quickly before inching it across the desk. I can see the hint of a smile on his lips before turning my attention to his reply.

_We'll be in my room most of the time._

_She'll leave us alone, Bella. _

I'm sure he thinks this is reassuring somehow. But honestly, once I see the words _in my room,_ I already know that I will be meeting Esme Cullen this afternoon. He is definitely smiling now. Edward Cullen is an evil, sneaky boy. And I can't wait to see his bed. Not that I plan to do anything in it, but a visual will be a nice. If I can swing it, I may even sniff his pillow.

_I'll have to tell Renee._

This satisfies him, and he shoves the note into my backpack. Banner is droning on and on about cell organelles, but all I can think about is going to his house this afternoon. His mother sounds nice. I've spoken to her over the phone several times. There is absolutely no reason to be nervous about this.

Edward begins speaking the moment the bell rings. "I wish you wouldn't worry about this. I'm not taking you home to meet my mother. I'm taking you home so I can spend time with you."

That sounds so good. "I'll tell Renee after school."

He nods. "I'll meet you there."

Angela is waiting at the door. I'm not sure if I should hug him or kiss him or just say goodbye and walk away.

He steps close to me, leans in, brushes his lips across my temple and whispers, "See you after school."

Then he's gone.

"Man, you've got it bad," Angela giggles.

"Shut up," I mumble, but I can't stop the small smile on my lips.

Health is uneventful with the exception of a few more dirty glares from Rosalie. I am seriously starting to doubt that chick's sanity. She has always been annoying, but this year she has been borderline hostile.

On the contrary, her boyfriend is all smiles in the hall outside Renee's classroom after school. Royce is decked out in a pair of khakis and Polo button up. A pink Polo button up. He catches me staring and smirks. _Oh, please_. This asshole actually thinks I was checking him out. I ignore him completely as I pass him in the hall.

Renee is at her desk, shoes off, rubbing her feet.

"Hey," she says, straightening up. "Good day?"

"Yeah," I begin. "A very good day, actually. Edward asked me to come over this afternoon, so I am going to hang out at his house for a while."

She arches a brow. "Will there be an adult present?"

"Yes ma'am," Edward speaks up from behind me. I turn my head as he reaches me. He's smiling as he reaches for my hand. "My mom will be there the entire time. I can give you our number if you'd like to call."

Renee says she believes him, but takes the number anyway. "I'm going to the gym tonight. Will you be home for dinner?"

We've never discussed curfews on school nights. This is her way of asking what time I'll be home.

"She can have dinner with us," Edward says before I can get a word in.

"I won't be late, Mom. See you later," I call over my shoulder as we leave the room.

I wait until we're downstairs and almost at the exit to speak.

"You didn't have to invite me to dinner. She just wanted to know when I'd be home without really asking."

"Women are so confusing," he mutters.

I laugh. I can't help it. Edward has had me in knots with his subtle flirting since the night I met him. Well, since the night I met him in person. Talk about confusion.

"Where's Emmett?" I ask as we reach the nearly empty parking lot. There is no sign of him near the Volvo, and the final bell rang over fifteen minutes ago.

"He left with Alec and Jane. Some of the guys are going to shoot hoops this afternoon."

When we're both in the car, I try one more time to postpone this until tomorrow. "You could go hang out with them today, and we can do this tomorrow instead."

"Bella, really, what is the difference?"

I look out the passenger window before whispering, "I just want her to like me. Tomorrow, I could wear a normal shirt with some jeans and Converse."

He is silent for a few very long moments before he sighs.

"If you really want to wait, we can," he says quietly. Then he turns his head to look at me before returning his attention to the road. "She is going to like you. It doesn't matter what you're wearing. She would rather meet the real you than some watered down version. Trust me. The real you is pretty great."

I place my hand on top of his on the gear shift. He spreads his fingers and then squeezes mine when they shift to fit between his. I don't know what it is he thinks is so great about me, but I hope he never stops.

Edward lives in one of the newer, fancier neighborhoods in town. I don't know why this surprises me. He did tell me his father is a doctor. His house is nice, but not extravagant. In all honestly, it's just a regular white two-story. The landscaping is beautiful. There are bushes and flowers everywhere.

He cuts the engine in the driveway before glancing at me.

"So, I've been thinking about the best way to introduce you to my mom," he says casually. "I've been struggling with the idea of introducing you as my 'friend.' It just sounds…wrong." My heart speeds up a little when he turns to me grinning. "It would feel so much better to tell her you are my girlfriend."

"That would be better," I murmur as I lean in. I want to be closer.

"Yeah?" He looks and sounds so relieved, I'm almost offended.

"Yes, Edward, yes. I don't just kiss every person I meet, you know." I'm only teasing, but he looks alarmed.

"I didn't mean-"

I don't let him finish because I've wanted to kiss him since the moment I saw him waiting in the Volvo this morning. I can feel his smile against my lips. Damn this little car. I can't do anything I want to do in this limited space.

His bedroom. Edward's bedroom is somewhere in that nice two-story white house. The idea of touching more of him, possibly on his bed, is the only incentive I have to end this kiss.

I pull away hesitantly. "We should go in." I'm embarrassed at how low my voice sounds. I glance away, clearing my throat.

"I'm gonna need just a minute or two," he says. He points to his crotch and the obvious sign of just how much he liked that kiss. I swallow. Knowing that I can do that… Well, it is the coolest feeling ever.

I'm still floating along in some weird Edward induced haze as we take the porch steps and enter the house. I glance around, hoping for a quick, one-way trip to his bedroom. No such luck.

"Edward?"

I freeze at the sound of his mother's voice. Edward laces his fingers through mine as he whispers, "You ready?"

Talking doesn't seem like a good idea right now, so I just nod. He leads me to the kitchen. His mother is sitting atop a bar stool. There is an open issue of _People _and a steaming cup of coffee in front of her on the countertop. This might be the biggest kitchen I've ever seen. It seems like the size of two rooms combined in any other house. There is a tile top island in the center of the cooking area and above it, is a stationary hanging pot rack. Every appliance in the room is black and shiny.

"Wow," I breathe. The kitchen at Renee's was designed in the 1940's when my grandparents bought the house. I'm pretty sure the same curtains have been hanging over the kitchen window there since before I was born. This kitchen looks like something out of a movie.

I'm brought to my senses when Edward speaks. "Mom, this is my girlfriend, Bella."

She has beautiful long caramel colored hair, thick bangs, and a beautiful, creamy complexion. She's wearing a baggy sweatshirt, jeans and house slippers. Her smile puts me at ease almost instantly.

"Nice to meet you, Bella," she says.

"It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Cullen." I mean it, too. Everything about her is inviting. The way she turns to face us fully, her warm smile and friendly eyes…all those things are just really nice. Like the stuff you see on TV.

"Call me Esme, sweetie," she insists. "I have a feeling you're going to be around far too much for us to stick with that kind of formality."

Then she offers me a freshly baked brownie.

Like she didn't just tell me that her son has hinted that I'm going to be around a lot. I take it, to be polite. Edward asks her for an extra large brownie as he prepares two glasses of milk.

"Don't mention these brownies to Emmett tomorrow," he says, carrying the glasses to the table.

"Why?" I'm curious.

"These brownies are his favorite. He'll be mad at me for not bringing him back to the house today."

"I'll wrap a few for him and drop them off later," Esme says.

After one bite, I understand the drama surrounding these brownies. They are fantastic. I've never been a fan of brownies, but these are moist, and it makes all the difference in the world. Esme laughs as I beg her to tell me how she made them.

"There's a special ingredient, right?" I'm not giving up. The Pack would die for some brownies like these.

"I'll show you how to make them sometime," she finally concedes.

The suggestion doesn't terrify me like I expect it to. Talking to her is like talking to Edward. Easy. We decide to work on homework in Edward's room while Esme prepares dinner.

Her voice rings out as we reach the bottom of the stairs. "Door open, Edward."

He exhales in a huff before leading me up the stairs. As we ascend, I realize that Edward wasn't kidding about playing baseball. I assumed he played as a hobby with friends. Like video games. There are pictures of him lining the wall. There are little league individual and team photos matted together in frames. His age progresses in the pictures as we reach the top of the stairs. The last photo appears to have been taken recently. In it, he is wearing a blue jersey with a bat in hand.

"Last year," he says as I stare.

I swallow, thinking of him hanging out with boys like Royce, Aaron, and Marcus. I shake my head. Even if Edward decides to play for PA, there are plenty of other people besides those assholes on the team. Ben Cheney and several of the other guys are decent. Plus, he'll actually have to make the team for any of this to be relevant anyway.

We've stopped at the end of a long hallway.

"This is my room," he says, opening the door for me.

There is a large bed with the headboard positioned just below the window on the far wall. The walls are white, but every piece of furniture in the room is black, including the small desk and the TV cabinet.

There are built in bookshelves lining an entire wall, but only one section of shelves is for books. The rest are holding CDs. CDs ranging from Madonna to 2 Live Crew to Debussy. I've never seen so much music.

"You have so much music," I say, running my fingers along the edges of the cases.

He touches a button on a black remote in his hand, wincing as Metallica blares through a surround sound speaker system. He presses another button repeatedly until the volume is manageable.

I don't know what it is about teenage boys and Metallica. Jasper, Emmett, Jake, Mike, even Embry, and now Edward…they all seem to like it. I wrinkle my nose. He presses another button moments before the heavy metal is replaced with the sound of an electric blues guitar and the voice of Stevie Ray Vaughan. Much better.

There is some sort of large Yamaha stereo system on a small entertainment cabinet.

"You have a CD changer? I'm jealous. Carmen's dad has a CD changer. It holds five CDs and can be set to random. That's so cool." I really am jealous. I have boom boxes in both of my bedrooms and the sound quality is shit.

"This is a five disc carousel player, not a changer," he says quickly. He starts pointing as he continues, "There are two cabinet speakers, with twelve inch sub woofers, six inch mids, and four inch tweets."

Edward Cullen is a stereo snob. Big time.

"I have no fucking idea what any of that means," I tell him, laughing. "You are such a stereo snob."

"Yeah, I guess I am." He shrugs.

I let my backpack fall to the floor at the foot of the bed. I think the floor is a much safer bet than the bed if we actually want to work on our homework. He pushes the door until it is closed as much as possible without actually being closed. Stupid house rules.

We both sit propped against the foot board with books and notes spread around us. We have the same assignment in American History, so we finish it first. He bitches about conjugating ten verbs for Spanish I homework. He has the decency to look sheepish when he realizes my Spanish II homework consists of translating three paragraphs from English to Spanish.

By the time we're finished, Esme is calling us down for dinner. Edward stands first before offering me a hand. I watch as my fingers inch across his palm and then he tugs me up gently. My body brushes against his as I gain my footing. He steadies me by wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me into him.

My hands glide up his chest and around his neck as he bends slightly to place his lips on mine. The only thing I can think about is the way his arms feel around me. His lips are perfect and when they part, I can taste cinnamon and feel his tongue against mine.

"Edward."

The sound of a male voice, just outside Edward's door, shocks the hell out of me.

"Oh, God," I say, trying to back away from him.

Edward doesn't let go. Instead, he turns me to face the door as it opens. There is a handsome man in dress clothes smiling as he enters the room.

"Dad, knock, remember?" Edward grounds the words out slowly.

"Right," he says, taking my hand and shaking it gently. "You must be Bella." He winks. I try to fight it, I really do, but my eyebrows rise and my chin drops. It must be genetic. Some sort of 'charming' gene. I nod nervously. Edward hasn't moved an inch. I can feel him against my back. I can feel every part of him against my back. Obviously, his father's arrival hasn't dampened his mood yet.

"I'm Carlisle. Nice to finally meet you. Esme said to tell you both to come down for dinner."

He turns, and I follow him to the door.

"I'll be down in a couple of minutes," Edward says from behind me. I turn to glare at him. "I'm just going to use the restroom."

"Sure, son." His father's voice is laced with amusement.

_Oh, God. _

I follow Carlisle down the stairs, wondering if meeting him for the first time could have been any more awkward. Esme is seated at the dining room table sipping wine, looking absolutely relaxed. There are four large plates, each topped with a steaming serving of lasagna.

I pause, not sure if I should sit or where I should sit. Carlisle pulls a chair out and motions to it.

"What would you like to drink, Bella?"

"Sprite or water, either is fine." I really want to ask him for a little bit of that wine his wife is sipping on.

"I hope you like Italian food, Bella," Esme says with a smile.

"I love it," I tell her earnestly.

Carlisle hands me an ice cold can of Sprite as he takes the seat directly across from mine. Edward's parents and I spend a few moments smiling at each other politely. This might be one of the most surreal experiences of my entire life. I am sitting at the Cullens' dining room table with, not one, but both of Edward's parents. And Edward is upstairs in the bathroom presumably taking care of business.

As if she can read my mind, Esme asks, "Where is Edward?"

"In the bathroom," I mutter.

Carlisle's lips quirk for a brief moment.

"Well, what is taking him…" she trails off.

I've never blushed in my entire life, but I can feel the blood rushing to my face. I resist the urge to turn in my seat to face the framed mirror on the wall. That would only make the situation worse.

Edward chooses this moment to join us at the table. He studies my face. "Are you okay?"

Instead of answering, I kick him in the leg. I swear I see Carlisle smirk a little before he tells us to dig in. I don't look at Edward at all during our meal. I want to be mad at him just a little while longer for deserting me.

His parents are unbelievably cool. They ask about my interests and listen intently as I answer. Edward joins the conversation occasionally when the topic interests him.

As we help Esme with the dishes, I tell her over and over how much I love her lasagna. She offers to teach me how to make it. I happily accept and then marvel at the idea of cooking lessons with Edward's mother. I only know how to cook a handful of things- spaghetti, tacos, macaroni and cheese, baked and fried fish, and anything Hamburger Helper.

Esme reminds Carlisle of some earlier promise to take an evening walk with her. He sighs as he stands, then follows her from the room. Edward and I are left staring at each other dumbfounded in the kitchen as the front door slams.

_Did they really just leave us alone?_

This really is a crappy time to be mad at him. There is, after all, a nice big bed upstairs in Edward's room. I may be a little mad, but I'm not stupid. I turn without a backwards glance and march up the stairs. I don't stop until I am in his room. He closes the door as much as he can before turning to me. I give him the evil eye. I haven't forgiven him yet.

"That was a disappointing first showing as a boyfriend, Edward Cullen," I accuse. "The first time I really needed you…you threw me to the wolves." I fold my arms across my chest for effect.

He hangs his head, staring intently at the floor.

"You're right," he asserts. Then, his head snaps up and his eyes meet mine. He glances at his watch before stalking towards me. "We have about twenty minutes for me to try to make it up to you."

_Whoa._

I lick my lips and stumble backwards as he advances. Then I feel it. His bed is touching the back of my thighs. I am pinned between Edward and his bed. Every ounce of bravado I may have possessed five minutes ago is gone.

I'm scared. I have no idea what will happen if we end up on that bed together and there's too much at stake to screw this up.

"You're doing it again," Edward whispers. "You think too much. You're thinking this thing to death. You're the only one fighting it, Bella." He whispers the last part against my lips.

That's all it takes. I'm wedging myself up and onto the bed, while pulling him against my body. We scoot and kiss and rub against each other until I finally stretch out with my head on his pillow. He's hovering above me, staring.

"You're so pretty."

His quiet voice and the tenderness in his eyes are my undoing. I close my eyes because I do not want to cry in front of him. I've been called 'hot' on several occasions by a variety of douchebags, Jake included. No one has ever described me as pretty and I've never really considered myself as such, but Edward Cullen believes it. I can see it in his eyes. For a second, I feel beautiful.

"We don't have to do anything. I just want to be with you. No, not , 'be' be with you. Oh, hell," he mutters. "I mean, I want to be wherever you are." His cheeks are flaming beneath day old stubble.

I slide my hand up and around his neck, pulling him to me.

"Hang on," he says, tugging his glasses from his face and tossing them on the table. "Let's try this…"

He kisses me. The way he feels, the things he says…I open beneath him. My lips part, as my legs do and then, he's on me. My head is spinning, and my body is on fire. His kisses intensify, and I realize with great pleasure that Edward has been holding out on me. I love his sweet kisses, but this feels like hunger. Like he can't get enough of me.

I'm dizzy and gasping by the time he turns his attention to my neck. I sound like a total hussy, moaning as his tongue sweeps across my skin.

He stops suddenly, cocking his head before groaning softly.

"Shit," he mutters. He moves off of me quickly. "They're back."

"Right."

We need to get out of his room. If we stay, I'm going to want to kiss him like that again.

"Let's go downstairs," I suggest. "We can have another brownie before you take me home."

He agrees as he reaches for his glasses. After gathering my things, we make our way downstairs. Edward begs his mother to let us eat dessert in the family room. He doesn't want to miss _MacGyver. _She relents once Edward agrees to take a plate to Emmett after he drops me off. His parents sit together on the loveseat holding hands through the entire show. Edward and I are on the couch keeping a respectable distance between us.

Esme hugs me as we're leaving. She assures me the invitation for cooking lessons is an open one. I'm welcome anytime. Hearing that makes me incredibly happy.

"See? That wasn't so bad," Edward says as he starts the car.

It was, but it wasn't.

"You used me as a boner shield," I state flatly.

He laughs, shaking his head. "True." His face becomes serious before he continues. "But your mom will determine whether or not I pass eleventh grade and your father carries a gun. You got off easy."

I wince a little. The poor bastard has a point. I won't be able to protect him from Charlie. If I want to be able to spend time with my boyfriend in Forks, I'm going to have to come clean and introduce them. I push those thoughts aside. The windows are down, the stars are bright, and my fingers are twisted with Edward's as he drives me home. He's right. I do worry too much.

**A/N: Ever had a bad "meet the parents" moment? **

**Up next…Charlie. *grins***

**The readers who reviewed the last chapter received a little teaser in return. I could probably hook that up again if you guys are interested. **

**The Night Huntress novels really are great if you want grown up vamps, blood drinking, and very little fade to black. To be honest, I like them better than the Sookie books. I'd like to do dirty dirty things with the main vamp, Bones. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**MSC**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**S Meyer owns Twilight. As of yesterday, I own a pair of tickets to see Chris Cornell live and acoustic in November. I'm a lucky bitch. My sister is awesome. She red penned the heck out of me. Any mistakes are mine. **Minor drug use** **

Chapter 7

_Hold me in your warm hand  
>And I could sleep with you tonight<br>And all my earthly cares might fade away  
>If you hold me in your warm hand that way<br>It's as close as I get to love  
>As close as I get to love<br>Speak to me with your sweet voice  
><em>

_(Your Sweet Voice- Matthew Sweet)  
><em>

It becomes obvious on a Wednesday afternoon in October that I can't put Charlie off any longer. There are two messages from him on the answering machine. He only calls during the day, when he is sure my mother won't answer. This is the longest I've ever gone without a visit. The girls aren't happy with me either.

The first message is short, and he sounds irritated.

_Bella, I left a message yesterday. I expected a return call. _

The second one isn't much better.

_Bella, call me back when Renee gets home. We need to have a little discussion. _

This can't be good. He would rather go to the dentist than speak to my mom. Maybe he's pissed that I missed my scheduled weekend with him. I've never done that before, and now I can drive. There is no good excuse except my own stinking cowardice. Edward says I'm being ridiculous, but he doesn't know Charlie. Which is kinda the point.

Renee won't be home for at least an hour, and Edward is video gaming at Emmett's today with the guys. I consider breaking my rule. One little midweek smoke won't hurt anything. It would definitely make my conversation with Charlie a little easier. I'm torn. I'm done with all of my homework; Ms. White pulled another disappearing act today, so I finished it during her class.

_Oh, fuck it._

It doesn't take me long to roll one. I don't bother going behind the carport. The neighbors are at work, and Renee isn't here to gripe at me. I sit on the back steps instead. After four tokes, I stub the joint and stick it in a half empty box of Camels.

I'm on the couch in the living room watching Nirvana on MTV's "Buzz Bin" when Renee comes home. She waves and goes straight to her room. A few minutes later, she comes out in sweats, running shoes in hand. She sits on the opposite end of the sofa and glances at the television before putting them on.

"Charlie left a message. He wants to talk to us."

"Why?"

I can tell from her tone that the last thing she wants to do after working all day is deal with my dad.

"I don't know," I admit. "But he didn't sound happy."

"Fine," she sighs. "Call him."

Of course. Because the two of them can't speak to each other like mature adults. I dial the number as Renee ties her shoes. The phone rings three times, and just as I'm about to hang up, Charlie answers.

"Chief Swan speaking," he huffs.

"Hey, Daddy."

"Well, well if it isn't my long lost daughter," he drawls sarcastically.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm coming home this weekend. I promise."

Renee bristles at this. It bothers her that I think of Forks as home. No matter how long I've lived here, I still feel like I'm visiting.

"That's great, kid. I'm off Friday night. We can do pizza and catch up."

"Actually, I think I'll cook."

Thanks to Esme and our after school cooking lessons, I make damn fine lasagna. I want Charlie to be in a good mood when he meets Edward. Maybe he'll see Esme's cooking lessons as a perk of having Edward around.

"Alright, sounds good," he agrees. "Listen, I've got some news. I finished the holiday schedules, and it looks like I am going to be off on Thanksgiving this year. I know it's Renee's turn, but I haven't had an entire day off on Thanksgiving in years."

"Four years," I whisper. I remember every minute of that day. It was the only time Charlie ever tried to cook on Thanksgiving. Everything was burnt except the turkey, which was somehow still partially frozen in places.

"I promise I won't cook," he says hastily.

I laugh before turning to Renee and relaying Charlie's message. Her jaw sets, and I know this is not going to end well.

"You can tell your father he should have scheduled himself off on Christmas since that is his scheduled holiday with you," she snaps.

I don't have to tell him. I open my mouth to repeat her reply, but Charlie is already answering.

"For four and a half years I let that woman spend every single holiday with you since those were her only breaks from school. I can't believe she's going treat me like this the one time I ask her for a favor."

I swallow hard before dutifully repeating Charlie's rebuttal. It's been years since I've had to listen to them fight. I think the last time was the day Renee showed up and told Charlie I was going to live with her. I walked twenty minutes to get to Alice's house that day. Now, they're using me as some sort of switchboard.

"You tell him-"

"No," I interrupt her. "You tell him yourself." I toss the phone into her lap.

My purse is on the table in the entryway. I grab it and my keys. Renee is shouting at me and yelling at Charlie as I slam the front door behind me. I'm in my truck, backing out of the driveway when she steps onto the porch. She's waving, and I can see her lips moving, but I don't stop.

By the time I reach the Cullens', I'm crying. I knock on the door before drying my cheeks with the sleeves of my shirt. Carlisle opens the door with a huge smile on his face. It disappears quickly as he takes in my appearance.

"Bella, are you okay? Has someone hurt you?"

I know I can't answer without crying again, so I just shake my head roughly. He doesn't ask any more questions. Instead, he places a hand on my shoulder and guides me to the kitchen.

Esme takes one look at me before crossing the room and folding me in her arms. My head falls forward onto her shoulder. She's whispering that everything will be alright.

"I'm sorry," I tell her. "I didn't know where to go. They were fighting, and I don't want to talk to either of them so I can't go home. To either home. Alice is so far away, and there's really nobody here, well except Edward and Emmett."

"Bella, of course you were right to come here. Edward isn't home yet. I can call him at Emmett's."

"No, please don't," I plead. "He hasn't spent time with the guys at all this week. They give me enough grief as it is."

Especially Emmett. The three of us hang out a lot, and we have a great time together, but I can tell he misses their…well, whatever the hell guys call it. We call it "girl time," but they obviously don't braid each others hair or paint their toenails.

She tells me to rest in Edward's room. I don't argue. As I start to climb the stairs, she stops me.

"Sometimes parents screw up, Bella. It doesn't mean they don't love you."

I just nod and escape quickly to Edward's room. I'm not sure if the "door open" rule applies when only one of us is in the room. I leave it cracked just in case.

I don't bother turning the light on. There is enough light from the blinds to see easily. I deliberately choose his side of the bed. I crawl under the sheets and the blanket that smell so much like him. I still can't figure out how to operate that fancy stereo, so I opt for MTV with the volume low.

I close my eyes and breathe.

It's dark when I wake. I'm still in Edward's bed, only I'm not alone. My head is on his shoulder, and my body is molded to his side. The first thing I see is my hand on his chest in the soft glow of the TV. He's warm, so I burrow in closer, throwing my leg over his.

His arm tightens around me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice is laced with concern.

"Not yet," I whisper against his chest. "I want to stay like this for a while." He brings his other arm around me as I tuck my head beneath his jaw. I don't ever want to leave this spot.

His mom opens the door several minutes later. "I left plates for you both in the fridge. Your father and I will be in the den."

We're both hungry, so we follow her downstairs. I ask him about his afternoon with the guys as we heat our dinner. He shrugs and says they had fun. He still looks concerned, and I can tell he's far more interested in my afternoon than his own.

We eat in silence. His parents are in the next room watching the evening news. Crying like an idiot in front them once was bad enough. I don't want to rehash this until Edward and I are alone.

The moment I lay down my fork, Edward takes my plate and his own to the sink. He rinses them quickly and deposits them in the dishwater.

"Come for a walk with me?" I want to get out of the house for a few minutes. I can already tell I'm going to want a cigarette with this conversation.

He nods when I motion upstairs. I run up quickly and grab the pack from my purse. He is waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. He helps me into his jacket since I forgot my own. It's far too big for me, but I don't care. It smells exactly like Edward, and I might not ever give it back.

The air has turned much cooler, and it is obvious when we step onto the porch that Edward is going to need more than the t-shirt he is wearing. He finds a PA High sweatshirt in the Volvo and pulls it over his head before we leave the driveway. I take his hand, and I don't make him ask me again. As we walk, I tell him everything.

He already knows they fought for years before they split up. I've told him as much. This isn't anything new or different for the two of them.

"I don't get it," I tell him, shaking my head. "Why it even still bothers me anymore. I mean, they've been split up for years, and they still manage to make each other miserable."

"You get upset because you love them," he says, stopping and turning to face me. "I'm sorry they put you in the middle. That isn't fair."

"No, it isn't."

We've reached the back of his neighborhood. There are two unfinished houses still under construction. Both of the back yards are surrounded by trees. This is the perfect place to catch a smoke before we go back to Edward's house.

He sits on the top step of the back porch. I settle myself between his legs, one step below.

"I have most of a joint left from earlier," I tell him, holding it up.

He smiles as he takes it and the lighter from me. "What about your rules?"

"Fuck my rules."

He laughs, and even though I still feel like shit, I smile and laugh a little too. He lights the joint, inhaling deeply before passing it to me. When we're done, Edward stubs it and pockets the roach before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around me.

"I'm glad you came over. I'm sorry your parents fought, but seeing you wrapped up in my sheets was the coolest fucking thing ever. I looked for my camera, and I couldn't find the damn thing."

I giggle and lean back against him. "Thank goodness."

"I don't have a picture of you. Emmett does and I don't. That hardly seems fair."

"I thought we already established that life isn't fair," I tease. "Besides…you get to kiss me and Emmett doesn't."

"True," he says, before kissing my hair. "Do you feel better now?"

I take a moment to think before answering. "I guess. It's hard to hear them be so hateful to each other. It wasn't always like that. I remember they held hands, they laughed…they loved each other once. I know they did. Well, I think they did. I remember sitting on the stairs one night, long after my bedtime, watching them dance. Dad put on a Louie Armstrong record and pulled her to the center of the living room. It's the happiest memory I have of them. I think I was six or seven; I don't really remember. I just remember the way they looked at each other. Sometimes, I want to beat them both silly. I blame him. I blame her. I blame myself. The whole thing is a mess."

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispers, holding me tightly. "I didn't realize…well, you've always seemed so blasé about it…"

"What am I supposed to say? I can't talk to my friends about it. Alice's parents are far worse than mine, and Leah's dad is gone forever. I feel bad. I mean, I have it so much better than them. I have both of my parents here. I should be thankful for that instead of acting like some spoiled asshole."

"That doesn't mean you can't be pissed or upset about your own situation, Bella. It doesn't. You're their kid, not their referee."

"I should probably call Renee. I didn't tell her where I was going. That was more than three hours ago."

"Come on." He stands, and then helps me up. "I have a better idea."

He won't tell me what it is during our walk back to his house. When we arrive, he tells me to go through the kitchen and straight up to his room.

He joins me a few minutes later. We cuddle on top of the bedding and watch _The Wonder Years. _Esme comes in and sits quietly at his desk until the next commercial break. Edward turns the volume down and looks at her expectantly.

"I just talked to your mother, Bella. I told her, honestly, that it would be a good idea for you to stay here tonight. She agreed on the condition that the two of you behave yourselves. I gave her my word that there would be no funny business. I take my word very seriously."

"Of course," I agree immediately.

Edward assures her that we will be on our best behavior. She leaves us with a reminder to keep the door open all night.

_Wow. All night. _

"Your idea?"

"Of course." He grins. He must have given her Renee's phone number. "I just told them you were upset after our talk, and I may have said you shouldn't be driving."

"You are a very sneaky boy. You know that?" I settle in his arms again.

"I have no idea what you mean." His voice is serious, but I can feel his smile against my temple.

I love _The Wonder Years, _but I am so sick of the back and forth between Kevin and Winnie. At the end of last season they mouthed "I love you" to each other. Now, they're acting like idiots again. I blame Winnie, of course, for being indecisive. Edward defends her and claims Kevin is the one sending mixed signals. Whatever. We agree to disagree.

When the episode is over, Edwards turns off the television. He offers me a pair of boxers and an old Pink Floyd t-shirt to sleep in. He doesn't argue when I tell him he can have the underwear back tomorrow morning, but the shirt is now mine.

I tuck into the bathroom and change quickly. I debate for a moment over my bra, eventually deciding to leave it on. I have every intention of respecting Esme's wishes. Sleeping next to Edward all night is enough.

He has changed into basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. I'm a little stunned. I love Edward in jeans because he has a really nice ass, but his legs are lean and muscular with just the right amount of manly fuzz. I can't believe how hot my geeky boyfriend is.

"I have a surprise for you," he says.

One arm is behind his back. It must be something good. The way he is smiling makes my chest ache a little.

He brings his arm forward and presents me with a pack of Hostess chocolate cupcakes.

"I love those," I tell him as I get closer.

"I know. You had some the night we met."

_I love him. _

I think that's what this is. It has to be.

Alice says it is never a good idea for the girl to say it first. I've never said it to anyone, and I'm pretty sure she hasn't either. Most of her opinion is based on magazine articles. She makes a weekly trip to the periodical section at the library.

He opens the pack and offers me the first one. I take it and immediately peel the icing off. I've always eaten them this way, icing first then cake. Edward eats his like a normal person, of course.

The coward in me agrees with Alice, and I keep my mouth shut. I want him to say it first. Then I'll know he means it.

His mom comes in one more time before bed to drop a few more subtle reminders about the sexual activity embargo. I don't know why she is so concerned. We've only recently begun to toe our way off first base. This time on her way out, she leaves the door wide open. Edward puts a few CDs in the changer and turns off the light before joining me.

We lie on our sides, my back pressed tightly against his chest. His arm rests on my hip as his fingers brush lightly across the skin just below my navel.

"I'm glad I came here," I whisper.

"So am I."

I don't ever want to leave his bed. I love the feel of our bare legs tangled together and his breath on my neck. I could fall asleep like this every night for the rest of my life. The words are right there on the tip of my tongue, so I press my lips together to keep them inside. Feeling it is enough. For now.

-o-o-o-o-o-

By some miracle, I wake up before Edward. He's still wrapped around me. I lift his arm as gently as possible, trying not to wake him. He rolls onto his back, and I'm free. I tiptoe to the bathroom, grabbing my clothes on the way.

I turn on the faucet so he won't hear me peeing if he wakes up. I wash my face and brush my hair out as much as I can with my fingers. He has mouthwash.

_Thank you, Jesus._

I've never spent the night with a guy before. The spending the night part was great, but I look like hell in the mornings. I am so glad I woke up first. I need to get home, so I can shower.

I hate the thought of leaving without saying goodbye. I sit next to him on the bed. He looks so different when he's sleeping. His glasses are off, and his hair is a riot of bronze. There is a hint of shadow along his jaw line. I wonder for a moment if I could convince him to give up shaving for a day or two at a time. I'm not asking for Grizzly Adams, just a little stubble. It looks good on Edward.

Maybe if I show my appreciation, he'll keep it. I lean over, and it is really hard to ignore his lips, because they're perfect and I already know how fantastic they are, but I do. Instead I plant tiny open mouthed kisses along his jaw. I feel the movement of his cheek as he smiles. Then I feel his hand on the back of my head. He's running his fingers through my hair gently. I feel his other hand nudging my chin until his lips find mine. Edward is a very enthusiastic morning kisser.

Renee is long gone by the time I get home. I have exactly enough time to shower and dress. My hair is still damp when Edward arrives. He passes me a brown paper sack once I'm seated. The aroma of blueberry assaults me as I open it. Muffins. There is a special place in heaven for Esme Cullen, I just know it.

I avoid Renee in the halls at school, and I stay at Edward's house until the late evening. When he drops me off, he offers to come in and act as a buffer. I thank him with a kiss, but decline. I don't really want to involve him like that.

She is sitting at the dining room table balancing her checkbook. She pauses for a sip of wine before leveling me with a glare.

There aren't many rules with Renee. Clean up after yourself, don't get caught doing anything illegal, and keep private matters private. The last one is particularly important. We discussed it at length the day before I started at PA High.

As a teacher, she doesn't want the student body to know her personal business. Until now, it hasn't been an issue. Running to Edward's house and airing our dirty laundry was a big no-no in her book.

I don't apologize. Instead, I tell her what I plan to do about Thanksgiving. I have a truck and a license. It only takes an hour to drive between Forks and PA. I'm going to spend the night before at Charlie's house. He and I will have lunch and maybe catch a game. Then, I'll drive back to PA and have dinner with her.

This plan seems to mollify her a bit. She still isn't happy with me when I excuse myself to go to bed. That's fine. I'm still pissed at her, too.

I pack a bag early Friday morning. I am going straight to Forks after school. Edward is going to come over for dinner around seven. Charlie doesn't know it yet, and this plan will give me the time I need to break it to him.

It feels weird driving myself to school. Everything feels a little…off.

Edward and Emmett are standing on the sidewalk talking to Ben and a few other guys when I arrive. Edward leaves them to meet me at my truck, and I feel much better the moment his hand touches mine.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Edward and I say quick goodbyes in the parking lot after school. He's going to Emmett's house to game for a while.

I'm pretty sure I'm more nervous than he is. I don't think Charlie ever really took Jake and me seriously as couple. It's understandable. Nothing really changed with us in Charlie's eyes. We weren't really affectionate or obvious. The only times we ever got physical, we were completely alone.

This is different. Edward is different, and the way I feel about him is totally different. I never loved Jake. Yeah, he hurt me and what he did was shitty, but we were wrong from the start. I can see it so clearly now.

I make a quick trip to Thriftway. They have everything I need for the lasagna, and they have the ingredients for a fresh salad. I'm willing to bet Charlie hasn't had a salad since I was in town for my birthday.

He is in the kitchen reading the newspaper when I arrive. He folds it neatly and places it on the table as I begin speaking.

"I am going to spend the night with you on Wednesday, and we'll have lunch together on Thanksgiving. I told Renee I would be home in time for dinner. Does that work for you?"

"That sounds great. Look Bells, I'm sorry about the other night. I should have talked to your mother myself instead of hiding behind you."

I exhale and turn to face him, leaning against the counter.

"Yes, you should have." I try to keep my voice even because at least Charlie gets it. He gets it, and he hates it like I do. "It was bad enough listening to it the last couple of years she was home. Thank you. For being sorry, I mean."

Renee may give me more freedom, but Charlie treats me like an adult. Sometimes. I know he still feels bad, so I plunge right in to take advantage of it.

"So, I want you to meet someone."

I keep my gaze steady on his. This is not the moment to back down. After the initial confusion subsides, his eyes narrow. I can almost see the wheels turning.

"Who?"

"Edward Cullen is coming for dinner. He's my boyfriend."

"Emmett's cousin?" He's incredulous.

I nod, watching him closely. His face is red, and he's scowling.

"No way, Bella." He shakes his head firmly before continuing, "Do you have any idea how many times I've seen Emmett McCarty's bare ass in the back seat of some car pulled over on the side of the road?"

I have no idea what the hell he is talking about.

"Too many times, Bella, I have had nightmares about it. I don't want you anywhere near that boy's cousin. The apple and the tree and all that. Boys like that only want one thing. You're only sixteen."

_Is he serious?_

Charlie seriously gives Jake too much credit. He has no idea that I've ever done the deed. Part of me wants to laugh at his total obliviousness, and the other part is angry at him for insulting the boy I love.

"Edward is nothing like Emmett, Dad. And I know for a fact he's not out for _one thing. _We've been together almost a month, and all he's done is kiss me. I have gladly given him every opportunity to do more, but he respects me. You've got the wrong guy. Edward isn't out for one thing. That was Jake."

Okay, maybe that was the wrong thing to say. He looks like I've just slapped him.

"Dad-"

"Don't," he says, holding up a hand. He glances out the window. "I didn't realize it was that serious with Jake. You guys never seemed to have any kind of spark. I figured it was mostly just friendship."

"It was," I assure him. "I just made a mistake. I thought I could make us more than we were."

He pales before turning a slight shade of green. He's going to puke.

"Sit down," he manages, motioning to the table.

We sit. I fidget nervously. I have no idea what to expect from him. He doesn't have house rules, and we don't have serious conversations.

"Sex is like the weather, honey. When you know it is going to rain, you carry an umbrella or wear a jacket to keep dry. Raincoats are the barriers, you see-"

"Stop," I beg. "Please just stop."

My father is trying to have the sex talk with me. I cannot do this. Not now. Not ever.

"Renee already handled this when I was thirteen."

"Oh, thank God," he exhales.

We look at each other awkwardly for a few moments.

"Dad, I know you worry, but I'm not going to do anything stupid this time. Edward is different. He's…" I don't think Charlie will believe me if I tell him what Edward really is.

_He's everything_.

"He's important."

"Okay," he says reluctantly.

"Thank you," I tell him. "Now, get out of here so I can make dinner."

He leaves quickly. I'm pretty sure he is embarrassed about the raincoat conversation. I know I am.

Once I have dinner in the oven, I decide to shower and change. Edward and I are going to hang out at Alice's house after dinner, and it would be nice to get the school funk off of me.

Charlie is seated at the dining room table when I come downstairs. There are two rifles, one shotgun, and an array of cleaning supplies on the table.

"Really, Dad?"

"Hunting season starts on the fifteenth," he mumbles.

"Promise me you'll be nice." I am not above begging.

"I promise not to kill him" is his only reply.

Poor Edward. I never should have clued Charlie in. Now, he's going to be even more overprotective when it comes to boys.

I'm outside on the porch swing when Edward arrives.

"Charlie has his guns out," I say as I sink into his arms.

"That's okay. I expected guns," he laughs.

"And he knows I've been sexually active. He tried to give me "the talk" using weathermen and raincoats as an analogy."

"I'm sorry I missed that part."

He has no idea.

"I can't believe you think this is funny," I hiss.

"Emmett spent an hour prepping me to meet your dad. I'm fully prepared to stare down the barrel of his gun and hear about all the places he can bury me where no one will ever find me. I refuse to turn into a total pussy now."

_God, he's kind of perfect._

I don't want to leave his arms, but the last thing I do want is Charlie to find us like this. Baby steps.

Edward's hand is strong and steady around mine as we walk into the house. Charlie glances up as we approach. He hasn't moved from his spot at the table. I worry for a second that he is going to be really, really rude to Edward.

I should know better. He stands, extending his hand to Edward. I let go of Edward's hand quickly so he can do the guy thing with Charlie.

"Nice to meet you, Chief Swan."

I'm not sure how he manages to keep his voice even. Charlie is squeezing the shit out of his hand. I can see it from here.

"Have a seat, Edward."

This is my cue. I need to get dinner on the table. Fast. I give Edward a small smile before turning to the kitchen.

"Dinner should be ready in five." I narrow my eyes at Charlie as I pass him.

_Please don't be mean to my boyfriend. _

He smirks a little. I can hear them talking as I work in the kitchen. Edward compliments the .270 Winchester that Charlie adores. They talk guns. Talking is good. Still, I hurry because I don't want to leave them alone for long.

I call them into the kitchen for dinner. They've moved on to fishing stories now, and Edward tells Charlie all about a trip that he and Carlisle took to Ellensburg Canyon. I can tell that Charlie is impressed, even if he doesn't want to be. Few things interest my father more than fishing.

"I've never fished the Yakima," Charlie says thoughtfully.

"It's fantastic in the spring. There are trout everywhere."

This goes on and on. Charlie tells Edward about the steelhead and walleye in the Columbia River. I'm feeling a little left out by the end of the meal.

Edward stays to help me in the kitchen. Charlie bypasses the miniature gun show in our dining room, opting for a spot on the sofa in front of the television instead.

Edward doesn't want to eat and run. He thinks it will leave a bad impression with Charlie. I think he's crazy because I have pot and a serious craving for some make out time. Neither of those things can be accomplished while sitting with Charlie in my living room.

"You like sports?" Charlie eyes Edward as we join him on the couch.

"I play baseball, and I watch everything else."

"What position?"

And so it begins. Edward gives Charlie the rundown of his entire baseball "career" since little league. Homeruns, RBIs, blah, blah, blah.

They discuss the Mariners at length. I draw the line when they start quoting player stats.

"Well, Dad, it's been real. We're going to Alice's house now."

I stand and move to put on my jacket. I don't want to give Edward a choice in the matter. I think he would sit here talking about baseball with my dad until well past my curfew. No, thank you.

As we're leaving, Charlie walks us to the door.

"I'll take good care of her, sir." Edward is laying it on thick. I resist rolling my eyes.

"Have her home by midnight."

Charlie smiles a little and winks at me.

_He likes him. Holy shit._

"Absolutely. Thanks, Chief."

"Charlie."

That one word means so much to me. Charlie likes him. He approves. I had no idea how much it mattered to me until this very moment. I hug him tightly.

"Thanks, Daddy."

He stays on the porch until we pull away from the house. Edward is grinning from ear to ear. It's adorable. Until I remember that long boring-ass baseball conversation.

"Seriously, Edward, did have to tell him about every single detail of your baseball statistics?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

He glances at me briefly before turning his eyes to the road.

"Because I want your dad to know me, Bella. I want him to trust me with you. If I'm not man enough to have a conversation with him, how will that ever happen?"

I don't even know what to say. I know what I want to say, but I am too petrified to be the one to say it first.

"Sounds like Emmett wasn't the only one giving you a pep talk for tonight. Carlisle?"

I need to keep things light. Love complicates the hell out of friendship. I feel like he can see right through me.

"No, my mother, actually," he murmurs.

God, I love that woman. Not as much as I love her son, but close.

"Well," I say as he parks in Alice's drive. "I don't want to talk about our parents or baseball or fishing for the rest of the night. All I want to do is smoke a little weed and make out with my boyfriend."

"Sounds like a plan."

**A/N: One important thing to remember about Generation X- we were labeled as "The Divorce Generation." Divorce rates in the US skyrocketed and peaked right around 1980. Latchkey kids became the norm, and two parent households were few and far between. So yeah, GenXer Bella is going to have parental issues from time to time. **

**Poor Charlie. It can't be easy to hear that your little girl has been deflowered. **

**My son turned 11 recently. Two months ago, my husband gave him "the talk" while I was at work one night. He did not use the weather as an analogy. You don't even want to know. Trust me. I've already started a savings account for the future therapy sessions.**

**Lots of new story alerts last chapter! **

**Welcome and thanks for reading, **

**MSC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Same long disclaimer from the previous chapters applies. S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a brand new ladybug Halloween costume. Complete with shiny, silver bug glasses. Big thanks to my sis for the usual. She moved this week and still managed to help me with this. She rocks. *Minor drug use* **

Chapter 8

_These are the days  
>These are days you'll remember<br>Never before and never since, I promise  
>Will the whole world be warm as this<br>And as you feel it,  
>You'll know it's true<br>That you are blessed and lucky  
>It's true that you<br>Are touched by something  
>That will grow and bloom in you<em>

_(These Are Days- 10,000 Maniacs)_

Edward's dad loves Halloween. It's a little creepy, to be honest. There is an actual coffin on their front porch. Edward says he got it in Seattle a few years back from a friend who owns a mortuary. There was a mishap after shipment, and it was cracked in the back and couldn't be repaired or sold to the public. Carlisle offered him half price, and now, for two weeks out of the year, it sits on his porch propped against the house with a fake mummy inside on display.

The Cullens don't just hand out candy. They set up a haunted maze in their garage using plywood and extra large black blankets. The guys will dress as Freddie, Michael and Jason and then hide strategically in corners after turns. Carlisle and Edward spent an entire Saturday arranging the lighting.

Esme is just as bad. We've made thirty batches of Rice Krispy treats, and I lost count of how many brownies I've wrapped in Halloween themed cling wrap. If I didn't love being a part of something so abnormally normal, I would probably be irritated by all of this enthusiasm.

Instead, I'm sitting patiently in their guest bathroom as Carmen sprays two large white streaks down the length of my now black hair. Renee used a Loreal home kit on it last night. Edward freaked a little this morning until I reassured him it would be gone after eight to ten washes. It was his stupid idea to make us all wear costumes anyway.

The girls are excited about it. They would never miss an opportunity to act like kids and dress up for Halloween. Alice invited herself and the others when Edward told her about it. His parents could care less, since apparently "more is merrier." I can't complain, though. She found this dress in the costume closet of the Forks High drama department. She also took the time to sew sheer white material attached from the underside of the arms all the way down the pink bodice of the gown. I feel like an overdressed, pastel bat.

"Okay. You're done. Get out of here so I can change."

I snort. "I've seen you change a million times. What's the big deal?"

"I want you to get the full effect when you see it." She grins wickedly.

_Oh, no_. "I told you we're passing out candy to little kids."

She pushes me out of the bathroom before slamming the door in my face.

I rush downstairs to find Alice. She's sitting with Esme and Jasper in the kitchen.

"You look cute!" I tell her. She stands and does a weird curtsy thing.

"Oh, now I get it," Esme says, looking between the two of us. "How did you girls come up with that?"

I cannot answer that question honestly. It wouldn't be appropriate for me to tell her that we got completely baked the Saturday night I spent in Forks. After the guys left, we made Pillsbury cinnamon rolls and ate them while watching _The Addams Family _and _The Munsters. _Yep. We were stoned, and it sounded funny.

"We've been watching those shows during Saturday night sleepovers since we were little kids," Alice says, smiling innocently. She used Jeanette's sewing machine to make her dress. She looks exactly like the TV version of Wednesday Addams.

"Alice made the costumes," I say proudly.

She fusses, saying mine was already made. That may be true, but it wouldn't have the same effect without her alterations.

Carmen enters the room with a flourish. She is wearing a short sparkly silver dress with silver boots and a fucking plastic headband with silver glitter balls attached to tiny coil springs. She is smiling broadly and strutting like a supermodel.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?" Jasper finally voices what all of us are thinking.

"An alien, duh."

"Oh, my God," Alice says, laughing. "More like an intergalactic hooker. And did you seriously just say _duh_?"

Jasper chuckles. "Space hooker. Awesome."

"Oh, shut up, Jasper," Carmen spits, looking him up down. "FYI- wearing black jeans and an Iron Maiden shirt doesn't qualify as a costume. I guess you think you're too hardcore to dress up."

"Suck it. I'm wearing a Freddy Krueger mask."

I'm more than a little embarrassed because Esme has just witnessed this entire exchange. My friends are assholes. She stifles a laugh before leaving us to seek out her husband. They need to change into their vampire costumes.

"You guys are the worst friends ever." I probably won't feel that way by the end of the night, but I give them the finger as I leave the kitchen.

I find Edward, Emmett, Alec and Leah in the garage.

"Ewww, Bella, your boobs are showing," Emmett says as he covers his eyes with his hand. Everyone laughs as his fingers part, and he blatantly stares at my chest. Everyone but Edward. He elbows Emmett in the side.

"Just kidding, dude," Emmett grumbles. "Can't even…" He stops, shaking his head. "You know what? Nevermind."

I can tell he's angry. I get it. I do. We've been messing around like that for years. Now that we're together, Edward gets defensive and protective when Emmett messes around with me. We've talked about this a couple of times. He understands how I am with Emmett, and in truth, all my guy friends. I'm affectionate. I can't help it. It's one of the things he loves about me. It's also the only thing he dislikes. Still, I don't understand how he can be jealous of his own cousin.

Emmett stalks into the house, probably to keep himself from decking his best friend.

"Why do you do that?" I hit Edward's shoulder with the back of my hand. "He was _playing_."

"He was being disrespectful. There's a difference," he mutters.

"You didn't get mad earlier when Carmen touched my tits." This is where I have him. Carmen got so excited about this dress because it actually gives me cleavage. She started pushing my boobs together and making fun of me. Edward didn't get pissed about that, and she was touching them.

"That was hot." He looks surprised after he says it.

"Seriously?" I think I might slap him.

"Totally," Alec concurs.

"Shut up, fucker." Edward punctuates his words by kicking Alec's foot.

"Oh, my God. Leah, come on." I walk out of the garage towards the street.

"I got this," she says to Edward. "You go make nice with Emmett."

I wait at the end of the drive. She joins me a few moments later. She lights two Marlboros and hands me one of them. The sun is just starting to set, so we can only get a couple of blocks away before we'll need to circle back.

Some guy honks as he passes us on the street. We're shocked for a second before we realize how ridiculous we look. I'm dressed as Lily Munster, smoking a cigarette, and walking down the road with Princess Leia. I would probably honk at us, too.

Once we start giggling, we can't seem to stop. I'm desperately trying not to cry. I don't want to streak my makeup.

"I needed that."

"Yeah, you did," she agrees, still laughing.

I tell her all about Carmen's hooker dress and the scene in the kitchen. She isn't at all surprised. Jasper doesn't talk much, but when he does, it's usually memorable.

We see a few people on porches lighting up their carved pumpkins as we are walking back to Edward's house. There are groups of little kids wearing costumes and running around in circles in their front yards.

Leah is watching them too. "Do you remember the year we all dressed as Smurfette and Charlie kept calling us by the wrong names all night?"

"I think I have a Polaroid of that somewhere. I'll check when I get back to Renee's."

"Thanks for letting us crash your party," she says quietly.

I think about how much things have changed since we were the little kids running around waiting to go trick-or-treating together. I've felt so far away from them these last two years. This is the first time The Pack has ever been to PA on a school night. Before Leah and I got our licenses, it wouldn't have been possible. Just knowing that we can get to each other makes me so incredibly happy.

"I am so glad you guys are here," I tell her as we reach Edward's house. Everyone is outside handling last minute details. Carmen waves from the front porch where she is lighting candles.

"Even though Carmen looks like a sparkly hooker?" Leah asks, laughing.

"No matter what."

Edward and Emmett seem to be okay now. They are smearing fake blood all over their ripped up t-shirts. Emmett borrowed his dad's chainsaw on the off chance that any teenagers show up. Esme has threatened his balls if he scares a single kid under thirteen with it. His plan is to hide around the corner and wait for a signal from me or Alice.

The guys rub black makeup under their eyes, before donning their masks. I don't think I've ever seen so much candy. The neighbors told Carlisle that there are tons of people who don't even live in this neighborhood who come here to trick-or-treat.

They weren't kidding. Passing out candy almost feels like a job. Angela stops by for a few minutes with her little brothers. Esme tries to give the boys extra candy, but they are afraid of her vampire fangs. Carmen gives it to them instead. Angela has never met my friends from Forks, so I take a moment to introduce them all.

By the end of the night, we've given out all of the candy and treats. Emmett is disappointed because he only got to fire up the chainsaw twice. Alice and I make a quick trip upstairs, so I can put on my normal clothes and give her the dress. The girls and Jasper leave at nine since they have the long drive back to Forks. Alec and Emmett help Carlisle and Edward disassemble the plywood. Edward keeps his mouth shut and his hands in his pockets as Emmett hugs me when they're leaving. Esme and Carlisle leave the garage, muttering something about showers and makeup removal.

Finally, fucking finally, we're alone. His hair is crazy from taking the Jason mask on and off all night. The black smudges have spread onto his cheeks. But he still looks so handsome I could cry.

"I should take you home," he says quietly.

He's right. It is getting pretty late, and we do have school in the morning. I need to shower this white spray out of my hair before bed. Still, I'm a little disappointed that he's not disappointed that we didn't get to spend any time alone together tonight.

"I'll just go and get my things," I tell him, turning to go inside.

He doesn't answer, but I can hear him behind me as I make my way through the kitchen and up the stairs. I stop at the guest bathroom to gather my makeup bag and the can of hairspray. Edward is waiting in his room with my backpack in his hands.

My feelings are a little hurt. It seems like he can't wait to get rid of me. I yank my bag from his hands and stuff the toiletries into it, zipping it forcefully. Now I just want to go home.

"Are you mad at me?" he asks incredulously.

"I don't know," I admit.

It sounds so stupid, and I know it. He looks bewildered.

"I was earlier, after the Emmett thing," I begin. "But then you guys worked it out, and we all had so much fun that I kind of just forgot about it. Then everybody left, and I got excited because I kind of missed you even though I was with you all night." I try really hard, but I can't keep the sting of rejection out of my voice as I tell him, "And all you want to do is take me home."

"All I want to do is touch you," he says as he places his hands on my hips. "You've been tempting me all night."

"Very funny," I huff.

"Why do you think I got so pissed at Emmett? I can't stand it when other guys check you out. Do have any idea how Alec talked about you this summer before we were together? And Emmett? Your buddy, Emmett? I told you I thought you were his girlfriend. He said you were PHAT all summer. I wanted to punch him."

"He called me fat?" I'm not a bean pole, and I know it, but that's a little harsh.

"No, not fat, P-H-A-T," he says, enunciating each letter. "Pussy, hips, ass, and tits. It's supposed to be a compliment according to Emmett."

I don't really consider it a compliment. At all. I find it pretty damn offensive. I swear all the idiot thinks about is sex. I feel really sorry for the chick he finally settles down with. I know he didn't mean it the way Edward thinks he did, though.

"You know Emmett doesn't really think of me that way, right?" This is something Edward needs to understand if this is going to work. I don't want to be a source of conflict with his family. "He has never even made a pass at me. Never. Not once. Not drunk and not sober. He's never touched me inappropriately, never asked me out, nothing. Believe me Charlie would castrate him if he ever tried. I think he was probably just messing with you because he knew he could."

"He never even tried?" he asks dubiously.

I shake my head slowly. "No," I stress. "Not a single guy at PA High has ever shown any interest in me, other than friendship."

"Oh, they show plenty of interest. You really have no idea, do you?"

"What?"

"Lots of guys look at you. You just don't notice. I've overheard plenty of things I wish I hadn't. The way you ignore them drives them crazy. It makes them crave your attention even more."

"Did you smoke earlier?" He must be high.

"You are so oblivious. It's one of the things I love about you."

He kisses me, and I can't even enjoy it because my brain is stuck on the "I love" and "you" coming out of Edward's mouth in one sentence. Does loving something about me equate to loving me? I love lots of things about him, and I love him. It's logical that the same could be true about his feelings for me. If only he'd fucking say the words.

I completely forget my train of thought as Edward slides his hand under my shirt. I can feel his warm palm inching up my back. I am going to kiss Alice the next time I see her. The cleavage worked its magic. He's going for my bra.

I tell him _yes, yes, yes _with the brush of my lips against his and the way I relax my shoulders into his hand. I want him to do it. I want him to finally touch me. He swiftly unhooks the bra before running the length of his pointer finger along my ribs, until the very tip of it brushes the underside of my breast. My breath catches a little when the rest of his fingers follow.

Jake was a groper. Edward is gentle as he explores, cupping my flesh and teasing my nipple. It's such a sweet contrast to any other experience I've had in this department. I push my hips into his a little and break the kiss. I reach down for the hem of my shirt. He swats my hand away. I wait for him to take it off instead. He doesn't. So, I reach for it again.

"Bella," he says. "Stop trying to taking your shirt off."

I am two seconds away from stomping my foot and leaving. I reach behind me to close my bra.

"Don't do that."

I raise my brows at the tone of his voice.

"Don't get upset. I want to. Believe me, I want to. But that door is always open, and they are always here. I don't want to start something with you that I can't finish." He scowls. "Well, not _finish_ finish, but I wouldn't want anything we start to end with my dad seeing your tits. There are enough people ogling them as it is."

God, he gets so awkward every time he talks about sex. I don't care if there was penetration, he is absolutely a virgin. The only good thing about this is now I won't have to ever be jealous of that Maggie chick. It really didn't count.

"You're right," I mumble. He is right, and I know it. We don't have the privacy to really move this to the next level. I'm going to have to change that. Renee and I are going to have a little chat when I see her tonight. This separation of home and school is going to have to be renegotiated.

-o-o-o-o-o-

It takes me a week to convince her to let Edward have dinner with us at home. She tries to suggest a few restaurants, but I stand my ground, reminding her of all the times she ragged me about not making friends in PA or giving it a "real" chance.

She can't argue, so she relents.

By Thanksgiving, he's a regular fixture in our home. Well, anytime Renee is present. She still won't agree to let him come over after school or while she's at the gym, but she is more relaxed than the Cullens. She could care less if we shut the door, so we do.

Edward still won't budge off second.

"I'm telling you, B, it's not normal."

Carmen has been trying to convince me that something is seriously wrong with Edward for the last half hour. Leah and her family left for Portland right after school today. They're having Thanksgiving dinner with her grandparents there tomorrow. Carmen has taken it upon herself to keep me company tonight since Charlie is working, and Alice is having _alone _time with Jasper.

"I once had a guy get all the way to third in the narthex of my church because he couldn't wait to get me out to his car."

"You say that like it's a good thing." I stare at her. "Edward is a gentleman. We're taking our time. He says I'm special."

She laughs hard until she's clutching her sides and rolling on my bed.

"He says I'm _special,_" she mocks, wiping tears from her eyes. "Trust me, B. When you start having sex with someone other than Jake, you'll see what a good thing it really is." Then she cocks her head and says thoughtfully, "Well, maybe. I'm beginning to wonder if Edward has any idea what he's doing."

"Stop it," I tell her. "It doesn't matter. I love him." I'm surprised at how much her teasing is actually bothering me.

She stares at me, all traces of laughter gone.

"Seriously?" she asks.

I nod, and she moves to her bag.

"Let's hit the porch. I need a smoke for this."

I follow her out of my room and down the stairs. She could at least be happy for me. Being in love for the first time is a big deal.

She looks at me as she pulls a joint from her Marlboro box. She waits to light it until we step onto the porch.

"That's some pretty deep shit, B," she says quietly on an exhale.

I don't say anything back. I just take the joint from her and wait to see if she wants to talk about it.

I know the basics. His name was Chris, and he was sixteen when it happened. They spent two glorious weeks together at church camp in Phoenix. She thought it was love. On the last day, he informed her it wasn't. She came back with a broken heart. She was only fourteen. He was her first, and she thought she loved him. Fucking bastard.

"Does he love you?" she asks.

"I don't know," I admit. "We haven't really talked about it."

"He's crazy about you. That much is obvious. His family is pretty fucking awesome too. Maybe you're right. Maybe he is different."

I don't know if she means different in general, or different than Chris. I don't want to ask because bringing that asshole up would just upset her. She drives me nuts sometimes, but I love her, and I would never want to hurt her. She's been hurt enough.

When the joint is gone, we grab a couple of pudding pops and some cans of Sprite. She bypasses my entire Molly Ringwald collection and chooses _Star Wars_. No romance. He's definitely on her mind. I'm cool with it. Han Solo is fucking hot.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Charlie wakes us in time to catch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV. I love it. I've never missed one.

We're still in our pajamas, huddling under a couple of blankets, when Carmen's dad shows up. He and Charlie chat about the parade, and Mr. Bryant complains that he will miss all of today's games because he has to go to the shop. Carmen's family owns the only flooring store in all of Forks. They sell and install carpet, hardwood, and tile. He always has a big sale the day after Thanksgiving.

Carmen gives me a quick hug and orders me to call her the moment my boyfriend grows a pair. Thankfully, she whispers it.

Charlie and I spend our morning catching up. He asks about Edward which pleases me. He also wants to know if Edward will go fishing with him. That's a little much. I think we should at least be at the vocal "I love you" before I ask him to go fishing with my dad. I would feel weird even asking him. I ask Charlie for time. He blows it off as no big deal.

Charlie didn't lie. He really doesn't try to cook anything. We have deli turkey sandwiches and Fritos for lunch. He asks what I want for Christmas. I tell him I really want a stereo with a CD player. I don't want fancy, just functional.

We watch the Detroit Lions beat the Chicago Bears by ten points. Charlie doesn't have any allegiance to either team, so he spends most of the game shouting at whichever team is pissing him off. I have no idea how football works. He has explained it to me a hundred times, and I still don't get it.

I leave when the game is over. Charlie is going out to the res to catch the Cowboys game with Billy and the guys. I promise to see him again before Christmas as I tell him goodbye.

Renee is half way through _Buns of Steel 2 _when I walk through the front door. The woman is obsessed with exercise. I sigh. It shows. She's hotter than most college chicks. It grosses me out because guys like Emmett are always talking about the things they want to do to my mom. I wish she was mousy or nerdy or something not so perfect.

I call Edward while I'm waiting for her.

"Hey." I can hear the smile in his voice, and it makes me smile too.

"Hey, yourself," I tease. "How's it going over there?"

"Good. We're all camped out on the couch rubbing our guts and watching football."

"I just did that with Charlie. Except for the "rubbing our guts" part," I laugh.

"What? No big spread?"

"Turkey sandwiches and Fritos."

"Bella, that's just sad," he says seriously.

"Meh. It's no big deal. Maybe next year, I'll cook a fancy dinner. Your mom can teach me."

"Well, you still have Renee. Is she cooking?"

The idea of Renee slaving over a meal is so ridiculous, I laugh again. "If it doesn't come from a box or a bag, Renee can't cook it," I tell him.

"Come over."

I want to. I want to so badly. But when I hear the shower start in the next room, I know I can't. I promised Renee dinner, and I don't break my promises. Ever.

"I can't," I whine. "I promised."

"Later?" There's nothing wrong with later. "My parents are going to drive my grandparents back to Port Townsend tonight. They will be gone for a couple of hours."

"I'll do what I can," I tell him. _Later _sounds much better. I'm going to prove Carmen wrong. There is absolutely nothing weird about my boyfriend.

I end the call a few minutes later when Renee knocks on my door.

"Let's go to dinner," she says.

Last year, we ate Hungry Man turkey dinners. I don't have a clue which restaurants are open on Thanksgiving.

She does. Twenty minutes later, we are seated at a table at Dynasty. Chinese food. Fucking Chinese food on Thanksgiving. Not a single slice of turkey or bite of dressing all day. This is so fucked up. Neither of them cares enough to even make an effort anymore.

I pick at my food, taking an occasional bite, but for the most part, just moving it around my plate. It tastes all wrong. I feel sentimental and stupid and I hate it.

Renee is clueless, of course. She just talks and talks about all the shopping she has planned for tomorrow. I tell her to count me out. She'll wake at an ungodly hour and literally be gone all day. I don't want any part of it. She laughs. She never expected me to go with her.

When we get back to the house, I don't follow her onto the porch.

"I think I'm going to Edward's for a bit." I unlock the door to my truck and open it.

"Sure. I'm going to turn in early. Don't stay out too late."

I can't believe she's just going to let me go. I get in the truck and back out before she has a chance to think about it.

Edward opens the door with a huge smile on his face. I follow him inside, telling him about Chinese food on Thanksgiving. He takes me to the kitchen and tells me to sit. He takes a plate from the fridge and removes a foil covering. He places it in the microwave and sets the timer for five minutes.

The smell is enough to make my stomach grumble.

"Mom made a plate for you. Just in case."

"She knew I might come over?" I am surprised that she would knowingly leave us alone. We still can't even close the damn bedroom door.

"I told her," he says thoughtfully. "And then she got a weird look on her face and told me she trusted me. I have no idea what she was talking about."

"That's how it is with me and Charlie. Half the time it seems we're speaking two different versions of the same language."

I nearly cry when he places the plate in front of me on the table. Turkey and dressing with gravy, sweet potato casserole, baked apples…it just looks so good. So normal.

And of course, it tastes fantastic. Esme should open a restaurant. Her food is that good.

I hate eating in front of Edward. It would be easy if he were eating as well, but there is nothing to distract him from watching me.

"How long have your parents been gone?"

He glances at his Swiss Army watch. "Almost an hour." He grins.

That means they won't be back for a little over an hour. _We're alone. Really alone. _

I quickly rinse the dish and place it in the washer. I'm trying to keep my cool, resisting the urge to pull him up the stairs and do wicked things to him. He has no reservations. He takes my hand and practically drags me up the stairs.

He kisses me as I walk backwards into his room. He slams the door shut. Then his fingers are playing at the hem of my Beastie Boys t-shirt.

I try like hell to remember which bra I put on when I left Charlie's today. He pulls the t-shirt off first and then groans a little as he edges the black thermal shirt up my torso.

_Fuck. _

Cotton. White cotton bra. That's not so bad. I relax as he pulls the shirt over my head before tossing it to the floor. He is staring at me, so I reach behind him and turn off the light. I feel weird standing around half naked. Until he puts his arms around me.

I don't know how to describe this feeling. His arms are like home. Everything good and warm I've ever known. I've been worrying for a month over him saying the words. At this moment, I could care less if he ever says them. I already know. He's shown me over and over that he loves me. I can feel it in the way he holds me.

I take a step back, pulling him with me. He throws his glasses on the desk before joining me on the bed.

"You should be more naked," I say.

I might not feel so self-conscious if I focus on his naked chest instead of my own.

He yanks his shirt off and throws it across the room. Jesus, the boy has a nice body. And I get to touch it.

I lie back against his pillow. He's on his side, holding his head up with one hand and running the fingers of his other hand back and forth across the skin just beneath my bra.

"Can I take it off?"

_Seriously?_ Does he really think he needs to ask?

I sit up just enough to unhook it. He pulls it away from my body before dropping it next to us on the bed.

Instead of kissing me the way I want him to, he gazes down at me in the moonlight. I look away and try not to think about what he might be thinking. When I've had enough, I pull him down, meeting his lips with my own.

My fingers are in his hair pulling him closer. He doesn't hesitate, shifting until he is between my legs, and I feel the warm weight of his body on mine. He is still kissing me senseless, driving me mad with his lips and his tongue.

And then I feel it. One of his hands trailing down my torso until it stops at the button on my jeans. He pauses, breaking our kiss to question me with his eyes. I can't even fathom telling him no, but my mouth won't function to say yes. So, I nod.

He sits up until he is on his knees. I shimmy the pants down my legs, and he pulls them from my body. I'm so nervous I have to remind myself to breathe. I've only been this naked in front of one other guy, unless bathing suits count.

He groans a little as he traces the edges of the white bikini underwear. I am cursing myself internally for not changing into something sexy before coming over here. Alice gave these to me for my birthday. They're white cotton with tiny images of Garfield all over them. Black or red lace would have been better.

I forget all about the fat kitty underwear as he covers my body with his own. I love the feel of his chest against mine. He supports his weight with one arm next to my shoulder and lets his other hand slide down to my hip.

And then he's right there. He kisses me deeply as his fingers slip past the waistband. I think I might go insane. I should be incredibly embarrassed at how wet and ready I am, but it has been so long since I've seen any kind of action and having a geeky, hot boyfriend is walking torture.

I need this. Need him to touch me. I arch my hips a little until I feel the pad of his fingertip against my burning flesh. He moans as we kiss, slipping two fingers inside.

I don't remember making a conscious decision to grind against his hand but it happens. I've never had an orgasm, and I am determined to get one tonight. With Edward.

I unfasten his jeans and lower his zipper. He stops kissing me long enough to place his forehead against mine.

"Not all the way, okay?" He whispers. "I want to wait until we can spend the whole night together to go all the way."

I am okay with that.

I'm nervous and fumbling until I have him in my hand. He's heavy and hot, desperate against my skin, so I trail my fingers through the little pool of wetness at his tip. I kiss him and work him with my hand, making him moan into my mouth.

I could lose myself watching him, but his fingers are moving and his thumb is rubbing. My body tenses, then I'm leaning hard against the pillow beneath me, offering myself to him. The angle is perfect. A moment later, I am trembling and gasping and cursing.

He comes. Fast and hard. I feel it on my thumb and my belly. He buries his face in my neck. I am so fucking happy and relieved. We're normal. We work together.

I want to bask in this and sleep in his arms, but his parents will be home any minute. I can see now why he wants to wait. Clean up is rushed, but he steals kisses as we dress.

We're downstairs eating pumpkin pie at the kitchen table when his parents get home. They join us at the table, and we talk for an hour. I gush over Esme's apples and tell her how much they remind me of my grandmother's. She promises to share the recipe and teach me to cook them. Edward and his dad are talking about some of the more impressive football plays of the day.

Finally, it feels like Thanksgiving.

**A/N: They won't always be this gun shy. I promise. **

**PHAT really was a popular phrase in the early 90's. Unfortunately, my husband is still quite fond of it. **

**Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? **

**Thank you for reading!**

**-MSC**


	9. Chapter 9

**S Meyer owns Twilight. If I owned it, I'd get the hell out of Tennessee and live somewhere like Isle Esme instead. And I'd get a nanny. **

**My sister humors me by checking for mistakes, comparing written chapters to my outline, and giving me word count assignments as homework. It's almost like being in college again. Only this is fun. Any mistakes that are left are mine. *Weed warning.* **

Chapter 9

_Never opened myself this way  
>Life is ours, we live it our way<br>All these words I don't just say  
>Trust I seek and I find in you<br>Every day for us, something new  
>Open mind for a different view<br>and nothing else matters_

_(Nothing Else Matters- Metallica)_

It turns out that Friday the 13th is actually a pretty lucky day for me. At least, it has been this year. Technically, Edward and I are going on our first date tonight. It sounds so ridiculous because we've been together forever now, but it's true. We hang out all the time at our houses or our friends' houses.

Tonight, he's taking me out to dinner. Just the two of us. Then we have tickets for _A Christmas Carol_ at the Port Angeles Playhouse. I usually go with Renee. She takes a group of students every year as an opportunity to earn extra credit. She is friends with the general manager, and she was able to score third row seats for me and Edward.

I wish Carmen was here to do something with my hair. She could have it twirling and beautiful in less than ten minutes. I've barely managed to curl the tips. It will have to do.

I don't wear much makeup, but I do wear a dress. It's black lace over a black slip dress. It looks more Halloween than Christmas, but the department store only had frilly semi-formal crap. I paid a little more at the vintage shop for this dress, and I don't regret it.

Renee comes in to tell me goodbye before she leaves. She is meeting some friends for dinner before the play. She looks beautiful in a knee-length red dress and killer heels. She should have been a movie star or some kind of secret agent instead of a high school teacher.

Edward looks crazy good in black dress pants. I want to drag him back to my bedroom by the ridiculous Christmas tie he is wearing. I resist. Barely. I want my date first.

He takes me to Mykonos, a cozy Greek restaurant. It is dimly lit, and there are candles at every table. The hostess leads us to a small table for two in the back corner, away from the kitchen. Our waiter's name is Norman, and he winks as he asks if I prefer white or red wine. He's got to be at least fifty years old, and he's obviously teasing, so I tell him I prefer tequila. He laughs and says the Baklava is on him tonight. Edward orders Mousaka, and I choose the Pastitsio.

We share an order of stuffed grape leaves as an appetizer.

"You know, you're setting a pretty high standard with this first date. Fancy dinner and live theater? Most guys think fast food and _Cape Fear _make for an awesome first date," I tell him.

"Hmmm. They're right, but a little birdie told me how much my girl loves this play. The same birdie offered me a group discount on third row seats. Besides," he pauses to kiss my cheek. "I already took you to Wendy's the night we met."

Norman delivers our meal and clears the appetizer dish and plates.

"We can do McDonald's and a movie next week if you want," he says, offering me a bite of his eggplant.

Since I've never had Greek food, I try it. There's some kind of cream and cheese sauce on top, and it is so good. My own dinner is a type of Greek lasagna, and I share a few bites with him in return. The Baklava is delicious, and, according to Edward, Norman does leave it off the final tab.

We walk to the parking lot with his arm wrapped around my waist.

"Thank you for dinner," I tell him as he unlocks the passenger door.

"Thank you for wearing those boots."

Edward has a _thing _for chicks in combat boots. They don't exactly match the silk and lace of my dress, but they're _me, _and he likes them.

The parking lot is crowded when we arrive at the playhouse. Renee is standing outside the entrance with a young couple I don't recognize. She has a clipboard in hand, checking students off a list as they collect their tickets from her. The man standing next to her is doing the same.

I wait until she's free to say hello.

"Bella, Edward, this is Mr. Berty. He teaches English and Drama at Forks. This is his wife, Mrs. Berty." Renee gestures to the couple standing next to her. Mr. Berty is tall and lanky. He has short, black curly hair and a warm smile.

"I'm Lance, and this is Camilla," he says as he shakes Edward's hand.

Camilla is easily one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Her hair is also black. It's cut short and spiked a little in the back. She has high cheek bones and a flawless complexion. I'm more fascinated by her piercings. There are multiple lobe and helix piercings, and there are scaffold piercings in both ears. She smiles, and I'm tempted to ask her if the lip ring hurt. Mr. Berty has a bad-ass wife.

"Well, it's nice to finally meet the illusive "fourth" musketeer," Lance says to me. "Alice did a bang up job on the costume."

I smile because she did, and he must have given her the okay to do it.

"Thank you for allowing me to borrow the dress." I can see why Alice is so enamored with her drama teacher. He has a southern accent, and he's wearing Doc Marten shoes.

Our conversation is cut short as Mike and Jessica check in with Mr. Berty. I greet Jessica with a hug.

"What are you doing here?" I ask quietly. "I know you don't need extra credit."

She shakes her head a little. "Extra credit is never a bad thing." Her eyes are on Mike.

He must be the one who needs it. This is surprising. Mike has always been an Honor Roll student. I don't say anything else. I don't want to make either of them uncomfortable.

Jessica tells me all about a SAT prep course she's taking. Edward and Mike are having a conversation next to us, and I don't mean to, but I can't help overhearing Mike's question.

"So, are you going to try out for the baseball team?"

I don't bother to pretend to listen to Jessica now. Mike has just asked the question that has been floating around in the back of my head for months. I haven't asked because I'm afraid of the answer.

Edward glances at me before answering. "I'm not sure yet."

I hate myself for being relieved that he didn't say yes. I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend. I don't want to hold Edward back from something he loves. He would never do that to me.

Jane and Alec join us before Mike has a chance to reply. Jane is jumpy when I touch her arm as I introduce her to Jessica. Her words are a little rushed, and she seems really distracted.

"Jane," I say, forcing her to look at me. "Are you okay?"

Fuck. Her eyes are dilated.

I make my way over to Alec, stepping in close as I squeeze his arm. I drag him down so I can whisper in his ear.

"What the hell are you doing? She's trippin. This may as well qualify as a school function, Alec. Do you have any idea how much trouble she could get in?"

He's already gotten their tickets from Renee, so they can't leave. I take Jane inside and to the ladies room.

"When did you dose, Jane?"

I wet several paper towels. I swipe at her face a little.

"Around four."

She planned this. She's going to peak anytime now. I know from experience that an acid trip can last from six to twelve hours. It's one of the reasons I hate it so fucking much.

There's nothing I can do to stop it, so I deliver her to Alec in the lobby.

"Keep her away from the teachers," I tell him.

I find Edward outside, still talking to Mike and Jessica. The ushers have started seating, and I'm ready to tune everything out for a while.

I see several students from PA as Edward and I make our way to our seats. Every single junior on the cheer squad is in attendance along with Ben, Aaron, some other baseball guys, and a few members of the football team. I have no idea where Jane and Alec are sitting.

Renee always sits in the last row. If anyone tries to sneak out, she'll know it. Mr. Berty must not care because his wife takes the seat next to mine, and he sits next to her. I wonder if Renee planned this. Maybe this is why she offered us the good seats, so her buddy could chaperone my first date.

Once the lights go down, it doesn't matter. A mutual love for live theater is the only thing Renee and I have in common. I get lost in it. Edward has his arm on my thigh, and my hand is in his. He offers me his sleeve when he catches me crying during Scrooge's scene with Belle. I wipe my cheek and flip him off. He just laughs, shaking his head.

After the play, I convince him to take me to Wendy's for a frosty before going back to my house. Renee is going out for drinks with the Bertys, so we'll have a little time to ourselves. The house is dark and silent, and I don't bother turning on a light until we reach my room.

I step into my closet to change. It takes forever to get the damn combat boots off. As I'm pulling the dress over my head, I hear the Black Crowes playing in my room. He knows I love the Crowes. He deserves a little treat.

I remove my bra, leaving my white satin bikini underwear on. I can't just walk out there naked, so I slip his Pink Floyd shirt on. He loves to see me in his clothes.

He's stretched across my bed with his arms behind his head. He sits up a little as I walk across the room.

"Hair bands wrote songs about girls like you."

I like the way his words are low and throaty, even if they are completely ridiculous.

"You are so full of shit," I tell him as I straddle his lap.

His pointer finger hooks the bottom of the t-shirt and drags it up above my navel.

"Always with the fucking white panties," he mutters before drawing in his bottom lip with his teeth.

"Sorry." I'm not though, and I'm pretty sure my smile gives me away.

"My mom and dad are going to a New Year's Eve party," he says as his hands settle on my waist. "In Seattle."

Our eyes meet as my heart pounds furiously in my chest. I'm thinking about the pills in my bag and counting days in my head. Aunt Flow will have already come and gone by New Year's Eve.

"Planning a big party?" I ask coyly.

"No, more like a private sleepover."

"Am I invited?"

He hums, turning us so I am on my back, and he is hovering above me. "You're the only person invited."

Then he makes me forget everything in the world with his fingers and his promises of more.

-o-o-o-o-o-

A week later, I still haven't decided what to get Edward for Christmas. Alice and I are brainstorming for boyfriend gifts as Renee drives the three of us to Seattle. We give up as Renee parks in the crowded lot of her favorite mall. I hope something catches my eye, or Edward might not get a present.

We part ways with Renee and agree to meet her at the food court for lunch. Alice and I walk directly to the Victoria's Secret store. We both want sexy undies, so we're buying them for each other as Christmas gifts. Three of my five choices are white. His favorite.

We decide to make things easy. Carmen, Leah, Jeanette and Renee are all getting nice, sexy underwear for Christmas.

Esme is easy. I know she wants Katharine Hepburn's book of memoirs. So I buy it for her. Alice says getting someone a book as a gift is lame. I disagree. A book can be enjoyed over and over again. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

"Lame." She isn't impressed with my theory.

I don't argue. There's no point. Alice is the least sentimental person I know. Esme will be happy, and that's what counts.

I buy Emmett the first crude t-shirt I see on the wall in Spencer's. There is a hairy cartoon nut sack on it. He'll be thrilled. Alice gives me a weird look when I force her into a candy store. Carlisle likes Jelly Bellies. I consider getting Charlie a new fishing rod at Sears, but it feels all wrong. I'll make a trip to Newton's before Christmas.

I look for a new Sega game for Edward, but nothing impresses me. Alice tries to convince me to get him a brown cowboy hat. I refuse. She gets a black one for Jasper. I don't even want to know why.

The music store is my last hope.

_Jackpot._

They have the Led Zeppelin Boxed Set. Correction- I have the Led Zeppelin Boxed Set. Edward is going to love it. I can think of at least two times he has mentioned wanting this.

I have just enough money left to get Charlie a rod or something. I usually just tell Mike how much I want to spend and let him pick out the gifts. He knows Charlie's fishing likes and dislikes way better than I do.

Renee picks up the tab at lunch. She wants to continue shopping, but Alice and I are done. She suggests we catch a movie at the theater in the mall. It sounds much better than following her around, carrying bags all day, so we agree. She gives me a twenty, promising to meet us at the mall's main entrance at four.

Alice is wavering between _The Last Boy Scout _and _Father of the Bride._ I've already seen _The Last Boy Scout _with Emmett and Edward. I really don't want to see it again. Once was enough. At the last moment, she changes her mind and asks for two tickets for _Beauty and the Beast. _

After the movie, we decide to catch a smoke in the parking lot since we have time to kill. As we wait for Renee, I ask Alice about New Year's Eve. I'm probably going to let Charlie think I'm staying with Renee and tell Renee I'm spending the night with Alice.

"Bella, seriously, just tell your mom. You said yourself that she started leaving you guys alone in the house. She thinks it's a done deal. Anyone else but you two, and it would've been a done deal by now."

"Do you remember what I told you about Edward's first time?" I ask her. "I don't think he could handle the embarrassment of something like that happening again, especially with his parents or my mom."

She looks apologetic. "I didn't think about that," she admits. "I can see why he wants an entire night. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I tell her. "It took me a while to figure it out. I just put two and two together, and it's the only thing that makes sense, cause believe me…he wants it."

Sometimes, with his fingers deep inside me, he whispers exactly how much he wants it. His filthy words and hot breath in my ear make me tremble and explode under his touch. I can feel my whole body warm as I think of him.

"Gross. You're getting that creepy _fuck me _look all over your face." Alice shoves me a little as she lights another cigarette. "Renee is cool, Bella. She and my mom are both pretty open minded. Neither of them freaked when they found out our cherries had been vandalized. I would bet a dime bag she thinks you're already doing the nasty."

"If she says no, I'll be completely hosed, Al. She'll never believe I'm spending the night with you."

"She won't say no. I can feel it."

Alice's gut has never led me astray. She has an excellent sense of intuition. I ask Renee during the drive home, without mentioning the part about Esme and Carlisle going to Seattle. I let her make her own assumptions.

"Are you and Edward being safe?" She glances at me.

"We haven't done it, Mom. But yes, when the time is right, we'll be safe."

"If your father finds out about this-," she mutters, tapping her thumbs on the steering wheel.

"He won't," I assure her.

Alice and I both pinky-swear on scouts' honor that we won't tell a soul. That means Carmen and Leah, too. We'll tell them Alice is covering for me.

-o-o-o-o-o-

I don't make it to Newton's until Christmas Eve morning. Luckily, Mike is working. He knows exactly which fishing rod Charlie has been scoping recently. Jessica works at the store during the Christmas season as a gift wrapper. We chat idly as she folds and cuts and saves me the hassle of wrapping such an oddly shaped gift. I try to tip her with my last three dollars, but she refuses.

She asks about school and Edward.

I haven't seen him since late Saturday evening when we arrived home from our shopping trip. He stayed long enough to watch a movie with me and Alice.

Edward's house has been invaded by senior citizens this week. Carlisle's parents arrived from Seattle early Sunday morning. He and Edward are driving to Port Townsend this morning to pick up Esme's parents. Like I said, the more, the merrier with these people.

Renee is somewhere in the air on a flight between Seattle and Houston. She's flying down to spend Christmas with my grandfather. He refuses to come to Washington for any reason. I haven't seen him since my grandmother's funeral when I was seven years old. He left everything he owned in the house in Port Angeles, handed my mother the deed, and drove straight to Texas to live with his brother. He said he couldn't live in Washington without Gran. He meant it. So, Renee spends Christmas with her dad the same years I spend Christmas with mine.

Alice is in Mississippi. Leah is in Portland. And Carmen is in Garrett's bed.

Everyone is busy, busy, busy. And I have nothing to do.

I don't mean to drive to the res. It just happens. This whole thing with Jake is hurting my dad. This morning, Charlie told me the Blacks aren't coming over us for Christmas this year. He tried to sound casual, but really, he just sounded sad. This is his family when I'm not around, and I'm sure Billy isn't happy either.

I park in the driveway, leaving the motor running. I can't get out of the truck. My hand is on the gear shift, and I'm considering reverse when the front door opens, and Jake steps onto the porch. He scowls a little before turning and talking to someone in the house.

_This was a very bad idea. _

He's off the porch and opening the passenger door. It creaks and groans like always, then he's on the seat next to me with the door closed.

"Merry Christmas," he says, head tilted.

"You don't celebrate Christmas."

"No, but you do. Who is going to cook tomorrow since Rachel won't be there?"

He looks awful. Like he hasn't slept in days.

"That's why I'm here," I tell him. "This is ridiculous. Charlie and Billy always hang out on Christmas. They shouldn't have to suffer because you're a dick."

He grinds his teeth and closes his eyes. _Shit_.

"I didn't come here to fight, Jake." It's the closest thing he'll get to an apology.

"I am a dick," he says, exhaling.

"Agreed. Look Jake, I propose a truce. It doesn't have to be permanent. Let's just get our dads through Christmas. We can be civil for one day, right?"

He nods.

"Rachel doesn't have to cook. I'm taking care of dinner this year." I don't want him to think I'm doing this for a meal.

His deep laugh fills the cab of the truck.

"I can cook, asshole," I insist.

"Sure you can," he laughs as he opens the truck door. "See you tomorrow."

He slams the door in my face before I can reply.

I consider stopping by Maria's house on my way home. Part of me wants to kiss her for seducing Jake. Because of her, I got Edward.

Charlie is thrilled when I tell him the Blacks will be joining us for Christmas. He hugs me and thanks me. I give him a tight smile as I turn for the stairs.

"Bella," Charlie says from behind me. "Don't be too hard on Jake, okay? Billy said he's been having a tough time lately."

"Poor bastard," I laugh a little.

"Bella," he warns.

"I'll be good. No worries."

I spend the day wrapping gifts. Charlie gives me twenty bucks to wrap all of his gifts too. It's a sweet deal. I'm almost dry, and I cashed out buying Christmas gifts.

Charlie asks me to watch _White Christmas _with him. It's a tradition. I sit around in footed pajamas, he drinks a few beers, and we watch this movie on Christmas Eve.

I have my cordless on the floor next to the sofa. Edward promised he would call tonight.

He does, but I'm asleep and incoherent. Charlie left me on the couch. Soft white light radiates from the little Charlie Brown Christmas tree on the corner table. I want so badly to wake up and talk. I miss him, and I want to hear his voice.

I don't realize I said it aloud until he answers, "I miss you, too. Sleep, Bella. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Lots of people love Charlie. The first of many gift bearers arrives at 8AM. There are many, many single women in Forks who love to bake Christmas goodies for my dad.

_Gross._

The ex-Mrs. Yorkie gets the surprise of her life when I open the door in my fuzzy, red, footed pajamas. I thank her for the apple pie, wish her a Merry Christmas on behalf of the Chief, and send her on her way.

I trudge up the stairs and bang on Charlie's door to make sure he's up. I'm going back to bed, and he needs to get downstairs to keep his admirers from waking me.

I startle a little to find Charlie in my room instead of his own.

"Dad, what the hell?" I demand with my hand over my racing heart.

"Merry Christmas, kiddo." He steps away from my dresser, and I realize immediately why he left me on the couch last night.

He was busy playing Santa Claus in my room delivering a new Sony stereo with CD player AND double tape deck.

_Sweet._

"Hang on," I tell him, holding up a finger. I run down the stairs and hurry back with his gifts. He loves the rod and the Old Spice gift set.

I know it will be impossible to sleep now, so I get a head start on the meal by preparing the ham exactly the way Esme showed me and placing it in the oven. By the time I've showered and dried my hair, Ms. Watson has dropped off a potato casserole.

Charlie hides in the kitchen as I accept homemade fudge and other candies from Sybil. DMV Sybil. She's at least ten years younger than Charlie. I tell her he's working on a bad pipe in the basement and he's been cursing all morning. She hesitates, but I repeat my thank you speech and show her the door.

The next time the doorbell rings, Charlie insists on getting it.

Luckily, it's Jeanette. I invited her to spend the day with us. She's lonely for Alice and probably would have had something horrible for Christmas dinner, like a turkey sandwich or Chinese food, without my intervention.

She throws a huge white dish in the oven after rearranging the ham. We open a bottle of apple cider since neither of us can have wine. Jeanette is working tonight, and Charlie isn't nearly as cool as Renee about underage drinking.

Rachel comes bustling into the kitchen a few minutes later.

Jake's here.

In my house.

This sucks. All I want is to talk to Edward for more than five minutes, and instead I have to spend the day with my asshole ex.

Nobility is overrated.

Rachel and I sneak out to the back porch for a quick smoke while the guys are absorbed in some football highlights show on ESPN. She's quiet, which isn't like Rachel, and she looks tired.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Not really," she sighs. "I don't want to talk about it."

Whatever is going on with Jake, must somehow be affecting Rachel too.

Even Billy looks a little worse for the wear, I notice at the dinner table. All of them pick a little at the food and eat sparingly. Something is definitely wrong. Jake usually eats like a hog. Charlie and Jeanette carry most of the conversation while the Blacks seem distracted.

"Help me clear the table, Jake," I tell him. Dinner is over, and the Bulls game is about to start. Charlie will be thoroughly distracted, and a joint might help me get through the rest of this weird fucking day.

We leave the dishes stacked and soaking in the kitchen sink. I grab my bag, and he follows me out of the house, across the lawn, and into the woods.

Years ago, Alice and I found a nice little spot buried just far enough into the trees to hide us from view of anyone in the yard. We called it "The Think Tank" and used it as hideout from grown-ups. Now we use it as a smoke hole when Charlie is home.

Jake sinks to the ground, mindless of the wetness covering the forest bed. I find a semi-dry spot as close as possible and sit carefully.

"Is something wrong with Billy?" I blurt.

I can't help it. Asshole or not, Jake and his family are my family, too.

He sighs as he pulls his knees up and rests his elbows on them. His hands are clasped, and he's twisting his fingers insistently.

"Dad is fine," he mutters. "Pissed at me, but he's fine." He turns to look directly at me before he continues. "I fucked up, Bells. I'm in trouble."

"Do you owe Embry again?" He and Embry are friends, but business is business. Jake got a little behind once, and Embry wasn't very understanding.

"I wish," he huffs.

I light the joint and inhale deeply. Maybe some weed will loosen his tongue. He looks surprised when I offer it to him, but he only hesitates a moment before taking it from me. We pass it back and forth a few times before he speaks.

"Maria is pregnant."

I choke a little. _Holy shit. _

I don't want to be mean, but I have to ask. Maria is skank, and she isn't really selective about her bed partners. As evidenced by the gonorrhea.

"Is it yours?"

"She's four months along. She couldn't keep it a secret from her parents anymore. She's starting to get fat. She told them last week right before she showed up on my doorstep with her father. I asked her if it was mine. She said she is almost positive it is."

Almost positive. ALMOST positive.

I'm doing the math in my head, and I'm startled.

"You fucked her again after the whole gonorrhea debacle?" I want to be sympathetic, I do, but damn. The boy is composed of sheer stupidity. "Speaking of, has she been to a doctor? Is there any proof she's really pregnant?" I can't stop ranting at him. "No wonder Billy and Rachel look like Hell warmed over. How in the hell are you going to pay for a kid, Jake?" He looks miserable, but I don't let it slow me down one bit. "You were supposed to go to school, Jake. Jesus! You're not even out of high school. You're going to be a dad before you even graduate." _Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"It might not be mine," he insists. "Even if it is, I don't want any part of it. I'm going to college. I'll get a part-time job, send her money, whatever, but I don't want this kid."

I don't know how to respond. Part of me wants to call him more names and be mean. He deserves it. But he looks like he wants to cry, and he's still the same boy who carried me to Charlie after I fell out of a tree when I was six.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I whisper. "Not for yelling at you, but sorry this happened." I'm sorry for his family and sorry for his kid.

We finish the joint in silence. It's starting to get dark, and I know Charlie and Jeanette will have to leave soon, since both are working tonight. In all honesty, I'm ready for Jake to be gone. He's going to need all the friendship and support he can get in the near future, and I just don't know if I can salvage any for him. Or if I even want to.

He's shuffling a few feet behind me when we break the tree line. I stop in my tracks. Charlie is on the back porch talking to Edward.

My steps quicken, and I reach them just as Edward turns to face me. I throw myself at him, and he wraps his arms around me tightly.

Three days is way too long. I haven't seen him since Saturday night, and I've missed him so much. This is exactly what I wanted for Christmas. Just to see him and have him here, even if it is a complete surprise.

"Mmmmm. I missed you," I whisper against his neck.

He kisses my temple, but doesn't reply. I back out of his embrace to look at his face. He glances down at me, before glaring at Jake.

_Oh, no._

I rack my brain, trying to remember if I told him the Blacks always spend Christmas with us. I meant to tell him last night, but I was sleeping.

Charlie is more composed than I am, so he handles introductions. Jake and Edward acknowledge the gesture with brief nods. Standing between the two boys on Earth who have seen me naked is getting really weird, really fast. Edward is tense beside me with his arm wrapped around me protectively. Jake looks like he wants to disappear, which is what I want too. I want them all to disappear so I can be alone with Edward.

Of course, it can't be that simple. Charlie isn't leaving until the game is over which means Jake and the rest of the gang are hanging around too. Rachel gives Edward a nasty look as I introduce him as my boyfriend. I ignore her and turn to Jeanette. She is very sweet to Edward and soon they're talking about hospital life.

Jake leans his head and pretends to watch TV, but I know he's listening. I could write a book about Jake's tells. I snort a little. Edward's hand tightens around my own.

This is all so very bad. My boyfriend and I are hanging around with my ex on Christmas. My very jealous boyfriend. I try to think of a way out of this, but my brain is addled. I've got nothing.

_Pie. _

"Edward, let's get some pie," I whisper. I plead with my eyes because in the kitchen, we can at least be alone.

He follows me and as soon as we're out of sight, I spin around and pull him close. He laughs and folds his arms around me. I love the way my head tucks perfectly in the crook of his neck. And God, but he smells good. Fall spicy and cinnamon with a touch of smoke.

"I'm sorry I didn't mention that Jake would be here. I didn't really think much of it because it's always been that way," I try to explain.

"I don't care about that," he says, his eyes earnest. "I know how they are with Charlie. I just don't like the…_idea _of you being alone with him."

"You don't trust me?" I whisper. I am wavering between hurt and anger.

He holds me as I try to back away. "I don't trust _him. _I saw the way he grabbed you in the record store, Bella."

"Edward, believe me, I am the last thing on Jake's mind right now." I lean around the door frame to make sure no one is close enough to overhear. "Jake got himself into some pretty deep shit. I'll explain more when they're all gone."

I pull him farther away from the door. "Now, can we please stop talking about Jake and kiss? I haven't seen you in three days," I whine.

I push him against the counter and press my body against his. Then his hands are on my hips and mine are in his hair. His arms curve over my own as he leans down to kiss me. Being wrapped up in him like this is perfect. His lips are sweet first, then demanding, and soon I want to drag him up to my room.

Rachel interrupts our reunion by clearing her throat loudly and asking for a slice of pie.

Edward tries to engage her in polite conversation, but her answers are as clipped as her eyes are frosty. She stays in the kitchen, nibbling at her pie, until Jake comes to collect her.

Charlie is finally leaving for work. _Hallelujah._

Edward offers to help Jake with Billy, and I swear if it's possible, I love him a little more for it. He may be a jealous ass, but his heart more than makes up for it.

He laughs when I tell him this after everyone is gone.

"You give me too much credit," he says. "I just wanted them to get the hell out of here so we could be alone."

I roll my eyes as I turn off the overhead light. I've left the Christmas tree lights on, and they're blinking softly in the corner. I have the remote in hand, ready to start a movie, but he stops me.

"I brought one present for you tonight. I know we said were going to exchange with my family when you come back on Thursday, but it is Christmas Day, and I couldn't show up empty handed," he says holding up a wrapped gift.

I sit next to him on the sofa before tearing into the glossy red paper.

"Oh!"

One hand comes up to cover my open mouth as the other cradles a four by six silver picture frame. There's a picture of me and Edward in it. It must have been taken by Esme in their kitchen. In it, we're standing next to each other with our heads turned, facing each other.

I don't know if I've ever seen myself this happy before. In pictures or in real life. I run my fingers lightly across the glass before placing the picture on the table.

He smiles when I place my hand on the back of his neck and pull him to me.

"I love it," I breathe.

"I love you." His voice is quiet, tender.

"I know," I tell him, running my thumb along the stubble on his cheek. "I love you, too."

He smiles and pulls me closer. "Promise?" The word is a whisper against my lips.

"Always."

_Forever_ may not be a possibility. We're only sixteen. I won't pretend the odds are in our favor. But he's taken over my heart so completely, I can't imagine him ever being gone from it. Always loving him will be the easiest promise I'll ever have to keep.

**A/N- Your eyes are not deceiving you. The chapter song was indeed Metallica. **

**I don't want to bore you with descriptions of all the movies mentioned in this chapter. _The Last Boy Scout _stars Bruce Willis and Damon Wayans. I can only describe it as a quintessential violent guy flick. Not really Alice's speed. **

**I dated (and I use the term "dated" loosely because we were both 15 and neither of us could drive at the time) a guy who took me to see _Cape Fear _seven times. **

**To the folks who received review/teaser replies: I'm sorry! I really did hope to update early this week, but my 5th grader is having serious issues with Math. **

**I'm also halfway through a oneshot for a contest that is due soon. The next chapter may have a small delay. But here's a hint… **

**The song for the next chapter is "All Night Thing" performed by Temple of the Dog. **

**You know what that means…**


	10. Chapter 10

**S Meyer owns Twilight. My sister and I own tickets to see **_**Breaking Dawn**_** tonight at midnight. She checked this over for me, but as always, any mistakes are mine. *Minor drug use, underage drinking, and, yes, sexy times.* **

Chapter 10

_If it's an all night thing_

_Nobody is gonna make it end_

_And if it don't begin_

_Don't worry that I'll take offense_

_And if it's an all night thing_

_And we fall like a tear falling_

_To the ground_

_I'll never come around_

_And you'll never hear a word from me_

_If it's an all night thing_

_(All Night Thing- Temple of the Dog)_

_-o-  
><em>

"There is no way I can accept this," I tell Edward, shoving the newly opened gift into his lap.

"Of course you can, Bella," Carlisle insists. "It's from all of us. Even Emmett."

I shake my head. A Kenwood car stereo with a CD player is too much. Even if they did split the cost. They each gave me individual gifts as well.

"Bella, come on. It isn't like we bought a system. There are no new speakers or subs. No boom boom," Emmett says. "Stop screwing up Christmas."

"Emmett, Christmas was three days ago," I remind him. I exhale and hesitantly take the box from Edward. It isn't fancy. Just a radio and CD player. Arguing is pointless. I'm outnumbered by several of the most stubbornly kind people I've ever known.

"Thank you," I mumble.

Emmett jumps up from his seat on the couch and snatches the stereo from my grasp. "Excellent."

He and Edward are confident they can install it. I toss them the keys without a second thought because the current stereo in that truck is junk, and I have nothing to lose.

"Is your mom back?" Esme asks as we settle in to watch some random movie on _Lifetime. _She's obsessed with this channel. I can't stand it because of the recurrent "damsel in distress" and "woman scorned" themes. But if I have to choose between this or standing in the rain watching the guys install a car stereo…well, bring on the bad TV.

"She got in late last night."

Esme just nods distractedly, staring at the television.

I stayed up way too late last night talking and opening gifts with Renee. It catches up to me, and I can't keep my eyes open.

The sound of Emmett's laughter wakes me. When I'm finally able to focus, I see Edward and Emmett standing in front of me.

"Crap," I mumble, stretching a little. A glance at the clock shows an hour has passed.

"Let's go for a ride," Emmett says.

The last thing I want to do is vacate my toasty spot on the sofa, but they both look like two kids who just got a present instead of giving one. I hold my hands out to Edward, and he dutifully pulls me from the couch.

Thankfully, the rain has stopped. It is even colder now than earlier. It's probably a good thing Charlie put chains on the tires a couple of days ago.

I'm not fully awake yet, so I let Edward drive. We take Emmett home, and I compliment them the entire way. The CD player sounds perfect.

It's dark when we get back to Edward's house. I snatch a brownie from a plate on the counter as we walk through the kitchen.

I stop him when he reaches for the TV remote. I pull him onto the bed with me and cuddle against him. There are only three days left until New Year's Eve, and there are still a few _details _we need to discuss.

"I guess you probably know I'm on the pill," I begin. He's seen me take them enough. It's part of my routine. Ten o'clock every night. Location doesn't matter. They're with me all the time.

He grins a little as he nods.

"I think we should still use condoms." His smile disappears with my words, turning into a slight frown.

"Is this about Jake?" he asks quietly.

I think of Jake's current situation. An unplanned pregnancy is the last thing I want. I love Edward, and he loves me, but I have no desire to be a mother. Not now, maybe not ever.

"Yes."

Something crosses his face. Hurt? He swallows before speaking, "Bella, I would never, ever cheat on you."

He sounds so wounded and, for a second, I'm confused. Until I realize he thinks I'm worried about gonorrhea or some kind of STD. I never did get a chance to tell him about the Maria scandal on Christmas. We were…busy.

"Oh God, no!" I nearly shout. "I'm not worried about that at all. I trust you, Edward. I forgot to tell you Maria is pregnant."

He is stunned silent.

"I don't want to take any chances. The pill is only ninety-nine percent effective and condoms are only ninety-seven percent effective. Abstinence is the only thing guaranteed to prevent it, and we both know _that_ option sucks," I pause, giving him a pointed look. "If we use both, we should be one hundred and ninety-six percent protected."

"I'm not sure the theory is sound, but I understand what you're saying," he says carefully. "If we are going to have this conversation, you should know that even if, somehow, the one hundred and ninety-six percent theory is proved false, I would take care of you."

"That's fine and dandy and noble of you, Edward," I tell him, squeezing his hand. "And I love you, but I really have no desire to repeat my mom's mistakes."

"Don't say things like that. You are not a mistake." He punctuates his words by holding me a little tighter.

"You know what I mean," I whisper. "I don't want that, Edward. I wanted to judge Jake for saying he didn't want his kid, but I know deep down I would feel the same way. Does that make me a terrible person?"

I've been thinking about this for the last few days. It's been eating away at me, really.

"No," he whispers. "I can't think of anyone who would want a child as a teenager, Bella. We'll be responsible. Double protection is not a big deal. I'm just glad this isn't a trust issue."

"Of course it isn't." The idea of Edward cheating is ridiculous. The boy is afraid to fuck his own girlfriend. And that's okay. Once we get the first time out of the way, I'm not going to let him dictate our sex life. Renee goes to the gym three times a week. She never comes home early, and there is a lock on my bedroom door. Hopefully, if the sex is good, he'll forget all of his reservations.

_Speaking of good sex. _

"I'm a little nervous," I whisper. I tuck my head into my favorite spot just below his jaw. "I never, well, you know," I pause. Jesus, it shouldn't be so hard to talk about this. "I never had an orgasm before you."

"But you had sex." He sounds confused.

"I did. I never said it was good sex."

"Bella, I think you should explain what you mean by that because I don't want to misinterpret that statement. Right now, I want to drive to LaPush and beat the shit out of Jacob."

"He didn't hurt me, Edward." It really sucks that the only time Jake ever touched me in anger, happened to be in front of Edward. "Jake is a jackass, but he isn't a monster."

He huffs, so I slap his chest.

"It didn't last long. It didn't feel bad, it just didn't feel good." I'm searching for the right words. This is so hard to explain to a guy. Alice and Carmen knew exactly what I meant when I said the same thing to them.

"He didn't _notice_? I mean, wouldn't he be able to tell?"

"I guess not," I mutter. This is the part I don't want to explain."I faked it."

_So fucking embarrassing. _

He is silent. Absolutely silent. His chest moves beneath me. Then, the snickers begin. Soon, both of us are laughing.

"Where could you have possibly learned to fake it if you'd never had one?" He's still laughing a little.

"Cinemax."

"Oh, God," he says, smiling and shaking his head. "I want to see it."

"What? No!"

"Please," he whispers against my ear. Every hair on the back of my neck stands on end.

His fingers trail up my arm so lightly, it almost tickles.

"I can't," I tell him. "It's embarrassing." Especially out of context. I may be a little brave with the lights off, but I am not interested in recreating the diner scene from _When Harry Met Sally._

He kisses my neck, letting his stubble scrape lightly against my skin. Compromise. Maybe we can compromise.

"I'll show you eventually. You already know what my real ones look like. Isn't that enough?" I stall, hoping he will forget.

"Promise me you won't fake it with me," he whispers.

_Well, damnit. _

I am really hoping it won't be a problem. I want the sex to be really good for both of us, but Carmen and Alice have assured me that when it comes to sex and orgasms, it is a hit or miss type thing for girls. They also pinky swear sex will feel good once I have time to enjoy it, whether the BigO happens or not.

"Okay," I agree. Honesty is a key component of a good relationship. _Cosmo _says so. And I cannot even imagine how _guilty_ lying to Edward would make me feel.

-o-o-o-o-o-

In fifth grade, I had a huge crush on Tyler Crowley. Now, he's the quarterback for Forks High. Back then, he was just a cute sixth grader who smiled at me on the bus occasionally. At the end of the year, there was a fifth/sixth grade field trip to Bogachiel State Park.

Tyler sat near the trash cans with a group of his classmates. I caught him looking at me more than once. Alice picked up on it right away and dared me to walk over to say hello. Since it was his last year at Forks Elementary, I decided to take the dare.

I gathered all of my trash and slowly walked over to the cans. Quick, furtive glances revealed that he was watching me. Just as I tossed my bag into the trash, Emmett walked by and farted.

Everyone heard it. A hundred little heads turned just in time to hear Emmett say, "Ewww, Bella. That was nasty," as he covered his nose and waved his hand like a fan.

I was mortified. Emmett totally ruined my mojo.

Some things never change.

Emmett's parents were invited by mutual friends to attend the party with Edward's parents on New Year's. So, Emmett has decided to have a little party of his own. He says Edward and I are assholes if we don't at least make an appearance.

By the time I arrive, I'm forced to park a block away. Edward has been here for a couple of hours helping Emmett move stereo equipment and lock up everything breakable.

I can hear "Brass Monkey" as I reach the end of the drive. This is going to be a nightmare. Emmett is much friendlier than I am, and there are going to be some assholes here; I just know it. I look for Leah's Civic, but I don't see it. She promised she and Carmen would stop by after a quick trip to Embry's.

I'm on my own. Well, Edward is here, but he's inside. I don't think I've ever shown up at a party alone. I debate over knocking.

_Screw it. _

I open the front door wide and march in like I own the place. I'm Emmett's best girl friend and I've been over here a dozen times. A few of those times, Emmett was on the brink of passing out as I attempted to get him to the door, but they count.

The family room is dark, and all of the light fixtures have black lights temporarily in place. Great. Now, I'm glowing. There are a few faces I recognize from school, but the one I want, I can't find.

I make my way into the kitchen and promptly wish I hadn't. Heidi, Tanya, and Irina are standing in a semi-circle around Ben watching him like he is the second coming of Christ. He isn't tall, but he's stocky. His hunter green Polo is starched and tucked into a pair of Lucky jeans. The brown leather of his belt matches his boots perfectly. I can smell _Obsession _from where I'm standing.

"Hey, Bella," he pushes away from the counter he has been leaning against. He brushes past Tanya and Heidi and stops once he has breached what I consider to be my personal space. I smile and inch back. "Just get here?"

Heidi, Tanya and Irina are annoyed. Every one of them is glaring at me behind Ben's back. I smirk.

"Yeah, I took a nap and overslept a little. Have you seen Edward or Emmett?"

He smiles a little. "Emmett's upstairs."

Great. Emmett is upstairs getting his rocks off with some random ho, and I'm stuck here, at his stupid party, when I could be alone with Edward.

_Asshole. _

"Here," Ben says, as he reaches into the fridge. "Have a beer."

"I don't like beer."

"Suit yourself." He kills the last of the open beer in his right hand, tosses the bottle into the trash, and then opens the one he intended for me. "How did you do on the last test Anderson gave us?"

_Really?_ He wants to talk American History?

"Um, I aced it," I mumble. "What about Edward?" I don't want to be rude; I just want to see my boyfriend.

"Haven't seen him," Ben says smoothly.

Irina steps up next to him, facing me. "He's downstairs. I just came up a few minutes ago."

I turn to the door leading down to the basement.

"Not much for conversation is he?" Her voice is light and airy.

I bristle. Edward isn't Jake, but I wouldn't hesitate to compare Irina to Maria. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of letting her freak me out.

I turn to her, grin wickedly and reply, "He only likes smart girls." Then, I give her a quick wink and hurry down the stairs.

My hands are shaking a little and by the time I reach the bottom of the stairs, I'm a little out of breath, and I hate Irina's guts. The fact she even noticed Edward bothers me.

Mr. McCarty converted the basement into a den not long after they moved in. I relax a little when I spot Edward sitting next to Alec on the leather sofa. They're playing some alien video game. Jane waves from her perch on the La-Z-Boy recliner before lowering her hand to twirl a strand of her white blonde hair around her finger.

Edward kills his character and tosses his controller to Alec. He stands, stretching a little, and allowing me a glimpse of his happy trail. I flush, thinking of what is at the end of that happy trail. He smiles as he approaches, and I'm thinking we should get the hell out of here.

His flannel is soft and warm. Then his lips are too. He tastes like beer and Trident and he's scruffy and I love him.

"How long do we have to stay?" I ask the moment he stops kissing me.

"You just walked in," he teases.

"To the lions' den," I add. "What did Irina want?"

He tilts his head looking confused.

"Cheerleader girl? Long, blonde hair, red sweater dress?"

Finally, it clicks. "Oh, Ben's girl," he says. "She was trying to bum a smoke, and it sounded like she was fishing for weed."

I huff. "She wishes she could be Ben's girl. Rumor has it, he isn't interested. Trust me. Angela runs the Ben Cheney gossip chain. Irina probably thought getting him stoned would make her seem more appealing." It is a mean thing to say, and I know it, but I don't like the idea of her sniffing around Edward for any reason.

"She seems nice, Bella."

She didn't seem very nice upstairs a few minutes ago, but I keep it to myself because I don't want to sound like a jealous girlfriend. Irina is probably harmless. I'm just being paranoid and possessive.

I choose not to argue. Instead, I lean in and whisper, "Can we go out front and wait for Carmen and Leah? They're bringing me a quarter. If we smoke early, we'll be clear headed _later._"

I want to be one hundred percent in my head when we finally have sex. There will be plenty of opportunities in the future for stoned, horny sex. Tonight should be special since it will be his first real time.

We run into Felix and a couple of the older metal heads. It completely surprises me when Edward does a sort of clap handshake half hug thing with one of them. He is senior, I know that much. I've seen him around, but I've never seen him with Edward.

"Bella, this is Sam. He's Emmett's neighbor."

Oh, he's one of the basketball guys. Edward told me they play against some of the neighborhood kids.

I wave and smile a little.

"Now I understand why Edward is always MIA," he grins.

And there's the guilt trip. I have tried to convince Edward to spend more time with his friends, but he is content with his nose buried in a book or in my boobs. Emmett still gripes at me even though they have a designated "bro" night every week. My hands are tied.

"You can't really blame me," Edward says as he wraps his arm around my waist. He spends a few minutes talking to Sam, and I keep my eyes open for my girls.

Charlotte is teetering down the stairs. Her hair is sticking out in every direction, and I'm pretty sure she has lost her bra. I feel a little sick when I see Emmett follow her down.

I move from Edward's light embrace, meeting Emmett as he reaches the bottom of the stairs.

"What did you do?" I demand. I love Em with all my heart, but one of these days, his dick is going to get him in trouble if he keeps sticking it in drunk girls.

"Relax," he grins. "Tonight wasn't the first time we've hooked up. _And_ she told me exactly what she was going to do to me long before she ever took her first shot."

I shake my head in wonder. I must be a BFF magnet for douchebags.

"What crawled up Bella's ass?" Carmen asks as she approaches.

Thank goodness the weed is finally here.

"Nothing," I tell her as I reach for the baggie in her hand. "Where can I roll this?" I ask Emmett.

"Dining room," he replies. "Did he send mine?"

"Yes," she answers. "He also sent an envelope for that Jane chick. Is she here?"

"Downstairs," I tell her. "We'll get her before we smoke. Let me roll a few."

Edward is still talking to Sam and Felix. His eyes find mine the moment I return to the room. I wave the baggie back and forth as I take a seat.

Leah sits next to me as Carmen and Emmett stand behind us. He tosses his dime on the table in front of me.

"Will you roll it all?" he asks, holding out a box of Zig Zags between his pointer and middle fingers.

I snatch it from him and listen to Leah ramble about some guy she met at Embry's. At some point, Edward and Sam move their conversation to the table and take the seats across from mine. I don't look up even though I can feel Edward watching me. Breaking up weed is hard work. I won't smoke seeds or stems. Ever.

I smack Emmett's hand when he reaches across me to pick up a fat one. "Wait!" There is no way in hell I am going to sit here rolling his shit while everybody else gets stoned.

"Yeah, Emmett," Leah scolds. "Where are your manners?"

Carmen giggles and offers me a sip from a bottle of strawberry Boone's. I chug a little and pass it to Leah.

By the time I'm done with Emmett's bag, there are several people standing around watching and waiting. Fucking vultures. Not one of them contributed a single bud. He may be content with letting these assholes smoke _his _weed, but I only roll one with my stash. I give it to Edward for safe keeping before I hook up Carmen and Leah.

"Next year, I'm giving you a bong for Christmas," I mutter to Emmett as I stand.

"My birthday is in February," he grins.

True. I'll have to convince Brent to do some shopping for me and Edward.

We smoke in the garage. Edward and I find a nice, quiet spot in the corner. I love watching his fingers curl to pinch the joint. His back is arched, and his jaw flexes as he inhales deeply. Smoking is a nasty, vile habit, but Edward makes it look sexy.

I run my fingers through his hair. I can't help it. It's so soft and crazy. Then his lips are on mine exhaling, and I'm breathing him in with the weed and the cinnamon. I exhale and he backs off, turning the joint and placing it on my lip. I've never tried to shotgun before, so I'm understandably nervous. He made it look so easy.

I toke it and step up on my toes, brushing my lips across his before I blow gently into his mouth.

"It's like watching soft porn," Carmen murmurs, dragging my attention away from Edward.

"That was hot in a totally gross way," Leah concurs.

Oh, man. Edward and I are turning into Alice and Jasper. And strangely…I don't give a shit. I kiss him quickly before handing him the joint. Our PDA is too much for Carmen and Leah, so I point Jane out to them, and they leave us in peace.

I am way more interested in Edward than smoking. We could borrow the spare bedroom, have a little pre-game show. A warm up. Baseball players like to warm up. I think.

"We are not leaving right now," he says, laughing. I hate it when he reads my mind. He can tell everything I'm thinking with one look. It's hardly fair. "We can't drive." His hands lower, and he grabs my ass, pulling me closer. Since I probably am too stoned to drive, I let him kiss me and hold me and grope my ass for as long as he wants.

Party goers are wandering back into the house in search of booze and booty. Leah interrupts us, begging Edward to distract Sam long enough for her and Carmen to make a getaway. They promised to hook up with the Forks posse before midnight, which means they need to hit the road soon. Sam seems smitten with Leah and begs her for her number as Edward steers him away from us.

"Oh, thank God," she says the moment the door closes behind them. "Dude would NOT take a hint."

"I thought he was kind of cute," Carmen winks.

"Sure, sure…if I want a guy who will serenade me with Tesla songs." Leah is picky. Very picky. "Enough about Sam. Are you ready for tonight?" She looks at me expectantly.

"Stupid question," Carmen interrupts. "Obviously they're both ready. Did you shave? Trim all the hedges?"

"What the fuck kind of question is that? Of course I shaved. Don't be a dumbass." I love them, but it is time for them to leave. The sooner they go, the sooner I can convince Edward to go.

"Just checking," she giggles. "Need condoms? I have some in my bag."

"No." I shake my head. "Edward took care of it. We're good."

_If this is how I make Emmett feel, he should have told me to fuck off a long time ago. _

"You should probably do something to _relieve _things before you try to hit it." Carmen is straight-faced and serious for the moment.

It takes me a moment to figure out what she means. "Oh!"

"Yeah, O. That's the goal, but don't freak out if it doesn't happen. Getting him off first will probably help him last longer for the real deal. Give him a blow job then let him return the favor."

_No fucking way. _I don't want Edward's face anywhere near my pussy. That's just weird. I don't think he has ever done that before. I managed to avoid oral with Jake, and I haven't really considered doing it with Edward.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I hedge.

"Jesus, Bella," Leah says, clearly exasperated. "It isn't hard. You just put it in your mouth and do what comes naturally. You will be able to tell what he likes by listening to him. If he says 'ow,' you're doing something wrong." She should know. There is an invisible fortress around her hymen which has been maintained by her enthusiasm for blow jobs. She does not want to waste her virginity on a "teenage jackass" like the rest of us have.

"_Spunk_ and _funk_ rhyme for a reason, Bella," Carmen interjects. "Make sure you take a can of Coke upstairs with you."

"Go," I tell them, shooing them away with my hands. "You're not helping."

"Love you," Leah calls over her shoulder as they walk towards the street.

"I bet. Happy fucking New Year, bitches," I yell.

Damn. Those two idiots spoiled my high. Now, I am nervous about all the things I hadn't considered about tonight. This isn't like buying a sweater. I can't take this back or undo it once it happens. I regret everything about having sex with Jake. I don't ever want to feel that way about Edward or what we do tonight.

I am ready. I can stand here, second guessing myself all night, and it won't change a thing. I've been his since the moment he hugged me in the Safeway parking lot. I may not have realized it at the time, but it is true.

I find him in the kitchen with Emmett, Charlotte, Alec, and Jane.

"What happened to Sam?" I ask.

"He and Felix are downstairs gaming." Edward lifts his arm as I step up beside him. "He wants Leah's number."

"Not going to happen."

"I said the same thing," Emmett laughs.

I catch Edward's eye. "It is after eleven," I tell him. I don't say _take me home so we can be naked at midnight, _although it is clearly implied.

His arm tightens around my shoulder. "Em, we're going to go before the crazies hit the road. Her dad thinks she is at her mom's house tonight and we don't need a traffic accident to prove otherwise."

Impressive. Emmett cowers at the slightest mention of the Chief, and Edward knows it. He effectively cut off any of Em's potential arguments for us to stay.

We say our goodbyes quickly, and we are almost out of the kitchen when Emmett's booming voice stops me dead in my tracks.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do, kids." Then he bursts into a fit of laughter. He has had way too much to drink, and it seems he is cracking himself up.

"Is someone staying to make sure he doesn't choke on his vomit?" Edward asks.

Charlotte raises her hand drunkenly. Alec tells Edward to go. He and Jane are crashing here tonight.

Edward stops to say goodbye to Ben and a couple of other people on our way out. He is far too calm and collected. I feel like there are butterflies Sumo wrestling in my stomach. The only anchor I have is his hand around mine, strong and sure. It keeps me grounded, here in the right now, instead of the _what ifs _of ten minutes from now.

He walks me to my truck. I tell him it's ridiculous as we pass the Volvo, but he insists. By the time he helps me into the cab, I'm trembling. He notices.

"Hey." He picks up my hand, shaking it lightly. "No weirdness, remember?"

I nod. It's _our _rule.

As I wait for him to get back to the Volvo, I roll the window down, letting the cool air fill the cab. Edward pulls away from the curb, and I follow him until we reach his house. He meets me at my truck and reaches in to get my bag. We enter the house through the garage and then pause at the bottom of the stairs.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?" he asks.

"I'll uh…" Spunk and funk. Stupid Carmen. "I'll have a Coke."

He comes back from the kitchen with two. I take one from him and wait for him to make a move.

"Bella," he says, taking my free hand. "If you've changed your mind, if you're not ready…we can wait. It doesn't have to be tonight." He kisses my cheek. "As long as you let me hold you all night and wake up with you tomorrow, I'll be happy."

He always seems to know exactly what I need to hear.

I don't think I've ever heard the Cullen house this silent. Our footsteps echo on the hard wood stairs. He flips on the light as we enter his room. My eyes settle on a wrapped gift centered on his perfectly made bed.

I glance at him, brows raised.

"Go ahead," he tells me, shrugging in the direction of the gift.

I walk to the bed as he drops my bag near the door. It's a VHS. I can tell by the shape and the way it feels in my hands.

"You're spoiling me," I tease.

He smiles. "Open it."

I tear into the paper. _Edward Scissorhands. _My favorite movie. He knows me so well.

"You know I am going to make you watch this with me."

"I know." He never bitches about the girly movies I make him watch. I'm not nearly as nice when he picks Jean-Claude Van Damme on movie night.

He moves to the stereo and puts a tape into the deck.

"No CDs?" I'm curious. Edward loves to pick five and random play.

"No, not tonight. I made a tape."

_He made a tape. _

He made a mixed tape. For me. For this. It is by far the sweetest damn thing anyone has ever done for me.

Led Zeppelin floods the speakers. He wraps me up in his arms and starts swaying gently, side to side until we are dancing.

We only make it through two songs. Then, I take his glasses and place them on his desk. He stands absolutely still as I move my fingers to the buttons of his flannel. I open them one by one and then push it from his shoulders. I tug on the hem of his white t-shirt and he bends so I can pull it off.

He places both hands on my waist, slipping them beneath my sweater. He pushes it up and off while ghosting his fingers along every inch of skin in his path. He pauses to take in the white satin and lace I picked out just for him.

I want him to know I haven't changed my mind. I tell him with my fingers as I brush them across the hardness beneath his zipper. He swallows as I unbutton his Levi's. I watch as he toes off his Vans and pushes the jeans down over his hips.

Then he leans forward and kisses me. I can feel his hand on my jeans and his skin against my chest, and I want more. I want it all.

He turns off the light as I kick off my shoes and my jeans. His blinds are open, and his room is washed with a soft lavender glow. My instinct is to dive under the blanket before taking off the rest, but I bought this bra and panty set specifically for him. Another Christmas gift of sorts.

I let him look. When that's not enough, I let him touch me. He unhooks my bra, pulling it away from my body. Then I'm drowning in his skin.

I object when he lifts me onto the bed, until he follows me, and every inch of me is touching part of him. I don't think the spunk thing is going to be an issue tonight. I don't think this can wait another minute.

"You first," he says as he pulls away long enough to peel the white satin down my legs. His words have double meaning. I close my eyes and relax against Edward's pillow as he runs his hand up my thigh.

His lips are on my neck when he slides in one finger, then two. My breath catches as he drags his lips lower and lower until they finally settle on my nipple. He shifts his hand as he draws me in with his teeth and tongue.

I let it wash over me, making all the noises I've had to muffle over the last few months. Then his fingers are gone. By the time I open my eyes, his boxers are gone, and he is sitting at the edge of the bed tearing into a condom wrapper.

I turn my head to give him privacy and to keep myself from freaking out.

The mattress shifts, and he kisses me as he covers me.

I reach between us, positioning him and raising my hips. His head drops to my shoulder as he eases himself inside.

It's a little uncomfortable, and I tense before I can stop myself. He freezes before lifting his head to look at my face. He looks worried, so I kiss him and wiggle a little. He can be a gentleman some other time.

He takes the hint, and the more he moves, the better it feels.

His palms and forearms support his weight as his lips hover above mine. Kissing, whispering, groaning, and I can hardly believe this is real. He furrows his brow in concentration and bites down hard on his bottom lip.

He is fighting it. I can see it all over his face.

I don't feel cheated at all. He's already taken care of me.

"Your turn," I whisper, wrapping my leg around his waist.

"Fuck." It's a whisper. A curse. A plea. A concession.

Then he does. Harder and deeper than before, and I can't keep my eyes off his face. His hair is tangled across his forehead, his eyes scrunched closed, and his chest is moving against mine in the most heavenly way.

His rhythm falters as he shudders. Then his entire body tenses. Edward's O face is one of the hottest things I've ever seen. His jaw clenches, and he almost looks angry.

When it passes, he drops kisses along my neck and whispers how much he loves me. I run my fingers through his hair and tell him I love him back. Always.

**A/N: So, I've had enough "condom talk" for a while. From this point on, let's just assume they are using them unless/until I say otherwise. Condoms aren't sexy and neither is writing about them. **

"**Brass Monkey" is classic Beastie Boys and Calvin Klein owns **_**Obsession. **_

**In case anyone is wondering, Edward wears glasses because of **_**Myopia, **_**so, in other words, he's nearsighted. He can see Bella just fine without his glasses as long as he is up close and personal.**

**Any **_**Wonder Years **_**fans out there? My husband came across the entire series on Netflix the other day. We have been watching them (in order) since Monday. It's like déjà vu, I swear. Our kids are mesmerized by things like black and white TVs and portable eight track players. And, my poor son is yet another pre-pubescent boy fallen victim to the charms of Winnie Cooper. **

**Also, I went to that Chris Cornell show I mentioned a few chapters back. It was fantastic! At the end of the night, the bestie and I rushed the stage when he started shaking fans' hands.  
><strong>

**Thanks for reading!**

**-MSC**


	11. Chapter 11

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own two bottles of Christmas Plum from our local winery. Well, one of those bottles might be almost empty. Just sayin. **

**My sister is the best chick I know. She made this much prettier for you guys. **

Chapter 11

_Don't ask me_

_What you know is true_

_Don't have to tell you_

_I love your precious heart_

_I, I was standing_

_You were there_

_Two worlds collided_

_And they could never tear us apart_

_(Never Tear Us Apart- INXS)_

"Jesus," Alice says, clutching a pillow in her lap. "Was there a full moon on New Year's Eve? I mean, it's like my plane left Jackson and landed in the Twilight Zone." She pauses and rubs her forehead. "So, Mike and Jessica broke up?"

Carmen nods somberly. "It was awful. We were all up at the cliffs, laughing and drinking and smoking. He asked her to go for a walk. We assumed he wanted to get some nookie out in the woods. Instead, she came out screaming and crying and he just kept saying, 'I'm sorry' over and over. None of us knew what to do. We just sat there watching, like the world was ending."

I can imagine. There is a huge knot in my stomach, and I didn't even witness it. Mike and Jess are _that _couple. The couple that dates throughout high school, goes to prom together to be crowned as royalty, graduates, gets married, has 2.5 kids, and share a headstone.

Only…I guess they're not.

"And somehow in the midst of this drama, you got your first boyfriend," Alice leads.

Carmen huffs. "Garrett asked me right before it all went down. I was so shocked I answered 'yes' without even thinking."

"It really does seem like the Twilight Zone," Leah laughs. "Carmen has a boyfriend, and Bella is having sex."

I chuck the TV remote at her.

"Time to talk, Bella. We want the details and 'it was wonderful' is not an acceptable response," Alice demands.

I sigh. "I told you it was wonderful because it _was_ wonderful." It was the most beautiful night of my life, and I don't want to share it with anyone but Edward.

"Bella, come on. You've got this dreamy look all over your face just thinking about it," Leah says. "It must have been good."

"No," I tell them. "It was better than good. It was amazing."

"Did you at least get off?" Carmen asks.

"Yes! Are you happy?" I ask them. "He made sure I did before we even started."

"Dammit," she says, smiling and shaking her head. "I knew I should have made a move at the show."

"Carmen, you have your own boyfriend now and just a few weeks ago you thought Edward was a sex mutant," I remind her.

"I was just kidding. Sort of. Is he?"

"Carmen, he is not a mutant. His dick is perfect. Next topic."

"Come on, B," Leah begs.

They have no regard for privacy. I may as well stop stalling because they are not going to back down.

Alice sighs when I tell them about the mixed tape and the dancing. "That is so sweet," she coos.

I share the basics, keeping his sweet words and whispered promises to myself. The memory of falling asleep naked and wrapped around each other flits through my mind a hundred times a day.

Any concerns I had about morning after awkwardness were dispelled the moment I woke to his kisses and felt him slip inside me. He held me so close and wrapped his arms beneath my shoulders, cradling my head in his hands. It was slower than the first time, and he kissed me as he filled me, over and over again.

It was just perfect.

We made breakfast together in his mom's kitchen and for one moment, one crazy moment, I let myself imagine the two of us cooking together in our own place some day. It was a silly thing to do, and it scared the hell out of me. But it happened.

I don't say one word about it to the girls.

Spending the last Saturday night of winter break in Forks is a tradition. One I wasn't willing to break. So, I told Edward to make plans with the guys for tonight. Now, they're out having fun doing whatever it is guys do, and I'm stuck here with three nosy harpies.

The ringing doorbell provides me with an opportunity to escape. I snatch a twenty from my purse before unlocking and opening the door.

A blast of cold air assaults me, and I cross my arms over my chest. Edward's Pink Floyd tee and my flannel pajama pants are no match for the freezing temperature.

"Holy shit! Bella?"

_Wow. _

The years have been good to Tyler Crowley. He is taller than Emmett and bulkier than Jake with brown eyes that match the color of his dread locks.

_Wow. _

Tyler Crowley has dread locks. He was wearing Ralph Lauren from head to toe when I saw him last. Almost three years ago.

"Hey, Tyler." _There. I said it_. Dare completed. Check.

"You grew up," he says, smiling as he lowers a pizza bag from his shoulder.

I extend one arm to hand him the money. "Um…thanks?"

We swap cash for pizza, and I'm thankful for the warmth radiating from the boxes.

"Are you here in Forks much?" he asks as he rubs the back of his neck.

No way. I can see where this is going.

"Not much. My boyfriend and I stay busy in PA most of the time. I pop in to check on the old man every now and then." I back into the house slowly. "It was good to see you, Tyler."

"You too, Bella," he smiles, before walking to the minivan idling in the driveway.

I close the door with a swift kick before making my way into the kitchen. Leah and Carmen are already seated at the table. Alice is gathering Styrofoam plates and cans of Sprite.

"_My boyfriend and I stay busy in PA most of the time," _Carmen repeats in a high-pitched voice.

They all laugh.

"Fuck off," I mutter, placing the boxes side by side on the counter.

Alice holds out a plate, and I place one slice each of pepperoni and mushroom on it. She hands it to Leah. I make Carmen a "mushroom only" plate before getting pepperoni for myself.

"None of us have ever seen Tyler get shot down before," Alice explains. "We got a little excited and then BAM! You ruined the fun. You could have at least let him ask."

"So you guys could get your kicks by rejecting hot boys vicariously through me?"

"Exactly," Leah confirms.

"God, those dreads are so fucking hot," Carmen moans.

Every one of us nods, chewing quietly. To deny it would be a lie.

After dinner, we slip into sweatshirts and coats. If we sit on the porch, we'll freeze our asses off. Leah suggests a quick trip to the video store. I have a nice fat one rolled and ready to go.

The new releases are all checked out. We wander the aisles, stoned and giggling, and only half searching for a movie. We end up renting _Blue Velvet. _Again. Carmen springs for microwavable popcorn in the checkout line.

As much as I hate to admit it, this little break from Edward is just what I need. Everything is so intense with him, so real. It is easy to block out the rest of the world and forget that I had a life before him.

My New Year's resolution is to make it to Forks on my scheduled weekends. I've missed one and shortened a few since Edward and I started dating. Charlie must be sick of me showing up for dinner on Friday night, and then disappearing to Alice's house, only to cut out early on Saturday so I can get back to Edward. It isn't fair to my dad. So, I am determined to find some type of balance between my responsibilities and relationships in Forks and this overwhelming need to be with my boyfriend every second of every day.

I can talk tough and make plans, but when we get back to my house, I let the girls go up without me. I call him from the downstairs phone so I can hear his voice before bed.

The phone rings and rings. I glance at the clock before ending the call. It's only 10:30. On a Saturday night. And he's with Emmett.

They're probably sitting around baked, playing some lame-ass video game in Emmett's basement. I could call Em, but fuck would it make me look pathetic. I heat the popcorn, melt butter in a pan, and try not to stew over what the guys might be up to.

I hold the phone receiver in my lap through the entire movie, glancing down at it every now and then, expecting him to call.

We're all passed out cold when he does. At 1:30. In the morning.

"Hello?" I whisper shout, trying not to wake the girls and trying to wake up myself.

"Hey, baby," Edwards says brightly.

I stumble over Leah's boots, nearly falling on my face, before finally reaching the door. "Hang on," I whisper. I tiptoe down the stairs to peek out the front blinds. Charlie is still not home.

I curl up on the couch, huddling under a thick fleece blanket. "How was your night?" I ask.

He laughs. "It's good. Really good. We went to Aaron's house and did whiskey shots with a bunch of the juniors."

_Oh_.

The sound of retching in the background distracts him. "Damn, dude, that's fucked up. Are you okay?" I hear him say.

"Shit. Em just passed out in my bathtub," Edward laughs.

"How is it Em passed out, and you're still standing?" I ask him.

"I told him, Bella. I said 'Beer before liquor, never been sicker' and he didn't listen. And now? Now who is sicker? Cause I'm not sick, baby."

"You're not really coherent either."

He laughs. "I love you," he tells me. "You're so smart and pretty. I love your brain. And your nipples."

I giggle hysterically. Edward is a rambler when he's drunk. It's adorable.

"Thanks," I say. "You have nice nipples too."

"Bella," he whines. "Come over. My bed smells like you, and I miss you. Wanna play with your nipples." He yawns.

"You can play with them tomorrow, drunkard. Go to bed. Make sure Emmett is propped up."

"Can't even take a cold shower or jack off," Edward mutters. "Are you sure you can't come over?" he begs. "I haven't seen you naked in a really long time."

"Liar," I goad. "You saw me naked Friday morning."

"Bella." His voice is serious. "Forty eight hours is a really long time."

My laughter is interrupted as Charlie comes through the front door. He lifts his eyebrows, but keeps walking until I hear him clomping up the stairs.

"Charlie just got home. There is no way he is going to let me drive to PA in the middle of the night."

"He would understand, Bella. He is a man, and your mom was hot. Is hot. Or I'm sure he thought she was hot. You KNOW what I mean."

Poor bastard. He needs to take some aspirin and go to bed.

"I know what you mean. You should get some rest so we can hang out tomorrow," I tell him gently.

"Bella, can we be naked when we hang out tomorrow?"

"Yes."

He tells me he loves me three more times. He calls me pretty and smart again. And he tells me my hair is his favorite thing in the world. He says he wants to sleep with his face in it every night. Then he passes out, and I hang up when he starts snoring.

-o-o-o-o-o-

I tease him mercilessly when he comes to pick me up at Renee's house on Sunday. He blushes and hushes me by pulling me into his lap and kissing me. His hand creeps under my shirt, and then he's proclaiming his love for my tits with his fingers.

"We should get drunk together," I tell him, shifting and pressing down against the bulge in his pants. "I want to hear more about how awesome my nipples are. Only, in person this time."

He groans. "I didn't mean to say that to you."

"But you don't deny you think they're awesome."

"Every part of your body is awesome."

The way he peels my clothes off slowly, licking his lips and letting his eyes sweep over my skin, almost convinces me it is. I still feel a little awkward in the light of day. Like every part of me, inside and out, is on display. I remind myself over and over that this is Edward. My Edward.

I try not to stare as he stands to undress, but he's mine, and I can't help it.

"And, yes," he says, settling on top of me. "I am particularly fond of these." He brushes his lips across my chest.

"Yeah?" I gasp. "They like you, too."

He laughs and instead of feeling stupid, I feel happy. Lucky to have such a great best friend and boyfriend all wrapped up in the same package.

"I love it when you smile," he says, trailing his fingers down my cheek. "You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

"Stop it," I glance down at his shoulder.

"Bella," he cups my chin gently, lifting my face. "I mean it. It was the first thought in my head when I saw your picture." He smiles ruefully. "I got this weird ache in my chest. I really didn't understand it at the time."

"So you liked me the entire time?"

"_Like _is a little weak for what I was feeling, Bella," he says, shifting his hips against mine.

I'm trying to concentrate on his words, but the feel of him against me in _my _bed, and the confession that he may have loved me all along, has made me impatient.

I lower my hand between us, rubbing my thumb on the underside of his dick, stopping midway and wrapping my fingers around it. I squeeze on the down stroke before bringing my hand up slowly. I pull gently, guiding him.

I smile at the tender way he moves. So slowly. So carefully. Watching my face for any signs of discomfort. Only this time, there isn't any.

He looks at me and grins, and I think my heart might explode.

Our kisses are sweet, growing into a slow-burning frenzy, much like his body against mine. I don't make it, but I don't fake it either.

After, I push his hand away gently, choosing instead to cuddle against him. Orange light is bleeding through the sheer, red curtains, and his hair is a myriad of color. Bronze. Brown. Gold.

I scratch my nails lightly, back and forth across the light smattering of hair on his chest.

"So, I noticed flyers for baseball tryouts in the halls the last week before break," I tell him.

"I saw them."

"You are going to try out, right?" I work hard to make my voice sound encouraging instead of frightened.

"I don't know yet."

"Edward," I begin, placing my chin on the back of my hand so I can look him in the eye. "You either want to play, or you don't."

"It's a little more complicated than that, Bella."

"You can tell me, you know." My voice is quiet, and I am trying to convince him with my eyes to finally just talk to me about this.

"I've heard Coach Banks is an asshole. Ben told us last night that Banks announced he is retiring this year. He wants to go out with a championship. He told last year's players to be prepared to work their asses off."

"And?" I'm not following.

"And, I don't know if I want to commit to something that will be so time-consuming."

"You've never had a problem before."

"I never had a girlfriend before either," he says, finally looking at me.

"I'm not going anywhere." I kiss his chest before laying my cheek on it. "We'll be fine."

"You're really okay with me playing?"

The doubt-filled hopefulness in his voice is killing me, so I swallow down my own insecurities. "I want you to be happy," I say.

It's the only way to answer without lying.

We're dressed and lounging on the couch when Renee comes home from the gym. He blushes and stutters a bit when she asks if he enjoyed his winter break. If she had any doubts about what went down New Year's Eve, she doesn't anymore. She gives me a quick _I-hope-you-know-what-you're-doing _look, before smiling and excusing herself for a shower.

We decide to leave and do some shopping before we go back to his house. Both of us received gift certificates for Christmas, so we hit the music store first. I let him wander the CDs, and we both make a few selections. Before leaving, I drag him to the back of the store. To the records.

I know it isn't going to be here, but I check every time I come in. Sometimes, people sell or trade old records for a store credit. I flip through the jazz selections, looking for the one little piece of my past I can't get back.

I've looked everywhere for the Louis Armstrong record my parents had when I was younger. Renee claims she left it at Charlie's. Charlie says he hasn't seen it in years. And I can't even buy a copy.

"No luck?" Edward asks, stepping up behind me and wrapping his arms around me.

"Nope," I sigh.

"We'll keep looking," he assures me.

The checkout lines are long. It seems everyone is doing after Christmas shopping this week. The sun is setting when we finally make it back to Edward's house.

His parents are unusually quiet during dinner. Afterwards, when Edward and I are ready to escape to his room, his father touches his arm and says, "Your mother would like a family meeting."

I turn to go up the stairs. My eyes close at the sound of Carlisle's voice. "You too, Bella."

I freeze_. They know._

Edward's guilty eyes meet my own for a brief second as he wraps his arm around me. We walk into the den, side by side, and sit on the couch across from Esme. He grips my hand, resting our knotted fists on his knee.

Carlisle follows with two glasses of wine in hand. He gives one to Esme before taking a seat in the recliner. This silence is unbearable. This is going to make Charlie's _weather_ talk look like a walk in park. I'm already so embarrassed I can't even speak.

"Bella?" Esme says. From her tone, I know she wants me to look at her instead of my knees. So, I drag my eyes up to meet hers. She is smiling, and it eases some of my worry.

"I want to thank you," she continues.

_Really? Did she just thank me for stealing her son's virginity?_

I have no idea what to say. Edward looks as puzzled as I feel.

"I've decided not to look for a job."

_What the fuck is she talking about? Are we in trouble, or not?_

"Mom." Edward has found his voice. "What does that have to do with me or Bella?"

We both relax, exhaling in relief.

"I am starting my own business, Edward. A catering business. Bella planted the seed in my head during our cooking lessons." She smiles at me. "You kept joking about me opening a restaurant." She shakes her head. "I think catering would be much more enjoyable for me. It's more…personal," she finishes.

"That's great," I tell her. "It would be perfect for you." I think of Halloween, and then I imagine it on a much grander, fancier scale.

"Well, I wanted to offer you both the chance to earn money. I will be spending two weeks in Seattle next month taking a cake decorating course. I can do that on the side for birthday parties and such. When I come back, I want to get things started. I will need help for events. Staff."

"I'd love to help, but I don't think I could take your money," I tell her.

"Nonsense," she clips. "It won't be easy work, Bella. Labor costs will be factored into estimates when I bid for jobs."

"That's really great news, Mom," Edward says, squeezing my hand a little. "But I am going to hopefully be really busy this spring."

The most beautiful smile lights her face as she leans forward. "Have you decided to play?"

"I have," he says.

Carlisle nods. "That's good news."

"He has to try out first," I say. I regret it immediately as three pairs of eyes glance at me in shock.

Carlisle laughs a little. "Yes, well, I don't think tryouts will be a problem."

Edward must be a good ball player. I wish I understood all those stats he was rattling off to Charlie the night they met. There are only two possible outcomes. In one, he tries out and doesn't make the team. I can only imagine how much it would upset him. And his parents. In the other, he plays baseball for PA High. With assholes like Royce King.

Edward and Carlisle discuss the date and times for tryouts. Carlisle wants to be there, if he can. Esme asks me to help her with dessert.

She takes several small plates from the cabinet before slicing a cheesecake.

"You never said if you want the job," she says sweetly. "I understand if you don't. The hours would be sporadic and mostly on the weekends. If you need a more stable source of income, I understand."

"Honestly, I haven't thought about getting a job. I didn't want to get one here, only to quit it when I go home to Forks for the summer." There is an unusual pang of disappointment when I think of being so far away. Normally, I count down the days until school gets out knowing I have Forks and my friends to go home to.

"I can be flexible with your schedule when you need to be in Forks. I don't expect you to work every single event with me. I'm hoping to find a few high school students who want a job that doesn't require them to work four or five days a week. I don't want to pressure you."

"It sounds great," I tell her.

Leah got a job working as a library page in Forks. She works three hours a day, four days a week. The idea of working a few hours, every now and then, sounds much better. I can quit babysitting. Not that I do it much anymore, but kids suck, and not doing it at all would be awesome.

Edward and I stay downstairs with them for a while. I have to leave the room when _Unsolved Mysteries _comes on the TV. I won't sleep for a week if I watch that show. He smiles as he follows me from the room.

"Shut up," I mumble.

He laughs. "I didn't say anything," he says innocently.

"You were making fun of me in your head," I tell him seriously.

"Baby," he says, tackling me to the bed. "I do lots of things to you in my head. _Heckling_ is not one of them." He sits up. "You on the other hand…" His brow creases as he looks down at me. "Are you honestly expecting me not to make the team?"

_Shit. Shit. Shit. _

I hurt his feelings. "I don't know anything about baseball, Edward. Most of the time, I read a book while Charlie watches the games. Your stats?" I pause, catching his eye. "I don't know what any of that stuff means. I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, laughing. "I don't get it. You get straight A's without cracking a book, yet you can't understand baseball."

"I have some kind of mental barrier when it comes to sports."

"Does that mean you won't come to my games?" All traces of laughter are gone. I hate the way he says it like he really thinks I won't.

"I'll be there for every single home game," I assure him. "I'll have to get permission for the away games. Maybe Charlie can catch a few with me."

He leans back against a stack of pillows, and I lean against him. He runs his fingers through my hair over and over as we talk about nothing and everything. He listens as I catch him up on the news from Forks. Retelling Mike and Jessica's story makes me feel awful all over again. So, I change the subject quickly and tell him about Carmen and Garrett.

"He's a backup pitcher for Forks," Edward says. "Did you know that?"

"No," I tell him. "How could you possibly know it?"

"He mentioned it the night of your birthday party."

God it seems like so long ago. So much has changed since that night. Especially with us.

"I thought we were busted," I tell him, remembering the panic I felt when Carlisle drafted me into attending the family meeting.

"I told them the truth when they asked me if you spent the night on New Year's, Bella," he says quietly.

"Oh my God," I whisper. "Does your mom think I am a ho?" I don't want Esme to think badly of me, but being angry isn't fair. I told Renee.

"No, of course not," he says irritably. "She thinks we're young, maybe too young to be fucking, but she knows we love each other. She has no idea about Jake or your past. Even if she did, she wouldn't think any less of you for it." He sighs. "My mom is not perfect, Bella. Trust me."

"Was your dad mad?"

"No, but I had to sit through another long talk about responsibility."

"Sorry."

"Don't be." He clears his throat. "So, uh, are we going to tell Charlie?"

"Hell no," I answer loudly. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Thank Christ," he mutters.

We make a pact to check our libidos at the Forks city limit. Charlie really likes Edward, and neither of us wants to jeopardize that.

He waits until the last possible minute to take me home. It sucks every time we have to part, but tonight seems worse. The last couple of weeks have been so great. I don't want him to leave. It is almost eleven on a school night, and I wish more than anything he could come in and sleep with me. Bury his face in my hair. Tuck me against him with his hand on my hip.

Instead, I say goodbye and tell him I love him.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The parking lot at PA High is crowded on Monday morning. Even Emmett lingers, not wanting to give up one precious moment of freedom.

Edward and I stay in the Volvo, hanging on to our quickly evaporating bubble of solitude. He kisses the Chapstick right off of me, making me hate my _no-fucking-in-a-car _rule. When the lot empties, we reluctantly join the multitude in the noisy halls of PAH.

We've walked hand in hand down these halls so many times, but this morning feels different. Call me paranoid, but it feels like dozen of eyes are sizing us up. Maybe the PDA at Emmett's house was too much. We stop by Coach Banks' office so Edward can add his name to the tryout list and pick up the necessary medical forms.

The morning is a blur. Mid-term exams are next week, so most of the teachers are reviewing and passing out study guides.

As I'm leaving American History, Ben Cheney tugs on my backpack to keep me in the classroom.

"Hey, Bella," he says cheerily.

_This is new._

"Hey."

"I was wondering-" He looks around, making sure the classroom is empty, and briefly checking the hall. "I missed three days after Thanksgiving break, and I am missing notes. You are probably the smartest person in this class, and I was hoping I could maybe borrow yours?"

He looks embarrassed. Maybe his inner jock doesn't like asking a _GIRL _for help.

"Sure," I tell him as I dig through my backpack.

"Thanks. You are a lifesaver." He smiles as I hand him the blue spiral notebook. "I'll give it back to you tomorrow."

I give him a wave and haul ass to Spanish. The last thing I need is a detention for being tardy. Edward isn't waiting outside the Spanish classroom when I arrive, and I hate that I missed him.

Charlotte won't make eye contact with me as she apologizes for getting so fucked up on New Year's. Like I'm one to talk. I lost my virginity in a junkyard while I was three sheets to the wind. Liquor makes me lose my head, which is why I stick with weed.

I give her the obligatory, all-inclusive Emmett warning. The same one I gave Carmen. "Just don't fall for him. He's a _playah._" Em's words, not mine. She laughs, but her eyes are sad. Sometimes, I want to punch Emmett in the nuts.

He is missing from our table when Edward and I arrive in the cafeteria.

"Why didn't you tell me Ben talked you in history?" Angela asks the moment I sit down.

"Jesus, Ang. He borrowed my notes. There was no real conversation." Her obsession is going to land her a one-way ticket on the crazy train if she doesn't back down a little.

Emmett walks in with ten minutes to spare, slapping a stack of papers onto the table. "No way I'm gonna let your scrawny ass punk me out like that." The twinkle in his eye is unmistakable as he addresses Edward.

I crane my neck and huff when I recognize medical forms identical to the ones tucked away inside Edward's backpack.

_Great._

"The fuck, dude? Seriously?" Alec says, shaking his head as he flips through the forms.

"Shut up, fucknut," Emmett tells him. "Think of all the pussy this will reel in."

He glances at me, narrowing his eyes for a fraction of a second. Pussy is the last thing he needs more of. He could care less about attracting girls; they flock to him. This is something else. Something I can't quite put my finger on.

The warning bell rings before I can figure it out.

Banner is absent, but the bastard left study packets for us to complete. I want to blow it off until Edward makes a valid point. Less homework means more naked time. So, we split the questions, and we have it finished by the end of class.

Ms. White takes fifteen minutes to go over what we can expect on what will be our final exam in Health class. Then, she leaves. Big surprise.

Most of the time everyone remains seated in case she comes back. Not today. The moment the door closes, Rosalie is on her feet.

She stands in the aisle between my desk and Angela's. I turn in my desk purposely so my legs force her to inch back. Casually crossing my ankles, I smile widely.

"Hi, Rosalie." Kill her with kindness.

"Cut the crap, Isabella." Her eyes light up when I grimace at the sound of my full name. I immediately want to punch her for letting her get the best of me. "Is Emmett really trying out for the baseball team?"

_Fuck you, Rosalie. _

"Why don't you ask Royce? He probably knows."

_Seriously, bitch. You HAVE a man. _

She backs off. Message delivered. Mumbling something about Tanya wanting to know, she gives me a lasting final glare before stomping back to her desk and ignoring me for the rest of the period.

Edward is waiting at my locker after the final bell. He straightens, smiling as I approach. I let my head fall against his chest as he wraps me in a tight hug.

"I hate this school," I mutter.

"You say the same thing every day." I can hear the smile in his voice. I do say the same thing every day.

"Well, today I mean it." But I'm already laughing, because he has already made me feel better.

We grab our stuff as quickly as possible. Renee won't be home for two hours. I have plans to cash in on his earlier guarantee of naked time.

I falter a moment on the front steps. Royce fucking King is standing next to the Volvo talking to Ben and Emmett like he belongs there. Not cool.

Edward squeezes my hand, pulling me forward.

"I think it's great," Royce says to Emmett as we approach. He gives me a long, calculating look before turning to Edward and introducing himself. _Perfect manners. Perfect smile_. "I think you two will be a real asset to the team." He spares another quick glance in my direction. _Perfect snake in the grass. _

They chat for a few minutes about Banks, his retirement, and the team. I lose interest quickly, so I pull the Volvo keys from Edward's hand in an effort to escape the boy talk. As I open the passenger door, Ben calls out, "Thanks again for the notes, Bella. I'll get them back to you tomorrow."

The smallest smile ghosts across Royce's face as they all turn to look at me.

"No problem." I throw my stuff in the back as I duck into my seat.

Sex Pistols blare from the speakers when I turn the key in the ignition. I crack the window a little, hoping the noise will encourage the end of their conversation. No such luck. Fifteen minutes pass and when I finally get sick of waiting, I exit the car and catch Edward's eye, tapping my watch discreetly. He winks and nods.

"I need to take Bella home," he tells them.

"It's cool, man," Royce says. "See you around. Good luck."

Edward leaves the volume up during the drive to Emmett's house. As soon as we're alone, he turns the stereo off.

"It isn't too late," he says, eyes on the road. "I can throw those forms in the trash and take my name off the list."

"Don't," I tell him, snaking my hand over his on the gear shift. "We'll be fine."

I'll make sure of it.

-o-

**A/N-Almost all of the chicks I hung out with in high school had one of those _omg-his-momma-__is-gonna-think-I'm-a-ho _moments. I have a 3 page note from my bff that was written the day after her guy's mom busted them. It might be the funniest thing I have ever read. **

**Sorry this one took so long to get out. My kids were out of school for the entire week of Thanksgiving. Wtf, right? Back when I was in school, we were only off Thursday through Sunday. Anyway, I spent the entire week trying to prevent them from killing each other. It was time consuming. **

**Did you guys see Breaking Dawn? Reactions?**

**I'll admit I snuck out of the house twice to go and see it. Rob's jaw should win some kind of award. **

**Thanks for reading.**

**MSC**


	12. Chapter 12

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a new tattoo on the back of my neck. It hurt like a mother fucker. **

**I owe my sister double, big-time thanks for this chapter. She caught my boo-boos AND provided me with lots of baseball info. I was the naughty choir girl/Honor Society kid. She played softball for our high school. So, thank you, M. **

**Any mistakes left are mine. Hmmm…warnings- sexual activity and drug use. **

Chapter 12

_So anytime somebody needs ya  
>don't let them down, although it grieves ya<br>Someday you'll need someone like they do  
>lookin' for what you knew<em>

_(Friends- Led Zeppelin)_

_-o-_

Edward was right. Coach Banks is an asshole. A sadistic asshole. The guys have already run five miles. Now, they're fielding balls. And my ass is getting numb from sitting on these stupid bleachers. The cheerleaders needed the gym for practice. They have some big competition coming up. As a result, we're stuck outside watching tryouts in 47 degree weather.

The only positive in this whole thing is Edward in track pants. I can't stop staring at him. He showed up this morning wearing contact lens. His mom surprised him last week by letting him order them. He surprised me this morning by wearing them. It's been freaking me out all day. As insane as it sounds, I liked his glasses. I miss them. Part of me is hoping he will still wear them when he isn't playing.

Royce is standing back watching with Coach Banks, and the two of them are clearly sizing up the crop. He is the only returning player not being reevaluated. According to Edward, the seniors who graduated last year left three active positions: outfielder, second, and catcher. Carlisle has been busy next to me, checking out the returning second string players. It is entirely possible that those players could graduate to active positions, leaving the new guys on the bench most of the season.

Jesus. I had no idea baseball was so fucking complicated. I also had no idea there were over twenty players on the team. Esme explains that sometimes players get injured or become academically ineligible, so there has to be a reserve.

"Cocoa?" she asks, holding up a large metal thermos.

Carlisle is lucky I like boys. She pulls a stack of large Styrofoam cups from a small backpack.

"Can I ask a stupid question?"

"The only stupid question is the one that goes unasked, Bella," Carlisle says.

"If there are only nine players on the field, why do they need twenty on the team? I mean, theoretically, wouldn't eighteen do? It would be enough to replace every player, if necessary. Why the extras?"

He stares at me for a few very long moments. "Your brain works in the most mysterious ways."

Esme leans close to me before whispering, "He doesn't know the answer."

We laugh as the cocoa warms my spirit and my hands. Rosalie, Irina, Heidi, and Tanya show up right before the guys line up to bat. Damn. Cheerleading practice must have just ended. Four blonde ponytails. Four sets of pink track pants. Four soulless witches. Rosalie stops to give Royce a kiss on the cheek before she joins the others on the bottom row of the bleachers.

"Aren't they cute?" Esme says.

I close my eyes to keep from rolling them. "Adorable," I mumble. Aaron Accord is up first, and it looks like Edward is fourth. Emmett and the other guys who have M through Z last names will have to come back tomorrow to bat.

I tense a little when it is finally Edward's turn at bat. He manages to hit seven of the ten balls Royce pitches.

"Nice," Irina says loudly as he leaves the field.

Yep. Still hate her guts.

"I'm gonna go," I tell Carlisle and Esme as I stand. There are eight more boys in line, and I have no desire to see any of them bat. I've had enough baseball for one week.

"Will we see you later? I am leaving to go back to Seattle in the morning."

Esme's question takes me by surprise. I don't really know if Edward and I have plans later. Monday and Tuesday he stayed after school for practice clinics Banks offered. By the time he got home, he had just enough time for dinner and homework.

"I don't know. Will you ask Edward to call me?"

She assures me she will. I give her a quick goodbye hug. Just in case. She'll be gone for the rest of this week and all of next week.

Emmett catches my attention as I am leaving the field. He leans over and says something to Edward before grabbing his backpack and making his way towards me. Edward waves, so I give him a tiny wave followed by the "call me" hand signal.

"Give me a ride?" Emmett begs as he reaches me.

"God, you're such a bum," I tease. "Wanna drive?"

I know he is going for his license Friday morning. It's been the main topic of conversation everyday this week at lunch. If it weren't for this baseball shit, he could go tomorrow. He grins as I toss him the keys.

"See there," he says, pointing to me with his free hand. "You can be nice."

"Watch it, or I'll change my mind."

"Good luck with that," he jokes, opening the door and climbing behind the wheel.

I throw my stuff in and climb into the cab. "Should I pray?"

"I got this."

He drives remarkably well for an overgrown child. I quiz him on a few of the stupid questions I remember from my own driving test. As he pulls into the driveway at his house, I decide to stop beating around the bush.

"Why the sudden interest in baseball, Em?"

"College applications. My grades are okay, but I have zero extracurricular activities."

_Uh huh. _

"Since when do you worry about shit like college?"

"Well," he sighs, looking somber. "Mom flipped out when I told her I want to be a _hustla_ when I grow up. I need a backup plan." He snickers.

Carol McCarty is a saint. Emmett is one of the many reasons I don't ever want to have kids. With my shitty luck, I would have a boy just like him or a daughter who dates boys like him. No fucking way.

"See you tomorrow," he tells me as I slide across the seat. He shuts the door and disappears with a grin before I can ask why he is _really _trying out for the baseball team.

When I get back to Renee's house, I dig his present out of its hiding spot. I called Lauren a couple of weeks ago to see if she could get Brent to hook us up. Edward and I picked it up from him this past weekend.

I don't feel like wrapping it, so I throw it in a leftover Christmas gift bag and shove strips of newspaper comics on top of it.

Alice calls to confirm our plans for Friday night. It's her subtle way of verifying that I'm not ditching my scheduled visitation to Forks. Appeased, she changes topic. The halls of Forks High have been busy since Christmas Break. Maria is wearing full-on maternity clothes now. Tyler Crowley's mother made him shave off the dreads so his hair will have time to grow back before he gets his senior pictures made this summer. Carmen has broken up with Garrett. Twice. He isn't getting the picture, and she's still fucking him. Mike and Jessica are still not speaking. And Alice has landed the role of Juliet in the spring play, opposite Mike's Romeo.

I'm thrilled for her. She sounds so excited. Alice has always been too big for a little town like Forks, and acting helps her escape it for a while. Jasper, ever the perfect boyfriend, is helping with set design. He's an excellent artist, and he doesn't like to get too far away from Alice. I promise to be there for her big debut, and she promises me seats in the family section.

I end the call when Renee comes home. For some reason, she is in a terrible mood. She pours herself a glass of wine to take with her to her room. Definitely a bad mood. Normally, she holds off on the wine until dinner.

She comes out ten minutes later dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. _Uh-oh_. A baggy sweatshirt is never a good sign. We discuss dinner options and decide to just stay in and have chicken Caesar salad. I don't know if I've ever seen her drink an entire bottle of wine in less than two hours, but she does it tonight.

"Something wrong?" I ask warily. I don't want to unknowingly piss her off by asking the wrong question.

"Nothing new. I'll be so glad when that old bastard retires," she mutters.

"Banks?"

"Yes, Banks. Every year he makes such a stink about the eligibility guidelines in place. He wants Mr. Greene to lower the requirement from a C average to a D average. One of 'his boys' is having some trouble in my class."

Ah. Work stuff. She takes this shit way too seriously.

The doorbell rings, and I jump to my feet, hoping it might be Edward.

It is. He's freshly showered with damp hair and tired, happy eyes. "I missed you," he tells me before he kisses me.

Renee clears her throat, a gentle reminder that while, yes, we are fucking, there is no need to broadcast it.

"Do you want to come in or go to your house?"

"Can we stay here? I'm kind of tired. I can't stay long, but I wanted to see you."

He follows me to my room, closing and locking the door behind us. When he smiles at me, it's different, but I think I might be able to get used to it. His eyes are really pretty, and I can see them more clearly now.

I grab his open flannel with both hands pulling him to me so I can bury my face in his neck. "I missed you too."

Then he folds me into his arms and buries his face in my hair.

This is the only real time we've spent together since Sunday. He has been busy after school every day. I pull him back until we fall across my bed. He kicks his shoes off, one at a time, before rolling onto his side to face me.

"You smell so much better than that fucking locker room," he sighs.

"I should hope so," I say, feigning offense as I push him onto his back.

His eyes close as I straddle him, pushing the t-shirt and flannel up his stomach. He hums as I unfasten his belt. I have a plan, and I don't want to chicken out. He's worn out, and I want to make him feel good.

His eyes snap open when I pull him from his boxers and stroke lightly. I let him pull my shirt off, but I push his hands away when he reaches for the button of my jeans. I scoot further down the bed, until I'm on my knees between his. I lower my body slowly, brushing my lips across his abdomen and slowly working my way down.

I had a long, PRIVATE chat with Leah about blow jobs. I want to do it, but I don't want to be awful, so I asked for pointers. Sometimes, it's easier to address sex stuff one on one. Less humiliating. Kiss, lick, suck, scrape a little with your teeth, swallow fast. Those may not have been her exact words, but those are the ones that I can remember.

"Bella?" he croaks.

He looks completely freaked out. Maybe I was supposed to ask?

"I thought you might like it if I…Well, I might like it, too. I'm curious." And embarrassed. Well, embarrassed might not cover it.

"You've never…" he trails off, looking uncertain.

I shake my head. "I never wanted to."

Now, he looks interested. The part of him in my hand is definitely interested. Still, he keeps glancing at the door.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?"

"Trust me," I whisper. "Just don't make too much noise."

Renee has probably opened another bottle by now. She'll pass out on the couch watching television, I'm sure. He glances at the door one last time before nodding.

I've never really seen one _this _up close and personal. I brush my lips back and forth across the tip. He moans as I open my lips and take him into my mouth. It's smooth, warm, and hard, and I can't really concentrate because of the sounds he is making. Moaning and grunting.

A few moments later, he taps my head lightly.

"Bella," he whispers. "Fuck. Stop, baby. I'm gonna come." He digs his hips into the bed, trying to get away from me before he loses it.

And I am not going out like that. I follow his movements and slide him a little deeper than before. His hand brushes through my hair, pulling it back from my face. I take a moment to look him straight in the eye, but I don't stop.

"Yeah?" he whispers.

I nod and close my eyes, continuing my attentions. He tenses and I feel his fingers tighten in my hair moments before he whispers, "Now."

I swallow quickly, exactly like Leah told me to. It tastes a little bitter, but certainly not funky like Carmen suggested. Nothing a little Scope can't fix.

"Jesus Christ," he whispers as I move to lie beside him.

"Was it okay?"

"So much better than okay," he assures me. "I've imagined that in my head a thousand times or more, but your mouth…Fuck, it was crazy." Then, he shocks the hell out of me by kissing me. On the mouth.

I push him away before standing. "I'm just going to get some mouthwash."

The sound of his laughter follows me from the room.

_I guess he is related to Emmett, after all. _

After a trip to the bathroom, I check on Renee. She's on the couch with the phone in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. I don't know who she is talking to, but she's obviously still upset. I quietly tiptoe back to my room.

Edward is asleep by the time I get back. Stretched out on my bed with his head turned, cheek resting against my pillow. I lay down next to him and, because I can't help myself, I run my fingers lightly through his crazy locks. The sweet smile on his lips makes me miss him even though he's right here in front me.

"Hey." I nudge him a little. He doesn't wake, but he does throw his arm over me. "You need to wake up," I whisper as I push his ribs.

He groans and rubs his hand across his face. "You're right. I still have homework waiting in my room." When his eyes open, they're so soft and happy. His lips are too, and I have to push him away and make him go home.

He doesn't like leaving me hanging, but I insist. He needs rest.

"Charlie is working dayshift Saturday. You can come over and make it up to me then," I tell him as we walk to the Volvo.

"I thought we decided not to act like horndogs in Forks." He pulls me to him as he leans back against the Volvo.

"Yes, well, there are exceptions to every rule, Edward." I kiss along his jaw until my lips reach his ear. "What Charlie doesn't _know _won't hurt him."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Thursday morning starts better than the rest of the week because the Volvo is in Renee's driveway when I walk out at 7:15. I don't mind driving myself to school, but riding with Edward is better. I dump the giftbag on the seat next to Emmett when I get in the car.

"Happy Birthday, fucker," I tell him unceremoniously.

He loves the bong. Who wouldn't?

"Party this weekend?" he asks.

"Dude, she's in Forks this weekend," Edward reminds him.

"Okay, next weekend."

"No can do. Next weekend is Valentine's Day."

"Where are your fucking balls, Edward?" Emmett shakes his head in disgust as Edward parks the car in the school lot.

"Last night, they were in my hand, Emmett," I tell him, slapping his cheek as he climbs from the back seat.

"Nasty," he spits. "That's just nasty. I don't ever, and I mean EVER, want to hear about what you two do when you're naked. It's like incest in my brain. The two people in the world who are family to me just have to be fucking…"

I lose the rest of his rant as he stomps away.

"He really needs a girlfriend," Edward mutters.

"Are you fucking nuts?" I ask him. "Emmett is like Carmen. With a dick. Some people just aren't built for monogamous relationships."

"She and Garrett are doing okay."

"She has broken up with him. Twice. AND she's still fucking him. Doomed. That relationship has been doomed from the start."

He shrugs, and I'm glad I don't have to explain. Carmen loves the _idea _of having a boyfriend. She isn't fond of the reality. She wants to do what she wants, when she wants to do it. And with whom. The moment she finds someone else she considers 'fuckable'…well, Garrett will be history.

Edward gives me a ride home after school, but returns to watch Emmett and the others try out. Renee and I go out to dinner, and she apologizes for last night's tirade. It doesn't matter to me as long as I'm not the one she's pissed at.

I drive myself to school on Friday since I'll be leaving for Forks after dismissal. If Edward makes the team, he'll be too busy to drive me home anyway.

As I park next to the Volvo, I'm surprised to see Jane emerge from the passenger side of Edward's car.

"What was that about?" I ask him when he meets me at the back of my truck.

"I got Em a little something to put in his birthday present."

"She's selling now?" I'm shocked, and I can't pretend not to be. Jane and Alec come from money. Big money. She doesn't need to sell drugs.

"She met a guy. According to her and Alec, he has more of a _variety, _if you know what I mean. She's just hooking a few of her friends up with samples at a discount."

I do know what he means. The shit Embry has been selling lately has been bricked up and loaded with stems and seeds. Edward and I have left his place feeling shafted on more than one occasion. Acid is Jane's drug of choice, and Embry seems to have had trouble getting his hands on it of late. If this weed is good, we might have to take our business elsewhere.

Emmett shows up around lunchtime, license in hand. The DMV has just unleashed a monster. Emmett managed an impressive social life by bumming rides. He'll be unstoppable with his own set of wheels.

At the end of Biology, Edward and I make plans to meet in the gym after school. I'll be there anyway, and he wants to check _the list. _

"You know you're on it," I tell him playfully.

"We don't _know _anything, Bella."

"Bullshit. You told me you liked to run, but you forgot to tell me how fucking fast you can do it. And you hit better than some of those guys from last year. I'm sure you made it."

"We'll see."

I kiss him and bet him five dollars that he got the second base position. He laughs and takes the bet. He's thinking possibly outfield. Angela meets me in the hall outside the gym.

"We don't have to dress out today," she says excitedly.

"Sweet." Every day this week, Banks has been too busy with the baseball stuff to bother to teach our class. On Monday, he gave us a handout on volleyball with advice to study it. Every other day, I've treated it like a study hall. Renee really knew what she was doing when she set up the White/Banks combo as my last classes of the day.

Two minutes before the final bell, he walks out of his office and tapes two long, white sheets of paper on the door.

I want to look. Part of me knows I should probably wait for Edward, but I can't. I'm up and moving the moment he closes the door. Angela comes with me. It's a good thing because at the very last minute, I kind of feel like I might pass out.

It's the exact same feeling I got before the final rounds of the spelling bee in sixth grade at Forks. A heart-pounding, pukey, dizzy sort of feeling. And I don't even like baseball.

His name is on the list. Short stop.

_What the fuck?_

"Holy shit," Angela whispers. "Coach moved Ben to second."

"Is that bad?" _Do they have demotions in baseball?_

"Fuck if I know," she mutters. "Look, Emmett is the new catcher."

"It's because he's a tank," Rosalie says, peering at the list over Angela's shoulder. "Your boyfriend has got some nice moves, Isabella. I almost didn't recognize him without the geek specs. You've done a good job keeping him hidden."

_Don't get suspended._

"Fuck off, Rosalie."

She smirks. "This is going to be so much fun." The quiet conviction in her voice unnerves me.

If she makes things difficult for Edward or Emmett, I will fuck her up. The final bell sounds before I have the chance to tell her as much.

The crowd of girls disperses. Angela and I make our way back to our things. She perks up the moment Ben steps into the gym. He and Royce are chatting away as they walk toward the office.

Ben freezes as he stares at the team assignments. He turns to Royce, and the two of them exchange words before Ben bangs on Banks' door repeatedly.

The door swings open, and Ben disappears inside the office, closing it behind him.

"I guess it is bad," Angela mutters.

Edward and Emmett walk in together, and Edward's eyes sweep across the room before settling on me. He bypasses _the list _and walks over to me and Angela instead.

"You looked," he whispers before brushing his lips across mine.

"Guilty."

"Well?" His voice is oddly neutral.

"I owe you five bucks," I tell him earnestly. Shock and disappointment flash across his face. "No! I mean, you made the team, but not second base."

He exhales slowly in relief. "Outfield. That's cool. Maybe we can work out a deal, and I'll let the money slide." His hands slide down my body, settling on my waist. He pulls me against him suggestively.

I shove him, laughing. "Not outfield, asshole. Short stop."

"Ben is short stop," he insists.

"Not anymore. I read the list, Edward. Ben is inside with Banks right now."

Edward turns and walks across the gym until he reaches Emmett. And _the list_. Royce approaches them, congratulating them loudly.

I hang back for a few minutes, letting guys be guys. Their team meeting should be starting in about ten minutes, or whenever Ben and Banks finish their business. Since there is no point in hanging around, I decide to leave for Forks.

I catch Edward's eye and give him a little wave, nodding in the direction of the door. He shakes his head, says something to Emmett, and leaves them to jog over to me.

"I'm going to go," I tell him as I hug him. "You're going to be busy, anyway."

"I'll call you tonight and see you tomorrow, right?" He drops sweet little pecks against my neck.

"Sounds good."

Coach blows a whistle, eliciting a groan from Edward. "Go," he tells me. "Before I change my mind and decide to leave with you."

Part of me wishes he would. The really selfish, horny part of me.

I pull him down for a quick kiss goodbye.

"Swan, making out in the middle of my gym is grounds for ISS," Coach Banks yells. "I don't want to suspend my new short stop before our first practice."

Crotchety old bastard.

"Have fun," I tell Edward, backing away. There are dozens of sets of eyes on us now, and the last thing I want is trouble for Edward.

Charlie's car is at the station when I arrive in Forks. I don't want to wait to see him, so I stop in for a visit. Being in the station always makes me feel a little weird. I practically grew up here after Renee left, but the _Talking to Your Child About Drugs _pamphlets bother the hell out of me. I'm always scared Charlie is going to bring one home and attempt another 'talk.'

I win three games of checkers, and Mark swears he will never play against me again.

Charlie and I leave around six. We swing by the house to drop off my truck before picking up Alice. Charlie lets us ride in the back of the cruiser on the way to the diner for dinner. Then, he pays for our dinner and even stops by the video store on the way home. He raises his eyebrows when she hands him a copy of _Wild at Heart _to rent. He flips it over to read the movie summary, rolls his eyes a few times, and reluctantly adds it to his own selection.

He stays downstairs to watch _Die Hard _for the hundredth time. Alice and I grab drinks and chips from the kitchen before making our way upstairs. We open my bedroom window all the way and lean out as far as possible. I light a joint, and we pass it back and forth quickly. The door is locked, and Charlie has a six pack planted at his feet, so I'm pretty sure we're safe.

I fall asleep with the phone in my hand again. Only this time, there is no late night call.

Alice wakes me by slapping my back repeatedly. "Go and answer the fucking door before I kill your boyfriend."

I glance at the clock. 10:45 AM. Edward knows better. A heavy pounding on the door, followed by the ringing doorbell would suggest otherwise.

I pull the covers back, trying like hell to wake up and get to the door before Alice loses her shit. She may be little, but she's mean.

I grab a piece of Trident from my purse and pop it into my mouth before answering the door. I don't want to accidently kill him myself with dragon breath. Another knock sounds as I reach the door.

"Damn, I'm coming," I mutter to myself as I turn the lock and pry open the door.

Of course. Edward would never dare to show up banging around like an idiot before noon on a Saturday. Emmett, as usual, knows no boundaries.

"What the fuck, Emmett? It's ten-something in the morning."

He backs away slowly, grinning like a loon. "Get dressed. We're going for a ride."

"Aw, fuck. They actually gave you a car?" I grumble.

He is practically bouncing. "It was my Grandad's. Come on, Bella. This is my first time driving in Forks."

I'm sleepy, but I can't help smiling at his enthusiasm. "You're going to have to make it a quick ride, Emmett. Edward and I have plans."

He grimaces. "Yeah, about that…Ed's sick. He's got some kind of stomach bug. Es called my mom freaking out because her little baby is home sick, and she is stuck in Seattle. I tried to stop by on the way here, just to make sure he's still alive, but Uncle Carlisle wouldn't let me through the front door. Your plans are cancelled."

"Come on in," I tell him, moving so he can enter the house. "I think I am going to call Carlisle and make sure Edward is okay."

"Bella, you do realize my uncle is a doctor, right?"

I feel silly. Of course Carlisle can take care of his ailing, almost adult son. I just don't like the idea of Edward being sick, or needing something I can't give him. At least I know now why he didn't call last night. He was probably feeling sick.

"You're right. I won't call. I'll let him rest." I pause at the bottom of the stairs. "Any chance you might hang out for an hour or so and let me go back to sleep?"

He snorts.

"Yeah, didn't think so," I mutter, trudging up the stairs.

Alice is less than thrilled, but she finally gets up, and we both dress for the day. Emmett's face lights up as we walk down the stairs.

"Can I get a ride home?" she asks him.

Emmett thinks she wants to check out his ride. I know she wants to get home so she can check out her bed.

"Holy shit," she says as we step onto the porch. "You put a lift kit on a fucking station wagon."

"Woman," he says. "That is a 1979 Jeep Wagoneer. Those are thirty-three Radial Mud Terrain tires on that bad boy."

"Did you bring a step stool?" she jokes.

"I'll give you a boost, shorty," he huffs.

He helps us both into the Jeep before circling around and climbing in the driver's side. I'm stuck riding bitch between the two of them on the long, black leather bench seat. He starts the engine, and Guns N' Roses blare from the speakers as the seat vibrates beneath us.

Alice and I both look at him.

"Now that's boom boom," he says, grinning like an idiot.

We drop Alice off at her house, and he drives to the nearest gas station. I sit in the Jeep while he goes in. He brings me a Clearly Canadian and a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.

I still haven't forgiven him for waking me up at such an ungodly hour, but this is a good start on his penance.

"What are you doing in Forks, Emmett?"

He coughs a little, shifting in his seat. "I figured with Edward out of commission, we could hang out. Spend the day together. I know you think I'm an ass for always harassing you both, but you and I haven't hung out alone at all since the two of you started sucking face."

I open my mouth to argue and defend myself, but when I really think about it, I realize he's right. I've spent so much time worrying about Edward's friendship with Emmett, I completely overlooked my own. It doesn't help that Edward isn't keen on me hanging out one on one with other guys. Even his own flesh and blood.

"I'm sorry," I tell him. "I didn't realize it was a big deal."

The dirty look he gives me makes me instantly feel guilty for not choosing my words a little more carefully. He shakes his head and starts the Jeep.

"How do you really feel about the baseball thing?" he asks as he pulls onto the highway.

I stare out the window, watching the scenery pass, wondering how much I can tell him without sounding like an asshole.

"Just between us, right?" I ask. I trust him. If he says he will keep quiet, he will.

"Don't be stupid."

Right.

"Part of me is really happy and really excited for you and Edward," I explain. As someone who is athletically challenged, I can appreciate the hard work and effort of those who excel in sports. And as much as I hate to admit it, Rosalie is right. Edward does have some nice moves. Which brings me to my second point. "The other part of me really dislikes most of the assholes on the team, and is kind of pissed that we are going to have to deal with them regularly."

He laughs. Long and hard.

"I knew it had to be bugging the shit out of you," he muses.

"Emmett," I say with trepidation. "Why are we driving to the res?" He makes the final turn and there is nothing but dirt road and trees.

"I need to stop in and see Mr. Ateara at the shop. This baby needs one last thing to make it perfect."

Quil's dad is a mechanic, and he owns a small shop on the outskirts of the res. I sigh when I notice the black Honda Rebel parked out front. Jake is here.

"You okay?" Emmett asks quietly. "Edward said you and Jake were on speaking terms. I can come back some other time if you want me to."

We're already here, and it's a much longer drive for Emmett, especially if he has to make it twice because I'm a wuss. "Nah," I tell him as I grab my bag and open the passenger door. "I'm good."

There is an old VW Rabbit on the rack, and Jake is standing beneath it, covered in grease smudges from head to toe. This place hasn't changed a bit. It still smells like smoke and filthy boy.

Quil smiles the moment he lays eyes on me. We always got along well, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't hold some real affection for the jackass.

"Bella! Damn, girl. What have you been eating?" he hugs me, taking a moment to pat my ass.

I push away from him quickly, but I'm too late.

"Dude, keep your hands off my cousin's girl."

"Really, Emmett?" I ask irritably.

"Sorry, man. Bella knows I was just messin with her." Quil is calm and friendly. "I haven't seen her in months. I was surprised."

"What are you doing here, Bella?" The curiosity in Jake's voice is undisguised.

I look at Emmett, because I have no idea what I'm doing here.

"I heard you guys did Aaron Accord's neon," Emmett says.

"Ugh. Emmett, why would you want to ruin your ride like that?" I moan.

Quil perks up. "You want it run through the brake lights or a toggle?"

"Toggle."

"It will take about an hour and a half to run it through the battery. What color?" Quil leads Emmett to the small office attached to the garage.

Jake steps out of the dirty blue coveralls, wrestling them over his boots. He drapes them over the back of a chair after fishing a pack of Camels from the pocket.

"Smoke?" He nods in the direction of the back door.

I follow him to the wrought iron bench behind the shop.

"How is Maria?" I ask.

He winces, drawing a joint out of the box. "Haven't talked to her."

"Have you heard from any schools yet?"

He places the joint between his lips, lights it, and inhales deeply. "I only applied for UW and Peninsula," he says, exhaling. "I haven't heard from either."

"It's still early," I assure him. "Where is Quil's dad?"

"He lets us run the shop on Saturdays. The cold weather is hard on his joints, so he rests on the weekends now."

"God, he must be going senile, too. I can't believe he leaves two idiot kids in charge of his shop." I laugh, and I can tell he doesn't want to, but he laughs too.

"We're grown-ups now," he says. "We're both eighteen."

I forgot his birthday. Wow. I don't know if that has ever happened before. We've been blowing out candles together since we were in Underoos.

"Right. Happy late birthday, old man," I tell him.

Emmett joins us and finishes off the joint. The three of us reenter the shop as Quil is lifting the Jeep. I talk Emmett out of the green one. A cherry red Jeep with green neon around the license plate would look too Christmassy. We settle on blue, and part of me hates him a little bit for making me participate in such nonsense.

Jake and Quil go straight to work. Emmett and I huddle around a space heater in the corner closest to the Jeep, so we can watch them work. I tease him over and over about how ridiculous it is to pay money for huge car stereos and neon lights. He flaps four fingers against his thumb and shakes his head while moving his mouth to mock me silently.

"Fuck you, Emmett," I tell him. "You've been mocking me like that since fifth grade. Are you ever going to fucking grow up?"

He smiles a big, happy, dimply smile. "I hope not."

His stupid dimples make me miss Edward's cute ones. I sneak into the office on the pretense of using the bathroom. I ease the receiver off the hook before dialing Edward's number. I just want to check on him. Make sure he's okay. There are four rings and then the click of the answering machine. I leave a quick message telling him I love him, and I hope he feels better. Then, I do make a quick trip to the bathroom.

It only takes them a little over an hour to finish. Emmett and I are both starving, so he drives to the diner. We devour a couple of deluxe cheeseburgers and sit around talking for a few minutes. Mike comes in alone wearing his Newton's polo, khakis, and a Carhartt jacket. He pays for a "to go" order and spot us as he turns to leave.

He looks terrible. He has lost weight, and his eyes are dull above the purplish circles beneath them. Instead of coming over to speak, he waves and disappears through the exit.

"Sheesh," Emmett says. "What did you say happened with them?"

"Nobody knows." It had to be bad for him to look so beat up over it.

Emmett wants to make a trip to Newton's before he leaves Forks. Since I have nothing better to do, I agree to go with him.

He switches CDs before pulling onto the highway. The heater is blasting and both windows are rolled down a few inches so Emmett can smoke without choking us out of the jeep. He is blaring "Gansta Gansta," and I can feel the bass vibrating in the seat beneath me.

A flash of blue in the side mirror catches my attention.

_Shit._

I turn the volume down at the same moment Emmett notices the squad car behind us.

"Fuck," he moans. He flips on his blinker, indicating his intent to pull over. "Bella, look in the glove compartment." I open it warily, and I am dismayed to find a quarter of weed and a second baggie containing white powder. "Please," he begs. "Put it in your bag."

I do it without hesitation. I'm hoping Mark is the one who pulled us over and that Emmett is overreacting. Instead, when Emmett opens the door and jumps to the ground, it's Charlie's voice I hear.

"There is a noise ordinance in place in Forks, Emmett McCarty. What the hell were you listening to? I thought my coffee was going to vibrate off the dash when you went by."

"Just a little boom boom, Chief Swan."

Too bad those tires couldn't be just a bit taller. As Charlie stretches to look at Emmett's stereo, I turn in my seat to give him my best smile.

His face goes completely blank. Like someone hit him on the head and he's about to fall out at any moment.

"Hey, Dad," I say cautiously. "What's up?"

"Why are you in Emmett McCarty's truck, Bella? Is Edward in the backseat?" He searches behind the driver's seat.

"Edward is sick, Chief Swan. I thought it would be a good opportunity to have some quality time with Bella."

Charlie has turned an odd shade of puce as his conversation with Emmett has progressed.

"Emmett asked me to ride with him to the res since he wasn't sure if he could remember the way. He let Quil and Jake wrench on the Jeep today."

I'm pretty sure Charlie's brain is starting to overpower his temper. He asks Emmett for his license, registration, and the CD from the stereo. As Emmett makes a show of digging for his wallet, I open the glove compartment a second time and take out the registration.

Charlie knows damn well who this car is registered to. He calls in every license plate number on every stop. He is just trying to be a pain in the ass. I hand it over to him with the most dramatic eye roll I can muster.

Charlie disappears in the cruiser, and Emmett bangs his head against the steering wheel. "I can't believe he took my N.W.A. disc. That is so fucked up," he moans.

I am holding, not one, but two, illegal drugs for him in my purse while my father writes out a warning over a stupid fucking noise ordinance because the constant vibrations under our asses weren't enough of a sign that the music may have been a little loud. And he's upset over a stupid fucking CD?

"Emmett," I hiss. "You are the most self-centered bastard I have ever met."

"What?" He gripes. "Ice Cube is my hero. Watching _Boyz n the Hood_ made me cry like a baby."

He jumps when Charlie knocks on the window. He rolls it down quickly and accepts his license and paperwork. I take the registration, preparing to place it back in the glove compartment.

Charlie actually wrote him a real ticket instead of a warning. I lean forward in my seat, making eye contact with my father. "So, we'll see you at home in a couple of hours for dinner?" I ask sweetly.

"You will. McCarty, take your ass back to Port Angeles." He tosses the CD to Emmett, who thanks him profusely. Charlie winks at me, and I give him a little wave before he walks away.

Emmett keeps the radio off during the drive to my house. I place both baggies back into the glove compartment and give him a stern lecture on bringing coke to Forks. I know that he, Alec, and Jane dabble occasionally with the nose candy. And I don't judge. But Charlie would flip the fuck out if he caught me or one of my friends with it.

Em swears he has learned his lesson and refuses to stay for dinner, even though I assure him Charlie was joking. He wants to get back to PA so he can show off his ride and hunt down a party.

I spend the afternoon cleaning out my closet, reading, and making chicken fettucini alfredo. It's Edward's favorite, so I spoon a huge helping into a Tupperware dish. Maybe he will feel well enough to eat it tomorrow. Dropping it off gives me an excuse to check on him on my way home.

Charlie is home in time for dinner, and he admits that if any other girl had been in the vehicle with Emmett, he probably would have let him off with just a warning. According to Charlie, seeing me in the passenger seat of Emmett McCarty's truck was his worst nightmare come true.

And now Emmett will have to pay a thirty dollar fine to the city of Forks.

I sleep with the phone next to my pillow, but it doesn't ring. In the morning, I make spinach and mushroom omelets and manage to convince Charlie to try one. He agrees after convincing me to sweeten the deal with two sausage links.

I hang around Forks until late Sunday afternoon. Edward still hasn't called me back, and I am anxious to see him. This was supposed to be our last free weekend together before baseball season starts. Instead, I spent the whole weekend missing him like crazy.

Carlisle won't let me in the house. According to him, Edward is sleeping and was sick less than twenty four hours ago. He could still be contagious. I want to tell him that Edward had his tongue down my throat Friday morning, and I'm probably going to end up sick anyway, but I keep my mouth shut, leaving the fettucini with him in case Edward feels well enough to eat it later.

My phone rings just as I am crawling into bed at Renee's house Sunday night. Edward is hoarse, and he sounds a little worse for wear. He apologizes over and over for being sick and unable to keep our plans. He thanks me for the food and eats it while I fill him in on my semi-exciting weekend in Forks. We stay up way too late for a school night, which is no big deal for him, since Carlisle is letting him stay home one more day to recuperate.

Stretched out, talking to him in the dark, with music playing low in the background, is how all of this began, and I have a hard time saying goodnight and ending the call. I like the kissing and the touching. I love the naked time. But I think this is the part of our connection I've missed most these last several days.

-o-

**A/N: Lots of new readers and reviewers over the last few chapters. Welcome. **

**I can tell by some of the usernames that some of you guys are in your mid-thirties. So am I. For the younger crowd, we didn't have search engines to help us find out how to give a blow job or have an orgasm. We learned the good, old-fashioned ways…trial and error, Cosmo, and our friends' big mouths. No pun intended. **

**Happy Holidays!  
><strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own awesome new flannel pajamas and a nice holiday haul, but my kids are the ones who made out like bandits. **

**As usual, my sister proofed this. Any mistakes left are mine. **

****Warning**This chapter contains brief graphic, major drug use, sex, and underage drinking. More on that in the author's note. **

Chapter 13

_I want your hands on me  
>What I want, give me<br>You know I wanna please you  
>What I wanna do to you<br>You don't waste no time, do you?  
>You know I'm looking through you<br>Why you wanna tease me  
>I want you to come and please me<em>

_(I Want Your (Hands On Me)- Sinéad O'Connor)_

_-o-_

By some stroke of good fortune, I dodge the stomach bug. Edward returns to school Tuesday morning, and I try to adjust to our new routine. Emmett and Edward have decided to lift weights together before school, and they have practice every afternoon which leaves me driving myself to and from school every day. At least for the foreseeable future.

I pride myself on being a good girlfriend, but I draw the line at attending practices. Edward doesn't seem to mind.

The first week seems to take forever. Practice goes past 6:30 every night.

Friday morning, Edward is waiting for me as I pull into the spot next to the Jeep. He has a small, red gift bag in his hand. He walks around and opens the door for me. Instead of getting out right away, I turn in the seat so he can step between my legs.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he whispers, leaning in for a quick kiss.

I repeat the cheesy sentiment, smiling as I reach for the bag. He chuckles and hands it over. I dig through the white tissue paper until I feel plastic wrap.

This is why I fucking love my boyfriend. Instead of giving me some lame cardboard heart filled with 3 good pieces of candy and 12 shitty pieces, he gives me Hostess cupcakes. Something else catches my eye as I pull the cupcakes from the bag. I reach in a second time, and find a beautiful friendship bracelet made from blue and brown embroidery thread.

"Did you make this?" I ask, examining the royal blue hearts.

He laughs. "No, but I picked out the colors. And the pattern."

He takes it and wraps it gently around my left wrist, tying a secure knot before adjusting the bracelet so we can see how it looks.

"I love it," I tell him. "Thank you."

"I have a surprise for you," he whispers, trailing his lips along my neck.

I let my head fall back and my eyes close. "Another one?"

He lips brush my ear. "Dad found someone to work his shift at the last minute. He is driving to Seattle to surprise Mom for Valentine's Day."

"And?" I'm aiming for coy, but I'm pretty sure I just sound desperate and horny.

"Stay with me this weekend." His voice is rough, and his hands have moved beneath the layers of sweater and jacket to caress the skin of my lower back.

"Stop," I tell him, pushing him off of me. "It's been over a week, and the teasing is just mean. Mean, I tell you." I straighten my clothing as he watches with a smile on his face. "You find this amusing?" I ask, trailing three fingers down his stomach. I don't stop when I get to his belt. Instead, I palm him through his jeans. I smirk when he inhales sharply, leaning in for the kill. "I think we should leave now," I whisper. "We could spend all day in your bed." Then, because he deserves it, I scrape my teeth on his neck and innocently rub my boobs all over his chest.

_Take that._

He shudders. "Dammit, Bella. Banks would kill me." I trail my lips along his cheek until I reach his lips. "Your mom would kill you."

I sigh before muttering, "Killjoy."

We make our way inside, because we both know we would never actually skip school. The halls are a sea of pink sweaters and red blouses. A few girls are already carrying around vases of roses.

Roses. How original.

In homeroom, I let the cheesiness overpower me long enough to order a CandyGram for Edward. I almost decide not to, since it is a cheerleading fundraiser to help with their upcoming competition, but the cards are cute. He doesn't eat candy often, so I settle on a sucker and sign my name on the little Valentine. They will deliver it last period.

At lunch, Edward hands me a wrapped gift. It makes me really thankful I spent that dollar on the CandyGram. I am officially the worst girlfriend ever. It's a Red Hot Chili Peppers CD. A couple of days ago, I mentioned I would like to have it. As busy as he has been, I don't know when he found the time to go out and buy it.

And all I got him was a stupid CandyGram.

Emmett leaves the table to buy an ice cream sandwich. I excuse myself and follow him to the line.

"I need your help, Emmett," I tell him quietly. "Edward did all this really sweet stuff for Valentine's Day, and I didn't get him anything."

"Sex," he says, paying for his ice cream and an extra one for me. "Guys are easy. We always want sex. But for the love of all things holy, don't fucking talk about it in front of me."

"It's that simple?" I ask, digging my elbow into his ribs as we walk.

"Yes, genius. We like food and we love sex. Those are universal truths."

Giving Edward sex as a Valentine's present would kind of be like giving myself a present, too. I ditch lunch early, so I can talk to Renee during her planning period.

As I enter her classroom, she looks up from the stack of quizzes she is grading. The smile that crosses her face is uncharacteristically…motherly. It makes me rethink my original plan of strolling in here and telling her I'm spending the weekend with Edward. If she says no, I'm fucked.

"Do we have plans tonight?" I ask.

Her smile falters a little. "Uh, no." She sets her pen on the desk, turning her attention to the stack of papers in front of her. "I actually have a date." Her chinks turn pink, and she won't look me in the eye.

Renee hasn't gone on one single date since I moved in, two years ago. I don't know what she did while she was living in Seattle, but this is just weird.

"Who is he?" I ask. Really, it's none of my business, but the question flies out of my mouth before I can stop it.

"Bella," she chides. "Don't act like I am a child. He is Mrs. Leonard's nephew. He moved away right after high school, and he has just recently moved back to the area."

"High school?" I drop my bag on the desk directly in front of hers. "Did you know him?"

"Not exactly," she says reluctantly. "We had a few friends in common, but there was quite a bit of an age difference. He won't be coming to the house to pick me up, so you don't have to worry about meeting him."

"Well, I actually came by to let you know I won't be home this weekend."

Her eyes narrow for a fraction of a second, and she steeples her fingers over the small container of strawberry yogurt on her desk.

"Where, exactly, will you be?" she asks.

"In Forks. Alice is having a party."

The lie rolls off of my tongue so easily, it almost scares me. I hate doing it, but I can't risk her refusal. I want this time with Edward. I need it.

She nods, and I hide my shaking hands behind my back. "I've got to get to Biology. I don't want to be late. See you Sunday."

"Be careful, Bella." Her words are casual on the surface, but there is a hint of warning there, and it doesn't go unnoticed.

I turn to leave, pausing when I reach the door. "Hey, Mom?" I wait until she looks up to continue, "Have fun tonight."

The tiny smile at the corner of her mouth leads me to believe there is more to this than a blind date with Mrs. Leonard's nephew. Renee looked like a schoolgirl with a crush a few minutes ago. Now, she looks like a woman calculating sex. And it kind of makes me want to vomit.

I practically run to Biology and make it through the door just as the bell rings.

Edward pulls my notebook in front of him the moment I lay it on the counter between us.

_Well?_

I lean forward and write quickly.

_It's cool. Sort of. Well, not really. I lied. I told her I was going to Forks. _

If possible, writing those words makes me feel even guiltier than I did when I spoke them. He frowns, probably disappointed that his girlfriend's pants are on fire. And not in a good way.

_I'm sorry. Is that why you looked so freaked out when you walked in?_

Well, yes and no. Mostly I'm freaked out because my mom is going on a date and might possibly fuck someone tonight. This is too heavy for note passing in Bio.

_I'll fill you in later. _

We give Mr. Banner our undivided attention for the rest of the period. Edward does anyway. I'm busy formulating a plan for a quick after school shopping trip at the boutique downtown.

Emmett is standing with Angela outside the classroom when the bell rings. "Practice is cancelled. Coach's old lady made early dinner reservations for tonight," he tells Edward.

Coach Banks is ex-military and still sports a buzz cut to this day, even though his hair is silver now. It's hard for me to imagine a _Mrs. Banks_ bossing him around.

"Now, you can come over even earlier," Edward says as he hugs me goodbye.

"No, I can't. I have a plan." A plan that involves new sexy underwear, a bath, and a shave.

He smirks. "I don't know whether to be scared or aroused by that statement."

"Scared, fucker," Emmett interjects. "We're going to get detention if you don't bring your ass now."

He has a point. Angela and I have to hustle to get to the gym before the tardy bell rings. The cheerleaders are delivering the CandyGrams this period, so my favorite people are conspicuously missing.

Edward sends me a CandyGram. Of course he does.

It is hand delivered by one of the nice seniors on the squad. She smiles as she hands me a baggie containing Hershey Kisses. The little card is stapled at the top of the bag. Instead of risking a tear to the card, I pry open the staples and pull them out before turning it over.

I laugh at the pure silliness of the card he chose. There is a picture of a cartoon lion wearing a crown. His heart is beating out of his chest in a way only a cartoon pull off. The print on the card reads: "You're the Queen of My Jungle." It's corny and adorable, but my favorite part is hand written in Edward's familiar scrawl.

_I love you. –E_

"Are you crying?" Angela asks incredulously.

"Fuck off," I tell her as I swipe at the lone renegade tear on my cheek. "I'm premenstrual."

She laughs, probably thinking that I am full of crap. I forgive her and share some of my Kisses. If food and sex are the way to teenage guy's heart, chocolate is the way to mine. I'm fairly certain Edward figured it out very early in our relationship.

He is waiting at my locker after school, leaning on my neighbor's locker with his hands jammed into his jean pockets. His cheek is bulging, and he reaches up to pull a red Rain-Blo Pop from his mouth as I approach.

"Thank you for the Kisses," I tell him, wrapping my hand around his neck so I can pull him down for a real kiss.

He tastes like strawberry candy. As if I needed another reason to want to lick him.

"Please come home with me now," he says with his eyes closed and his forehead resting against mine.

"I need a little time. Just a couple of hours."

He doesn't like it, but we part ways in the parking lot.

The trip downtown doesn't take nearly as long as I thought it would. I buy a black lace bra and panty set. Well, these things are called panties, but look more like a triangle with black dental floss attached. It is the only set that isn't red or pink. And every set has thong underwear.

_Is torture a prerequisite for women on Valentine's Day?_

When I get back to Renee's, I hand wash them thoroughly in the sink before tossing them in the dryer. Then, I run a nice, hot bath so I can relax a little. I shave and trim every necessary area, but I don't linger because Renee might be coming home soon to go through this same routine. Plus, I want to be out the door before she has a chance to ask questions.

I pack an overnight bag quickly before retrieving part one of Edward's gift from the dryer.

My normal school clothes are less than flattering. Baggy jeans, a thermal shirt with a band t-shirt thrown over it, and Docs or Chucks, depending on my mood. But if I'm going to walk around with a string up my ass all night, I'm going to go ahead and label tonight as a special occasion. I'm hoping a pair of tights might help take my mind off of what is going on back there.

I slip into a black babydoll dress with puffy long sleeves. Between the fancy bra and the design of the dress, my tits look…rather nice and kind of big. Add combat boots, and Edward will be a goner.

He stares at me dumbly when he answers the door a half hour later. Then, he grabs my bag and tosses it into the dining room before attacking my cleavage with his mouth. I close the door behind me and back against it, pulling him with me.

_I think he missed me, too. _

Life, and sex, would be so much easier if we didn't have school or parents interfering all the time. We kiss and kiss and kiss until those things fall away and it's just us.

We're still humping against the front door when the doorbell rings and scares the hell out of me. I move away quickly, ducking into the dining room to finger comb my hair. Edward joins me after paying the delivery guy and collecting our food.

We share egg drop soup, General Tso chicken, and steamed broccoli. Since his parents are gone, we sit at the countertop bar, legs entwined between us, eating and talking about our week.

I am just about to suggest moving our conversation upstairs to his room, when Emmett walks in through the back door with Charlotte trailing behind him. Edward looks pissed and poor Charlotte looks embarrassed, since it's obvious we weren't expecting company.

I chat with her as Edward and Emmett disappear for a little chat of their own.

"We're not staying," she says quickly. "There's a show at The Hole tonight. It doesn't start until eight, and Emmett thought it would be okay to hang here for bit."

A tiny part of me wants to go to that show, but the other ninety-nine percent wants to be naked with Edward as soon as possible. We can catch a show some other time.

I offer them some of our food, but they're stuffed. Emmett took her to Barry's. I'm impressed that he actually took her to dinner, but Barry's Buffet? On Valentine's Day? A CandyGram would have been nicer.

I offer to roll one, but Emmett politely declines, pulling a slender, amber vial from the pocket of his gigantic flannel. My whole body tenses, anticipating Edward's reaction. I expect him to yell or tell Emmett to fuck off, but instead, he waves at the cleared area of the countertop.

Charlotte takes the vial from Emmett, and pours a thin line on the counter. She edges it and sniffs it before I have time to process that she is blowing coke off of Esme's counter. Emmett takes the container from her, closing it and dropping it into his pocket.

"You're not going to blow?" I ask him pointedly.

"I'll bump when we get there. I don't want to drive around high."

They leave soon after, and Edward and I are finally alone. I sink into his father's recliner and beg him to help me get these stupid boots off.

"So, I'm a little surprised you didn't wig out when Emmett pulled out that coke," I tell him thoughtfully.

"I've bumped with Em and Alec a few times at their houses. What's the big deal about returning the favor?"

I'm speechless. Absofuckinglutely speechless.

A few moments pass before I find my voice. "You've done cocaine?" I ask.

_How has this never come up?_

_Shouldn't he have mentioned something like that?_

"Well, yeah." Yeah sounds like _duh _when he says it. "It's the only reason I was able to keep my grades up last year during baseball season. It helps keep me awake to do homework and study."

"How did I not know this?" I ask, completely dumbfounded.

"I guess it never came up," he says casually.

"But you never even drank beer until you moved here," I insist.

"I never needed beer to stay awake, Bella."

"Do you do it a lot?"

"Not really. The few times I've done it with Em are the only times I've done it recreationally."

I'm a big fat hypocrite. I smoke weed more than the average teenager, and I don't check in with Edward every single time I light up. Drugs are drugs, and I'm not his momma.

"What's it like?" I ask. Coke has always scared the shit out of me. In eighth grade, The Pack rented _Less Than Zero, _and watching Julian's spiral was heartbreaking. I've been petrified of the gutter glitter ever since.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"I don't do acid and I'm not fond of drinking because I can't stand to not be in control. Does that make sense?"

"Well, I wouldn't recommend lines, but a bump would be okay. You'd still be yourself. Just less…inhibited." He throws my boots across the room before leaning into me, brushing his lips against mine. "I have some. Upstairs. If you want…" He kisses my neck as I slide from the chair, straddling his lap.

He stands with me wrapped around him, and I don't know how he does it, but he manages to get us up the stairs and into his room. He tosses me onto the bed and boldly reaches under my dress to grip the black tights.

I kick my feet playfully as he pulls them down my legs.

_Less inhibited. _

I play with the words in my mind. I wonder if he was serious. If he really is willing to do it with me. As a general rule of thumb, I'll try anything once. I even tried acid twice before figuring out that I don't care for it. It's a weird first to share with Edward, but the timing is perfect. I don't have to go anywhere or drive, and I know he will take care of me.

"I do want. To try it, I mean," I tell him quietly.

"In a minute," he says, moving away from the bed. "I have one more present for you."

It's a small black, velvet box with a red ribbon tied around it. I untie it quickly and pop open the box. It's a pair of retro chandelier sapphire earrings.

"They're knockoffs, so don't get too excited. I saw you looking at some like these the last time we were in the vintage shop. These were there when I went back, and since sapphire is your birthstone, I had to get them."

Damn, he is awfully sweet. And thoughtful.

"Thank you," I tell him, climbing onto my knees in the center of his bed. "I'm sorry I didn't get you any presents. I didn't realize Valentine's Day was such a big deal." My fingers are twisting and untwisting on my lap.

"Weren't you and Jake together this time last year?" he asks quietly. His arms are stretched behind him, supporting his weight against the dresser.

"Yeah, well, I think we smoked out and ate pizza at the garage with the guys that weekend."

He shakes his head. "What a fucking tool." He pushes away from the dresser and sits on the bed right in front of me. "I don't need presents. I have you."

"Shut up." I shove his shoulder, and he comes back with a vengeance, knocking me on my ass and pinning me to the bed.

"I like it when you wear dresses." His voice is low and gravelly as his hand slides up my thigh. He teases a little before sliding his hands over my hips and gasping when his hands find flesh instead of material. "What the fuck are you wearing?" he moans.

"Oh, that's right!" I laugh and wiggle. "I did get a little something for you. But you have to unwrap me."

I'm tangled in my dress a moment later as he struggles to pull it over my head. I can tell he loves the panty set by the way he rids me of it immediately. "Stay right here," he says, moving away to undress. He opens the top drawer of the dresser, retrieving a condom and a silver tube. He digs his wallet from the pocket of his jeans and takes out his driver's license.

He tosses the items next to me before climbing up the bed to kneel between my legs.

"I think you should start with a little, since it's your first time," he says, twisting the lid off the silver cylinder. He holds up his license and pours a tiny hill of white powder onto it, bumping the vial with his pointer finger until he is satisfied. "This came from Jane, and I checked it when I bought it. You should always check it if you aren't sure about the source." He licks his finger before dabbing it into the little pile. I open my mouth when he places his finger at my lips. Then, he rubs a little on my bottom gum. It tastes like medicine, and my mouth is tingly. "It's like a local anesthetic, and your gum should be numb by now. Don't ever snort it if you aren't sure. One of my old teammates got sick because of some bad shit."

"I don't plan on taking it up as a hobby, but thanks for the info," I joke.

He motions for me to sit up. "Just hold one nostril closed and inhale deeply with the other. Huff it."

I sit up, leaning forward and trying to stamp out the last minute guilt and hesitation that always comes with experimentation. I do it quickly and then fall back against the pillows to wait and see what happens.

Edward keeps his eyes on me as he leans forward, shaking a choppy pile into my navel.

_Holy shit. _

He kisses my mouth first, until I am dizzy and panting and writhing beneath him. He lets his lips trail from my lips to skin of my neck, kissing lightly before scraping his teeth along my collarbone. I close my eyes and let my fingers move to grip his hair, pushing him down until he's sucking and kissing my nipples and setting my whole body on fire. When he runs his tongue across my ribs, I open my eyes because I want to watch him do it.

Seeing the top of his head moving lower and lower is enough to make me desperate. "Please," I whisper. I have no idea what I need, just that I need it now.

He kisses the skin just below my navel before inhaling deeply.

Then he starts the whole process of kissing and licking again, only moving north instead of south this time. He teases me, rubbing against me, but not penetrating. I shift, taking him by surprise as I draw him into my body.

He sits up on his knees, still inside me and begins to flex his hips. My legs are spread wide and bent at the knees, and both of my feet are flat on the bed. He moans when he looks down, and then places a hand on each of my knees for leverage.

I let my head fall back onto the pillow, vaguely registering his hands as they move to my waist. Holding. Pulling. He's deep. And I'm close. Instead of chasing the burn, I let it consume me, and for the first time with him inside me, it does. Heat licks at every cell in my body until I quake and whimper. "Fuck," he says, gritting his teeth. "God, that feels good. So fucking good."

Once I have recovered, I open my eyes and watch the beautiful boy I love take pleasure from my body. He slows, shifting his weight to stretch out on top of me. His skin is damp and cool on mine. Jesus. He worked up a sweat.

_That's so hot. _

I kiss him, tangling my fingers in his hair and wrapping my legs around his waist. My brain is circling around a singular idea. _This is fucking. _Cautious, tentative Edward took a hike the moment he inhaled coke from my belly button.

His lips leave mine as he stills with a final push and a groan.

"Wow," I whisper into his shoulder as his body falls onto mine. Little tiny kisses on the tip of my shoulder tickle me and when I shift, he wraps his arms around me, placing his forehead on mine.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks.

"Hell no," I tell him before kissing him firmly. "I liked it." Then, _Stupid Bella_ decides to take over. "Not that I don't always like it. Because I do. I love it. Every time. It was just different. Not _better _different. Just different."

_Just shut the fuck up already._

He laughs. "Bella, I liked it, too." His hand brushes away a stray lock of hair, tucking it behind my ear. "And for the record, I want to try all sorts of _different_ things with you." His grin is devilish, and I know that I absolutely want to let him.

-o-o-o-o-o-

We sleep late the next morning after staying up half the night, wired and too restless to sleep. We found a few interesting ways to pass the time.

Different IS good.

We hit Burger King a half hour too late to get breakfast. As usual, Edward gives me his pickles instead of just telling the cashier to hold them. We are discussing possible things to do this afternoon when he drops a bomb on me.

"I need to make time for a haircut. Banks said it has to go."

My burger hits the wrapper with a loud smack. First the glasses, now his hair?

_No fucking way. _

I cross my arms and narrow my eyes. "No."

"No?" he laughs. "Come on, Bella. He's ex-military, and he wants the team to look clean cut." He shrugs and then bites into his burger like cutting his beautiful hair off is no big deal.

And it really shouldn't be, but it pisses me off.

I finish my lunch quietly. It isn't rational to be mad at Edward, but I am. How hard could it be to tell that old buzzard to fuck off? I stew quietly in the car as he drives downtown and finds a parking spot in front of a barber shop.

He sighs as he turns off the ignition. "Are you coming in?" he asks quietly.

A good girlfriend would get her ass out of the car and stop acting like a big, fat baby. But I can't watch his hair drift into a pile on the floor. Nope.

He turns the key so I can listen to music and leans over to kiss my temple before he gets out of the car. I dig through the CD sleeve and almost pee my pants when I find the new Rollins Band release. Hardcore, angry music is just what I need right now.

That and a smoke. I light a Camel before rolling down the window and exhaling. God I hate the weekend before my period. Banks could not have picked a worse time to fuck with me. I remind myself over and over to stop being a bitch to Edward. Of course he can't cuss Banks out. I'm being ridiculous.

_Okay. I'm over it. _

And I really think I am, until he gets into the car. I take one look at his hair, see all the curls have been cut away, and I burst into tears.

"Jesus, Bella, what's wrong?" he asks, pulling me into his arms.

"I feel like a stupid asshole, crying because of a haircut. But really, it's more than that. Everything is different. We hardly see each other at all away from school, I really loved your hair, and I'm going to be on the rag for the next five or six days starting tomorrow," I ramble.

"Oh." Silence. "OH." Now, he gets it. _His girlfriend is a freak with PMS._ "I'm sorry," he whispers. "What can I do?"

"Nothing," I tell him, wiping my face. "It's not your fault. I just get bitchy and whiny sometimes. I'll probably wake up with a huge zit tomorrow, so be prepared."

He laughs as he releases me. "I'll pretend not to notice."

"Thanks, butthead." I try to sound stern, but I'm fighting a smile. I lean back to inspect his hair. It's short, but it isn't terrible. I won't be tugging on it anytime soon, that much is certain. "It isn't so bad," I whisper.

"It will grow back, you know," he insists. "Why don't we go to a movie? _Wayne's World _opened last night. I guarantee it will cheer you up."

"Sounds good."

He opens the glove compartment and hands me a mini-pack of Kleenex. I work on making myself presentable as he drives the few blocks to the theater.

We make it just in time to get snacks and catch the one o'clock movie. The theater is almost empty, and Edward chooses seats in the center of the very last row. We share popcorn and Spree and a few buttery kisses in the dark.

He's right. By the time we step into the afternoon sun, I do feel better. I like his haircut a little better too. Or I hate it a little less. I'm not sure which, but he still looks good. I mean, it's Edward. In some ways, it makes him look a little older, but the stupid barber trimmed and thinned his sideburns too.

Different. Funny how last night _different _was good. Today, it kinda sucks.

Emmett is waiting for us on the back steps when we get back to Edward's house. "Edward, man, you know I love you, right?"

"What the hell did you do?" I ask before Edward has a chance.

"I invited a few people over. You know…a sort of belated birthday shindig."

_Asshole fucker. Stupid big oaf. Shit for brains. _

"Damn, Emmett. We were going to be having sex tonight," I tell him deliberately. He cringes. "Lots of loud, horny, sweaty, disgusting sex!" He makes a gagging noise. "We're still going to. So, you and your little friends have to leave by eleven."

He grunts. "Damn, Edward, are you going to let her talk to me like that?"

"Yes. Evidently I'm going to get really great sex as part of the deal."

"You are so pussy-whipped. It is disgusting Edward. If I ever settle on one chick, she needs to be docile. Her nickname is going to be _yeshoney _and if I want to party all night long she'll be like 'yes honey.'"

"Emmett," I say with a step forward. "If you ever say some misogynistic bullshit like that in front of me again, I will kick your ass." I'm eye level with his chest, which isn't scary or impressive. But I stick my fists on my hips for emphasis anyway.

"You know I'm just messing with you. Now, please go out back and smoke one. We are going to move the breakables to the spare bedroom upstairs."

"Who the fuck did you invite?" Edward asks.

"The norm. And a couple of guys from the team." He looks away. "I also told Tanya when she checked me out at Safeway. She said she gets off at eight."

"Tanya," I mutter. "That's just lovely, Em. Awesome. I think I will go out back and smoke one to keep myself from killing you."

I don't remember the last time I was this pissed off at Emmett. He deliberately ruined our night. Edward told him no parties last week. And the guest list? Salt in the wound.

But then I think of him standing on Alice's porch, soaking wet, ready to celebrate my birthday. He probably didn't do it on purpose. Boys just don't think.

I sit out back for long time and smoke more than half of a joint. I can be nice for one night. The boys can drink, and I'll keep an eye on things. That's my gift to Esme. I don't want her beautiful house to get trashed.

Felix shows up first with the booze. His older brother works in a liquor store, so he can get it at a moment's notice. Emmett carries in several sacks of groceries from the Jeep. There are plastic cups, sodas, cranberry and orange juices, and chips and dips. And beneath all that, his new bong lies at the bottom of the huge paper sack.

_Fuck. _

He bought the supplies for his own damn birthday party. I call Edward into the kitchen and shoo Emmett away. Once I explain the situation to Edward, he offers me sixty dollars his dad left on the counter for him yesterday. I add a twenty and call in an order for pizza delivery.

Then, I set to work making three batches of Esme's brownies for the birthday boy and his party guests.

I slide all three pans into the oven before closing the door and setting the timer. The pizza should be here any minute. I munch on Cool Ranch Doritos and keep an eye on the timer. Really, I'm hiding out. The doorbell has chimed a few times since I've been in here, and each time, I expect Tanya to show up at the kitchen door on some kind of float.

Instead, Jane and Charlotte wander in giggling and stumbling and already quite fucked up.

"Dude, what the fuck is up with Edward's hair?" Jane asks with her arm buried in the Doritos bag.

I sigh. "Banks."

"He looks like a prep. In plaid flannel," Charlotte giggles.

"Shut up," I mumble. "Make sure you guys have a DD. This isn't a sleepover."

Emmett may have only mentioned this impromptu birthday bash to a few people, but in small circles, things like this have a way of snowballing. Tonight is no exception.

By the time I take the brownies out of the oven, there are thirty or so kids laughing and talking and eating up all the pizza. I steal a piece of pepperoni on my way to look for Edward.

I find him near the front door talking to Ben, Aaron, and Irina. They are all staring at his head, so I know right away they must be discussing the stupid haircut. She steps in close to him, raising her hand like she is going to run her fingers through his hair.

He steps back so quickly, it's almost comical. Her hand dangles ridiculously in the air for a few moments before she excuses herself, asking for instructions to the bathroom.

"I'll show you where it is," I tell her.

She looks surprised, but follows me. I lead her down the hall and stop in front of the door in question. I pause with my hand on the knob. "You do know he doesn't even know your name, right?" It's mean and cruel, but I want to kill this swiftly and be done with it.

I push the door open gently and flip the light switch for her. She brushes past me and turns to face me.

"Yet." The word hangs in the air between us.

"I'll introduce you later. So you won't seem so…pathetic." Her smile falters, and I leave her standing there. "Hold the handle down or it won't flush," I say over my shoulder.

She stays close to Aaron for most of the night. Tanya, Rosalie, and Royce show up a little after nine. But for the most part, it is our normal crowd.

Edward is a smart drinker. He spaces out his shots over time, munches on chips, and stays on his feet. Emmett, on the other hand, is clearly going to be spending the night in the guest room.

When they start a new round of shots in the kitchen, I slip out to the garage for a joint. I've hit the bong periodically on the back porch, but I need a few minutes of quiet. Alone.

Jane and Charlotte have been awesome djs tonight. The family stereo is even nicer than Edward's. They have some sort of Bose surround sound system with a CD changer. I can hear the beat of "Groove is in the Heart" through the wall. Right now, Deee-Lite is in rotation with Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Enigma, and Fleetwood Mac. I don't know how the haphazard combination works, but it does.

Everything else is peaceful and cold. I like people. In small doses. I like parties for one reason and one reason only. I like to get stoned. I don't like playing hostess to band of merry juvenile delinquents.

The music gets louder momentarily as someone joins me in the garage.

"Would it be tacky to ask you to share that?" Ben asks as he approaches. "I'm designated driver tonight, so I'm bone dry and about to go nuts listening to Tanya and Irina compare bronzers."

"In that case, no, it isn't tacky." I hand him the joint because he probably needs it as much as I do, and a few hits shouldn't affect his ability to drive.

"So, I've been wondering," he exhales. "Do you have a partner yet for the group presentation in Anderson's class?"

"No, it doesn't start until next grading period."

"We should work together. We could knock it out in no time," he says.

"If you'll do the oral presentation, I'll do the research." I hate public speaking. HATE IT. I've been known to puke on occasion.

"We'll split the research, I'll do the talking, and you can Vanna White the visuals."

Damn. That's a good deal. "Done," I tell him.

His grades are good, so I won't have to worry about iffy research from him. And he is obviously willing to pull his weight. I have to give him props for not pulling the jock card and sticking the research to the nerd.

We smoke in silence for a few minutes. I have to ask. "Hey, Ben, what's the deal with you and Irina?"

There are rumors. There are always rumors. Poor Angela obsesses over them. I just want to try to understand her sudden interest in Edward.

"Irina is convenient. She's sweet and she's smoking hot, but talking to her is torture."

Angela is smart. She's shy, but interesting. "I have a friend," I tell him.

"Stop right there," he says, holding up a hand. "I don't do blind dates. Besides, I have someone in mind. I just haven't worked out all the details."

"Well, Angela is really sweet and cute. She's a little shy-"

"The church mouse?" he asks. "She isn't my type. Thanks, but I can handle it."

Well, damn. That didn't go as well as I'd hoped. My matchmaking skills are zero. Edward comes out as I am stubbing the joint.

"I've been looking for you," he says, pulling me into his side. "Mmmm," he moans. "You smell like weed and lilacs." Edward is buzzing. Fuck. I like the way his eyes are kind of half closed and lazy. "Ben, dude, you have to get these fuckers out of my house. Bella and I had plans for tonight."

"Sure, man. I'll start clearing out the crowd. Most of the girls have eleven o'clock curfews, anyway. Do you need help with Emmett?" he asks when he reaches the door.

"He's still standing. We should be good. Bella is a drunk-Emmett expert," Edward says proudly.

It's actually after midnight when the last person finally leaves. Emmett is complete toast. He's slurring and rutting against inanimate objects as Edward and I try to get him out of the family room and up the stairs.

It's a struggle, but we make it. I leave them alone, returning downstairs to check the locks and turn off the lights.

There are red Solo cups on every visible surface. Broken chips on the floor. Pizza boxes stacked in the corner of the dining room. I wipe down the surface of the kitchen counter to clean away brownie crumbs and a suspicious white residue that I'm sure was left by Charlotte and Jane.

The rest…Well, the boys can deal with it in the morning. I meant what I said about not being his momma. I'm not his maid either.

-o-

**A/N- I want to make it clear that I don't condone kids using drugs. I have an eleven year old son and an eight year old daughter, and when I think about the possibility of them doing the things my friends and I did as teenagers…well, I'm surprised I haven't stroked out yet. **

**So, say it with me, "Drugs are bad." So are underage drinking and sex. I'm not trying to glorify any of it, but all of these things were a very big part of the teen 'subcultures' of the time in question. No, Bella is not going to get strung out on coke. She is, at heart, a Mary Jane lover and will remain so.**

**Enigma was extremely popular sex music, especially the album MCMXC a.D..**


	14. Chapter 14

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own Snickers Easter candy, but it will be long gone by the time you read this. **

**As always, thank you, M. Any leftover mistakes belong to me. **

***Warnings* Drugs and sex. **

Chapter 14

_I'm on your side Are you too blind to see  
>I'm on your side You know I'm not the enemy<br>Don't push me away There's nothing to hide  
>I won't betray you baby<br>I love you babe I'm on your side_

_(I'm on Your Side- Divinyls)_

_-o-_

I might not be able to give Angela the boy of her dreams, but I do help her score her first job. She was the first person who came to mind when Esme asked if I would recommend someone to work for her. Angela is responsible. She doesn't go to any of the parties, and she takes care of her little brothers after school until her mom gets home. The weekend hours and flexibility are perfect for her.

The only other girls I hang with at school are Jane and Charlotte. There is no way in hell I would recommend either of them. They've been a little unpredictable lately. Feeling that way about them makes me feel like such a snob. I know it's hypocritical, but damn. Showing up at a school event, while trippin, is beyond ridiculous.

I earn my very first _real_ paycheck the last weekend in February. Carlisle hired Esme to cater a retirement party for a sweet, old nurse leaving the pediatric unit behind for a beach house in Florida.

I watch as Esme puts the final touches on the cake. Those classes really paid off. It's a huge sheet cake with intricate icing roses on each corner. The writing is beautiful cursive and centered perfectly. I don't think a bakery could have done a better job.

The party takes up most of the afternoon. By the time Esme and I drop off Angela and pick up a couple of pizzas, Edward is already home from practice. And freshly showered. I like him sweaty and dirty, but when he smells like this, and his hair is wet…Damn. Just damn.

The short hair is growing on me. I can't pull it, but I can still run my fingers through it.

And it is entirely inappropriate for me to be thinking about the last time I had my fingers in his hair while sitting at the kitchen table next to Esme. This is what happens when I go six days without sex. I think about it all the time. Edward's schedule during the week is insane. He hasn't made it to bed before midnight a single night this week. Weekday sex is a thing of the past. And I hate it.

Esme tries to wait up for Carlisle, but she falls asleep during the local news. Edward and I tiptoe quietly up the stairs, so we can get a quickie in before his dad comes home. I start undressing the moment I cross the threshold of his bedroom. I grab a condom from the drawer as he wrestles out of his jeans. I fall onto his bed naked and needy, and he falls on me in the same condition.

We haven't had a repeat of Valentine's Day, but it isn't due to a lack of effort on Edward's part. I can tell it is starting to frustrate him, and I've contemplated faking it just to avoid his irritated disappointment.

I try to push those thoughts out of my head. Worrying about it won't help. He looks so damn serious, like he's trying to translate Spanish. I push on his shoulder.

"Stop," I tell him.

He stills, looking down at me like I'm crazy. I push him off of me completely until he is on his back. I follow, straddling him and kissing his neck.

"You need to relax," I tell him, shifting my hips.

"But you-"

"It feels good for me every time. Like getting off mentally, even if it doesn't always happen physically."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better, or worse?" he asks sarcastically.

"Please, Edward." I can't do this now. Not now. This is the first time we've been naked together for almost a week, and he's spoiling it. I kiss his neck, trying to make him forget and just feel. Neither of us is going to enjoy this if he's having performance anxiety the entire time.

I've never done it this way before. Ever. It's a little awkward at first. I try not to be embarrassed, but he's watching, and he can see everything. I have to close my eyes. Once I do, my worries disappear as something else takes over. With freedom comes the joy of finding what feels good and taking it.

Later, we lie in his bed, fully dressed with my leg thrown over his, watching _Saturday Night Live. _Carlisle checks in on us when he gets home from work. Edward falls asleep minutes later.

I pull away slowly, trying not to wake him, but his arms lock in place around me.

"Don't go." His eyes are still closed, and he's so, so warm.

"I have to go home."

He groans, but releases me. By the time I get my shoes on, he's waiting at the door, watching me with a sleepy smile on his face.

"You could have slept. I can lock the door behind me."

"Bella, it's nearly midnight. There is no way I am going to let you walk out to your truck alone this late at night. Will you let me drive you home? You can get your truck tomorrow."

I huff. I've been out way later than this, doing way worse things. I'm not some delicate little flower.

"I'm guessing that's a _no,_" he mutters.

I slip into my Army jacket, and gather my things quietly. We move silently through the house, and, when we reach the porch, I pause to survey the neighborhood. There isn't a person in sight.

"You're right," I tell him sarcastically. "This is dangerous. I definitely need my big, strong boyfriend to protect me from all those things that go bump in the night." I squeeze his bicep for emphasis and giggle.

"Ha. Ha," he deadpans.

He walks me all the way to my truck and opens the door for me. "Will you at least call when you get home? I'll feel better knowing you're okay."

"Okay. I'll call," I promise.

_Even if you are being an over-protective idiot._

But, he's my idiot, and I love him. I tell him so, and kiss him goodbye.

The drive to Renee's is uneventful. She's sitting up in bed reading a Danielle Steel book. The woman teaches Shakespeare and Chaucer, and she reads Danielle Steel in her spare time for kicks. I don't get it.

She places the book in her lap. "How was the job?"

"It was cool."

"How is Edward? I haven't seen him around these last couple of weeks."

"He's busy." _Duh. _"Baseball, homework…you know."

The shrill ring of my phone is a welcome distraction.

"I need to answer this or Edward will send out a search party," I tell her over my shoulder as I walk away.

The answering machine picks up before I can get to the receiver. As soon as I get a dial tone, I call him back. He's sleepy, and so am I, so we don't talk long.

Sunday is a blur. Edward and I spend the afternoon together, lazing in my room, but he leaves early because he hasn't cracked a book all weekend.

The rest of the week is a repeat of last week. No Edward. The only kisses we manage are in the stairwell next to Banner's classroom. By Friday, I am frustrated and ready for the weekend. The first game of the season is in two weeks, so I'm relieved to be going to Forks. It's much better than sitting around in my room waiting for Edward to find five minutes for a phone call.

He has practice today after school and tomorrow morning. He looks tired, so I let him off the hook and tell him not to come to Forks tonight. He says he'll come right after practice tomorrow morning.

"Noon," I remind him. I don't know what the girls have planned for tonight, but it will probably involve staying up late.

"Noon," he repeats, leaning in for a kiss.

I keep it short and sweet. I'm tired of getting myself all worked up for nothing. If I'm lucky, Charlie will have plans for tomorrow. If not, well…another week won't kill me.

I drive straight to Alice's house. A bunch of the kids from Forks are having a bonfire out at First Beach tonight. I haven't been to one in forever, and it sounds like fun.

Leah offers to be the DD for the night. She is scheduled to work at eight in the morning, and she doesn't want to be hung over. She drives. I roll. And we smoke a fat one before stopping at the diner for takeout.

We make it to the res before sunset, and there are already several people down on the beach, stacking wood and setting out coolers. We sit in Leah's car, pigging out on chili cheese fries and burgers, watching the waves and the colors of the sky and the boys playing football on the beach.

Tyler waves as he walks by with a huge boombox on his shoulder. I don't recognize the three girls trailing after him, but they look kind of young.

"Freshmen," Carmen explains.

Jasper and Garrett show up minutes later. We all smoke again before we hit the beach. The local rock station is having an hour-long _Get the Led Out _and hearing Zeppelin makes me miss Edward so much it hurts. Or maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, since I'm stuck sitting between Alice and Jasper and Garrett and Carmen. Regardless, I stand and wander closer to the water, away from the fire.

I walk further up the beach until the music and laughter sound muted compared to the lightly crashing waves. This is my favorite spot. It always has been. There's an old trunk to lean against, and it is easy to stay out of sight. I rest my head against the wood, closing my eyes, and savoring the scent of timber and sea salt.

I lose track of time, but I can tell more people have joined our little party. Or maybe everybody is drunk and that's why they sound so much louder. I make my way back to the fire and accept a beer from Mike on my way over to Leah.

There are a few tense moments when Jessica shows up holding hands with Lee. Everyone looks at Mike, including myself. He plays it cool, offering Lee a beer from the cooler without even glancing at Jessica.

It's so weird to see Mike and Jess acting like strangers. She leaves Lee with the guys, so she can join us by the fire. She scoots in close, holding her hands out for warmth.

"We're just friends," she says before any of us have a chance to ask.

"Sure you are, sweetie," Carmen giggles.

If anyone gets it, it's Carmen. None of us know what the hell she and Garrett are.

Once I stomach through the first beer, the rest are easy. It tastes like shit, but the buzz is kind of cool. I cut myself off after four. This is going pretty well, and I don't want to puke.

I forgot how much fun these kids can be. Such a contrast to my daily life. In this place, it doesn't matter what shoes you wear or if you're metal or Top40. You can be Walmart or Ralph Lauren. These are just good people and good times.

Carmen spends the night. She is working at her dad's store tomorrow, so we set the alarm for eleven.

Charlie is reading the paper at the kitchen table when I come downstairs at noon.

"Good morning," he says. "Or should I say good afternoon?" He glances at his watch.

"Sorry," I mumble.

He grins. "Enjoy it while you can, kid. Once upon a time, I liked to sleep late too."

"Is this your way of telling me to get a J-O-B?" I tease.

I fill him in on my new part-time job. He's cool with me working some of the weekends I'm scheduled to be in Forks, as long as I spend at least one night. It sounds like a good compromise.

We have a light lunch, and one o'clock rolls around with no sign of Edward.

"Bells, have you had the oil changed since you started driving?" Charlie asks as I'm clearing the table.

"No." He didn't tell me to, so I didn't do it. I don't know jack about cars.

"It's been almost six months. Damn. You need to have the oil changed every three months."

"Well, now that I know, I will," I tell him.

I try calling Edward, but the phone rings and rings until his answering machine picks up. The shop is closed on Sundays, so I decide to make a quick trip to get this oil change out of the way. If Edward shows up, he can hang out with Charlie until I get back.

Jake and Quil are tinkering on that damn Rabbit again.

"Hey," I call out, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets. They both turn to me and grin. "Got time for an oil change?"

"Always, babe," Quil says, wiping his hand on an already filthy rag. He winks as he pulls a Red from the pack in his shirt pocket.

I toss him my keys, and they get to work. Quil rings me up while Jake changes the oil. He doesn't charge me for the labor, only the cost of the new oil. His father is handing over the shop completely when Quil graduates in May. He sounds excited as he tells me about his plan to design custom cars and trucks for competitions.

I envy Quil. He wants this. He's eighteen years old, and he has his whole future planned. He already knows this will make him happy. He doesn't have to pick a school or decide on a major. He gets to just show up and do something he loves. Me? I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

I congratulate him. He's an ass, but he's a cool ass, and he's one of the few people who never took sides when Jake and I split up.

He cashes out the four dollars I hand him for quarters, and we start a game of 21 on the work counter. I'm up two bucks when Jake finishes with my truck. He brings me a Coke from the vending machine and settles in next to Quil to watch.

I am celebrating a win with a "soft" eighteen when the bell above the office door rings. I glance over my shoulder in time to catch a chilling glance from my boyfriend.

"Can I help you?" Quil asks, smiling.

"Um, this is Edward, my boyfriend," I tell him, spinning around on my stool so I can step down and figure out what to do next.

"Nice to meet you," Quil says, shaking Edward's hand.

"You too." Edward's voice is calm, but he's tense, and I can tell he's angry.

"Well, it was good to see you guys. Thanks for the oil change." I grab my bag and catch Edward's hand on my way out the door.

"Meet you at my house?" I call over my shoulder as I turn to get in my truck.

He nods and disappears inside the Volvo.

_Butthead. _

I can feel his eyes burning imaginary holes into the back of my head during the drive back to Forks. I don't know what has his boxers in a twist, but we're going to settle this today.

The squad car is gone by the time we reach the house. Charlie must have gotten a call.

Edward parks on the street and meets me at the front door. I unlock it and stroll in casually, tossing my bag onto the floor.

"Do you want something to drink?" I keep walking until I reach the kitchen. I take one can from the fridge since he didn't bother to answer.

When I turn, he's standing in the doorway, arms crossed with an unreadable look on his face.

"What?" I ask defensively.

"Is there some reason you were hanging out with your ex this afternoon?" he asks quietly.

"I was getting an oil change. Charlie had a fit when he found out I've been driving for six months without one."

"You were playing cards and smoking. You were hanging out."

"Okay. I played a couple of games and lost track of the time," I admit. "But you don't have any room to talk." I ball my hands into fists and rest them on my hips. "You said you would be here at noon. I left this house at two thirty. Two thirty, Edward. You didn't answer your phone, and you didn't call, so don't you dare try to pin this all on me."

I have to remind myself over and over not to stomp my foot. This is important, and I want him to know it.

"I went to lunch with the guys, and then I went home for a quick shower. I was probably on my way when you called." He takes a few tentative steps in my direction. "There was a note on the door. I guess Charlie left it. I'm not sure what I expected to find, but it wasn't you joking around with the guy I had to listen to you cry over."

"That's not fair," I tell him, shaking my head. "I can't stay angry at Jake forever, Edward. If he hadn't done what he did, you and I wouldn't be together now."

"I would have stolen you away from him," he whispers, moving closer until I can feel his chest against mine.

"Don't be sweet after starting a fight," I mumble.

"I'm sorry I was late. I was starving, and I lost track of time, too. I should have called."

I let him hug me, and I hug him back.

"I really only went there for an oil change," I tell him again.

"I know. The note said as much. It's just hard seeing you with him."

"Please don't feel that way. We're barely friends. More like uncomfortable acquaintances. He's always going to be around because of our families. I can't change that. There is too much history to keep up the animosity over a phase we're both clearly over."

I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to cuddle with my boyfriend for a few minutes. This has been a long, shitty week, and I want to relax.

"Can we just sit for a while? Maybe talk?" I ask.

He takes my hand and leads me to the sofa in the living room. We sit as close as possible without being in each other's laps.

"So, what did you do last night?" he asks.

I lean against him and play with his fingers as I tell him about bonfires and beer. We make tentative plans for cliff diving and a bonfire during Spring Break.

"I missed you," I tell him. "There were couples everywhere."

His night was much different. He and Emmett met some of the other members of the team at the baseball field after dark. They did shots of Jack Daniel's and played. For fun. Without some asshole coach yelling at them the entire time.

The baseball thing was supposed to make him happy. He just doesn't seem very happy. And things with us have been strained. He's always tired or busy, and I know it's pathetic, but I'm lonely.

"He treats practice like clinics, Bella. We run drills. I want to play. Last night was so much fun."

"Maybe it will be better once the season starts," I tell him. "At least you'll be playing then."

"Two more weeks," he agrees. "Thanks for reminding me."

He shifts, and I snuggle closer into his side.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly into my hair. "I'm sorry I was late and didn't call." He clears his throat. "And I'm sorry I blew up about Jake."

"I forgive you…a little," I tell him.

"Just a little?" He frowns.

"I think you should make it up to me." I lean back and bring my pointer finger to my neck. "Here."

He grins, licking his lips. I feel the tickle of his breath on my skin for a moment. Then it is lips and wet kisses, and damn he likes to nibble. He pulls on my hips until I'm pinned beneath him on the couch.

When he leans in again, I think he's going to kiss me, but he attacks my neck instead. He kisses lower and lower until he's brushing his lips over my nipple. I want my shirt off. I try to move, but he's on a mission, and he won't budge. Except to switch boobs.

Fuck. Nothing should feel this good with clothes on.

He drags my shirt up with his hands and drops tiny kisses below my navel. He unbuttons my jeans and lowers the zipper slowly. I forget how to breathe when I feel his lips moving across white cotton.

He looks up at me. "Can I make it up to you here?" he asks, leaning in and kissing below the belt. Again.

"Aaah." I am trying to talk, but I can't think. And I just don't know if I'm ready for _that. _

A car door slams loudly outside.

"Fuck," Edward groans.

Charlie's thirty second warning.

My pants are zipped up in 15, and by the time my dad opens the door, Edward and I are on opposite ends of the couch with my feet in his lap.

"Hey, Daddy." I stare at the TV, and even I am impressed with the nonchalance I manage in my greeting.

Charlie glances at his watch. "Do you guys want to grab a bite at the diner? My treat," he offers.

"That's sounds great, Chief." Edward is talking to my dad, but his eyes are on mine. "I'm starving."

I swallow. I don't know if he meant for that to sound as dirty as it did. Or maybe my brain is still trying to compute what my body was all but begging for.

I sit in the back of the squad car on the way to dinner, and part of me thinks I deserve to be arrested for being an idiot. I can't believe we let things get that far. In Charlie's house, no less. Fooling around while Dad is at work is one thing. Fooling around when his whereabouts are unknown is just, well, foolish.

Charlie invites Edward to go fishing, and Edward promises to check his game schedule to find a free Saturday.

The rest of the evening is spent curled up on the couch while the guys watch _Die Hard 2. _Edward and I share a blanket and a bowl of heavily buttered popcorn.

Charlie is working the early shift tomorrow morning, so he turns in early. I decide to make good on my threat to make Edward watch my favorite movie. We stretch out on Charlie's couch with my back to his front and my head on his shoulder. He watches quietly, holding my hand in the dark, and he doesn't say a word when my tears soak the sleeve of his shirt. He just tightens his arm around my waist and lets me be a girl for a little while.

_This. This is what makes it all worth it. _

-o-o-o-o-o-

Report card day sucks. Not for me, but for Edward. He has a C in Spanish. He has never in his life made below a B on a report card. Now, he's totally freaking out at the lunch table.

"My God, you are blowing this way out of proportion," I tell him. "You aren't failing, and it is a high C, so you can still play."

He looks at me like I'm crazy. "How many have you made, Bella? Or, better yet, how many times have you had a B on a report card?"

I huff. This is stupid. He stares at me expectantly until I finally answer. "Two."

Then he looks at me like he's proved some kind of point.

"If you're really that worried about it, I can tutor you. I'll help you with your homework and help you study," I offer.

"I don't know," he says. "Sometimes, I can't even get started on my homework until nine."

This proves to be true over the next few days. He calls around nine, and we chat and do his Spanish homework together. I quiz him on vocabulary words and make him conjugate the weirdest words I can think of.

Every day, the circles under Edward's eyes get a little darker, and I wonder how much sleep he is getting at night. In the mornings, he is a tired, grouchy pain in the neck, but by lunchtime he's awake and normal again.

He falls asleep Friday night while we're watching TV with his parents after dinner. I'm pretty sure he is down for the count, so I tell his parents goodnight and go home.

Saturday, Renee has a dinner and dancing date with her new beau. Edward and I are staying in. And locking the door. And telling Emmett we're dead.

She tells me not to wait up on her way out the door. I shudder, and Edward smiles beside me. We wait until we hear the car back out of the driveway to start peeling each other's clothes off.

An hour later, his stomach rumbles, reminding us that at some point we need to get up and leave this bed. We order Chinese food and smoke a bowl behind the carport while we wait for it to be delivered.

We don't do much of anything. We eat and then watch TV in my bed for a while. He doesn't mention school or baseball, and we don't fight. A tickling match turns naughty, and we end up naked again.

As I watch him leave, I'm actually sad this night is over. It was the first time we've really had fun together in…well, too long. Surely we are making this harder than it needs to be.

The next week, things become even more complicated. Ben starts bugging me during lunch about our stupid project that isn't due for 5 weeks. It irritates the hell out of Edward, but Ben doesn't seem to notice. He also doesn't notice the way Angela can't keep herself from looking at him. And it makes me feel like shit because he keeps coming around. By Wednesday, I've had enough.

I agree to meet with him in the library Thursday during lunch so we can set up an outline and divvy the work. Edward doesn't speak to me during Biology.

_Jesus. _

I cannot win. He wants me to be friendly. But he's mad when I am?

I kiss him goodbye at the end of the day, and instead of amazing, it feels like a habit. The sinking feeling in my gut is impossible to ignore.

I don't answer the phone when it rings at ten o'clock. My voice is snotty from crying, and I don't want to explain what's wrong when he asks. And I know he would ask. So, I still don't answer when it rings again fifteen minutes later.

He meets me at my truck Thursday morning and greets me with a smile and a kiss. A toe-tingling, _makes me want to pull him on top of me in the cab of the truck_ kiss.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Our time is already so limited, and I didn't like the idea of not having you at lunch."

"I don't like it either, but you and I both know I can't meet with him after school."

"I know," he agrees. "I was an ass, and I'm sorry." He kisses the skin beneath my ear and whispers, "Forgive me?"

"Always."

Later, he comes with me to the library and works on homework while Ben and I work out the details of our project. We agree to meet again next week to discuss our progress.

Coach Banks is giving the guys the night off so they will be rested for tomorrow's game. Because one night is really going to make a difference.

It is nice to be able to hang out at Edward's house after school, though. Esme is chatty, so Edward and I work on homework at the kitchen table and talk with her for a while.

I leave early so Edward can get to bed early. He really does need some sleep. I have plans for him this weekend.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Friday finally fucking arrives and it's game day. Edward shows up for first period wearing a long-sleeve, white, button up Polo shirt and khakis. A cold feeling settles in my stomach because it is almost like looking at a whole different person.

I want **my** Edward back. I want him to wear his glasses and throw out those stupid contacts. I want to run my fingers through crazy, unfettered hair. I want to feel the warmth of flannel when I snake my arms around him.

I can't bury my face in a starched dress shirt.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" I snap.

_Calm the fuck down. _

"Coach wants us in dress clothes for the assembly this afternoon," he says evenly. "Is there something _wrong _with what I am wearing, Bella?" The calm in his voice is offset by the way he is glaring at me.

"No, it's fine." It is anything BUT fine, but I don't want to fight, and class is about to start.

"Fine, huh? Then why are you looking at me the way you look at Rosalie Hale?" he bites angrily.

I'm shocked into silence. He looks so…angry and _hurt_. An apology is on the tip of my tongue, but I can't get it out. To be honest, I'm angry and hurt too, and I'm not sure why. I just want my boyfriend back.

"Do you two need a minute out in the hall?" Mr. Wells asks sarcastically.

"No, sir, we're done," Edward says, not bothering to look away from me.

We take our seats, and I try to pay attention to the lesson on Orwell. It's hard to focus because I can hear every sound Edward is making behind me.

Midway through class, he kicks the back corner of my desk. I glance down as his foot moves and a folded piece of paper is revealed. I sigh and retrieve it.

_I don't want to fight._

I ball it up and throw it in my backpack. I don't want to fight either, but I need a little time to cool off.

After class, I turn to him before he even has time to get out of his desk. "I'm sorry. I don't want to fight either. I just…it's weird." I wave my hand, gesturing at his ensemble. He looks handsome. Deadly handsome, but not like Edward.

"You've seen me in dress clothes before," he insists.

"Yeah, but we were on a date."

"Bella, come on. You're just being difficult."

_I'm being difficult. I'm being difficult?_

I throw my backpack over my shoulder and leave him sitting there. I grab Angela's arm when I reach the hall, dragging her to Algebra II, and I don't look back to see if he is following.

By lunch, I'm feeling better. Edward looks remorseful, and I'm finally feeling a little sorry myself. We both start apologizing at the same time. I laugh a little, and he finally relaxes, pulling me into a hug.

"I have a flannel in the car. I can go out and get it if it makes you feel better," he whispers.

I manage a sad little smile for him. "You don't have to do that. I'm sorry. It just took me by surprise."

We eat quickly and sneak out of the cafeteria halfway through lunch. The stairwell next to Banner's room is always empty this time of day.

He has me up against the wall the moment the door closes behind us. The sound of my zipper lowering is the only warning I have. Minutes later, his warm fingers have me moaning into his mouth. I am crushed between his body and the wall, writhing against his hand.

He kisses me as he slips his hand out of my pants.

I can feel him hard against my stomach, and I know I can't leave him all wound up before his first game. I don't really care for hand jobs. We're also working with a limited amount of time here.

I drop to my knees, reach for his buckle, and beg him with my eyes to let me do this for him.

Edward has amazing longevity during sex. But he doesn't stand a chance in my mouth. Usually, it only takes a few minutes for him to come.

Today is no exception. We both get carried away. I don't know if it is because of the earlier fight or the idea of doing something so bad in public. I moan around him and add my hand. It spurs him on. Both of his hands are on my head, not pushing or forcing, but keeping my hair out of my face so he can watch. And knowing that he's watching makes me even hotter. It is like a sinful cycle of lust.

He warns me like the gentleman he is. I push further, and I don't think it's intentional, but he pushes too, tightening his grip on my hair as he slides deeper. I try to stay relaxed, thinking of Leah's instructions to breathe through my nose. He tilts my head back to make eye contact moments before he whisper shouts my name, clenching his eyes shut.

Yep. Less messy too.

My nipples are still hard when we take our seats in Bio, and I shift on my seat trying to relieve some of the ache between my legs. I can't stop thinking about the stairwell. I am going to fuck him tonight even if I have to do it in the Volvo.

He shoves his notebook over.

_Stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking. _

_I can smell you on my fingers and the look on _

_your face isn't helping. _

Oh, God, that's gross. But hot. And thinking it is hot makes me feel gross. He smiles, and I look away.

He scribbles a note quickly before slowly pushing it toward me.

_Stop thinking what you're thinking now too. _

_I LOVE the way you smell. _

_AND the way you taste._

It takes a moment for it to sink in.

_The way I taste. But we've never…_

Edward stares at me intently as he raises his hand to his chin and places the tip of his finger between his lips. To anyone else, it might look like he is biting a nail in concentration. But I know what he's doing.

He's been patient with me, but he wants to do it. And I can't figure out what my hang up is. Carmen says I must be completely mental. I'm beginning to think she's right. Every time I think I'm ready, I freeze at the last minute.

Several times a week, he finds some way to remind me. I guess his plan is to make me think about it, so I'll _think _about it. Not that I don't already think about it because I do. I even have wicked dreams about it.

I shake my head and give him a disapproving look. He faces forward to pay attention to Banner, but I see the smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He knows he's winning.

We dismiss to the gym for the assembly.

Edward gets to sit on a hard, plastic chair under one of the basketball nets with the rest of the team. I get to cram in between Felix and Jane on the bleachers.

"How do you like the new stuff?" she asks as I place my backpack between my feet.

"It's good," I tell her. It is good. I just hate her skeezy boyfriend, Lonnie, who also happens to be the new hook up. He talks to Jane like she is a piece of trash, and the worst part is she lets him.

Mr. Greene steps up to a standing microphone that has been placed just beneath the other basketball net. He congratulates the cheerleaders on their recent victory at Regionals. And lucky us. They're going to perform their winning routine.

He steps back as cheerleaders run by on each side of him. They meet in the center of the gym, smiling and waving like they're movie stars. The whole thing is nauseating. They perform some long dance routine to a Technotronic song from the 80s.

When it's over, Coach Banks steps up to the mic. He yammers on and on about what an honor it has been to coach baseball here at PA for the last 27 years and officially announces his upcoming retirement to the entire school. Kids clap and some stand, but I keep my ass planted and roll my eyes.

He talks about how fantastic this year's team is. He introduces the boys, one at a time. They each stand when their name is called.

"This is the dumbest shit," Felix mutters.

"No doubt," I concur.

Jane laughs as the kids around us cheer and clap. I don't care if my boyfriend is on the team; this is lame. The whole thing lasts about 45 minutes, and Mr. Greene, in a rare moment of human decency, dismisses school early. It probably has nothing to do with the game against Klahowya at 4 o'clock. Right.

Edward pushes his way through the crowd, meeting me at the bottom of the bleachers.

"I have to go and change. You're coming, right?" His hands settle on my waist as the insecurity in his voice settles in my chest.

"Wouldn't miss it. Charlie isn't expecting me until tomorrow morning." I smile, leaning up on my toes to plant a little kiss at the side of his mouth. "Good luck."

"See you later," he grins, backing away.

I make a quick trip to McDonald's for a chocolate milk shake and fries. When I get to Renee's, I relax behind the carport long enough to smoke a bowl. Technically, it's the weekend. A few little tokes won't hurt anything. Then, I kill time watching cartoons until it is time to go to the game.

Renee is finally leaving the school as I'm parking. I catch her at her car long enough to tell her I'll be out late tonight. She smiles and says with any luck, she'll be out late too.

_Ick. _

Esme waves to me from her place in the stands. I wave back and motion to the concession stand. As I wait in line for a Coke, I find a small bottle of Victoria's Secret lotion in my purse. The last thing I want is his parents smelling weed on me. Especially this early in the day. The subtle lilac scent is one of Edward's favorites, and it overpowers any trace of pot stench.

I get my drink and a bag of popcorn before joining Edward's parents.

The game is long and boring, but Edward hits a double, helping two other players score. I guess Royce is a good pitcher; the Eagles don't manage to score and only get a couple of hits off of him.

After the game, Edward and I make plans for him to come over after he goes home to shower and change clothes.

"Yo, Cullen," Ben calls.

Edward and I both turn to look at him.

"Party at my house tonight," he continues.

"I don't know, man," Edward replies.

"Bella, talk him into it. My mom is visiting her boyfriend in Olympia this weekend, and the bar is fully stocked. Guaranteed good times."

_I doubt it._

"We'll see. We might have other plans," I tell him.

Those other plans fly out the window the moment I find Renee sulking on the couch when I get to the house. Her _friend _missed his flight in Jacksonville and won't be back until tomorrow night.

I might be as disappointed as she is, but for an entirely different reason. No date means no empty house. Which means no sex for me. Unless I cave on the _car fucking _rule.

I toss a condom into my bag, just in case. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I can't believe I let that happen in the stairwell earlier. We could have gotten in so much trouble. That can't happen again. Better the Volvo than the principal's office. And maybe, just maybe, if we can catch a quickie a couple of times a week, we won't be snapping at each other every five minutes.

_Jesus. _

I'm penciling myself in for sex with my boyfriend. That is just fucking depressing. And the worst part is I feel like I can't even talk to him about it. He gets defensive every time I open my mouth lately.

I sulk in my room until Edward shows up. We decide to go out for a while. He's starving, and I should probably eat something besides junk food. He suggests the new pizza shop in town, close to the Armory Square Mall. Alec and Felix have been raving about this place and how freaking awesome the food is.

We find it easily. _Pam's Pizza_ scores a zero on the name originality chart, but the food really is as good as everyone claims. They have the best Ranch dressing I have ever tasted. Edward and I split a small "Heavy Cheese" pizza. Mozzarella, cheddar, and feta. Fucking yum. He also orders an Italian sub and swears it's the bomb. This might just be my new favorite restaurant.

I try to pay for my half of the bill, but he refuses.

"What do you want to do now?" he asks as we walk to the Volvo after dinner.

I'm too full for the car sex right now, so I don't really care what we do. "Whatever."

"We could go by Ben's party."

"Or not," I tell him.

"You could at least try to get along with people, Bella."

_Um. Wow._

I don't respond because there are at least five _fuck yous _sitting on the tip of my tongue. I shrug my shoulders and stare out the window, wondering when I became the bad guy.

Ben lives a few blocks away from Renee's house. I had no idea we were sort of neighbors. Emmett's jeep is parked out front, and I feel a little better knowing there will be at least one friendly face inside.

The guys aren't so bad. Aaron is shy and quiet. He's like a jock version of Jasper. He sits around watching without contributing much. All this time, I assumed he was a snob. Marcus is loud like Emmett and the two of them act like macho clowns all night, flexing muscles for their adoring fans.

There is weed, so I figure it can't be all bad. Emmett retrieves his bong from his jeep, and Ben says it's cool as long as we smoke in the garage. He and Irina follow us through the door with a few others. Great. I get to get stoned with a bitch. This should be fun.

I brought two joints of my own, so Edward and I share one, while the rest of the crowd bums off Emmett. Better him than me.

After that, I plant my ass on the couch next to Edward, and I don't move until I'm ready to leave at eleven. Edward needs a quick trip to the bathroom, so we agree to meet in the garage. Emmett is talking to a cutesie senior. I don't want to interfere with the hustle, so I leave without saying goodbye.

I slip outside and manage to light a stog before the door opens behind me. Royce comes strolling into the garage, surprisingly without his entourage.

"It's Bella, right?" he says. His hands are shoved deep into his pockets, and his steps are slow and deliberate.

I give him an _are-you-fucking-kidding-me _look.

"We've never been introduced," he insists. "I'm being polite."

I don't even know what to say to that. Plus, I'm high, and it's not helping.

"You're Royce King, and I'm Bella Swan. Did you see Edward in there?" I don't want to sit around with this asshole.

"He'll be busy for a few minutes. Rosalie is running interference."

_What does that even mean?_

"You seem like a no nonsense chick, and Ben says you're cool. So, I thought maybe we could work out a deal."

"Dude, I don't sell. I smoke a shit ton of weed, but I don't deal. My dad is a fucking cop," I tell him.

"And your mother is a teacher. I'm more interested in her," he says as he narrows his eyes. "I need the answer keys for the unit tests for this grading period. My average is a low C, and I need those tests to keep me eligible."

He wants me to help him cheat on my mother's tests.

"No," I tell him.

"Come on, Bella. We all do our part for the team." He leans in close. "And I am this team. They won't stand a chance without me pitching," he whispers.

I think of my mother. How much her job means to her. What she gave up so she could have it.

"No." I cross my arms for emphasis.

"You really shouldn't have said that," he says quietly, shaking his head.

He doesn't even look angry. Instead he is smiling. Like he knows some kind of awesome secret.

"What, you're threatening me?" I ask. Is he really this stupid?

"You should at least think about it."

"Maybe you should think about asking for some extra credit. She'll give it to you." My mother doesn't want anyone to fail her classes.

"I don't have time to get my real homework done at night. When would I find the time for extra work?"

_Not my problem. _

The door opens, and Edward finally joins us. I keep my mouth shut as he says goodbye to Royce, but I don't hang around for it. I take the keys from him and let myself into the Volvo.

"What took you so long?' I ask him as he closes the car door a few minutes later.

"Rosalie caught me at the door. She and a few of the girls want to volunteer to help with our fundraiser next weekend."

"The car wash?"

He nods.

_Of course they do._

Thinking about Irina, Rosalie, and Tanya showing up for the car wash in bikinis is enough to piss me off all over again.

And Royce. What a fucker. I am not giving him the answer key to those tests, no matter what he throws at me. If I tell Edward about this, he'll confront Royce. Going up against the team captain and most popular kid in school would be social suicide. And knowing Edward, he would do it without a second thought.

"Are you okay?" he asks quietly.

"I'm fine," I lie, turning my head to watch the passing scenery.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Not bad?

When he drops me off at Renee's, I don't invite him in. I'm tired and frustrated, and I need some space. He looks confused, but he doesn't push it.

I toss and turn, thinking about what a huge clusterfuck this baseball thing has turned out to be. Tonight was only the first game. There is a whole season left. Weeks. Months.

_This sucks. _

-o-

**A/N: I'm sorry this is late. We've been doing some home improvement projects. I'm going to try to get the next few chapters out a little quicker if possible.**

**Remember the oneshot I mentioned a few chapters ago? It was for an anonymous contest, and voting ended yesterday. I should be able to post it to my profile later this week. If you're interested in reading it, hit that author alert button. **

**Thanks for reading. **


	15. Chapter 15

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a new copy of Lady and the Tramp on Bluray and 4****th**** row tickets to see Eddie Vedder in May. 4****th**** row! Thank you, MrSpaceCowboy. I need you guys to cross your fingers for me. My lovely sister's baby is due 5 days after the concert, and she's measuring a week early. Uh oh!**

**Speaking of my sister, she looked over this for me and made it prettier. Any mistakes left are mine because I don't know how to leave things alone. By now you guys should know the warnings. Drugs, sex, etc. **

Chapter 15

_I've been let down  
>And I'm still coming round<br>I've been put down  
>And I'm still coming round for you<br>Coming round for you  
>Take away everything that feels fine<br>Catch a shape in the circles of my mind  
>Make me feel like I belong to you<br>Make me feel it even if it ain't true_

_(I've Been Let Down- Mazzy Star)_

**-o-**

I keep my eye on Royce as the weeks pass. My biggest concerns are Edward and Emmett. At first, I thought he might try to make trouble for them. But instead, if anything, he's been friendlier than before. He and Ben walk over for little "chats" everyday during lunch. Thursdays are the only exception, and that's only because we meet with Ben in the library.

They are completely killing my stairwell time with Edward. Which is a good thing, I guess.

Royce is polite. So polite, I can't figure out what his game is. He smiles like he's the nicest guy in the world. It keeps me on my toes.

He hasn't said another word about the answer keys. I've been trying to figure out Ben's connection. Was it his idea for Royce to approach me?

Part of me wishes Royce would just get it over with and do whatever he's going to do. The waiting is making me paranoid.

Thank God next week is Spring Break. If I can just make it through today and tomorrow, I can spend next week relaxing in Forks. Charlie gets me for Spring Break. It's part of their deal.

Renee is leaving tomorrow night anyway. She's going to Florida with "a friend." I wonder how long she is going to play this game with me. She obviously has a boyfriend, and she is obviously fucking him. But her mood has improved, and she's busy more often than not, so I can't really complain.

She's away from the house more often, and Edward takes advantage of her absence. Quickies on the way home from practice have become the new norm. It relieves some of the tension. But most of the time it just leaves me hanging. In so many ways. I feel like a chore.

_School. Baseball. Bang girlfriend. Dinner. Homework. Brush teeth. _

It's been an ugly realization. And I don't really know how to tell him how unimportant I feel without sounding like a whiny bitch.

The first half of the day goes by fast. Lunch drags because four of Edward's teammates join us at our table. It's awkward. Felix and Alec both leave early. I don't really blame them and briefly consider following them. But that would be rude.

Those are the newest rumors about me. I'm the rude girlfriend. I don't go to practices. I read books during the games. I make Edward leave the parties early. And I have him on an invisible leash.

If Rosalie Hale says it, it must be true.

Luckily she and Irina haven't migrated over to our table as of yet. If it ever happens, I'm leaving and finding a new table, with or without Edward.

Mr. Banner gives us a review sheet to study for tomorrow's test. Edward and I split the questions and finish long before the bell rings. At least he won't have to waste time tonight looking up the answers.

After school, Edward meets me at the gym door.

"See you tonight?"

"We'll see, okay? I've got three big tests tomorrow, including Spanish."

I could help him with Spanish. Maybe a naked lesson. Body parts. A couple of verbs.

He drops a quick kiss to my neck, gives me an even quicker goodbye, and disappears through the doors on his way to the locker room.

_Okay then. Maybe not. _

Since I have nothing better to do, I wander up to Renee's classroom to see if she wants me to cook tonight.

"I'm meeting Phil at the mall when I leave here," she tells me. "We're going to swing by and pick up our tickets from the travel agent and have an early dinner. You're welcome to join us."

"I'm good."

Being the third wheel on my mother's date would be like some fucked-up version of purgatory. Honestly, I'd rather chew off my hands at the wrist than watch her make kissy face with some guy. It may be childish, but whatever.

She slips me a twenty, so I can fend for myself.

"I'll be home early," she promises. "Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

I couldn't agree more.

Takeout from Pam's sounds like a good plan.

A salad and calzone barely make a dent in the twenty, so I pocket the change to add to my herbal endeavors fund and carry my dinner home so I can eat alone. Again.

The phone rings as I'm walking in the door. Trying to juggle my school crap and my dinner is no easy feat, and the answering machine picks up before I can get to the receiver.

"Where are you, bitch?" _Alice. _"I called your line first, and you didn't answer. Don't…"

I pick up before she can finish her sentence and simultaneously stop the recorder on the machine.

She laughs and explains that I shouldn't listen to the message she left on my machine with Renee in the room. Unless I want my mom to know I eat dick.

"Classy," I tell her. "My boyfriend would have to be present for me to do that."

"Dude, I'm sorry." I can tell by the tone of her voice that she _feels _sorry for me, more than she is sorry about saying what she said.

"I need a favor," she continues. "We're all dry. Can you cover an ounce, and we'll split it up and pay you when you get here tomorrow night?"

Damn.

Even the thought of going to Lonnie's alone sends a nasty tremor down my spine. But my own stash needs to be replenished before next week. "Sure. I might be a little short, but I can get some cash from Renee."

Since Alice is the kind of bone deep friend she is, I sit and chat with her as I eat. She and Jasper smoked a bowl a few minutes before she called and she keeps telling me she's jealous of my dinner. Jasper made her some macaroni and cheese.

My chest tightens as I think about how sweet it was for him to do that for her. And she's bitching about it right in front of him over the phone to me. She has no idea how lucky she is.

I let her go and finish my dinner in silence.

Packing for Forks kills some time. I want to get the hell out of here as soon as the game is over tomorrow night. Getting roped into an after party is not on my agenda.

Renee finally gets home a little before six. By the time I knock on her door, I have a plan firmly in place. If I borrow money, I have to pay it pack. The trick is convincing her to give me money instead.

I sit on her bed and lean against the headboard as she packs. She goes on and on about Phil and the vacation house he bought in St. Augustine. Being patient has never been my forte, and listening to her gush about Phil seriously tests my resolve a few times.

Finally, she digs her swimsuit out of a dresser drawer.

"Hey, Mom?" Once I'm sure she is listening, I continue. "I need a new swimsuit. The vintage shop has one I really like. It covers a lot more than the ones in the department stores."

Truth.

She nods, obviously distracted. "Hand me my purse," she mumbles.

I'm short forty bucks. The bathing suit costs thirty six bucks. She pulls three crisp twenties from a bank envelope and gives them all to me. Nice. Not many people could walk away with a twenty plus dollar profit in a situation like this. Emmett can say what he wants. I'm the real hustler.

"Is that your spending money?" It would be shitty to take her money if she needs it for her trip.

"Don't worry about it," she says, tucking the rest back into her purse. "Phil probably won't let me spend any of my own money. He never does."

Cue her dreamy look and my suspicion.

Drug lords own beach houses and toss around money on hot chicks.

"What does this _Phil _do for a living?"

"He's unemployed at the moment, but he has been hired to replace Coach Banks next year."

Now, I'm really confused. How can a high school coach afford a beach house in Florida? He must be selling something. People in the porn industry make a lot of dough too. Or he could be one of those con artists featured on Unsolved Mysteries.

"Something isn't adding up, Mom." I decide to reason with her. "How can an unemployed high school coach afford to have multiple residences and spend money all the time?"

"Really, Bella?" She finally stops tossing clothes into her suitcase and looks at me. "Phil Dwyer played Major League baseball until he was injured in a car accident a couple of years ago. He received his certification to teach this past fall."

"Why?"

"He loves the game, but hated the spotlight. His aunt is getting older. He's been moving around for years, Bella."

_I get it. He wants roots. _

My mom is fucking Edward's future baseball coach.

_Because I need one more thing tying baseball to my life. Awesome. _

As if she senses my displeasure, she tries to change the subject. "I paid for our vacation today while we were at the agency. Phil covered the plane tickets with frequent flyer mileage. I've booked a week in New York, including three shows on Broadway. Then, we'll take a train down to DC for a week. We'll go to the Smithsonian and-"

"You get one week, Mom," I remind her. I don't want to be gone for two weeks. Alice leaves on July 5th every year, and she's gone for an entire month. If I leave for two weeks, I'll barely see her at all this summer. And Edward will be in the Port while I'm in Forks. It's hard for me to even imagine not seeing him for two weeks.

"I called your father. He wasn't happy to hear from me," she admits. "But he agreed that it was an amazing opportunity. We can look at a few colleges while we're visiting."

I don't want to go to school in DC or New York. Edward and I are pretty much in agreement on UW. It's close enough to get home in case of an emergency, but far enough away to have some real independence.

"You may have asked Dad, but you didn't ask me. I don't want to be gone for two weeks, and you can scratch college tours right off of the itinerary."

"It is a nonrefundable package, Bella. We don't have to look at schools. It was just a thought. But we are going. We'll be leaving on June twenty-first."

"That's the day after Edward's birthday, Mom. Not to mention, according to this," I pause to slap the itinerary in my hand. "Our flight will get back to SEATAC after Alice has already left for Mississippi. I won't see my best friend for six weeks."

"Bella, we're talking about two weeks. Fourteen days. If you're serious about settling for UW, this might be your only chance to experience some of these things. Life has a funny way of throwing wrenches in seemingly perfect plans. I'm sorry the dates are inconvenient for you, but this is our vacation." She takes the itinerary back from me and places it on her dresser.

She can have this round. I won't show up for her little vacation. After all the shit I've taken for her. She isn't a warm and fuzzy teacher and, generally speaking, the student body considers her a bitch. I wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms. Not to mention my current situation with Royce. I could break into her file cabinet tonight after she passes out, and hand those answers over to him in the morning. But I'm not capable of selling my mom out like that.

It's so nice to know my feelings don't mean shit to her.

Our conversation is over, and this is the last place I want to be. I grab my jacket and purse and leave, slamming the door behind me.

Being an angry crier sucks.

By the time I show up at Edward's house, my cheeks are red and my eyes are puffy. Seeing his car in the driveway pisses me off even more, which brings on a new round of angry tears. It takes me a few minutes to calm down. I don't leave the truck until I'm sure the waterworks are over.

Esme ushers me inside, and I can tell she's concerned. She makes small talk about a possible job in two weeks until I excuse myself and make my way up the stairs.

"What the hell, Bella?" Edward drops his pen next to his notebook on the desk as he rises to put his arms around me.

"My mom is such a bitch." I'm crying again, and all it does is make me even angrier that I'm an angry crier. "She and I take a trip every year during summer vacation. One week. She gets one week in the summer. That's been the deal since she showed up demanding to play Mommy. Well, this year, she decided to take me to New York. Instead of asking, she also took it upon herself to book an extra week in Washington.

"She kept going on and on about taking the train and going to the Smithsonian. I don't want to be gone for two weeks. Everything is already going to suck because I'll be in Forks, and you'll be here. We're not going to see each other at all this summer."

I know how ridiculous it all sounds. But it's out before I can stop it.

"You're freaking out because your mom wants to take you on a two week vacation?" he asks.

I'm guessing from his tone that he isn't bothered at all about being away from each other for two weeks. And he's managed to make it sound like I'm an idiot.

"Why didn't you stop by after practice?"

"I drove by, but Renee's car was in the drive. So, I decided to come home and crack the books."

"I see." _Renee means no quickie. So, why stop?_

"Don't start." He shakes his head. "I've got to do well on this Spanish test tomorrow, Bella. Not everyone can read it once and know it all. Some of us actually have to study."

It's a low blow, and the target is my gut.

I glance at his desk. There are books spread everywhere. His license is sitting right next to his notebook. So this is Edward less inhibited.

This is how he really feels.

I play my part, dutifully kissing him on cheek. "Good luck studying. Call me if you need help."

"Next week, I'm all yours, Bella. I promise."

I nod, giving him the little smile he wants.

It feels strange walking to my truck alone after dark, knowing Edward is awake. If possible, I feel even worse than when I got here.

Alec's Ranger is parked in front of the house Lonnie shares with three roommates. There are always cars here and always people milling about. It's a popular neighborhood for older kids who go to Peninsula and rent.

Doing this shit makes me nervous every single time. Being alone just makes it worse. Knowing Alec is here helps relieve my growing sense of panic. I'm not sure when I turned into such a pussy, but I don't like it. In the old days, the fear of getting caught was part of the rush.

Jane is sitting in a green plastic chair on the front porch, fanning herself with a TV Guide. "S'up Bellaaaaaa," she slurs.

Oh jeez. It's eight o'clock on a Thursday night, and Jane is drunk and possibly fucked up. "You okay, Jane?" Her leg is bouncing furiously, and the pages of the magazine are flapping against each other as she waves it around.

"I'm getting some fresh air," she giggles, as I reach out to knock on the door. "Just go on in. They know I'm out here."

Alec and Charlotte are sitting in the front room with several other people who graduated from PA last year. Their faces are familiar, but their names elude me. Everyone is smiling and friendly, and, thankfully, Lonnie seems a lot less creepy when there is a crowd.

He is suspicious when I tell him how much I need. Once I explain that I'm buying an ounce for Forks and a quarter for myself, he disappears to get it ready. When he comes back, he tosses the weed into my lap and hands Alec a loaded pipe. Alec and I smoke a bowl and spend the next couple of hours watching some nature show on cable and eating Doritos. When he leaves, I follow him out the door. I have no idea how late Jane and Charlotte are planning to stay, and I need to get home in case Renee is freaking out.

The house is pitch dark and silent when I get there. I'm glad she didn't lose any precious beauty sleep over our little spat. I'm too tired to change so I just kick off my shoes and bury myself under the quilt while still fully dressed. The moment before I drift off, I glance at the big, red zero on the answering machine next to the bed.

_He didn't even call to see if I got home alright. _

It's my first conscious thought on Friday morning when I wake an hour late. The alarm clock didn't go off, or I forgot to set it. As I shower, I try not to think about the way Edward brushed me off last night. His indifference sliced right through me.

Homeroom is a lost cause, but I make it to English with 45 minutes left to take my test. Edward watches as I hand the admittance slip to Mr. Wells. I ignore him completely so I can try to finish as much as possible before the bell rings. Wells is notorious for multiple essay questions.

I'm halfway through the last question when he calls time. If nothing else, I've earned an E for effort.

"I was worried when you didn't show up this morning."

To be honest, I'm surprised he even noticed. "Bad day," I mutter, half-heartedly returning his morning hug. "I slept late."

"Obviously." He probably means my arrival, but I'm standing next to him wearing my baggiest Levi's and a black Tom Petty hoodie. There is zero makeup on my face, and I'm not sure if I brushed my hair after towel drying it this morning.

And he looks like a fucking Banana Republic model.

I take it personally and leave without saying goodbye.

When it's time for lunch, I make my way to the cafeteria as slowly as possible. I'm not in any hurry to hang out with the baseball crowd. Edward is standing outside the cafeteria, leaning against the wall with his hands shoved in the pockets of his stupid khaki pants.

As much as I want to stay angry, when he pushes away from the wall and takes my hand in his, I let him. We walk to the stairwell, and, instead of making a move, he sits on the bottom step, stretching his long legs out in front of him. I let my backpack fall to the floor and, slowly sink down next to him.

"I hate that this feels weird," he says, lifting my hand from my lap to play with the bracelet on my wrist. Slowly he tugs it, turning it in circles. The scrape of the fabric against my skin is nice because it's real. Tangible. Unlike all the other things in the air between us. "We're breaking our most important rule."

All I've done lately is break one rule or another. I wish I could say I regret it, but I don't. Except this.

"I promised my grandparents I would visit them in Seattle this summer," he continues. "I'll go while you're gone with your mom. We'll kill two birds with one stone, and we'll have the rest of the summer together."

His words make me feel a little better. At least he was thinking about it. The timing works well in Edward's opinion, since a trip to the Grand's so close to his birthday means additional spoiling. He makes me promise to drop him a post card from New York, and he promises me that two weeks is really no big deal.

"Spend the night with me," I blurt. "Renee is leaving with Phil right after school. I can call Charlie. He has me for the next week, so I know he won't care about one night."

"What if your mom finds out?"

"I don't care." _Please. Please just do this for me. _

It's been a while since I slept wrapped up in him. Maybe it can fix whatever it is we've broken.

"Okay," he grins and finally kisses me. He's still warm and sweet, and I miss him so much. I miss Fall and flannel. And part of me wishes it would end already because dying slowly is a horrible way to go. The other part refuses to let go, no matter the cost.

I show up for his baseball game and leave my book in the car. I'm tired of giving Rosalie ammunition. Carlisle and Esme save a seat for me, and I cheer with the rest of the school when Edward hits a triple during the last inning of the game. Royce bats next and sends Edward home with a triple of his own.

PA wins, and the crowd goes wild. The guys are celebrating on the field, and all I can think is how badly I would rather be anywhere but here.

His parents invite me to dinner, and I accept. It's been a while since we've all had dinner together, and, to be honest, I miss his parents too. They leave right after the game, promising to have a nice, warm dinner on the table by the time we get there.

It takes Edward a few minutes to pack up his stuff. He's sweaty and a little dirty, and I know if I licked his neck right now, it would taste like salt and grit. We hold hands as we walk to the parking lot, and we've almost reached my truck when Royce calls out to him.

"Yo, Cullen."

Edward pauses, and my grip on his hand tightens as Royce approaches.

"Party at my house. BYOB, man."

Edward glances down at me, and, as much as I want him to tell Royce to fuck off, I want it to be his choice, so I shrug. He squeezes my hand before turning to Royce. "Bella and I have plans, but we'll stop by for a few."

It seems I've become an expert on masking my disappointment. Edward seems oblivious during dinner with his parents. The same thing happened on New Year's and I was mildly irritated. It isn't fair to be pissed over it now, but it's Royce. Maybe I'm just mad because I wanted some time alone with my boyfriend away from all this shit.

Sucking it up is really the only option that won't ruin our night. Edward tells his parents he is crashing at Alec's tonight. In all honesty, I'm not sure how long it has been since he really hung out with Alec. Or Felix.

We drop my truck off at Renee's so we can ride together. Smoking a joint on the way helps me relax a little, and I convince Edward to share it after we've parked a half a block away from Royce's. There's an awkward silence between us as we smoke, and the weirdness doesn't ebb until the high settles in.

"Thank you for doing this, Bella." His voice sounds far, far away, and, since my eyes are closed as I relax against the seat, I wonder if it might be a dream.

When I open my eyes, he's there. For just a moment, I can see the boy I fell in love with. The glasses and the hair don't matter. It's the way he looks at me. Like he really sees me. Like he's looking at me right now.

There is a growing ache in my chest. This is what it feels like to love something you've already lost. Helpless nostalgia and desperation.

When he leans forward and kisses me, it feels real, and it's not because I'm stoned. I still love him, and nothing will ever change that.

Royce and Ben corner Edward into a conversation moments after we walk through the door. I find Emmett in the kitchen, pouring tequila shots. He eyes me warily when I ask him to hook me up, but, in the end, I make him my bitch.

By some strange turn of events, I end up doing three shots with Tanya and having a real conversation with her. She's actually intelligent, and we both chose to do our final English papers on Ibsen so we have an ice breaker. She is also a friendly drunk. A very friendly drunk. She puts her arm around me and tells me I should come over to hang out some time.

I start to tell her that I don't see that happening as I raise my 4th shot in the air. An arm circles my waist as Edward lifts the shot glass from my hand. "Whoa," he whispers. I let him take it from me and try to ignore the way his body is pressing against my back.

"You guys make a really cute couple," Tanya says, pointing at me and then Edward.

I'm thinking I should meet her in the hall every morning and get her drunk before school so she can be this cool all the time.

Tanya and Emmett laugh, and I'm horrified when I realize I said that out loud. Jesus. I am such a lousy drunk. This is why I should stick with weed.

Edward laughs and agrees.

_Dammit._

"Let's go," he says softly, tightening his arm and pulling me closer.

He guides me through the house with his hands on my hips and helps me into the Volvo. We ride with the windows down and share a joint on the way back to Renee's house.

"What were you doing at Lonnie's house last night?"

"What do you think I was doing?" I pull open the drawstring on my bag, showing him the contents of my purse. It's a lot of weed.

"I don't want you going over there alone," he says with a note of finality that pisses me off.

"I'm leaving for Forks in the morning. Last night, I thought I was leaving right after your game. Who told you I was there?" _This_ I want to know. There is nothing I hate more than a fucking snitch.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going?" he counters.

_Fuck it. _

"You were busy. I took care of it. End of story."

He parks the car in my driveway, and I get out without waiting for him. I am sick to fucking death of him treating me like a child. The stupid key won't turn in the lock, so he's right behind me when I open the door.

I should have gone to Forks. Thinking we could have a night alone, away from all the drama, was a big mistake. He could've stayed at the stupid party, and I could be with my friends enjoying this high instead of wanting to pummel my own boyfriend.

The door slams behind me, and I just keep walking. Trying to outrun whatever is happening. But he just won't drop it.

"How long were you there?"

Oh, fuck this. I'm dizzy and high and uncomfortable as hell. "I don't know." I think about it as I take off my shoes. "Long enough to smoke a bowl with Alec and watch some show about hippos."

_Happy now?_

"What the fuck are you doing?" he asks.

"Going to bed."

I mistakenly assumed he would get the picture when I took off my jeans and fell onto the bed in nothing but bikini underwear, a bra, and a t-shirt. Instead, he wants to fight. I can see it all over his face. The forearms I love so much are flexed and tense. And much more toned than they were 6 six weeks ago. Like the rest of him. He may be acting like a total dick, but I'd rather fuck him than fight with him. Alcohol and weed make me brave enough to pull the t-shirt off and toss it in his face. He catches it. Of course he does. I try not to smirk when he swallows as he eyes my tits. He might think he wants to fight, but like Emmett said: guys always want sex.

My bra hits the floor the same moment his pants do.

Edward pulls my underwear off before shedding his own and being naked is so much better than fighting. Especially when he kneels between my knees and takes my left leg in his hand. He lowers his head and brushes his lips across the inside of my thigh.

"Breathe, Bella," he whispers against my skin.

I remind myself to do just that as he trails tiny, feathery kisses getting closer and closer, and I'm beginning to understand why they used to call it burning. It's like being on fire and drowning at the same time.

He's a breath away, and I close my eyes, finally prepared to let him do it. The weight of his body on top of mine surprises me. We're face to face when I open my eyes. "I want to." His voice is low and gravelly. "You know I want to. But you're drunk, Bella. And I'm not an asshole." Any argument dies on my tongue as he pushes inside me.

I don't know if it's liquor or weed or want that keeps my hands moving, pulling him against me and touching every inch of him within my reach. He catches the back of my left knee with his arm, pulling it up so it's pressed against my shoulder.

We kiss and we fuck until I finally catch the right flame, and he tenses, shuddering above me.

He collapses, resting most of his weight on the bed beside me and resting his head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you last night."

"I forgive you." And I do. But I'm pretty sure we're talking about two different offenses.

"Still love me?"

"Don't be an idiot," I tell him as his arm stretches across my belly and pulls my body closer to his. "I'll always love you."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Breaks are the only part of the school year that passes quickly. Edward spends most of the first weekend with me in Forks. It rains on Monday, so I tell Charlie I'm going shopping. And I do. Edward and I go shopping for my bathing suit, and then we spend all afternoon at my mom's house. He comes to Forks on Tuesday, and we make the trip to Newton's so Edward can get a wetsuit for cliff diving Friday. Mike helps us and chatters non-stop about opening night for the play. He's like a different person. This Mike is smiling and happy and acting human instead of zombie. It's a welcome change. We verify times and location for Friday. Cliff diving is Spring Break tradition in Forks. We all get together and make asses of ourselves by day, and sing drunk, perverted versions of Kumbaya around the bonfire by night. It's what we do.

Wednesday, I drive to the Port. Edward is waiting for me on Renee's front steps and the way he attacks me makes me think we might be alright this summer after all. I'm tempted to call Charlie and tell him I'm spending the night in Port Angeles until Edward nips that by announcing that the guys are going to the batting cages tonight.

I'm a little disappointed, but we have been together, day and night, for four days in a row, so I can't begrudge him time with his friends.

Leah isn't working, so I stop by her house for some much needed girl time. She hasn't mentioned any boys in forever, so I harass her until she admits she has a crush on a coworker. She won't say who, so it looks like I need to dig out my library card.

Edward calls to say goodnight later, and we end up talking until neither of us can keep our eyes open. Drifting off to the sound of his voice makes for very peaceful sleep.

There is a sharp series of knocks on the door at precisely noon on Thursday. Edward is standing on my porch with sunglasses perched on his head and a foil circular pan in his right hand. My mouth waters. I can smell what is in that pan. Esme's homemade cinnamon rolls.

I heat them in the stove and smile as the smell of cinnamon and Edward fills my home. Luckily, the smell also wakes up Charlie before I lose my head in my kitchen. He grumbles until he starts his second cup of coffee and takes a bite of a roll. Edward teases us about our matching morning demeanors. It makes me smile to think the lazy, grouchy morning Bella is a product of Charlie's gene pool. I'm willing to bet my mom used to drive him nuts in the morning like she does me now.

Edward spends more time talking to Charlie than Jake ever did. And that's both a blessing and a damn shame all at the same time. Jake took a lot of things for granted. Edward really likes Charlie, and Charlie's never mentioned it, but I know he likes Edward. I sip coffee and watch them as they catch up on sports stuff and plan the fishing trip they keep putting off.

Alice calls around six and invites us for pizzas and movies at her place. We smoke out on her porch while we're waiting for the food to be delivered. Jasper likes to talk about philosophical bullshit when he's stoned, so we have a long, albeit strange, discussion about how influential drugs are with so many types of artists. And how songs written or paints laid to canvas would have been different products altogether had the artist not been stoned or high as a kite during its creation. I think he's just trying to say he likes to get fucked up and draw.

Finally, Tyler shows up with our pizza. Jasper finally shuts the hell up, and we watch _The Doors. _I'd forgotten how fucking good this movie is. Love, passion, fucking, drugs and heartbreak. Life. The soundtrack is pure sex, and I finally give in and beg Edward to pull over on the way home. Charlie is at home with a six pack which means he won't dare touch me later.

There's an old secluded drive off the 101, and he follows my instructions as I light a roach from earlier and hold it to his lips. We're stoned and clumsy in the tiny back seat of his car, but it's worth it because we laugh together as we figure it out and fall together once we do.

The next morning, we jump off a cliff together. Literally. It's awesome and exhilarating and colder than a witch's tit. Only a few of us go back for a repeat, and Edward seems to love it as much as I do.

We trade suits for jeans and tanks and roast hot dogs for lunch. Some people want showers before the bonfire tonight, so we all agree to meet at the beach at twilight.

I sit next to Charlie on the couch as Edward showers upstairs. In my house. It's the first time he's ever been naked here, and I'm not even going to get to see it. He has to suffer through the same when we trade places. When I come downstairs dressed in a long, hippie skirt, flip flops, and a baggy sweater, he grins. He knows damn well why I'm wearing a skirt.

Charlie clears his throat, and things get a little weird, so Edward and I leave quickly. After an early dinner at the diner, we drive out to First Beach. Alice and Jasper are among the other early birds, and it's nice to see him strike up a conversation with Edward right away.

Tyler takes requests and plays guitar until his fingers are tired and he's restless for a beer. People come and people go. There are at least three joints being passed around at any given moment, and someone brought a boom box.

Edward leans in and kisses me, and the taste of beer on his tongue makes me want him.

Barefoot and giggling, I lead him down the beach. The water licks at my feet, and the sand is perfect and squishy. When we get to my favorite spot, I motion for him to sit. I pull a condom from the deep pocket of my skirt, and he swallows and nods when he realizes what I want.

We let the lapping sounds of the waves set our tempo, and he tells me he loves me again and again.

We're lazy for a few minutes, recovering and bundled up in each other. When we get back to our friends, I notice another group of kids has set up camp down the beach, closer to the parking lot. Initially I figure it is Jake and the guys, but a flash of long, blonde hair in the firelight disproves that theory instantly.

It's Royce. And his groupies. I pull my hand from Edward's as the anger and disappointment flood through me.

Emmett walks over to say hi, but I'm still stunned and silent. This is my fucking happy place, and I don't want to share it with assholes like Royce King and Rosalie Hale.

"What are they doing here?" My voice sounds funny, and I'm kinda hoping that weed was laced with something and this is just a bad trip.

"I mentioned it the other night and cornered myself into one of those half-assed invites that's not really an invite."

Someone thought it was a real invitation.

Carmen joins me as Edward walks over to greet his teammates and the other kids from PA. We watch as Irina stands and walks over to Edward. She holds something up between them, and the breath catches in my throat when his head lowers momentarily.

He just bumped with her.

After fucking me.

"Watch out for her," Carmen says quietly.

"I have been."

She smiles and pulls me back to the fire. My arms are wrapped tightly around my knees as I sit next to her staring into the flames, waiting for Edward to come back.

Jake and Quil show up, igniting the Maria whispers. He ignores it and deliberately pisses Leah off by mussing her hair. His plan works because she starts bitching and gives the crowd something else to discuss.

Edward returns and scoots in close behind me, circling an arm around me in the process. For the rest of the night, no one crosses the imaginary line drawn in the sand between the kids from Forks and the bunch from PA.

-o-o-o-o-o-

On the following Wednesday morning, Royce is handed a two day home suspension and an indefinite suspension of his athletic eligibility. Every kid at PA High is forced to sign a plagiarism oath on the first day of school during homeroom. Renee busted him for quoting Cliff's Notes word for word on the Hamlet test she gave before Spring Break.

What a fucking idiot.

None of Edward's teammates join us for lunch. Which is fine by me, but I can tell Edward and Emmett are uncomfortable. The rumors are flying today, and I've been on the receiving end of three tirades about what a bitch my mother is.

As if I didn't already know.

Rosalie walks right up to me in the gym during PE. "This is your fault," she hisses. People are starting to stare. There aren't many fights at PA, and girl fights are a real treat. "I told him to make it a quick kill, but Royce likes to play with his food. You should have handed over those answers a long time ago."

"It wouldn't have done much good, Rosalie." I shrug casually. "Your boyfriend is too stupid to paraphrase."

Silence. Dead silence.

Jesus Christ.

The whole fucking class is staring at me like I'm a leper. Except Angela. I have to give her credit. She's still standing next to me. A lesser girl would have backed away slowly.

Instead of replying, a slow smile spreads across Rosalie's face.

"Swan."

Fuck. Banks is standing behind me. No wonder she looks like a kid in a candy store.

It seems the recorded time for my mile run has disappeared from my file, so I have to redo it. Today. In the rain.

He tells the other kids they have a free period. Then he stands at one end of the football field beneath an umbrella holding a stop watch while I run a mile, soaking wet and freezing.

The good news is Coach Asshole gets soaking wet too and calls off practice on account of weather.

Edward and my mother both hit the roof when they find out about the PE incident. Renee says she is going to the principal tomorrow, and I tell her not to bother.

"What are they going to do…fire him?" There are roughly seven weeks left until the fucker retires anyway.

They see my point, and we finish dinner in silence.

I'm so sore I can barely move. I crawl into bed fully clothed and huddle under the blanket, shivering. Edward slides in behind me and curls his body around mine. Slowly, I relax into the warmth, and even with the lights on, I can't manage to stay awake.

We both startle a little when Renee bangs on the door a few hours later.

"Fuck," he groans. "I still have homework." He leans in to kiss me, stopping just a few inches shy of the mark. He looks at me weird and worried, and I don't like it. "Are you okay?"

I try to tell him I'm fine, but when I open my mouth, an intense pain shoots up the right side of my face. Yeah, I'm definitely not okay. Dizzy isn't good unless you're high or fucking, and I'm neither. Sleep is better. It's warm and cozy and non-dizzy. I feel cool fingers against my forehead and then soft lips on my cheek.

Renee actually misses two hours of work to take me to the doctor office Thursday morning. It's a lot of trouble for what turns out to be an ear infection. I'm not contagious, but I do have a fever. And I also feel like shit. As much as I hate needles, I take the shot because tomorrow is Alice's big night, and I CAN'T miss it.

Edward calls to check on me during lunch from the payphone in the cafeteria. He's glad it isn't anything serious and jealous of me for getting an extra long weekend. He says he'll try to stop by after practice, but he sounds distracted, and I decide not to hold my breath.

I make it to his practice Friday afternoon and wait impatiently for them to finish up so we can hit the road to get to Forks. The backup pitcher, a senior named Kevin, sucks ass. The players seem out of synch and agitated.

Royce is absent from practice, and I wonder if he's at home getting ready to go to Alice's play for the extra credit Renee is offering. He needs it. Especially after the big fat zero he got since he cheated.

When practice is over, I wait for Edward and follow him into the school so he can get his stuff. "Bella, I have to be at school at nine to catch the bus. We play in Bremerton at eleven." He stares into his locker. "It's already six. The play starts in an hour. I haven't had a shower. I…" He shakes his head.

Finally, he looks at me, waiting for me to let him off the hook. Again.

I've had enough. Goddammit. It's time for him to choose me.

Only he doesn't.

"I'm beat, Bella. Last week threw off my routine. I just want to go home and go to bed. I don't want to go to Forks tonight."

My eyes are burning to hell and back, but I refuse to cry. I'm sick to death of being so weak in front him, but hearing him talk about our week that way cuts me to the core.

"This is important to me, Edward. Alice is my best friend, and I already told her we'd be there."

"If you leave now, you can still make it."

"Sure," I tell him bitterly. "I'll just go alone. That's just so fucking awesome."

"The constant bitching is really getting old," he says, glancing at me. "No one in Forks is going to give a shit about whether or not I come with you tonight. So, I'll go home. You'll go to Forks. I'll come over tomorrow after the game. Everyone will be happy."

Not everyone. Not me. For weeks I've been biting back my anger and hurt and the helplessness I've felt over my own relationship. No more.

"How is that supposed to make me happy? We had a date, Edward. I am so tired of being in last place when it comes to you. I'm sick of doing all the work here. I've compromised again and again, and you keep asking for more. I'm tired, too. Tired of holding this thing together on my own."

"Then don't." He punctuates his words with the slam of his locker door.

This is it. The moment I have to decide if I'm bluffing. I've spent enough time simmering on his back burner, and I can't keep this up anymore.

I leave him standing there without a word.

Somehow, I make it to Forks. Jasper is waiting for me in the parking lot at the school. Two minutes. I have two minutes to wipe my face and get my shit together. He opens the truck door as I'm blowing my nose.

"Classy, Swan," he says as I honk and blow like my namesake. His smile falls slowly as he takes in my red, puffy eyes and shaking hands. "Where's Edward?"

I shake my head. New tears. Twenty or a hundred. I'm not sure.

"Okay," he says, pulling me from the truck. "Come on." He hugs me tightly, letting me use his flannel as a Kleenex.

I'm thankful only the stage is lit. Leah and Carmen know something is up the moment we join them in the auditorium. The empty seat on the other side of Jasper was supposed to be Edward's. It really hits me then. He's not coming. I'm not important.

No one cries this much during Romeo and Juliet. No one cries at all except me.

Carmen sneaks me out through a side exit when the play is over. I don't want to see Renee or anyone else from PA. Fuck that.

There was going to be a party at Alice's house to celebrate. She calls it off immediately when she finds out what is going on. That's what real friends do. They take care of the people they love.

The girls come home with me instead and spend the night assuring me that everything will be okay. They say he'll come to Forks tomorrow and we'll make up, but it's so much more than that. So, I tell them. Everything. Everything I've been biting back, and they're genuinely shocked at how disconnected things really are with me and Edward because it turns out Alice isn't the only good actress in our pack.

They're angry with me for letting him walk all over me for months, and they're angrier with him for doing it. Leah tells me it's time to come clean to Edward about Royce.

"So I can keep him by some kind of fucked-up default? No thanks." Telling him now would be a pathetic play. This time, I'm walking away with my pride intact.

Carmen has been silent the entire time, and, when she speaks, her voice is eerily calm. "If he knows what's good for him, he'll be on your doorstep right after his stupid game tomorrow."

That doesn't happen. He doesn't come. And he doesn't call.

The girls don't leave until I do Sunday evening. They make me pinky swear not to call him or drive by his house. It's hard, but I uphold my end of the deal.

He owes me an apology. On second thought, he owes me a lot more than just an apology.

"Where were you Friday night?" Angela asks as I take my seat in homeroom Monday morning.

"Forks. Why?" In my mind, I'm busy trying to figure out what to say to Edward when I see him in English.

"Well, I saw Edward with Ben and the guys Friday night at Pam's and you weren't there. Irina was all over him, Bella."

"What time?" It's a numb whisper.

"It was after youth group, so probably nine or so?"

The play ended at 9:00. _What an asshole_.

I get to English before Edward. Emmett is already in his seat. He gives me his customary gangsta nod.

"How was the party Saturday night?" It's only a small gamble. Usually, someone somewhere is having a party on the weekend.

"It sucked. Rosalie was being a total pain in the ass about her house and your boyfriend got so shitfaced, we had to leave early," he mutters.

Busted.

I make Angela switch seats with me as Edward walks into the classroom. He pauses as he walks by my desk, but I stare at my copy of _Fahrenheit 451. _I don't want to look at him.

He catches my arm before I can get away after class.

"Can we talk?" His voice sounds tired, so I finally look at him. He's scruffy and there are dark circles under his eyes. He's clearly hung over.

"Where were you this weekend? No, scratch that. I know where you were Friday and Saturday. Where were you last night?"

"At Sam's house getting fucked up with Emmett. Where are you going?"

Out. Away from here. Away from him.

The crowd in the hall thins as I get closer and closer to the exit. Everyone else is hurrying to class. I just want out.

"Bella." He says my name as I reach the door.

_Don't be a coward._

I turn to face him. "Tell your mom I quit."

"Bella, come on," he says. "We were both angry. I was tired. I didn't mean what I said Friday afternoon. This doesn't have to be a big deal."

He really doesn't get it.

"If you were so _tired, _why were you at Pam's with your little gang?"

"You're kidding me right?" He has the audacity to seem affronted. "My parents went out to dinner. They left money on the counter, so Em and I decided to get dinner at Pam's. The others just showed up."

"I think you missed the point. What about Saturday? You didn't call. You didn't come to Forks. And yesterday. What were you doing yesterday? I spent the entire weekend upset and freaked out while you partied. Do you know how fucked up that is?"

"I thought we could both use a chance to cool off."

"Stop. Don't say another fucking word to me, Edward Cullen. You can't just take it back every time you fuck up. What happened with Irina?" It's nothing short of a fucking miracle that my voice doesn't waver. My whole body is trembling, but I fight it. I don't want him to see it.

"Irina?"

"Angela said she was practically in your lap."

"She was squeezed in between me and Ben in a booth. She wasn't in my lap. Look, we're going to be late. We'll talk about this later." He holds his hand out between us. I stare at it and then at his face. He looks annoyed.

Not sorry. Not concerned. Annoyed.

"No," I tell him.

"This is exactly what I was talking about Friday," he snaps. "Anytime something doesn't go your way, you throw a fit and blame me."

"I guess you did mean it after all, huh?" _Liar. _I turn away. It's time to go. There is no need for a repeat of Friday.

"Bella."

I close my eyes, holding the tears at bay. _I will not cry. _"You did this," I tell him. "I thought you would come to Forks. I hoped you would. I would have forgiven you. All you had to do was show up." I hear him moving behind me and feel the warmth of his hand on my back. "Don't." I jerk away. "Don't touch me." If he puts his hands on me, I'll want to stay.

Slamming the release bar, I push open the giant door. _How could this happen? _

The sun is shining, warming my skin as everything inside me turns to ice. I haven't run willingly since elementary school, but I tear down the stairs like the devil is at my heels.

"Bella, come on."

I throw open the door of my truck, tossing my shit across the bench seat. "You were right," I tell him without turning around. "Friday night really wasn't a big deal. You stopped showing up a long time ago. Have it your way, Edward. I'm done trying. I'm taking your advice before I end up hating you." I climb into the cab just in time to slam the door in his face and lock it to keep him from opening it.

I back up without checking to see if he has cleared the truck. If I run over his foot…oh fucking well.

Renee is going to be pissed as hell for a long time over this, but I don't really care. I need time. A day or two in Forks to figure out what to do. Alice. Carmen. Leah.

-o-

**A/N: Jesus. I'm so freaking sorry about the update delay. My sister finally told me to STFU and put my big girl panties on. Bless her mean, pregnant ass. It's hard enough writing teenagers, but Bella when she's high is almost like a 3****rd**** voice. And she's a force to be reckoned with for me because she thinks differently and acts differently. For some reason, it was really messing with me this chapter. **

**I love feedback, so hit me. Please. There are like 400 of you guys and you're so quiet. **

**Future updates will be shorter. The last few have been long because we had a lot to cover and this one is a monster because I don't like cliffies. If you're curious about the length of this fic, we're right at the halfway mark. The outline is for 30 chapters, give or take a couple. **

**If you like Romance/Humor check out the oneshot I wrote for The Twilight of Craigslist contest. It's called "Keep the Tofurkey, Bring on the Beer!" and it surprised the hell out of me when it won in 3 categories, including First Place Popular Vote and Funniest Popular Vote. I've posted it on my account now, since the contest is over. It might cheer you up after this update. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**-MSC**


	16. Chapter 16

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own the album Wish (by The Cure) on cassette, CD, & iTunes. I even have Disintegration on vinyl somewhere. Yeah, I might love The Cure. They were emo when emo wasn't cool. My best friend once told me she loved Robert Smith enough to wipe his ass when he got old and senile. I love Eddie Vedder, but not that much. **

**I have the best sister in the world, and she does a good job talking me down off ledges when I try to freak out. She also finds lots of words I forget to type when my brain works faster than my fingers. Any mistakes left are mine. Do I really need to keep throwing out the drug warning every chapter? **

Chapter 16

_It was the sweetness of your skin  
>It was the hope of all we might have been<br>That filled me with the hope to wish  
>impossible things <em>

_To wish impossible things  
>To wish impossible things<br>But now the sun shines cold  
>And all the sky is grey<br>The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears  
>And all I wish<br>is gone away  
>All I wish<br>is gone away_

_(To Wish Impossible Things- The Cure)_

_-o-_

Charlie has the cruiser parked at the town limit of Forks, lights flashing. He's leaning against the car until I come into view. Then he straightens and puts on his very best cop face.

I pull over. Forcing my father into a high speed chase through Forks would end badly. Not that this is going to end any better. He's pissed. He opens my truck door and stands, staring at me with his hands on his hips.

"You want to clue me in on why you're in Forks at ten thirty on a Monday morning?" There's an edge in his voice I've never heard before.

"How did you know I was coming?" I barely get the words out as I step down in front of him.

"Your mother called the station in a panic. She found out you left in time to check you out as sick. She lied for you, Bella. She looked her coworkers in the face and lied to them for you. And I didn't _know _you were coming here, I just had a feeling you would. What were you thinking?"

I've heard him shout before, but never at me. It makes me feel awful. And the truth is I don't know what I was thinking. I just wanted to get away.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. The enormity of what just happened hits me in that moment.

I finally look up at Charlie, and I see his anger turn to worry. "You okay, kid?"

"Edward and I broke up." Saying it out loud makes my mouth go dry, but my face is soaking wet and streaked with tears.

Charlie doesn't say anything, but I see the disappointment in his eyes. He steps forward and puts his arms around me, letting me sob all over his uniform. I beg him to let me stay the night in Forks. Just tonight. I promise to wake up extra early to go to school tomorrow, even though the thought of it kills me.

"I promised your mother I would send you home. You're still in trouble, Bella. I'm sorry to hear about you and Edward." He pauses as I sniffle. "I really am, kid. But you can't skip school. I have to side with your mom on this one."

When I'm totally calm, he sends me on my way. It was pretty stupid to assume I could get away with skipping school.

I change into my rattiest flannel pajamas when I get back to Renee's house. I'm tired. So tired. I only last two minutes in my bed. It still smells like Edward.

The couch in the living room is comfortable, so I stretch out on it after putting in a VHS with six recorded hours of _Beavis and Butthead_. It's mindless crap, but it's harmless since there is no romance or broken hearts.

In the end, it doesn't matter. I fall asleep a few minutes into the first episode. The phone rings occasionally, rousing me temporarily, but not enough to wake me completely. My mother's voice. Emmett's.

Around four o'clock, it starts to rain, and the pounding the roof is taking is enough to finally wake me up. It's early, but it seems so dark outside. I feel twisted up and completely unsettled. Like something is missing.

_Don't think about it. _

When I do think about it, I feel sick. How am I going to sit next to him in Biology every day? He's seen me naked, been inside me. How am I going to survive this?

It's enough to send me into a panic. I huddle under the awning on the tiny back porch, hitting a full bowl until I cash it. As I wait for the synthetic calm, I light a Camel. Eventually, my hands stop shaking and the only thing left is a dull ache.

Renee comes in around six with her arms full of books and Chinese takeout.

She walks right by me, ignoring me completely. I'm way too stoned to muster the concern I'm sure she was aiming for. When she wants to talk, she'll talk.

"Dinner is on the counter," she calls.

The smell of sesame chicken makes my stomach grumble, but I don't feel like eating. Nothing sounds appetizing.

I've restarted the _Beavis and Butthead_ tape and made camp on the couch. There is no way in hell I'm sleeping in my bed tonight. Renee comes in much later and sits across from me on the chocolate colored wingback chair my Gran used to sit in when I was little. She has a full glass of wine in hand, but I'm willing to bet it isn't the first of the night. She probably downed a glass with her dinner as she planned her attack in the kitchen.

"Turn it off," she says, eyeing the television.

Sighing, I lift the remote, and silence fills the room.

"What happened this morning, Bella?" Her voice is crisp. She isn't concerned. She is pissed.

"I needed to go," I explain. "I…He…" I'm at a loss. "We broke up."

She stares at me for a long moment. "This is about a boy?" she asks sharply.

God, I hate her sometimes. "He's not just some boy. How did you find out I left?"

"Emmett came to my classroom to tell me. He didn't want you to get in trouble."

Emmett. Not Edward. Edward couldn't care less if I get in trouble.

"Relationships end, Bella. It's part of life. You get up, dust yourself off, and try again. Young love is always a little dazzling, but it never lasts. People grow up. They change. You should be playing the field while you can." She pauses to take a sip of wine. I stare at my hands in my lap, wondering if this woman knows me at all. "I'm not saying you should sleep around," she continues. "I'm saying you should date. No strings attached. Just take some time to see what the world has to offer."

I want to tell her to get out, but this is her living room, and I'm on her couch.

"No more cutting school," she says, standing. "You are the one who made adult choices. Now, you have to own them."

She has no idea about my choices.

Tuesday, I show up with just enough time to make it to homeroom. Angela agrees to make our first period seat swap permanent. She asks if I'm okay.

"Bella, people were talking yesterday." She lays her hand on my arm. "They said-"

"Don't," I whisper. I'm barely keeping it together here, and I refuse to cry. "Whatever you heard is probably true."

I'm sure it spread like wildfire. Cullen finally got rid of his bitchy girlfriend. Irina probably threw a party.

The moment we enter the classroom for English, I let my eyes stay trained on the floor until I get to my seat. I don't want to see him. It turns out, I don't have to. I can feel him. Emmett tries to stop to talk to me, but Mr. Wells begins class before he has the chance.

A few minutes before the bell, I start packing my stuff up, and, when it rings, I am the first one out of the class.

Ben approaches me in the hall after Algebra II. "Yesterday we drew for the presentations this week. Ours is scheduled for Thursday, so we need to wrap up our visuals tonight or tomorrow," he says as we walk to American History. "I have practice after school." He scoffs and shakes his head. "You probably knew that already. I mean…well, you know." Yeah, I know. I've been living my life around the team's schedule for the last three months. "You should give me your number and we can meet somewhere after practice or I could come by your house."

Renee would love that.

I scrawl my number on a random folder he pulls from his bag when we get to class, and then I make my way over to Charlotte.

"You cool?" she asks curiously. At my blank look, she explains. "Sorry, you know how shit gets around in this place."

"I'm fine." I'm anything but fine, but there are at least a dozen people who would rejoice if I fell apart, and I won't give them the satisfaction. She looks sympathetic and changes the subject quickly by asking when Ben and I are presenting. She and her partner got lucky. They're scheduled for Friday.

After Spanish, I spend my lunch period in my truck, avoiding Edward while I still can. There isn't anything I can do about Biology this late in the game. Waiting until the very last possible minute is the plan. I don't want to be the one sitting at that lab table waiting.

Playing loud, angry music doesn't help nearly as much as I hoped it would. My thumbs are beating against the steering wheel when I notice the bracelet on my wrist.

Off. I want it off. But only part of me wants it off. The other part of me wants to be as deeply woven as the thread forming the little blue hearts. Tied to him. We haven't been us for a while, and the logical side of me thinks this should hurt much less than it does. Breathing shouldn't be this hard.

I pick at the knot on my wrist until I break and bloody a nail. The threat of tears pisses me off, so I cut the engine and pull the key from the ignition. Then I use it to saw through the string near the stubborn cluster. The bracelet falls onto the seat next to me.

I don't know what to do with it.

I don't know what to do with any of this.

The glovebox. I can lock it away in there. At least temporarily. Throwing it away isn't an option. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could do it.

Big, fat raindrops start to slowly plunk against the windshield, so I shove the bracelet quickly into the compartment and leave my truck before I can second guess myself.

My feet are crossing the threshold of the classroom as the tardy bell rings. When I reach our lab table, I pull my stool as close to the aisle as possible before sitting down.

_Don't look. _

Mr. Banner walks to the back of the classroom and pulls on a rolling cart with a TV and VCR on it, moving it to the front of the classroom and quietly plugging in the electronics. I can hear the scratch of a pen against paper to my left, but Banner cuts the lights and starts a film on cell mutation, and the noises cease when the lights are cut.

Sitting next to him in the dark, I can hear every breath he takes, and the urge to get closer, to touch him, is overwhelming. I have to angle my body away from him toward the aisle to keep from looking.

When the lights come on, I face forward, but make the mistake of briefly glancing at his face. His eyes are cast downward, staring at my wrist. Before I can stop myself, I wrap my hand around it, covering the space where his bracelet still was just an hour ago.

The bells rings and he sits there, not moving, as I gather my things and walk out quickly.

PE is every bit of the nightmare I expected it to be. Rosalie keeps her distance, but she whispers and giggles with her friends while watching me from the other side of the volleyball net. This is the one sport I can stand to play because my hand-eye coordination is decent and, really, volleyball is just physics, and I love science.

Finally, we rotate until Rosalie is directly across from me. She leans forward with her hands on her knees. "It was only a matter of time you know," she says conversationally. "Guys like Edward experiment with girls like you, but they end up with girls like us." She motions to herself and Heidi.

I keep quiet, and she keeps digging and digging with nasty words and promises that Edward will forget about me in no time. When the ball finally comes my way, I jump as close to the net as possible and spike the ball on her as hard as I can hit it. I was aiming for her mouth, but she jumped too and it lands hard on her chest.

Hitting Rosalie in the tit with a volley ball is the best thing I've done in a very long time. She completely loses her cool and ducks under the net to come after me. I don't budge.

"Bitch," she hisses as she steps into my personal space.

"Hale, back off," Banks interrupts, sending her back to her own side of the net. "Swan, see me after class."

Right. Because actually playing volleyball is a sin. Angela giggles when I roll my eyes, and I try to give her a little grin that ends up falling flat.

The two laps he makes me run around the gym are well worth the satisfaction popping her with that ball gave me. Then I get a warning not to cause trouble in his class again. I'm late getting to the dressing room, and by the time I'm dressed, the baseball team is starting to file into the gym. Instead of walking through the snake pit, I use a side door to exit. I have to walk all the way around to the front entrance of the school and go back inside to get to my locker, but avoiding Edward and Emmett is worth it.

When I get back to Renee's after school, I check my answering machine. There is a message from Emmett from yesterday afternoon and three from Alice and the girls, time stamped last night. Emmett is at practice, and even if he wasn't, I still wouldn't call him back. I need some space from him right now.

Calling Alice isn't something I'll be able to avoid for long. They were anxious when we parted ways Sunday evening, and I know they just want to know what's going on with me. They're worried. The longer I put it off, the more they will worry.

Before I can even dial her number the phone rings in my hand. Praying it's her, I answer and say hello. It's Carmen, but Alice is with her. Good. I only want to say this once. After grabbing a smoke from my bag, I walk to the back porch and light the Camel as I catch them up on the events of the last two days. When I tell them about Edward's weekend, they go silent.

"Stop it," I tell her.

"What?"

I know the two of them are standing there shaking their heads while pitying my sorry ass. "Just stop."

"Sorry. What are you going to do?"

"What _can_ I do? I'm going to go to school every day, ignore him and pray the next six weeks fly by." It's a lame plan, but it's all I've got.

I continue with the story, and they both laugh their asses off imagining Charlie going Smoky and the Bandit on me. It's almost enough to make me laugh too. Which makes me want to cry. Which makes no fucking sense.

We all have homework, so we don't talk long.

The phone rings again a couple of hours later. I pause the episode of _Beavis and Butthead_ I'm watching and glance at the clock on the VCR.

6:45.

My heart starts pounding in my ears, and I know it's a long shot, but practice is usually over by now… Maybe it is him. Or it could be Emmett. I've been avoiding him too, and sooner or later he is going to catch up with me.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella, this is Ben."

_Fuck. _

I forgot all about that.

Renee still isn't home, so I can't ask her if it's okay for him to come over. If she walked in and found him here, she would either be really pissed or celebrate me spending time with a new fish. Neither of those options sounds appealing. I suggest meeting tomorrow instead, but Ben says tonight really would be better for him. He says to come to his house instead.

This couch is really comfortable, and I don't really want to leave it, or the house, but I hate waiting until the last minute, so I agree.

Ten minutes later, I'm knocking on his back door. He greets me with a smile and welcomes me into the kitchen. The table is covered with blank transparency sheets, Sharpie markers, and other supplies. Instead of sitting at the table, he crosses the room to lean against the counter.

"I hope you don't mind if I finish my dinner," he says, holding a bowl in his hand. "I had just enough time for a shower or food while you were on the way, and I smelled terrible."

He offers me some of the chicken, broccoli and rice casserole, but I still haven't gotten my appetite back, so I decline.

He works on a timeline while I chart and graph the poverty levels of the ten major American Indian reservations. Our assignment is to choose an ethnic group we've studied this year and give a brief presentation on our chosen topic. And because gun-toting, disease-carrying pilgrims weren't bad enough, we're also covering the part about the government creating and perpetuating a cycle of poverty in many cases. It's risky, but we have the research to back it. Besides, it's only one small part of Native American history, but it isn't one I'm willing to gloss over. Luckily, Ben was on board.

I'm feeling pretty good about the outcome of our hard work when I leave. This should be an easy A. Ben is bringing the final draft of his portion of the written report to school tomorrow, and I'll combine it with mine and type it all up tomorrow after school.

Angela is waiting for me outside Mrs. White's classroom Wednesday morning.

"How could you?" she asks quietly.

"How could I what?"

Her head snaps up and her eyes blaze. "Were you at Ben's house last night?"

Oh Jesus. Really? How psycho is she? "Angela, we were wrapping up our history project. Our presentation is tomorrow."

She looks like she wants to be relieved, but isn't sure she should be. "Everyone is saying you fucked him. They said you're making your way through the team. Emmett, Edward, Ben…"

_What the ever loving fuck?_

Oh God. I've never touched Emmett below the belt except to occasionally kick him in the ass.

Icy words from long, long ago come back to haunt me. _What about Emmett?_

I'm going to strangle Rosalie Hale. How could Angela believe some bullshit like this? She knows I've never been with Emmett. She knows I love Edward. Why would she think I…? How could she think I would do something like that?

"Angela, Edward and I broke up Monday. Monday! I barely managed to breathe yesterday, and you believe I got over it and turned into a whore in a matter of hours?"

"Lots of people do crappy things when their hearts are broken."

"Not me."

She studies my face for a long moment and then nods.

People are staring at me in the hall as she and I make our way to English. They're whispering and pointing and not even making an effort to be discreet about it. This is just one more thing on top of an already heaping pile of shit. Only I have no idea how to make this go away.

Edward jostles my desk by bumping it as he passes me on the way to his seat. I look up before I can stop myself and immediately regret it. He has shaved since Monday, and instead of glassy, his eyes are narrowed and calculating. The set of his jaw and his tense posture confuse me until it dawns on me. What he's thinking.

I narrow my own eyes in return, not glancing away. Not cowering.

_Fuck you, Edward Cullen. Fuck you._

My lip might be trembling, and my eyes might be watering, but I'm no whore, and he can fuck off. His anger turns to confusion, and I see the moment all the fight leaves him and his body sags a little. Guilt replaces the anger in his eyes, and I have to look away first.

I'd rather die than have his pity.

Class begins and he finally moves past me to get to his desk. Angela clears her throat twice behind me and then kicks the back leg of my desk. When I manage a quick glance back at her, she is pushing a folded piece of notebook paper toward the front corner of her desk. She tips her head back in Edward's direction and scoots it a little closer.

Shifting in my seat, I face forward again, refusing the note with a little shake of my head. When the bell finally rings, I'm already at the door with my backpack slung over one shoulder. I don't want to talk to either of them.

Ben is leaning against the wall outside our Algebra II classroom.

"Bella," he says, standing straight. "Are you okay?" I give him a nasty look. "I guess you heard. God, Bella, I'm sorry. I don't know who started it, but I've been denying it and telling people the truth when they ask. I'm sorry. So sorry." He keeps going on and on. "…anything I can do…"

"You can tell Angela it isn't true." He shouldn't have to tell her. She should know it isn't. I would never.

"Church mouse?"

"Stop calling her that. Her name is Angela. A-N-G-E-L-A." Hostility floods through me. She worships the ground he walks on, and he won't even acknowledge her name. Boys are such incredible assholes. All of them.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry," he says, reaching for my arm.

I step back quickly, hissing, "Don't." There are people staring. Everyone wants to be in the know. "You'll make it worse. Just leave me alone."

He nods, stepping back. "Sure. Yeah, okay. I really am sorry, Bella. I'll talk to Angela, I promise."

If he does talk to her, she'll believe him. I'm sure of it. I wait a full minute before following him in to the classroom. Our desks are on opposite sides of the room in both this class and in history, and I stay as far away from him as humanly possible until I can escape to my truck after Spanish.

Again, I wait until the last minute to take my seat in Biology.

"Ben came over to talk to Angela during lunch today." It's the first time I've heard his voice since Monday. "He told her what really happened. That you just worked on the project and left." I keep doodling. Waves. A palm tree. Seashells. _Don't look up_. He believed it, too. Even if it was just for a minute, he believed it. And that says it all. "I'm sorry. I thought-"

The bell cuts him off. It doesn't really matter though. I know what he thought. The rest of the class is a lesson in torture. Mr. Banner is lecturing, so I focus on his words and take notes furiously. As per my new MO, I'm the first one out the door when the bell rings.

Leah calls after school, and she freaks out when I share today's developments with her. She is outraged and cussing like I've never heard her cuss before. I can't take the drama, so I let her go and turn to Beavis and Butthead. Again. God, I'm so pathetic.

Thursday, Ben and I finally give our stupid presentation. Well, he gives it while I switch out the visuals and try to melt into the background. Mrs. Anderson smiles and gives us a satisfied nod when we're done.

Good. I'm so glad that is over. The best thing I can do is keep my distance from Ben as much as possible. Sooner or later the whispers will stop. Or they'll change. Whatever.

Friday afternoon, I hit the back porch with the pipe right after I get home from school. It's the weekend, and I'm exhausted from dodging Emmett and ignoring Edward all week. This has been the most fucked-up seven days of my entire life. So what if I hit it a little early? The sound of a car door slamming in the driveway makes me jump. I sneak quietly to the back corner of the house, peeking around to see if Renee has come home early.

Carmen is climbing out of a canary yellow Mustang. What the hell?

"Whose car?" I ask as I walk closer.

"Mine, hooker." She taps the roof proudly, grinning from ear to ear.

"No way." Her birthday is in two weeks. She's not even 16 yet. "You don't have a license."

"Pft. This is my car, and I'm going to drive it. Dad gave it to me as an early birthday present. He bought it off some guy in Joyce and couldn't figure out where to hide it for two weeks. So Happy fucking Birthday to me," she says gleefully. "Come on. We're going for a ride."

There's a half smoked bowl hidden on my back porch behind one of Renee's freaky little yard gnome fellows, and I intend to cash that bitch before I leave. Carmen glances at her watch before encouraging me to go ahead and smoke it. Since she has never driven stoned before, and she doesn't have a license, we agree she shouldn't smoke any.

She sits close to me on the porch and then bumps the side of her knee against mine. "You'll be okay, Bella. I promise. It gets better with time."

It's easy for her to say that. I don't doubt her feelings for the guy, but they were together for two weeks. Two weeks. And when it was over, she never had to see Chris again. This is so not the same thing.

We climb into her car after I've returned the pipe to my closet and locked up the house. She starts the engine and guns it a little in my driveway, grinning from ear to ear at the rumbling. "Dad had Jake add a Flowmaster exhaust."

I try to smile at her enthusiasm, but thinking about the afternoon Emmett and I spent at the shop kills it before I can manage.

"Where are we going?" A feeling of dread is settling in my stomach. We're getting closer and closer to PA High. There's a game this afternoon. "No," I whisper when I realize which game this is. PA vs Forks.

_No, no, no, no._

"Stop freaking out," she tells me. "Alice and Jasper are already here. They rode with Peter. His best friend, Liam, still plays."

I don't give a shit about who is here. _He _is here, and this is not a good idea. If I try to stay in the car, she'll go and get Alice. Then there will be a scene. Maybe I can just stay off the radar. My friends will be sitting in the visitors' section anyway.

God, I'm so glad I got stoned before Carmen hijacked my afternoon. She links her arm through mine and strolls across the parking lot like she owns it. I don't know what she is so freaking chipper about, but I have a really bad feeling about this.

We stop for drinks, and because my luck is pure shit, Heidi and Tanya get in line behind us. From their conversation, I gather Forks is kicking the shit out of PA, and I have to remind myself it isn't my fault. Royce made his choices too. Carmen pays and, as we turn to leave the concession stand, I know the gig is up.

"Well, well," Heidi sneers. "You have some nerve showing up here."

"Fuck off, Barbie," Carmen mutters, stepping closer to her.

Heidi takes one look at Carmen's pink hair, the line of piercings down her ear, the magnetic stud on her nose, and the size 6 combat boots that are sitting 3 inches away from her shiny, white Keds. She backs off.

Jesus. This is just unnecessary drama. Nothing good can from it. "Please, let's just go," I beg quietly.

"No," Carmen says, more determined than ever.

Thankfully, the guest bleachers are closest to the parking lot, and Alice the others are sitting in the first section. I take the first empty space which happens to be next to Jasper. He turns to lightly push his knuckles against my chin in a mock punch.

"Al said you had a rough week. It sucks, man."

I snort and it's the closest I've come to smiling in a week. Gotta love Jasper. "Yeah," I agree. "It totally sucks."

"Peanut?" He holds a bag out to me.

"Nah. I'm good."

PA is on the field, and Forks has the bases loaded. Royce's 2nd isn't very good. Royce is pacing behind the coaches bench with his fists balled at his side. Little fucker. I can't prove it, but the more I think about it, the more I'm sure he and Rosalie started the rumors about me and Ben.

I keep my eyes on Emmett. He's a big target to focus on, and, if I'm looking at him, I can't see anything going on behind the pitcher. That's dangerous ground.

"Your ex has a staring problem," Carmen murmurs next to me.

"Don't," I tell her. I don't want to know. If I think about it, I'll be tempted to look. Looking would be catastrophic. Crying in front of all these people isn't an option.

By the end of the third inning, Forks has 5 runs and PA hasn't managed to get on the board. Aaron is up to bat. If they stick with their normal line-up, Edward should be next. When I hear Banks call his name, my eyes are drawn to him. I can steal this moment and look at him, and he'll never know. It hurts like hell. He looks damn good in his uniform. Like he always does.

He swings and misses on the first pitch. The catcher from Forks makes a signal, and the pitcher shakes it off. He glances to his right, where we're sitting, and I turn to look at Carmen in time to catch the faintest nod. My mouth goes dry. He finally nods and unleashes a fast ball. Edward tries to dodge it, but ends up taking it square in the ribs.

Oh God.

I'm out of my seat before the bat hits the ground. _What the fuck were they thinking? _I have to get away from Carmen before I hit her, so I rush past her and continue down the rows of bleachers.

The PA fans are on their feet booing. Players are yelling. And through the chaos, I can see Carlisle rushing over to where Edward is still upright, but on his knees, clutching at his side. Jesus. I'm shaking and wobbly, just trying to get up to the parking lot before I vomit.

"Bella, wait," Alice calls from behind me. Slowing my steps allows her to catch up with me.

"Did you know?"

"No, I swear. You should see the massive ass chewing Jasper is handing Carmen right now. Peter is taking up for her, saying Edward had it coming." At my puzzled expression, she continues, "The girls and I have been pretty vocal about the way you're being harassed at school. That's why so many people showed up today. They wanted to watch Forks cream PA since the star pitcher is out. I really didn't know that was going to happen. Neither did Jasper. We wouldn't do that."

I believe her. She has never, ever lied to me, and there is no good reason for her to start now. Alice isn't the vindictive type. Carmen, however, is completely ruthless. When we get to the Mustang, I realize the doors are locked. And I still have to ride home with a bitch I'd like to punch.

"I'm coming with you," Alice promises. "Carmen and I are going to stay the night," she pauses to hold up a hand when I give her a murderous look. "We're going to talk this shit out tonight, Bella. She made a mistake."

"A mistake-" I stop short when Edward, Carlisle and Esme come into view. Carlisle helps him into the Mercedes, and they leave quickly. I keep my eyes on the ground as the car passes us.

"Bella?" Esme's voice is like one more dagger through my already shredded heart. I expected anger, and, instead, she sounds worried. About me. Looking at her is the last thing I want to do, but I owe her that much.

"I didn't know," I choke out. "I would never want anyone to hurt him. I hope you know that."

"Of course I do." She steps closer, and I can't help shifting away from her. "I know you would never hurt Edward intentionally." The sad double meaning in her words is obvious in her eyes as well. "Carlisle is taking him to the hospital for some x-rays. He doesn't think any ribs are broken, but we want to be sure."

"Please tell him I'm sorry. Please tell him I didn't know."

"I will. But you could come and tell him yourself."

I can't do that. Not when it's my fault he got hurt in the first place. I'll tell him at school on Monday. Ignoring him for the next two years isn't really going to work. We can't be friends anymore, but we don't have to be enemies.

She sighs. "Well, I'm going to meet them at the hospital." She turns to walk to her car. "You know," she says pausing and looking over her shoulder at me. "You don't have to quit. You and I can still work together. You wouldn't have to see Edward."

I can't do that. I love her too much. Shaking my head, I tell her, "I don't think that will work."

"Okay." She nods. "Take care of yourself, Bella."

After Esme drives away, Alice offers me a cigarette. We sit on the sidewalk in front of Carmen's car. It helps with the shakes. Until Carmen and Jasper show up.

"What were you thinking?" I yell at her as I stand.

She's been crying, but she's an angry crier like me, so it's hard to tell why, and she doesn't look sorry. When she opens her mouth to speak, her tone is icy. "It was the best way to make them all pay…the asshole coach who made you run around in the rain, the douchebag who fucked with you, and Edward. Hell, PA's season is down the shitter now, and the whole school pays for being assholes."

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe this will make things worse for Bella?" Jasper seethes.

Her face crumples. In her own fucked-up way, she was trying to defend my honor. I think. It doesn't erase what she did. I'm not ready to forgive her yet.

"I would never want him hurt, Carmen. Regardless of what happened, I still…" I get choked on the words. Saying it out loud isn't possible. "I just…want it to go away. Like it never happened. I don't want to go the rest of my life remembering the five minutes I got to be a part of a real family. Or have someone love me and touch me the way he did." By the time I finish, my arms are wrapped around my waist.

_Hold it together. _

I won't fall apart here. "Please," I beg as she and Alice wrap their arms around me. "Please, just let it go."

"Okay, B. I'm sorry. I was just so angry-"

"Let's leave. I need to be away from here."

Alice tells Jasper to ride back with Peter without her. She's coming home with me for an emergency sleepover. I turn away before they kiss goodbye. Seeing them all lovey dovey is the last thing I need.

Alice calls shotgun, and I'm happy to take the backseat. After buckling up, I twist in my seat so I can rest my head against the cool interior of the car. They win. It would take energy to fight off the two of them together, and I have none left. We've been best friends since grade school, and we promised a long time ago to never let boys come between us. Back then, I couldn't imagine the possibility of something this fucked-up happening. We've all had our little _ass showing _moments, and we've even had spats. Leah slapped Alice once for kissing Lee on the playground when she knew Leah liked him. Alice let her get away with it because she knew she was wrong.

This is so, so much different from every other stupid thing we've ever argued over.

The strain of the week has finally caught up with me, and when my eyes start to droop on the way back to Renee's, I don't fight it.

Alice shakes me awake when we get to the house, and I'm surprised to see Wendy's bags in her hand. The last thing I remember was Carmen starting the car back at the school. They follow me inside, and there's no sign of my mother which probably means she's out with Phil. Carmen passes out drinks as we settle on the sofa. Alice shoots me a death glare when I reach for the TV remote, but it's really out of habit more than anything. There hasn't been much to do lately besides watch television.

She opens the wrapper on a burger and lifts the bun to inspect it. Quickly, she wraps it back up before tossing it to me.

"Junior bacon cheeseburger, extra pickles," she says smiling.

_How can you eat a burger without pickles?_

I've eaten hundreds of these stupid burgers in my life, but the memory of our first meal together is the one my idiotic brain decides to torture me with. Getting upset over a hamburger that costs less than a dollar is so absurd, I almost want to laugh. Or giggle hysterically. Remembering the way he gave me his pickles every single time after that makes me want to cry.

I only manage three bites of the burger. My appetite has been spotty at best this past week. Salty French fries do sound good, though, and I manage to get down an entire biggie order. The girls are dipping their fries in a couple of Frostys. Normally, I'd be all over that, but the last time I did that was with Edward, and the real dessert came later.

I'm going to go crazy. This is going to end up making me insane.

"Okay, we need to talk," Alice says as she puts the last of our trash in the Wendy's bags.

Thank God. At this point, even a knock-down-drag-out with Carmen sounds better than rehashing the Edward/Bella early days I keep reliving inside my skull. Any distraction is welcome.

The girls both admit to being upset over the things that went on at PA this week. It's understandable. I would be upset if I knew one of them was hurting. Carmen goes on to explain how helpless they all felt. Like they should somehow have had my back.

"He should have been there for you this week, Bella. He should have taken up for you. Emmett, too. Don't think I'm going to let him get away so easy."

"No," I snap. "You won't go near Emmett or Edward at all from now on. I'm not kidding, Car. I love you, but I will kick your ass if you ever hurt someone I…I…" Jesus. My mouth is just not working today. I cannot get the words out.

She points her finger in my face while narrowing her eyes and glaring at me. "That!" She steps closer. "Is why I am not sorry for what I did. If it causes more trouble for you, I'll regret it until the day I die, but I'm glad that fucker got a little payback."

"Alice," I say, rubbing my fingers hard across my forehead.

She knows I'm going to lose it if Carmen doesn't back down. "Let's smoke," she says.

Yeah. Let's get stoned and laugh it off and make it go away like all the other bullshit we keep at bay. Because that's worked out so well for all of us so far. As much as I hate leaving something this big unresolved, I really can't think of a way to resolve it. Edward isn't mine anymore. Carmen still is. Alice was right. It was a fuck up. A mistake. A terrible, shitty mistake.

We sit on the back porch in silence, passing a blunt and trying to figure out what the hell we're supposed to say to each other.

After a few tokes, I decide to go first. "That was something _they _would do," I muse aloud. "Royce and his buddies, I mean." The look of shame I wanted is there, but it feels like such a tiny victory. "I don't want to be like them."

"I'll leave it alone," she says holding out her pinky to me.

Hooking mine with hers, I level her with a glare. "I hope you mean that."

-o-

**A/N- Lots of folks were mad at Edward last chapter. I get it. I do. I'm happy to say there were a few ladies taking up for him too. Bella is no angel. She's made some mistakes along the way as well. To quote a reviewer, "they're both being stupid teenagers."**

**Yep. Being a teenager sucks, but when you add sex, drugs, school, hormones, friends, attitudes, baggage, responsibilities…**

**You get the idea. **

**See you soon. Thanks for reading. **

**-MSC**


	17. Chapter 17

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a ladies, v-neck Optimus Prime t-shirt that I wear anytime I need to regulate on my son. Songs I listened to while writing this…Amelia- Joni Mitchell, Why- Annie Lenox, and Linger- The Cranberries. Sometimes one song just isn't enough. **

**M is awesome. She found some booboos and made me laugh when I sent her this yesterday. Any leftover mistakes belong to me. Warnings- Drinking, pot, and a brief account of an attempted physical assault. Nothing worse than the Port Angeles chapter of original Twi. **

Chapter 17

_Oh, I thought the world of you.  
>I thought nothing could go wrong,<br>But I was wrong. I was wrong.  
>If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,<br>Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,  
>But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.<em>

_(Linger- The Cranberries)_

_-o-_

On Monday, I decide to apologize during lunch. It's raining anyway, and I'm sick of getting wet all the time and freezing my ass off in Bio. I hide out in the auditorium until there are only ten minutes left in the period.

The usual crowd is parked at our table. No visitors today.

Edward looks surprised when I approach him.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

He nods and stands, following me out of cafeteria. We're the only ones in the hall, and the sound of our footfalls on the linoleum is the only noise. It's the loudest silence I've ever known.

"I'm sorry about what happened at the game. The pitch was no accident. I'm sure you figured that out. Carmen thought…well, she was angry. It doesn't excuse it, not by any means, and I haven't forgiven her entirely. I'm not sure I know how to. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I didn't know what they were doing. I never wanted any of this."

He stops right outside the door to Banner's classroom, heaves a loud breath, and stares at the floor. I try not to look, really I do, but I can't help glancing at the door to the stairwell where we spent so many lunch periods. My stomach rolls a little, and I have to lean against the wall to stay upright. I've had a Clearly Canadian and a Kit Kat in the last 24 hours, and I think it's starting to catch up with me.

"I don't care about the pitch, Bella." His lips harden into a thin line. "You sat in the visitor's section. That hurt much worse than a couple of bruised ribs."

"So this is about your pride?" I have no room to talk, but I spit the words angrily anyway. "You want to talk about hurt?" I pause, waiting for him to meet my gaze. "You thought I fucked Ben." He looks away immediately.

"You took off your bracelet. Your number was on his Spanish folder. In your handwriting, Bella. What was I supposed to think?"

"How does any of that equate to fucking, Edward?" I step closer. Close enough to smell him. It's a mistake. One that I recognize immediately, but it's too late to back down without losing my point. "You never trusted me. Not even with your own cousin…your best friend." Grinning wryly, I continue, "I thought it was something I was doing wrong. But I've had a lot of time to think this last week, especially after the crap with Ben, and I've realized how shitty that really was of you." I'm trying so hard to sound calm and sure, but my voice is shaky at best. "I never did anything but love you. I didn't do anything to deserve that distrust. And even if you only believed it for a minute…that was sixty seconds too long."

I lean up on my toes to deliver the last part as a whisper in his ear. "I'm the girl who could barely have sex with the lights on, and you really thought I'd sleep with a random guy from school? Or maybe I should feel worse about your belief that I was capable of fucking one of your friends? Which is worse? Because neither of those options makes me feel good, Edward. So don't talk to me about hurt."

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, stepping away and pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. "I wasn't in my right head."

"I'm not sure I know how to forgive you either, but I don't want the next two years to be miserable for either of us, so I'll try to be nice or whatever." Giving him the "let's be friends" speech would be moronic. This is the best I can do, but I'm trying. Really trying to imagine a time when we can maybe get past all this and at least be civil to each other. I really, really don't want to hate him. Loving him might kill me, but I don't think I can let him go completely. "I'm sick of getting rained on coming in from my truck after lunch, so I'm sitting in the cafeteria tomorrow. You can stay at our table or you can leave."

Mr. Banner opens the door as the first warning bell rings and I leave Edward standing in the hall, making my way to our lab table. There really isn't anything left to say.

At least, in my opinion there isn't. Edward disagrees.

"For what it's worth, I know you wouldn't do that. I'm sorry."

Nodding, I open my notebook and begin to doodle in the margins.

People still whisper and stare in the halls. Banks is still an asshole and Rosalie is insufferable. But it isn't any worse than before the game and that disastrous pitch.

Edward decides to stay at our table in the cafeteria. We sit at opposite ends, and I have more stilted conversations with Jane than I care to admit. She's a bit of a mess. Her parents grounded her because of bad grades, and she misses her boyfriend. She tells me twice that she thinks Lonnie is messing around with some girl behind her back, but she can't figure out who it is. I spend a few days guessing with her and narrowing down her list because it gives me something to do besides trying to eavesdrop on Edward's conversations.

In Biology, we work together, only speaking when necessary.

I hate it.

With each day that passes, I keep hoping this is going to go away, the restless, panicky feeling I get every morning when I step out of my truck in the PAH parking lot, but it doesn't. The constant effort it takes to keep a neutral face is exhausting, and I crash every afternoon on the couch as soon as I get home from school.

I've graduated to movies. I couldn't take anymore idiotic cartoons. On good days, I watch _The Lost Boys_, and on bad days, I watch _Dream a Little Dream_. My Coreys collection is as impressive as the Molly one. On good days, I smile for Emmett, and on bad days, I sneak out to eat lunch in my truck.

This is a good day. I've figured out that taking two Benedryl capsules and setting the alarm for exactly 6 hours later helps keep the dreams away. Keeping the dreams away is half the battle. Of course I set myself up to lose every night just by sleeping in his Pink Floyd shirt which, sadly, really does belong to me now. He's not around to share it.

I try not to think about it. There's a brown paper sack in the corner of my bedroom at Renee's house. Everything he ever gave me is inside it. The movies, the music, the earrings. Even my Pearl Jam tape. I can't stand listening to my favorite band anymore. But all the notes and the silly cards are in a Doc Marten shoe box in the top of my closet at Charlie's house with a yellow Wendy's napkin he once wrote _I love you _on. The whole box smells like him.

On bad days, I pull it out to look at the words to remind myself that we were really real. Because you'd never know it by the way we avoid each other at school, and I can't bear to look at the picture, so it ended up in the shoe box too. On the very bottom. Facing down.

Jasper doesn't mind having me as an occasional third wheel on the weekends which is a good thing, since I spend every moment I can in Forks. Renee doesn't seem to have a problem with it. She's too busy fucking Edward's future baseball coach.

The three of us smoke out and watch an unhealthy amount of _Headbanger's Ball. _And I try not to get sad when they sneak off to her room for alone time. Sitting in the dark on Alice's couch is much better than being home rereading love notes or staring at my phone.

Carmen has been keeping her distance. We've talked on the phone a couple of times, but I can't pretend I'm not still angry. So I don't. She's only sorry I'm angry. She's not sorry for hurting him at all, and that's hard to swallow. I love them both, and sometimes I get scared about being mad at Carmen because I don't want to lose her too. So far, she's not giving up and she's giving me the time and the space I need. Thank God.

Leah is claiming she's Switzerland. She understands why Carmen did what she did, and she also understands why I'm angry. When we hang out, she doesn't talk about Carmen, and she doesn't press me to talk about Edward.

Unlike Angela.

Her parents took her and her brothers for mini-golf Saturday night. Edward was at the batting cages with Emmett and Aaron. It is obvious Angela has never had a boyfriend. Or lost one. She has no clue that every word she says about Heidi and Irina hanging out watching the guys is another grain of salt in the wound.

So much for a good day.

It rains before lunch, so I stay inside and take my new normal spot at our table in the cafeteria.

With ten minutes left in the lunch period, Irina approaches the opposite end of the table where Edward and Emmett are seated. She gives me a bright, full smile and her eyes are positively twinkling.

_This can't be good. _

Every hair on my body rises in fury when she lightly places her hand on Edward's shoulder.

"So the limo will pick you guys up between six and six fifteen on Friday. Does that work?" Her voice is sickly sweet, and my brain is whirling, trying to figure out what in the ever loving fuck she's going on about.

Edward glances at me. "Not now, Irina," he says curtly.

"Oh. Right. Well, I've ordered my own corsage. You can pick it up at Frank's any time after three Friday," she tells him, smiling sweetly as she looks down at him.

Limo. Corsage.

_He's taking her to the fucking prom. _

I gather my trash as quickly as possible without making a scene. Three weeks. We've been broken up for three weeks, and he's taking a skank-whore to prom. I can't bring myself to wash my sheets or sleep in my own goddamned bed, and he's taking someone else to prom.

I don't look at them. I can't. I have no idea what my face looks like right now, but it can't be pretty. Angela glances at me as I stand. The sympathy makes me sick.

It's hard to force myself to walk slowly to the garbage can next to the doors. All I want to do is hit the door running. But people are already going to be talking about this, and I don't want to give them more of a show.

There's a girls' bathroom just outside the cafeteria, a good place to disappear for a few minutes. Maybe splash a little water on my face.

"Wait." Thirty more seconds and I would have made it. "Bella, please wait," he says.

I can feel him at my back. Hear his breath. Smell him. The only thing I can't do is walk away.

"It's not what you're thinking. Really, it isn't. That girl, Renata? The senior Em was…" he swallows loudly enough for me to hear it. "Well, you know. Anyway, we were at a party this weekend and there was liquor-"

Of course there was liquor. And probably a little blow. The images are too much. So I do what I'm good at. I let him off easy.

Turning to face him, I pretend to be much, much calmer than I am. "You don't owe me any explanation. It's none of my business. Remember?"

It hurts him. I can see it in his eyes and the grimace he tries to hide. Part of me feels horrible, but the rest is bitterly happy about it. My fight or flight has kicked in finally, and I escape to the bathroom. This is a nightmare. Some kind of fucked-up karmic punch in the gut. I must have been a really shitty person in my last life.

I'm tired. Tired of trying to keep this up. There is no way I can sit next to him for the next hour. And gym? God, Rosalie will probably rub it in my face for the entire period. Renee and Charlie both made me swear not to skip school anymore, and I don't break promises. Ever.

I'm well and truly fucked.

Wait. I only promised not to skip. The bell rings, signaling the end of the period. Before I can second guess myself, I dig through my bag and pull out the pack of Camels. My hands are shaking so badly, it takes me a few seconds to pry the little pink Bic out of the space between the cellophane and the box. Once I have it free, I enter the last stall and lean my back against the wall, letting my backpack and purse fall to the ground. I light the cigarette and pull on it as long and as hard as possible, hotboxing the hell out of it to produce as much smoke as possible.

Ms. Barrett is the lucky one who finds me. She's _shocked_ and _appalled_ she tells me as she marches me to the principal's office.

I sit in a hard plastic chair across from Mrs. Leonard, staring at my fingernails in my lap, and trying not to smile. It would hardly be appropriate. There is a zero tolerance policy regarding smoking in the school. I should get a nice three day home suspension out of this.

I'm still sitting in the same chair when the final dismissal bell rings a couple of hours later. Minutes later, Renee walks through the office door, and any happy thoughts disappear. I might not have thought this through very well.

Mr. Simpson calls us into his office and closes the door. The glare my mother gives me is absolutely chilling.

"Bob, please-," she begins, only to be cut off by the slicing motion of his palm.

"Bella." He looks at me, ignoring my mother completely. "I'm well aware of what goes on in the halls of this school." My cheeks flame as I think of stolen moments in a corner stairwell. "I know these last few weeks have been…rough. Where there are teenagers, there will be gossip. Had anyone touched you, I could have intervened, but my hands are tied when it comes to the rumor mill."

I stare at my knees, wondering if Renee knew too.

"If I suspend you, you will automatically be expelled from the Honor Society," he continues. "Is that what you want?"

No. It isn't what I want. It's something I didn't even stop to consider. I shake my head.

"Look at me, Bella," he says. I raise my head, defeated, embarrassed, and entirely ashamed of myself. "A home suspension would go on your permanent record. Since you've never been in any kind of trouble before, and you are an exemplary student under normal circumstances, I'm going to give you a one week In School Suspension instead. Starting tomorrow. It won't affect your Honor Society standing. Consider this as your only warning, young lady."

"Yes, sir," I whisper.

He nods, and, for him, the matter is done. My mother and I stand, recognizing our dismissal. She is on my heels when I step into the hallway.

"Wait for me at home, Bella." She passes me, probably on the way back to her room.

"But I…" I want to go to Forks. I'm up every morning at 5:30 anyway, so I've been spending the night there and driving to school for the last week.

"You're grounded. Two weeks."

Oh God. She's trapping me here. And I can't even argue about it because I deserve it.

"Okay," I tell her.

She stops, turning to face me. If she's looking for defiance, she won't find it. "You can still go to Forks on the weekends," she says softly.

She did know. Not everything, but she must have heard some of it. "Thanks, Mom."

The drive home seems to take so much longer than normal. I spend every minute of it wondering if it really isn't what I think like Edward suggested. The ISS is even okay because it will keep me from seeing him for the next week. Or overhearing any prom details. I won't have to deal with Rosalie shoving shit down my throat. Part of me thinks Mr. Greene might realize what a huge favor he actually did for me. A vacation from the rumor mill will be nice. Even if I am grounded.

I call Alice when I get home so I can share the day's events with her. She says I'm a total moron, and I agree. We make plans for the weekend, and she tells me to write her a note to keep from going crazy during ISS. It's her subtle way of reminding me to take something to do in case I run out of school work. She knows I will sit there getting worked up over Edward the entire time if I don't. Point taken.

Renee gets home around six. On her way into the kitchen, she offers me a fresh salad for dinner. I decline. _Star Wars _is on HBO, and she won't let me eat on the couch. And to be totally honest, a salad just sounds disgusting.

I'm fighting sleep, knowing it's too early, but I'm so tired because I haven't been sleeping well. A sharp knock at the door has me sitting up looking for Renee.

It's almost seven, and I'm wondering if this is that Phil guy. This isn't exactly the best day for me to meet him. I can only imagine the things my mother will tell him about me.

She breezes by me, looks through the peephole, and lets out an annoyed huff. She turns. "It's for you. You have five minutes."

I push away the quilt I've been living under for the last few weeks and stand. "Who is it?"

She doesn't answer as she makes her way back to the kitchen.

I'm anxious as hell about opening the door, but a second series of knocks ends any further internal debate. I yank the door open and stare.

Edward is standing on my porch. Angry and a little dirty from practice, but still. He's here.

My first instinct is to slam the door in his face, but I've made one too many impulsive decisions already today. He obviously has something to say, so I should just let him say it so he'll get off my porch. There is no way in hell I'm going to invite him in. He doesn't need to know I'm living on my mom's couch, and I'll be damned if he runs me off of it too by getting his scent all over it.

He waits until I've stepped out and closed the door behind me to pounce. "What the fuck were you thinking, Bella? Were you _trying _to get suspended?" He's practically yelling at me, but he really doesn't need to. He has no idea how absolutely mortified I am over my stupidity. Having him call me out on it probably makes this the most embarrassing moment of my life.

I can't speak. Hell, I've got my lips mashed together so tightly they're probably blue, just to keep them from trembling in front of him. I haven't cried in over a week, and I'm not about to give in now in front of him.

"I tried to tell you after lunch. I'm not taking Irina to prom. I told her after school today, before practice. Renata asked Emmett a couple of weeks ago. Irina showed up at the party, talking about how her prom date came down with the chicken pox. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but somehow Royce was there saying I should take her so she wouldn't have to go stag. I never said I would, Bella. I asked Emmett again this morning after Irina met me at my locker to tell me what color vest to order with my tux. He was more fucked up than I was, but he's backing me up that I never said yes."

I walk to the edge of the porch, studying the side of my neighbor's house because it's easier than looking at him.

"Now, answer me. Were you trying to get suspended?"

I can tell he's right behind me. I could probably fall backward and land in his arms, he's so close. But the trouble is I don't trust him to catch me anymore.

It doesn't really matter that he isn't taking Irina to prom. Someday, he will be taking another girl somewhere. He'll start dating. He'll move on.

And I'll still be sleeping on my mother's couch. Stuck like this forever.

I was wrong to think we could be friends someday. It will never happen. As long as I'm breathing, I'll want him. "I don't know what you want me to say, Edward. I don't know why I did it. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"You mean it seemed better than sitting next to me at our table?"

"Yes."

He lets out a long breath. "Wow," he says flatly. "Okay. I'll take care of it. I'll tell Banner to switch my seat with someone else's. There are only two labs left anyway."

The porch light comes to life moments before the front door opens. Edward and I both turn to see my mother leaning out the door. "Your time is up, Bella."

I nod in acknowledgement, and she closes the door softly.

"Look, I'm grounded, and I should really try not to piss her off any more today," I explain, walking past him to the door. His offer to switch lab partners hurt like hell, and I need to get inside before I have a complete and total meltdown.

He looks at me for a long moment like he's trying to puzzle me out. Then he steps forward until he's inches away. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of Edward Cullen. Having him so close is dangerous for me. I want to jump back in for another hit. Heart first. Body second. Even now I want to strip down and bring him inside.

I watch as he leans in slowly and feel stubble against my cheek a moment before his lips ghost across the skin right in front of my ear. "Take care of yourself, Bella," he whispers.

_No._

_Stop._

_Don't go._

All of those things run through my mind as I watch him turn and walk away from me. The front door opens behind me as his car backs out of the driveway. The taillights are blurry, and I'm shivering when Renee finally convinces me to come inside.

ISS turns out to be a blessing. The classroom is in the basement and there isn't a single window in it. It is artificial lighting and concrete walls with six rows of five desks. I've gone to this school for almost three full years now, and I swear I've never seen any of these kids before. I'm not sure how that is possible unless they just live here in the basement.

The looks in the hall before homeroom each morning vary. There are still a few evil chicks, like Rosalie and Irina, who bitchface me at every opportunity, and that's fine. When Irina looks at me, I stare back and smile. He may not have wanted to keep me, but he sure as hell doesn't want her either. Thank God.

By Wednesday afternoon, I'm bored out of my fucking gourd. I've done all of my class work assignments, all of my homework, and I've written Alice a 13 page note. When the final dismissal bell rings, I make a quick trip to my locker to dump all of my stuff so I won't have to lug it home and back. The halls are almost completely empty. The few people standing around are whispering furiously.

The stairs are jam packed right outside the exit of the school, and I have to push up onto my toes to see what's going on. A siren sounds and red lights flash atop an ambulance as it pulls out of the school driveway and onto the street.

I glance around frantically until I spot Edward and Emmett just outside the exit near the gym. Seeing both of them safe and sound is such a relief.

Jane steps up next to me. "How was the dungeon?" she asks quietly.

"Fine," I tell her, craning my neck to try to get another glimpse of Edward. "What happened?" I gesture to the commotion in the parking lot.

"Rosalie Hale fell out in the middle of the gym," she says airily, twirling her hair and swiveling her body.

"Is she okay?" I might hate the girl, but I don't wish her dead. Not really.

"Who cares?" Jane rolls her eyes. "That chick, Heidi, was running around telling everyone it was diet pills. I mean, what the fuck, Bella? If you're gonna take pills, take good shit like Valium or Ludes. Rosalie Hale might weigh a buck oh five, soaking wet. What the fuck did she need to take diet pills for?"

I'm not going to argue pharmaceuticals with Jane.

Instead, I catch one last glimpse of Edward and Emmett as they reenter the school building. The crowd disperses and there is already a small traffic jam made up of cars trying to get out of the school parking lot now that the excitement is over. Jane and I sit on the top step for a few minutes, waiting for the dust to settle.

Royce stalks across the lot, and the crowd parts in front him as he makes his way to the door Edward and Emmett went through. Irina catches up to him as he reaches for the handle.

"Looky, looky," Jane whispers evilly.

As we watch, Irina places her hand on Royce's chest, leaving it there for a moment before sliding it down his abs. He catches her wrist before she makes it to his belt and holds her arm out between them. His head is cocked and, by the way she is gesturing with her free hand, it's obvious she's running off at the mouth.

He grins at her wolfishly and nods, sealing whatever deal they've just made. I shiver. Poor Rosalie. First she gets hauled off in front of the whole school in an ambulance, and now her boyfriend is courting Satan. Maybe she deserves it. Maybe she doesn't. But I sure wouldn't want to be in her shoes.

Bella Swan turns out to be small potatoes compared to Rosalie Hale. My transgressions are long forgotten come Thursday morning, and the only thing anyone is talking about is Rosalie. Her fall from grace. Or as Angela likes to call it, her fall from the Homecoming float.

She catches me up in homeroom Thursday morning. Heidi and Irina are both sticking with the diet pill story, and, according to the word in the hall, Royce is taking Irina to prom.

Wow. And I thought **I** had it bad.

I'm amazed and horrified at how quickly Rosalie's friends have turned on her. I would die if The Pack hung me out to dry and betrayed me like that. The worst part is Rosalie probably has no idea what is even happening. Rumor has it she's in the hospital. Other rumors have her already shipped off to some posh, secluded rehab for teens.

The only person taking up for Rosalie is Tanya, and she's doing it with silence. I have mad respect for the girl, though. I know how daunting it is to feel like the whole world, or in this case, the entire student body, is against you. She doesn't contribute to the gossip and, at the end of the day, Angela tells me Tanya sat alone at lunch, away from her crowd. It's a lot more than anyone did for me. Even Angela second guessed me for a while.

My first day back to class is painful. Edward doesn't even acknowledge I'm alive. Before my ISS, I'd catch him looking at me sometimes. He doesn't even do that anymore. It's like I'm invisible. True to his word, when I walk into Biology, a junior named Alicia is sitting in Edward's seat. He's been moved to the complete opposite side of the room.

Banner lectures for a solid 45 minutes, but I'm lost in my head reminding myself of all the reasons it's a good thing he moved. I'm still not convinced by the time the bell rings.

It's funny. I never noticed what an incredibly sexy back Edward has while I was with him. I guess I just never really saw it because he wasn't walking away from me back then.

I only make the mistake of dozing off without setting an alarm clock one time.

The dream is simple. He and I in his car. Not fucking in the back seat, but talking and laughing in the front. Renee wakes me up on her way in from one of her dates with Phil, and thanks to my unwelcome nap, I can't get back to sleep. So I sit up half the night watching TV and wondering if it was a dream or a memory because I'm starting to have trouble discerning between the two.

My haven is Forks, and the weekends are my salvation. Charlie doesn't ask questions, and he doesn't complain when I spend the night at Alice's house instead of at home. Jasper doesn't complain about it either, even after Alice and I convince him to cut off the metal hair one Friday night while smoking on the back porch.

The three of us stop by Louise's Salon the next day, and as Alice and I watch, Carmen's grandma, Louise, gives him a respectable cut. He keeps it long on top, but lets her buzz everything at ear level. Louise coos and calls him "sugar" every time he grimaces, and when she's done, he stands and runs his hand through what is left of his hair as he inspects his new look in the mirror.

There's a glint in his eye when he tips Louise and winks at her. Alice is smiling like the cat that ate the canary because this was only Phase One of her plan. She is determined to have Jasper dressing in the 90s by the time junior year starts. Next up: slowly integrating colors into his wardrobe. He owns black jeans, black tees, and black boots. Oh, and one pair of black Dickies cargo shorts which I've never seen, but Alice swears exist.

I warn her to be careful what she wishes for.

The end of the year is fast approaching, and I don't really mind because studying for finals gives me something to do. I don't resume driving back and forth everyday between PA and Forks during the school week, even after my punishment is over. And I'm still not sleeping in my bed at Renee's house. She doesn't even ask me why anymore.

Royce and Irina are the new royalty at PAH. Since the dismal end of the baseball team's season, they've been seen all over town together.

Rosalie comes back to school two weeks before the end of the school year. She keeps her head down in the hall, and Tanya sticks by her every day. They ignore the whispers and sit alone in the corner of the cafeteria during lunch. Rosalie doesn't have to participate in gym anymore, so I'm guessing she has some kind of doctor's note on file now.

The bitchy, mean girl who tortured me this year is gone. Her daily attire has switched from Ralph Lauren to gray sweats, a baggy t-shirt, and Nike's. She sits and stares at nothing for the entire hour, and I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me because I shouldn't care.

She just _looks _the way I _feel. _Dead on the inside.

The difference between us is I know that if I let it bring me to my knees, I might not ever be able to stand again. She's already given up. At the end of her first week back, she looks so forlorn that I can't stop myself from walking over to her in the gym.

It's a stupid move because I have no idea what to say to her once I'm standing two feet away. "Are you okay?" There are tears in her eyes, and I knew the answer before I even asked the stupid question.

Her gaze moves from the far wall she's been staring at for the last five minutes and she glares at me. "Like you give a fuck," she hisses, swiping at the tears on her face with the back of her palms.

I should have known better. She may be down, but she's not out. I give her a little smile, and instead of being an asshole to her, I let her have this one. She needs it more than I do.

After school, I head straight to Forks. One more week. If I can just make it one more week, I can ditch PA for the summer. I try to feel happy about it, but if anything, there's only a dull ache. Moments like these make me wonder if I'll ever be normal again. Or happy.

My life was cool before Edward came along. I've always had my girls and we manage to make each other smile or pick each other up when things get bad. Charlie is the best dad in the world. And Renee, well, she tries. Sometimes. The stuff with Jake was shitty, but looking back, I know it was my pride that hurt more than anything after our breakup. This is different.

By the time I get home, I'm in such a funk I load a bowl in my truck and head straight to the woods out back. Alice and the others are going to a bonfire out at First Beach tonight, the last one of the school year. The seniors have already graduated, and for some of them, this will be a last.

It's probably the weed, but, fuck, two more years sound like a goddamned eternity when I tell myself that's how long I really have left. I know a few months aren't really going to make a difference, and when August rolls around again, seeing Edward will hurt just as much as it did today.

Alice said to call if I want to come, but when I think of the last time I was there…

This has to stop. The constant loop in my head is driving me fucking nuts. The fucking world does not revolve around Edward Cullen.

That's exactly what I tell Alice when I call her to accept the invitation. Jasper finally got his license and his parents gave him an old, gray Impala. It's a heap like my truck, but he offers to be DD for the night, so Alice and I let him. We stop by Peter's house to pick up the booze he got from a friend earlier.

I'm shocked when Alice steps out and pushes the seat forward. He climbs into the backseat next to me, and I try not to panic when he smiles a lazy, stoned smile.

"You look much better than the last time I saw you," he says cautiously.

"Thanks." I stare out the window, smoking and flicking ashes out of Jasper's cracked window.

We stop at the diner for dinner. If Alice and I are going to drink, we need food on our stomachs. It was Jasper's only condition. When we walk through the door, I realize sitting at a table or a booth puts Peter and me next to each other. I pick a spot at the long counter and toss my bag on a stool before walking over to the jukebox.

Alice joins me and steals three plays from me by punching the numbers while I'm still flipping through the selections.

"What the hell did you play?" I ask her, shoving her away.

"I have no idea. Those were just random numbers."

She lucks out because the first shot in the dark is Johnny Cash. I don't like much country, but even I love the man in black. Jasper comes over and takes her hand, pulling her to him and spinning her around in the middle of the restaurant.

"Disgusting isn't it?" Peter says casually as I take my seat. He's watching them with a smile on his lips, and it's easy to see why so many girls have given him full groupie benefits.

I study the menu even though I already know I'll order chili cheese fries. I've seen Alice and Jasper together enough to know they're disgusting. In a perfect kind of eat-your-heart-out-you-know-you-wish-you-could-be-like-us sort of way. Constant. Steady. He loves Alice, pot, and art. They still haven't said it, but I know what love looks like now, and he loves her. And as weird as it is, he's the one normal thing she has. She loves him too. Maybe they work so well because they don't complicate shit with declarations and promises.

"They're sweet." It's meant to be a compliment, but comes out sounding sad and pathetic.

The second song turns out to be Madonna. There are few artists Jasper hates more than Madonna, so Alice cons Peter into dancing with her, and Jasper joins me at the counter. He mock-howls the lyrics to "Crazy For You" until I point out that he _knows _them which means he must have liked it some point.

"Can't get anything past you, Swan," he grumbles.

Tons of other kids show up at the diner, and dinner turns out to be a bit of a pre-party party, and then the drive to the res is a mile-long caravan.

"Is this normal?" I ask Alice as we grab blankets from the trunk.

She glances around at the full parking lot and shrugs. "Sure. The last party of the year is always the biggest. Everyone comes to it. Even the kids who have already graduated."

I've never seen this much alcohol. Kids in Forks don't play. Carmen introduces me to her new good friend, Cisco. It's a cheap wine that tastes like cough medicine and has me fucked up in no time. Other than a brief confrontation with the pitcher of the Forks' baseball team, the night is easy until it gets late and all the couples start making out. Leah and I smoke a bowl with Tyler and Peter and a few other single folks. Leah sings a few Joni Mitchell songs as Tyler plays guitar. Her voice is beautiful and seductive and lulls me into a false sense of security.

_Maybe I've never really loved_

_I guess that is the truth_

_I've spent my whole life in clouds at icy altitudes_

_And looking down on everything_

_I crashed into his arms_

_Amelia, it was just a false alarm_

Jessica sings with her, and Peter bobs his head slowly with his eyes closed. They're all okay, and to them it's just a song. But it makes me want to step into the ocean and keep on walking until I reach the clouds.

I try to leave Saturday around noon to do some grocery shopping, but my truck won't start. When I call the shop, Jake tells me they're swamped and promises to be at my house bright and early Sunday morning to check it out.

Surprisingly, he keeps his word. The alternator is fucked, and Jake doesn't have the part on hand at the shop. He'll have to order it and pick it up in PA.

Great. The last few days of school and I'll have no wheels. Just perfect. On the upside, Jake said he could make the trip on Thursday and pick me up after school so I won't have to wait around on Renee to give me a lift back to Forks. He's also going to handle the labor free of charge.

The library is closed on Sundays, so I call Leah to see if she wants to hang out and maybe give me a ride to the Port. She wants some new dresses and flops, so she's more than willing to drive as long as I agree to shop with her. Since I really don't have a choice, I agree.

We both end up getting long sundresses at the vintage shop, and she talks me into a really ugly pair of Birkenstock sandals. They look like Jesus shoes, but damn. They're comfortable.

We run into Ben and Aaron as we're leaving a greeting card store in the mall, and I introduce them to Leah. Ben invites us to have dinner and hang out with them. Leah looks uncomfortable, and the last thing I want is someone from school to see me with Ben and Aaron in public. They'll probably start rumors that I'm letting them tag team me. Fuck that. I decline politely, steering Leah with my hand on her arm as we retreat.

I take her to eat at Pam's early, long before the dinner crowd arrives. She's restless and doesn't want to go home yet, so she suggests a movie. I agree as long as it isn't a romantic comedy. She has a strange crush on Pauly Shore, and we end up seeing _Encino Man. _It's so stupid and cheesy that it actually makes me chuckle a few times which makes Leah smile hugely.

She hugs me in her car in Renee's driveway. "Thursday, hooker. You can do this. Just a few more days."

As I watch her drive away, I know I have the best friends in the world. Seriously.

I'm five minutes into a Spader movie on Cinemax when someone pounds on the front door. I check the peephole and get more than a little creeped out. Ben is on my porch. Alone. At my house.

Shit.

Instead of inviting him in, I open the door and step out onto the porch with him. He smells like booze, and there isn't a car in sight.

"Did you walk here?" I ask.

"Walked. Ambled. Shuffled. Roamed. Stepped," he rambles as I pull the door closed behind me. He leans in close. "Ambulated." Then he throws his head back and laughs. I shiver. "See?" He stares. "I'm smart too."

_Okayyyyy_

"What are you doing here?"

"You know, Royce may be a stupid son of a bitch when it comes to school, but he's a genius when it comes to girls. He knew showing up all the time and befriending Edward would get under your skin. We know his type…the shy kid who's always wanted to be popular."

I hate him. How could I have been so, so wrong about him? Usually, I can read people pretty well, but somehow this asshole slipped right through my radar. They manipulated Edward and me and purposefully-

"The thing that baffled us all was how in the hell he ended up fucking you in the first place. The first day you showed up at PA, I said hello to you and you looked at me like I was gum on the bottom of your shoe." He steps closer, and I can't help but inch back. "You think you're so special, don't you? Too cool for just anybody. Too cool for me." He's so close now that I can smell the alcohol on his breath, and my back is against the wall of the house.

"You should have seen his face." He laughs. "When Rosalie told him I fucked you, I thought he was going to cry. She laid it on really thick too. Complete with 'I'm sorry' and head shaking. She was brilliant. It was the final nail in the coffin, so to speak."

It's killing me to listen to him talk about this like it's no big deal. Like ruining my life and taking away the person I love most is some kind of game to him.

"But that one backfired on me," he continues. "The plan was for me to be the one who stepped up. Yeah, that one really backfired on me." He raises his hand and reaches for my hair, gently gathering a handful and leaning in to smell it.

_Oh God. _

_Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. _

He's crazy. He was wrong. Angela is exactly his type. They're both obsessive freaks.

I hate that his fucking hands are on me, but I know I need to be careful. He's drunk and possibly high, and I know he's a lot stronger than me. Renee still isn't home, and I have no idea when she'll be back. Breathing through the panic, I try to remember all the things Charlie and Mark taught me about self defense.

Reasoning with him should be the first step.

I put my hands up between us trying to regain some space, but before I can push against his chest, he catches my left arm just above my wrist and squeezes hard. The rage in his eyes frightens me as he shoves me against the wall and presses his body against mine.

"You'll blow him in a stairwell on your knees, but you won't let me touch your hair? That's so fucked up," he slurs, lowering his face to my neck. "There are windows on those big metal doors, you know." His free hand is running down the right side of my body and he pins my left arm to the wall. "I've waited long enough. My turn."

The scream that's been stuck in my throat is swallowed when he attacks my mouth. The smell of Obsession is choking me along with his tongue until I bite down on his lip as hard as I can. He staggers back a little, and it's the opening I need to bring my knee up and plant it in his balls. Twice.

Thank you, Mark.

He staggers back, and I push his shoulders as hard as I can until he falls on his ass. Thank God he's drunk.

I open the door quickly, thanking my lucky stars that he's laid out on my porch instead of me. "Courtesy of the Forks Police Department. No means no, motherfucker. Now, get the hell off my porch." I slam the door and lock it, trembling and shaking and breathing like I just ran a fucking marathon.

My legs give out, and I end up on the floor. A rocking, sniveling, achy mess. My first instinct is to call Charlie. My arm is an angry red, and I know there will be a bruise by morning. But when I run it through in my head, nothing happened that we could act on. Thank God.

I can smell him all over me, and it makes me sick. As soon as I can stand, I do, and a shower makes me feel almost human again. For the first time since Edward and I broke up, I climb into my bed. Breathing deeply and huddling under the covers, I let myself think about him. I'd rather deal with dreams of Edward than the nightmares of what just happened on my porch.

I'm already awake and dressed with breakfast on the table when Renee finally gets up Monday morning. She gives me a funny look and disappears to get a cup of coffee. I wore this sweater almost every day in ninth grade so it's thin and worn and comfortable. I'll be a little warm this week, but I can pull off wearing this sweater easier than long sleeve shirts or a denim jacket with a Bon Jovi patch sewn on the back of it. I can't stand to look at my arm, and I don't want anyone else to see it either.

When we get to the school, I go with Renee to the office so she can sign in. I don't want to be alone here, so I offer to help her carry one of the two boxes labeled with our last name and her room number. She explains that the boxes contain the class shirts for the kids in her homeroom.

She chuckles a little when we reach her classroom and there are two more large boxes on floor next to the door.

"Yearbooks too." She shakes her head. "This is going to be an unproductive day."

She unlocks the door and we place the shirt boxes on the floor just inside the room. The yearbook boxes are heavier, so I drag them into the room instead of trying to lift them.

Renee is caught up in her preparations, so I slip into one of the desks in the back of the room and pull out Jasper's copy of _Jubilee. _He has recently become obsessed with the Civil War and insisted I read it since Alice won't. She says it has too many pages.

If my mother is curious about why I'm hiding out in her room, she doesn't let it show. I stay until I risk being tardy. She must have ordered a shirt and a yearbook for me because both are waiting on me when I get to Mrs. Simpson's room, and I don't want either of them.

Angela stops with me at my locker so I can shove the shirt into it and grab my English notebook and the textbooks I'll need before lunch. She confiscates my yearbook so she can sign it sometime today. I'm about to tell her to keep the damn thing when Ben and Royce walk by.

"Morning, ladies," Ben says.

I hold tightly to my locker door and try to hide my shaky hands. When I look at Angela, she is smiling a punchdrunk stupid smile at his retreating figure. For the first time ever, I'm thankful he isn't interested in her. He's a worthless fucker and she deserves better.

I'm too much of a coward to sit in the cafeteria so I end up in Renee's class during lunch as well.

After school, I help her take down the art from the walls of her classroom and pack up leftover supplies. Tuesday is an exact repeat of Monday. Without the shirts and yearbooks.

I can't hide out in Renee's room on Wednesday because we have a funky exam schedule going on and there are kids testing in her class. It's my first time in the cafeteria all week, and everyone at the table looks up in surprise when I show up and sit down next to Jane.

At the bottom of my written exam in PE, I write a personalized note to Coach Banks thanking him for being a douche all year and wishing him a miserable retirement. Walking out the door after school and knowing I'll never see him again is enough to make me feel a little better.

Until I run into Royce on his way out of Renee's classroom. Literally. His hands fly up to my shoulders to steady me, and I recoil.

"Jesus, Swan. I was just trying to make sure you didn't fall on your ass," he says loudly in a friendly, teasing voice. I relax a little until he leans in and whispers, "Or your knees." He leans back, winks, and then takes off down the hall. I want to follow him and jump on his back and claw his eyes out, but none of those things would change what has happened.

I spend most of my night studying in my usual spot on the couch. One night in my bed was all I could stand.

In the morning, Renee looks at the brown paper sack in my arms and raises her brow, but she manages to keep quiet about it on the drive to school. I carry it around all day, never once letting it out of my sight. I skip lunch and head to my locker so I clean it out. When the bell rings after Biology, I need to get the hell out of this place as quickly as possible. I throw the folders, the class shirt, and a few pens into my backpack and leave the rest for the janitors.

When the bell rings and Banner opens the door, I'm the first one in, and I walk calmly over to Edward's new lab table and leave the sack on his stool. Walking away from it is hard. Throwing that stuff away was impossible. I know. I tried to several times and just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I'm the first one finished, and since it is last period, Mr. Banner tells me to have a nice summer after dismissing me early.

Jake promised he would be here at least an hour early when I talked to him last night. I hope like hell he remembered. I want to get away before Edward has a chance to look inside that paper sack.

Emmett calls my name as I join him on the front steps. He leans over to the senior girl, Regina, or whatever her name is, and whispers something before walking over to join me. I scan the parking lot as he walks over and I wonder what is taking Jake so freaking long.

"Here's your yearbook," he says as he approaches. He raises his arm like he is going to put it around me. I shift away from him quickly. He looks at me oddly and I ignore it, choosing to shove the yearbook in my backpack with all of the other useless shit I'm carrying around.

"Em, I need to tell you something," I look up at him, begging him with my eyes to just pay attention and believe me. "Royce and Ben? They're not your friends. They aren't Edward's friends either. You need to watch out for them, okay?"

Before he can answer, I hear the Rebel, and my eyes find Jake as he parks directly in front of the school at the bottom of the steps. Stupid showoff.

"Have a good summer, Em. I'll see ya around."

"What the fuck is he doing here, Bella?" he asks as he grabs my arm to keep me from walking away. I wince and yank it from him, cradling it with my other hand. Too late, I realize the mistake. He has my hand in his with the sleeve of my sweater pushed up before I can escape.

His face goes blank as he processes the bruise covering most of the area above my wrist. I yank my hand back and pull down my sleeve quickly.

"He's giving me a ride home," I tell him over my shoulder as I leave him standing there. At the bottom of the stairs, I pause near the giant black trashcan just long enough to drop my backpack in. I don't want any of that shit anyway.

Girls are staring slack-jawed at the sight of Jake on his bike. Ignoring the small crowd gathering, I take the extra helmet from his outstretched hand and climb on behind him. "Go," I tell him, pulling it over my head. "Please, Jake. Just go."

-o-

**A/N- Wait! Before you flounce or flame, this will NOT become a Bella/Jake fic. I'd sooner chew off my hands at the wrists, mkay?**

**That said, this would probably be a good time to decide if you trust me. After reading the reviews, I feel obligated to let you know this won't be a quick fix fic. Sorry. This is where the whole "coming of age" thing comes into play. Bella has some growing up to do. **

**I know I said chapters would be shorter, but this one was originally supposed to be 2. I trimmed some fat and made it one big one. Hope that's okay. Next chapter? SOMEBODY becomes a daddy.  
><strong>

**The Coreys are Corey Haim (RIP) and Corey Feldman. I still love **_**Dream a Little Dream. **_

**I read a lovely oneshot this week called "Wicked Game" by mugglemom08. Parts of the story are set in 92 and there is a poetry-reading, guitar-playing, singing, grungy Edward in it. He's swoony. Check it out and leave her some love. **

**Ever been suspended? **

**Thanks for reading!  
><strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**S Meyer owns Twilight. Hubs owns a (sealed) juvy record. Me? The one time my friends got arrested, I was at home. Grounded. Thank goodness. Music? The Ballad of Jayne- L.A. Guns, Junkhead- Alice In Chains, and Pepper- Butthole Surfers (borrowed from 1996). **

**M helped clean this up, but any mistakes are mine. Warnings-drugs, violence, hotties.**

Chapter 18

_They were all in love with dyin'  
>They were drinking from a fountain<br>That was pouring like an avalanche  
>Coming down the mountain<em>

_I don't mind the sun sometimes_  
><em>The images it shows<em>  
><em>I can taste you on my lips<em>  
><em>And smell you in my clothes<em>  
><em>Cinnamon and sugary<em>  
><em>And softly spoken lies<em>  
><em>You never know just how you look<em>  
><em>Through other people's eyes<em>

_(Pepper- Butthole Surfers)_

-o-

"Oh my God, she's so little," I whisper, leaning over to peek at the tiny baby Jake has cradled in his arms.

"No shit," he says.

I think he's still in shock. Maria called him from the hospital this morning and told him she was being discharged. She also told him she didn't want their daughter. From what Charlie and I have gathered, he drove to the hospital to try to talk some sense into her and deny the kid was his. Her dad met him at the door with signed papers relinquishing custody and a baby in a car seat.

When he saw her, he just knew. He's been saying that over and over since he showed up on our doorstep.

"She looks like my mom. I couldn't let Maria give her away to strangers," he says quietly. He turns to Charlie. "You've got to come with me to tell Dad. Please, Charlie."

"Fuckkkk. You haven't told Billy?"

"Bella, mouth."

"Sorry, Dad. But damn." If Jake's whole life wasn't falling apart right now, I'd be tempted to smack him.

Charlie disappears into the kitchen. I know he's calling Billy to tell him. Walking in with a kid might give the old man a heart attack. Jake just isn't thinking clearly.

"What are you doing, Jake?" I ask. "What are you going to do with her?"

He looks at me like I'm stupid. "I'm keeping her. She's my daughter, Bella."

_Whoa. _

That's some seriously heavy shit. What is he going to do with a baby?

She starts to cry, and he panics. "What's the matter with her?" He looks at me like I'm supposed to know.

"Have you checked her diaper?" Charlie asks as he rejoins us in the living room.

Jesus. Jake looks like he's about to cry too. "I don't know what to do," he whispers.

Over Jake's head, Charlie gives me a _get lost _look, and I'm more than happy to escape. There has never been a more perfect moment to take a smoke break. This is the first time I've seen Jake since he fixed my truck a couple of weeks ago, and he didn't mention then that it was getting close to Maria's due date. I wonder if he even knew. Now, he's inside getting a diaper changing lesson with Charlie. Jake couldn't have two better role models as a single dad than Billy and Charlie. But still. He's fucked.

Referring to Jake as a dad is the weirdest thing ever. I mean we're kids. He's supposed to go to UW in the fall.

Thankfully, Jasper and Alice show up early to drive me to Port Angeles. Charlie and Jake are talking quietly in the living room. When I come down with my suitcase in hand, Charlie stands and meets me at the door.

"Have great trip, kid. Take lots of pictures for me, okay?" He hugs me tightly. "Remember what I told you about New York, Bella."

"Yes, Dad. You gave a mini-presentation complete with crime statistics. I'll be fine. See you in a couple of weeks." I glance over at Jake. For a second, he looks like he's fifteen instead of eighteen. The baby is sleeping in the carrier at his feet. "She's beautiful, Jake. What's her name?"

"Hannah. Maria named her Hannah Paige Black."

"Good luck," I tell him earnestly. He nods and Charlie steps out onto the porch with me. I repeat the words for my father.

"He'll be alright. There are worse things in life than becoming a father at eighteen." He smiles and winks. "Trust me. I know."

"I love you, Dad."

"Back at ya."

Jasper meets me at the trunk and takes my suitcase like a gentleman. A gentleman wearing a white t-shirt. A white _And Justice For All _Metallica shirt. I grin a little. He might stand a chance against Alice after all.

"I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow and we won't see each other for six whole weeks," she complains on the way to PA. "Are you taking a dime with you?"

"Where the fuck would I smoke it, Alice?" She shared her drug smuggling technique with me the last time she slept over. She sneaks weed to Mississippi in her bra. The key, she says, is not to wear one with an underwire. Crazy hooker. It's not like I can just fire up a joint in the hotel room I'm sharing with my mother.

"Let's start talking about weed in the present tense, ladies," Jasper says.

"Now, that's a plan," I agree, pulling the Camel box from my purse. "I need to get rid of this before tomorrow, anyway."

We're nice and stoned by the time we hit the city limit.

"Can we try that Pam's place you love so much?" Alice asks from the front seat.

"Not there, Al. Anywhere but there." Not today of all days.

Jasper picks The Taco Shack. There are several "smoking" tables open on the patio. The nachos aren't bad, and there aren't any PAH kids here, so it's a win. Peter's band is playing at The Hole tonight, so we hang out, killing time until the show. Neither of them can believe what Maria did to Jake this morning.

The Safeway parking lot is packed by the time we arrive. Jasper bypasses it to park in the empty lot of a law firm just past the bar. We walk over to Safeway to hook up with Leah and Carmen.

I'm not sure agreeing to this was a good idea. I haven't been to a show since the night I met Edward. It takes an effort to tramp down the déjà vu and panic. I've done really well these last couple of weeks. Really well. And maybe coming here on his birthday was pushing it. Some things require baby steps.

The Forks posse is large tonight, and we get lost in it, talking to Mike and Garrett and finding everyone except Carmen and Leah.

I hear it before I see it. Alice and Jasper step closer to flank me. Sure enough, when I turn, the huge red jeep comes to a stop at the edge of the crowd. He doesn't cut the engine. Not Emmett. He turns the radio even louder and it's like moths to a flame. Every guy starts shuffling toward the jeep, dazed and hypnotized, head bobbing to "Body Count."

I start breathing again when I notice Alec in the passenger seat.

The boys "ooh" and "aah" over Emmett's ride, and Jasper leaves us to help Peter with equipment. Carmen and Leah finally show up around the same time sound check starts.

As we're waiting in line, I tell them about Hannah. Leah is silent, but I know she's thinking about all the times Jake called her a mutt. She may not want to admit it, but even she knows the sacrifice he's making. We're all silent for a few moments until Emmett approaches us. Carmen turns her back to him immediately.

He huffs. "What's her damage?" He thumbs her over his shoulder.

"Nothing," I tell him, trying to squish the tension. She's still holding her grudge, swearing Em and Edward could have done more than they did to stop the talk around school. She has no idea what she's talking about. She didn't see what happened with Rosalie. Hearing about it isn't the same as watching it.

I try not to be conspicuous as I glance around, but Em knows what I'm doing.

"He's not coming," he says quietly. "He's in Seattle."

Right. He had plans too.

The line finally starts to move, and we leave Emmett and Alec standing on the sidewalk. "Tell him I said Happy Birthday," I tell him before I slip through the entrance.

"Catch up with me before you leave," he calls. "We need to talk."

_Shit. _

Not if I can help it.

Jane and Lonnie are seated in the very back of the club at a corner table. She nods and smiles a little, raising her brow. Alice purchases her summer stash quickly and discreetly. She and Jane fake a convincing whispery flirt session to distract anyone watching as the ganja changes hands under the table. Jasper and Peter have taken care of business already.

I swear Peter's band just gets better and better. Ironically, Jasper is the only one in our group wearing white and he's glowing in the black light. Alice leans against him, and they sway together as the music plays.

At the end of their set, they decide to try something new. A Nirvana cover. Peter's voice is normally smooth, but he growls out lyrics like he should be in Seattle instead of wasting away in Forks. And every girl in the place is fighting drool. Well, except Alice. She's immune.

When the lights come on and the band starts to tear down, I escape to the bathroom after promising to meet Alice out back when I'm done. It's the most disgusting toilet I've ever seen in my life, and I use a half of a roll of toilet paper covering the seat before I can even pee.

Jane enters as I'm washing my hands, locking the door behind her.

"Hang out with me for sec?" she asks, digging through her purse.

A few minutes won't hurt, so I watch as she pulls out a mirror, laying it on the counter next to the sink. She pours a little mountain of coke and cuts it neatly into three straight lines. "Junkhead" is playing through the club speakers as filler music, and the only thing going through my mind is how nice it would be to be anyone but myself for a while. Just a little escape.

She does the first line and then passes the straw to me. I lean over before I can over think it. Letting it take away thoughts of teenage dads and birthdays and firsts. She finishes it off and packs her supplies back into her bag.

I need air and a cigarette and a drink.

I bump into a chick with short, spiky green hair on my out of the bathroom. "Are you Jane?" she asks as I leave them to their business. Alice is waiting for me next to Peter's truck with a Clearly Canadian in a brown paper sack.

"I love you," I tell her.

"Oh, Jesus. You're fucked up," she says, studying my face.

"Just a little," I agree.

We stand around, watching the guys, and when they're done, Jasper and Alice leave to walk over to Safeway so he can grab a snack. I'm pretty sure he and Peter burned one in the truck before I came out here. I can smell it in the cab when I climb inside to wait for them.

Peter climbs in and we stare at each other awkwardly for a minute. He turns the key in the ignition so we can listen to music. One minute he's singing a Blind Melon song and the next he's kissing me. And it isn't the horrible way Ben kissed me on my porch, but I wanted cinnamon. Peter tastes like Wintergreen. Cool, crisp mint. And he uses too much tongue. Sickly sweet. When all I want is Fall and the cozy burn of cinnamon.

And God does it ever burn.

I push him away. "I'm sorry." I say it like a coward with my eyes on my knees. I open the door and step out of his truck. My tattered dignity is the only thing keeping me from running.

Emmett is standing at the corner of the building, waiting. "What was that?"

"Fuck off, Emmett."

"Bella, you can't just get into cars with strangers."

"NOW you want to be concerned? That's rich. Well, let me clue you in on something, Emmett McCarty," I say, pausing for a moment to push my finger in his chest. "You are not my father. And he isn't a stranger. He is Jasper's cousin. Tell me, Emmett, what harm could come from my friend's cousin?"

Fuck you, Emmett. Fuck you and your stupid cousin.

He looks like I slapped him. "I'm sorry," he says.

"Not as sorry as I am," I hiss. "Turns out you were warning the wrong person, huh?" I don't really blame Emmett. Not really. But I can't stop saying evil shit. I'm not angry with him, but I'm angry at the world. None of this makes any sense. "I'm sorry. Can you please just help me find Alice?"

We walk across the street together and Alice and Jasper meet us in the corner of the Safeway lot. The chick with the green hair has followed Jane and Lonnie to his car and they're chatting, not even trying to hide what they're doing. What happens next unfolds like some kind of live action, nightmare version of an _ABC Afterschool Special. _The punk girl reaches into her purse for money and her hand is clutching a gun when she pulls it out of the bag.

The chirp of a police siren fills the air surrounding the lot as three squad cars pull up surrounding the trio.

"Jesusfuck," Jasper whispers.

"Where are Carmen and Leah?" Alice asks, frantically scanning the parking lot. We don't see them, which in this case, is a good thing.

Cops are out and behind their doors, and we're all backing away slowly toward The Hole but none of us can look away. Jane looks petrified. She's frozen, standing next to Lonnie's car and Lonnie is behind the wheel refusing to get out.

None of us have a clear view, so we're all stunned when a gunshot rings out moments later. The officers are swarming the car and Jane is shuffled back as they try to get to Lonnie. I see her fumbling in her bag, and I'm scared to death she's going to pull out a gun too. But instead she quickly upends a baggie into her mouth.

"No," I whisper, starting forward. Jesus, they need to call an ambulance.

"Bella, stop," Emmett demands, catching me with his forearm.

Jane is tackled to the ground by the punk girl who is obviously undercover.

_Fuckkkk._

She looked me straight in the eye when we passed in the hall. What if she knows Charlie? What if she knows who I am? Watching her cuff Jane unnerves me. Then she reaches down to check her pulse so she must have seen Jane down whatever she swallowed.

"Emmett, I need to tell them she blew two lines in the bathroom. It might fuck her up with whatever she just ate." I don't care how much trouble I get in. I have to tell them.

"What's in your purse?" Emmett asks, not letting me pass.

A joint and a half. But it doesn't matter.

"What's in Alice's purse?" he continues.

I stop. An ounce. Enough to get her in serious trouble. And Jasper has at least a quarter in his pocket.

"I'll tell them, Bella," he continues. "I'm clean tonight." He pats his chest with open palms. "I'm here with her brother anyway, it makes sense that I would know. Besides, I owe you one." He backs away slowly toward the melee. "Get them out of here, Jasper. I'll send Leah and Carmen to Bella's house when I see them." He turns but then pauses to catch my gaze. "You tell Jake if he ever lays another finger on you, I'll kill him."

He's gone before I can put together what he's talking about.

Jasper mutters variations of "That is so fucked up" and "What the fuck just happened?" all the way back to Renee's house. He probably shouldn't be driving. Every one of us is still trembling. Lonnie must have had a gun in the car. And Jane? What the fuck was she thinking? No guy is worth that.

God, I hope she'll be alright.

We wait anxiously on my mother's front porch until Leah and Carmen drive up a half hour later. They came out of Safeway in time to see the ambulances show up. Carmen confirms that she saw Emmett talking to one of the cops before Alec showed up and freaked the fuck out. They said Jane was being treated in one of the ambulances when the doors closed, so maybe she'll be okay.

We sit around watching movies until Renee comes in at eleven, and then the others leave for Forks. After Renee goes to bed, I call the hospital to try to find out about Jane. The lady on phone says they can't release any information because Jane is a minor. I want to call Emmett, but it's after midnight, and he might not even be home. He probably went to the hospital with Alec.

It's time for me to get my act together. No more stupid shit. None of this is worth getting suspended over or arrested. It certainly isn't worth suicide. I'm not the first girl with a broken heart. Other people get over it all the time. If I keep making stupid choices, I'm going to end up in deep shit.

I officially add blow to my list of untouchables. I don't like the person I was tonight, and it's time for me to buck up.

After staying up all night, I sleep in the car on the drive to Seattle. Renee is quiet on the plane, and I want to tell her about what happened with Jane because she might know who to call, but I don't want to start our time away together with the fight I know it would cause. I've been skating on thin ice with her since the ISS incident.

It's late when we finally get checked into our room at the Radisson on Lexington. It's nice enough, and the city is amazing. I've never seen anything like it. There are people everywhere. In the middle of the night. It might be my favorite thing about New York. The absolute anonymity of the place is refreshing. No one on the street knows who I am or gives a shit. I think I'd like living in a big city.

We do all the touristy stuff. I'm disappointed with the Statue of Liberty in person. The movies make it look huge, and it just isn't what I expected it to be. She takes me to the toy store from that movie _Big, _and it's amazing. We shop, and she buys me dresses and shoes. She buys so much crap that we have to buy another suitcase to take it all with us.

She scheduled us for one of the NYU campus tours, so we spend one afternoon scoping out the school and picking up admissions packets and scholarship information.

We catch two Broadway shows, and I buy a postcard in the gift shop of the Empire State Building. I write "Happy Birthday" on it, address it, and drop it into a blue mailbox before I can change my mind. I'll keep every promise I can.

Our last night in New York, she treats me to a fancy dinner. She politely asks about dad, and I fill her in on the last time I saw him.

"All of your old baby clothes are stored away in the attic at your father's house, Bella. You regurgitated a lot as an infant, so some of it may be stained. You can give it all to Jake unless you want to keep it. There are some Star Wars toddler shirts you might want to keep for your own children."

Yeah, I don't see that happening. I would fuck up a kid so badly. It would curse and flip people off and be a tiny menace to society. Not to mention the thought of what it would do to my vag on the way out. I shudder.

"I'll give it all to Jake. Seeing him holding a kid was effective birth control. I don't see myself procreating anytime soon anyway."

She grins and shakes her head. "This would probably be a good time to tell you that Phil is meeting us in DC on Wednesday."

I swallow the mouth full of food I've been chewing and reach for my water, cooling off in my head so I don't explode. So that's what this all-important second week is all about. Phil.

"Oh really?" I manage.

"He's been awarded a grant to help fund a shelter for abused women in Port Angeles."

Well, damn. How bad can the guy be if he spends his spare time and money to help women in bad situations? It's going to make it really hard to dislike him.

She explains that Phil was raised by Mrs. Leonard after his father went to jail for killing his mother. When he became a celebrity, his publicist told him to bury his past, but Phil did the opposite. He made appearances at fundraisers, spoke out publicly against domestic violence, and donated generously to charities that provide assistance for women in abusive relationships.

Jesus. Famous- check. Rich- check. Generous- check. The guy sounds like a regular knight in shining armor.

I'm not sure what to do with the information overload, so I file it away, deciding to see what my first impression of him is. She asks me to be on my best behavior, and I nod silently.

"Speaking of behavior, we need to talk about next year. I know having me as a teacher won't be easy." My spine straightens. I've been waiting for her to bring this up. For the last month, I've debated on what to do, but my last night in PA finally tipped the scale for me. "I've asked Mr. Wells to grade your tests and papers. It will make us both more comfortable-"

"I want to go home, Mom."

She stares at me, eyes wide, mouth gaping. "We still have the week in DC, Bella."

"No, Mom. I want to go _home. _To Forks. When we get back, I want to move in with Charlie."

She reaches for her wine glass, and I can see her hand is trembling. She downs the wine in one long, graceful pull. She motions to someone behind my back and her glass is refilled immediately.

When she finally looks up from staring at her plate, her eyes are determined. "Okay."

_Okay? Really?_

I was prepared to threaten her with court if necessary, but she just said "okay" like I asked to go to the movies with Alice or something. She picks up her fork and resumes eating. She makes letting me go look like the easiest decision she's ever made. Twice.

Our days in DC are much different than the fun week we spent in New York. Our hotel is directly across from the White House. We hit the hot spots first, and I take pictures of everything for Charlie. It's easy to avoid each other at the Smithsonian. In fact, she gives me a little freedom each afternoon to wander around on my own. I have to meet up with her every couple of hours to check in, but it's nice to have time to explore.

On Wednesday morning, she asks me if I would mind if she moves her things into Phil's room for the rest of our stay. He's had the suite next to ours blocked off and paid for this entire week, just so he could guarantee it would be his this evening. It isn't like she's ditching me for the Penthouse Suite, so I tell her to go for it.

She mumbles her appreciation and then asks me outright if I will come to dinner with her and Phil. He wants to meet me. He's wanted to meet me for a while.

I can't avoid him forever. Not with her being all starry-eyed and gooey over him. It doesn't hurt that she's been much more tolerable since she started boning him. I can at least try to be cool about this.

She smiles when I agree. I even dress up a little. Renee picked out a cute black dress for me in New York. Now, I know why. As payback, I wear my red high-tops with it. She grimaces, but doesn't complain.

I feel stupid wearing Chucks when a limo pulls up in front of The Hay-Adams. I feel really stupid when the chauffeur opens the door for us and Renee climbs in gracefully. I follow awkwardly with a small crowd of people looking at my ass and my dumb red shoes.

The limo stops in front of a small, but elegant, restaurant, and the most handsome man I've ever seen opens the car door. I mean, he makes Carlisle Cullen look ordinary. He's in the kind of black suit I can tell was special tailored to make him look like a fucking Greek god. The blond, shoulder-length, layered hair isn't hurting. I need to get a fucking picture of this valet so The Pack will believe he's real when I tell them all about this the second I see them.

He holds his hand out to my mother and helps her from the car. She smiles at him, and much to my surprise, leans up on her toes to kiss his cheek.

Holy. Shit.

Phil Dwyer is sex on legs. This is so fucked up. Knowing that I eye-fucked my mother's boyfriend makes me hurl a little in my mouth. Gross.

"Bella, are you okay?" Renee leans into the car looking concerned.

I manage to close my mouth and stop gaping like a moron. "Fine. I'm fine." We're at a five-star restaurant with the hottest man on the planet who happens to be a celebrity, and I'm wearing an uncomfortable dress and red Converse. Everything is perfect. I'm seriously wishing I had a dime bag right now.

People are going to stare. Renee looks amazing in a short, blue lacey dress. Phil, well, he looks like he just stepped off a billboard. And I look like an idiot.

Oh well. I asked for it. I climb out of the limo and stand silently next to Renee. When she finally turns to me, I see the same dumb look she's been giving me since she started seeing him. Instead of being annoyed, I kind of feel like high-fiving her.

She introduces us, and he smiles at me before leaning in and whispering, "Nice shoes."

Embarrassed, I glance down at my shoes. When he steps back I have a clear view of his feet. He's wearing Adidas. Black ones with small white stripes on each side. I own a pair exactly like them.

It's hard not to smile.

We're greeted the moment we enter the restaurant, and people do stare as we're escorted to a secluded corner table.

I order salmon as silent proof that I'm Team Charlie. It's strange watching my mother with Phil. She seems…happy, and he adores her. I can tell.

"Are you enjoying your summer break, Bella?" he asks after the waiter leaves with our order.

"I guess," I shrug.

Renee gives me a dirty look, and I pretend to be silently affronted. She would've been more pissed if I'd told him that my summer has been pretty shitty between missing my ex-boyfriend and watching a guy blow his brains out in a grocery parking lot.

"You have a unique opportunity at Forks. Mr. Berty teaches a Pre-Advanced Placement English class for juniors who plan to take AP English their senior year. He also teaches the senior AP English class. The experience is similar to an intensive two year workshop."

"I'll think about it."

She's getting annoyed; I can tell. But if I'm going to start over, I'm going to do it on my terms.

"You also need to think about creative arts electives. You need at least one to graduate."

"I'll figure it out, Mom," I tell her firmly before turning to Phil. "So, you played baseball?"

"I still play baseball; I just don't get paid to do it anymore. I do it now for fun because I love it. I'm excited about coaching."

I let the subject drop when the food arrives.

Phil drives us back to the hotel in his rented Mercedes. As they make their way to the bar, I linger outside for a smoke. The White House is visible across Lafayette Square, and it's a hell of a view. I'm glad I came.

"Can I join you?" Phil asks as he walks up to me.

"Sure, it's a free country."

He huffs. "Those things will kill you, you know." He grins and lights a cigar.

"I hear it takes a while. How old are you, anyway?" Renee said there was an age difference.

"Ouch. Thirty-two."

A couple of years isn't so bad, but I know my mother, and I bet she wishes those years were reversed. Or maybe it makes her feel good to have snagged a younger hottie.

"It isn't easy for her, you know." He gives me a calculating look. "Letting you go back to your dad. She just wants what is best for you."

"It doesn't hurt that you get her all to yourself now, does it?"

"I guess that part doesn't bother me," he concedes. "But I love your mother, and I don't like to see her upset."

Dammit. I like this guy. I don't want to, but at least he doesn't try to bullshit me.

"What's with the shoes, dude?"

"I'll never tell." A small smile plays at the corner of his mouth.

When I stub the Camel, he stubs his cigar, and we make our way inside. Renee is sitting in the lobby waiting, and Phil says a quick goodbye so he can join her.

I'm still Team Charlie, but I can't be a bitch to Phil. He's just too nice.

The repeated banging of the headboard against the wall we're sharing changes my mind about an hour later. I turn MTV up as loud as possible and bang on the wall with my fist. As much as I wish I could, I can't un-hear the first part of their overzealous reunion.

I smile a little and think of Emmett and how easily he got grossed out about the thought of me having sex. I'm going to miss him.

When we get back to Port Angeles, I spend a few days doing laundry and making decisions on what will stay here and what will come with me to Forks. I promise my mother I'll come every other weekend to visit, and it makes her smile.

She helps me pack and dutifully drives me to Charlie's house when I'm finally ready to go. He is working when we get to Forks, so she helps me carry my stuff in. "God, this place looks exactly the same," she mumbles on the stairs. I smile proudly, thinking about how different my room is from the last time she saw it. I was ten, and it was the day she left. She had a suitcase in her hand that day too.

She compliments the changes. Except the posters. She looks at me like I'm crazy when I throw myself down on my bed. "I'm going to wash your sheets when I get home, Bella." I roll over to face her. "This has gone on long enough. No more sleeping on my couch."

I nod, and she leaves, promising to lock the door downstairs on her way out. Leaving that life behind took a lot out of me, so I set the alarm and take a two hour nap. When I come downstairs, Charlie is in his chair watching baseball while munching on pizza and drinking beer.

"How was The Big Apple?" he asks, grinning from ear to ear.

"It was cool. I brought you some stuff back."

"Good. Are you hungry? I picked up a couple of pizzas and a six pack of Sprites."

I throw a few pieces on a paper plate and join him in the living room.

"Hey, Dad?" I wait for him to look at me. "I want to move in here. Mom said it was okay. We brought all my stuff. Probably should have asked first-"

"Bella," he interrupts, "I told you once that you don't ever need a reason to come home. I meant it. I'll need to talk to your mother and a lawyer, and we need to get you registered for school."

The details are worked out quickly. I even make a trip to the DMV to have my address officially changed on my driver's license. With each little step, I feel a bit more like myself. My old self.

I'm brave enough to call Alec one afternoon, mid-July. Jane is in rehab, and their parents have enrolled them in a religious private school for the upcoming school year. I ask about Lonnie and what happened that night.

Lonnie was trippin on acid, and he knew if they took him in and ran his prints, they would find out he was wanted in Olympia for aggravated assault and aggravated rape of a minor. He knew he would end up in prison. He blew his brains out instead.

Jesus.

When I hang up with Alec, I sit and think about all the times Edward warned me not to go around Lonnie alone.

Since I have nothing better to do, I start volunteering at the garage. I sit in the office and answer occasional phone calls. The first time I showed up, Quil told me he couldn't afford to pay me anything. He lets me come back day after day, and it keeps me busy.

Jake looks dead on his feet most of the time. Hannah has colic, and she's up half the night every night. He's working on finding a babysitter. Rachel has been keeping her during the day while Jake works, but school starts for her next month.

I ask him what his plans are for school, and he says he's signed up for one night class and a Saturday class at Peninsula. They have a mechanics certification program.

Over peanut butter and jelly, I tell him about the baby clothes Renee told me about. He and Rachel come over the following Saturday afternoon. She entertains the baby while he and I bring down various boxes.

I do end up keeping some of the clothes. They're too cool to let go. I don't think bell bottoms will ever come back into style anyway. Hannah is kinda cute and I wouldn't want her to get checked on the playground for wearing dorky pants. I keep all the Star Wars shirts, but I let them take a Peanuts purse shaped like Snoopy's doghouse. Snoopy doesn't have an expiration date.

When Alice finally comes home in August, I tell the girls I'm staying in Forks. We celebrate on our backs in the yard staring at the sky and passing a joint. At first I thought that coming home meant _they _won. They'll think I let them run me away. But they don't know how badly I wish I'd never left this place. It's nice to be home.

Emmett calls once a week in August, usually on Fridays, and leaves messages for me. He wants to know which classes I'm registered for. Honors Chemistry, World History, Trig, Pre-AP English, PE/Health, and Yearbook. Only I'm registered at Forks, and I don't know how to tell him. So I don't call him back.

-o-

**A/N-I grew up in a city with a population of over 1 million people and I ran into my exes all the time. I live in a small town now, and I can't pump gas at Kroger in my pj bottoms without one of my neighbors seeing me. My point? They will still see each other. My Edward isn't a century old vamp who can just disappear. He'll be around. Sometimes that will be a good thing. Sometimes it won't.**

**Yes, pre-9/11, it was possible to transport pot on a plane in your bra as long as you didn't set off the metal detectors and receive a "pat down." PLEASE don't ask me how I know.  
><strong>

**Want some fluff? I kinda sorta wrote an entry (o/s) for the Pop the Question contest, and it's posted to my profile. It's called "The House That Love Built," and it might make you cry the GOOD kind of tears. **

**Ever been arrested?**


	19. Chapter 19

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own those tickets to see Eddie Vedder in May, but he changed all his tour dates, and now he isn't coming until November. I threw what we Southerners like to call a "hissy fit." **

**You guys slay me with your love for Emmett. I mean that in the best possible way. **

**M looked over this for me. Any mistakes left belong to me. **

**The song for this chapter made its way onto a mixed tape my bestie made for me in 92. She snuck it in between Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Clash. Wiki labels it as "cowpunk." I call it beautiful. **

**Warnings- Nothing we haven't seen already.**

Chapter 19

_I've been keeping busy since we've said goodbye_

_But all I do is think about you_

_The days are quick, the nights are long_

_I feel them tick, I watch them crawl_

_I'm petrified of running out of things to do_

_Though I've never really been in love_

_I know now what it means to miss someone_

_(To Miss Someone- Maria McKee)_

_-o-_

Charlie looks baffled when I come downstairs at six in the morning on the first day of school. He doesn't say anything as I pour a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal. As I take the seat across from his, he folds the newspaper and tosses it onto the table between us. Phil's smiling face stares up at me from the sports' section. "So PA has a new coach," he chuckles. "Those boys are going to have an amazing year."

There's a sudden realization that I never even told Edward about Phil being his new coach. Things were already so fucked up by the time I find out. We weren't really talking much.

I wonder if he and Emmett are excited.

"Phil Dwyer was an amazing player." Charlie's grinning, and I realize there's someone else I forgot to mention it to.

"He's Mom's boyfriend," I blurt, causing my dad's jaw to drop. I don't know how to describe the look on his face. And knowing I put it there makes me want to punch my mother. Goddamn her for always putting me in the middle. She could have mentioned it to him when they met with Leah's uncle Jason to sign the new custody agreement. But no. She left me to do her dirty work. "I'm sorry, Dad." It's a whisper because I can't manage much more.

He huffs. "Your mother hates baseball."

Yeah, well, she likes homeruns. It takes everything in me not to grimace. "He seems nice."

Charlie stands, taking one last sip of coffee. "Have a great day at school, kid. I'm working swing today, and I'll be home late." He leaves me sitting in the kitchen and a few moments later, I can hear him moving around upstairs in his room.

Jasper and Alice are giving me a lift to school since it's my first day. I smoke two Camels while waiting for them on my porch. Besides feeling absolutely shitty about re-breaking my father's heart, I'm nervous as all hell about starting school at Forks in less than an hour. And I'm desperately trying not to think about the moment the few friends I have left at PAH find out I'm not coming back.

I've maintained radio silence with them since mid-summer. I needed the time to regroup. Figure shit out. Make a game plan. Those are all really nice ways of saying I'm a shitty person and an even shittier friend. Angela might get pissed. The few times I did talk to her this summer, she talked quite a bit about Edward. Esme's business had picked up, so Angela had been spending a lot of time with the Cullens. She mentioned seeing him at Pam's once with Heidi, and I had to let her go. I haven't spoken to her since.

And Emmett. He called twice last night, and the last message he left was a little nasty.

"_I'm not your boyfriend, so you can't just tell me to fuck off and go away. I'm your friend, Bella. Call me."_

I didn't call him back. I can't. I miss him. The same way I miss Esme and Carlisle. But they can't be Edward's family and mine. They're his. Even Emmett. Just thinking about them hurts, so I don't.

I wonder if Edward will even notice I'm gone. He's still tucked away in the back of every thought I have, and sometimes I wonder if he thinks about me. If he misses me.

If he dreams.

For someone who once loved sleep as much as life itself, I barely clock six hours a night these days. And every day feels even longer than the one before it. I'm hoping school will help. It will kill some time, and I know from my summer reading list that Berty's class comes with a shit ton of reading. Leah is signed up for it too, and knowing we'll have at least that class and Yearbook together helps calm my nerves some.

Jasper blasts Megadeth on the drive to Forks High. On the surface, the parking lot isn't much different than the one at PAH. There are groups of kids milling about, talking, and listening to music. Trails of smoke leak out of cracked car windows as the smokers try to huff a few last drags before the school day begins.

But here, people wave or call out to each other. I'm greeted enthusiastically by kids I haven't seen since middle school. Girls with long, blonde hair, who wear cheerleading uniforms and Treetorns, hug my neck with real, huge smiles and tell me how happy they are to see me. It's an alternate universe compared to the one I've been delivered from. These girls are beautiful and perfect like Rosalie and Irina, but they have hearts.

Leah and I have English and Chem back to back with each other, first and second. Built in lab partner. Awesome. It will save me a mini-panic attack. Alice and Carmen are with me for World History. Then it's Leah again for Trig. We've all scored the same lunch period, which is also awesome. Then Alice and I have PE. The last class of the day is Yearbook. It's the only creative arts class I can possibly do well in. Leah had the same idea, so we're in that one together too.

They're all in the same homeroom. The only person I really know in my homeroom is Eric Yorkie. He's a cool guy. Relaxed and stoned most of the time, including this morning. His eyes and lazy grin give him away. His style is a lot like Tyler's. Hippy prep with baggy khaki cargo shorts and a band tee. They're a lot like Edward and Emmett.

Eric tells me how to get to all my classes after we compare schedules. We have History and PE together. I apologize to him in advance for my athletic shortcomings.

Leah saves me a spot in Chemistry, and I can tell it's going to be a fun class because Mike and Tyler are at the lab table behind us. They spend the entire hour entertaining the class by acting like twelve year olds. Leah and I have to pick paper wads out of each other's hair before Mr. Berty starts English class.

I'd forgotten how hot he is. He's in baggy slacks and a green polo button up with the sleeves rolled, and I catch fleeting glimpses of ink at his left elbow when he moves his arms. This class is a broken-hearted geek's dream come true. Hot teacher. Reading lists as long as my forearm. Four major papers. Tests that are comprised mostly of essay questions. I'm going to be busy.

Alice and Carmen have saved a seat for me in the back of the class in History. Eric sits across from us. Garrett and Carmen are on outs right now, so he takes a seat across the room from us. She rolls her eyes and smirks.

Mike and Tyler are in Trig with me and Leah, which means they also have the same lunch period.

Almost everyone eats outside at Forks when it's dry. There are picnic tables with benches, but Carmen keeps a blanket in her locker because my girls like to do it picnic style. We pick a spot close to the woods so we can sneak behind the trees to catch a midday smoke after we eat.

"Oh, that reminds me," Alice says, digging in her bag. "Lisa told me about this stuff at a flea market this summer. I got some for each of us." She pulls out a small white bag, opens it, and hands each of us a small amber bottle. "It's patchouli oil. Put one little dab on the back of your neck at the hairline and it will completely overpower the smell of smoke."

"Why would your stepmom tell you that?" Carmen asks, dabbing some on her neck and then mine.

"I don't know. She was cool this summer. It was kind of weird."

Hearing Alice say anything nice about her stepmother is kind of weird. She has always hated that woman. Now she's shopping with her? Nice, wicked stepmothers and fuckhot, ex-professional athlete boyfriends. Life gets weirder instead of easier. People have been lying about that shit for years.

We spend most of the hour in PE filling out orders for uniforms and going over the syllabus. Banks ended up giving me a C as my final grade in his class last year. It averaged up to a B with the A that I made in Mrs. White's class, but still. I'd like to do a little better this year if possible.

Mike is the editor of this year's yearbook, so he conducts most of the last class of the day. In a totally undeserved leap of faith, he puts me and Leah in charge of the junior section. We have a half hour to kill when he finishes talking, and he comes over to sit with us.

"Don't panic over your section. I'm here to help you this year. Maybe one of you can be the editor next year. It will look great on college applications."

"Like drama club and football?" I tease. The boy has his toe in a little bit of everything.

"I'm not playing football this year," he says casually. "Anyway,-"

"What do you mean you're not playing?" Leah interrupts.

"I mean, I quit the team." He stares back at her with narrowed eyes and an air of defensiveness I don't understand.

She lets it drop, and he goes on to ask about our interests. I'm not sure how he does it, but by the end of our conversation, he's convinced me to accept a photographer position. He's the only other person on staff with any experience, so he'll have to train someone anyway and he prefers it to be someone who can carry on the knowledge next year when he's gone. At first, I'm irritated because it's a huge commitment. But then I realize it's actually just another way to occupy the time. So I agree.

"On one condition," I tell him firmly. He raises his brows expectantly. "No baseball. I'll cover anything but baseball."

He gives me a small, sympathetic smile. "Deal. Maybe you could cover cheerleading for me?"

"Sure." We're paddling in the same boat, Mike and I. Down a river of regret.

He leaves us to make a brief announcement and pass out ad forms. Lovely. We're each required to sell ad space in the back of the book. I'm being turned into a peddler. I hate selling shit. It's why I dropped out of Girl Scouts.

"Dude, really?" I wave the small stack in Mike's face after the bell rings.

"It cuts down on the cost of the books for the students, Bella, and it helps cover our expenses." He grins. "Have your dad buy a "Just Say No" ad on behalf of the police department."

Of course he's grinning. His parents own a huge business. They probably buy a double page spread from him. Speaking of Newton's…

"Is your mom hiring?" I ask him. A job would be good. Another time killer. Cash flow. Maybe an employee discount.

"Actually, yeah. A couple of people quit to leave for college. Are you interested?"

"I am. I'll get my truck after school and drive over today to fill out an application."

He laughs. "Are you kidding? My mom will hire you on the spot. Why don't I take you over and we can talk to her? I'm off this afternoon, so I can take you home later."

"Is this okay?" I gesture at my clothes. A tie-dye hippy skirt, white "I love New York" tee, and the Jesus shoes.

"To fill out an application, sure. But when you come to work, you'll have to wear the uniform."

Ugh. Khakis and Newton's polos.

Paycheck. Time away from home.

We find Alice and Jasper in the parking lot and spend a few minutes chatting with them about our plans. Jessica and Lauren walk by and say hey, but they don't stop, and I don't miss the way Mike's shoulders slump as they drive away in Lauren's Miata.

As soon as we're alone in the Suburban, I pounce. "So what happened with you and Jess, anyway?" I ask casually.

"That's between me and Jess."

Okay. "Sorry. It's just…I can see that you miss her, and I know she misses you. You guys could work it out. Whatever it is, you could fix-"

"You have no idea what you're talking about," he snaps. "Some things can't be fixed."

"But why wouldn't you want to try?" There are tears in my eyes and my voice. This question has burned through me all summer. Directing it at Mike won't give me the answers I want, but maybe if I can start to figure out how boys tick, I can piece together my own puzzle.

He sighs, eyes on the road, hands steady on the wheel. "Because I'll never be what she needs. Or what she deserves. I have loved her my whole life it seems, but I can't be her future." He pauses, and during the few moments of silence I try to figure out what he's saying. "She wasn't going to apply to a single Ivy League school, Bella." He glances at me. "She was going to go to UW. To be with me."

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow." He chuckles darkly. "I had to end it. She wanted to get married and have kids someday, and I knew I'd never be able to give her those things. Holding onto her was second nature to me. But I knew then I had to let her go. I couldn't let her give up an amazing future for some fairy tale we cooked up when we were thirteen. Not when I knew I wouldn't be able to give her the ending she deserves."

"Jesus. That's the lamest fucking thing I've ever heard. Shouldn't she have had some say in the way her story ends?" I'm probably the only person who could get fired from a new job before officially getting hired.

"Believe me," he says. "There's more to it. She agrees."

Well, if the two of them are happy pretending to be nonexistent to each other, who am I to play love counselor? My own love life is in the toilet, and I don't know dick about relationships. Other than Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Jasper are the most normal couple I know.

That's a scary fucking thought.

"Hey, pull in here," I tell him, gesturing to Louise's shop. I'm gonna nail Carmen's granny before Leah has a chance to. She lets me call her "granny" since my own grandparents are gone. I use it today, and she buys a full page ad for the yearbook.

"Bam," I shout, tossing the order form at Mike when I rejoin him in the Suburban.

He glances at it and huffs. "Last year, she bought the smallest ad possible from me. How did you manage that?"

"I'm irresistible." I regret the words the moment they leave my mouth. They could easily be misconstrued as flirtatious. And that's NOT how I meant them. "I'm not really. Irresistible, I mean. It was a dumb thing to say-"

"Jesus, Bella. Don't give yourself a stroke." He grins as he starts the engine. "Trust me. I'm probably the only guy at Forks, besides Jasper, who doesn't want to hop on the Bella train."

"I'm sorry, what?" There is no Bella train.

"I'm just saying they're going to be following behind you, tripping all over each other for a chance at fresh meat." He glances at my scowl and laughs. "Don't be offended. The dating pool is stagnant in Forks. Every guy is drooling over the chance to mend Bella Swan's heart."

"Or get between my legs," I mutter.

"Exactly. Just say no, kid. Just say no." It's the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to me, but it makes me giggle. "Tyler isn't going to let up." That kills the giggles. Tyler asked me out twice today during lunch.

"Neither am I. I told him I don't date, and I mean it."

"He bet Leah fifty bucks that you'll be his homecoming date."

I can't even be mad at her for taking that bet. She's guaranteed to win. But I am going to make her give me a cut as punishment for encouraging him.

Mrs. Newton hires me on the spot the moment I ask her for an application. Mike smiles and gloats a little. There are several new hire forms I have to complete and sign, and it's kind of weird signing a tax form. It's all very grown up. She offers me $4.75 an hour with at least 15 to 20 scheduled hours per week. The store is closed on Sundays. She tries to be fair, so my weekend work days will alternate. On weeks that I work Friday nights, I'll be off on Saturdays and vice versa. When I explain my custody situation she agrees to start my schedule based on my next scheduled visit with Renee.

A strange sense of satisfaction settles over me as I exit the store. I have Charlie. I have my girls. I have a challenging school schedule. I'm a photographer, or I will be. And I'm officially a trainee at Newton's. It's so much better than being on my mom's couch, hiding under an old quilt.

"Do you want to grab a bite at the diner before I take you home?" Mike asks as he starts the truck.

Charlie already said he's working late, and I haven't cooked in months. My options are cereal or a Totino's frozen pizza if I go home. "Sure."

The diner is nearly empty this time of day, so we have our pick of booths. He chooses one in the corner, close to the jukebox. After we place our orders, he feeds a dollar into the machine and lets me pick the music. "None of that mopey Cure shit," he warns.

Since he was nice enough to pay, I make rock choices I know we'll both like. Some classic Aerosmith. A little Grateful Dead. Even some Skynyrd. My finger hovers over the arrow button when Zeppelin and Pink Floyd come up opposite each other. I want to flip to the next page, but I can't.

In some ways, I may be off that couch, but I'm still stuck.

"You take the rest," I tell him, sliding into my seat. "It's only fair."

He stands and makes a few selections of his own. The door chime pings, and as I watch, Mike's head turns. Tyler is standing a few feet away with his parents. Mike gives him a head to toe onceover, and something clicks in my brain.

Holy shit.

Guys don't normally look at other guys the way Mike just up and downed Tyler. It would explain why he can't be with Jessica even though he loves her.

Damn.

It explains a lot about the night they broke up. He must have told her. I can only imagine what she must have said to him. He looked like a walking corpse for months after that.

I bet it was ugly. All those years. Gone. She can never get them back.

Tyler comes over to say hello after the waitress leaves with our order. He sits on the seat next to Mike across from me. He chatters nonstop about football practice and tries several times to convince Mike to rejoin the team. As I listen to Mike refuse, I watch his body language, trying to get a read on whether or not I've lost my fucking mind.

I've never really stopped to think about the physical side of homosexuality until this very moment. Mike and Tyler are both really hot boys. Like extremely hot. As I watch, they talk, and Mike kind of looks like he wants to eat Tyler. And I think there is something wrong with me because I really, really want him to just lean in and kiss him already. It would be so fucking hot.

_I need to call Carmen when I get home to find out if this is normal. _

I don't have any conclusive evidence by the time we leave the diner. The whole thing could be a product of my overactive imagination. Or my stupid lonely vagina. Mike doesn't fit the bill when it comes to any of the stereotypes. But if he does have a crush on Tyler, it would explain why he can't give Jessica a future. Thank goodness he has the sense to realize it. It would also explain why he quit the football team a hell of a lot better than the "I wanted to focus on Yearbook" excuse.

I feel like a horny Nancy Drew. Stupid, pretty, boy kisses.

"You feel like burnin' one?" Mike asks as he leans over to open the glove box. There's a nice doobie in his hand when he closes the compartment moments later.

I don't have homework. Well, maybe a little reading for Berty, but I can do that later. This has been an emotional day. I still have to go home and check my answering machine and listen to Emmett make me feel like total shit. All day long, I've put one foot in front of the other and smiled when I wanted to cry. Now? Now, I want to get stoned dammit.

"Sure. Fire it up."

He smirks and turns up the volume on the stereo before lighting the j. I have to admit that Tom Petty is the perfect soundtrack for high school stonery. It doesn't hurt that I know the lyrics and could sing them in my sleep.

"Fuck," I whisper as Mike pulls to a stop in front of my house.

"Do you want me to stay?" he offers.

"No," I tell him as I watch Edward step out of the Volvo. _Jesus Christ._ He's wearing baggy jeans and a black t-shirt. The work outs have paid off. His arms look even better than before. "I can handle it."

It's probably the biggest fucking lie I've ever told. I cannot handle it. I know it in the pit of my stomach. This isn't going to end well.

I let myself out and thank Mike before closing the door.

"Where were you today?" Edward demands as he meets me in the center of the lawn.

"School." I keep walking, hoping maybe he'll leave.

His Docs thud heavily on the steps behind me, and he comes to a halt next to me as I search in my bag for my keys.

"Funny," he says angrily. "I didn't see you there. Emmett isn't speaking to me. Your mom refused to tell me anything. Angela was-"

"I moved home. I go to Forks now." _Lip gloss, cigarettes, gum, change purse, keys…keys…where are my fucking keys? Don't look at him. Do not look at him. _

"Why?"

"I really didn't want Renee to be my teacher." I've told this lie so many times today, it almost feels like truth.

"Bullshit."

"Not everything is about you, Edward." Only it is. It always has been. Finally, the key is in my hand, and I'm turning it in the lock, wanting nothing more than to get away from him. I'm angry that he's here. In my space. Today was a good day. A new start. And he's fucking it all up.

I leave him on the porch, closing the door behind me. _I don't owe him an explanation._ Toss my bag on the couch. _I don't owe him anything._

I'm seething, pacing the floor, when the door opens, and he walks right into my living room.

"Get out," I tell him. _Who the hell does he think he is?_

"No."

He is advancing slowly, and I see sex in his eyes. He may not love me, but he wants me. And my heart wasn't built to refuse him. My legs hit the sofa though I don't remember taking a single step. He doesn't stop.

His hands brush against my neck before tangling in my hair. There's a tug and then he's kissing me. And this is nothing like the memories I chased over the summer. He kisses me with tongue, like he owns me. Biting, bruising, and his hands.

_Oh God. His hands._

They're everywhere. Pulling my shirt over my head. Tossing my bra across the room.

I'm undressing him, or trying to. He refuses to move away from me. I can feel the backs of his knuckles brushing against my belly. Then his other arm is around me, tugging and turning us before slowly lowering me onto the cushions as he sweeps my skirt over his forearm. I lose sight of his free hand moments before I feel his fingers, pushing away silk, entering me slowly.

I stop breathing.

Slowly, he raises his eyes to mine and there is a pause. A frozen moment of indecision.

_Can I do this?_

_How will I survive it?_

I exhale. Loneliness and longing are too much, and even if I don't go through with it, this is already going to hurt like hell later anyway. May as well do it thoroughly.

Slowly, I raise my head until my lips are brushing the skin at the base of his neck. He groans when I scrape my teeth across his stubble. Then his hand is moving, and he's touching me like he hasn't in so, so long. Finally, I manage to get his pants unzipped.

I want him. I've never wanted anyone the way I want him.

He's fucking me with his fingers, but it isn't enough. He's hard and leaking when I push his jeans and boxers over his hips. When I finally wrap my hand around him, I squeeze just a little. The way I know he likes it. His hips shift, and he kisses me again, moving his fingers faster and faster and deeper, and he doesn't stop until I'm chanting his name over and over. It seems he remembers how to touch me too.

He pulls his hand away and I can see him sliding his wet fingers along his dick for a moment before those same fingers brush against my own. I know what he's asking, and I want it. Want him inside me. So when he thrusts against our tangled hands, I push his away, positioning his cock and pushing against him.

His mouth drops to my nipple, swirling, licking and biting as he bottoms out.

"Fuck, Bella."

His body is different, but the same. There isn't a trace of baby fat left on his cheeks, and his arms aren't huge, but, fuck. They're solid. The summer did wonders for his hair. It's longer, and my fingers are lost in it, clutching him to me.

I've been walking around numb for months, and I just want to feel him. Anything. Everything. Even if it kills me.

There's nothing sweet or gentle about the way he's digging his hips into mine over and over. Or the scrape of his scruff as he drags his face up my chest and across my cheek before he kisses me the way I want to be kissed for the rest of my life. With his teeth and his tongue. Never too much. And never, ever enough.

I get lost in it until he shifts his weight. I try like hell to break the kiss because I've never been able to come and kiss at the same time. But he won't have it. His hand in my hair keeps me anchored to his lips even though the rest of me is flying. Except the tiny part that hates the surrender of moaning into his mouth and shaking beneath him as he moves harder and faster against me until he gets there too and it's his turn to grunt against my lips.

My heart is racing, and the cold, hard reality of what I just did sinks quickly into every bone in my body. Weighing me down and turning this whole thing into an epic fucking mistake.

Nothing has changed.

Pushing away from him, I stand on wobbly legs and hurriedly adjust my underwear. Things are going to get messy if I don't, and I'm trying like hell not to think about that or the sound of his zipper behind me as I keep my back to him and pull my shirt over my head.

When I turn around, he's standing between the couch and the table, watching me warily.

I hate myself for the words I can't stop. "Get out."

He pales then takes a step forward. I move back two steps. He stops and gazes at the ground between us. "I'm sorry. That wasn't supposed to happen." I can feel some little part of me die with his words. The last thing I want is his regret. I am not going out like that.

"Don't worry, Cullen." I pause for a moment, letting his "team" name sink in. "That was a freebie. It's what girls like to call _closure._"

_Oh, Jesus. _

He doesn't move. At all. Just stands in the middle of my living room looking at the floor.

I brush past him and open the front door wide. He turns slowly, staring at me blankly. New rule. Edward Cullen is not allowed in the house. He needs to leave now.

I swing my upturned palm towards the outside. "Time to go. I've got homework. My new teachers are tough, especially Mr. Berty." _Lies, lies, lies._

He walks slowly, eyes on the floor, taking care not to touch me as he passes me, and steps onto the porch without a backwards glance. I reach for the door with a plan to slam it behind me.

He turns slowly, causing me to pause. "I'm sorry."

"For what exactly?" I demand. At least this time, I'm lashing out at the right person. The person I should be angry with.

"I'm sorry you felt like you had to leave."

"It's for the best."

He nods, head turned, as he stares at my neighbor's yard to avoid looking at me. "You should call Emmett."

I should. But that's my business, and I won't have him telling me what to do. "You should go."

He disappears from my porch, and I close the door when I hear the Volvo start. With my back against it, I wait. The tears, I expect. The anger is no surprise. The worst part is the realization that while I've been called a lot of things this past year, for the first time ever, I actually feel like a whore.

-o-

**A/N- She's not. Of course she's not, but the girl just had the first non-relationship sex of her life. Cut her a little slack. Break up sex. It happens. For all the folks who have expressed an interest in EPOV: I'm not opposed to writing one, but I can't do it yet. Don't worry. He's going to be very wordy with Bella in chapter 20. Very wordy. **

**She's still on the pill. I'm not interested in giving Hannah a playmate. **

**Lots of new readers! Welcome. **

**My sister's doctors have decided to induce her sometime next week. Wish her luck! I'm going to try really hard to get the next chapter out as soon as possible, but please be patient with me. The next couple of weeks are going to be hectic. Parts of it were written a long time ago, so hopefully it will come together quickly. **

**Thanks for reading! **


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own lots of pictures of my new little niece. She's adorable. Mommy and baby are both doing well. My sister looked over this for me, but she did it during a 3am feeding, so please forgive us any mistakes. **

_And I know I'll be fine just as soon as I let go  
>Yes I know I'll be alright as soon as I let go<br>Get a strong case of weakness - a rich worthless love  
>Tell you straight out that it's twisted<em>

_(Stwisted- Edie Brickell)_

_-o-_

"_Who's Maggie?"_

Angela's question catches me off guard. "I don't know." Maggie is none of her business. "Why?"

"_She keeps calling in the afternoons and leaving messages for Edward. Esme gets so annoyed, and then she's grumpy while we work. It's kind of a drag."_

This is exactly why I didn't want to call her back. After the third message, I felt so guilty I finally picked up the phone and called her. She wasn't angry, but her feelings were admittedly hurt. Overall, she seems understanding about my decision, which is why I don't understand her need to constantly talk about Edward. It's my fault for getting her the job in the first place. She should be grateful instead of torturing me.

Three weeks have passed without a word from Edward. Thankfully, my period has come and gone. Alice told me not worry. She and Jasper stopped using condoms back in the spring and have been relying solely on the pill. She was more concerned about the other results of having unprotected sex. If it had been anyone in the world but Edward, I would have been rushing to the clinic the next day to get checked out.

I'll admit that Angela's question has me second guessing my decision not to.

"Look, I have to go Angela," I tell her as I double knot the shoestrings of my Timberland boots. "I'm working from five until close, and I don't want to be late. I'll call you soon."

I probably won't, but it placates her temporarily, and I make it to work with time to spare.

Mr. Newton doesn't like me. At all. I'm okay with it because I don't really care for him either. He's mad at Mike for quitting the football team, and he gives him hell about it. Every single day. Mike is one of the most genuinely nice people I've ever met, and it makes my blood boil when his dad starts raking him over the coals. It also makes me thankful for my own parents.

On slow days we play Cribbage or throw bones on the checkout counter. Mrs. Newton doesn't mind as long as we're caught up. It's easy to put games on hold when someone comes in looking for a new rod.

"Are we doing something for your birthday this weekend?" he asks, deliberately avoiding the dirty look I'm giving him by scribbling on the score sheet.

"No. Seventeen isn't a big deal." I shrug. "Sixteen is cool 'cause you get your license, and eighteen will be awesome because I'll finally be able to buy smokes at gas stations instead of hunting down cigarette machines in smelly bowling alleys. But seventeen? There's nothing special about seventeen. Besides, tomorrow night is homecoming, remember?"

We're going to be taking pictures at the game. Action shots, homecoming court, student body. The stuff yearbooks are made of.

"Let's do something Saturday then."

"I don't know, Mike." I'm frustrated, and I can't tell him why. I don't want to celebrate my birthday. I wish we could just skip it.

Charlie foils my plan by offering me a wrapped box during breakfast the following morning.

"Dad, my birthday isn't until Sunday," I grimace.

"Trust me you'd rather have it now."

As I tear into the paper, I grin for him. He has no clue that my birthday is a sore subject. His lip quirks when I finally get into the box.

"Holy crap," I mutter, pulling out a Canon EOS 35mm camera. This is a really nice camera. "I don't…" It's too much. I hope he didn't do this because he feels threatened by Phil and his money.

"You said the school's camera was awful, so I got you a better one. There's a shoulder case in there too."

"Thanks, Dad. It's awesome." The excitement I feel is almost comical considering I'd never even used a 35mm before the first week of school. It took me forever to learn how to load the film.

I'm glad he got the case too. It makes it easier to carry to school. I don't really want to make a trip home after school since the game is an early one. Mike is going to help me by giving me instructions during the game, and then he's going to cover the dance alone.

I don't do dances.

After dismissal, we carpool to Jasper's house since he lives closest to the school. His parents are both at work so we smoke out in the garage and raid his stash of Jello Pudding Pops. The inside of his house is immaculate. It's perfectly decorated and even has a Victorian-style sitting room. There isn't a speck of dust in sight and there's a distinct floral smell throughout.

Until we get to Jasper's room. His room smells like stale cigarette and judging by the ashes on the sill, I'm guessing he smokes in his room with the window open. The walls are painted black and, as expected, there are Metallica posters. A bunch of them. There are also a couple of busty girl posters. That part reminds of Jake's room and makes me wonder if he took them down since he's sharing the space with his daughter now.

We hang out until it's time to go back to the school for the game. I'm supposed to meet Mike behind the coach's bench before kickoff. Alice squirts Visine in each of my eyes and dabs Patchouli on my neck. We all walk to the field together and when I turn to leave them, she slaps me on the ass and wishes me good luck. Hooker.

The green and white jerseys across the field wipe the lingering smile right off of my face. Port Angeles. I never even thought to ask Mike who we were playing. After a couple of deep breaths, I'm calm. Edward didn't go to any football games last year. I can't picture him making a trip to Forks to start now.

During the second quarter, I get the eerie sensation that someone is watching me. Not someone. Him. I can feel it like a weight on my skin. Instead of giving in to the temptation of searching him out, my eyes stay glued to the action on the field. Acting on pure instinct, I raise the camera and begin to shoot.

It hides the panic and gives me something to focus on. A purpose.

Tyler Crowley and Lauren Mallory are announced Homecoming King and Queen during half-time. She is killing the crowd in her short, navy blue and gold cheer uniform, and Tyler is in a matching football jersey and those weird white pants they wear. Baseball uniforms are so much more attractive.

At Mike's instruction, I approach them to get a few pictures of the newly crowned couple. When I'm ten feet away, Tyler steps up to the microphone with a glint in his eye and says, "Does this mean you changed your mind, Bella?"

Laughter rings loudly through the home side of the stadium. I've lost count of how many times Tyler asked me to the dance over the last two weeks. In every class we have together. He even wrote it on the chalkboard in Chem. It's the running joke of the school these days. He has delivered three free pizzas to my house and one at Newton's. The girls love him for it. Me? I'm just annoyed.

But if I let it show, it will make me look like a complete jerk. Everybody loves Tyler. So I make it into a joke. "Give it a rest, your majesty. You've already got a queen."

"It was worth a shot." He grins, and his fans clap and whistle.

I feel like I'm drowning as I show them where to stand. They've both done the royalty thing before, several times over, so they know how to pose. Facing each other with her hands on his chest and his arms around her waist, heads turned, smiles plastered as they're immortalized for all eternity with the click of a button.

Here, they're legends. Next year? They're freshmen.

Mike stays with me and helps arrange the rest of the court for a few group shots. "What's wrong, Bella?" he whispers.

"He's here." They smile. I smile. I lock it in place. Dare my lips to move.

"Who…" he trails off as he makes the connection. "You want to hit the road when we're done here? I can take care of the rest."

"There is no way in hell I'm going to let him and half of PA High watch me search out my friends so I can cut and run. I'd rather stand here with you with this fake ass smile on my face than give them that satisfaction. They're in my town now."

He smiles and we clear the field in time for the band to play a few numbers. The cheerleaders do a few routines, and Mike watches every move Jessica makes. He smiles when she hits her flips, and his brow furrows when a PA player approaches her after their performance.

"I'm starving. Let's hit the concession stand," I tell him, tugging gently on his sleeve.

"Yeah, okay."

He's quiet beside me as I step up to the vendor and order nachos and a Sprite. "You wanna talk about it?" I ask quietly as we wait for my food.

"Not really. It's just…hard. Like I can't turn it off."

"It's like that for me too. I know he's somewhere in that crowd and all I want to do is go and find him. Even though THAT would be a disaster."

"Things ended that badly on the first day?"

"Pretty much," I confirm, nodding slowly.

His appetite kicks in when my nachos are ready, and he orders a hot dog for himself. As we turn the corner to go back to the stands, we nearly run into Ben and Royce. Seeing him in person makes me feel very violent while petrifying me at the same time.

"Hey, Bella. Haven't seen you around." He grins.

Mike notices my discomfort and moves closer until he's almost shielding me. I miss the girl who would've told this asshole to fuck off. I don't like being afraid of anyone, and it pisses me off that he scares me. He's frighteningly deceptive.

"Who was that guy?" Mike asks as we continue walking.

"No one."

"You're shaking like a leaf."

"I am not." As the words leave my mouth, I realize that I am in fact shaking. I hate that bastard. God, I hate him the most out of all of them. He's taken so much from me, including my voice.

"Maybe YOU should talk about it," he offers.

"There isn't anything to talk about," I snap. "Nothing happened."

"Okay. I'm sorry. Things just seemed _tense _with that guy."

Mike is a total stranger and even he could see it. I lost everything to blindness. And pride. And sheer stupidity. That's a hard pill to swallow.

Alice calls out to us and we join them on the highest row of the bleachers on the back corner of the field. "He's here," she warns.

"I know."

"You saw him?" she looks worried.

"No. I just know."

"Wow. You're like a Jedi. Did you know Em is here too?"

No. I didn't know that. The messages I expected from Emmett on the first day of school turned out to be wishful thinking. He hasn't called at all. I don't blame him. I ignored him and ditched him without warning. I yelled at him and blamed him for things that weren't his fault. And yes. A tiny, petty part of me was angry with him for bringing Edward into my life. But I never tried to punish him. I just didn't know how to deal with him.

So I called one day from the payphone in the cafeteria at school. I knew he wouldn't be home. It was a cheap shot on my part and one that I am sorry for. I left a message apologizing for not calling him back over the summer. I threw in the excuse that I was busy with the trip and my move to Forks, and I also mentioned the job at Newton's as added proof that I really have been busy. And then I told him we'd catch up soon.

Talking to his answering machine made me feel weepy, and I knew actually talking to him was going to hurt like a mother. In the end, it didn't matter. He never called back. My guess is he got sick of my shit. And I don't blame him.

When the game ends, we wait a few minutes to let the crowd thin in the parking lot. If possible, I'd like to avoid any more run-ins with old classmates. Even the ones I liked. Especially the ones I liked.

As we walk across the lot, Emmett drives by in the Jeep. He slows after he passes us, and Edward leans out of the passenger side window to say something to a group of other PA kids.

And so goes the fall.

They're at the movie theater, playing video games in the lobby when we show up to see the new Twin Peaks movie. Edward spots me before Emmett does, and with both of them looking at me I do the only thing I can think of. I wave. Like a total fucking dork, I wave. Emmett turns away, but Edward grins a little. And I don't understand why, but it still makes part of me happy to see him smile.

I stay far, far away from Port Angeles on Halloween, choosing to party with my friends at the res instead of being a third wheel to Phil and Renee. As the weeks pass, my tolerance builds and I learn how to drink. Beer, shots, whatever. Pot is great, but sometimes it traps me in my own head when what I really need is to get out of it. Hello alcohol.

Thanksgiving in the Port is unavoidable. Charlie is working a double because Mark's wife just had their third child last week. I try to argue that I'm okay with skipping it completely, but my dad won't hear it. He calls Renee and sends me packing. Temporarily of course.

My mother is delighted. Phil is delighted. Mr. and Mrs. Leonard are delighted. I am mostly uncomfortable and completely underdressed for the fancy dinner Phil's housekeeper cooked. Lamb.

On Thanksgiving.

_What the fuck is wrong with these people? Why do they hate turkey?_

It's good. Delicious, if I'm being honest, but it isn't at all what I was hoping for while watching the parade this morning at Renee's. When she told me we were invited to dinner with Phil's family, I was anticipating a normal Thanksgiving dinner. My food looks like art on a plate. I want butter and gravy.

I hope I never get rich. Rich people eat weird-ass food.

After his aunt and uncle leave, Phil invites us to see _The Bodyguard._ I decline politely. We get along okay, and I don't hate him for doing my mom, but I don't want to be a third wheel in a dark theater during a romance. I briefly consider hitching a ride with them to see _Reservoir Dogs _again and letting Phil cover my admission, but I'd rather go back to Renee's to watch some old holiday flick. I need to get in the spirit. And I'm just not feeling it.

They drop me off on their way to the theater, staying in the drive until I'm in the house with the door locked. I still hate being here alone. It gives me the creeps.

Determined to make the best of it, I warm up the Jiffy Popper and make a huge bowl of popcorn. I'm half way through the first sister scene in _White Christmas _when the doorbell rings. My hand is frozen, hovering above the bowl and a shiver runs down my spine when I think of the last time I was here alone and I answered the door.

On tiptoe, I move to the peephole, scared to even breathe until I verify it isn't Ben on my porch.

It isn't. It's Edward. Every bit of air I've been holding in rushes out in relief until a new panic sets in.

I'm on my period, so I know sexing him up is off the table. It's a good thing really because I've thought about that afternoon on Charlie's couch more than I want to admit. Almost to the point of madness, and even though it hurt, I'm pretty sure I'd do it again.

He leans forward and presses the buzzer again. I watch him do it, but the chime still startles me.

_This is ridiculous. Just open the damn door. _

I pull it open and stare at him expectantly.

"Hey." He holds up a foil covered plate in his left hand. "I uh…brought you some turkey." He grins as he hands it to me.

My tongue is frozen, and even if it wasn't, the lump in my throat would guarantee my silence.

"There are apples too. And dressing," he babbles, running his now empty hand through his hair. He's shifting his weight nervously like part of him wants to bolt. "We had plenty. You know how Mom is." I swallow and nod, trying to figure out why he is here. Why he cares. "Well, I guess I'll go. Happy Thanksgiving, Bella."

He turns to leave and almost makes it to the stairs before I finally manage to speak.

"You could come in. I made popcorn."

Jesus. I may as well have said "I carried a watermelon." I feel _that_ stupid. But it's Edward, and he turns me into an idiot just by showing up. He always has.

He groans as he turns to face me. "You were going to eat popcorn for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"No, I had dinner at Phil's house earlier. I didn't eat much though. It was lamb, and I was in the mood for turkey." He laughs and I repeat the invitation for him to join me. Minus the part about the popcorn.

"I can only stay for a little while," he tells me as he follows me into the house. "Mom and I are leaving for Seattle in the morning."

I nod, pretending to be distracted, determined not to ask why. It's none of my business. We are on some kind of precipice here, I can feel it. If we play our cards right, we might be able to salvage our friendship. Asking questions I might not want the answer to won't help the cause. I haven't forgotten who lives in Seattle.

_Tread lightly. Baby steps. Nothing personal. Keep it generic. Pretend he's Jasper or Mike. Easy. Uncomplicated. _

_And DO NOT think about him naked. _

That's the plan anyway. It's awkward at first, making small talk with someone I once knew inside and out. As the conversation progresses, there are certain topics we both avoid. School, baseball, Seattle, our summers, Emmett.

"I've been doing my best to keep in touch with Alec," he tells me as we sit on the back steps smoking after my dinner. "Jane is pretty fucked up, Bella. Alec couldn't give me all the details because their mom is screening all their calls and eavesdropping around corners. She won't let them hang out with any of us anymore. Not even Felix."

"That really sucks," I sympathize. "I knew things were weird with her and Lonnie, but I had no idea he was such a…" I let the thought die. I'm not sure what he was. Asshole seems like a weak description.

"Yeah." He doesn't rub it in. All the times he told me that something was just "off" with Lonnie. He could, but he doesn't. "I've got to go," he says, glancing at his watch. "I told Dad that I'd ride with him to Port Townsend to take my grandparents home."

He isn't looking at me, and I can't look at him. Goodbyes have never been easy with us, even when things were good. So I stand and swipe imaginary dust off my ass just to give myself something to do. "Thanks for the food. It was nice to have turkey on Thanksgiving. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with my family." He laughs, shaking his head a little as he inspects his shoes. "Please tell Esme that I appreciate it."

"Yeah, I will."

"Okay then." I reach for the door handle, knowing I should just say it and get it out of the way. "Thanks for bringing it. Happy Thanksgiving, Edward."

Finally, he glances up at me and smiles. "You're welcome." He hesitates. "I guess I'll see you around." I nod and turn away because I don't want to see him do it first.

Somehow, I manage not to cry until I get back into the house and I know he's gone. The popcorn is cold and stale, but I had turkey. And once upon a time, I had a real family too, even if it was only for a little while. It's nice to know that, sometimes, they still think about me too.

A pang of guilt hits me, and a minute later, I'm dialing the station in Forks. Luckily, Charlie is in his office, and he sounds so happy when I wish him a happy Thanksgiving. We chat for a few minutes as he eats the meal that Mark delivered on his way home from dinner at his mother's house. Charlie met him at the car and fell in love with the new baby. Listening to him rant and rave over this kid after watching him goo goo over Hannah on multiple occasions brings me to the sad realization that my dad would have made an awesome Granddad if I were a normal chick.

Even though it doesn't see any action these days, I'm still abnormally fond of my puss, and I don't want anything to rip it to shreds. Hannah may have been tiny that first day in my living room, but I saw how big her head was. That shit is just not right. Maybe that's why Renee is always irritated with me. She's holding a grudge.

When I can't take any more talk of tiny hands and the smell of baby powder, I tell him I'm tired, and we say our goodnights.

The doorbell rings again before the fucking train even makes it to Vermont. For the second time tonight, I hit pause and move to the door on shaky legs. This time it's an Edward induced panic attack.

It isn't him. It's Mike. And the wood feels cool against my cheek when I lean against the door in disappointment. It's so hard to admit that a tiny part of me hoped it was Edward on the other side. That maybe he changed his mind.

Before I open the door, I try to shake it off by plastering a small, fake smile on my face. "Hey," I tell him as I welcome him inside.

"Hey," he sighs as he sinks onto the sofa. He's not smiling. In fact, he looks disconnected. Like the Mike I saw in February, ashen and dull.

"What's wrong?" I whisper as I sit down next to him.

He doesn't answer just stares at the frozen figures on my TV screen. His chest is moving and he occasionally blinks.

"I can't go home," he says slowly. "Everyone else is doing family stuff. I hope this is okay."

"It is," I assure him. His arrival may have stirred the Edward pot a little more, but that was bound to happen anyway. I would be sitting here alone, staring at the screen but seeing a completely different movie in my mind if Mike hadn't shown up.

Some company might be a good thing.

"Do you like me?" he asks out of the blue. He turns to face me, pinning me with cold, baby blue eyes. "Do you think I'm a good person?" He sounds like a lost little boy.

"Yes." I give him honesty. He looks like he needs it. "I think you're an amazing person. One of the best dudes I know." I knock my knee against his. Whatever happened at home has really shaken him. I have a feeling I know what's bothering him, but I don't want to push him. "You know," I tell him. "It's much easier living in Forks with Charlie than it ever was here with Renee." He tilts his head, and since he's listening, I keep talking.

"The worst part was constantly disappointing her just by waking up in the morning. That's what it felt like anyway. She looks like a runway model, and I look like a homeless groupie most of the time." He chuffs a little. "The constant sighs and clucks of disapproval. The shopping trips to the mall so she could pick out tons of clothes for me to try on that normal girls would die for, but I just felt weird in.

"Then there was school. Half the kids hated her and the other half wanted to fuck her. Then I show up and they're all like _what the fuck? THAT's Ms. Swan's kid? No way._ I guess I was supposed to be some big-tittied cheerleader so I could follow in her footsteps. And instead, I'm some weird geek who curses like a sailor and dresses like a confused punk rock hippie." At that, he laughs. "Imagine their surprise. Except Em, of course. He knew how fucked up I was and he loved me anyway. Kind of like you guys."

"I don't feel right in my skin either," he sighs. "When Jess asked me to be her boyfriend back in eighth, I said yes because I was supposed to. She was already my best friend and I thought maybe I could be normal. The same thing with football. My dad wanted me to play, so I played. I did everything I was supposed to do, and every night I prayed something would change but every morning I woke up the same. I buried it. Every minute of every day I walked around playing a part. Lying to everyone. Keeping secrets."

"God, I know how that feels."

He looks at me for a few long moments before continuing. "Jess hates me. My father hates me. My mom is a wreck. I hurt everyone I love."

"I don't hate you. I won't ever hate you." I think of all the times he's looked out for me over the last couple of months at parties. He never let drunk Bella do anything that sober Bella would regret in the morning.

"You don't really even know me."

"I see the way you look at him." He goes rigid until I lower my hand to rest on top of his. Then he leans back against the cushion and sighs. "I don't care, Mike. I've known for a while, and it doesn't matter to me."

"I told my parents over Thanksgiving dinner. My dad was bitching about football again and asking about college. I told them I've decided to go to UW and major in Theater. Dad lost it. I lost it. I told them everything. Then he berated me as my mom cried because I'll never be a man or give them grandchildren. When he started screaming about AIDS, I had to get out of there."

"I've been there too." His head snaps up and I laugh. "Not like that, but I've had to run away myself a time or two." His smile is cautious, almost like he expects me to start screaming and calling him names any minute. "Don't feel bad. I'm a straight girl and I'm not giving my parents any grandkids either."

"It's been so hard. Not having anyone to talk to about this."

Jess was his best friend. Other than her, there was Tyler, but for obvious reasons, he couldn't talk to him either. He really has been alone.

"I do know how you feel. How one little secret can change everything."

"I don't know what happened at PAH last year, Bella, but I'm glad you're back. It's good to have someone to talk to. I miss that so much." He stretches out on the couch facing the TV with his head in my lap. Silently, I restart the movie and, after setting the remote on the table, I slowly run my fingers through his hair. I don't say anything about the damp spot on my jeans beneath his head, and I try not to sniffle out loud as I discreetly wipe my own tears with the sleeve covering my other arm.

I let him crash on the couch. Renee isn't happy about it when she comes home, but she doesn't make him leave.

We're both scheduled for afternoon shifts at Newton's the next day, and I try to stay close and serve as a buffer between Mike and his parents as we hustle through the busiest work day of the year.

As the days pass, the tension in the store only gets worse, until Mike has finally had enough. His threat to quit two weeks before Christmas shuts Mr. Newton up quickly. And then it's business as usual. They save the fighting for home, and Mike spends as much time away from home as possible.

I still haven't managed to get into the holiday spirit by opening night of _A Christmas Carol _in Port Angeles. Mr. Berty shakes his head when we show up five minutes before show time. He cheerfully follows us into the theater after checking our names off his list and handing us our tickets.

Last year, I was excited about tickets up front. We have sixth row this year, and all I can think as we walk through the nearly full room, is that everyone is looking. Watching. And _he _is here. It's that same awareness. Like my traitorous body can _feel _when he's near. Alice and Jasper walk arm in arm a few feet ahead of me and Mike, and I can hear the whispers.

"Are you okay?" he asks, putting his hand on my elbow to guide me since I refuse to look at anything but carpeted aisle in front me.

I know there are kids here from PA. I saw Phil's Mercedes in the parking lot. Mom comes every year without fail. "I'm fine." Mustering a smile is hard, but there is no way in hell I'm going to show weakness when I know that Ben or Royce or Rosalie might be somewhere in the crowd. Screw that.

We finally make it to our seats moments before the regular lighting is cut.

When the show is over, we take our time, waiting for the crowd to leave the parking lot. Alice needs the bathroom so we follow her to the lobby.

Edward is standing against the wall between the two restrooms. His hair is so much longer now, and God. As much as I hate to admit it, he looks fantastic in a white button up. Those fucking arms get me every time.

The air leaves my lungs in a slow whoosh as I look closer at those arms. There is a white, lacy sweater draped over his forearm and he's holding a purse against his body in the crook of his elbow.

_He's with someone. _

Oh God. This is it. The moment I finally lose my mind.

When the door of the ladies room opens, he pushes away from the wall. My brain is screaming for me to turn away but I just can't move. The ground feels funny under my feet.

Mike leans in close. "Bella? Bella, are you okay?"

No. Rosalie Hale walks right up to Edward with her hand held confidently in front of her. I feel Mike's arm slip around my waist to keep me upright and I watch in horror as Edward deposits the purse in her palm and offers her the sweater.

_Not her. _

Anyone but her.

"Please. I need to go," I beg quietly, turning away and forcing my feet to move.

I spend the ride back to Forks sitting quietly in the back seat of Mike's truck, listening to Metallica's _Black _album and hating every teenage boy in the world for loving that stupid band.

On nights like this I wonder if the boy I fell in love with ever really existed. He's so different now. And when I think about it, so am I. We're on two completely different paths. But Rosalie. Well, they're both athletes, they both come from normal families, they have money, and the worst part is they're both beautiful. Physical perfection. Yeah, the worst part is that she looked like she belonged beside him. Something I never managed to do.

Maybe she wanted him all long? She was awfully interested in my relationship with Emmett. Maybe she wanted me to want Em instead of Edward. It would explain some of her behavior. What other possible motive could she have had? There had to be something in it for her.

And I can't prove a fucking thing.

We hit the diner for shakes and then hang out at Alice's for a while getting stoned and watching recorded episodes of _Northern Exposure. _A moose in the road is apparently funny to every person in the room but me. I wish we had booze because drinking until I pass out sounds like an excellent idea.

Thanksgiving was two and half weeks ago.

_Was he seeing her then?_

This sort of question keeps me awake well into morning, and I'm dead on my feet the next afternoon at work. Exhausted from restless sleep and awful dreams.

"You look like shit," Mike says when I meet him at the time clock.

"Gee, thanks," I mutter.

"I'm not here to do you any favors, Bella. You need to shake this off, and you need to do it now. Trust me."

"My situation is totally different from yours, so don't tell me how to feel," I snap.

I leave him there and make my way to the front counter. I'm running one of the registers today and it's a total godsend because we have a steady flow of customers until dinner time. The rest of the shift drags like it always does when Mrs. N schedules me to close on Saturday nights. It only happens once a month, but every time it does, it sucks.

Being trapped at work really blows when you know all your friends are out partying.

I'm standing at the door of the store when the clock finally strikes 9pm. I turn the lock as quickly as possible so we can get the rest of the show on the road. We walk the store, making sure no kids are hiding in tent displays or camped out in the restrooms.

Once the cash drawers are balanced, recorded, and tucked away in the safe, we finally manage to escape.

Charlie is home early tonight, and the two of us watch the evening news and _Saturday Night Live._

At five minutes after midnight, headlights sweep across the front window. Curious, I stand and cross the room to look out, wondering if Mike and Mr. Newton got into another fight.

"It's for me, Dad," I tell Charlie, knowing something is definitely up by the way Edward is stalking up the walk.

"We need to talk," he says as I step outside and close the door behind me. "Rosalie told me about Royce. Now, I want you to tell me what happened with Ben." He levels me with a glare. He smells like Trident and alcohol and blood. His lip is cracked and there's an angry scrape across his temple.

He's been fighting. And now he's here asking me about Ben. He knows. Somehow he knows. And he's drunk on my porch. The front tires of the Volvo are in my yard and the back tires are on the asphalt.

"Let me get a jacket," I tell him.

"If you try to lock me out here and disappear, I'll wake up your entire neighborhood. Swear to Christ."

He relaxes when I nod in understanding.

I close the door after letting myself in the house. Edward would never drink and drive. Where is Emmett? How could he let this happen?

I can't let him leave. He could hurt himself or someone else. "Dad, Edward has been drinking." Charlie's head snaps up and the TV is forgotten. "Please don't arrest him. Just call Esme. Let them come and get him, please. Please don't arrest him."

Charlie hates drunk drivers. He's seen too many lives ripped apart by them. "That boy is lucky I was teenager once before I became I cop," he mutters, picking up the cordless phone. I tell him Edward's number and move to the door. "Don't let him leave. No matter what."

"I swear." And I do.

Edward is standing with his back to the door when I rejoin him on the porch. I'll do whatever it takes to keep him from getting behind the wheel of that car before his parents show up. Even if it means I have to talk about things I'd rather leave buried.

"I'm not sure what you're asking," I tell him. I don't want to say any more than I have to about Ben.

"He said-" he begins before cutting himself off by shaking his head. "It was him wasn't it? The bruise on your arm that last day of school." He's asking, but not asking, like he's piecing it together for himself.

"How did you-"

"I saw it myself, Bella. I got out just in time to catch your grand exit." He turns to face me. "He said-" his voice is strangled and I'm beginning to wonder exactly _what _he did say that has Edward this tied up in knots. Twice he's tried to say it, and both times he's faltered.

"Just spit it out," I encourage.

"He said he enjoyed knocking you down a peg and showing you who was boss," he grits. "He was laughing when I broke his fucking nose." He winces as he runs his hand through his hair. In the glow of the streetlamp, I can see the split skin on his knuckles and dried streaks of blood on his hand.

"Did he do that to your face?" I whisper, horrified that, again, he was hurt because of me.

"No," he says darkly. "Royce sucker punched me while I was focused on Ben. Fucking pussy," he spits. "Then Emmett gave him a lesson in fair fights." He shifts to look at me. "Did he?" He looks sick. Like he might puke on me any second, and knowing that he cares makes my lip tremble.

He notices. Of course he does. "He didn't…you know." Turning his face away, he exhales long and slow as he lets my words sink in. His shoulders relax a little and he looks so relieved. Part of me is humiliated as I tell him what happened on my porch with Ben that night. His fists are clenched so tightly that the one he used to break Ben's nose is starting to bleed again. He wraps it in his t-shirt as Mark pulls up in a cruiser and parks at the end of my drive, blocking any exit.

_Jesus, Charlie. Was that really necessary?_

Mark doesn't turn on the lights or sirens. Instead, he cuts the engine and remains in the car. Edward just stares at him. If he's mad that I told Charlie he's been drinking, he's not letting it show.

"Goddammit," he groans, shoving his face into his open palms. "I took you to his house. Left you alone with him."

"Don't," I tell him. "I was clueless too. I thought he was a nice guy."

"You know," he says, shaking his head. "I was your friend before anything else. You should have come to me when he hurt you."

"It would have been my word against his, Edward. There were no witnesses. I didn't want anyone to know, especially after the rumors…"

"I would have believed you." He walks to the edge of the porch and keeps his back to me. "Just like I believed you every time I asked you what was wrong and you said 'nothing.' I could feel you pulling away so I worked harder to keep up. And every fucking time I asked you what was wrong you said 'I'm fine.' Obviously, you weren't. You should have told me that Royce was pressuring you about those answer keys. It explains so much looking back. Why you were so miserable all the time. Why you started pulling away."

"I started pulling away? Are you kidding me, Edward?"

"Did you really think I couldn't tell?" He turns to look me dead in the eye. "You weren't happy."

"Neither were you."

"It was a lot, Bella. The never ending practices and homework and trying to keep up on three or four hours of sleep a night. And I know I was a grumpy bastard but you still smiled like you meant it then. I'm not sure when it changed. That's the worst part. I was too busy to notice. I kept thinking to myself that we would hang in there to get through the season and then we could fix it over the summer. People fight, Bella. All couples fight, but you didn't. You just walked away."

I don't know how to take these things he's saying. What to do with them or where to put them.

"Have you, even once, stopped to think how different things could be right now if _you _had trusted _me _enough to tell me that Royce threatened you?" He's so angry, he's shouting and shaking.

"What would you have done, Edward?" I whisper-shout. "Quit the team? So you could blame me later? Or maybe you would have picked a fight with him. Then what? The whole school would have turned on you."

"Better me than you, but you didn't give me a choice, did you?" The silence stretches long and hard between us. "Well guess what, Bella? All that shit happened anyway," he explodes, slamming his fist against the banister. "And none of it compares to the day my _ex-_girlfriend drove off and left me standing in the school parking lot." Mark is out of the car, moving across the lawn, but Edward isn't done. Not yet. He stalks over to me and leans in for the kill. "For a girl who hates her mother for abandoning her, you sure are quick to follow in her footsteps."

The crack of my palm against his cheek surprises us both.

"That's enough." Charlie growls from behind me.

_Fuck. _

"Edward, I don't ever want to hear you talk to my daughter like that again for as long as I live. Do you understand me?" At some point, Charlie must have joined us on the porch. I feel his hand on my shoulder pulling me back toward the door.

"Don't worry, Chief," he says quietly, looking at me instead of Charlie. "We're done."

"Bella, go inside." Charlie's words register, but I can't do it. Not yet.

Edward and I are locked in some kind of staring match. His face. It's so different. Bony, defined cheeks. Clear, mossy eyes. But no warmth. Like the fire just died. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

God, I'm sorry every minute of every fucking day that things ended up the way they did. Maybe part of it WAS my fault. The thought kills me a little.

He doesn't move. Not an inch. He doesn't even blink. Just stares. Long enough for me to know that sorry isn't nearly enough and he meant what he just said.

I leave them on the porch and crawl into my bed, trying not to think about any of the things Edward said to me tonight. It's impossible.

The first time Rosalie Hale ruined my life, she did it with lies. I never imagined she could do it again with the truth.

-o-

**A/N: I think Edward hit a nerve.**

**I also think he has a right to be angry. You guys had to know that he would find out sooner or later, right? I'm glad that's out of the way. They both need a chance to cool off. **

**Drinking and driving is never okay. Never ever. But I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't happen.  
><strong>

**Throwing bones = playing dominoes. **

**Mike's dad is an asshole. He does not express my own views of homosexuality. I want to make that very clear. It was much harder for people to "come out of the closet" back in the 90s. Talk of AIDS hit mainstream media. There were no gay characters on TV (unless you count Bert & Ernie). It was the **_**Matthew Shepard **_**era. It was the decade that finally gave birth to the labeling of hate crimes. **

**I also don't take Lonnie's suicide lightly. I had three friends who committed suicide shortly after high school. Not from any of the same "groups" of friends. By that, I mean none of them knew each other, they just all happened to know me. And in every case, it was devastating for the friends and families left behind. If you or someone you know needs help, please get it. **

**Thanks for reading! You guys are really awesome. **


	21. Chapter 21

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a big, fat crush on Chris Hemsworth and a plan to make my husband take me to see SWATH for our anniversary in a couple of weeks. The last time I got to pick the movie on "date night" was in 2008. I told him we were going to see a vampire movie. He was expecting something like **_**Blade **_**or **_**Underworld. **_**It was **_**Twilight. **_**Since he no longer trusts me, I'm totally pulling the anniversary card on his ass. No shame. **

**My (almost back to being a nice person) sister looked over this for me. Trust me, she knows I'm joking. Any mistakes left are mine. **

Chapter 21

_Everywhere I look_

_you're all I see_

_just a fading fucking reminder _

_of who I used to be_

_(Something I Can Never Have- Nine Inch Nails)_

_-o-_

"Let's go," Leah demands as she tugs away the comforter I've been buried under since the first day of Christmas break.

"No. It's nine o'clock in the morning. Go AWAY." I turn onto my side, facing the wall.

I hear them file out of my room a few moments later. They mean well, but they have no idea what this is like. He was the ONLY person in the world I ever talked to about my parents. I talked to him about Jake the first night I met him. I gave him my body and handed over my heart. Why didn't I trust him when it counted?

I tried to write him a letter, but the only words I could get out were "I'm sorry." I never allowed myself to think about how different things could have been if I'd been honest. But Edward's words echo in my mind, and I think about it now. More than I want to.

Their boots are heavy on the stairs, and I can hear them whispering. "Whatever you assholes are planning, it won't work," I call out over my shoulder.

"We'll see," Alice warns seconds before icy cold water is dumped on me and my bed.

"What the ever loving fuck are you doing?" I scream at them as I stand. Now there's a damn puddle on my floor too.

"It was for your own good, Bella," Carmen says. "We had to do something to get you out of here. Go. Take a shower and get dressed."

"Or?" I ask sourly.

"The three of us will MAKE you."

Damn them all. "Wait downstairs." I point at the door, and, silently, they leave.

A long, hot shower helps the chill. It's cold and rainy outside, so I start with a black long sleeve body suit and extra baggy jeans that hang low on my hips. Since I have no idea where we're going or what we're doing, I add a flannel for warmth. I hate having cold, wet feet, so I choose wool socks and yellow rubber rain boots I found on a clearance rack at Walmart. Maybe if I embarrass them, they'll leave me here.

As if.

Carmen drives straight to Louise's shop. They waylay me in the parking lot. Carmen wants to give me a new do. She thinks it will help break me out of my "funk_._"Alice wants something new. Thick, choppy bangs are the new thing. I was in fifth grade the last time I had bangs.

Different might do me some good.

Carmen squeals in delight when I give her permission to do whatever she wants as long as the length allows for ponytails. Alice opts for bangs as Louise drapes a cape over her shoulders. Carmen gives me a cape of my own and I close my eyes after the first snip.

Surprisingly, she doesn't go overboard. My hair is still long. Past my shoulders. She cut thick bangs that land just below my eyebrows and colored eight locks of my hair a deep shade of burgundy that matches my favorite pair of Docs.

It looks…good.

I gasp when Louise spins Alice's chair around. Her hair is gone. Cut into a short, choppy bob. She is also sporting bangs, and her stripes are deep purple. It looks good on her, framing her face perfectly.

"Come on, Leah," Carmen begs. "Let me give you some color. You're the odd woman out."

"Says the girl who dyed her hair Grinch green for Christmas. No thanks," Leah replies without looking up from the open issue of Cosmo she's been reading for the last half hour.

They decide a last minute trip to Port Angeles is necessary so they can finish shopping. I haven't bought a single gift, and Christmas is only three days away.

The mall is packed. Carmen is forced to park in the very back of the lot, and it's a hike just to get to the entrance. Eventually, I start jumping into their conversations because I can't help myself. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm glad they forced me to come.

We walk for hours and shop until we can't possibly carry any more bags. I'm half miserable from the walking, but equal parts happy to have these girls. Even if they are assholes. The horses on the mall carousel are wearing Santa hats. Unfortunately, they catch Carmen's eye. We stack our bags on one of the bench seats in a carved chariot before choosing horses.

We were eight or nine when this mall opened, and the first time we came here, we alternated riding and waiting in line to ride for three hours straight. Carmen still believed in fairy tales back then, and I have pictures of her with flowing long hair, wearing a pink princess cone hat, riding the same white horse she chooses today. She's so different now, but somehow the same.

Leah's cousin, Emily, has been working at the greeting card store since the fall, so we stop in to say hello. She spends fifteen minutes gushing about some guy she met at Peninsula. His name is Sam, and she just moved in with him this past weekend. The girl is absolutely smitten. Her boyfriend must be something. We finally break away after promising to visit her new place soon.

Mr. Newton threatens to fire me the next day.

He claims there is a company policy regarding the streaks in my hair. Surprisingly, it's Jessica who comes to my rescue. "Come on, Mr. Newton," she smiles. "I have highlights in my hair. They just happen to be blonde."

He stomps back to his office.

"Thanks," I tell her as we walk to the gift wrap counter. She's been a little cold with me since Mike and I started hanging out. I'm surprised she agreed to come back this season and more surprised she took up for me like that.

"He's always been a grouch."

"He gives Mike hell, you know." As if on cue, Mike walks by, eying us curiously as we both study him. "About football." I lower my voice. "Stuff."

"Is he okay?" she asks, doing everything she can to avoid my gaze.

"Not really. He misses his best friend." She doesn't answer. "Sometimes, people get hurt no matter which path they choose. Truth. Or lies. Sometimes, the hurt is just inevitable."

Maybe that's what I should put in the letter I'll never sit down to write. I miss my best friend too. And I would have ended up hurting him either way. The same way he hurt me.

We were just way too much for a couple of teenagers. Too intense. Too in love. Too caught up in the sex. The drugs. School. Baseball. It was all too much. High school is supposed to be about leaving behind a trail of broken hearts, not finding a soul mate. And with parents like mine, how could I have ever believed a teenage romance could end well?

I spend Christmas Eve with Renee and Phil at his house. After dinner, he joins me on the deck out back for a smoke. It's become a bit of a tradition with us. He puffs on a cigar as I toke a Camel. It's our "get to know each other" time. He's not going away any time soon, so I'm making an effort.

Tonight is different. I need his help.

"So, I guess tryouts will start next month?" I'm aiming for aloof, staring at the cherry of my cigarette. Watching the smoke swirl and waiting to see if he will answer. I don't know how much he knows.

"That's the plan." He's staring. I can feel it.

"Do you have a lot of returning players?" God, that was lame.

"All but one."

_All that shit happened anyway._

I've played those words back in my mind. Again and again. He meant every word of it. He quit the team. "Edward?"

"Yes," he confirms.

"Did he tell you why?"

"He didn't really have to tell me. He and Ben Cheney were hauled off to the office for fighting the last Monday before break."

"Again?"

"Cheney had it coming," Phil's voice is uncharacteristically hard. There isn't a hint of a smile on his face.

"What did he say?" I want to know. I don't want to know.

Phil decides for me, ignoring the question. "They were both suspended. I was called to the office since both of them are, or I guess I should say were, on the team. Edward quit. Ben gloated. I had to break them up. Again."

"Please fix it," I beg quietly. "If he quits, it was all for nothing. I don't think I could live with that."

Ben won't be satisfied until he has absolutely wrecked us both. Okay. Maybe I was a bitch, but it wasn't like there was a welcoming committee. Was hurting me worth tearing the team apart?

One memory. A clear memory of Ben's angry face as he pounded on the door after looking at _the list. _Oh god. It started not long after. The friendly chats. The project. I thought he was being nice. The girl. The girl he was working on.

"Two birds with one stone," I murmur. He wanted to hurt Edward just as much as he wanted to hurt me.

"Are you okay?" Phil takes a few steps to get closer.

"Please don't let him quit. He's good. No," I correct myself. "He's a great player. Because he loves it. Please don't let Ben take that away from him too."

"I'll do what I can." He seems so genuine. Looks so concerned. We've already had the I'm-not-trying-to-replace-your-father talk. And that's good because I have one dad. My dad. But I'm beginning to think it might not be such a bad thing to have Phil as a friend.

As cool as he is, I still leave and head back to Forks around ten because having a sleepover at my mom's boyfriend's house sounds weird as all fuck.

Jake and his family arrive early on Christmas. Hannah is crawling now and it freaks me out that she can think and go places. She sits occasionally and stuffs anything she can find into her mouth. I spend the day on my knees following her around and taking pictures of her as she trails slobber everywhere.

Charlie and I both went a little overboard on the kid. He bought a Little People garage for her and a tiny pair of baby sunglasses. I bought her a bunch of clothes and two books. "Where the Wild Things Are" and "The Giving Tree." Every kid should have them. I also bought her a copy of "Forever" by Judy Blume, but I'm going to wait until she turns 14 to give it to her. Until then, it will sit next to my copy on my book shelf.

Rachel stares at me every time I go near Hannah or say a single word to Jake. It's almost like she's analyzing me. "You want to sneak out for a smoke?" I ask her after gifts have been opened and dinner consumed.

She nods, and we slip quietly out the back door and walk across the yard until the trees offer cover. When I light a joint and offer it to her, she takes it without hesitation and pulls hard. We get stoned in silence. She waits until my head is bent forward to light a Camel. "I really wish you would give Jake another shot," she says quietly.

I swallow smoke and choke on it until tears pour out of my eyes. "You can't be serious."

"You guys get along. You like Hannah. God, Bella, you must have spent fifty bucks on her for Christmas. You'd be good for them. You were always good for Jake."

"Not like that," I inform her. "We weren't good for each other at all as a couple. We were friends who got on each others nerves and fucked. We never even had a real relationship."

"She's right," he says as he walks up behind her. "I told you to mind your own business." He has both hands in his pockets and the tone he is using with her is almost…parental. I have to resist the urge to laugh.

She stomps away, huffing and puffing and bitching about how stubborn _we _are. Thankfully, Jake and I are all the way past any awkwardness over our past. It happened. We regret it. It's over. Buried and forgotten by unspoken agreement.

"Thanks for everything you and Charlie did for Hannah," he says quietly as I offer him what is left of the joint. He shakes his head and refuses the weed, pulling the Camel box out of the front pocket of my flannel instead. "I can't be groggy if she needs me in the middle of the night." He takes a cigarette and bums my lighter.

"You're welcome." Jake never was one for manners. "What classes are you taking this semester?"

He attempts a half grin that looks more like a grimace. "I'm sitting this one out."

"Why?" I ask. "You know what they say about taking breaks in college. You never go back." Lots of people say it. I think everyone's parents might say it at some point or another.

"Diapers, formula, doctor's visits, babysitters…that shit adds up, Bella. I'm barely breaking even." He sounds so damned defeated, I want to get in my truck and hunt Maria down.

"Maybe you should see a lawyer. See about child support. Her dad is a VP at the power plant. Surely they could help."

"Can't afford one."

God, it's like some kind of vicious cycle.

I've never pitied anyone in my life as much as I pity Jake in this moment. I was so, so angry at him. I wished horrible, awful things on him when he cheated on me. But I really do feel bad that life has totally kicked him in the balls lately.

"Do you regret it? Keeping her, I mean."

"No." His answer is immediate and earnest. "My only regret is that I'll never be able to give her all the things she deserves." Something about his devotion to her causes an ache in my chest. When it counts, Jake doesn't run. "I'm sorry, Bella. Really sorry about the way I treated you. If some guy did that to Hannah…Fuck. I would lose my shit. You were my friend and I disrespected you in the worst way possible. I don't know why you even talk to my sorry ass."

"It is okay, Jake." I _thought _it was dead and buried.

"It's not. Jesus, Bella, it's really not."

"Fine. Yes, it was a shitty thing to do. Yes, it hurt my feelings. But you and I both know our relationship never would have lasted. It's not like we were soul mates." Another pang.

"What happened with that anyway?" He says it so casually. It's a harsh reminder that my world is the only one that stopped spinning. Well, I'm starting to consider the possibility that Edward's may have too, but to everyone else, we're just another teenage breakup. Something that happens every day. Nothing special.

The girls are the only ones who know the whole story. Jasper knows bits and pieces. Mike has more theories than facts.

I don't know why, but I end up spilling my guts to Jacob Black as we hike deeper and deeper into the woods. I light another joint and get distracted a few times. He asks questions and winces when I tell him about the closure sex. "Yeah, not my finest moment," I agree.

I go on and on, and so does the trail. When we reach the end, he pulls a flashlight from his coat pocket, and we turn around to walk back. Jake knows I was a thumb sucker, so I don't spare a single embarrassing detail from him.

"The last time I saw him, Mark was handcuffing him on my porch." For a long time, the only sounds are crunching twigs and the thuds of our boots. Even stoned, I'm all worked up. None of that was easy to say and his silence is making me edgy.

"Give me another cigarette." We stop to light up. He leans his whole back against a tree as he exhales. "Do you even realize what you did to that poor guy?"

"What _I _did?"

"Cool your jets. Yeah, he fucked up too. It sounds like you guys spent too much time fucking and not nearly enough time talking." There's an unfamiliar burn on my cheeks. Shame. "I can see why you didn't tell him about the keys. Really, it was none of his business. But when that Ben guy admitted to playin you both like that? You should have told him right fucking then."

"We were broken up. It would have seemed like a pity play."

"Damn, girl. By not telling him, you made him look like a total punk. Those dudes were probably laughing at him behind his back the entire time."

Great. Something else I never considered. No wonder he's so angry.

When we're done smoking, we hit the tree line and make our way back to our families. Hannah is sleeping peacefully in the carrier. She is much cuter snoozing than she was drooling on the remote or banging coasters on the floor.

Charlie helps Jake with Billy, and Rachel carries Hannah. When they're all outside, I drop heavily onto the couch. Holidays are exhausting.

Charlie is working the overnight, so I stop him when he comes inside before he makes it to the stairs. "Did you take the cuffs off before his parents got here?" It's the first time I've mentioned that night. Charlie hasn't said a word about it either. But now, after talking to Phil and Jake, I need to know the extent of humiliation involved.

"Yes. I took them off as soon as we found his car keys." I stare at the chipped black polish on my fingernails. Waiting for him to ask. Anything. But he doesn't.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Merry Christmas, kiddo."

I spend New Year's Eve crying on the beach at the res, drunk off my ass, high as a kite, and rambling to Tyler, of all fucking people, about my ex-boyfriend and the incredible sex I was having this time last year. He helps me over to the Suburban shortly after midnight.

When we're all situated, Alice speaks up from the backseat. "Change of plans. Drop us off at Bella's house." My head is spinning and the highway dots are blurring. So instead of arguing, I rest my cheek against the cold window and let Mike drive us to my house.

I feel a little less sick and only slightly buzzed as I lead them up the stairs to my room. I start stripping the minute Alice turns on the light, wanting warm pajamas and my bed.

"Bella, it's a new year," Alice says softly as I pull worn flannel over my head. "Time for a fresh start. You can't undo it. And you can't get better until you let it go."

"What do you think I've been trying to do, Al?" I glare at her as I pull up my pajama bottoms.

"It isn't letting go if you're still holding on with one hand," Leah chimes in.

I can't believe this. It's like they're turning on me. I turn to Carmen, waiting. She doesn't disappoint. "How many times a week do you take down that box, B?"

Three during a good week. Five when it's bad. They're right. And I'm tired of being stuck. At this point, it's a conscious decision. I'm choosing. "I read this article in Cosmo about a girl who burned all of her ex's stuff. Like a cleansing ritual." Alice makes it sound like a medical procedure.

What's done IS done. Those kids are gone. His smell is gone. The paper just smells like ink now. And I can recite every one of those notes. Word for word. But I still read them.

I still hold on. We've been broken up longer than we were together, but I still hold on. I still read those letters. I look for him in crowds when I'm in the Port. I drive by his house on my way back to Forks every time I come home from a visit.

I haven't cooked in seven months. Or eaten a brownie. Or even looked at Hostess cupcakes. I've only managed to maintain my weight by alcohol consumption.

I pull the Pink Floyd t-shirt from its resting place beneath my pillow.

_Am I holding on because I still love Edward? Or because I'm afraid I might find someone else I could love more? _

It's hard to imagine.

It feels like a betrayal. Burning his things in the trash barrel out back. His thoughts. His words. Us. Turning us to ash. And I don't stay to watch. The anger and disappointment shift and shrink inside me leaving a hollow mark, but my friends are right. This is a new year. A fresh start. A clean break.

-o-

Time is a funny thing. And it passes quickly once I decide to stop measuring it in Edward Cullen sightings.

Things get slow at work after the first of year, but things at school pick up. The yearbook is in its final stages and so is a term paper I've been working on for Berty's class since November. Alice and Mike are both knee deep in the spring production of _MacBeth_. I run lines with them so often I could probably understudy, if it weren't for the whole scared to talk in front of people thing.

The Friday before Valentine's Day doesn't get to me. I don't let it. Of course there are girls carrying vases of flowers around school all day, but I don't let them bother me. The combination of rain and cold has created lovely black ice patches across the parking lot. Carmen and I slip and slide until we reach the truck. I start the engine, and we chat as we wait for the heater to kick in. There is a horrible skidding noise moments before we're both jerked forward in our seats.

Tyler hit an icy patch and spun right into the back of my truck. Carmen and I exit swiftly to see if he's hurt. He's fine, but his ride is jacked. The front bumper is crushed in against the wheels. My truck doesn't even have a dent. Carmen offers to call a tow truck, and I suggest Quil's shop for repairs. Tyler agrees, nodding slowly.

"This sucks," he mumbles as she walks away.

"You've got insurance, right? I mean, you drive for a living."

"Yeah, I'm insured. It's just…" He sighs. "Out of all the cars in this lot, it just had to be yours."

"Hey," I tease. "You should be glad. There won't be a payout on mine. This thing is a tank." I pat the tailgate lovingly.

"True. At least let me take you out to dinner." He holds up his hands the moment my lips part to answer. "Not a date. I KNOW you don't date. You've told me a hundred times. Just something to make up for _this._" He waves a hand at his van and then my truck.

Carmen is staring at me. Tyler is looking at his feet. And all around me there are couples, standing close with arms wrapped around each other and girls holding flowers. I've never gotten flowers. From anyone. And I never will unless I try.

"Okay."

Carmen bounces a little, but manages to keep quiet. My heart is racing. Even if it isn't a date, it's a step. "Really?" he asks.

"Not a date. Just dinner. Friends," I confirm.

Dinner turns into occasional movies, and by the time spring break rolls around, we're hanging out. Sort of. No labels. We stay away from the Port at my request and we avoid spring sporting events.

I've seen Edward's name in the sports section of _Peninsula Daily News_, so I know Phil must have convinced him to play. PAH is having an amazing season. Flawless, so far. They have a new pitcher, a sophomore phenom, named Elliot Walker. Royce is still on the team, but he's only been mentioned in the newspaper as a backup pitcher this season.

I bet it is killing that huge fucking ego of his.

Mike says I'm crazy for not boning Tyler's brains out. I worried at first that he would be upset, but he explained his crush on Tyler is purely physical. He knows Tyler is straight as a board, and if he can't hit it, he claims at least one of us should.

"Not gonna happen," I tell him as I pull jeans over my hips in the dressing room of the vintage shop. Phil gave me a rather large gift certificate for Christmas. I've avoided PA as much as possible, but I really need new clothes. We're expecting a warm summer.

"That's what you said about dating," he calls from the other side of the door.

"We're not dating," I insist. "We hang out."

"Regularly."

"So." I pull an embroidered peasant top over my head.

"Soooooo, that's dating."

"Stop it," I tell him, yanking open the door and stepping out to model the outfit.

"The shirt looks good, but the jeans need to go." He's eyes are locked on my backside. "It is dating."

I twist in the mirror. "What's wrong with the jeans? I think they're cute. And it is not."

"Your ass looks weird in them." I cock my head and scowl at him. "What? I can still appreciate the female body. Get the skirt instead. Are either of you seeing anyone else?"

"You're an asshole." I slam the dressing room door in his face, and he chuckles before leaving me in peace to get dressed. He's thumbing through a rack of jackets when I make my way to the front of the store. I huff as I pass him.

The cashier moons over the retro swim dress I've picked out and starts a lengthy conversation with me about different local bands. There are flyers for shows hanging behind her on a peg board. Peter's band is playing Thursday, but I'm scheduled to work.

I have two loaded bags when I leave the store and a hefty leftover store credit. Phil is very generous. It's something I'm working on accepting. Days like today help.

"So, are the two of you going to hang out together and not date at opening night next week?" he asks, grinning as he unlocks the door of the Suburban for me.

Instead of answering, I give him the bird.

We do show up together for the play. Phil and Renee are waiting for me outside the auditorium before the show.

"That's Phil?" Carmen hisses, studying his black dress pants and muscular arms. "Introduce me, bitch."

I do, and she flirts with him like a shameless hussy with Rainbow Bright hair. I'm honestly a little embarrassed for her.

My mother seems to like Tyler. She asks him about college and lights up when he tells her he's going to Baylor in the fall. She gives me a satisfied look. It's the same look Charlie has been giving me lately and I don't understand it.

_Aren't parents supposed to worry when their teenage daughter starts hanging out with the high school quarterback?_

Someone forgot to give my parents the memo.

The girls and Jasper go in ahead of us, promising to save seats for us. Tyler's fingers are loosely hooked with mine between us. He and Phil are talking about Waco as Renee hovers near the sign-in sheet she's using to track extra credit.

I'm excited for Alice and Mike and a little bit stoned from the drive with Tyler, content reading through the cast list and admiring the program Jasper designed. Something catches Phil's attention, and he excuses himself from Tyler.

I glance up in time to see him shaking hands with Emmett as Rosalie Hale looks at me curiously. When Em draws back his hand, she slips hers into it like she's done it a thousand times.

"Hey, Bella," he says quietly. "Tyler." They nod at each other, doing the guy thing, and I want to pull my fingers from Tyler's. An inexplicable urge to hide churns inside of me.

"We should go in," Rosalie says, putting her perfectly manicured hand on Emmett's forearm. They leave us standing, much the same way we were when they arrived but without conversation. None of us know what to say.

"No practice today?" I ask Phil, trying not to sound accusatory.

"We only practice three days a week," he replies.

"Tyler, will you wait inside for me?" I may not be in love with him, or even in like with him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings by asking what I need to ask in front of him.

"Sure thing." He disappears, abiding our unspoken rule of not pushing me. He never asks for anything, which is good because I don't have much to give.

I wait for the auditorium doors to close behind him. "Why were Rosalie Hale and Emmett holding hands? I thought she was with Edward."

Phil and Renee both look surprised. "They've been dating since last fall," Phil replies slowly. Like I'm dense. They're both looking at me like I'm dense.

"Emmett has a girlfriend? As in, one girl? A relationship?" Stranger things have happened, I'm sure, but I can't think of any right now. "Is he coming here tonight? Edward, I mean."

Phil squirms a little before shaking his head. "No, he's not coming. He's helping his mother with an event tonight. He and Angela…" he trails off.

"Angela? What does she have to-" The looks of unease are enough to fill in the blanks.

"It's recent," Renee says softly. Like that's supposed to make me feel better.

He was never with Rosalie Hale. But he is with Angela. Angela. Out of all the girls in Port Angeles- hell, out of all the girls in the world- he chooses to fuck one of my friends. If he wanted to hurt me, he couldn't have picked a better way to do it. And Angela. God, what an evil, conniving bitch. There are rules of conduct. Don't obsess over or fuck your friend's boyfriends, or ex-boyfriends. It's common courtesy.

Knowing them both makes it easy to imagine. Easy to see in my head. Picture them.

I wish I'd never asked. And in some ways, I'm glad I did. Maybe this is the shove I've been waiting for. The information overload is gnawing at me so I escape it by finding my friends and Tyler.

When the show is over, we go back to Alice's house to party. She and Mike gave performances worthy of a celebration. The alcohol flows and the bong never hits the table out back.

A year. This time last year I was crying. Tonight, there were no tears. I can't believe it's been a year. It feels more like a thousand. One more and I can get out of this place.

Halfway through a bottle of Cisco, I glance at Tyler. He's sitting next to me on the very same love seat I sat on with Edward Cullen on a different night a long time ago. It would be so easy to let him finish the song he's playing and then take the guitar out of his hands. He would follow me if I pulled him into Alice's bedroom. He's hot and judging from the experience I do have with him, which isn't much, I'm betting he could make me feel good. But when it comes down to it, even stoned and slightly drunk, I am smart enough to know that _thinking_ my ex-boyfriend _might _be fucking someone else isn't a good reason to hurt a nice guy like Tyler.

I don't want to be careless with someone else's feelings.

At the end of the night, I walk with him to his van. "You were quiet tonight," he says as he places his guitar case in the back.

"I was thinking."

"That doesn't sound good." He turns around slowly, frowning a little.

I never dreamed I would actually be lame enough to give someone the "it's not you, it's me" speech, but I am. The worst part is that it's true, and I feel even worse when he tells me not to feel bad. He jokingly thanks me for giving him enough time to find a prom date. I'll admit to feeling sad as he hugs me goodbye. He's cool, and I hope things won't be weird between us because of this.

Jasper catches a ride home with Mike, and the girls and I clean up so Jeanette doesn't walk in to a huge mess when she comes home in the morning. We put the bag full of beer and liquor bottles in the trunk of Leah's car. She can throw it in the dumpster behind the library when she gets to work tomorrow. We move all the knick knacks and candy dishes back to their normal spots.

They listen to me explain what happened with Tyler. None of them are really surprised, although Carmen admits she is disappointed. She really wanted to know if he is as good in the sack as rumor suggests.

"I hear he's looking for a prom date," I tell her. The fact that I can even joke about it is proof that I did the right thing.

"Bitch please," she teases. "Like any of us would be caught dead at prom."

-o-

**A/N- Holy cow. She's finally starting to use her head. A little.  
><strong>

**So many new alerts. Welcome. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	22. Chapter 22

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own tickets to see **_**"Mamma Mia!" **_**live with my daughter. The best part? She asked me to take her. **

**As always, M, thank you for looking over this. Any mistakes left are mine. **

**This chapter song was the first one to go on the playlist for this story. There are several versions of it floating around out there, but my favorite is by a Canadian alternative/blues/folk/rock band- Cowboy Junkies. In fact, they're one of my all-time favorite bands. I told y'all I was a choir girl. I love music I can sing along with.  
><strong>

**I heard FFN is screwing up formatting again. If there's a problem with formatting, I'm sorry, but I won't be able to try to fix it until after the finale of _Hatfields and McCoys _tonight.  
><strong>

Chapter 22

_But I won't let it change me, not if I can_

_I'd rather believe in love_

_And give it away as much as I can_

_To those that I am fondest of_

_Someday I'll get over you_

_I'll live to see it all through_

_But I'll always miss dreaming my dreams with you_

_(Dreaming My Dreams With You- Cowboy Junkies)_

_-o-_

The girls and I make a point of showing up for Mike's graduation. And where we go, Jasper goes. It's a good thing because Mike's asshole father doesn't bother to show up to see his only child graduate. I'm glad Mike has a cheering section.

Mrs. N sits with us, and we yell loudly when the principal, Mr. Mason, calls Mike's name. He waves and smiles, but I know him. That's not his real smile. No one else notices the way he pauses at the end of the stage to let his eyes sweep over the crowd in the gym. Looking for his father. Wishing for his dad.

By the time they call Jessica's name, I'm fighting back tears because I know everything Mike owns is packed in the Suburban. He's leaving for Seattle right after graduation. He has friends there who have offered him a place to crash until he can find a job, a roommate, and an apartment. He's hoping to accomplish all three before the beginning of the fall semester.

I can't blame him for leaving, even though it breaks my heart.

After the last name is called and the closing remarks are finished, there is a roar of celebration as caps fly into the air. Tyler, Mike, and few others pull cans of Silly String from beneath their seats and spray it into the air as girls weep in each other's arms and parents flood the floor, pushing through the crowd, trying to find their kids.

We take our time, waiting for Mrs. Newton to hug Mike and hold him and say her goodbyes. I have to look away when she buries her face in his chest. Thank goodness she doesn't let her husband rule her heart the same way he rules their home. Maybe someday he'll accept Mike for the awesome person that he is.

After a few moments, she steps back so the rest of us can congratulate him. To my surprise, Jessica approaches us and asks for a moment alone with Mike. It's hard to let them walk away knowing that he is already having a horrible day even though he's doing his best to hide it. If she goes off on him, it would crush him.

Carmen is yammering on and on about possible hair colors to match the hideous graduation gowns we'll have to wear next year, but I'm keeping one eye on Mike and Jessica in the alcove. So far, they're both smiling. I let out a breath. Whew. Getting scrappy on Jessica at graduation would have sucked. When he leans forward to place a soft kiss on her forehead, I know everything is going to be okay, so I turn around to give them some privacy.

The smile on his face is genuine when he rejoins us. I don't care what she said; I'm just so damn happy that she said it. Tyler joins us, and we all walk out together. Mr. and Mrs. Crowley are waiting to take him out to dinner so he says his goodbyes first and they hug and pound on each other's backs with fists. Surprisingly, Tyler is the one swiping at tears as he walks away. He calls over his shoulders that he'll see the rest of us losers at Lauren's house tonight.

Jasper and Alice check out next after she verifies we're hooking up at the diner. Carmen and Leah both hug Mike and wish him good luck.

"We'll wait for you in the car, B," Carmen says as they walk toward the Mustang.

"Are you okay?" I ask. He's smiling, but somehow, he still looks sad.

"I'm good. I'm really good."

I glance in the windows of the Suburban. It's packed full with boxes and suitcases. "Do you have my number somewhere in all of that stuff?"

"All four of them." He grins, opening his arms wide so I can fall against him. Then he wraps them around me as I snot all over his shirt. "Hey, I'm moving to Seattle, not getting hit by a bus."

"I know. But I also know that you won't be back." His dad is an asshole. Who would want to come home to that?

"No, I won't. But you can come and see me, right?"

"I can. We can go shopping together and you can make sure I don't buy jeans that make my ass look bad."

Because he's Mike, he starts singing "Baby Got Back." He smacks my butt and his own until we're both laughing. "You should do that more often," he says.

"I'm trying." When I say the words now, they don't sound whiny or pathetic, just factual. And I'm still smiling.

He promises to call me sometime next week before I leave with Renee and Phil, and we give each other one last hug before I watch him drive away.

Leah lights the first joint of the evening before Carmen has even turned out of the school parking lot. We take the longest possible route to the diner. Alice and Jasper have already ordered by the time we finally get there. We stick around for milkshakes after dinner because Lauren told us not to show up before seven.

The Mallorys own a huge house off the highway and back in the woods. There aren't any neighbors for miles on either side. Brent is like the coolest brother ever. His band is playing tonight as live entertainment, and he brought a keg.

Jessica stops me in the kitchen to thank me. "I thought a lot about what you said. My brain has known all along that letting me go was the best thing he could have done for me, but that doesn't stop my heart from hurting, you know?" I nod and she continues, "I'll probably never see Mike again, and I couldn't bear to leave things that way for all eternity." She huffs. "I should have forgiven him a long time ago. It feels pretty good."

"Better late than never," I tell her, silently vowing to fix my own shit at the first possible opportunity. I don't want to leave things this way with Edward or Emmett. We may never be friends again, but we don't have to be strangers either.

"Come on," she says, grabbing two Solo cups from the counter and pulling me out back to where the real party is.

As Brent's band plays a few feet in front of the detached two car garage, kids mosh with bare feet on the concrete driveway. We dance and headbang until we're dizzy and exhausted.

Leah and Brent disappear after the set. The rest of us sit around on the grass, sipping beer and laughing over silly childhood stories. When they come out of the house together a few minutes later, they're sneaking furtive glances at each other and walking so close their arms brush. I won't lie, I'm shocked. Leah hasn't shown an interest in anyone in forever.

She sits down with us, and Brent keeps walking, choosing to hang out with his band mates near the garage.

"What the hell, Leah?" Carmen asks.

"Stop staring at him, assholes," Leah hisses. We all duck our heads guiltily. We were looking at him. She sighs. "I don't know how to explain it. He's always been hot, but tonight when he looked at me, he REALLY looked at me."

"So what happened?" Alice digs.

"Nothing." Her mood sours. "He's twenty-two and I'm illegal until July."

"The legal age of consent in Washington is sixteen," I tell her.

"Unless there is more than a four year age difference, Bella." She raises her hand and grimaces. "Future law student, remember?"

Right. Still, it's weird that she would know that. "Do you know every law in Washington?" I ask.

"I looked it up when you were with Jake. I thought about calling the cops on him until I remembered that your dad IS 'the cops' around here. It would have been awkward."

"Thanks, asshole."

"Anytime."

When Carmen and Leah leave us to find a bathroom in the house, Alice pulls me up and we walk over to Brent and his friends. She leads him away from the crowd and drunk-rambles our plans for the summer. I'll be gone until the end of June. Alice and I both planned our trips around Leah's birthday party this year. Her birthday is July third, and between summer vacations and the holiday, it gets overlooked every year. We give her gifts, of course, but we never have parties. So I told Renee I would spend the entire month of June with her as long as I could be home by July first. Alice made a similar agreement with her father, extending her stay in Mississippi by a few days in August on the condition that he let her stay in Forks until July 5th. We'll have a few days to hang out and we've planned a massive surprise party for Leah's eighteenth birthday.

He smiles and says he wouldn't dare miss it. Alice promises to call him with Emily's address once she gets it.

"Now, _that's _a nice birthday present," I mumble, staring at his back as he walks away.

She giggles. "That's the plan."

The last days of the school year pass quickly.

I show up at Renee's house as requested at six o'clock in the morning on the first Sunday morning of summer break. She and Phil are waiting for me in kitchen, sipping coffee while reading the newspaper.

"I left my suitcase in the back of the truck. I didn't see the point of lugging it inside," I tell Phil as I pour Life cereal into a bowl.

"No problem." The words roll off his tongue so easily.

He's just naturally nice. I think that's why I agreed to spend such a large chunk of my summer with him and Renee. We're leaving for Jacksonville this afternoon on a flight out of Seattle. Renee and I will leave from there Monday morning on a five day cruise to the Bahamas. When we come back, we'll spend the following two and a half weeks with Phil at his beach house in St. Augustine.

I'm dying to see the Atlantic and hang out on warm beaches. I'm not crazy about the cruise thing, but Renee is really excited about it, so I'm compromising. Our trips are winding down. Once I start college, I'm not sure if I'll come home for the summers.

We arrive in Florida in the middle of the night, but Phil has a car service waiting to drive us to the Casa Marina.

As I open the car door in the parking lot of the hotel, I smell salt in the air and hear the sounds of the surf echoing from behind the building. The air is warm. Warmer than midday back home.

Renee follows me as I walk around the building. When I hit the sand, I pause to slide the Berks off my feet and carry them in my hands instead. Renee does the same with her sandals and then we walk until we're ankle deep in the ocean. It looks blue and endless in the light of the moon and it offers a sense of peacefulness I've never found in the cool Pacific.

Renee sighs. A content, happy sigh. It sounds the way I feel. It's going to be a good summer. I can feel it in my bones.

She and Phil share a romantic goodbye kiss at the dock Monday morning. The kind of kiss you see in movies when someone is going off to war. It's embarrassing. And gross. And I'm not jealous because my mother has someone to miss her. Not at all.

Once we've found our suite and unpacked, Renee changes into her swimsuit. She wants some time in the hot tub. Gross. Sitting around boiling in other people's filth is not on my list of things to do while on vacation. Or any other time for that matter.

I spend most of my time on the boat reading in a white lounger on one of the side decks and trying not to think about the Titanic. It really freaks me out to be surrounded by water without a glimpse of land in sight.

I feel better once we've docked at Freeport, but walking on land is really weird after being on the ship for a day and a half. My mother doesn't let it stop her. She drags me along, stopping at every roadside booth and forcing me into to every shop. We buy floppy straw hats to help block the sun, and more than once, we slip into diners to cool off by sipping strawberry daiquiris.

Tuesday, we snorkel in Nassau.

Wednesday is spa day. Manicures and pedicures in the morning, full body massages in the afternoon. The chick rubbing me is tiny, but she has mean hands. I moan out loud and tell her I like it rough. Renee shakes her head, and it's nice to be the one doing the embarrassing for a change.

I've changed my mind about being rich. I'll eat the weird food as long as I can afford a personal masseuse.

Relaxed and boneless, I melt into bed and pass out cold. I don't wake up until long after dinner, but the best thing about cruise ships is that you can always get food. No matter what time it is. And beer. There's a lot of beer too. If you "look" eighteen on a cruise ship, you "are" eighteen. I've walked around smoking and drinking for days and no one has said a word. Or carded me. Being slightly buzzed all the time helps with my nautical anxiety issues.

Renee sits with me in a sports bar as I hammer back Budweiser and eat hot wings until my lips are numb. She orders a beer, but I can tell she doesn't like it. She sips it occasionally and grimaces every single time. She is such a girly girl. But at least she's being cool and not bitching. She's been nothing but awesome so far on this trip.

No bitching. No griping. No pressure.

Just me and my mom.

"Thanks for doing this," I tell her. "Taking me places, spending time with me, you know…"

She flushes and waves her hand a little. "Thanks for coming. And for staying. With me and Phil, you know…" Maybe someday we'll be able to have a normal conversation without fighting or snipping or stepping into awkward land.

We go back to our suite to find the movie _Overboard _playing on HBO. I groan, and she laughs. She agrees that it is completely inappropriate viewing material considering my fear of Davy Jones and his locker. We decide to call it a night instead.

Phil is waiting for us at the dock Friday morning, and he laughs when he sees the way our luggage has multiplied due to my mother's manic shopping tendencies. He doesn't complain though, and he listens as she tells him all about our cruise in the front seat. The drive to his beach house in St. Augustine lasts long enough for me to get completely engrossed in the T.H. White novel I've been reading over the course of the week.

Phil's house is in a private gated community called Sea Colony. There are only four houses actually located on the beach. His is the largest of the four and seems so ostentatious.

St. Augustine takes my breath away. The beautiful Spanish architecture mixes with sand and surf, seducing me. I love this place. I wasn't sure I would at first.

I got over it when Phil showed me to my junior suite upstairs. It has a sitting area with a large TV and an attached balcony. The palm trees are so close I can reach out and touch them when I'm outside smoking. The bedroom has the most comfortable bed I've ever slept on. And it's a king.

Yeah. I could totally get used to this shit.

Phil lets me drive his Beamer around town so I can take pictures. There are so many beautiful things I want to see and capture on film to take back with me to dreary Forks.

During one of my afternoon excursions, I stumble across Flagler College. The campus is gorgeous. Pale buildings with dark orange shingles covering steeples and domes. There are palm trees everywhere. All over campus from what I can see from the street.

I mention it to Phil and Renee during dinner.

"I play golf with the Chancellor at the country club. Would you like to tour the school?" Phil's offer is nice, but it looks like a really ritzy school. I don't want to graduate from college with a mountain of debt hanging over my head. And it seems wasteful to entertain going to such an expensive school when I still I have no idea what to major in.

"No, it's out of my price range," I tell him with a smile.

"Flagler offers scholarships just like any other school, Bella. We can also check out Jacksonville University if you're interested. You could live here."

The fork I've been holding drops loudly onto my plate. "What?"

"You could stay here. Keep the place up for me during the school year."

Only Phil could make it sound like I would be doing _him _a favor by living in his mansion by the sea. I hum noncommittally and resume eating the veggie lasagna I made for dinner.

Renee offers to clean up since I cooked. Phil joins me on the beach for an after dinner stroll and a smoke. The sky is equal parts yellow, orange, pink, and blue. I can't resist snapping a few pictures of the horizon as he rolls his linen pants up. Then we walk in silence for a few minutes with our toes sinking into the sand and brine licking at our ankles.

"I'm going to ask your mother to marry me," he says nervously.

I breathe in deeply. "She'll say yes."

"Are you okay with that?"

I think long and hard before answering. "Look, I'm not big on the institution of marriage in general. It rarely works out the way people think it will, but that's just my opinion. If you and my mom want to tie the knot, it's your business. You make her happy. Happier than I've ever seen her and that's not an easy thing for me to say." I stop for a moment to take a drag from my Camel. "So yeah, I'm okay with it."

"Thanks, Bella." He smiles before puffing on his cigar. "I already consider you family, and the offer stands on the house."

I flick the cherry from my cigarette and pocket the butt. "It's too much," I tell him.

"Not really," he insists. "The house is here. It's paid for. I leave the utilities on timers year round and pay a maintenance staff to clean and landscape. You can pull weeds and mow the lawn, right?"

I laugh, lifting the camera to catch a shot of two surfers as they sit idly on their boards waiting for a big one. "I'll think about it."

"We'll check out the campus later this week. Ask about scholarships. You're a shoe-in for an academic award, and we can see if they offer yearbook scholarships. Maybe something in photography."

"Maybe."

I realize two days later that the campus is even more amazing than I originally believed it to be as I spend ten minutes taking pictures of the courtyard and fountain in front of Ponce de León Hall. There aren't many people around since only a few summer courses are offered.

We end the tour in the admissions office and leave with every application imaginable. Phil was right. With my current GPA and SAT scores, I should easily qualify for a scholarship. Of course, there are essays and other details involved.

On my last morning in Florida, I wake up early, in time to catch the sunrise as I sit on the beach in my pajamas sipping coffee and watching a pair of dolphins that are out for an early morning swim. In a weird way, I feel sad about leaving. I was obviously born on the wrong coast.

I whisper "good luck" in Phil's ear when he hugs me goodbye at the airport. Not that he needs it. Then I give my mom a long, hard hug before boarding the plane that will take me back to rainy day life in Forks.

Mr. Newton deliberately schedules me to work until seven the night of Leah's birthday party. I know he did it on purpose because I asked to leave no later than five. The good news is that Leah has to work until seven, too. So, it's my job to get her to her surprise party at Emily's apartment in Port Angeles. She thinks we're just hanging out with Emily and her boyfriend for a while. The goal is to keep her focused and prevent her from making ninety stops along the way. Timing is everything.

"Let's hit the record store before we go to Emily's," she suggests as we hit the city limit.

I glance at my watch. 8:15. "Not tonight," I tell her. "I've been doing the retail thing for the last six hours. The last thing I want to do is shop. I just want to sit around and smoke a little weed."

She pouts a little but allows me to bypass the shop and gives me directions until we reach a U-shaped apartment block. I've never been here, but Leah has on several occasions, so it's easy to lag behind her a few steps. When she reaches the right apartment, she knocks loudly.

For a long moment there is silence. Leah smiles when Emily yells "Come on in." I hang back away from the door. I love Leah, but I don't want to be the dork standing next to the birthday girl when she should be the center of attention.

Even though I know it's coming, I still jump when Leah opens the door and everyone screams "Surprise." She disappears in the crowd of people, and I sneak in undetected while everyone is distracted. Jasper is leaning against the wall away from the melee. I join him instead of trying to fight my way over to the girls. Things will settle down once everyone has had the chance to greet Leah.

She looks happy hugging everyone who approaches her, but the smile she gives Brent Mallory as he leans down to hug her is blinding.

Yep. She's toast.

"Twenty bucks says she cashes in the V-card within two weeks," Jasper laughs.

"You're on." I know Leah. She isn't one to rush into things. She'll date him, blow him, and get to know him before she gives up the flower. My own guess is a month. Maybe six weeks.

We shake on it.

Emily makes her way over to us so she can thank me for getting Leah here on time. "It was tough," I tell her. "She wanted to shop the moment we hit town."

"That sounds like Leah," she laughs. "You guys want a beer? We've got a friend making a run to the liquor store in a little while. You can put in an order with him if you want." She waves to a guy across the room and as he approaches us, I realize I know him from somewhere. He looks so familiar, but I can't place him. "Hey, baby," she says as he leans in to kiss her cheek. When he straightens, he faces us. "Sam, this is Jasper." She points to Jasper first, then me. "And this is Bella."

"Right. Bella Swan," he says, smiling and nodding. "We went to PA together."

Sam. This is Sam. Emily's Sam. Emmett's Sam. Edward's Sam. It's a small fucking world after all. "You look so different without the banger hair," I tell him. A little warning from Leah would have been nice.

"You had banger hair?" Emily asks.

Oh. Maybe Leah didn't recognize him. I don't know how that's possible considering the way he followed her around for half a night. Now this is awkward. Should I tell Leah? Does Sam even remember? Oh, fuck it. There's no sense in looking for drama.

"Thanks, Bella," he snorts. "Way to ruin my image."

"Sorry, man."

"You still smokin'?"

I'm tempted to throw out a "duh," but it sounds like he might be offering. "Yeah."

"Follow me," he says, tilting his head. Jasper and I fall into step behind Emily as Sam leads all of us to the area between the living room and the kitchen. On the center of a round, oak table sits the mother of all water bongs. I swear the damn thing is 3 feet tall.

"Nice bong," I say appreciatively.

He points out the five attached hoses. "Thanks. We call her Medusa."

"Awesome." I'm in. Anyone who loves a bong enough to name it is okay in my book. It doesn't take much to convince me when there is pot involved.

Alice's inner weed magnet kicks in, and she shows up in time to nab the fifth chair. I look around for Leah, thinking maybe the birthday girl should get in on the first bowl. She's talking to Carmen and Lauren as Brent plays with the thin strap on her tank top. She's flustered, but she isn't stopping him.

If that hooker costs me twenty bucks, I'm going to be pissed. Jasper smirks and rubs his thumb against his fingers. Bastard.

I decide to forgive him when he leans forward to light the bowl. I know after four hits that I'm going to have to buy one of these when I get my own place.

"I need a cigarette," Alice giggles.

"I could go for one," I tell her.

Jasper stays behind with Sam, and it doesn't take long for people to fill our vacated seats. We follow Emily out the front door and over to the grassy area in the center of the U.

"Jesus Christ," Alice whispers in awe. "Who is that?"

When I follow her line of vision, I have to suck in a breath. There's a guy leaning against the railing on the second floor of the apartment across the yard. His dark hair is cut Morrissey-style with thick sideburns and he's wearing a fucking "Orgasm Addict" Buzzcocks t-shirt. He appears to be checking out the party goers who are mingling below him on the yard.

"THAT is my boss," Emily giggles.

"That dude works at a greeting card store?" I ask. He turns and I catch a glimpse of black tattoo ink on his calf. "No fucking way."

She smirks. "He doesn't just work there, he owns it. His family does, anyway." When he zeroes in our group, he gives her a small wave and a grin. "Yeah, Riley is like a punk-rock prodigal son. He quit UW after his first year and just took off." As she talks, he looks down to twist the cap off of a beer, and like an idiot, I look too. Damn. He has nice arms. "Anyway, his family is from Joyce, and his grandmother owns _Paper Kisses. _She and Riley's mom run the shop together." When he pulls the beer up to his face, I know I'm busted. He's been watching me ogle his arm. Slowly he tips the bottle forward and nods. I look down at the grass in front of me before he puts his mouth on the rim.

_There is no way that just happened_.

"I thought you said he was your boss." Now I'm curious. Who is this guy?

"He is my boss. Temporarily. His grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago. When his mom called him, he dropped everything to come home and manage the store while she goes through treatment."

"Wow. That's so sweet," Alice says dreamily.

"Where was he?" I ask.

"A little bit of everywhere, but most recently New Orleans. He's a bit of a nomad." She laughs when we both stare at her. "Don't look at me like that. It's true. Since he quit school, he hasn't stayed in one place for long."

Alice gives me a look. "Perfect for a summer fling."

"Shut up," I mutter. She's been watching _Grease _again. She always talks shit after watching that damn movie. It makes her swoony and disgusting for weeks.

"Riley doesn't really get out much other than going to shows with us. The guy is a freak over music."

"He has nice taste," I admit. The Buzzcocks are one of my favorite British punk bands, and not a lot of people have even heard of them. This guy is sporting a shirt that he sure as hell didn't buy at any local music store.

He walks down the stairs slowly, shaking hands with other neighbors who are outside enjoying the weather and having parties of their own. It's very _Melrose Place_-y, only on a larger scale and hopefully a lot less evil.

"Do you guys want something from the liquor store?" Emily asks. "He's our liquor guy."

Alice turns to me. "What do you think, B, tequila?" I nod. Leah likes tequila, and I could stand a shot or two after the day I had at work. "We'll take a bottle of Cuervo. You guys have shot glasses, right?" she asks Emily.

"Dozens. Come to think of it, most of them have hair band logos on them. How did I miss this?" she muses as she leaves us to put in our order.

"See," Alice says quietly, tugging on my sleeve. She points to Carmen who is currently leaning against the building while chatting and flirting with a guy I think I may have gone to PA with. "People talk, hang out, bump uglies. Some faster than others," she concedes as we watch Carmen lean in to give him a cleavage flash. "Okay, maybe Carmen was a bad example."

"Alice, I'm having a really good time so far, and it would be awesome of you not to spoil it," I warn.

"I'm just saying you looked a little hot and bothered there for a second."

"Who's hot and bothered?" Jasper asks as he wraps both arms around Alice from behind.

"Nobody," I tell him

"Wrong." He smiles a wicked, smug smile. "Your girl is inside tonsil diving with Brent. Get ready to pay up."

"We didn't bet on kisses, jackass." I'm totally going to lose this bet.

Sure enough, when I go back inside, Leah is trying to eat his face off. Good for her. Birthday kisses are the best. Every girl should be so lucky.

Emily and Sam seem like a safe bet for decent conversation so I make my way to the kitchen to hang out with them until Leah comes up for air.

When Riley finally gets back with the liquor, he puts a huge paper sack on the counter before turning to me.

"Come with me," he says.

My whole mouth goes dry in an instant, and I can't pry my tongue from the roof of it. He smiles and his teeth are really, really white. And straight and perfect. I'm scared to look up.

_Please don't be green. Please don't be green. _

Blue. His eyes are blue. Bright, happy blue. And he's talking.

"I'm sorry. What?"

"There wasn't a decent bottle of tequila in that liquor store. I've got something better upstairs."

Emily senses my hesitancy. "He's cool," she whispers. "He was a bartender for a while. If he says it's good, it's good."

When he leaves the kitchen, I follow, giving Carmen a _help me _look on my way out the door. She grins. Stupid hooker.

"I'm Riley Biers," he says as we hit the lawn.

"Bella." That's all he really needs to know.

"You're friends with Emily?"

"Sorta. I'm one of Leah's best friends."

He climbs the stairs in front of me, affording me the perfect view of the calf tat. It's a fleur de lis symbol. Outlined in heavy black with purple and green swirls. Smack in the middle of the back of his leg, sketched between baggy shorts and black Chucks.

When we reach his door, he opens it wide and motions for me to go first. Once we're inside, I stand awkwardly near the door. The layout of his apartment is similar to Emily's, so I watch him as he moves through the main room to the kitchen area.

"I'm not Hannibal Lector. You can come in. Leave the door open if you want," he says loudly.

I do leave it open. I'm not a complete idiot. But slowly I make my way through his apartment. There are milk crates full of records along the wall. My fingers itch, wanting to flip through them. I bet he has some awesome shit in those crates.

It would probably be rude to dive into a stranger's stuff like that. Plus he could totally see me do it from the open kitchen which would just be embarrassing.

He pulls a bottle out of one of his cabinets and shows it to me. "Please don't ever drink Cuervo again. That stuff is garbage." He turns it so I can read the label. Dos Manos. Never heard of it. "The best brands of tequila are one hundred percent agave. Cuervo is only fifty-one percent. The rest of it? Fillers, sweeteners, and grain alcohol. Those make for awful hangovers."

I have no idea what the hell he's talking about, but if this stuff is good, then it's good. The bottle has never been opened, so it obviously hasn't been tampered with.

"How much do I owe you?" I ask, ready to get the hell out of his apartment and back outside to my friends.

"Nothing. I didn't pay for it, so it would be fucked up for me to take money." He reaches into a tiny pantry and brings out a bag of lemons. "You wanna find some music?"

He pulls a knife from a cutting block on the counter and starts slicing a lemon on the countertop. Ink. There's ink curling beneath his shirt sleeve. Every time he pushes the knife down, I can see it.

Music. I should find music.

First, I step over to the door. I breathe in deeply and check to make sure my friends haven't disappeared. Jasper and Alice are sitting on the lawn below. She waves.

"Do you have a favorite band?" he asks. I can hear the knife meet the counter occasionally as I begin flipping through records.

"Pearl Jam," I answer without thinking.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not. What's wrong with Pearl Jam?"

"Everything. They're just surfing on Nirvana's coattails."

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask sarcastically. "You're comparing apples to oranges. Two totally different bands with two totally different sounds. Grunge wouldn't be much of a genre with only one band to choose." He can dislike them all day long, but he doesn't have to be disrespectful about it. "Do you hate The Clash because you love The Buzzcocks?"

"No," he shoots back. "But The Clash doesn't suck."

"Neither does Pearl Jam." I don't know how to explain the defensiveness I feel over his insults. It's just a band. He's entitled to his opinion. Even if it pisses me off. "Oh, what's this?" I hold up a Mother Love Bone record. "So you like Ament and Gossard in Mother Love Bone, but hate them in Pearl Jam?"

"Do you want to go ahead and have the David Lee Roth versus Sammy Hagar argument while we're at it?"

"I don't give a shit about Van Halen; Pearl Jam doesn't suck."

"How old are you?" he asks as he walks across the room carrying a large Ziploc baggie full of lemon wedges and the bottle of tequila.

"Seventeen." That one word stops him dead in his tracks. I consider throwing out that my dad is a cop just for fun to see his reaction, but I want to walk out with the tequila more than I want to see him sweat. "I'll be eighteen in September."

"So you're in high school."

"I'm a senior." Guh. Like that matters. High school is high school, and this guy is the real deal. Bad boy with a soft side meets exotic wanderer all wrapped up in a nice, grungy, tattooed package. And I'm a silly kid who's still in high school. To save myself any further embarrassment, I reach for the baggie, and he hands it over along with the bottle of Dos Manos. "Thanks for the booze. And the lemons."

I have one foot out the door when he answers. "You're cute when you're mad. And you're welcome."

Cute. Yeah, that's just what every girl wants to hear. So I pretend I didn't hear it and make my way down the stairs so I can line up a few shots with the birthday girl.

Poor Jasper ends up driving all of us back to Renee's house and herding us inside like we're drunken cattle. As a reward, I let him and Alice have my bed for the night. Leah and Carmen take Renee's room, and I pass out on the couch.

He's nice enough to drop me off at Emily's so I can get my truck and follow them back to Forks for fireworks on the beach. As luck would have it, Riley pulls up in a rusted powder blue VW Bug.

"Back so soon, Bella with no last name?"

"Just getting my ride." I open the truck door and throw my bag in, stalling. I don't want to climb in while he's standing there watching me. There isn't any graceful way for a chick my size to get in a truck.

Instead of going on his merry way, he walks right up to me. Smiling and confident. Opposite of all the things churning in my gut and making my hands shake.

"There's a show this weekend in Olympia. It's a local band, but they have heavy punk influences, and I really think you'll like them. We could go together."

The torch I've been carrying around still burns somewhere deep deep inside me. It might burn there forever, and I might never know a flame like it again. But, whether I like it or not, there's a flicker here that can't be ignored.

The recognition of a possibility.

"Okay."

-o-

**A/N-So, this is the part where trust comes into play. In return, I promise two things. **

**One, this will NOT turn into a love triangle. It might feel like it for half a minute, but it really won't go that way.**

**Two, I will not write non-E/B lemons. I just can't do it. If that makes me a shitty writer, so be it.**

**I hope you guys will stick with me. Edward and Emmett are back next chapter. Oh, and Rosalie too. Yay?**

**You can come and yell at me via Twitter if you want to. **

**Oh, yeah….this coming Friday is my 16****th ****wedding anniversary! Woot! Happy Anniversary, MrSC. I've never met another man on this planet who can piss me off or love me up quite the way he can. And he makes pretty babies. I'm a lucky girl. **


	23. Chapter 23

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a little black Dachshund/Chihuahua mutt. She's dumber than a rock, but I love her. **

**Huge thanks to Rochelle Allison for nominating this story for Fic of the Week over at TLS. Also, thank you Dragonfly336 for the lovely review over at IndieFicPimp and Corie for the write-up at PPSS. Coldplaywhore recc'd the shit out of it on FB (thank you, lovely lady) & DiamondHeart78 gave it a shout out in her A/N for her story "Half Full" (which I am loving, btw). Lots of folks said Faireyfan sent them over as well. Thanks, hon! And Dovelove & mugglemom pimped this thing on Twitter like crazy. Love you both. If I missed anyone, let me know so I can give proper thanks. **

**You guys are amazing! **

**The lovely Jaime Arkin made a PERFECT banner for TGAG this week. I love it so much, and I'm hoping I can figure out how to share it with you guys. I'm techno-challenged. **

**My sis and mugglemom_08 both looked over this for me and helped me tons. Any mistakes left are mine. **

**Oh, and guys…don't let the chapter song scare you. It isn't what you might think. Not at all. **

-o-

Chapter 23

_And in this moment, I need to be needed  
>With this darkness all around me, I like to be liked<br>In this emptiness and fear, I want to be wanted  
>'Cause I love to be loved<br>I love to be loved _

_I love to be loved  
>Yes, I love to be loved<em>

_(Love To Be Loved- Peter Gabriel)_

**-o-**

"So tell me about these tattoos," Alice says as she peeks at me over the open suitcase she's unpacking.

"Yeah, Bella," Carmen sings. "Tell her."

"Why do they do this?" I ask Leah. "We haven't seen Alice in a month. She hasn't said a word about her trip yet. And they want to harass me about Riley's tattoos."

She shrugs. "You may as well answer. They'll drag it out of you eventually."

True. I sigh. They always do. "I only saw them once when he changed shirts in the car after that show in Olympia. I don't know…they're kind of like a map. You've seen the leg tat. That one is from New Orleans. He picked up the Budweiser symbol on his bicep in Saint Louis. My favorite is the one on his hip. It's a guitar, but the body is the shape of a sun. He got it in Memphis after touring Sun Studios."

Alice smiles. "Nice. Leah?"

Leah's head whips up, and she narrows her eyes. "What?"

"Does Brent have any tattoos?"

"Yeah, he's got a Decepticon symbol on his back."

"You've been very naughty while I was away," Alice says, grinning. "I'm so proud of you. Jasper says you won the bet, Bella."

"Barely," I huff. Two days. She lasted two weeks and two days. What a wimp.

"I waited eighteen years to finally get laid. Will you please stop bitching?" Leah jokes. She has a point. She outlasted the rest of us by years, and she kept her word. She didn't waste it on a horny, teenage jackass. "We want to hear about your trip."

"Nuh-uh. Spill, Leah. Every last detail," Alice tells her.

It's nice to be out of the crosshairs for a change. Riley turned twenty-two back in June, so I'm the untouchable one now. Other than the tattoo thing, a few shows, and a lot of hanging out, there isn't anything newsworthy going on with me.

Leah spills because she knows Carmen and Alice will hound it out of her if she doesn't. At the end of the conversation, I know way more about Brent Mallory's dick than I ever thought I would and that, apparently, clitoral stimulation during sex is the bomb. She even let him go down on her. I can't believe it.

"Ewww," I whine. "Isn't that messy?"

"If the guy knows what he's doing, it is," Carmen says laughing.

I know my cheeks are flaming. "You're such a fucking pervert," I tell her.

"Prude."

"Weed," Leah begs.

Thank God the sex talk is over. We make our way to Alice's back yard, and she waits until we're stretched out side by side on our backs to light the joint. Then, in the same spot I told them I was home for good a year ago, Alice tells us she's leaving and going to Mississippi after graduation for a year.

I'm speechless.

Visiting schools like NYU, Jacksonville University, and Flagler was fun. It was entertaining. Somehow I guess I thought we would all end up at UW together hanging out. There was never an Alice-moves-to-Mississippi-for-a-year provision in the plan.

"Why?" Leah demands. She and Carmen look as pissed off as I feel.

Alice is leaving us. For an entire year. "What does Jasper think about this?" I ask, wondering if she's really thought this through.

She sighs. "I haven't told him."

"He spent the night here last night, Al. Why didn't you tell him?"

"I want to wait. If I tell him now, it will be hanging over our heads for the entire school year."

I stand, dusting off my jeans. "I can't believe you," I tell her. "Haven't you been paying attention at all, Alice? You've got to tell him. It would be cruel not to. Haven't you two discussed any plans for next year?"

"He's going to UW," she says calmly. "When I come home, I'll go there too. I'll just be a year behind. I might even take some classes while I'm in Mississippi. Who knows?"

"I think Bella is right, Al. You should tell him."

"Leah, you've been in a relationship for all of five minutes. Don't start acting like Oprah," Alice snaps. "We've been together for two years. I think I can handle it my own way."

"Your way is going to hurt him much worse in the end," I tell her, leaving them in her back yard to walk to my truck.

"Bella, don't go." Alice catches me before I can get away.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask, choked up and strangled. We stick together. It's what we do. Mississippi isn't Port Angeles. Mississippi is long distance phone calls and not seeing each other at all. "How can you leave Jasper like that?" Silence. "How can you leave me?"

It isn't fair for me to be angry. It isn't rational. I've considered Phil's offer in my mind several times, but I don't think I would have actually acted on it. I was prepared for UW. We all have the grades to go there. It's reasonably priced. Close to home. Away from home.

"My dad asked me to come and live with him, so we can get to know each other." She swipes at tears on her cheeks. "I WANT to know my dad, Bella. What you have with Charlie?" She pauses, shaking her head. "I might not ever have that, but I'd at least like to know who he is. What parts of me came from him." The resentment ebbs with her words. "I have a little sister who's actually interested in me right now. I want a relationship with her. I just want to know my family."

I want those things for her too. More than I want her to stay. "I'm sorry." I pull her to me tightly, hugging her because I love her. Because I'm losing her. Because everything is changing again and I can't stop it. "I'm just scared, Al. And selfish. God, I'm such a selfish bitch."

She laughs. "You're not selfish. I'm scared too."

"Please tell Jasper. It's the right thing to do." I can't keep her here, but I can try to help her leave the right way.

"What if he breaks up with me?" she whispers.

"He won't. I know it." I know it in my heart and in my bones. "But you have to give him the choice."

She nods, wrapping her arms around her waist. "I'll tell him tonight when he gets here."

"Good," I tell her. "I'm gonna go. Jasper will be here soon anyway. I think I'm going to head to the Port for the night. I feel bad about being a jackass, I really do. It just…shocked me."

She smiles, probably thinking I'm running off to Riley's, but there's someone else I should see tonight. My mom and Phil got back from Florida two days ago, and I have had to work so I haven't been able to see them yet.

After talking to Alice, I want to see my mom's new ring. I want to let her tell me all about it as Phil watches and laughs. I want to know if she cried, and I want to see her happy.

The smile Phil gives me when he opens his door is confirmation of what I already knew. She said yes. He looks like the happiest man alive. My mom has always been a knockout, and she looks so relaxed and carefree in jeans and a tank-top. It reminds me of when I was kid and her only job was being my mom.

The rock Phil picked is classy. Huge, but classy. We sit at the dining room table and talk about the wedding. They've picked a date. December eighteenth. It's the first Saturday of Christmas break. They'll have time for a quick two week honeymoon.

I try not to be disappointed that they'll be gone for my last real Christmas at home. If they don't do it in December, they'll have to wait until next June. I've been selfish enough for one day, so I let it go.

"Bella," Renee says, looking at Phil nervously. "I'd like to hire Esme Cullen to do our reception. She's the best there is and she's done several weddings at the Olympic Lodge, but if you're uncomfortable with her, Phil and I are willing to pay someone to come in from Seattle."

"Don't do that," I tell her. "I'm a big girl. Esme is the best. I know she'll do you right."

"I'm not like Coach Banks, Bella. I love my boys. They're like my family, and I plan to invite them."

I hear what Phil's not saying. Edward will be invited. Emmett will be invited. Esme will probably accept the job. I'm going to be surrounded by everything and everyone I've been running from for over a year.

Instead of feeling scared or weak, I feel a longing so profound it makes me wish the time would fly.

"I'm a big girl, Phil. I can handle it." For the first time, I feel ready for it. Like I can finally say what I need to say. I want the peace that Jessica and Mike found.

"I'd like you to be my maid of honor." I don't know why my mother's request surprises me, but it does.

They both look so excited I don't know how to say no. Maid of honor means standing up in front of a room full of people. Including the PAH baseball team. Thank goodness Royce and Ben graduated last year. "What kind of dress?" I refuse to wear some puffy princess crap. And I will not wear any shoes that need to be dyed to match a dress. I won't do it.

"We'll go shopping soon. I don't have a preference on the style, but I do have veto power, Bella."

In other words, no dressing like a hippie hobo for Mom's wedding. "I'm sure we can find something we both like. Who's the best man?" I ask Phil. I don't want any surprises.

"My uncle."

Perfect answer. Walking with any of his hot baseball player friends would make me feel ridiculous. Walking with some old guy is going to make me look like a young, hot chick. I can deal with that.

"I'm having a bigger house built on the outskirts of town, a little closer to Forks but still within PA limits. It should be ready sometime after the first of the year." Phil glances at my mom. "You'll have a room there if you want it. But I want you to know that it really won't hurt my feelings if you decide you'd rather stay at your mom's house."

I hate it when he gets nervous around me. "Will my room include one of those fancy king beds?" I REALLY liked the bed back in Florida.

He laughs. "I think that can be arranged."

"Are you keeping the pool table?" It's my favorite thing about Phil's current house. Some people like big kitchens, I like to hustle. That's what Phil calls it anyway. Winning his money is fun, and his table is so much nicer than the one I learned to play on back in the day at the res.

"Yes, Bella, I'm keeping the pool table." He rolls his eyes.

"Okay, then. Having my own room at the new house sounds good." Coming to PA to stay by myself in my mom's house sounds lonely and awful. I'd rather hang out with her and Phil when I'm in town. Besides, it will only be for six months anyway.

We chat for a while longer about the wedding and what Renee is planning. I decide to leave around ten since they're both yawning.

Riley's car is in the lot at his apartment building, but his light is off. I knock lightly on Emily's door. She smiles when she opens it and waves for me to come in.

Sam and Riley are playing _Mortal Kombat_ in the living room. I call winner, and Sam curses. He knows if I get the remote, I'll have it for the rest of the night. I come over here sometimes while I'm waiting on Riley to get home from work, and I've developed a hardcore addiction to this game. I like kicking ass.

We stay for a couple of hours, and I share the game even though I don't want to.

"Do you want to crash?" he asks as we walk slowly across the lawn between their apartments.

I ended up crashing at his place the night we went to the show in Olympia. It was almost three in the morning when we finally made it back, and I was just too damn tired to make the drive back to Forks. He was a perfect gentleman, offering his bed to me and taking the couch. As tired as I was, I couldn't sleep until I locked the bedroom door, ensuring I would wake up alone. I've seen wolves in sheep's clothing before.

Now that I know him a little better, it seems silly.

"I think I'll go to Mom's, but thanks for the offer. Look," I tell him, pausing at the bottom of his stairs. "School is going to be starting in a couple of weeks, and I won't be able to hang out as much."

"God, I keep forgetting you're in high school." He laughs, and I kind of want to punch him. "Don't get mad. It's a compliment." He kicks the tip of his Converse against my own. "I can come to Forks."

"Do you want to die?"

He laughs until he figures out that I'm not joking. Charlie would straight up shoot a twenty-two year old guy for showing up and trying to hang out with me. "You can't have guy friends?"

"I can't have twenty-two year old guy friends."

"You can in a month." He leans in and grins.

God, how does he do that? He says the most infuriating things. And I like them. It drives me nuts.

"Maybe after my birthday," I agree, turning to leave. "See ya later."

"Do you want me to follow you home?"

"Nah, I'm good." I don't need a babysitter.

"Well, at least call me when you get there."

Absolutely infuriating. He forgets that I'm in high school, but he has no problem treating me like I'm a child.

-o-

Senior year starts without much fanfare. Leah slides easily into Mike's old position as editor of the yearbook. Jasper and Alice are still disgusting. And Carmen announces that instead of college, she's going to a cosmetology school in Port Angeles and working part-time at Louise's next year. It hurts at first, but I get it.

Everyone seems to be figuring their shit out. Everyone but me. I have no idea where to go to school now or a clue what I should major in.

The only thing I do know is that I'm totally getting a tattoo on my birthday.

All of us want one, and one night, while stoned, we decided we should get matching ones that don't really match. Our first initials and something symbolic of our friendship. We're all feeling the strain of the future prematurely.

Riley recommends a shop two blocks away from the mall. Leah and I are going first and then Alice and Carmen will get theirs in the spring when they both turn eighteen. Jasper draws rough sketches that Leah and I carry with us when we walk into the shop two weeks before my birthday.

The Misfits are blaring over the store speakers and every inch of the wall is covered in framed flash. Huge photo albums line the counter. A chick with a barbell through her septum and a bona fide Mohawk asks if we have preferences on our artists.

"I want Camilla," I say quickly, beating Leah to the punch.

Mr. Berty overheard our plans to come to this shop, and he mentioned that she worked here. I knew then that it was fate. I'm meant to be inked.

Leah gives me a dirty look as Mohawk girl leaves us to go and get Camilla. I have no sympathy. I called it first. She can get over it.

Camilla recognizes me immediately and smiles. She's added an eyebrow piercing since the last time I saw her. It makes my _couple crush _on her and Mr. Berty a little worse than it already was. He's such a hot fucking geek, and she's just…badass. It's a weird combination, but it works.

She loves the design but asks if she can make it a little more feminine. Maybe a little sexy. She's like the coolest chick ever, so I give her permission to do whatever she wants to it.

Leah is having a similar discussion with some hottie named Dave. He's got sleeves down both arms, and he's hardcore flirting with her.

When Camilla turns to pencil me in, I notice the deep blue tips of the spiked section of her hair.

"Do you remember the name of that shade of blue?"

"Sure," she says, flipping over a business card and writing it down.

I take the card and hand over my cash deposit. "Bella, I hope you're not seriously considering the blue," Leah says.

"It matches the bridesmaid dress Renee picked out. It is THE perfect color."

"She will shit herself. On her wedding day, B. That's just not cool."

"I'm going to ask her first, idiot. If she says no, I'll dye it the day after. No biggie."

I don't really remember the last time I was this excited about something. The days drag on and on. I drive Riley crazy asking him questions about the pain. When he finally replies that women and men probably have different levels of pain tolerance, I bitch face him until he gives me a real answer.

The cruelest part is that my birthday is on a Monday. I have to suffer through an entire week of school before I can even get the damn thing because I really can't go on a school night.

Riley seemed disappointed when I told him I wasn't coming to the Port to celebrate today, but I refuse to attach any more baggage to my birthday. He's been patient, but we both know it's time to move things along. Now that I'm officially eighteen, the last _real _obstacle has been removed.

Still. I can't let him kiss me on my birthday. I just can't.

So I spend my afternoon stoned in Forks, watching _Singles _because that's the closest I will ever get to a three-way with Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell.

The girls and Jasper show up with take-out from the diner, cake, and ice cream. Charlie surprises me by coming home early from work. I take pictures of them eating and teasing. Charlie's grin. Jasper and Alice being disgusting. I even let them take a few pictures of me.

Camilla is relaxed and smiling when I show up for my appointment on Friday night. I'm nervous. Sick nervous. I hate needles. This was a bad idea. I should wait until I'm thirty. They'll probably laser tattoos on painlessly by then.

"Relax, Bella. I have a light hand," she laughs. "You can take a smoke break if you need one."

Leah looks a little nervous too as she watches Dave get his gun ready. "We may take you up on that."

The shop has private rooms in the back for more _personal _tattoos, but I'd rather sit out here with Leah. She agrees. If we're going to be maimed, we may as well do it together.

I love the girly touches Camilla has added to the stencil of the rough sketch Jasper drew. A blue cursive B with a green four leaf clover whose stem wraps, hugging the letter, curled in and out of sight.

Leah's stencil is a bit larger than mine since she's having hers placed between her shoulder blades. A large, green L with four lady bugs crawling on the stem.

We've both decided to get ours in places that can be covered. She wants to be a lawyer so she already knows she can't have tattoos hanging out all over the place. I have no idea what I want to do for a living, but I'd like to be able to cover it if necessary so I'm sticking it on the back of my neck. It's the perfect place for a small tattoo.

A small tattoo that hurts like hell.

After what seems like an eternity of the equivalent of someone hacking on my neck with a razor blade, Camilla finally finishes, and I'm not too proud to admit that I sag in relief and exhale when she's done. It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be, but OUCH.

After work on Saturday, I finally make my way to Riley's. Putting it off any longer would just be childish. I may legally be an adult now, but I'm still the same kid I was a week ago when it comes down to it, and I'm nervous.

He's sitting on the bottom step in front of his apartment with the newspaper spread across his lap. He stands and folds it before shoving it into his back pocket.

"Happy Birthday," he says as he leans in for a hug. "_Dazed and Confused _is playing at the movie theater. Do you want to check it out?"

I have to wonder if it's full of Zeppelin music. And if it is, will I be okay? I don't listen to Zeppelin or Floyd. Ever.

Jesus. It's just a movie. "Sounds good. Can we do dinner first?"

I haven't had a slice of ultimate cheese in over a year, so I suggest Pam's. He grabs an envelope from the glove compartment before we get out of his car. After we place our order, I hit the jukebox. He hates the song "Free Bird" more than he hates Pearl Jam, so I play it and "Evenflow" just for fun.

"I should keep these," he teases after I'm seated across from him at the table. Slowly he waves the envelope in front of me.

I know it's a birthday card, but he said _these _and I'm not sure what he meant by that. Keeping my cool and pretending to be uninterested is hard. I'm interested as hell.

When I extend my hand, he smiles and gives up the envelope. I take the time to read the front, but when I open it, two concert tickets fall into my hand.

Pearl Jam tickets for December. Really good seats too.

"You hate Pearl Jam."

"You don't. I thought you might want to take Alice since, you know." He shrugs. "I can trade cars with my mom for a couple of days and drive us all to Seattle. I've got friends there I can hang out with while you two go to the show."

I have to admit that it sounds fun. "Thank you."

"Come on," he says, helping me from my seat. "We should go."

The movie is great except for the assholes running around with the paddle. They make me think of Royce and Ben and all the other shitty people at PAH. We share popcorn and sip from the same straw, and midway through the movie I realize this is starting to feel more and more like a real date.

And, strangely, I'm okay with it.

"Favorite Zep song?" he asks during the drive back to his apartment.

I should have known this was coming. So far, music has been a safe way for him to get to know me. "Gallows Pole."

He glances at me quickly before turning back to the road. "That's an odd choice," he says.

"It's the music, not the lyrics." I light a joint and crack the window. If I'm going to talk about this, I need to be stoned. "If you close your eyes, you can _feel _the whole song building and twisting. Pounding. The hurdy gurdy sounds medieval, but then you have this banjo and…" I've had this conversation before. But I didn't have to try so hard to explain it then.

"And?"

"It's just a good song. I don't really listen to Zeppelin much anymore, so it doesn't matter anyway."

He's quiet for the rest of the drive back to his place. Sam and Emily wave from their normal smoking perches, but Riley keeps walking until we reach his door. I follow him into the apartment, turning on lights as I walk. He stops in the kitchen.

"Do you want a beer?" he asks, staring into the fridge.

"No, I'm good." The last thing I need to be is drunk.

He pulls one out, twists the cap, and takes a long swig before he closes the refrigerator door. "Music?" he asks.

"Sure." Serious Riley is making me nervous. Normally, he smiles and flirts and talks nonstop. I don't know what to do with this quiet.

He walks over to the crate closest to his stereo, flips through records, and turns, holding up "The Wall."

"Who was he?" His quiet words are curious and thoughtful. Not mean or jealous like I would feel if I thought I was sharing him with someone else. "You don't ever let me play Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd. Tonight? You opened that card and saw those Pearl Jam tickets, and you looked like you were going to cry. Not in the good way I was hoping for either." He sighs, dropping the record back into the crate. "I just want to know who it is I'm up against, Bella. I can wait, and I don't mind fighting for you, but I don't know how to compete with a memory."

He couldn't even if he tried. Maybe I should tell him that and cut him loose. It would be the right thing to do. But before I can make up my mind, he walks over to me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. "Just give me a chance," he whispers.

Run away. Or stay. Run away. Or stay.

I stay. I stay, and I let him kiss me, and when I leave to go home a while later, I try not to beat myself up for liking it.

-o-

The hardest part of actually dating Riley is trying to figure out how much I want him to know me. He talks easily about his family. His bio dad split when he was three years old. A few years later, his mother married the man he considers his real dad. His older sister is a flight attendant for US Air. Her husband is a pilot, and they live in Philadelphia. And he loves his grandma more than anything. He doesn't say it, but I can tell from the way he talks about her. They're a very close-knit bunch.

It's harder for me to talk about my own family, but not nearly as hard as it was a couple of years ago. When I tell him my mom is marrying Phil Dwyer, he freaks out completely. Turns out he's a big fan.

So when Phil offers me two tickets to a Halloween themed fundraiser for the shelter, I accept. I also accept Renee's invitation to have dinner with them beforehand.

Riley and I arrive a few minutes early and check-in with the hostess. We're already seated and he has a beer in hand by the time they finally show up. My mother notices the beer immediately, and her eyes narrow as I introduce them.

Phil apologizes to Riley as he shakes his hand. "Sorry we're late. My team captain had to have an emergency appendectomy late last night. We stopped by the hospital for a quick visit."

Riley hangs on his every word, but I'm still stuck on the part about someone from the team having surgery.

"That's McCarty, right?" Riley's words confuse me even more.

"You know Emmett?" I ask him.

"I've met him once or twice at Sam's. He comes around sometimes with Sam's little brother Elliot."

"Is he okay?" This time I'm asking my mother and Phil.

They both nod and the conversation continues and shifts until it turns into an interrogation. My mother is far more interested in Riley than Emmett's missing appendix. She grills him up one side and down the other. Especially when she finds out he dropped out of school.

He takes it all in stride and tells them about some of the jobs he's had over the last couple of years.

When it's time for us to leave, I tell Renee and Phil that we'll be a few minutes behind them. She smiles and says that's fine.

"Can we stop by the hospital before the carnival?" I ask him as soon as we're in the car.

He looks at me with raised brows but nods as he starts the car.

I make him stop at Walgreens so I can get some candy for Emmett. Not that he can eat it yet. It's more of a peace offering.

"Do you mind waiting out here while I go in?" I ask Riley in the parking lot of the hospital after he cuts the engine. "I'm not really sure how this is gonna go."

I'm sure Rosalie is in there, and the Volvo is parked three spots down from ours. I might not even make it in to see Emmett if his family stops me.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"I let some things in my life end badly. Emmett was my friend and I treated him like shit."

He nods slowly. "Take your time."

I've been taking my time for far too long I realize with each step closer to the building. But it's hard to look at the ugly parts of myself and not want to run away from it all.

Esme is the first person I see. She steps around Emmett's dad and walks until she's hugging me. It happens that fast. Then she's leaning back with her fingers in my hair, telling me how good it looks and how much I've grown.

She asks about school and the girls as she gives Carlisle a nod I don't understand. He disappears down one of the long halls. I answer her questions and ask about the business. She has a full staff now and rental space downtown.

I feel Edward approaching before I see him, and it's a good thing. Because nothing could have prepared me for how good he looks, but knowing it was coming helps.

He's taller than I remember with perfectly fuzzy man arms and legs now. His crazy hair has grown back and it licks the edges of his Mariners ball cap. And fuck me if he isn't scruffy. Damn.

His eyes are cautious but his grin is absolutely disarming.

"He's in one twenty one," he says, jerking his head in the direction I should take.

"Thanks." It isn't much, but these are the most civil words we've spoken in ages. Maybe our battle is over.

I knock on the right door when I find it and moments later, Rosalie walks out without a word or a glance in my direction. She leaves it wide open for me. All I have to do is walk through it.

Emmett is sitting up in a pale blue hospital gown with a thick white blanket covering his waist. Thank goodness. Even in the bed, he looks huge.

"Did you get tired of hanging out at the nursing home with your old-ass boyfriend?" he asks quietly as I close the door.

"It's better than slumming at the tanning bed."

I relax when he finally smiles. It's the sign I needed, and it makes walking across the room so much easier. He reaches for the paper sack when I hold it out to him.

"I know you can't eat it now, but I thought maybe when you're feeling better you could snack." He moves the candy around in the bag, checking out the assortment.

"What are you doing here, Bella?"

He has no idea. No clue how much I care about him. How much I've missed him.

"I kept waiting for the perfect moment to try to fix this." I wave my hand between us. "But hearing you were in the hospital kinda freaked me out. And I'm tired of letting my life pass me by while I sit around waiting.

"The last time I saw you, you saved my ass. That wasn't the first time either. You told Renee I left school to keep me out of trouble. And I repaid you by being a complete and total bitch and ignoring you." He's staring at his lap, and I don't know him well enough to read him anymore. "Everything hurt, Emmett. Breathing. Walking. Eating. Sleeping. Even you."

"Do you still blame me?"

"No. I never did. Not really." I sit down carefully on the edge of the bed. "I blame a lot of people, but you're not one of them. Your girlfriend is, and I'll never be her friend. Never. But I'd like to be yours." If he tells me to fuck off, I will. That's what I deserve. But it's not what I want. I want my friend back. "I'm so sorry for ditching you."

"You weren't the only person who got hurt. You should thank Edward. He's the one who told me to get Renee. He would've done it himself, but he was busy puking his guts up all over the school parking lot."

Stunned silent, I stare at the floor, wondering if I'll ever understand what really happened back then.

"I had no idea," I tell him.

"We all hurt people, Bella. I have a lot of regrets about the way shit went down. But damn. You were my girl." He puts the bag on the table next to his bed, refusing to meet my gaze. "I had to hear from your mom that you were at Forks. And I can't even tell you what it felt like listening to some asshole brag about knocking around my best friend."

"He didn't-"

"I KNOW he didn't. I know it now, but I didn't know it then because you never said a fucking word to me. Even when I blamed Jake, you stayed quiet."

"I wish I could change that, Em. I really do."

"Yeah, well, Rose wishes she could change some of the things she did too. I love you, Bella, but I love her too and none of us are perfect."

Great. Emmett is never easy. The one time he falls for a chick, it has to be the most awful one in the state of Washington.

"I'm not asking you to choose," I assure him. "After what happened with Carmen, I would never put you in that situation. I just want us to be cool again."

"I don't know," he says, shaking his head. "I think I'm going to have to torture you before I fully forgive you." He folds his arms across his chest. "I'm going to be on my ass for a few days when I get out of here with nothing to do but watch movies." I grimace. "We can catch up over _Boyz n the Hood _and at least one Segal movie and see what happens."

I groan. "Why do you want to make us both cry, Emmett?"

"You know it's my favorite movie."

I _didn't_ know it was still his favorite movie, but knowing that some things haven't changed is a relief. "I'll call you," I promise.

"You'd better because I'm not calling you." He's grinning a little, but he's serious.

Rosalie and Edward are down the hall having some kind of quiet argument and since I'm done running away, I lift my chin and walk right by them.

"How nice of you to grace him with your presence," she says loudly after I've passed.

"Rosalie," Edward cuts in.

The familiarity of her name on his lips bothers the shit out of me. It makes me angry that even after all this time, and considering what I have waiting for me in the parking lot, I still hate her.

I hate her because she has that connection to him after helping sever my own. Even if they're only friends, she has that piece of him and I don't. It's the part of him I miss the most.

"Emmett and I had this discussion already and quite frankly, it's none of your goddamn business, Rosalie. I haven't forgotten your role in all of this." I'd love nothing more than to lay this bitch out on the floor, but I'm eighteen now, and I could live without going to jail, so I keep my distance from her physically. "And I'll never forgive it."

She huffs and mashes her lips together before turning on her heel and stalking away. Good riddance.

"She's right about one thing," Edward says quietly. "He does miss you."

"I'm going to do better," I assure him. "We made plans."

"That's good." He cups the back of his neck with his hand, and I swallow, remembering the exact way it felt to have that same hand on my own neck. "Look, Bella, I shouldn't have said that stuff about your mom. And I never should have yelled at you the way I did-"

"Stop." I hold up one hand, cutting him off. "You were right. About a lot of things. I shouldn't have left the way I did. That day…in the parking lot," I clarify. Looking him in the eye is the hardest thing I've ever done. "I think somewhere in the middle of it all, I forgot to be your friend. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Royce. Or Ben. God, I'm so fucking sorry for that. I had my reasons but none of them really matter anymore.

"We were friends before anything else." I give his words back to him. "And I'm not telling you this out of jealousy or anything other than genuine concern. Angela was the one who said Irina was all over you at Pam's. She always mentioned you being around other girls. She called me to tell me she saw you out with Heidi. She even called me so she could ask me about Maggie." The moment I say Maggie's name, he looks away.

_He slept with her_.

I suspected as much, but knowing still stings. At least I know what he was doing in Seattle.

"Angela isn't who you think she is," I tell him. The word "unstable"comes to mind, but I swallow it because I want him to take me seriously.

"Thanks for the warning," he says, smiling just a little. "You don't have to worry about it. Angela pretty much hates my guts these days."

"Oh." I'm not really sure what to say about that. He doesn't seem upset about it. In fact, he looks amused. "Well, that's good. For you, I mean. I hope you didn't…" God. If he was her first, I'll have to drive home and use Charlie's spare set of cuffs to shackle myself to my bed to keep from killing her.

"No." His cheeks are pink. "Thank Christ. She's a little crazy." I don't know why he's embarrassed. He should be jumping for joy.

"I'm late," I tell him, thumbing over my shoulder. "Phil has a thing tonight." I pause, not sure how to end this. Do we just say bye and walk away?

"I'm glad you came. It's really good to see you, Bella."

"You, too." It hurts, but not the way it did. Not enough to make me wish it never happened.

"So, I'll see you at the wedding?"

"I'll be there."

We part ways at the waiting room door. I keep walking, and he disappears to find his family. I'm not exactly sure what just happened, but that's okay.

Nothing will ever make our past disappear, but I'm hopeful for the first time that maybe we can work around it. Maybe, with time, we can at least be friends again.

-o-

**A/N- Everybody okay? **

**To every single person who said "Hey, I get it" about Riley or something similar…Thank you. Growing up is hard. It isn't a fairy tale.**

**To the peeps who said "I never did drugs, but I decided to give this story a shot anyway" or something similar, thank you. My sis has never touched (illegal) drugs either. She's never even touched a cigarette and didn't get drunk until she was 17 (and that happened at her older sister's house ;)). **

**I am trying to beat the normal two-week update thing, really I am. Part of the next chapter was written before this story ever really started, so hopefully it will go a little quicker this time. **

**Thanks for reading, pimping, and, well, thanks for caring about these kids. **

**See you next time!**

**-MSC**


	24. Chapter 24

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a torn ticket stub from a Pearl Jam concert that I went to in 1994. My best friend and I froze our asses off, in the dark, waiting to be the first ones in line at Piggly Wiggly (a southern grocery store chain) to buy tickets from a Ticket Master outlet. Yeah, I'm THAT old. **

**M and mugglemom08 rocked the pre-reading. And mugglemom08 took time from her vacation to do it. Thank you, hon. Any mistakes are mine. **

**The Olympic Lodge is not the same "Lodge" mentioned in Twi (located in Forks). It's located in Port Angeles and looks pretty darn fancy in pictures. If you ignore the big red logo. **

Chapter 24

_There's nothing like you and I, baby_

_This is no ordinary love_  
><em>No ordinary love<em>  
><em>This is no ordinary love<em>  
><em>No ordinary love<em>

_(No Ordinary Love- Sade)_

_-o-_

Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing. I never really thought about Riley working in the mall until I decided to bring him dinner as a surprise. Girls are all over him. Older girls. Prettier girls. Preppy girls seem to like him even more than the freaky girls do.

And there is no way in hell this many young chicks need birthday cards.

"It's always busy on Saturdays, Bella, and it's the weekend before Thanksgiving. You work in retail. You know this," he teases after I complain.

"Whatever."

"Thanks for bringing dinner." He walks with me to the exit of the store. "Are you going to hang around tonight or go back to Forks?"

"I'm meeting Emmett for a movie. You should be home by the time it ends."

He grins as he leans in for a kiss with his hand on my hip. "See you in a couple of hours."

Emmett is waiting in the parking lot of the movie theater when I arrive. We get tickets, popcorn, and Spree before settling in our seats.

"What does Rosalie think about us hanging out?"

"She knows our friendship is important to me." He shifts a little in his seat, probably thinking about the ass chewing I'm sure she gave him.

"I bet she loves that."

"Bella," he sighs.

"I'm sorry." I really am sorry for being an asshole, but I hate the girl. "So, no wild parties tonight?" Old Emmett would be out getting his drunk on and crackin' like a pimp on a Saturday night.

"We don't party much anymore. Rose isn't exactly Miss Popular, and Edward studies all the time. It's like he's married to his fucking desk. I guess it works out though, since he and Rose can barely manage five minutes in the same room together."

"I thought they were friends." It looked like they were good friends at the playhouse.

"They were okay for a while for my sake, but after she told us about the Royce thing and her part in it, he pretty much told her to fuck off and die." He winces. "I was pretty pissed off too, and I wasn't sure if we were going to make it. It doesn't help that my whole family hates her. My mom thinks she's fake. Edward thinks she's a bitch. It's so much shit all the time."

Karma. Fuck Rosalie Hale. I feel bad for Emmett because I can see it hurts him. But fuck Rosalie. A little, nasty part of me is glad his family doesn't like her. Especially Edward. Getting rid of her would be the best thing Emmett could do, but he'll have to realize that on his own. I just hope he doesn't get hurt too badly in the process.

"What about you?" he asks. "How does your boyfriend feel about you hanging out with another guy?"

"He's cool. I hang out with Sam sometimes when Emily and Riley are working, and he never seems to have a problem with it. Older guys are different."

"Hmph."

People shush us when the lights go down. Jeez. It's _Robocop 3, _not_ Gone with the Wind. _It's awful. Absolutely terrible. Rosalie should thank me for sitting through this garbage in her stead.

When I get to Riley's, he's on the phone. I can tell from his side of the conversation that he's talking to his mother. "Yeah, she just walked in." He looks at me and waves. "I'll ask her right now." He pushes the mouth piece of the phone against his chest. "My mom wants to know if you can come to Thanksgiving dinner."

"Does your family serve turkey and dressing?"

He looks at me like I'm insane. "Of course they do. Who doesn't eat turkey and dressing on Thanksgiving?"

I laugh. "Nevermind. Dinner sounds good."

Charlie is working again this year, so I'll spend the morning with Renee and Phil and have dinner with Riley. And his family.

"Will your sister be there?" I ask after he ends the call and joins me on the couch.

I think I'm more nervous about meeting her than I am his mother. He looks up to her, and I really want her to like me. When we first started seeing each other, she had a problem with our age difference.

"Yeah. She and Jim are working one of the inbound flights from Seattle on Wednesday. They'll jumpseat home to Philly Saturday night." He leans in close and pulls me underneath him. "Can we please stop talking about Vickie? There are much better ways," he pauses, kissing my neck. "To spend our time."

I can't argue. There are much better ways to spend our time. Once I got it out of my head that I was cheating or doing something wrong, getting physical became much easier. We've had a couple of conversations about my hang up with the sex thing. It was embarrassing to admit that my relationships always seem to go to shit when sex enters the equation.

He seems to have made it a personal challenge to show me all the ways he can make me feel good without actually having sex.

Thanksgiving with his family is relaxed and easy. They eat at a dining room table, but they aren't formal at all. His parents and grandparents tell stories, and Vickie strikes up a conversation with me almost immediately. We talk about different bands, and she tells me about some of the celebrities she has met while working as a flight attendant. It sounds like a nice gig.

After dinner, Riley and I sit outside on the back porch with Vickie and Jim. She offers me a clove cigarette, and I accept. These are hard to get in small towns in the Pacific Northwest.

"So Grandma told me she'll be done with treatments by late spring," she tells Riley. "What are your plans?"

"I haven't really thought about it," he replies, tightening his grip on my hand.

I haven't really thought about it either. I've been so focused on college applications and school that I haven't given anything else much thought lately. And I certainly haven't cooked up any notions that Riley and I will stay together once I leave for school.

"There are about twenty customer service reps retiring from the ticket counter over the next six months. With your management experience and Jim's recommendation, you're guaranteed an interview."

"Unlimited flight benefits like you guys?" he asks.

He's going to do it. He loves seeing the country one city at a time. It would be the perfect job for someone like him. A ticket to fly.

He may be asking questions, and he may seem uncertain, but his grip on my hand is loosening by the minute. He might not know it yet, but I do. He'll do whatever it takes to get a job like that. And he should.

Who knows? Maybe he'll use one of those free tickets to come and visit me wherever I end up. I can't imagine not being his friend anymore when we both decide to grow up and move on.

He's quiet when I climb onto his high school bed and sit next to him. This is the first time we'll actually be sleeping together in the same bed. His sister and Jim are in the room right next to this one, and his parents are just down the hall.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm not a cuddler, and he knows this. When we're not making out, I like my space. Trying to snuggle up now would be forced and weird, but so is drawing an imaginary boundary line across the bed.

He turns on his side and props himself up on his elbow. "You could come, you know?" He looks serious, but I don't know how he could be. "You could apply too. I can get one of them to put a word in for you."

"What about school?" Do my plans not even matter? Okay. Maybe I don't have any solid plans, but school is in my future. I just don't know which school.

"College is overrated, Bella. It's a total waste of time and money. Trust me, I've been there. This is a good job with good pay and benefits. Why go to school when you could have that without it?"

"Because it's something I want to do."

He shakes his head. "There are schools in Philly, and I think Vickie said I would get six passes a year for friends. You're always talking about getting away from here. We could go anywhere."

"I don't know," I tell him. "I haven't made any firm decisions yet about next year."

Leah decided recently to apply at University of Portland in addition to UW. If UW doesn't offer her a scholarship that covers a dorm, she'll go to Portland and live with her grandparents so she can save money for law school.

So Flagler is back on the table. UW with Mike and Jasper for a year is also an option. Jasper even mentioned sharing an apartment in Seattle. Alice can join us when she's done in Mississippi. I've been stuck in decision limbo, begging the universe to send me some kind of sign.

"At least think about it," he says, settling down onto the pillow.

I think about it and even bring it up to my parents. Renee isn't happy, but she recommends Drexler University. She makes me promise to apply to other schools too. Even UW. She also tells me not to make any commitments until the very last possible moment.

What a huge fucking vote of confidence.

Charlie looks at me like I'm an idiot and tells me flat out that I can forget any type of college money if I decide to go to Philadelphia. He's never even met Riley, and he hates his guts.

Things get worse when I tell him that I'm skipping two days of school to go to the Pearl Jam concert in Seattle. It doesn't matter to him that Alice is coming too. The only thing that matters is my older, hoodlum, college dropout boyfriend who spirits off young, dumb girls to Seattle and Philadelphia.

I've never, ever fought with Charlie before in my life, but I completely lose my cool. I yell at him for ten minutes, reminding him that I had perfect attendance for my entire junior year. Then I tell him that occasions don't get more special than this. When that doesn't work, I tell him that I'm legally an adult, and if I wanted to move in with Alice, I could. But all I'm really asking for is permission to go to a concert with her.

He gives it. He isn't happy about it, and at first, I don't care. But when he goes the entire week before the concert without speaking to me, I care a lot. It makes me feel awful.

"Dad, please don't be mad," I beg him over breakfast Monday morning. "It's just a concert."

"NOW it's just a concert, but you're skipping school and talking about running off with this jerk next summer. You barely know the guy, Bella."

"Jesus Christ, Dad. Do you expect me to stay here forever?" I push away from the table. "I can't sit around here watching the people I care about leave me. I'm not you."

It's a horrible thing to say. I want to take it back the moment the words leave my mouth. Charlie is the last person I would want to hurt, and I went straight for his gut.

He dumps his remaining coffee into the sink and leaves the room without a word. The slamming of the front door is his only goodbye.

Alice plays They Might Be Giants for the entire drive to Seattle in an effort to cheer me up. By the time Riley drops us off in front of the Seattle Center Arena, I'm stoked. Charlie and I can work our shit out later. I may never get to do anything like this again. There's an even greater chance that I won't get a chance to share something like this with Alice ever again.

I've never been so thankful for combat boots in all my life. There isn't any way to be still at a show like this. We stay on our feet, moving with the crowd on the floor, passing joints with strangers, and screaming until we are hoarse. We hold our lighters in the air for "Black" and scream _Encore_ just like everyone else until they turn the lights on and force us to leave.

Charlie's mood worsens as the days pass. It takes a while for me to figure out that I'm only part of the problem. The newspaper runs a story about Mom and Phil's upcoming wedding, and Charlie spends the following two days working double shifts.

My grandfather agreed to fly in the weekend before the wedding as long as he could stay at Phil's house while he's in town. He said he needed to discuss some business with Renee before the wedding, and he wanted to meet Phil.

It's strange sitting across the table from a stranger who was such a big part of my life when I was a kid. I can remember being squeezed in between him and Charlie on fishing boats and freezing my ass off but being so excited that I didn't mind the cold. Then Gran died, and he was gone.

His voice hasn't changed, and he's shorter than I remember, but he still smells the same. Like pomade, Halston, and cigarette smoke. His stories haven't changed either, but now he gets names and dates confused, and he seems to lose his train of thought occasionally.

Renee is unbelievably calm the afternoon of the big day. Way calmer than I am. I don't even have to say anything, and I'm already feeling pukey.

"You weren't kidding," she says as she watches Carmen curl, pull, and twist on my hair. "The blue really does match the dress."

Carmen smiles. "It's perfect," she says. She's the one who colored it for me, of course. She toned it down some by dyeing small, evenly spaced strips of hair instead of large stripes this time. It mixes with the dull brown and gives it a little life.

I wasn't really sure if Renee would want my hair in an updo, but she doesn't seem to care that people will see my tattoo. And she appears to genuinely like the hair color too. It's a little weird.

All Hell breaks loose two hours before the wedding when the front desk delivers a message from Mr. Cooper, the band director at PAH. He was supposed to play the piano, but he ate some bad sushi for lunch and he's stuck on the toilet. Renee manages not to freak out entirely, but she tells me to find Phil and deliver instructions for him to fix it.

"What does she mean 'fix it?'" he asks when I find him in the ballroom.

"She means find someone to play the piano."

"I have two hours, Bella. Not even, considering the photographer should be here any minute to start taking pictures. What does she expect me to do?"

"She expects you to fix it. She and my dad got married at the J-O-P. She wants the real deal this time around."

"I'm screwed."

Esme and the photographer walk into the ballroom at the same time. "Ask them if they know anyone who could fill in." It's his best shot at this point. "I have to get back upstairs before Mom comes looking for me. The way this day is going, I'm afraid she might bump right into you and I think that shit is supposed to be bad luck or something." I feel kind of bad for ditching Phil mid-crisis, but I need Carmen to finish my make-up before picture time.

Renee and I pose outside in the freezing cold for a few pictures in front of the rock fountain. Then we warm up during a round of fireplace shots. Esme's employees are busy setting up the reception area as we pose in front of the decorated Christmas tree. I try not to, I really do, but I can't help looking for Angela. If she's here, I'd rather know it than be caught off guard.

There isn't any sign of her. I don't know if I should feel relieved or disappointed over her absence. It's probably for the best that she isn't here. There are a few words I'd like to give her. Outside.

Grandpa shows up looking dapper in a black tuxedo. His midnight blue vest and bowtie match my dress. And my hair. After posing for a few pictures with us, he disappears to find Phil and some other "menfolk" to hang around with.

Renee and I make our way back up to the suite we've been hanging out in all day. She does a lipstick check in the bathroom as I try not to freak out or pace. Pacing might make her nervous. If she thinks I'm going to freak out, she'll freak out. So I try not to think about the fact that roughly a hundred people will be watching me tonight.

She comes out of the bathroom with a small, wrapped gift in hand.

"What's this?" I ask as she places it in my hand.

"A small wedding party gift." She watches as I tear the paper away and open the small blue box. "Every woman should have a nice pair of diamond earrings," she says softly.

They're perfect. Small, but elegant. Understated, but sparkly. Just perfect.

"Thank you." I try to hug her as gently as possible so I don't wrinkle her dress or mine or tangle our bobby pins.

"You didn't do that for the longest time, you know. Florida was the first time you've hugged me since you were a little girl." She looks away. "Since I left." I watch as she takes the earrings from the box and steps closer. "Thank you for doing this. Thank you for giving Phil a shot. I know you didn't want to." She grins, and I stand still as she puts the new earrings in for me.

"Meh. He's not so bad," I tease.

"Sometimes I think you like him more than you do me." It's the first time I've ever heard a waver in her voice. She's always so sure of herself. Perfect and confident. But, in this moment, she's not. "When you moved back to Forks to live with Charlie, I thought I'd lost you for good. But I really didn't know what else to do. You were in bad shape, Bella, and I thought getting you away from Port Angeles was the best thing for you."

"I like Phil just fine, Mom, but I love you." I don't even remember the last time I said those words to her. And she's right. I was in bad shape.

"I love you, too. I hope you know that." She squeezes my hand with her own. "If you need me to talk to Charlie about Philadelphia, just let me know. I hope you will really think about it before you make a decision. This isn't like choosing a color to match a dress, Bella." The fingertips of her other hand brush against my hair.

"It's just a possibility, Mom."

Grandpa's arrival saves me. Or, in this case, dooms me. It's time.

I didn't realize until the rehearsal last night that I would be walking in alone. I'll walk out with Mr. Leonard, but I have to get there on my own. And I have to do it in front of a hundred people.

This pretty much solidifies it. I'm never getting married. Not like this. You have to talk to get hitched, and there's no way I could do it in front of a crowd like this.

The wedding coordinator shoves me through the door as the piano music begins. I guess Phil found someone to play. Being loaded has its advantages. I use Phil as a focal point. It helps me ignore the stupid heels I'm walking in, the crowds on either side of me, and the photographer's assistant as he steps into the aisle momentarily to take my picture.

I should have found a way to hit the pipe before the ceremony.

People whisper, Phil smiles, and I try to remember to walk and not run. I can hear Alice and Carmen giggling as I pass them. Assholes.

I stop short when I finally reach the front of the room. Rosalie Hale is behind the piano. Phil clears his throat and gives me a look. We discussed the possibility of me freaking out or puking because of the stage fright thing, and he looks like he's afraid I'm going wig out at any moment.

And I could. But shit. They needed a piano player. Evidently, she plays piano.

I smile and move into my spot. Phil looks me over, checking to make sure I'm okay. I use the bouquet of white roses in my hand to shield a tiny thumbs-up sign for him. He relaxes a little and turns his attention back to the door.

People stand when Renee and Grandpa enter the room. Rosalie plays piano, and I catch a quick glimpse of Carmen wiping a tear from her cheek. She is such a sucker for stuff like this. Jasper, Brent, and Riley look bored to tears already.

The ceremony only takes about twenty minutes which is a blessing. I spend the entire time trying not to look out into the audience. The one time I slip up, I do it royally. I'm not really shocked to find Edward looking at me. The little smile he gives me is more of a surprise.

I smile too but duck my head a little to stare at the flowers in my hand and silently vow not to let my eyes wander over to the groom's side of the room again.

After the minister pronounces them husband and wife, we exit quickly and follow the photographer for more pictures. I'm starving by the time we join the other wedding guests at the reception.

I try to join in the conversation over dinner, but talk of grass huts in Tahiti make me long for the beach. And watching my mom and Phil and the easy way they get along and adore each other makes me happy and sad at the same time.

Riley heads for the bar as couples take to the dance floor. The girls and I sneak upstairs to kill a quick joint. I feel guilty as I crack the window in the suite, but the chances of getting caught are slim to none. Everyone else is downstairs enjoying the open bar and the dj. Hypocrites. Alcohol fucks people up way more than weed does.

We all had the sense to wear clear mascara, knowing tears were likely, so we squirt Visine in each other's eyes after we smoke. Alice sprays perfume in the room, and we all go for a dab of Patchouli.

We walk down the staircase together. Side by side. All dressed up. All grown up. And stoned out of our wits. Jasper knows it too, because every one of us is grinning and eyeing the wedding cake. Well, until Carmen spots that tall kid she molested at Leah's birthday party. She doesn't even say goodbye, just leaves us standing there.

"Who is that guy anyway?" Alice asks.

"That's Sam's little brother Elliot," Leah answers.

"The pitcher for PA?" This is the guy who replaced Royce. He's tall and lanky. And he's surrounded by a group of PAH players. Carmen doesn't seem to care. The girl has balls. I'll give her that. She pretty much tanked their season two years ago, but if anyone cares, they're not letting it show.

As we watch, Emmett walks up to her with Rosalie in tow. Carmen gives him a half hug but turns her back to Rosalie when he tries to introduce them.

Jasper laughs. "Some things never change," he mutters.

True.

Other things do. Edward is standing close to Elliot, and Carmen actually speaks to him. We can't hear any of the conversation, but they seem to be getting along. It's weird watching my two worlds overlap. I'm kind of glad we snuck upstairs for that joint.

Riley doesn't dance. Or he can't dance. That's what he claims anyway. Brent doesn't dance either. The two of them make permanent camp at the bar with an unlimited free supply of beer. Occasionally, I join them and steal sips from Riley's longnecks when the bartender has his back turned.

Alice teaches us the moves to a line dance she learned from her little sister over the summer. Then she wanders over to the dj and strikes up a conversation with him. While she's gone, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" plays, and Jasper forces me to dance with him. Heaven forbid a hair band song go to waste. He's a good dancer, and he smells nice, so it isn't so bad.

There is a small break for the cake cutting and garter business. The wolf whistles and cat calls are ridiculous, but my mom is a babe, and I wouldn't expect any less. Phil spends a few minutes with his team gathered around him, hugging and congratulating him. There are a few faces I recognize, and some really young ones I don't. All of them look happy.

Some of the older folks leave, but Grandpa hangs around and asks me for a dance. It's an old Patsy Cline song, and he sings the lyrics as he spins me around. "I told Renee that I want you to have the house. I don't want either of you to sell it. Real estate is a good investment. You can rent it out while you're in school for spending money. Consider it a graduation gift from me and your grandmother." He studies my face. "You're so lovely, Bella. You look so much like her."

"Thanks, Grandpa." Poor old dude is getting sentimental.

"You're a good girl, and in case I forget to tell you later, I'm so proud of you."

Renee and Phil talked him into staying at the hotel tonight and offered him a ride to the airport tomorrow morning. They'll be leaving anyway for their honeymoon.

Emmett forces me to dance with him twice as Rosalie chats up my mother and Phil across the room. Carmen and Elliot flirt shamelessly as they dance next to us. He looks sweet. And young. I feel like I should give the poor kid a warning.

My built-in Edward sensor turns out to be a godsend. It helps me keep my distance. I stay as far away from him as possible without being obvious about it. I should talk to him. I know I should. But part of me is worried that our fragile truce might not hold, so I talk to everyone else instead.

When I hear the intro to "No Ordinary Love," I turn for the door. I can't listen to that song. It was a B side selection, but still, it was on the tape. Because he knew I loved it.

I've almost made it to the table, and my Camels are in sight when I hear him behind me.

"Dance with me."

Dammit.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

I've done much more than dance with him to this song.

I want to say no and save what's left of my heart, but I can't keep missing him and shoving him away at the same time.

I turn to face him and smile. And when he starts walking, I don't run. I let him put his left hand on my right hip and when he reaches for my left hand, I let him have it. Our fingers push against each other and then shift and entwine like they have thousands of times before. There are at least six inches between us but none of them matter. All that matters is the way his palm feels against mine.

I hate that I don't know what to say to him.

"So, where are your combat boots?" He's trying to break the tension.

"_Not _wearing them is my wedding gift to Renee."

We both laugh, and it's scary. How good this feels. It is taking every bit of my concentration not to tremble. I don't want to be affected this way. I've spent the last year trying not to think about what it would be like to be in his arms again. Now that I'm here, I don't know how I'll leave.

The distance between us lessens step by tiny little step as the music plays, until his hand slides across my lower back and he pulls our joined hands up between us, resting his knuckles against the skin along my collarbone.

_Jesus. _

"So, where did you and Renee run off to this summer?" He doesn't seem to notice me losing my mind right in front of him.

I'm surprised that he remembers. It never affected him directly, and I only remember telling him about our yearly trips once or twice.

"A cruise to the Bahamas and then St. Augustine."

"And next year?"

He smells so good, and I can feel his stubble against my temple. I can't breathe, let alone answer his question. Until it hits me. I pull back and stare at his lapel.

This might be the last time I ever see him.

I don't look into his eyes. I can't. "We're going to visit a couple of schools in Philadelphia over Spring Break."

"Why?"

"I, uh…" I pause, lick my lips, and pray that I can say this. That I can make the words come out of my mouth and then walk away.

"I'm going to Philadelphia or Florida next year. I haven't decided which." I try to smile but I'm pretty sure that whatever is happening on my face right now is horrific.

He looks so damn confused. "Why? You always planned to go to UW."

His voice is clear and loud as the last notes of music fade. Still gripping my hand, he walks quickly, pulling me through the lobby until we reach the French doors that exit to the back patio.

I recoil as the cold air wraps around me. He turns and takes off his suit jacket before throwing it over my shoulders. His scent is everywhere. Kissing my flesh and invading every single one of my senses. I can almost taste him.

He's close. And he wants an answer. His eyes are relentless, pulling the truth right out of me.

"Riley's sister, Vickie, lives there with her husband. He's moving there too for a job. So I submitted a few applications to schools in Philly. Renee said she would go with me to check it out."

"You're going to live with him." He voice is completely flat.

"There are dorms at the colleges in Philadelphia, and I told you I haven't made a decision."

"You were saying goodbye," he accuses. "At the hospital."

"Stop it," I tell him. "That is not what I was doing. He didn't even ask me until a few weeks ago. I just wanted to apologize at the hospital. That's it. There was no ulterior motive. I don't want to fight anymore." The last thing I want is to fight with him again.

"What about me? When do I get to say I'm sorry, Bella?" he asks. "Every time I tried, you shut me down. You cut me out completely, and fuck, Bella, it hurt. I know I didn't act like it there at the end, but you were my whole world, and I wasn't a very good friend to you either.

"You were the girl everyone wanted. So aloof, so mysterious, with a side of freaky hood. And I heard what they said. 'What in the hell is she doing with him?' I just wanted to be more than the geek with the hot girl. But the more I tried to be who I thought you deserved, the more I seemed to be losing you. You were spending more time in Forks and I figured it was only a matter of time. It never made sense for you to want to be with me."

"All I ever wanted was that boy."

"I know. And being that geeky kid was so much better than being the dumbass that let you slip right through his fingers," he says, head in his hands. "You loved me so much, you cried when I cut my hair. Seeing how unhappy you were in the parking lot that day…knowing I caused it…" He shakes his head. "I was so angry when I found out about what happened with Royce and Ben. I did some really stupid things." He winces and looks away guiltily. "It took me forever to cool off enough to really think about it. At first, I couldn't understand why you did it.

"But when I let myself remember, really remember, it made perfect sense. You did do it for me." I nod as he steps closer. "I tried to stop the gossip, I really did. Emmett did too. But every time we intervened, it got worse. It was my job to take care of you, and I just failed you all the way around.

"I'll always be sorry for that. _Always, _Bella."

One word. It only takes one word to throw my heart and mind into chaos. He steps forward slowly. "I-"

"Bella?" Riley's footsteps echo behind me. He rests his hand on my waist as he leans in to kiss my cheek. "I've been looking everywhere for you. The others are ready to go. Emily and Sam should be home by now, and I talked Phil out of a bottle of the good stuff."

There's a chilled bottle of champagne in his left hand.

"I see," I reply quickly and turn my head in Edward's direction. "Riley, this is Edward. He was nice enough to loan me his jacket so I could catch a smoke." I can't look at either of them as I try not to choke on my lie.

They each step forward until they meet at some imaginary line and extend their arms for an awkward handshake.

"Nice to meet you." Looks like Edward is taking the high road.

"Likewise. You look familiar…"

"Uh, yeah. I think you might live in the same complex as my buddy." Edward shifts, avoiding my gaze.

Riley nods silently. I step up beside them and slide Edward's jacket off. As he reaches to take it from me, his fingers graze mine.

"It was great seeing you, Edward. Thanks for the dance and for the jacket."

His face is completely blank. He blinks and shoves both hands deep into his trouser pockets.

"I hope you'll be happy, Bella." he pauses a moment before adding, "I hear the beaches are beautiful in Florida." He looks Riley in the eye as he says it.

Riley is uncomfortable. The air is thick. And I'm shivering. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and turns us, guiding me into the building and back to the ballroom.

I hug and kiss my mother and Phil. I'm pretty sure that I tell them to have a wonderful honeymoon. Their flight isn't leaving until tomorrow afternoon, but I won't have a chance to see them before they go.

Renee hugs me close and rocks me back and forth as she thanks me over and over again.

I can see the doors from where we are standing, and it takes everything inside me not to make a run for them. The sense of loss I've been fighting since the moment I realized that I might be looking at Edward Cullen for the last time finally sinks in. I glance at the lobby one last time. He's standing in front of the fireplace, watching me.

I wish he would smile. I don't want to take this memory with me as the last one I'll ever have of him. Instead, his face is solemn. Sad. This is nothing like I expected. Jessica and Mike looked happy. I feel like I'm dying, and Edward looks anything but happy.

Riley is only a few steps ahead of me by the time we reach the door. He opens it and ushers me outside. Jasper honks as he drives by us in the parking lot.

We leave Riley's car in the lot since he's in no shape to drive. I stop at every red light and signal for every turn, and for the first time, I try to imagine myself with him in some faraway city. I've already mailed an application to Drexler, but I've never tried to see myself there. Renee's words tumble in my mind.

After parking, I close my eyes. And no matter how hard I try, I can't see anything more than what we are right now.

"I'm not going to Philadelphia," I tell him.

"Is this about that kid?"

"He's three months older than I am, Riley. What does that make me?"

"You know that's not what I meant."

"It isn't about him." It really isn't about Edward this time. "It's about us. I don't see an _us. _I can see myself on the beach in St. Augustine. I can see myself hanging out with Mike and Jasper in Seattle for a while. But no matter how hard I try, I can't see myself with you."

"I get it. Mr. Superjock played you a few Led Zeppelin songs and talked you out of your panties. Then he moved on to greener pastures while you pine away for him. How romantic. She's in love with the boy who broke her heart."

"You're a mean drunk, and you have no idea how far that is from the truth."

"I wouldn't have any idea, would I?" He opens the door, steps out of my truck, and closes it without another word.

It's surprising how easy it is to drive away. He might be angry with me now, but I did us both a favor. I wasn't trying to be cruel. Just honest. With him. With myself.

Walking into Renee's house knowing it's going to be mine is a strange feeling. I think about my grandfather's suggestion. Renting it out would give me an income while I'm in school, and if it rents quickly, I can tell Mr. Newton to shove a canoe up his ass. Mrs. N will still give me glowing recommendations as long as I give her a two-week notice and wait until my last day to let him have it.

I wake up early Sunday morning and make a quick trip to Safeway. The manager gives me permission to take the empty boxes and shipping crates that are out back by the dumpster.

Then I spend the rest of the day taking down posters and packing up my room. Most of my stuff is in Forks, but I have books, music, old diaries, and plenty of other things I don't want my mom or movers to handle. I'd rather do it myself.

On Monday, I venture up to the attic and realize my grandparents may have been packrats. There are boxes stacked everywhere. This will keep me busy until Christmas.

I turn up the album _Vs._ as loud as my stereo will allow and let Pearl Jam keep me company while I work. Some of the stuff is really heavy, and I have to work around it. There are several porcelain dolls in real satin dresses packed away in an old, cedar chest in the corner. Beneath the dolls, there are stacks of envelopes. Some of them are yellowed, but they all have the same markings of foreign postage and military stamps. They're letters my grandfather wrote to my grandmother during World War II. I don't read any of them, but I know I can't throw them away either.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with all of this stuff. Maybe Renee will want to hold on to some of it and eventually give it to me.

Halfway through "Indifference," a strange thumping noise distracts me from the mess that I only seem to be making worse. I pause at the bottom of the stairs to turn the stereo down, and then I wait to see if it happens again.

Three knocks and then the doorbell.

I wish I'd left the music playing. I really don't want to answer the door like this. I'm wearing baggy jeans, a black shirt, and the ugliest red and black Paul Bunyan flannel in the world. There is a colony of dust bunnies hanging out in my hair and the blue bandana I'm using as a headband.

A glance through the peephole eases my worry. It's Emmett, and I don't really care if he sees me like this. He's seen me covered in vomit. It doesn't get much worse than that.

I don't realize he has company until I've already yanked the door open. Edward and Elliot are standing a few feet away from the door.

"Um, hey." Genius. I'm a genius.

"Are you okay?" Emmett asks, looking me over. In fact, they're all looking me over.

"Well, yeah. What's going on?"

"Carmen sent us to check on you. She said you've been missing in action since the wedding. She wants you to call her."

Oh, I'll call her alright. I'm going to call her and cuss her out for sending over babysitters. Then I'm going to drive to Forks to kick her nosy, meddling ass.

"Yeah, I'll call her." I eye his muscles. "Do you have plans for this afternoon?" Three brawny teenage boys could bring those boxes down for me in no time. And it would give me a chance to see if Edward and I can get along without fighting for more than five minutes.

They all look surprised but shake their heads.

Emmett is the first to speak up. "I've got plans with Rose but not until tonight."

I send them up the stairs and into the attic so they can form a plan of attack. When I know they're out of earshot, I call Carmen and hand her a new one for calling Emmett. Then she hands me a new one as she explains that none of them had seen or heard from me since the wedding. She tried calling both PA phone lines all morning, but I never heard them ring so I didn't answer. She called Emily to see if I was at Riley's, and Emily told her about the break up. The girls didn't want to involve Charlie, so she asked Elliot to drive by and check on me.

"I have no idea how Edward and Emmett got involved, and I don't really care," she says. "Don't scare us like that. Off-the-deep-end Bella is no fun. We were just worried."

I can't really blame them. I haven't exactly reacted well under similar circumstances in the past.

Since I'd like to have everything sorted before the move, I tell her I'll probably be in Port Angeles more than Forks for the next several days. I'm not scheduled at Newton's until Thursday.

I call Charlie and leave a message on the answering machine so he won't worry. After hanging up, I climb the attic steps and find the boys have already started sorting boxes. Edward offers to come downstairs and help me move some of the furniture so we can navigate a little better.

"I'm sorry if I caused it," he says quietly as we move the chocolate wingback into the dining room.

"Don't be sorry," I tell him. "I broke up with him. It wasn't your fault." He nods, and I can tell he's curious, but he doesn't ask.

It takes the guys a couple of hours to bring everything down. I offer to order pizza, but Em says he needs to split so he can shower and pick up Rosalie for their date. Elliot has plans with his family.

"We rode with Emmett," Edward says. "But pizza sounds good."

"Why don't you go home and shower? I'll get cleaned up and maybe we can meet at Pam's? I'll buy you dinner since you worked so hard this afternoon." Nervous babbling is my forte.

"I'm not letting you pay for my dinner, Bella," he calls over his shoulder. "Meet you at seven?" He pauses with his hand on the door of the Jeep, waiting for my answer.

"Seven is good."

-o-

**A/N- Sorry about the tiny cliffie. We'll pick right up with dinner next chapter. I think we should slow down the time jumps. Maybe give these two a chance to get to know each other again?  
><strong>

**(And yes, we'll get some answers along the way)  
><strong>

**Thanks for reading!  
><strong>

**-MSC  
><strong>


	25. Chapter 25

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a copy of **_**Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe **_**for PS3. Hubs can't beat me when I play as Catwoman. **

**M is the best pre-reader and sister a girl could ask for. **

**Maxipoo1024 was sweet enough to offer to beta, and I didn't hesitate to take her up on it. If you're a SoA fan (and I know some of you are), she just started writing Harleyward. Check him out. **

**Any mistakes left are mine. **

Chapter 25

_Two are born to cross_

_Their paths_

_Their lives_

_Their hearts_

_If by chance one turns away,_

_Are they forever lost?_

_(Something More Besides You- Cowboy Junkies)_

-o-

_It's just dinner. _

This is what I tell myself over and over as I dry my hair and try to figure what to wear. Casual. _Definitely_ casual.

I settle for jeans and a baggy v-neck sweater- nothing fancy, no makeup. It's just dinner.

His car is already in the lot when I arrive at Pam's. I'm glad because the place looks kind of crowded, and I'm not the kind of girl who likes to stand around alone- not in PA anyway.

He's already seated at a booth in the corner reading a flyer, and I manage to slide in across from him ninja-style before he even realizes I've arrived.

"Hey," he says, folding the paper and placing it on the table.

"Hey."

I slide my coat off and put it on the bench next to me, trying not to fidget. I leave my hands in my lap under the table, in an effort to hide the small tremor that started when I walked through the door and laid eyes on him.

A petite brunette comes over to get our drink order, and I steal a glance at Edward as he answers her. He's wearing an Aerosmith t-shirt over a fitted black thermal, and I'm not the only one checking out his arms. He fills out his shirts nicely. The waitress barely glances at me when I tell her I'd like a Sprite. When she's gone, we're left with an uncomfortable silence I'm not quite sure how to break.

He picks up a bottle of Parmesan and turns it nervously between his hands. They're much bigger than I remember. I'm looking at a man's hands now. He's thicker.

I can tell he hasn't shaved since the wedding. His hair is still damp, and I swear to God, someone should bottle Edward's after-shower smell. It would force Calvin Klein out of the cologne business.

His eyes are the same. Even the dark circles beneath them look familiar, and I can't help wondering what he sees when he looks at me now, besides blue highlights.

"Thanks for helping me today," I tell him. "The new house should be ready in a couple of weeks. I want to take care of as much as I can to make it easier for Mom and Phil when they get back from the honeymoon."

"You're not upset that your mom remarried?"

"Not at all. She and Phil are perfect for each other, and he's a good guy."

"He really is," he agrees as he finally puts the bottle back on the table. "You mentioned going to school in Florida?"

"Yeah. There's a small college in St. Augustine, and Phil has an amazing house on the beach. The ocean is clear and warm, and everything smells like salt. He offered to let me live there if I decide to go to Flagler. Rent free."

"Sweet. Have you picked a major?"

"No, I'm only eighteen. How am I supposed to know what I want to do for the rest of my life? Renee says I should be a teacher, but the last thing I want to do is go back to high school, day after day, for the next forty years. It was bad enough going through it once, even if being a teacher is different. All the miserable parts of it would still be there." Snobs, bullies, loners, stoners…kids you can save and kids you can't. I don't have the emotional fortitude to survive high school year after year. "What about you? Have you picked a school yet?"

"I've mailed a few applications and sent some game tapes, but I haven't really picked a _where_ yet. Coach said the offers should start coming in after the first of the year. It has to be a school with a strong Computer Sciences department. I haven't narrowed down a specialty yet, but I know that's what I want to major in."

I can totally see that. He's always been a bit of a geek when it comes to computers and gaming. "Well, at least you have your _what._"

The waitress returns to deliver our drinks, and we place our order. We decide to split a cheese pizza, and he orders an Italian sub. I almost feel sorry for the poor girl because she can't seem to focus while Edward is talking to her. She gets her shit together enough to glance at me and ask, "Is this together or separate?"

"Are you sure you won't let me pay?" I ask him. He nods. "Separate," I tell her. "Half the pizza and one of the drinks is mine, and can I add a salad with extra Ranch?" She huffs a little but scribbles my order on the pad.

"Did you like the Bahamas?" he asks as soon as we're alone again.

"Sure. The beaches are gorgeous. I hated the cruise part. If I ever go back, I'll fly. I don't think I ever want to go on another cruise again."

"I'm scared to ask why."

"I'm afraid of the ocean."

"But you cliff dive and you want to move to the beach?" he asks, trying not to laugh.

I don't blame him. I realize how dumb it sounds. "I'm not scared of the beach. I'm only scared when I'm completely surrounded by ocean," I explain. "I remember going out with Charlie and Grandpa in a boat when I was younger, and I was never scared. I think it's because I could see the shore. But being surrounded by endless miles of water scares the shit out of me."

"So what did you do?"

"Most of the time, I read and drank beer. There were teen clubs, but they were really lame. Oh! I did get a really badass massage from a chick smaller than Alice. That girl had mean hands." _The massage was the best part of the cruise. No doubt._

He laughs, and by the time the waitress comes back with our drinks, I've decided that this isn't nearly as weird as I expected it to be.

"How is Charlie?" he asks.

"He's had a rough month." He looks concerned until I continue. "Bratty teenage daughter, ex-wife getting remarried, you know."

"Women." He sighs, shaking his head. I know he's teasing because he's smiling. "Charlie is a good guy. You should go easy on him."

"You're not mad at him?" Charlie let Mark handcuff him on my porch.

"Well, he _could_ have arrested me for drinking and driving. He _should _have arrested me for being stupid enough to show up on his doorstep drunk. And he had every right to be angry with me for talking to you the way I did. I hate that I did it, and I hate that he heard it."

"I know."

We could beat this dead horse until the end of time, but I just don't see the point. He's sorry. I'm sorry. We both fucked up, and we both paid the price. The last thing I want to do is keep score.

We don't have to be perfect to be friends.

"What did your parents say?" _I'm sure they were pissed_.

"Mom drove my car back to Port Angeles. Dad made me ride back with him. It…wasn't fun." He grins a little, shaking his head. "Then I got into some trouble at school which made it worse. They grounded me for three months when we came home from spending Christmas in Seattle with my grandparents."

"Just some trouble at school? You were fighting with Ben again…at school." At the sound of Ben's name, his smile disappears. "Phil said you quit the team."

"I did."

"I'm really sorry about that."

He leans forward and places two balled fists on the table between us. "Nothing Ben did or said was your fault, Bella. He's a sick, twisted fucker."

"What did he say?"

The waitress brings my salad and his sandwich before he can answer. He puts the dill spear on a napkin and hands it across the table before she even walks away. I take it from him silently and try not to freak out over a stupid pickle.

"He was running his mouth and being an asshole, so I decked him." He chuckles. "In the nose."

"You hit his already broken nose?"

"Yes, and I want to break it again every time I think about what he did to you."

I don't miss the way he skirts around my question. Phil wouldn't tell me either. Ben must have said something terrible for both of them to hide it from me. Maybe I should just let it go. I shouldn't care what he said.

Our pizza arrives as I'm finishing my salad, and I let the waitress take my bowl, but I hang on to the small extra cup of Ranch dressing so I can dip the crust in it.

I let him change the subject as we eat, and we talk about school. Not the people we go to school with, just our classes. He's happy to be done with Spanish and impressed when I tell him I'm taking AP Physics and AP Calculus. With any luck, I'll be able to test out of those and lower level English courses. My goal is to have as many credit hours on the books as possible before I even step foot on a college campus.

We talk through two drink refills before I realize the evening crowd has come and gone. It's getting late. He doesn't object when I signal for our checks.

"I've got to go," I tell him. "I have to do all of my Christmas shopping tomorrow and sort through some of those boxes."

"You haven't done any shopping yet?"

"No. Things have been a little chaotic with the wedding and Grandpa and Charlie."

We both stand and put on our coats.

"Did it hurt?" He looks genuinely curious as he holds the door open for me to exit.

"What?"

"The tattoo. I noticed it during the wedding, but I didn't get a good look at it."

I turn away from him and lift my hair so he can see it. "Yes, it hurt like a bitch." The pad of his finger runs gently down the center of my neck. Thank fuck it is cold outside. The Carhart coat I'm wearing is thick enough to hide my evil nipples and the goosebumps I can feel on my arms.

"It's beautiful."

I drop my hair and step away quickly. Touching isn't an option. Obviously, I'm still hardwired to get stupid any time we have skin to skin contact.

Being physically attracted to an ex is normal. I think.

"Thanks. Mr. Berty's wife did it. You remember, the punk chick from the playhouse?" He nods, and I continue. "Leah and I went together the weekend after my birthday. Hers is bigger than mine, but I'm convinced mine hurt worse. Camilla explained it's all about location."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to fight anymore either. That's what I was trying to tell you at the wedding when your boyfriend showed up. I don't know if we can be friends again, but I'd at least like to try."

God, I want that more than anything, just to know that we're okay. "It won't be easy."

"Nothing ever is with you." He laughs.

"I'm a complicated girl."

"And we've already established that I'm a dumbass."

"I'm serious, Edward. I'm not perfect. I'm not special. I'm just a girl. And most of the time, I'm a bitchy girl."

"I'm not perfect either. But not being friends sucked. I'm willing to take the risk."

I can't help but wonder if that was our real mistake back then: each of us so convinced the other was perfect. We were both so wrong.

"We can try." It's the best I can do. I don't want to make any promises.

"Trying is good."

He's right. This does feel good. It's weird and a little awkward, but I feel like a fifty pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is what I expected to feel at the wedding. This is what I thought apologies and goodbyes would give me.

I'm not sure yet, but I think I like this option better.

He waits until I'm in the truck and buckled up before walking away. This is definitely better than our last parking lot goodbye. We didn't make any plans to see each other again, and that's okay. I'm sure we'll cross paths again eventually.

As soon as I get home, I call Jake to find out what size clothes Hannah is wearing these days. I always try to help him out by getting her things I know she'll need. Then I call Alice to see if she wants to go shopping in the morning.

She shows up around noon the next day with gas station coffee and eggrolls. It's a disgusting combination, but I haven't been grocery shopping, so I can't really complain. It's nice having her around for Christmas Break. She decided to stay in Forks this year to spend the holidays with us since she's leaving after graduation.

She forces me to tell her what happened the night of the wedding over a bowl on the back porch. I give her the run down, and then she grills me to make sure that I'm really as okay as I seem. As we're finishing up, it starts to rain. We decide to take Jeanette's car since it has a trunk, and we'll probably be hauling back massive amounts of crap after an all-day shopping trip at the mall.

Alice is really good at finding things on clearance. We find all sorts of baby jumpers, baby jeans, and onesie thingies on clearance at Baby Gap. The dresses from last season are all marked down, so I buy a few of them in bigger sizes, hoping maybe Hannah can wear them by her birthday. And for her birthday, I'll come back here and get clearance stuff for next fall. It's the best way to maximize the funds I have budgeted for her and ease some of the stress for Jake.

We pass Riley's store, and I can't help but look for him. He's working today, helping a little old lady at the ornament display. He looks good, and I'm glad he seems okay.

Before we leave the mall, I force Alice to come with me to Babbage's, and on a whim, I buy my own Sega and a copy of _Mortal Kombat. _My days of hanging out and playing with Sam are over. I don't really have any reason to hang out over there anymore. I'm going to miss Medusa.

We spend the evening eating Chinese takeout, wrapping gifts, and watching _White Christmas. _

My internal clock is still set for six thirty even though school is out. I let Alice sleep late Wednesday morning and spend my time going through some of the boxes from the attic. Some of them have clothes in them- my Gran's clothes. I put those on the front porch and make that the designated "Goodwill" zone.

She finally wakes up around eleven, and we hit the Waffle House before she leaves for Forks.

There are boxes of pictures I want to take back to Forks with me. There are old records and film reels I want to keep too. The "keep" boxes start to stack up, and by the time I'm done, I know I'm screwed. There is no way I can fit all of this shit and the wrapped gift boxes in the cab of my truck. It's raining and sleeting, and I don't have a tarp.

Dammit.

I do the only thing I can think of. I call Emmett. He's a little breathless when he answers after the third ring, and it grosses me out that he might have been fucking Rosalie.

"Hey, jackass. Are you busy?"

"Nah. Just benching. What's up?"

"I need you and your station wagon, but it involves a drive to Forks." He can jack his ride and pimp it out all he wants, but it's still just a station wagon, and I can fit a bunch of this crap in the back of it.

"Hang on," he says before muffling the mouth piece for a few seconds. "Edward is with me. Is that a problem? I mean, he said you guys are cool now, but I can ditch him if you don't want him around," he says quietly.

"Emmett, you can bring the whole PAH baseball team for all I care," I tell him, looking at the boxes.

"Damn. You're going to make us work again, aren't you?"

"I'll feed you, fucker."

"What time?"

"Whenever. I don't work until tomorrow."

They show up an hour later, and I carry an umbrella back and forth escorting them to Em's Jeep while they load up all of my boxes. Em carries it for me while I lug Hannah's gifts to the passenger seat of my truck.

"Who's the Sega for?" Edward calls from the porch. He's being nosy and checking out the contents of the huge plastic Babbage's bag I left by the stairs.

"Me." He laughs and so does Emmett. I bitch face them both. "Girls can't like video games?"

"Do they have Betty Crocker games?" Emmett says between laughs. Fucker.

"Don't be an ass, Emmett," Edward says as I take the bag from him.

"Whatever. Do you two want to hit the diner in Forks or order pizza?"

They agree on pizza, and we hit the road. The drive is slow because the weather is shit. So I follow Em carefully, listening to _13 Songs_ and wishing the rain would stop so I could burn one on the way. Fugazi's music begs for marijuana.

I'm relieved to see Charlie's cruiser in the lot at the station when we pass it. He's never really cared for Emmett, and I'm not sure how he feels about Edward after what happened this time last year. I don't think he would hold a grudge, but men are as complicated as women. They're just less bitchy about it…most of the time.

It doesn't take long to move everything inside once we get to my house. I have them take all of the boxes upstairs to my room except the one labeled "Pictures". I need it to make Charlie's Christmas gift. While they're busy with that, I carry in Hannah's gifts and add them to the small pile Charlie has already placed under the tree. There are a few for her and a few for me.

I'm hoping this means he's not mad at me anymore.

"Can you guys hook up the Sega while you're here?" I ask them after I've ordered pizza.

Emmett smirks. "Can't even plug it in, and she thinks she can play."

I let him gloat and silently watch as they move the TV and connect cables and curse until the Sega logo graces my television.

"Who's first?" I ask innocently as they finish up.

Edward calls it. I pick Liu Kang before he even has the second remote in his hand.

"What, you don't want to be Sonya?" Emmett taunts.

Edward chooses Sub-Zero and as soon as the announcer says "Fight" I unleash two, back to back, rounds of "Bicycle Kicks" on him and then throw him a little "Dragon Fire." They're both silent as my character is declared the winner of round one. He grips the remote tightly and moves a little quicker for round two, getting a punch or kick in periodically, but I still kick his ass. When the game is over, he throws the remote down on the couch and crosses his arms.

"Bullshit," he mutters.

"I don't remember you being such a sore loser," I taunt. He gives me the evil eye and picks up the remote. I trounce him again as Emmett laughs behind us.

"Here, fucker. You try," Edward grits, tossing the remote.

It's no surprise when Emmett picks Johnny Cage as his character. How predictable. He picks a character modeled after Van Damme. Because I'm a bitch, I choose Sonya. Losing to two girls will hurt a little more.

He shakes his head and grins. Until I "Leg Grab" him three times in row and thoroughly kick his ass, easily winning both rounds.

"Heh. Take that, bitches." I toss my remote to Edward. "You play. I need to work on Charlie's and Jake's Christmas presents while we wait for the pizza."

They pout silently for a while as I bask in the glory of wiping the floor with their virtual egos. It's what they deserve for being sexist pricks. Sam and Riley acted this same way when I first caught on and started beating them. Jake never liked losing to me after he taught me to play cards and shoot pool. There are more universal truths about guys than what Emmett shared with me years ago. Once Edward and Emmett get used to it, they'll start losing gracefully like the others.

I make a quick trip upstairs to grab money, a Walgreens bag full of sleeves of developed prints, a shoebox full of old pictures, and two of the four new photo albums I bought a few weeks back. Some of the pictures in the box downstairs are of me and Charlie from way back. WAY back as in baby pictures. I bought him a really nice watch, but letting these pictures stay in a box is such a waste. Maybe having them will help him when I'm gone. I don't usually give Jake anything for Christmas, but I have double sets of all the pictures I've taken of Hannah since she was born. He should have them. She's a gorgeous kid.

The guys are cussing at each other and laughing as they play my new game while I sort through the pictures in the bag, removing all the ones of Hannah. I'm half way through the old pictures from the box when the pizza arrives.

Since I've covered the dining room table with my "projects," we eat in the living room and watch _How the Grinch Stole Christmas. _Every time he taps his chin, I think of Carmen and her ridiculous bright green hair last Christmas. It makes me smile, even when the bastard is stealing all of the toys.

I've been away from home for almost a week, and I have no idea what shift Charlie is working, so I work on his present first. It would suck if he walked in on me making it.

Emmett makes fun of every single picture of me, especially the one of me and the girls wearing New Kids on the Block shirts when we were eleven. Charlie was brave enough to take all of us to a concert in Seattle. He looks reluctantly amused in the picture.

"The New Kids, Bella?" Edward's amusement is anything but reluctant.

"Don't," I tell him, pointing a finger at him in warning. "We liked them for about five minutes. It doesn't count."

"If you went to the concert…" he pauses, taking another look at the picture before crushing my pride "…and you bought…are those buttons?" He smirks a little, and I know that he knows they are. "It counts."

"Give me that." I snatch the stupid picture out of his hand and slide it into one of the open slots in the album. "Speaking of concerts…" I use my best snob voice "…I went to see Pearl Jam a few weeks ago in Seattle. Sixth row."

"Damn. How was it?"

"Don't be stupid. It was awesome."

"My parents wouldn't let me go because of school."

"Yeah, Charlie wasn't exactly happy with me. It's one of the things we fought about. I'm hoping this photo album might remind him I'm not always shitty and help him get over our spat."

He shakes his head. "He won't be able to stay mad at you for long. Trust me." His tone is playful, but those two little words are a reminder of my failure. I don't know if I've ever really trusted anyone. I don't know if I'll ever know how to. Instead of replying, I focus on Charlie's album, and pretend not to notice that he's looking at me more than the pictures.

When the last page is full, I wrap the album quickly as Edward carries the box containing the rest of the old pictures upstairs to my room. I try not to think about him being in there, and I keep my ass firmly seated at the dining room table and start on Jake's present.

I'm not exactly known for making wise decisions when left alone with Edward near a bed, or any other flat surface.

Emmett loses interest and asks for permission to play my Sega. I expect Edward to join him when he comes back downstairs, but he comes to sit with me at the table instead.

"Whose kid?"

"This is Jake's daughter Hannah."

He glances at the stack of presents he helped me carry. "All that stuff is for her?"

"Most of them are clothes. Charlie and I try to help Jake out as much as we can. Being a single dad sucks big time." He lifts a picture to study it. "I mean, he's not miserable because of her. He loves her, and he wants her. It's just hard on him financially. He's taking care of his dad, raising Hannah by himself, trying to watch out for his sister, and working full-time…he's got a lot on his plate."

"Did you take these pictures?" he asks as he looks through the set of duplicates.

"I did. Every time I see her, I go camera crazy. She's too cute, and I have fun following her around and catching that smile."

"She is a cute kid," he agrees, grinning. Because that's what people do when they look at Hannah. She makes people dumb.

"I have pictures from Florida in that bag if you want to see Phil's house."

He looks through all of the Hannah/Jake pictures first, laughing at a few of them and asking me questions about others. We've never talked this civilly about Jake before, and it feels good to not feel bad about my friendship with Jake.

"The Florida pictures are in the two thickest sleeves," I tell him when he reaches for the bag. There are pictures of me with Riley and his family in one of those packages, and I don't want things to get weird.

He only brings out the Florida pictures and looks at them silently as I finish up Jake's book.

"Jesus, Bella. Some of these are amazing. Look at this," he tells me, holding up a picture of Renee and Phil standing in front of the fountain at Flagler.

"I've seen it," I remind him. "I took it."

"You should have this enlarged and framed for them."

It's not a bad idea. There are enough pictures for me to make a small album for them too. I'm not celebrating Christmas with them until they get back on New Year's Day, so I have time.

"I might do that."

"Is this his house?" he asks, holding a picture of the back side of the house.

"It is." I lean over and point to the second floor balcony. "That's my room. Waking up there is amazing."

He flips over to a picture of the beach at sunrise. "I bet."

I wrap Jake's gift silently as Edward flips through my pictures. He takes his time, studying each one before moving to the next.

"I can see why you like it there. Everything is laid back and beautiful," he says. "Even the school looks like a vacation."

I think he's right. My attraction to a big city like Seattle or New York is still there, but the life I imagine in places like those is a busy one, filled with parties and places to go. The life I imagine in Florida involves homework on the beach and falling asleep to the sound of the ocean every night...in a really fucking comfortable bed.

I put the pictures away quickly when I hear a car door slam in the driveway. Edward has a brief moment of panic and glances at the back door in the kitchen like he might try to escape. He shoots me a dirty look when I giggle.

Charlie throws the front door open wide and glances around frantically as he enters the house. He relaxes a little when he sees Emmett on the couch punching away at buttons on the Sega controller. When he spots me standing next to Edward in the doorway, he scowls and says, "Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on here, Bella?"

Edward shifts uncomfortably. "Chief-"

"Is your name Bella?" Charlie cuts him off with a glare that scares even me, and Emmett looks like he might piss his pants at any given moment. "In the kitchen. Now," he says as he passes me on his way through the house.

Shit.

"I'm sorry," I tell them. "If you want to go, I understand. Thanks for helping today."

"We'll wait," Edward says. "I want to talk to him. I didn't thank him last year."

Emmett groans. "We should leave now, Edward. While we still can. Dude carries a gun. It was on his hip when he walked by me."

"I'll be back. Go if you need to." If I keep Charlie waiting, it's going to piss him off even more. That's the last thing I need.

He's pacing when I reach the kitchen. "Are you trying to kill me? Coming home to Emmett McCarty's Jeep parked in front of my house? It took a few years off my life, Bella."

"It's good to see you too, Dad."

"Why are they here?"

"They helped me move some stuff from the house in Port Angeles. I gutted the attic, so I can rent the place for cash. Grandpa is giving it to me as a graduation gift."

"Shouldn't your current boyfriend be helping with that?" he asks bitterly.

"We broke up, Dad. I'm not going to Philly." Christmas is three days from now. I don't want to fight with him anymore, and if hearing that Riley and I broke up doesn't make him happy, nothing will.

For a second, he looks elated. Then, he glares me. "That doesn't explain why Tweedledee and Tweedledum are standing in my living room."

"Now you're just being mean." He relaxes a little and has the decency to look ashamed. "Edward wants to talk to you."

"Oh, he does?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. "Send him in."

Poor Edward. "Dad, please. We're trying to be friends. I…it's important to me." Having Edward in my life again is weird and unsettling, but I like it. I like it so much more than trying to hate him or forget him.

"Fine," he says quietly. "I'll be polite."

"Thank you."

Emmett is waiting by the front door by the time I rejoin them. "He's all yours," I tell Edward, thumbing over my shoulder toward the kitchen. "Sorry in advance for his bad mood. That's my fault." He disappears as I pull on my coat so I can have a smoke on the front porch and get Emmett out of my house.

He breathes a sigh of relief the moment I close the door behind us. "Your dad is scary, Bella. He always looks at me like he's taking aim."

"He is," I mumble around a Camel, seconds before lighting it.

He doesn't find it funny. In fact, he paces across the porch while I push back and forth slowly on the swing as I smoke. "This is why I hate coming to Forks. We're gonna have to hang out in P-A, Bella. Just being around your old man freaks me out."

He jumps when the door opens and doesn't relax until Edward steps outside to join us.

"Everything okay?" I ask.

He nods. "Yeah. He didn't shoot me or threaten me, so it's cool." He runs a hand through his hair. "I _guess_ it's cool. He didn't really say much…just stood there looking at me like I was trying to shoplift at a Seven Eleven store. Then he said, 'You're welcome' and walked off."

"Dude, you're lucky you lived to tell about it," Emmett whispers.

"It wasn't that bad. I hope I don't ever have to do it again, but it wasn't that bad."

"We're gone, Bella. I love ya, but I can't hang with the Chief," Emmett says as he approaches me, leaning over to pull me into a hug. "Merry Christmas. I'm glad you called. Even if it means I had to see Charlie."

"Merry Christmas," I tell them. "Thanks again for helping me. I promise that next time I see you, I won't make you work."

"Yeah, yeah," Emmett grumbles as he steps off the porch and into the rain.

"Good luck with Charlie," Edward says quietly. "I'm sure you'll work it out."

"I hope you're right."

Before I can move, I'm in his arms, and he's hugging me against his chest. "Merry Christmas, Bella."

"You too." Two words are all I can manage and my arms come up, but I can't make them actually touch him before he pulls away and disappears into the rain and the dark.

If a light holiday squeeze leaves my hands shaky and my heart racing, how am I ever going to do this? It doesn't make sense because we're nothing like we were, but he's still the same in some ways.

"Are you going to tell me what happened with the child predator?" Charlie asks as soon as I close the door behind me.

"Dad, I love you, but you have to stop. Riley isn't a child predator. He didn't touch me until after my birthday."

"You're not helping his case."

"There is no case. There is no Riley. We broke up. End of story. I'm not going to Philly or anywhere else with him ever again."

"Good."

"This might be our last Christmas together for a while, Dad. If I decide to get a job, I might not be able to come home next year. Or the next. Do you really want to spend it fighting?" He shakes his head. "I feel bad enough about the Riley thing. Rubbing it in my face only makes me feel worse. I don't like knowing that I hurt him."

"Fair enough, but I won't pretend to be unhappy about it."

"Fair enough," I agree.

Mrs. N scheduled me for early shifts this week, so I hit the sack early and fall asleep easily. I've only been gutting the house for a couple of days, but I feel like I've been going nonstop for weeks.

The days pass quickly since the store is busy and filled with last minute shoppers. It's hard for me to be irritated with their desperation since I'm a bit of a procrastinator myself.

Alice and Jasper join us for our yearly Bing Crosby movie-thon on Christmas Eve. Charlie has been in a much better mood since we talked. I can tell things still aren't quite right with us, but I can't figure out what's really wrong with us either. At least the silent treatment is over.

When Jake and his family arrive on Christmas Day, Charlie calls me to the front door. Hannah is walking next to Jake carrying a small wrapped gift and smiling even though her knit hat is pulled down over her eyes, and her head is tilted back so she can see.

I meet her halfway across the lawn and pick her up, lifting the hat and earning a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Ewww," I whine, shaking my head at her. "You're a bucket of drool, kid."

"But she's a cute bucket of drool." Jake grins.

True.

"No kisses," I tell her. "Kisses are yucky." She scrunches her nose, mimicking my own facial expression.

"Bee," she says, jamming me in the face with the wet finger she pulled from her mouth. I swear if this kid wasn't so damn cute, I'd be tempted to disown her little butt for always coating me in saliva.

"You taught her to call you B?" Charlie asks.

"All my girls call me B," I answer. "Right, Hannah?"

"Bee." _Again, with the wet finger_…

I put her down and let her walk beside me. It takes her five minutes to climb the porch stairs, but she refuses assistance. We stand behind her and watch as she triumphantly reaches the porch, turns around, and claps for herself. And because she makes people stupid, we all clap for her too.

As far as kids go, she's not so bad.

She pauses when she gets to the front door, bending over to pick up a wrapped present propped against the wall. One of Charlie's female admirers must have left him a gift. Hannah carries it into the house and drops it next to the tree. Then she claps again, and we clap again.

She claps every time she opens a gift. Well, she claps every time anyone opens a gift.

I tear up a little when I open my gifts from Charlie. My own copy of _White Christmas _on VHS and a stack of pre-paid long-distance calling cards. He ends up misty-eyed too as he flips through the photo album I made for him.

Jake picks up the package Hannah found on the porch, and instead of giving it to Charlie, he tosses it in my lap. It's flat. A perfect flat square with a white bow and matching name tag with my name printed on it. In Edward's handwriting.

"I'll open this one later," I tell him, placing it on the table and excusing myself to the kitchen so I can check on the ham and catch my breath and clear my head.

Alice and Jeanette show up not long after, and I'm thankful for an excuse to step out back for a smoke. Rachel and Alice join me, and we sit in the Think Tank and split a joint that Alice produces from her Marlboro box.

Later, as I sit next to her, looking around the room at these people I love and will miss, I realize I had the best family in the world all along. I just didn't figure it out until now. I was so worried about what everyone else had, I never even noticed that what I have is so much better. I get to be a part of so many families.

As happy as I am, it still feels like something is missing.

I wish there were phones in those huts in Tahiti.

Alice helps me clean up after dinner. Jasper and Jake sit at the kitchen table playing with Hannah and talking about cars. Since Jake is leaving soon anyway, we decide to drive around to look at Christmas lights. It's one of Alice's favorite things to do while stoned, and she only gets to do it a few times a year, so we humor her.

We all walk out together, and Jasper helps Jake with Billy.

"Bee," Hannah says sleepily as I carry her out to the car. She lays her head against my chest, and I hug her tightly as I breathe in the candy cane scent in her hair. She's a sweet kid, and I almost hate that she'll have to grow up and be a teenager one day.

She's out cold by the time I place her in Jake's arms so he can buckle her into her car seat. When he's done, he closes the car door as quietly as possible and turns to me.

"Thank you. For everything," he says, scooping me into his arms. "You're the best. I love the album, Bella. It's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Someday, I'm gonna be worth all the trouble I caused."

"Shut up, you big dummy."

He gives me a quick peck on the cheek before releasing me. "Not all kisses are yucky. Thanks for scarring my kid," he teases. "Let's hang out again before you leave, okay?"

"Don't be silly. We have plenty of time."

But when I think about it a few minutes later as I sit in the back seat of the Impala on our way to the school, I realize that I really only see Jake and Hannah four or five times a year. I can see why he would think our time is running out.

We smoke a bowl in the parking lot since I know Charlie is getting ready for work and Mark is at the station getting ready for shift change. Then we drive around listening to Guns N' Roses and looking at Christmas decorations.

They drop me off at home around ten and stay long enough to see me safely inside. The only light in the living room is coming from the lit tree. Charlie must have noticed the unopened gift on the table and moved it under the tree.

I sit on the couch and stare at it for what feels like forever. I have a lot of regret. I've been carrying it for a long time. Opening that present might add to it.

I lean over and pick it up, turning it in my hand. Before I can stop them, my traitorous fingers are ripping the paper to shreds. What's left is a forty-five of _A Kiss To Build A Dream On _and _I Get Ideas. _ There is a folded paper tucked into the sleeve with the record.

_Bella, _

_I found this at Spin City in_

_Seattle during Spring Break. _

_You might have already found _

_a copy, but I picked it_

_up anyway. I thought about keeping_

_it and buying you a New Kids CD instead, _

_but I decided to be nice. _

_Merry Christmas_

_Edward_

The ink blurs as I press my fingers to my lips.

_He kept looking._

He probably only gave two or three bucks for it, but he kept looking.

He kept looking for something I gave up on a long time ago, and I have no idea what that means. I stand and walk to the stereo, holding the vinyl and carefully placing it on the stand. The scratch of the needle, a muted cackling and then soft piano music makes the snot festival even worse.

I have to wait a half hour for all the sniffling to stop. It's almost midnight, but the urge to pick up the phone outweighs the time and my common sense. My fingers punch the numbers in quickly, even though I haven't dialed them in a year and a half. There are some things a person never forgets.

"'Lo?" He answers on the first ring. I'm pretty sure I woke him up.

"God, I'm sorry! Were you asleep?"

"Not really. Well, I might have dozed off for a few minutes. What time is…damn, it's midnight. Are you okay?" He's awake and concerned now. Not that I can blame him since I called him in the middle of the night like a crazy person. Damn. I'm the crazy ex-girlfriend.

"I'm fine. I just wanted to say thank you." There's a long silence, and for a moment I wonder if he fell asleep.

"You didn't have it?" he asks quietly.

"No. But I do now. I can't believe you kept looking."

"I told you it was out there."

He always swore we'd find it. I restart it in the background so he can hear it, and I play it over and over, occasionally switching sides and songs as we talk about our holidays, our families, and our gifts. An hour later, I'm sprawled on the couch yawning as we say goodbye.

I'm comfortable in the dark with the soft colored glow of the tree, so I stay on the couch. Every time I close my eyes I can hear trumpets and piano, but having that record doesn't mean what I once thought it would.

It isn't important to me because of my parents anymore.

-o-

**A/N- That was pretty painless, right?**

**Baby steps. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**-MSC**

**Quick note for "Tofurkey" readers- I've gotten a couple of private messages asking if I'm ever going to write the future-takes. Yes. I will after TGAG is complete. It's hard for me to write comedic semi-smut and teen drama at the same time. I just wanted y'all to know I haven't forgotten. **


	26. Chapter 26

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a new pair of Elvis socks and a TCB (Taking Care of Business) bottle opener I bought at Graceland.**

**M, thanks for being mean when I need you to be mean. **

**I'm trying to make things easier for Maxipoo1024 to beta. She's a patient, awesome chick. **

**Any mistakes left are mine. **

**I promised myself I wouldn't use full length song lyrics until the last chapter of this story. It was a hard promise to keep. This song is nearly perfect. **

Chapter 26

_I may know the word  
>But not say it<br>I may know the truth  
>But not face it<em>

_I may hear a sound_  
><em>A whisper, sacred and profound<em>  
><em>But turn my head<em>  
><em>Indifferent<em>

_I may know the word_  
><em>But not say it<em>  
><em>I may love the fruit<em>  
><em>But not taste it<em>

_I may know the way_  
><em>To comfort and to soothe<em>  
><em>A worried face<em>  
><em>But fold my hands<em>  
><em>Indifferent<em>

_(I May Know the Word- Natalie Merchant)_

-o-

"Come on, B. It will be fun," Carmen is in full-on begging mode in the middle of the Forks library.

"Fun for you," I answer. "Too soon for me. Too soon for Riley. I don't want to ruin his night or Sam's party." I have three of the four books on my list in hand. The fourth has clearly been shelved incorrectly. If Leah wasn't one of my best friends, I'd file a complaint on her ass.

"I really like this guy, Bella."

"Good. Go to the party. Leah and Brent are going. You can hang out with them."

"Elliot is a junior in high school. Do you really think Brent is going to want to hang around with us? If you don't come, I'll be surrounded by his baseball friends by myself again."

"So, let me get this straight," I say, turning to look at her. "You want me to come to a New Year's Eve party and hang out with two of the three guys that have handled my goods so YOU can feel more comfortable?" She looks at the ground. Good. She should feel bad. "Selfish much?"

"I'm sorry. I just really want him to like me." It's weird seeing her so bent out of shape over a guy. She's smiling now, but I can tell she's covering. There is underlying fear in her eyes and in her voice.

"Carmen, he does like you. You know Emmett and Edward. They'll be nice. You'll be fine," I assure her. "I'm going out to the res with Al and Jasper. The football team is planning to shoot off fireworks on the beach, and Jake is going to try to bring Hannah for a while."

I give up on the missing book and make my way to the checkout counter. There are moments I truly believe that Carmen and Emmett are soul mates or twins that were separated at birth. Both of them are good people; they're just completely self absorbed.

On the other hand, seeing the way Emmett finally managed to settle down makes me think there may still be hope for Carmen. She's been interested in Elliot since July, and she's been on several dates with him since they reconnected at the wedding. The weirdest part is that she hasn't fucked him yet. Usually it's the other way around: sex first, a couple of dates, more sex, then sayonara.

Whatever happens, she's going to have to do it without me. It would be all kinds of wrong for me to show up at that party.

Carmen doesn't say much as she drives us to Alice's house. Leah's car is already parked out front.

Alice's dad sent her some of his homemade fishfry, and Lisa sent a note with instructions on how to make fried dill pickles. It sounds disgusting, but Alice swears we'll love them.

She's right. As we're snacking, Leah looks at Alice and then Carmen before clearing her throat. "What's the deal with Edward?" she asks.

"We're friends. It's cool."

"Friends?" she scoffs, shaking her head. "Bella, you and Edward aren't capable of being friends. Seriously. Do you even remember what happened? Or how you were this time last year? You need to end this shit now. You've proved your point."

_My point?_ "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You made nice. Everyone apologized. Now, let it go."

"We're just worried, sweetie," Alice adds.

"Sweetie? Why are you using your _Bella is being dumb again_ voice?" They're all silent, looking at me like I'm missing something. But for the first time in a long time, I'm not. I'm not missing anything. "This isn't like a stroll through Blockbuster. You guys can't pull a majority rule on who I can or can't be friends with." Carmen looks away first. "I pick my own friends."

"You're going to get your fucking heart broke all over again," Leah rants.

"Leah," Carmen says loudly. She waits for Leah to look at her before speaking. "Shut up." Both Leah and Alice close their mouths and straighten their spines. "Bella is right. She can choose her own friends. We worry about each other; it's what we do." She moves to stand next to me. "But I've talked to him a couple of times, and I don't think he has any plans to hurt her."

"He didn't _plan _to hurt her the first time either," Leah argues, rolling her eyes.

"Leah, enough," Alice says. "It's B's decision."

"What the fuck ever," Leah mutters, digging around in her purse. "I'm going outside to smoke."

"You know she's just worried about you, right?" Alice asks after Leah slams the back door behind her.

"I know, and I love her for it. But I'm not gonna blow this now, Al. Things were so fucked up for so long. I don't know how to describe it, but this just feels right. I'm not stupid. He isn't the same person he was then, and I'm a different person now too. I know that what we had is over." I look her in the eye. "But I also know that our friendship is what I missed the most, and it doesn't have to be over. He doesn't want it to be, and neither do I."

"Whoa. Slow down. I'm not trying to talk you out of it. I was just reminding you that she's being an asshole because she cares. I don't hate Edward. I never have, and that's the truth -"

"I hated him," Carmen interrupts. "But then I hung out with him for a while at a party in PA the day after Christmas, and he told me some of his side of what happened. Don't be pissed, Bella," she says when I give her a nasty look. "Elliot and I went outside to smoke a doobie, and Edward was out on the porch drinking a beer and talking to Felix. I may have apologized for sandbagging him. He thought I was fucking with him at first." She chuckles. "But when he figured out that I was serious, he was nice about it. We talked for a while."

Alice and I both stare at her, expecting her to continue. She doesn't. "Well, what did he say?" Alice finally asks.

"He explained that he and Emmett did everything they could to stop those asshole cheerleaders from talking shit. That chick Em is fucking? Rosalie? She backed him up." She laughs again. "And I had to believe his ass because he was being pretty fucking rude to the girl, and she still had his back. Truth or no truth, I would have busted his balls and told him to fuck off, but she stood up for him."

Weird. There is something seriously wrong with Rosalie Hale. That bitch's wires are all kinds of crossed.

"Is that it?" Alice demands.

"I congratulated him on breaking the fuck out of that douchebag's nose." She glances over her shoulder. "Come on. Let's go burn one with Leah. It's kiss and make up time." She smooches loudly, puckering her lips and smacking them. "She'll come around," she says as we zip our coats.

"Hopefully before baseball season," Alice adds.

"Oh my God. He got over it." Carmen laughs, and Alice and I do too as we join Leah outside. "Let it go."

"Let what go?" Leah asks.

"We were just talking about when Carmen ambushed Edward on the ball field," Alice answers.

"Ah. I hate that I missed it."

"What happened to Switzerland?" I ask pointedly.

"Like I said...whatever," she mumbles.

Time is the only thing that will change her mind, so I give up. I don't know what's up with her lately, but she's been foul since Christmas. When she's ready to talk about it, we'll talk about it.

I offer to drive to the res on New Year's Eve. Jasper is always DD, and I know he must be getting sick of it. He doesn't drink much, but he likes to relax with a few beers every now and then.

Tyler, Lauren, and Jessica all show up for the celebration and we talk about college…the things they like and the things they hate. Tyler can't stand being benched since he's a freshman. He didn't see any actual game time this year. Lauren likes UW but hates her roommate. She's stuck with a grungy chick who doesn't bathe often. Jessica likes Harvard, and she's dating a nice prettyboy named Liam.

Jake shows up around eleven with a bundled up, sleeping Hannah. He holds her in his lap as we all sit around the huge bonfire and laugh. We wake her up when it's time for fireworks, and I miss most of the show because I'm busy taking pictures of her as she claps gleefully and points at the display. They leave as soon as it's over.

Alice and I decide to burn a fat one instead of drinking, and we end up hanging around until almost two in the morning, catching up and hanging out with our past and our present.

I sleep late on New Year's Day since I know Phil and Renee won't be home until late afternoon. Charlie sleeps late too after working all night. We have lunch at the diner, and I make my way to PA soon after.

I took Edward's advice and had the picture of Renee and Phil enlarged and framed. It was actually a really great idea. Figuring out what to buy rich people is hard. Phil has all sorts of cool, expensive stuff, and I know he doesn't care about superficial shit, but I still want to give them something cool. At least this is original.

I'm still too early when I get to town, so I stop by my house to watch TV for a bit. After an hour or so, I figure it's safe to make my way over to Phil's.

His car is in the drive, and my mom answers the door moments after I push the buzzer.

"Happy New Year, honey," she says, pulling me into one of the tightest hugs I've ever been subjected to. "We missed you."

She passes me directly into Phil's arms, and it doesn't feel strange at all to let him hug me. "Merry Christmas, Bella," he says. "One holiday at a time, Renee." He laughs when she sticks her tongue out at him.

"You don't have to ring the bell, you know," she gushes as she pulls me into the living room. "I'm sorry we didn't decorate for Christmas. We were busy with the wedding, and we knew we wouldn't be here."

"It is fine, Mom, really. I'm just glad you guys are back." That's the honest to God truth. I've missed them, both of them.

They love the framed picture. My mom cries, wordlessly handing it to Phil as she leans forward to hug me again. "It's perfect," she whispers in my ear. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They give me fancy new luggage with wheels and handles, a gift card to the vintage store, and a credit card issued in my name but billed to Phil in case I run into any emergencies wherever I choose to land.

"I'm starving. I'll go and find an open restaurant while you two catch up," Phil says once all the gifts are opened. He leans over, kissing my mom softly on the forehead. "Be right back."

She watches him walk away, and I don't blame her. If he wasn't Phil, I'd watch him too. As it stands, I just can't find it in me to think of him as hot anymore. My friends more than make up for my lack of interest with their own.

"How was the honeymoon?" I ask politely.

She looks at me dubiously. "Do you really want me to answer that question?"

"No. Not really."

"Where is Riley?" she asks. "I'm a little surprised he isn't joining us tonight."

Right. She doesn't know. It's hard to believe how much can change in a couple of weeks. "We broke up."

Her lips twist into a sympathetic grimace. "I'm sorry, Bella." Then she surprises me. "What happened?"

She listens quietly as I tell her what happened at the reception and after the wedding. She nods when I detail my moment of realization and looks surprised when I tell her that Edward and I are working to mend our friendship.

The way she is looking at me is making me uncomfortable, so I subtly shift the conversation to the house by explaining that he and Emmett helped me move some stuff.

She agrees that renting the house is the most sensible thing to do since I don't plan to live in it. Phil walks in with Indian take-out and overhears our discussion.

"This house is a rental. I can give you the name and number of the property management company. Since you'll being living out of town, it will be good to have someone to represent you in your absence."

"Jesus, Phil. You're making me feel old…talking like that. It sounds so grown up." It's so weird to be making these types of long term plans. I'm leaving home, both of my homes. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm getting out of here.

After dinner, Phil and I make our way outside for our customary smoke.

"Have you ever considered majoring in photography?" he asks, extending his Zippo and lighting my Camel.

"I've never really thought about it," I admit.

"I don't want to cross any lines or tell you what to do, but at the risk of sounding too stepfather-ish, can I give you a piece of advice?" His voice is soft but wise and somewhat serious.

"Shoot."

He turns to face me. "Choose something that makes you happy, something you'll enjoy. You have a gift, a real talent."

"I don't know what to say," I tell him. "Every time I try to pick a major, I try to think of the career it would lead to. What the hell would I do with a photography degree?"

"Anything you want. You could work for a newspaper or a magazine. You could get a job taking pictures in the photography studio at the mall or at Walmart. Hell, you could start your own studio. You could take it in so many different directions."

I try to object. "My mom-"

"Wants you to be happy more than anything, Bella," he finishes. "You might be surprised. Why do you think she teaches? It's what she always wanted. It isn't glamorous. At times, it's the pits. Both of us do it because we want to make some kind of difference, even if it's only for one or two kids a year. I get the added bonus of coaching the game I love and being a part of my players' lives for a while. It's the same for your dad. He loves being a cop."

A year ago, I would have bristled or been angry at Phil for daring to mention my father. But I can hear the respect in his voice when he talks about Charlie, and it makes me like him even more.

"Riley and I broke up."

He puffs his cigar quietly for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"IF, and it's a big if…If Flagler or Jacksonville U give me a shot, does the offer still stand on the house?"

"Of course." He smiles. "Should I make a call?"

"No. I want to do it on my own or not at all." Having a super rich stepdad is cool and all, but I want to try to make my own way.

"You have my word."

"Thanks."

"Did you tell Renee?"

"Yeah. Why do you think she was smiling like a lunatic during dinner?"

"She missed you. She's happy to see you," he insists. "She would have helped you get to Philadelphia if you had chosen to go."

"I know."

"Do you want to tell me what happened? Should I get my bat?" His tone is light and playful, but I think he probably would take a bat to someone for me.

"No, nothing like that. I know this sounds dumb, but I just knew he wasn't the one. Not that I believe in any of that soul mate crap anyway. I was considering Philadelphia for all the wrong reasons."

"Makes sense," he agrees. "I like Riley. He's a nice guy, and I know you care about him, but I think you're right. Moving to Philadelphia would have been a bad decision."

"Edward and I are trying to be friends," I blurt.

"Oh yeah?" he glances at me.

"He and Emmett helped me move some stuff out of the old house."

He nods, satisfied. "They're good boys, two of my favorites, actually."

"Good. Don't be surprised if they're around occasionally."

"I wouldn't find that surprising at all," he says, stubbing his cigar. We join Renee inside, and I sit next to her on the sofa as Phil settles into his recliner. If I'm really going to seriously entertain moving to Florida, there are a few things I need to do.

"Since I'm definitely not going to Drexler, we can skip the trip to Philly over Spring Break, right?"

"Of course," Renee answers.

"Cool. I'm probably going to ask Dad if he wants to go to Florida with me to see Flagler and Jacksonville U."

Renee glances at Phil before turning to me. "I think that would be great." She nods slowly. "Phil and I will probably go to Houston to move your grandfather and his things back here to Port Angeles."

"What?"

"He has Alzheimer's, Bella."

I wait for the punch line, thinking this must be some kind of sick joke until I remember his words as we danced.

_And in case I forget to tell you later, I'm so proud of you. _

I had no idea what he was trying to tell me at the wedding. I thought he meant before he left town.

"Are you sure?" I ask even though I already know the answer. "Why didn't you tell me?" I'm trying not freak out, simultaneously recalling the way his memory faltered as he told stories the weekend before the wedding. "How long have you known about this?"

"He was diagnosed a few months ago, but he wanted to tell me in person, so he remained quiet until he arrived for the wedding," she says sadly. "He's going to move in with us at the new house."

"We'll make sure he has the best care possible, Bella," Phil assures me.

_Jesus. _

_Wow. _

_This is so fucked up. _

I lean over and lay my head against Renee's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Mom."

"So am I, baby." She pats my hand. "So am I."

Phil chooses _The Last of the Mohicans _because he's heard Renee and I talk about Daniel Day Lewis and this particular movie on several occasions. It works for a while. Hawkeye is funny, wicked smart, and bad to the fucking bone in a fight, any kind of fight.

By the end of the movie, I'm snotty and sniffling and so is my mother. She seems happy when I ask if I can crash in one of the spare rooms. I guess now that they're married the squick factor of staying the night is eliminated. We'll call it "practice" for the second week of January when we officially move into the new house.

The next morning, they both come with me to my house so Renee can decide what to keep. Phil says to leave anything we don't want. He insists on hiring a cleaning crew. She agrees that the clothes should go to Goodwill instead of the trash.

Phil helps load them into my truck and rides with me to drop them off. Then the three of us straighten up a bit and agree to meet back at Phil's house. I offer to drop by Pam's and pick up dinner on my way. Renee calls in the order, and I stay behind after they leave, waiting a little longer since the food isn't ready.

When I arrive at Pam's, I'm greeted with the sight of Emmett holding Royce against the back of his Jeep with his forearm across Royce's throat. Rosalie is standing behind them crying. I almost run her over when I notice Edward and Elliot blocking Ben Cheney to keep him away from Emmett. There are others guys too, most of them wearing baseball jackets.

_Jesus._ _What the hell is going on?_

I park as quickly as possible and exit the truck to try to get to Emmett. Edward stops me by blocking me with his body. "Stay out of it, Bella," he says quietly.

"Oh, that's rich! Look at this, Royce…if it isn't our good friend Bella Swan," Ben says loudly.

Royce can't answer because Em's arm is still in his throat. "Emmett," I say over Edward's shoulder. "Let him go. Whatever it is isn't worth going to jail, dude. You know Royce is the kind of pussy who would call the cops. There is a parking lot full of witnesses." He relaxes a little, but still looks murderous. "Come on, Em."

He backs away slowly, and Royce pushes away from the Jeep and spits on the ground as he eyes Emmett. He walks in our direction and stops a few feet away. "Thanks, babe," he says with a wink.

"It's nice to see her mouth in action again," Ben adds.

This time it's me blocking Edward to keep him away from Ben. "Don't," I beg him. "Please don't." I've got a death grip on his jacket, trying to hold on to him and keep him here with me instead of losing him again to some asshole. "You're eighteen now, Edward. He really isn't worth it."

"That's it, Cullen. Hand your nads over to that heartless bitch again," Royce says.

"Don't listen to them. Seriously, it doesn't matter. I don't care what they say. I really don't," I tell him, willing him to just let this go, once and for all.

"Can't blame you, Cullen. It's hard to let go of a girl who gets down on her knees."

I know I can't stop him anymore. I've never seen him this angry, but I'm done watching him hurt over this. I turn on my heel and look Ben dead in the eye. "The statute of limitation on attempted rape is three years in the state of Washington." I say it loudly so every single person in this parking lot can know what kind of scum Ben Cheney really is.

The weight of what I've just done is clear when every person freezes staring at me or at him, shaking their heads silently in disbelief.

"The worst part is that I thought you were nice. I thought you were different," I tell him.

He looks away first as Edward steps up behind me. He doesn't touch me, but he's so close I can feel him like a silent rock, the same rock I've been beating my wave against since the moment he came into my life whether he was standing beside me or not.

"Cat got your tongue?" I ask quietly.

For the first time, Ben has nothing to say. Edward's team mates are starting to move around us, forming a wall of bodies in the parking lot.

"Whatever, bitch," Ben mumbles. Then he and Royce slowly back away from the crowd, away from us. His silence speaks volumes. He didn't deny it. In front of all these people, he walked away like the big, fat coward he is.

"Oh my God." The shock is wearing off and so is my bravado.

I step forward until I get to the walkway and sit down as I light a Camel. My hands are shaking, but I feel oddly relieved.

The parking lot empties soon after Royce and Ben leave. Rosalie is standing a few feet away, wiping her face and talking quietly to Emmett. Edward says something to Elliot before leaving his friends to walk over and sit next to me.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine. Surprised, but fine."

"Can I ask you something?" I can tell from his tone that this has been bothering him for a while. And I already know what he wants to ask because I put it out there and said it. Out loud.

"There was no proof, Edward. No evidence. None. A bruise on my wrist might have earned a third degree assault charge. Might have. We were both minors at the time, and he didn't leave any bruises anywhere that counts." I shudder, thinking of all the places he COULD have touched me. "Chances are he would have got a slap on the wrist…maybe probation. Think of what it would do to Charlie to have his hands tied like that." I pause, letting the idea sink in. "It would've killed him."

"You're right," he agrees, looking away. "Feeling helpless is the worst."

"Don't say that. You've broken his nose twice. What more could you do?" I smile a little and let it creep into my voice so he can hear it. Whether I want to admit it or not, knowing he fought for me after I deserted him is hot.

He turns to face me. "I could have asked my girlfriend what was really wrong instead of being afraid of her answer."

"Don't." I stand. "Don't try to find a way to blame yourself for this, Edward. I could say it's my fault for answering the door in the first place." I hold up a hand when he tries to object. "I'm not because it was Ben's fault. He is the only one to blame." It's a different take on what Edward said to me the night we had dinner, but it works both ways.

"You're right." He stands when some of his teammates start to get into their vehicles. "I'll be right back."

He walks over to Emmett, Rosalie, and Elliot. He and Emmett begin a conversation, and Rosalie leaves them standing near the Jeep to join me.

"Thank you for stopping him." I can tell it's hard for her to say it by the set of her jaw and her crossed arms.

"He deserves better than jail. It's close enough to his birthday to get him in some serious trouble if he loses his head," I reply. "What happened anyway?"

"Royce and Ben showed up as we were leaving, and Royce said something nasty about leftovers. Emmett is usually pretty good about putting things behind him, but Royce just won't let it die."

"Well, good luck with that," I tell her. I'm not trying to be a bitch, not really. But I still leave her standing there alone and make my way inside to pick up dinner.

When I get back to the parking lot, Edward and Elliot are the only ones left from PAH. Edward walks across the lot quickly, taking the oversized pizza box and bag of salads from me. "I'll get these, you get the door."

I open the door and let him place the food on the seat.

"That's a lot of food…" he says.

"Mom and Phil are back. We worked at the house today, so I offered to pick up dinner." I slam the truck door. "What are you guys doing tonight?" Elliot and Edward are the only ones left which makes me think they might have plans.

"Dinner with the guys, and well, you saw how that worked out. Some of them are going to the cages, but I'm gonna go home and wait for your girl to call when she's off work," Elliot says, walking away with a grin and a wave. "See ya."

Edward gives him the guy nod before turning to me. "I guess I'm going to go home. I don't really want to go to the cages tonight. I'll have my fill of baseball soon enough."

"Do you play pool?"

"I'm decent."

"Phil has a pool table."

"Is that an invitation?" He cocks his head to the side after asking and subtly licks his bottom lip, and my mind goes straight to the gutter, picturing all sorts of naked debauchery on my stepdad's pool table. I am the queen of bad fucking decisions, I swear.

"Bella?" he asks, leaning forward a little.

"What?"

"Pool? Were you inviting me to play pool?" Poor bastard. I've confused him.

I nod. I've confused myself too. Best not to talk at times like these.

He follows me to Phil's house, and I ask myself again and again why I thought this would be a good idea. For the first time ever, I open the door without knocking and walk right into Phil's house.

Edward follows me silently through the foyer and dining room toward the sound of laughter in the kitchen. It stops when Renee and Phil catch sight of the two of us standing in the doorway.

I take the food from Edward and place it on the table as Phil greets him. Renee is actually nice to him and invites him to share the pizza. He declines politely, and the conversation carries on. Being with Phil has done a number on my mom. I dated Edward for a little over six months, and he and my mom would exchange general pleasantries and that would be it. I've never seen her interact with him this way before. It's a relief. She was a total bitch to Riley every time he came around.

After dinner, I ask Phil for permission to shoot some pool. "I call winner," he says with a wink. God, he is such a guy. He wants to watch me murder Edward on the felt.

I rack for a quick game of Eight Ball. He's busy admiring the Meucci pool cues. "Are you going to break?" I ask him.

"Sure."

He has nice form and the most evil fucking hands I've ever seen. Strong and steady with veins and man fuzz…

"Your turn, Bella." He grins.

My brain is goo. "Um…what did you sink?" I don't know if I'm shooting stripes or solids.

"Fourteen on the break. Ten on my second, and I missed the third. Earth to Bella. You're solids."

Phil gives me a strange look, and I hope like hell he doesn't know what I was just thinking about. He would never let me near this pool table again.

_God. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

"Four in the side." It's an easy shot, one almost anyone could make. The next one is a little tougher because of the banking, but I've done it before. "One in the corner." I hear a huff behind me, and I'm not sure if came from Edward or Phil. I sink it. "Six in the side."

Phil chuckles and I'm trying not to think about the possibility that Edward is checking out my ass as I line up. Then I get mad because if he isn't checking out my ass, he should be. I hit the cue ball with too much force and miss the shot by several inches.

"Fifteen in the corner." He makes it and chooses to walk around the side of the table next to me to get to his next shot. When he passes me, our arms are inches from each other, and he looks at me so shyly I almost want to cry.

This is hard in so many ways I never expected. I worried we wouldn't know what to say to each other but we do. I worried I would feel resentful but I don't. I worried that being around him would make me sad and instead, it's made me happy.

And it scares the ever loving shit out of me.

"Twelve in the corner."

He misses and when he straightens, I look away. Focusing on the table is a welcomed distraction. I sink three. He follows with three of his own. I'm up two, but an empty table is easier to play, so I sink them quickly. "Eight in the side." I lean over and aim. "Try not to act like a baby this time."

"Brutal," he says, rubbing his chest above his heart as the eight ball drops into the pocket.

"Lucky thirteen," I hold up the orange striped ball between us. I don't kiss it because that would be rude.

"I'm still feeling the jetlag, so I'm going to skip my game and hit the sack," Phil says, yawning the last few words. "Are you staying here tonight, Bella?"

"Yeah, if that's okay?"

"Lock up when Edward leaves."

And then he walks out and leaves the two of us together alone with his pool table. And balls. And sticks. Phil obviously doesn't know us very well.

But I do.

"Let's go outside for a smoke," I suggest.

It's hard to tell if his shoulders really slump a little when he realizes I don't want to be alone with him. I might be seeing what I want to see. Either way, he follows me down the stairs and out to the porch.

I pull a joint from my Camel box and offer it to him. He passes. I don't.

"I think I want to go to Florida." He's quiet and still beside me, but I feel like I should be honest about this from the very beginning. "If I get accepted to Flagler or JU, I'm going." I wave my hand between us. "I don't know what that will do to this friendship thing, but I want you to know up front so it won't seem like I pulled another cut and run."

"I'll be leaving too, you know."

"Things are going to change anyway since we have school next week." This is a good opportunity to tone things down a little bit. Maybe gain some space and perspective.

"I want a rematch soon."

"Sure, I'll be around next Sunday," I tell him.

"I meant _Mortal Kombat._"

He wants to come to Forks to game with me. It would mean alone time. It would mean trusting myself to behave and only play video games on my couch. No jumping of bones allowed. Sex complicates the fuck out of friendship.

"I have to work after school on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday next week. Any other day is fine. Or you can call me." _Shut up. Oh God, just shut up. _

"I'll call you."

He waits until I'm inside, with the door locked, to leave. It makes me feel safe and cared for. It also makes me sad that I used to mock him for doing things like that, even though I secretly loved it.

I leave PA early Sunday morning and spend my afternoon getting stoned with Alice, watching _Pretty in Pink _for the nine thousandth time.

"I'm joining the prom committee," she says as Iona and Andie dance.

My giggles are cut short when she looks at me. "The fuck?" We don't _do _proms or dances.

"What if she's right, dude?"

"Al, you're fucking stoned. As your best friend, I cannot allow you to join the prom committee."

"I'm serious. I spent some time talking to the DJ at your mom's wedding -"

"How long have you been planning this?" I ask. The girl has clearly lost her mind.

"I know it's lame. In theory. But if I'm on the committee, I'll make it awesome. I can't explain why this is important to me. It just is. I want us to go. It will be like that one perfect fairy tale night where we can all be together and be young and pretty and dressed up and stoned…"

"Alice, we just did that at my mom's wedding."

"And it was fun, but this time we'll get corsages and take cheesy pictures like everyone else does."

"Have you told Jasper about this?"

"He's down with it as long as he can wear a bolo with his tux."

"You two are so fucking weird," I mutter. "And disgusting. Fine. IF you can convince Carmen and Leah, I'm in."

_Good luck with that. _

"It's going to be awesome."

The phone in my room is ringing when I walk through the door around ten. The answering machine picks up before I even get to the stairs. Since I'm already downstairs, I carry my suitcase to the laundry room and empty its contents into the washer.

The message count on the machine is zero and I'm glad. If there had been a message from Alice saying she'd talked the girls into it, I'd probably throw myself out of the window.

I throw myself onto the bed instead. Before I even get comfortable, the phone starts ringing again.

If it is Alice, she's going to keep calling every fifteen minutes until I answer. I grab the phone and hit the receive button. "I swear to God if this is about prom, I am going to kick your ass in the morning."

"You're going to prom?" Edward asks.

"No. Well, maybe. And if I do, it's going to be entirely against my will."

"Your date sounds like an asshole."

"More like three of them. Alice has this crazy idea that we should go to prom. What we should actually do is stop watching so many fucking Molly Ringwald movies. She is going to join the planning committee. Hell, she'll probably make herself chairperson or whatever the fuck figurehead prom kids have." I'm trying hard not to be pissed at him for laughing at me, but I can't stop my mouth. "I told her I would go if she could convince the others. Stop laughing."

"You don't want to go at all? Not even a little bit?"

"I've never really thought about it until Alice mentioned it tonight. I don't know…the whole thing seems so cliché." Especially when you're the girl who can't keep a guy around long enough to take her to prom. Jake and I broke up a few weeks before his junior prom. The same thing happened last year with Tyler. And here I am, flying solo again.

"I haven't really thought about it either, but I guess it is last call, huh?"

"Did Alice call you and ask you to harass me on her behalf?"

"No. I'm sorry. I'll stop with the prom stuff. I called to see if tomorrow is good for you."

I don't know if being alone with him will ever be good for me, but it's too late to turn back now. "It works for me."

He shows up on Monday about an hour after I get home from school, and we play as the afternoon turns to evening. We stop keeping count about an hour in, but I'm still winning more than I'm losing. When he does win, he doesn't rub it in. His victory grin is killer, so in a way, I still kind of win.

Charlie didn't do any grocery shopping, and I'm not ready to entertain the thought of riding somewhere with Edward in the Volvo. We order pizza.

I walk him to the door around eight.

"Are you busy Wednesday?" he asks, lingering on the porch.

"No, but Charlie is working dayshift this week, so he'll be home. I know last time was weird, and it's fine if you don't want to be around him…"

"It's cool. Same time?"

"Sure."

Tuesday night is hard. Every minute at work feels like an hour. When I get home, I bury myself in homework and try not to stare at the phone.

On Wednesday, I shop after school. I'm craving a healthy dinner. Christmas Break included way too much take out and pizza delivery. The Chief will eat chicken, broccoli, and rice casserole as long as I put cheese on top of it. Trying to get him to eat vegetables is an uphill battle.

Edward comments on how good it smells as I kick his ass repeatedly with my Sega controller.

"Yeah, Dad will complain about it, but then he'll eat seconds. Watch."

Charlie doesn't let me down. When he walks in the door after work the first thing he says is, "I smell broccoli." He also goes for seconds.

"You still fishing, Chief?" Edward asks during dinner.

"Yeah. I'm leaving early Saturday morning for a day trip."

"I'll probably go to PA, if that's okay." I need to talk to Phil about a timeline and get the number for the property management firm. "Can you take a vacation the week of Spring Break?"

I hate doing this with Edward here, but part of me feels like I'm running out of time. I want Charlie to spend that week with me somewhere that doesn't make either one of us sad. It might also satisfy the cop in him.

He leans back in his seat, studying me. "What do you have in mind?"

"A Florida vacation."

"Yeah." He nods. "I think I can swing it."

"Cool."

"Are you done with that Sega crap? Can I watch my TV now?"

"Well, I could move the Sega upstairs to my room. We could play up there." _Checkmate, Dad._

Edward drops his fork, and Charlie chokes on his tea. When he catches his breath, he says, "No, it's fine. I'll watch TV in my room."

"I'm kidding. Sorta. I have homework I need to work on. You can have the television."

Edward helps me clear the table, but he doesn't follow me outside for an after dinner smoke. I think he may have quit. To each their own. I'll quit if I move to Phil's house. The cigarettes, anyway. I hope.

Everything will change if I move to Florida. Everything.

He walks outside with his coat already on. I guess he got the message about the homework.

"I've got some stuff I need to do tonight too, so I'm going to go."

"I'll be in Port Angeles this weekend if you want to hang out."

"Maybe Sunday," he says. "See you later."

Okay. That was weird. I chalk it up to him needing space the same way I do. This is like walking a tightrope…exhilarating, exhausting, and terrifying all at the same time and a high so high it makes the ground look miles away.

Thursday morning Alice greets me in the parking lot with news. Peter is having a party this weekend while some of the college kids are still in town. Brent and Leah are going. Carmen is inviting Elliot, and of course, Alice and Jasper will be there. It sounds like everyone is going. When Peter throws a party, people go.

Renee and Phil won't care if I show up on Sunday. Something about this last call thing is hitting me in all sorts of unexpected ways. The days of blowing it out with this crowd are numbered and dwindling.

I call Jake when I get home from school. "Get a babysitter for Saturday night. Peter is having a big party, and you need a break. Tell Rachel that I invited you, and she'll babysit for you." It's mean, but it will work.

She agrees to babysit, and he shows up a little after nine on the Rebel. He likes to leave the Rabbit with Rachel when she has the baby. He's lucky it isn't raining.

We take my truck to the party. Even though he technically has the night away from Hannah, he still doesn't want to drink, so he gives me the Solo cup that Peter shoves in his hand the moment we walk through the door.

It's red, fruity punch with orange and apple slices floating around in it. Whoever mixed it is a dumbass. I can't even taste any alcohol.

Peter has weird statues all over his house. There are Jesus, Mary, and Buddha figurines everywhere. It's a little creepy. He gives me and Jake a quick tour while the others congregate in the back yard. When we join them, Peter pulls a pipe and baggie from his jacket pocket.

"It's hash," he says, leaning in close enough to whisper. "It's some good shit."

True to form, I'll try anything once. "Fire it up."

Jasper grins. "You're gonna love it."

An hour later, we're back inside and I know I don't. I don't love it at all. Or it could be this second glass of the punch and maybe a little bit of the Jesus and Mary statues freaking me out. If there is a Hell, I am most certainly going there.

It's actually starting to feel like Hell in here. I shed my hoodie in an effort to cool off. "Jake, I'm not feeling so good." I tug on his sleeve, trying to pull him away from Jasper. "I need to go home."

"What's wrong?" Alice asks as she turns my body to face her.

"I feel really messed up. Hot and freaked out…fucked up."

"How many of these have you had?" She takes the red Solo away from me.

"This is my second."

"Your second?" Jake stares at me as I nod and teeter a little. "Holy shit, Bella. That's PGA punch."

They follow me as I walk out onto the porch. "I ate some of the apple and orange slices to put something in my stomach." It's hot out here, too. Too hot. And something is definitely not right. "Can I sit down for a minute?" If I don't sit down soon, I'm going to fall down.

"Dude, the fruit soaked overnight in one hundred and ninety proof. She can't weigh more than a hundred and ten pounds. She's about to be fuuucked up," Peter says. "Plus she smoked that hash?"

"I weigh a hundred and fifteen pounds, thank you very much. It's all in my butt. Mike says every bit of it is in my ass." I laugh.

"I don't think those five pounds are going to help you much, Bella." Jake looks at me sympathetically. "Come on, let's get you home."

He pulls me to my feet, and I hate him a little for it. The yard is spinning, and the stars all appear to be shooting randomly but I'm pretty sure they're not when I notice two of my trucks sitting in a double driveway that was a single when we got here.

Fuck.

I am fucked up.

And it's still so fucking hot.

Sometime during the five minute drive from Peter's house to mine, I lose my shirt and roll down the passenger side window letting cold air fill the cab.

The next time my eyes open, we're sitting in my driveway, and Jake is talking to me. "…have to get dressed. Charlie is home. There's a big, red Jeep parked out front…lights on…"

I'm trying to listen, but the spit is starting to pool under my tongue, and I know I'm going to hurl any second.

It starts right after I get the truck door open, and I keep it off of me and the truck. For the most part. I fall out right after, and Jake helps me up immediately and shoves my shirt over my head as Charlie shouts, "Jake, everything okay out there?"

I shake my head sadly and give Jake the most ashamed look I can muster. "I'm sorry," I whisper, wincing when I smell my own breath.

"I've been there. It's okay," he assures me, holding onto my arm to keep me upright. "Bella got into the PGA punch, Charlie. She's a little drunk."

Charlie walks around my truck and looks at the mess I've left. "I smoked some hash too," I confess before throwing up a second time all over the bushes lining the drive.

"Lovely," he mutters behind me.

"Sorry," I manage as I heave.

"Where were you while she was getting trashed?" I nearly choke when I hear Edward question Jake behind me.

_What the fuck is he even doing here?_

"I was talking to Peter and Jasper. I had no idea she was going to chow down on spiked fruit or chug PGA like that. I don't think she knew it was that strong. You could barely taste the alcohol. The hash probably didn't help. Besides, dude, I'm her friend, not her nanny. When I realized she was in trouble, I brought her home." I look up at Jake as he finishes his speech. He crosses his arms, making me so dizzy I topple over into a shrub.

"Damn," I moan.

"Jake," Charlie says. "Clean up the mess in my driveway. Edward, get Bella out of my bushes and carry her upstairs."

I want to tell them all to fuck off so I can sleep right here, but before I can protest, Edward leans over and hauls me into his arms, pulling me against his chest.

It takes me a couple of minutes of clinging to his neck and keeping my eyes closed to tramp down the urge to barf on him as we move into the house.

"You smell like fish," I complain.

"You smell like puke."

I twist my face away from him because blowing vom breath on Edward Cullen is my biggest nightmare. "Put me down."

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen, Bella. Stop squirming or we're both going to fall down the stairs."

"Why did it have to be you?" I ask weakly.

He glances down at me. "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?"

I hate that his smile is sad and his voice is sad and that I'm drunk because I think we're doing that thing again and talking about two totally different things. If I was sober, I could probably understand it all a little better.

"I'm sorry," I tell him as he lowers me to the ground in front of the toilet in the bathroom.

"You never could handle your liquor." He smiles, and it's the sweetest smile. It's the one he used to give me when something he loved about me drove him nuts, and it makes me want to brush my teeth and kiss the shit out of him.

I puke again instead.

As I'm hovering over the john, Charlie comes in and asks Edward to give us some privacy.

"I'll help Jake clean up," Edward says.

"Wait," I say, choking a little on the burn in my throat. "It wasn't his fault, so don't pick any fights with him, Edward."

"Whatever you say, Otis." He grins and disappears.

I fall back on my ass, scooting until my back is against the wall. Charlie flushes the toilet before sliding down the wall until he is seated next to me.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Who the hell is Otis?"

"The drunk guy from _The Andy Griffith Show._" He chuckles as he dials a number on the cordless phone. He holds it to his ear for a moment before speaking. "Jeannette? It's Charlie. I'm a little worried about Bella. She smoked hash and drank way too much PGA." He's quiet for a few moments. "Well, I hate to make you get out on your night off." My eyes are closed, and my head is still spinning, but I can hear her voice through the receiver as she scolds him. "We'll see you in a few."

I scramble to my knees gripping the tops of my thighs as I heave again. Charlie pulls my hair back into a ponytail and holds it in his hand as I get sick over and over.

"I am so sorry, Dad," I tell him quietly when I'm done. Charlie is the only person who ever loved me enough to keep me, and it was shitty of me to say the things I said to him. "I shouldn't have said what I said that morning in the kitchen. I know things have been different since then, and I hate it." The waterworks have started and the taste of bile and mucus makes me sick again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." I fall back against the wall when I'm done, full on weeping at this point and poor Charlie pulls me against his side tightly, shushing me and telling me that he loves me. He promises that he wasn't mad, just scared of losing me. I cry even harder because, while I've always known, Charlie has never told me that he loves me. Not in those exact words.

"It's hard letting you live your own life…make your own mistakes. From the day you were born, the first moment I saw you…it's been my job to protect you, but sometimes you're your own worst enemy, kid. Finding the balance between cutting a little slack and giving enough rope to make a noose hasn't been easy. You've got a whole lot of book smart and not nearly enough common sense. You get that from your mother. And you're stubborn. You get that from me."

"Hell of a mix," I tell him.

"Just be a kid for a while, Bella. Stop trying to grow up so damn fast."

Jeanette appears in the doorway wearing plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a black fuzzy sweater. Her cheeks are pink from the cold, and I never noticed until this minute how much she and Alice look alike. Despite her long hours at the hospital, she's aged well and could easily pass for Alice's older sister instead of her mother. Or maybe I'm just drunk and impressed with her attire.

Her fingers feel like ice cubes as she checks my pulse. I'm starting to feel a little better, and I try to tell her that listening to my heart and breathing with her stethoscope isn't necessary. She and Charlie are in first responder mode and protective parent mode, so she gives me a thorough exam.

"I need to get out of these clothes," I beg. "Every time I breathe, I think I'm going to be sick again. I want a shower."

"I'll help her, Charlie," Jeanette offers. "A hot shower will help raise her body temperature. Get a bag for the clothes and put it outside the door. Her boots need to be cleaned too." He leaves the bathroom quickly. "Sit here until I get some clean clothes for you, okay?"

Too tired to answer, I nod and close my eyes. I want the shower. I want to smell soapy and warm. Jeanette has donned a pair of hospital gloves by the time she rejoins me in the bathroom and places pajamas on the countertop. She helps me with my pukey boots and jeans and laughs as I promise to share my future Publisher's Clearing House winnings with her someday.

After scrubbing my teeth with the toothbrush, I take the longest, hottest, steamiest shower of my life as Alice's mom sits on the toilet on the other side of the curtain as a safety precaution. There can't be any alcohol left in my stomach, so the disorientation must be from the hash.

Jeanette helps me as much as possible while trying to maintain my dignity as well. Honestly, I'm so tired and feel so shitty, I'll do anything to get to my bed.

She tucks me in and presses the back of her hand against my forehead one last time. "Get some sleep, Bella. You're going to feel like crap when you wake up."

_Awesome. _

Waking up the next morning is painful. Every inch of my body hurts. There are scratches all over my hands and forearms. A nice, shiny bruise colors my lower left cheek, and my wrist hurts too for some reason.

Jesus. I'm never smokin' that shit again. Or drinking.

I freeze on the bottom step.

Edward is asleep on my couch.

I don't take a single breath as I tiptoe across the room, trying not to wake him but unable to stay away. I stop a foot away from him and stare.

It's been so long since I've seen him like this. Sleeping.

All those nights. I think of all the nights I cried myself to sleep, missing falling asleep with him. I never once mourned the loss of seeing him like this in the mornings. I'm an idiot.

As wrong as it is to ogle him as he sleeps, I do it anyway. His hair is darker than it was when we were younger, and his eyelashes are still long and way too pretty for a boy. He's wearing a Beastie Boys t-shirt and a pair of boxers.

Edward is sleeping on my couch, the very couch we fucked on, in his underwear. Spooning my father's quilt and not smelling like fish. He smells like he just stepped out of the shower.

His wallet and keys are sitting on the table in front him. A familiar pattern of blue hearts and brown thread is visible beneath his keys. For a moment I wonder if he had another bracelet made and why on Earth he would do such a thing.

"I found it in your glove box." His voice is scratchy and deep. It reminds me of sex. So does this room and this couch, his smell, that bracelet. Breathing. "I was looking for some napkins to wipe down the door."

Oh my God. Edward cleaned up my puke.

"I am so embarrassed. God, I'm sorry about all that." I'm still looking at his keys and my bracelet. I haven't thought about that bracelet since the last time I slammed that glove box closed in the parking lot of PA High almost two years ago. I tried so thoroughly to erase him and that stupid bracelet has been with me the entire time.

"How are you feeling?" he asks as he sits up.

It's the question of the century. Twisted up, tangled, confused…hung over. "Like shit."

He stands and rummages through his bag for a few moments before stepping into a pair of jeans right in front of me. I turn my back and quickly walk toward the kitchen.

"Oh, come on, Bella," he calls out from behind me. "It isn't like you haven't seen it before."

_How can he be playful at a time like this?_

I want to cry or rip his clothes off and fuck him, and he's laughing. And getting dressed in front of me was evil. I'm going to picture those jeans coming to rest on his hips a million times or more.

He walks into the kitchen as I pop open a can of Coke and down a packet of BC. I need relief.

"Let's get breakfast at the diner," he suggests.

I get a little distracted as he lifts his shirt a little to scratch his side. Damn. The boy has some serious abs now.

"Bella?" He tilts his head. "Are you still feeling sick?"

_No, not sick. Definitely not sick. _

"No, I'm not sick. I'm hungry, but I really don't want to eat, you know?"

"You need a fried egg and some bacon. Greasy food helps, I promise."

"Fine. I'll go, but I'm going to eat toast. Maybe. Um, can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"What are you doing here?"

"I asked your dad if I could tag along on his fishing trip. I haven't been in years, and it's something I should have made time for a long time ago."

"Oh." I'm at a loss and feel a need to run as far and as fast as I can to get away from whatever this shift is.

It scares me. It scares the living shit out of me because it is different than before. I've never felt so trapped in all of my life. I know what it is like to be without him. I can't go back to that. Fuck. Maybe Leah was right.

"Where is Emmett?" I ask as we step outside.

"We traded rides for the weekend. Are you ready to go?"

"I guess. I'm going to take my truck. I need to see Renee and Phil later."

Charlie's cruiser is in the lot when we get to the diner. "Uh…how mad was my dad last night?" I ask as Edward holds the door open for me.

"He wasn't mad. He was worried."

Dad isn't worried now. Right now, he is leaning across a table, smiling at Alice's mother like I haven't seen him smile at anyone in the longest time.

Hacking up my guts, ruining my favorite boots, and getting my ass kicked by foliage were all worth it.

-o-

**A/N-Hash is highly concentrated pot. Just say no.  
><strong>

**I'm so sorry about being a week late. I do have a couple of good reasons, I swear. My little girl turned nine last weekend, so I had tons of birthday party stuff to take care of. **

**I also spent some time working on "Boys Don't Cry." It's an EPOV of TGAG chapter 19 for the Fandom4TwiFanG compilation. I didn't know Gisela, but I do know what it is like to lose a loved one unexpectedly. The Memorial donation effort is closed, but the organizers are still taking donations for the Alzheimer's Association.  
><strong>

**In other news…**

**Since I promised myself I wouldn't write anything else until this story is done, I ended up as a judge for the Going For The Gold Twific Contest. I hope some of you are writing for it. I LOVE hot athletes. Oops. I meant to say I love the Olympics. Give us some great reading material…pretty please? The contest page is listed under my favorite authors and you can follow on Twitter at: Going4GoldFic. **

**Now, if you'll excuse me…my son starts middle school tomorrow, so I'm going to crawl away and assume the fetal position for the next few days. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**-MSC**


	27. Chapter 27

**S Meyer owns Twilight, and she created Mike Newton. I've tried to make him likable. **

**M, you're the best. **

**Big thanks to Maxipoo1024 for beta services. She's the bomb. **

**Any mistakes left are mine. **

**Warnings: Mention of implied abortion **

Chapter 27

_Give me a kiss before you leave me  
>And my imagination will feed my hungry heart<br>Leave me one thing before we part  
>A kiss to build a dream on<em>

_When I'm alone with my fancies...I'll be with you_  
><em>Weaving romances...making believe they're true<em>

_(A Kiss To Build A Dream On- Louis Armstrong)_

_-o-_

By moving weekend, Edward and I have established a routine. We see each other a couple of times during the week and once over the weekend. It's like dancing, with our time…with our words. But never touching.

Never ever touching.

Renee told me to skip my trip to PA since my room isn't ready.

"I need your help," I tell Edward over my shoulder as he follows me into the dining room at Charlie's house. "There's a contest, and Jasper says I should enter it. He calls it future resume material." He walks over to the table and leans over to look at the nine pictures spaced out evenly in groups of three across the surface. "I can only enter three categories, so I'm going with Landscape, Portrait, and Documentary. Do me a favor. Pick your favorite out of each group."

"Bella, I don't know anything about photography." He shakes his head. "I'm not going to be much help."

"Just tell me which ones are your favorites."

"Is this one of those girl tricks…I pick three pictures and your feelings get hurt for the other six?"

"Please stop joking around and just tell me which ones you think are best. Please. The submission packet has to be post marked by Monday." I know my favorites. Jasper picked the same ones, but now that it's go time I'm freaking out and having second thoughts. One more opinion can't hurt.

He chooses the same three I already planned to send. It's the little boost I need to package them with the entry paperwork.

Sealing the oversized envelope makes me freak out all over again. "This is dumb."

"What?"

"This whole contest thing. It's a dumb idea. Last year they had over two thousand entries."

"So?"

"So the chance of winning is slim." I leave the package on the table, but Edward blocks my path when I try to escape to the kitchen.

"Part of winning is learning how to lose," he says as he steps closer. "Coach says that all the time. He says what matters is the experience, because even when you lose, you learn something from it."

"I can't believe he preaches fortune cookie shit in the locker room."

"I'm serious, Bella. The pictures are perfect. Win or lose, they will still be perfect, and you'll be able to chalk up the experience."

"I think I'm going to need thicker skin if I'm really going to pursue photography."

He crosses his arms as he tilts his head and grins. "What you need -"

A loud pounding on my front door interrupts him. "Hold that thought," I tell him as I walk away.

Leah is standing with her arms crossed, hugging herself, sniffling, and crying on my porch. It's a look I recognize well.

Shit.

I wrap an arm around her, guiding her into the house and over to the couch. "I'm sorry," she says quietly. "I know you have company. I just…I just…" She buries her face in her hands.

"I think I'll see what Jasper is up to," Edward says, grabbing his jacket and backpack from the dining room.

"Let me walk him out," I tell Leah. "I'll be right back."

She doesn't answer, but it's because she's still snotting hysterically.

"I'll send Alice over," he says after I close the door behind us.

"You're really going to hang out with Jasper?" I honestly thought it was just an excuse to get away from girl tears.

"Why not? I'm not going to be working on Trig now," he says, purposefully hefting the backpack over his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I promised to help him with homework.

"It's okay. I could come back tomorrow…"

"Why don't I come to PA instead?" If I'd known offering to come to the Port would make him smile the way he is right now, I would have offered sooner. And often.

"My house?"

_Double shit. _

I was originally thinking we could shoot pool for a while after tutoring. I can't believe I forgot this is moving weekend. Now, I've backed myself into a corner. The movers will be busy between the three houses in Port Angeles. Edward's house is the only logical choice.

"I don't think -"

"My mom asks about you all the time." He's always been a sneaky boy. I see he's grown into a sneaky man.

I've been putting off my talk with Esme. I had quit without any notice. Correction: I had her son quit for me after I dumped him. How the hell am I supposed to apologize for that?

I know she doesn't expect it from me. She was nice to me at the hospital and the few times we were able to get a word in at the wedding, but I need to apologize for running out on her too.

"Let me see how this goes. I'll call you."

These are the moments I hate how well I know him. Any other girl probably wouldn't notice the way his lips purse for just a moment before he forces a grin. Disappointing him has never been easy for me, but I need time to think about this.

"Go inside before you freeze," he tells me. "We can reschedule for next week. It's not a big deal. Take care of Leah. Try not to OD on Molly Ringwald."

"Star Wars," I reply, crossing my arms to try to keep warm. Flannel is nice, but it's no match for this cold. "We watch Star Wars when boys break our hearts." I've probably watched it sixty times over the last couple of years.

This smile is small but real and makes me want to kiss it off his face. "Of course you do." He leans in for the briefest moment, staring at my lips, and I have just enough time to ask myself if I should let it happen but not enough time to reach an answer, before he comes to his senses and backs away.

I'm glad one of us has a brain.

We're constantly dealing with all of this residual…stuff. There are moments I feel time warped, freaked out, and wrapped up in old emotions. They're rare, but they happen. Then there are brand new moments when things are comfortable and easy and talking to him about the dumbest parts of my day feels like Christmas.

"I'll call you," I repeat as I open the door.

"Okay." He nods, walking backwards until he reaches the top step. "See ya."

I'll admit to leaving the door cracked and watching him walk down the stairs. He has a really nice back. Leah's sniffles distract me as he makes it to the Volvo. Feeling guilty, I close the door and turn to face her.

Looking at her bloodshot eyes and pink cheeks is a reminder of all the reasons I shouldn't even be thinking about kissing Edward.

I sit down next to her, holding out my arm. She leans against me, and I let her cry.

Edward hadn't been joking about tracking Alice down. She shows up fifteen minutes later with a half gallon of chocolate chip ice cream and Magic Shell. Carmen arrives five minutes later with four orders of chili cheese fries from the diner. It looks like Edward was pretty serious about me entering the contest too. I'm assuming that's why the entry package is missing from the dining room table when the girls and I sit down to kill our food.

Leah has calmed down enough to pick at her fries as the rest of us chow down. When we're done, Carmen suggests the back porch. We smoke a fat one and listen as Leah makes every one of us hate Brent Mallory's ass.

He's been break-up sexin' his ex-girlfriend for the last month. Leah called in sick at the library today, drove to the Port, waited for him to come out, and followed him to some girl's house. She called him out, and the other chick went ballistic on him.

"Oh, Leah. You followed him?" I whisper, horrified that she did it and that she felt the need to.

"I know," she says, shaking her head. "Things have been so weird. I knew something was wrong on Christmas. I showed up at his apartment with that cool Escher tie wrapped up in a funky little box. He liked it a lot. He told me to wait, and he went into his room for a few minutes. When he came out, he gave me a copy of his band's demo with a bow on it." She blows her nose. "The fucker didn't even wrap it."

Carmen laughs just long enough for the rest of us to give her dirty looks. "Sorry." She shrugs. "Gimme a break. I'm stoned and that was funny…in a _God, this really sucks but damn he coulda wrapped it_ way."

"Speaking of wrapping it, PLEASE tell me you were still being careful with him," Alice begs.

This brings on a new round of tears and sobs and leaves the rest of us silent. Fucking a guy who fucks around with no condom is no joke. "Did you miss any pills this month?" I ask automatically. The last thing we need is a love child added to this train wreck.

"No. No way."

That's good. It's one thing we can cross off the list.

We distract her with weed and Harrison Ford for a while. Around nine, someone bangs on my front door.

It's Brent, and I refuse to let him in, choosing to join him on the porch instead.

"Come on, Bella," he begs. "You've got to let me talk to her."

"Over my dead, rotting corpse," I tell him with a smile.

"I'm not going away until I talk to her." He crosses his arms and leans against the porch rail.

"You will leave, or I'll call my father. You might live in PA now, but you're on my property…MY DAD'S property. She doesn't want to talk to you."

"I was going to break it off," he insists.

Now I'm ready to kick his ass. Shifting, I place my hand on my hip and narrow my eyes. "With who?" He stands, gaping at me, unable to answer.

"She's moving to Portland or Seattle," he finally manages.

_Eighteen…eighteen…eighteen… _

Violence is not the answer.

"What is that? Your excuse?" I glare at him. "She meant what she said earlier…it's over. She hasn't changed her mind. She's not going to. As far as she's concerned, it's done."

"Bella, please."

"No. I'm going to be honest with you, so you should listen. My 'first' cheated on me too. It took me a year to forgive him, and we'd been tight since diapers."

If she wanted to talk to him, I would let her. I wouldn't be happy about it, but I would do it. As it stands, all four of us would like to stab him repeatedly, and Leah seemed damn serious when she said she never wanted to see him again. Inviting him into my house would be a very bad idea.

I leave him standing outside in the cold and rejoin the girls inside. We decide to give it ten minutes. If he isn't gone in ten, we'll call the station.

He leaves in five.

The rest of the night is weed, ice cream, _Reservoir Dogs, _and repeated warnings from Leah to never trust a guy who has a Decepticon tattoo.

The girls sleep over and Sunday afternoon, I drive to the Port when they leave to go home. I hadn't called Edward last night. I hadn't called him before leaving Forks today either. Because I'm a complete psycho, I drive by his house to see if he's home. The Volvo is parked out front, and my foot presses harder on the gas pedal. God. If he busts me doing a drive by, I'll pack my shit and move to Florida tomorrow.

I am a creepy stalker.

After turning the corner, I park on the street in front of a random house to give myself a moment to figure out what to do. It's not stalking if you're invited. He most definitely invited me.

It's so hard for me to imagine stepping foot in his house again.

Then it hits me. He's been doing it for me for weeks…meeting on my terms, on my turf. This is my chance to make an effort.

I shift into first and pull away from the curb. This time when I drive down his street, I park in front of his house, and before I lose my nerve, I power walk all the way to his front door. Now that I'm here, I'm impatient. I ring the doorbell three times, shifting my weight from foot to foot as I wait.

Edward answers the door wearing flannel pajama bottoms and a gray v-neck t-shirt. He looks tired, but he grins. "I thought you were going to call."

"Were you still in bed?"

"Yeah," he says, scrubbing his hand across his jaw. "I wasn't sleeping. I was being lazy and catching up on some reading for English." He opens the door wide and waves me inside. "Give me a sec. I'll get dressed."

It's hard for me to nod because I like him in pajamas. It's a good look. So good, I have to make myself look at my feet to keep from checking out his ass as he walks up the stairs.

To his room.

I wonder if it's different now. It could be exactly the same. I'm not sure which option is worse.

The downstairs is exactly the same. It even smells the same, like vanilla and coffee.

There are magazines on the table in the living room, and the TV remote is sitting on the left armrest of Carlisle's recliner. It could be nineteen ninety two, I swear.

The kitchen is different. It's been painted a pale yellow, and there's a border just below the ceiling. Edward walks in as I sit on one of the stools at the bar.

He opens the fridge and takes out a carton of milk. "You want some?" he asks, holding it up.

"Nah. I'm good." He smiles, reaching in with his other hand and pulling out Hershey's chocolate syrup. "No fair," I complain. "You didn't say anything about chocolate. I've changed my mind."

"Alright," he says, taking two glasses down from the cabinet. "One muddy chocolate milk coming right up."

He knows I like more chocolate than milk, and he makes it just right. His own glass of milk just looks like regular milk. I don't know why he even bothers with the tiny bit of chocolate he puts in it.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asks as he sits on the stool next to mine. "You looked upset when I walked in."

"I'm fine."

He shakes his head, looking away. "Really, Bella?" he asks quietly. "You didn't look fine."

"It's hard to explain."

"Try."

This is like handing my heart over, one spoonful at a time. "I just got a little freaked out about sitting in your kitchen. It's been so long…" I can't finish.

"Hey." He leans forward, taking my right hand between both of his. "Would you believe me if I told you it gets easier?"

"Is this hard for you sometimes?"

"You have no idea," he answers. "But other times, it's as easy as breathing."

"We're a mess," I tell him.

"We'll figure it out." He squeezes lightly before letting go and leaning back in his seat. "Are you ready to tackle Trig?"

I'm so thankful he knows me, knows when to back off.

After a half hour of Cofunction Identities, the sound of the garage door is a welcome distraction. Esme walks into the kitchen a few moments later carrying a brown paper sack full of groceries.

"Can you get the rest, Edward?"

She sets the bag on the counter as he walks away. "How are you, Bella?"

"I'm good. School is busy, but I'm good. How's business?"

"Busy. Always, always busy. I had brunch with a potential client this morning, and now I have to make three dozen chocolate dipped strawberries for one of Carlisle's co-workers. Tomorrow is his anniversary."

"I could help." It would give me a chance to talk to her.

"You don't have to do that."

"Well, Edward still has homework to finish, and I don't have anything else to do."

"Alright."

Edward walks in carrying two overstuffed bags, one in each arm.

When he goes back outside after sitting them on table, I turn to Esme. I don't want to do it in front of Edward. "I need to talk to you, privately if possible."

She nods as he walks back into the room with two more sacks. This time, he closes the door behind him, so I assume he's done.

"Thank you," she tells him. Before he can sit, she tells him, "Your clothes are folded and waiting for you in the laundry room."

"Now?" he scowls.

"I can't believe your mom still does your laundry. You're a grown man, Edward."

"She doesn't do my laundry." He shakes his head in denial.

"Whatever, man," I tease.

He grumbles but follows her instructions, leaving us alone.

"He'll probably rush through it to get back down here, so we only have a few minutes," she says once he's upstairs.

"I just wanted to apologize for quitting the way I did. I didn't give you any kind of notice or a letter of resignation or anything. I didn't even have the guts to tell you myself. I'm so sorry."

"Thank you."

It can't be that simple. Only with her, it is.

She and I dip the strawberries while Edward finishes his Trig. Thankfully, she bought extra strawberries. She shakes her head every time I slip up and eat one.

On my way back to Forks, I stop at the new house in time to have dinner with Renee and Phil. The movers have finished. Now, it's just a matter of unpacking. I promise to come back during the week if I can to help out.

I call in sick for the first time ever on Monday so I can make the trip with Leah to Port Angeles after school. She looks absolutely petrified as we sit in the waiting room at the free clinic. The only thing I can really do is hold her hand, so that's what I do.

I offer to go back with her when they call her name, but she says she's fine and that she'll see me in a few.

As soon as the door swings closed behind her, I flee the room. There are two girls my age sitting in there, pregnant, alone, and looking just as scared as Leah was.

If I'm being honest, I'm scared too. Brent is a really good looking guy, and he's the lead singer in a punk band. It's not like he has ever had to look very far for play. If he gave her something, I'll have to kill him.

I stay outside, chain smoking and worrying until she pushes through the exit door with a miserable look on her face.

_Oh no. _

"What's wrong?" I whisper.

"Nothing," she says. "Not yet, anyway. I'm clean for all the normal stuff. The doctor said Herpes could take years to show up, and HIV results take six to twelve weeks. He said I need to follow up with HIV tests every six months for the next five years if this first one is negative." Her eyes water as her fists ball at her side, and I'm not sure who she's angrier with…Brent or herself.

She's quiet in the truck on the way back to Forks. We both are. She's nursing her broken heart, and I'm wondering what it will do to her.

Over the next few weeks, she surprises us.

She throws herself into the final revisions of the yearbook and accepts Eric Yorkie's invitation to prom.

What a hooker. She'll do anything for a new dress.

We also find out our class ranks during the second week of February. Leah is the Salutatorian and will have to give a speech at graduation. I am so freaking glad she aced Phys Ed the last three years, and I didn't. Third place is cool. Third place doesn't have to make a corny, bullshit speech in front of all of Forks. That's what graduation is like in a tiny town like this.

"Are you going to this thing at Emmett's house Saturday night?" I ask Edward later over the phone. Elliot invited Carmen to Em's birthday shindig and asked her to invite the rest of us.

"I have to. We're related, remember?"

"God, this sucks. The last thing I want to do is hang out with Rosalie Hale."

"Just ignore her. I do."

"I guess I'll have to. I missed Em's birthday last year, and it would be shitty of me to skip out, even if his girlfriend is a heinous bitch."

"He's going to Peninsula so he can stay here with her."

I shove away the yearbook proofs I've been working on during our conversation. "Really?"

"I know."

I sigh. "Maybe we should hit him over the head or something. I was really hoping he would take the deal from Tennessee."

"So was Aunt Carol."

"Are there going to be other people from the team there?"

"Yeah, but they're cool, Bella. It's not like before. It's really not."

Saturday night proves him right. The guys on the team now are much nicer. There is more beer present than liquor, and there's no sign of coke. It's weird seeing people like Tanya and Heidi again. I haven't thought about those girls in years.

Heidi doesn't say a word to me, choosing to walk away when Tanya stays to talk Carmen and me for a few minutes. When Rosalie shows up, I say a quick goodbye to Tanya and pull Carmen down to Emmett's game room.

Jasper and Edward are gaming as Alice, Emmett, Elliot, and Leah watch. Carmen sits on Elliot's lap and the way his hand moves to rest on her thigh makes me happy. He's affectionate, and she needs that so, so much.

"Can we watch TV? This is boring," Leah complains.

"It is kinda boring for the rest of us," I agree.

"You two were so much nicer when you were getting off regularly," Jasper says.

Kill me now.

"Oh yeah?" Leah leans forward. "How's that magic button working out for you, J?"

"Oh for fuck's sake," I say, standing up. "I'm going outside for a smoke." This is embarrassing. I can't believe he called us out like that.

"There's a magic button?" Emmett asks. "Is that like a toy or something?"

"No, you idiot, it's a clit. If you touch it, she will come. Haven't any of you ever watched porn?" Leah asks dramatically. "There's a REASON the chick touches herself…"

"I gotta go," I tell Alice, leaving her sitting as she watches Leah instruct a room of people about clitoral etiquette.

"You watch porn?" Emmett asks loudly as Carmen follows me up the stairs.

I side-eye her when we get to the kitchen. "Like I'm going to leave you alone for a minute at a PA party. Get real," she says as we walk outside.

We smoke half of a joint, and she listens as I bitch about Jasper's mouth. It's a strange complaint since he hardly ever talks, but it's a valid one because he says some crazy shit when he does.

"Do you think it's safe to go back in there yet?" I ask her as she stubs it.

Before she can answer, the back door opens, and Rosalie walks out carrying a bottle of Goldschlager in one hand and two shot glasses in the other. "Time for us to bury the hatchet," she says as she walks over to me.

"You're gonna need a bigger bottle, sweetie," Carmen tells her with narrowed eyes.

"It's fine," I tell her. "I gave up the booze, remember?" Ignoring Rosalie is immature, but at this moment, I don't care. She can say whatever she wants to say. I'm not going to make it easy for her.

"Oh, right," Carmen teases. "The night you gold medaled in yakking."

I sigh. Rosalie is still standing a few feet away with a determined look on her face. "I don't think she's going to go away," I tell Carmen. "Go inside without me. I'll be right behind you." I turn to face Rosalie. "This won't take long."

Rosalie waits until Carmen walks into the house and closes the door behind her to open the bottle. She fills both shot glasses.

"I wasn't kidding. I don't do hard liquor anymore."

"Have it your way," she says, picking up one and slamming it. She sits the empty on the deck rail and picks up the second shot, downing it quickly.

If she's looking to get fucked up tonight, she's off to a great start. I could out-drink her, I'm sure, but my stomach turns at the thought of alcohol.

"In seventh grade, I had braces, and I was still wearing a training bra," she says.

"That's nice." Jesus. I didn't come to this party to hear about Rosalie's tits.

"I was a complete and total dweeb," she continues, ignoring my sarcasm. "Emmett and I had four classes together that year." She smiles, pouring a third shot. "He was the only boy who talked to me at all that entire school year. We sat together at lunch, and he teased me and picked on me for being quiet until I finally started talking more." She takes a break to take the shot. "Can I have one of those?" she asks, pointing to the Camel box on the table next to me.

I take one out and hand it to her wordlessly. She pulls a lighter from her coat pocket and lights it, inhaling deeply. She exhales slowly, watching the clouds of smoke before continuing. "We were friends. I liked him. I REALLY liked him."

I light up too. I can already tell I'm going to need a smoke for this.

"The summer before eighth, the braces came off, and I graduated to real bras. Then you came along," she says. "Perfect, awesome Bella with black eyeliner and combat boots. I got so tired of hearing him talk nonstop about you."

"You've been a bitch to me for five years because you didn't feel like sharing Emmett's friendship?" This is such a waste of time. I really don't want to get irritated with Rosalie. Not caring at all is so much better.

"I've been a bitch to you because I don't like you. I'm explaining why I don't like you."

I roll my eyes. I can't help it. This is the weirdest fucking apology. Ever.

"The day of our mid-term exams, I walked out of English behind you and Angela and overheard you tell her you aced it. You bragged about barely studying." How she can remember a silly moment like that from five years ago is beyond my comprehension. "I stayed up all night studying, and I got a C."

"So far, I'm getting that you hate me because Em thinks I'm awesome, and I get good grades?"

"It wasn't just Emmett," she snips. "Everybody was talking about you. The girls all hated you for being new and for actually being different. The boys all wanted to know who you were. And the thing that bothered me the most was that you had all that attention and you didn't even appreciate it. I would have killed for someone to notice me back then, especially Emmett. For the longest time, I thought you two were fuck buddies." I make a face, and she cackles. "He did the same thing!"

Yeah, she's drunk or at least on her way.

"Everything came to you so easily," she continues. "Even after I made the squad and landed Royce, people were always judging me and watching us. I know there were rumors that he messed around. Seeing you and Edward in your own little world, not giving a shit about anyone, drove me nuts. You had the perfect life. Do you know how hard Irina tried to get his attention?"

Drunk or not, she's pissing me off. I don't want to hear any of this. "You should stop now, Rosalie."

She doesn't. "I didn't OD on diet pills," she says quietly. "I was dehydrated from throwing up for three days straight. I was pregnant. It turns out that doubling up the next day doesn't always work." She laughs bitterly before swallowing and lowering her gaze to the ground. "My parents threatened to disown me. Royce called me a whore and said it wasn't his…I had no one. I was only sixteen."

She pours another shot. I nudge the empty, pushing it towards her. "I'll take one." I don't know if she lost her baby or made a choice. Either would have hurt like hell. I hate that for her, but it doesn't change anything. There won't be any hatchet burying, but the least I can do is have a shot with her. I down it quickly and try not to get distracted by the leftover burn of cinnamon on my tongue.

"You were the only person, other than Tanya, who spoke to me when I came back to school. And there I was…hating you again for being nice."

"Okay. I get it. You hate me. Is there a point to any of this?"

"I didn't know Edward was going to lose it when I told him what happened. You might not believe me, but I was trying to make things right. He saw you with your friends at the play. It…well, he…he had some rough moments. I felt bad for him. He was talking about you, and all I could think of was the way he turned Irina down, over and over again and that day in the gym when you asked if I was okay."

I've regretted that moment since the night Edward confronted me on my porch. I've kicked myself over and over for showing her any mercy at all. "And you thought what exactly? That he would be happy about it?" She had to know it would piss him off. "Or maybe you wanted him to be pissed as a way to get back at Royce. That sounds more _you." _

"Maybe not having you around hurt Emmett. Maybe I wanted to fix that. Maybe I felt sorry for Edward and bad for what I did. There are a lot of reasons, but none of them have anything to do with Royce."

I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to say to any of that. It's hard for me to imagine Rosalie doing anything out of the goodness of her heart. I only know she has one because I watched it break.

"Look, I feel bad about what happened to you, but it doesn't change the fact that you've been a complete and total bitch to me for years. I won't talk shit about you to Emmett anymore, and I can be polite if you can, but that's about it." Being civil to the girl for a few months won't kill me.

"I had no idea Ben was going to…do what he did. I don't like you, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"Then we're even."

"Another?"

"No, I really am giving up the hard booze." A beer buzz doesn't hurt nearly as bad the next day, and beer has never landed me in the bushes. "Can I ask you a question?"

"I guess," she slurs.

She's nice and drunk, and it may be wrong of me to take advantage of the situation, but I just can't stand not knowing anymore. "What was he like when he was with Angela? Was he happy?"

The moment the words are out, I want them back. The questions I don't want answered are the ones I can't get out of my head.

I'm not breathing, waiting for her to reply.

She laughs, long and hard until she snorts. "The only place Edward was ever 'with' Angela was inside her crazy, psycho little head."

"My mom and Phil said they were dating." There is no way they would have lied about it. They knew how much it hurt me.

"Lots of people thought they were together. She followed him around like a puppy dog."

"And Edward?"

"He told her he wasn't into her like that, but he was too nice to tell her to fuck off until she went completely mental. Esme fired her…it was awesome." She claps. She actually fucking claps as she laughs.

"Why didn't he tell me that at the hospital?"

"Would it have mattered? We saw your boyfriend in the parking lot when I went out for a smoke." She gives me a critical glance and shakes her head. "I still don't get the fuss."

At least she's consistent. Even drunk, she can't stand me.

I've lost count of how many shots she's had, but when she pours this time, she spills more on the rail than in the glass. I should shut her down now before she ends up challenging my medal.

"Stay here, princess. I'll send Emmett for you." I grab the bottle and take it with me into the house. Edward, Jasper, Alice and Emmett are standing in the kitchen, and Emmett looks mildly alarmed that I'm alone and wielding a liquor bottle. He takes it from me when I hold it between us. "I had one shot. She had…" I wave my hand at the bottle "…the rest."

"Shit." He sounds tired and irritated at the same time.

"Sorry."

"It's cool."

Alice waits until Emmett is out the door to take my hand. "Pee break," she announces as she pulls me down the hall through Em's parents' bedroom and into the master bathroom. She wasn't kidding about peeing, so I turn my back to give her some privacy and let her grill me over what happened with Rosalie.

"She's a real treat," she mutters as she washes her hands. "You want to burn one?"

"Nah. I'm still a bit stoned, but I'll walk out with you."

The others follow us, except Emmett. He's busy putting Rosalie to bed. I don't know if I should feel bad for the girl or just laugh it off. The second option is more fun, so I go with it.

Edward steps out of the circle when the joint comes around. This is the fourth time I've seen Edward turn down weed since we started talking again.

I join him on the bottom step away from the crowd. "Are you Mr. JustSayNo now? If you tell me I have to give up the ganja, this friendship thing is over, Cullen." I suck at trying to sound serious. Half giggling ruins the effect.

"I'm not asking you to give up anything. You're funny when you're stoned."

"What am I when I'm not stoned?"

Watching Edward have an "oh shit" moment is entertaining. First, his mouth closes then his brow furrows. He's buying time to figure out what to say. Finally, he drags his palm across his mouth.

"Sleeping?"

"Seriously, Edward?"

"You're always funny." He scratches his head before looking away. "I was kidding."

"You don't smoke weed anymore?"

"Not really. I developed a bit of an aversion to the way it smells."

"So now I stink?"

He stands up and slowly takes a few steps, keeping his back to me. "You smell like weed and flowers. You always have. Weed doesn't smell very good without the flowers." Again, he's left me speechless.

"I only went out with boys who chewed minty gum," I finally manage.

He turns around to face me. "I don't know what you heard, but I didn't go out with any other girls."

"Maggie?" Asking is throwing every bit of my pride on the ground, but something is happening here and I need to know.

He swallows. "I didn't _go out _with her."

I just nod. I don't want to know the details. The _when_ doesn't matter either. It was physical. He didn't love her, and I hate that I'm both relieved and jealous at the same time. We were broken up. It doesn't matter. This makes no fucking sense.

"I was with Riley for a while. I wasn't an angel." I may not have had sex with him, but we did other stuff, lots of other stuff.

"I'm not stupid, Bella. The wedding wasn't the first time I saw you with him."

"Were you spying on me?"

"No, I was playing basketball with Sam and Elliot one Saturday morning in Sam's lot when you walked out of his apartment."

"Oh my God. I only spent the night with him at his apartment once, a few days after I met him."

"Thanks for sharing that info. Awesome."

"No, I mean, we didn't even kiss until after I turned eighteen."

"Do you love him?" he asks, looking at the ground. With his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped, he looks younger. Like a boy. Like my boy.

"I care about him," I tell him. Lying now won't do either of us any good. "I should have loved him, but I didn't. I don't."

"What do you want from me, Bella?" he asks quietly.

_Nothing. Everything. I don't know. I just don't know. _

"Time." It's the one thing we're running out of, but I need it. My life is spiraling so far out of control right now I can barely get to sleep at night.

I think about the girls and wonder how we'll heal each others' hearts when we're in four different cities.

I think about my mom. We're finally getting along, and I'm leaving.

I worry about Charlie. He's been working night shift every week since he and Jeanette started dating, and he meets her at the diner every morning for breakfast and coffee. What if it doesn't work out?

I'd be lying if I said I don't think about Edward. He's the one who keeps me up at night. In the past, I wasted my nights thinking about all of the things I could have done differently.

I can't stop thinking about what could be…now…in the future.

It's emotional warfare.

Yes, I want it. But I wanted it before too. I wanted it so much I was afraid to even think about it. I talk shit about marriage and babies, but there was a time I imagined that kind of life with him, dreamed about it even.

Losing him almost killed me because it killed every dream and every bit of hope I ever had. Now that I have new dreams and other things to hope for, I can't afford to walk into this blindly. I don't know if I could survive round two.

"I got a call this week from North Carolina State," he says quietly.

Another reminder, another reason, one more brick on the invisible wall between us…

The universe is seriously fucking with me right now.

I asked for one little sign to hook me up. All I wanted was a little enlightenment. Instead, the signs keep comin' and pulling me in different directions.

"Are you thinking about it?"

"It's not my first choice, but it could work. Dad and I are going to check it out over Spring Break."

"That's great." I don't know if I manage to sound sincere or not. It's the thought that counts.

"Time isn't an issue, Bella. You can have it. North Carolina isn't an issue. It's an eight hour drive to St. Augustine. Time and distance…those things don't matter."

"They don't, do they?" We've had both, and here we are.

"Not with us."

Finally, fucking finally, I think we're talking about the same thing.

He helps me up, and there's a moment I want to throw my arms around him and hold on. Somehow, I don't think that would be fair to either of us, so I don't do it.

I need to get my head straight first.

When I get back to Forks Sunday night, Charlie isn't home. There are two envelopes on the dining room table, both addressed to me. The one on bottom is huge, and it's from Flagler. I don't have to open it to know I got in. It isn't my first acceptance packet, but it is the one I want.

I'm moving to Florida.

I celebrate by dancing around the table and then sit and cry until there aren't any more tears.

I rip into the smaller envelope and pull out a folded letter.

It's an invitation to an awards ceremony being held at a framing shop in Seattle next month. Two of my pics made it to the finals of the Washington State High School Photography Competition.

Charlie's phone is the closer option, so I use it to call Edward.

"Remember the contest you forced me to enter?" I ask when he answers.

"Uh…if I remember correctly, you were already entering. I just found a clever way to make sure you couldn't back out."

"You mean a sneaky way. Anyway, I've made it to the finals in two categories."

"Documentary?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad. That one is my favorite."

"Mine too."

"Why have you been crying? Because of the contest? Making it to the finals is a big deal -"

"No, it isn't that," I interrupt. "It's dumb really."

"I'm sure it isn't."

"I got a packet from Flagler, the fat kind."

"I hope they were happy tears," he says, laughing. "You talk about St. Augustine like it's the promised land, and Flagler is your number one pick…please tell me they were happy tears."

"To be honest, I think I cried every type of tear imaginable." Even I can hear how tired and nasally I sound.

"This is good, Bella. It's what you want."

"It is," I agree. The trouble is it isn't the only thing I want.

Baseball season officially starts and so do practices. Phil makes them work on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Edward and I still make time to hang out on the weekends, but sometimes we just can't make it work during the week, and that's cool.

My desk in Calculus is next to the wall, and I've fallen asleep while leaning against it several times after late night phone calls.

PA's first game of the season is on a Friday afternoon. It's all Carmen talks about during lunch. She's dying to see Elliot in uniform. As we're leaving the cafeteria, she invites me to come to the game with her.

The idea of watching Edward play again makes me ridiculously happy so I agree to go with her.

We sit in the PA stands this time on the third row behind first base. Renee is sitting with Carlisle and Esme in the next section, and they all wave before the game starts. Elliot walks out of the dugout scanning the crowd, looking for Carmen. When he spots us, he waves as he nudges Edward in the back with his other elbow. I'm glad I was already sitting down.

Wow.

He's always looked good in his uniform, but this is just ridiculous because now…now he has the uniform and the hair. Phil doesn't give a damn how his players wear their hair. Thank God. They all put on caps before the game starts anyway.

For a minute, Edward just looks confused, but then he mouths the word "hey" and smiles so hard it feels like a physical blow to my chest.

It's easier to enjoy the game today than it ever was in the past. No one is whispering or watching me. Hell, I only recognize half the people here, and the other half has no idea who I am. Carmen and I check out the guys on both teams, and we cheer accordingly whenever PA does something awesome.

They win.

Afterward, we all go to Pam's. Phil and Renee show up too, and he pays the tab for everyone the way a rich guy should. I'm smooshed between the wall and Edward thanks to some sophomore kid that decided to squeeze in at our table. It's not so bad though because our sides are touching and he's rockin' the shower smell.

He walks me to the truck while Carmen and Elliot say their goodbyes. They linger the way flirty couples do as I warm up in the truck with the window rolled down so I can still talk to Edward.

"I'm really glad you came to the game."

"I'm glad too." Staring at him for nine innings was worth it. Watching him play and being awesome is even better. "I might even try it again sometime."

"We have a game next Saturday morning at nine…if you want to try it then."

"I can't," I tell him, shaking my head. "I'll be in Seattle for the contest thing."

The hopeful little smile disappears. "That's next weekend?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Because it isn't a big deal. Renee and I are making the trip Friday night and we'll be home by Sunday afternoon."

"I wish I could be there."

I almost tell him, "Maybe next time," but if there is a next time, he'll probably be eight hours away.

Carmen opens the passenger door and climbs into the cab. Elliot leans in for one more kiss and then shuts the door for her.

"I'll call you later," I tell Edward as he steps back and away from the truck.

"Thanks again."

Carmen waits until we're on the long, dark stretch between PA and home to speak.

"What the hell are you waiting for?" she asks.

"I don't know." If I knew, I could make it happen. Then I wouldn't have to wait for it anymore.

"It's not like you haven't already been there, done that, and burned the t-shirt."

"Ha ha. It isn't that simple."

"Jesus, Bella. It isn't as complicated as you're making it either. Do you even pay attention to the way he looks at you? I know you think you've both changed, and sure, you have in some ways, but the way he looks at you hasn't changed at all."

"It's different," I insist. "New. This is different and the same."

"Are you high? Did you smoke without me?"

"No. I'm not stoned. I'm confused."

"Bullshit," she says before lighting a Marlboro. "You're not confused. You're stubborn and petrified. Oh, and in case you didn't already know, you're also in love."

"You are an asshole."

"For trying to help you work out your shit and get back together with the love of your life?" she asks dramatically. "Okay."

"What if we fuck it up again?"

She shrugs. "What if you don't?"

"I don't know if I can be with him because I know I'll want him for good. It is borderline moronic to think in terms of forever. We're still so young."

"My parents met when they were seventeen. They're still driving each other nuts and pawing each other in the kitchen. It can happen, Bella."

"Or one of us could decide ten years from now that it was all a rotten mistake."

"Are you listening to yourself? You've already married him, had kids, and divorced him in your head. I know you don't want to hear this, but your parents just weren't right for each other. For each other, B. That has nothing to do with you. It didn't then, and it certainly doesn't now. You are not your parents."

I'm not my parents. Well, I'm a walking, talking mix of all of their negative traits combined, but I'm not them.

The week passes quickly, and on Friday, Renee and I make the trip to Seattle. It rains the entire time we're on the road, adding almost an hour to the drive.

Phil reserves suites for us at the Sorrento Hotel. The bellhop offers to take our luggage to our rooms so we can hit the hotel restaurant for dinner. After driving more than five hours in the rain, neither of us wants to go out again tonight for any reason.

The next morning is an entirely different story. She's energized and ready to shop. We spend the morning at her favorite mall. She buys several pairs of shorts for me, reminding me that in Jacksonville, I'll need shorts. She also springs for three new swimsuits.

We arrive several minutes early for the awards ceremony. All of the finalists are on display, separated by category around the store. People are milling about, looking at the different photos and having quiet conversations.

"Bella, look," Renee says, tugging on my sleeve.

Phil and Edward are standing at the store entrance, soaked and a little out of breath, but they're here. She waves to catch their attention, and as they walk across the room, I can't help but notice what Edward has in his hand.

It's the prettiest arrangement of wild flowers I've ever seen, stems cut short and tied with a lavender ribbon. "These are for you," he tells me, holding them between us. "For luck."

Good luck flowers. "You drove for hours in the rain to bring me good luck flowers?" I ask quietly.

He smiles when our fingers touch as he places them in my hand. "I came to see you win."

"What if I don't?"

He shoves his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as he pretends to think about it. "Then I'll take you out for a cheeseburger and a chocolate shake."

"What about your game?" I ask.

"The field is flooded, and it's still raining. They called it around seven this morning. We'll make it up later."

"You must have driven like a maniac," Renee says to Phil.

"Not me," he teases. "I let Edward drive since my car is already here." She drags him away quickly to show off my work.

"I'm guessing you broke every traffic law in the state of Washington," I tease Edward once we're alone.

"Not all of them," he answers with a grin.

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Maybe. Is it working?"

"Maybe."

"Good."

When he reaches for my free hand, I let him take it. Now that he's here, I can admit that I wanted him to be.

I had never asked because I knew they had a game today. Renee had told me as much when we were making plans for our trip. During baseball season, a busy Phil had meant a busy Edward too.

We sit through Architecture, Animal, and Landscape before they announce the winners for Portrait. I don't place, and my feelings aren't even all that hurt. The winners are all awesome work, and I don't feel cheated at all. Maybe Edward was right, and I should just stop taking everything so freakin' seriously.

Win or lose, this has been a fun trip. The best prize of the day is already in my hand. _He gave me flowers. He wanted to be here. _I win.

Edward is happier than I am, I think, when I score a Second Place in Documentary and earn a spot on the stage and a place on the wall for ninety days.

"I think you were robbed," Edward whispers in my ear as we walk over to inspect my ribbon.

"Nah. I'm cool with it."

It's a picture from New Year's Eve at the res. Hannah is standing several feet away from the fire but still in its glow. Jake is on one knee behind her pointing to the sky. Her little hands are tucked just beneath her chin, fingers entwined. It almost looks like she's praying, except for the huge smile on her face and her wide eyes.

"Do you know why this one is my favorite?" he asks, pausing to take a step forward. He's just close enough for me to feel him. It isn't enough, so I lean back against his chest. "If you hadn't told me about Jake's troubles…if I hadn't talked to him myself at your house that night, I would have never guessed he had a care in the world looking at this picture. It's like a fairy tale. She's a tiny little princess, and he looks at her like she's…everything. You made that moment last forever."

He's right. I can't argue. I've taken a lot of pictures over the last two years, and this one is my very favorite. For all the same reasons he mentioned, and maybe because it reminds me of Charlie and me.

We hang around long enough to be polite before exiting with my mom and Phil. "Can I still take you for a burger and shake?" he asks.

"Are you driving back to the Port tonight?"

"I'm not sure yet."

"It seemed like a simple question."

"Well, I kind of just asked a complicated girl if I could take her to dinner, and my answer depends on hers."

"It sounds good, but I don't want to make you stay if you need to go home."

"I'd rather spend the rest of the day with you and then crash at my grandparents' house. We could ride back together tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Unless you already have plans…"

We see each other all the time, ask each other to hang out, but I'm choking on one invitation. This will change things. We should start with a date this time, a real date, before any kind of kissy face and/or hanky panky.

That's part of what got us into this mess in the first place. _It was a fun part, but still._

"Would you like to come with me to a play tonight? My friend Mike, well…you remember Mike?" He nods so I keep going. "He's in the _Angels in America _production at UW, and he's leaving two tickets for me at Will Call. Mom will be busy with Phil now. And it's cool if you don't want to go, I'm a total geek, and I get off on theater, but not everyone is like that."

_Did I seriously tell him that I GET OFF on theater?_

Shoot me now.

"Are you asking me out?" He does the evil grin because he knows I am, and he wants to make me say it. Bastard.

"Yeah, I think I am."

"I'd love to."

We stop walking when we reach the Volvo. It's hard not to freak out as he unlocks the passenger door for me. I'm cool as a cucumber on the outside, though. Passive and cool.

It smells exactly the same. I'm not sure what I expected, but it's leather and Edward just like it was back then.

I sneak a peek or two as he gets into the car. Everything is fine until he swings his keys on his finger before he searches out the right one for the ignition. What's left of my bracelet is tied to his key ring.

_He kept it. _

It had disappeared from my table that day with his wallet and his keys. I had assumed he'd gotten rid of it, but there it is. With him all the time.

I'm an idiot, a complete and total moron.

It's time to fix that.

He's sweet enough to take me by the Sorrento so I can change into jeans and put the flowers in water. I make him wait in the lobby because…yeah. The last thing we need is the temptation of a hotel room.

Jeans and flannel are more comfortable than the dress Renee made me wear. Well, she didn't make me, but she did offer me ten bucks to wear it. Money is money.

He takes me to some hole in the wall burger joint near UW. They have the best chocolate milkshakes I've ever tasted and Edward convinces me to try a chili burger. It's messy as hell, but he's eating one too and having the same issues I am, so it isn't as embarrassing as it should be.

Instead of judging me, he laughs when I spoon the extra chili from my wrapper onto my fries. Then he does the same.

We're early enough to get really good seats for the play. Mike's boyfriend Casey is somewhere in this audience, but I have no idea what he looks like. Well, other than the fact that he has brown hair and he's perfect. There are a lot of good looking men with dark hair in attendance.

Because I'm me, I cry. Mike's character, Joe Pitt, is a married man who struggles with his sexuality throughout the play, eventually leaving his wife for another man. Mike owns it. I'd even say he makes this part his bitch.

It feels like forever waiting for him after the show. When he finally comes outside, I attack him, jumping into his arms and maybe squealing a little.

"You were amazing," I tell him as he hugs me.

"You think so?" he asks, grinning as he pulls away.

"Yeah, I do."

"Something's different," he mumbles, studying my face. "You look different. Oh my God, is that a smile?"

"Shut up." I punch him in the gut. He laughs until he notices Edward standing behind me. "I, uh…hope that it's okay that he's here."

"Yeah, it's fine." He steps around me, extending his arm to shake Edward's hand. "What's up, man?"

"Not much," Edward answers. "You?"

They both seem a little uncomfortable until Mike's guy shows up. I have to give it to him, the dude is hot. He's stocky and a bit preppy with his baggy khakis and GAP hoodie.

And I'm right. Boy kissing is hot.

Edward looks stunned for moment, but he recovers nicely as Mike introduces us to Casey and they shake hands. Then Mike jokingly scolds me for not telling Edward before the show.

A little warning might have been good since the last person he saw Mike kissing was Jessica. I guess maybe I should have told him, but really, I've never told anyone Mike's business. Not even the girls. Mike had wanted to keep it quiet, so I kept quiet.

It's so nice to see he doesn't have to live that way anymore.

The guys talk about sports as an ice breaker until Edward tells Mike about my big day. Then Mike harps on me for not bringing it up myself. They invite us back to their apartment. Their other roommate, McKenna, is having a party tonight. She's an art major with awesome taste in everything according to Casey.

It sounds like fun, but I've spent my entire day in rooms full of strangers. Now, I want to be with someone I know.

I turn them down gently, explaining that I didn't get much sleep last night because I was nervous. It's the truth.

Mike makes me promise to come and visit this summer before I leave for Florida. We say goodbye to them in the parking lot, and Edward waits until we're in the Volvo to speak. "Thanks for the heads up." He laughs.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. It's a secret back in Forks. I've never told anyone. Does it bother you?"

"No." He laughs, shaking his head. "I'm thrilled that Mike Newton is gay. You have no idea."

"Why?"

He stares straight ahead at the road as he changes lanes. "I kind of thought you two were a thing for a while. After that day, the first day of eleventh, you were together. Emmett told me you were working at Newton's. Then, there was homecoming…and believe me, every time there was a Bella-Mike sighting, the harpies made sure that I heard about it. I saw you leave together at the play…"

Jesus Christ if I could only get a redo of that night.

But then we would have been right back to him not knowing. I don't know if I ever would have had the guts to tell him. And what if we'd gotten close like this and then I'd told him? That would have been a nightmare.

"So you're happy Mike's gay because it means he didn't touch me?" I'm half joking and half curious.

"Yes." His arm tenses with his voice as he shifts to third.

I forgot how hot a mildly jealous Edward is, and if I'm being totally honest, part of me is glad he was jealous. It means he cared.

He parks when we get to the hotel and insists on walking me to my door. Instead of arguing or teasing, I thank him. When we reach my suite, I turn to face him.

"I'm so glad you came today. It really means a lot to me," I tell him, and before I can talk myself out of it, I reach out with both arms and hug him.

When he stiffens, I panic, wondering if this is too much…if I've messed up, until he relaxes and leans over, wrapping his arms around me as I step in even closer. I don't stop until the stubble on his jaw is tickling my temple and my body is flush against his.

Now that I've started hugging him, I can't make myself stop. He doesn't let go either.

He pulls his head back slowly, keeping his cheek against mine until the corners of our mouths touch.

"I've missed you."

They're the sweetest, saddest words I've ever heard because I can feel how much he means them in the way his arms tighten around me.

"I've missed you, too," I whisper. It feels like such an understatement, but God, it's the truth. I missed him every minute he was gone. I'm tired of not touching him. I'm tired of trying to figure out which way is the right way.

I might end up looking back ten years from now and regretting this, but I refuse to wake up every day for the next ten years wondering what might have been.

He pulls back enough to let me know with his eyes that he's going to kiss me, pauses long enough for me to stop him, and then it's all soft lips and Edward. His hand moves up my back and into my hair the same moment my lips part. He groans a little as he deepens the kiss, managing to keep it sweet even though our bodies are screaming for more. Clinging to each other the way we are makes it hard to hide our physical reactions, so we don't even try.

He kisses me like he wants me in his bed and in his heart until everything else disappears. It's easy to forget we're standing in the hall of the Sorrento until my mom and Phil crash our party.

"Don't you two ever learn?" she asks loudly.

We stop tonguing each other long enough to look ashamed, but neither of us is ready to let go.

"You have a room, Bella. Use it," Phil says as he unlocks their door.

"Sorry, Coach." Edward doesn't sound sorry at all, and the big, happy grin on his face is proof that he isn't.

They don't stick around to lecture us, choosing to turn in for the night instead. There's an awkward moment of silence after the door closes behind them. I'm two seconds away from inviting him into my room when he stops me.

"Don't," he says quietly, shaking his head. "Don't ask me to come in there with you, Bella, because I will. This morning, when you woke up, you weren't ready to kiss me. I'm not sure what changed today, but if you let me in that room, I'm going to do so much more than kiss you, and we're just not ready for that."

Damn him for being so smart and logical, and damn him even more for saying that in his deep, sexy _I want you _voice. He's right, though. The last time we had sex, we ended up hurting each other and that's the last thing I want now.

After making plans to meet downstairs in the lobby at ten, he leaves me at my door with a goodbye kiss lingering on my lips.

For the second night in a row, I lie awake in the dark unable to sleep. Last night, it had been nerves. Tonight, it's Edward. Every time I close my eyes, I think of that kiss. And every time I think of that kiss, I know this is right.

No more worrying. No more regrets.

This is our time.

-o-

**A/N- I'm not going to kill Leah off/give her AIDS/make her deal with Herpes. I love her too much, so no worries there. AIDS tests are much quicker and more accurate now than they were in the 90s. Those were scary, scary times and for good reason. I knew a sweet, smart, beautiful boy who planned to become an architect. He loved Stephen King novels and wanted to have three kids and a pool someday. He met a girl and asked her to marry him. Unfortunately, they had different ideas about what monogamy meant. Instead of going to their wedding, I went to his funeral. He never got to do any of those things. When he died, he weighed 81 pounds and was basically a sack of bones and lesions. Most of his teeth had fallen out (from experimental drug treatments), and his hair was thin and gray. He looked 60 instead of 23. AIDS was/is a cold, hard truth. The media and "health experts" had it wrong for far too long, reporting that only gay people and druggies contracted AIDS. I hope wherever he is now…he has skate ramps, Almond Joy candy bars, and Budweiser. It's been fifteen years, eight months, and fourteen days, but he's still loved, and he's still missed. So, yeah, the last thing I want to do is write about it. Leah will be fine. **

_**Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes **_**was written by Tony Kushner and won a Pulitzer Prize in 1993. Lots of colleges performed it during the 90s, mine included. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**-MSC**


	28. Chapter 28

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own a pair of awesome Wonder Woman Chucks. **

**M, thank you for not reading portions of this aloud to your husband. You know what I'm talking about, hooker. ILY. **

**Big thanks to Maxipoo1024 for being an awesome beta. I send her these long, monster chapters, and she never complains. **

**Any mistakes left are mine.  
><strong>

**Music: "Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye"- The Black Crowes, "Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)"- Buzzcocks, and "I Shall Believe"- Sheryl Crow. **

**Warnings: I'm going to spoil the hell out of the series finale of **_**The Wonder Years, **_**and we're back to our M rating this chapter. **

Chapter 28

_Open the door  
>And show me your face tonight<br>I know it's true  
>No one heals me like you<br>And you hold the key_

_Never again_  
><em>Would I turn away from you<em>  
><em>I'm so heavy tonight<em>  
><em>But your love is alright<em>  
><em>And I do believe<em>

_That not everything is gonna be the way_  
><em>You think it ought to be<em>  
><em>It seems like every time I try to make it right<em>  
><em>It all comes down on me<em>  
><em>Please say honestly<em>  
><em>You won't give up on me<em>  
><em>And I shall believe<em>  
><em>I shall believe<em>

_(I Shall Believe- Sheryl Crow)_

_-o-_

Renee wakes me the next morning at eight thirty by pounding on the door until I drag myself from the bed. I have no idea what time I finally fell asleep last night, but it must have been late.

"Can you be ready to leave in an hour?" she asks.

"Edward is picking me up at ten. I'm riding back with him."

"He didn't stay here last night?" She tries to inspect my room, so I move to block her view.

I'm almost offended that my mom thinks I would screw around on a first date until I remember exactly how much I wanted to. Technically, I'm not really sure it qualifies as a "first" date anyway. _God, why can't we ever do things like normal people?_

"He spent the night at his grandparents' house, Mom. Gah. Is there anything else? Or can I go take a shower now?"

She smiles, shaking her head. "Maybe you learned something after all. See you at home."

My brain is wide awake, so I know going back to sleep isn't an option. I'm showered, dressed, checked out of the hotel, and waiting in the lobby by nine thirty.

Watching him walk through the door and scan the room is like a treat. He's looking for me. When he sees me, his feet start moving and he doesn't stop until he's right in front of me.

"Good morning."

"Yes, it is," he agrees, eying my lips but settling for a hug since we're in a hotel lobby surrounded by old people who would judge us if we pulled our shenanigans in front of them.

"Did you bring your camera?" he asks, taking the handle of my suitcase from me.

"It's in my bag. Why?"

"Just wondering." He holds the door open as I pass him. "Have you had breakfast?"

"No. Not yet."

Once we're on the sidewalk, he reaches for my hand. "There's somewhere I want to take you if you're not in a hurry to get home."

"I'm not in any hurry," I tell him as we reach the parking lot. "I'm all yours. For the day, I mean." Having my own "oh shit" moment isn't much fun. "Shit."

"Hmm." He puts my luggage in the trunk before unlocking my door. Instead of opening it for me, he leans against it, facing me. "If I only get you for one day, I'm going to make it count. Starting now." I watch as he reaches out, hooking my belt loops with his thumbs and reeling me in with the sexiest forearms I've ever seen. "Am I allowed to kiss you today?"

His lips are two inches away from mine, and he's smiling because he knows damn well he can kiss me. My whole body is giving him permission. Impatient, I lean up on my toes and beat him to it, taking him by surprise.

I've kissed other boys while we were apart. I've critiqued them on bullshit and nonsense. True, no girl likes to choke on some jerk's tongue, but for the most part kissing is standard.

This is something totally different. It's why no one else has ever measured up or ever could have. It's his hands on my skin and the warmth that starts in my toes and then floods every part of me. He's fall in the middle of March and so many of my favorite things…cinnamon, soap, boy eyes, and man scruff. It's never just about kissing, and I make a promise to myself not to ever forget that again. Ever.

My stomach growls and I hate it a little because he peels me off of him and insists on feeding me breakfast. It's for the best, though. I could make out with him in this parking lot all day.

Normal Edward is bad enough. Flirty Edward is killing me…opening the car door and leaning over it so I can envy his lashes. It really isn't fair. He closes the door and walks around the back of the car, and I have to really fight to not laugh out loud at how completely bizarre this feels.

Thankfully, I manage to keep quiet as he opens his door, and I try not to focus too much on his long legs and how good they look covered in denim. I totally fail.

He starts the car and turns on the stereo. "I've got a surprise," he says, reaching up and choosing a CD from the visor sleeve. "This just came out Monday, and I know you haven't been in the Port all week."

I try to catch a glimpse of the label on the CD he's holding, but his big-ass man hand is blocking my view until it disappears. There are guitars and drums for long moments and then Chris Cornell.

"Fuck. Is that _Superunknown?_" It is. I know it is. I'm moving as much as I can in my seat, keeping time with my head.

He smiles, nodding as he lays his hand over mine for a quick squeeze. Then he reaches behind my seat with his right arm, and it reminds me of the night of my sixteenth birthday so much I can't breathe.

"Here." He places the case on my thigh. "I know you like to read the lyrics the first time you listen."

I don't know if he does these things on purpose or if he even knows he does them. It could just be us. This is who we are. It's everything I've missed and everything I want.

He's singing quietly and tapping the steering wheel with his thumbs. He's had this album less than a week, and he knows the words. I kind of love that he likes it so much.

I REALLY love his breakfast idea as he parks in the lot of a place I've read about but never visited.

_B&O Espresso_.

According to lore, Pearl Jam chose the band's name while sitting in this coffee shop.

And it isn't just a coffee shop. It's a restaurant with a full breakfast menu. They serve chocolate pancakes with crème fraiche and raspberry sauce. Holy Hell. Edward shares some of his mushroom and feta scramble. Soundgarden, good food, and Pearl Jam. This man knows the way to my heart.

I'm so fucking screwed.

He lets me dork around and take pictures for as long as I want, some inside, some outside. I'm excited to get back in the car and listen to the rest of the album.

"Isn't that the record store you mentioned in the note?" I ask as he turns off of Belmont. There's a huge Spin City sign near the road, and I can see the matching logo above one of the shops.

"Yeah."

"Can we stop?"

"If you really want to," he says, making a quick right into the parking lot. After parking, he stalls, taking his time as he locks the Volvo.

"Is there some reason you don't want to go in there?"

"There's a girl..." If any three words could spoil a mood and a day, it's those. "She's Maggie's best friend, and she works there. At least she did last spring."

"Oh." I stop walking, thinking maybe I don't want to go in there after all. And, as usual, once I start thinking, I can't stop. Was Maggie with him when he found that record? Does it matter if she was? I'm beginning to think maybe she was a bit more long term than I had originally assumed.

Apparently there is a big difference between not wanting to know something and not needing to know. I'm going to forever question everything until I know what happened. That means I have to come clean too, but if we're ever going to move forward, we're going to have to deal with our past, even the time we were apart. Avoiding the hard stuff had killed us the last time. Whether I want to or not, we're going to have to talk about this.

It's not a talk I want to have now in the parking lot of a record store when I've promised him an entire day together. My curiosity can wait until we're back in Port Angeles. I only need to know the answer to one question right now.

"Is there some reason you don't want her to see us together? Is there some sort of standing…arrangement?"

"No." He reaches for my hand to prove his point. "No. It's not that. She's never really liked me, so she probably won't be nice."

"Most girls aren't."

"Do you still want to go in there?"

"Yeah. I have a good feeling about it." There are records in there that will be leaving with me today. I can almost smell them.

He relaxes after a quick glance around the store. She must be off today. Lucky bastard.

I'm glad she's not here because I need free hands to dig through records. He looks surprised but appreciative when I snatch up two B. B. King albums and disgusted when I refuse to leave without two copies of Willie Nelson's Greatest Hits.

"One is for Jasper," I tell him. "He's a fan. Anyway, it's a good album, really fun when you're stoned. Didn't you notice him gettin' down to all the country songs at the wedding?"

"I was busy keeping tabs on some hot chick with blue hair."

"Stalking?"

"Waiting."

"Whatever."

"Carmen asked Elliot to prom Friday night at Pam's."

I stop and he plows into my back. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He has to be kidding. She promised me she wouldn't cave.

"No. He asked her to go with him to our prom first. She refused, said she'd rather be 'shot in the kneecap than hang out with those bitches at PA.'" That's my girl, always classy. He wipes the smile right off my face with his next words. "Then she said if he really wanted to go to prom, they would go to hers."

"Mother fucker. I hate my friends."

"No, you don't," he laughs.

"Sometimes I do. Carmen promised me she wouldn't force me into prom. I blame your friend. He's turned her into a sap."

"He's cool."

"Yeah, I guess. So far. If he screws up, I'll kill him." He laughs, shaking his head. "What's so funny?"

"You sounded a lot like Leah just then."

"Leah?"

"Nevermind."

"No, no, no," I tell him, grabbing his arm before he can get away. "What did you mean by that?"

"Leah had a little talk with me New Year's Eve at Sam's place."

"Oh, God. She threatened to kill you? I'm sorry. I'm sure it was bad." It irritates me that she would go behind my back like that, but I get it. "She was dealing with some weird stuff at the time, so I hope you didn't take it personally."

"I'm not mad. I just wish she didn't hate me so much because I know you value her opinion."

"On politics and music? Yes. On whom I should date? No way. She tried to hook me up with Jasper to keep me from going out with Jake. Jasper! Like I would ever go there." _Ewww_. "And she doesn't hate you."

"She just doesn't want you to date me."

"Is that what we're doing?" The middle of the seventies section of a record store might not be the most ideal place to discuss our relationship status, but since he brought it up...

"I'm not sure what we're doing. If labeling it is going to freak you out, then hell no, we're not dating. And if we are dating, it's going to be really fucking hard because we're starting in the middle."

"Of what?"

"Exactly."

"We're going to have to talk about this."

"I know and we will." He rests his hands on my hips and watches over my shoulder as I flip through a stack of vinyl. He's evil and trying to distract me by stepping closer. He moves his hand, using it to sweep my hair over my shoulder. "I really love this," he whispers.

Before I can turn to ask him what the hell he's talking about, he leans in and kisses the back of my neck. The wicked, sneaky bastard is making out with my tattoo. "Oh God." He's doing it really, really well, brushing back and forth lightly and occasionally parting his lips.

"If you're mine for the day, I want to enjoy it. We can talk about anything and everything you want the minute I park the car in Port Angeles. I'll stay as long as it takes, I swear."

He likes my tattoo. I can feel how much he likes it and exactly how much he wants me when I lean back against him. "Alright."

I add Heart, The Mamas & The Papas, and Hall and Oates before moving on to the punk section. I might be in love with this store. It is so much bigger and better than the one back home. The Sex Pistols and The Ramones join the stack.

Edward tries to pay for the records after the cashier rings me up. I don't let him, thanking him for the offer but firmly declining. I've got a job, and I can pay for my own stuff.

He waits until we're back on the road to bring it up.

"So, I'm not allowed to buy things for you?"

He doesn't sound angry or upset. He just doesn't understand.

"Sure. You can buy things for me…gifts, surprises, whatever. But when we're out, and I'm shopping, I like to pay for my own things. I have a job and a bank account now. Buying stuff makes me feel good."

"You're not mad about the flowers are you?" he asks.

I glance down at the cup holder between us. My beautiful flowers are hanging out in a McDonald's cup until I can put them in a vase at home.

"Why would I be mad?"

"Before we ever even met, Emmett warned me that you weren't the kind of girl that wanted flowers and romance."

"Every girl wants flowers and romance," I tell him, watching the road signs go by. "Some of us just don't know how to admit it."

"Is that why none of your favorite movies have happy endings?"

"Maybe."

"Did you see the series finale of The Wonder Years?" he asks. "I bet you loved it."

Yes, I had seen. No, I didn't love it. It still hurts to think about it. The show finally ended last year and I'd never missed an episode. I wish I'd skipped the last one.

"I hated it. What kind of asshole makes you fall in love with a couple of kids and then doesn't give them their happy ending? I threw things at the TV. Charlie asked me if I was on drugs."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him I was _on_ my period, and he shut the hell up."

"I feel so sorry for your dad sometimes," he says, glancing over at me long enough to smile and eyefuck me a little.

Damn him.

"While we're on the subject…what did you and Charlie talk about during your all day fishing trip?"

"We didn't talk much at all. If you talk, you scare away the fish."

I've heard my dad say those very same words dozens of times.

Edward merges onto I-90, and before I have time to ask him why we're going to Portland, he merges again and we're heading toward Bellevue and Spokane.

"Is there a reason we're going to Spokane?" I ask.

"My day, remember?"

"Okay, back to our original topic then. You must have talked in the Jeep."

"He asked me about school and baseball. After the pleasantries, he told me he'd already run a background check on me to see if I had any other 'occurrences.' Then he asked me who kicked my ass the night I showed up on your porch." He scoffs. "I told him he should have seen the other guy, and that finally made him laugh. After that, we didn't really talk much."

"And he invited you for a sleepover on our couch? Not _our _couch as in…" I wave my hand between us. "Our couch. I meant Charlie's couch. Whatever." _Damn. _

"That wasn't planned. I was only going to stay long enough to see you and tell you goodnight. We knew you were with Jake because his bike was parked at your house. Charlie said you'd be home early since Jake had worked that day. It took me and Jake a while to get everything cleaned up. Then we sat outside on the porch waiting to see if you were okay."

He shifts and glances at me before continuing. "It scared the shit out of me when Alice's mom showed up, Bella."

"I'm sorry. That was an awful night. There were religious statues judging me, I stripped down to my bra in front of Jake, and you know what my puke smells like. The whole thing was a nightmare."

"Charlie let me stick around until Jeanette came down to tell us you were okay. By then it was late, and I'd been up since four thirty. Your dad gave me a lecture about 'tired' driving being as bad as drunk driving and told me to sleep on your couch."

"He likes you."

"I don't think so. He told me that _you _would be pissed if something happened to me and tossed me a blanket. Then he said his door would be open all night and carried his gun upstairs with him."

"That sounds like Charlie."

"You don't know how many times I wanted to go up and check on you. And every time I drifted off, I had dreams about _our _couch. It was impossible not to think about it, so please don't hate me for perving over you while you were sick."

"I couldn't hate you if I tried."

Every now and then, there are new faces he makes that I don't recognize or understand. This is one of them. I have no idea why those words would make him sad, but I can tell they do.

"I kind of like knowing you were thinking about me," I admit. "I wish I could say the same, but I was knocked out." Not that I haven't spent plenty of other nights thinking about him, but he doesn't need to know that. Or maybe he does. "I've spent several restless nights perving over you since then so don't feel bad."

This is what he meant by starting in the middle. We're brand new, but we have this huge past we can't ignore. It's going to make it hard to set boundaries, especially if he decides to kiss my neck like that again.

We're going to need to hire a damn chaperone.

He takes the Snoqualmie Parkway exit, and things fall into place. I've heard of Snoqualmie Falls, and I've seen pictures of it, but I've never taken any of my own.

This must be why he asked if I had my camera.

Luckily, I always keep two or three spare rolls of film in the case Charlie gave me. We stop at the lower observation deck first and then move on to the two upper decks.

A nice old lady offers to take a picture of us with my camera. There's a moment I want to hit her with it and ask her if she's nuts. Pictures are real and permanent.

They're scary.

Edward tries to come to the rescue and turn her down for me, but I stop him. I show her how to use my camera and then stand next to him in front of the railing with the Salish Lodge and the falls in the background.

When she's taken more than I can count, she gives it back to me and tells us to have a nice day.

It's chilly, and I shiver a little as I lean on the rail to admire the view. He steps in right behind me, holding me to him and warming me without a word.

When we're done with the chill and roaring waters, he drives to the lodge. We have lunch at one of the on-site restaurants, The Attic. Since we both ate horrible junk food for dinner last night, we order grilled Portobello and eggplant sandwiches. Conversation is easier here since we don't have to compete with the noise of the falls.

"What do you do with all of the pictures you take?" he asks as he inspects my camera.

"Some of them sit in Walgreens bags for too long. I'm trying to be more organized, really I am. Jasper and the girls have donated shoe boxes, and I'm trying to 'file' them according to date. It isn't fancy, but so far it's working."

"Where are the shoe boxes?"

"Stacked in my closet."

"Won't you run out of space?"

"Sure, but by then it will be time to move to Florida. I'll put my favorites in an album, but I can't take them all with me." I reach for my water, wishing the server would come with our food. I don't want to think about the things I can't take with me. Not today.

He doesn't seem to want to talk about it either. He changes the subject to the upcoming Pink Floyd tour. So far, none of the cities announced are anywhere close to Washington. His current plan is to blow his entire savings account and his graduation money to pay for a trip to New York to see them at Yankee Stadium in June. They're playing two shows, and he wants to go to both.

"God. That would be really fucking amazing." It's like a once in a lifetime jackpot.

"I haven't booked anything yet," he says. "Why don't you come with me?"

"Like a senior trip?"

"I'd rather think of it as a private vacation."

I smile at the table for a few seconds because I can't really look him in the face yet. Being this happy makes me feel dumb.

Edward Cullen just asked me to go and see Pink Floyd with him. IN NEW YORK. This might just be the best fucking weekend of my entire life.

When I finally get the dork off my face, I meet his gaze. "I'm in."

Lunch is delicious, and we take our time exploring before we hit the road. He lets me take pictures and watches without rushing me. I manage to get a few of him when he's not looking.

The first couple of hours on the road aren't so bad. We listen to music, and he asks me about St. Augustine. When it gets dark, I start yawning and nodding off until he finally turns the volume down and tells me to quit fighting so hard.

Rain on the windshield wakes me a few miles from Mom's house.

"What did I miss?" I ask after straightening in my seat and stealing a quick glance in the mirror on the visor.

"It's still raining here in the Port," he says, adjusting the controls to increase the speed of the wipers.

"How long has it been raining like this?"

"About an hour," he says, shaking his head a little. "The roads are complete shit." He downshifts and comes off the gas, stopping at a red light. The irritation disappears from his face when he glances over at me. "How was your nap?" The corner of his mouth turns up a little.

Shit.

I must have done something stupid while sleeping. Best case scenario: drool. Worst case scenario…I refuse to even think it.

"Did I drool all over the leather?" _Please, please let it be drool. _

"No."

He looks out his window, and he might not know it, but I can see his reflection in the glass. He looks happy and satisfied, not grossed out. That's a good sign.

"Then what? Why did you do that smirk thing?"

He nails me with his eyes. "You still talk in your sleep." There it is again, the want in his voice. The worst part is I recognize it because I feel it too. It's the fucked up thing about starting in the middle.

You already know what you're missing.

I'm scared to ask, but too scared not to. "Oh, God. What did I say?"

I'm the one looking out my window now. I don't remember dreaming, but that doesn't mean I didn't.

"Quit freaking out. For the most part, it was mumbling."

"For the most part," I repeat. He can be as stubborn as I am when he wants to be. Right now, he wants to be.

"You didn't say anything I didn't already know." He's not even hiding his smile now.

"What did I say?"

"I can't tell you because right after you said it, you mumbled that it was a secret."

"You're kidding me, right?"

He parks behind my truck in the driveway and cuts the engine so the only sound is the pelting rain. "You didn't say anything bad or embarrassing, okay? Let's leave it at that."

"Fine," I grumble. "You promised me a talk."

"I did."

"What are we?" May as well get the big one out of the way first.

"Us."

Good answer but not what I meant. "Are we…together?"

He studies my face for a moment before speaking. It's hard to sit here with him, knowing I'm about to hurt him, and he's going to hurt me.

"It's what I want. I want you."

"I need to ask questions, and I need you to be honest, okay? You might think I'm a masochist, but trust me, not knowing is worse. I think it would be better to just put everything out there now."

"I have a few of my own. Where do we even start?"

"Is whatever you had going with Maggie over?"

"Bella, it was one time. One time."

Thoughts of Leah and that damn clinic waiting room invade my mind. "Were you…safe? I mean, I'm only asking because of that afternoon on the couch."

"Yes, I was careful, and it happened after that anyway."

"When?"

He sighs and looks out the window. "Christmas Break, junior year. I've had two physicals for baseball since then. I'm clean, I promise."

"Oh." After.

_We're done…we're done… we're done…_

I'm pissed at Rosalie all over again. I can't help it.

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"Were you careful?"

"I had sex with one person while we were broken up, Edward. You."

"But you said…and what Jasper said…" I guess I can see why he would think that.

"We didn't have sex. Not real sex, anyway. We messed around and did other stuff."

"Other stuff," he repeats, watching the rain beat against the window. "What other stuff?"

"Pretty much all the other stuff."

I'm not sure if he's going to punch something or puke. It looks like it could go either way, until anger sets in. He pulls on the door handle and steps out into the rain, leaving me alone in a silent car.

I get out as quickly as possible and walk around to meet him. He's pacing and soaking wet, with dripping hair and angry eyes, and I want to go back to this morning.

"Please don't be mad at me. You don't know how hard it was for me to even try again, Edward. You said we were done. You FUCKED someone else. Be fair about this."

"I'm not mad at you. I want to break his goddamn neck, but I'm not mad at you. You're right. We both have to be fair about this. If we'd just met…if we didn't have a history…it would be perfectly normal and acceptable for us to have pasts. It just hurts knowing you had feelings for him. That part hurts more than the _other stuff._"

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to explain it except to say it was casual, which almost makes it sound worse." I block his path, grab both of his arms, and force him to look at me. "Were there any others? Besides Maggie?"

"I messed around with a few chicks at parties, but nothing too bad. Angela tried to kiss me the day she was fired. That's it. You?"

"Peter kissed me once. I messed around a little with Tyler, and then there was Riley. That's it."

"I'm so fucking sorry about what happened that day at your house. I just missed you so much." He wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly even though we're both soaked. "I wanted to talk to you, but you were so sexy and mad." He buries his face in my neck, licking the rain and biting my skin. "Just like a minute ago, when you yelled at me."

"Sorry."

He leans back, smiling and raising a hand to push a wet clump of hair behind my ear. "I'm not. I want you to yell at me. I want you to get pissed and tell me to fuck off. You can even slap me again if you need to. Just don't leave."

"I promise. Now, come inside with me. I'm freezing." It's hard to be sexy when you're saturated and shivering.

"Let me get my bag. I need dry clothes."

He gets his bag and my suitcase from the trunk as I unlock the door. Phil offers him the downstairs shower, and I make my way upstairs to my own.

When I'm done, I call Charlie to let him know I'll be home in time for school in the morning. It's late, I'm tired, and the roads are crappy. He doesn't argue.

We watch TV with Mom and Phil for a while, side by side on the loveseat with me leaning against him. His fingers are in my hair, combing lightly, absently, and I think this might be one of the perks of starting in the middle.

They turn in early to "watch the news" in bed. _Yeah right._ It's hard walking Edward to the door an hour later because tomorrow we go back to our real worlds.

Not much changes when we do. We go to school, we talk every night, and he even tells me he misses me a few times.

Wednesday, after school, I drive to the Port to sign a two year rental agreement for the house. Once all the fees are deducted, I'm going to get a six hundred dollar check every month. That's almost double what I'm making at Newton's.

I take my portion of the deposit money to the vintage shop and spend it on a badass red silk dress since my bitchy friends are forcing me to go to prom. The rest of the money disappears on checkered Vans, a few new CDs, and a quarter. While visiting Embry at the video shop, I also score a copy of the Twin Peaks movie on VHS.

Edward meets me at the Taco Shack for dinner since we're both getting sick of pizza. We want to hang out but we have homework. School is down to the wire, and he has extra work since he has an away game after school on Thursday.

I have work on Friday.

"Man, this sucks," I tell him as we walk to my truck after dinner. "Maybe I should quit my job. I'll have money from the house, a lot more than I'm making now actually."

"Can you live without your Newton's discount?" he jokes.

"Hmph."

"I'm just kidding. If you want to quit, quit. If you want to work, work."

"Well, I am going to be quitting before I move, and between Spring Break, New York in June, and visiting Mike in Seattle, I'm not really going to be working much anyway, am I?"

"True. Don't forget prom. You bought a dress, so you'll have to take the night off for that too."

"Because I have shitty friends."

"Do you have a date?"

He knows damn well I don't. We've talked about this before. "No. Still no date."

"Am I going to have to invite you to my prom to get you to ask me to yours?"

"There is no way in hell I'm going to yours."

"Then ask me. You just spent fifteen minutes telling me about an awesome, sexy dress during dinner. If you don't ask me, I'm going to show up and take you anyway just so I can see the dress."

"Is that right?"

Instead of answering, he kisses me senseless. "That's right," he says when he's sure my brain is totally scrambled. "And if everything works out the way I hope it will, I'm going to take that awesome, sexy dress off of you at the end of the night."

"Okay." I might be a little dumb but not dumb enough to turn down an offer like that. "I guess you can take me to my prom if you really want to."

He leans in to whisper in my ear. "Are you going to let me take off the dress?"

The way he has me pinned between his body and my truck makes me want to take off my clothes now. Prom is in a month. Roughly. "Are you really going to make me wait a month?"

"Probably not." The way his hands are creeping under my shirt convinces me that he won't. He wants this as much as I do.

"Good."

Being responsible sucks. I have Calc and Physics homework and a long drive back to Forks despite how much I want to stay here in PA and follow him home to take care of the problem he's having in his jeans.

"Call me when you get to Forks," he says as I unlock the truck.

"I will."

My phone is already ringing when I make it home, but instead of Edward, it's Jake.

"I hate to do this to you, I really do, but I'm desperate." This doesn't sound good. "You know the night I was supposed to get a break and ended up hosing down your driveway instead?"

I'm glad he's not here in person to see me cringing. "Yeah. I owe you one."

"Yep, and I'm cashin' in."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Rachel has to take her SATs in Port Angeles Saturday morning. Quil's mom is out of town visiting her sister, and I have to work."

"And?"

"I can't leave Hannah with my dad. He's not comfortable taking care of her by himself now that she can walk and run. She climbs shit. It's insane."

Whoa. No, no, no. I haven't had to babysit in years. When I did, I had rules. Well, one rule. The kid had to be potty trained. Hannah isn't.

"Jake, I can't. I've never even changed a diaper."

"Believe me, you're my last resort. I wouldn't ask if I had anyone else I could leave her with."

"Thanks a lot, fucker."

"Bella, please."

"Alright," I grumble. "What time?"

"Seven. The shop opens at eight."

"Oh my God. Seven o'clock on a Saturday morning? You're lucky I love you, Jake."

"I really am."

Hannah is sleeping when he drops her off Saturday morning. It hardly seems fair. I can barely keep my eyes open. I'd tried to end my conversation with Edward last night around eleven, but as I was about to hang up, he mentioned that _Pump Up the Volume _was on HBO. Instead of hanging up and going to bed, I had stayed up all night watching it and talking to him on the phone.

I'm paying for it now.

Jake carries her in and places her on the couch, covering her with a worn yellow blanket. "I'm going to put the car seat in the truck. Rachel is going to meet you at the food court in the mall around noon."

"Got it."

"Do I need to show you how to change her diaper?"

"Nah. I'm good. Alice showed me with one of her old Cabbage Patch Kid dolls after school Thursday."

The way he laughs makes me think he knows something I don't. "Have fun."

When she wakes up an hour later, we watch an episode of _Scooby Doo. _Jake had said to feed her chopped up human food, so we have blueberry Eggos and chocolate milk for breakfast. I figure out quickly that there is a big difference between changing a Cabbage Patch Kid and a wiggling, kicking almost two year old.

She's cool during the drive to PA, kicking her legs and gazing out the window. I think she recognizes the mall, because she kicks, claps, and squeals as I park.

We come across a small pink Metallica t-shirt, and I have to buy it for her. Jake will love it. Hannah spends a lot of her time hanging around with Rachel in the office at the garage. She's already an accomplished head banger before her second birthday. She's probably going to end up being the coolest girl ever.

We ride the carousel twice. The first time, I stand a few feet away from her and catch a few quick pictures for Jake. The second time, I ride on the horse next to hers and clap with her.

Diaper changes in public bathrooms are even worse, and she comes really close to head diving off the table thingie. She's an awesome kid, but I'm dying for Rachel to get here. I don't know how she and Jake do this all the time.

"Eat, eat, eat," she yells, pointing to the different vendors when we get to the food court.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm working on it."

"Bella?"

I'm not surprised to see Riley here. His store is just around the corner from where we're standing.

"Hey."

"You have a kid with you."

"This is Hannah. We're meeting her aunt here any minute." I pick her up, resting her on my hip. It's the only way to keep her from running off. "Are you working today?"

"No. I actually came to have lunch with my mom. We finished up a few minutes ago."

"How's your grandma?"

"Perfect. She got a clean bill of health a few weeks ago. Mom is back at work, and things are starting to get back to normal."

"That's great, really great."

"Eat, B, eat!" Hannah doesn't care that Riley and I haven't seen each other in months. Our discomfort doesn't mean much to her either. She just wants to eat.

"She's hungry. I'd better go."

"I've been packing, and I found some of your things. Should I throw them out?"

"What things?"

"Some film canisters, pictures, a couple of books, CDs, records…"

"I'd like to have them back if you don't mind."

"I'll be home all afternoon. Drop by anytime." He doesn't say goodbye, just backs away slowly before turning and walking away.

Shit. I don't want to go to his place. I have plans with Edward after I drop Hannah with Rachel. When I had said I'd like to get my stuff back, I was hoping Riley would offer to get it to my mom for me. Of course it can't be that simple. Going to his place means talking to him. I guess I owe him a conversation.

Rachel shows up as I'm trying to figure out what to order for Hannah's lunch. She takes over, getting fries for both of them. It takes Hannah forever to eat, and I feel so trapped. I can't leave until I've given Rachel the car seat, but I promised Edward I would be at his house by one. There is no way I can make it on time. I still need to pick up food on the way, and now I have to deal with Riley.

As they eat, I leave them to call Edward from a payphone.

"I'm going to be late," I tell him after he answers.

"Is everything okay? You sound stressed."

"Babysitting sucks. It's exhausting. Rachel was a little late. They're eating now, and I can't leave until they're done."

"It's cool. I'm practicing _Mortal Kombat _while I wait for you."

I can hear the "pause" music playing in the background, and I want to be there next to him with a remote in my hand and my leg against his. "I'll be there as soon as possible."

"Good."

"See you soon." I hang up before I can tell him where I'm going. I'm not going to keep it from him. I'll never keep another secret from him for as long as I live, but I won't unnecessarily hurt him either. I don't want him to count the minutes until I get there like I would if I knew he was going to talk to Maggie.

Rachel is wiping Hannah's face when I get back to the table. We make a pit stop for another freaking diaper change before swapping out the car seat in the parking lot. She agrees the Metallica shirt is awesome and promises to take a picture of Hannah wearing it.

I sit in my truck in the lot at Riley's apartment complex for five minutes after I've parked. The only thing that convinces me to finally move my ass is realizing I can't get to Edward until I get this out of the way.

The weather is nice, and I can hear the Buzzcocks from the bottom of the stairs in front of his building and see from here that only his screen door is closed.

_Ever fallen in love, in love with someone_

_You shouldn't have fallen in love with_

He's listening to the _Love Bites _album. Not a good sign. I wonder if his run-in with me at the mall inspired his selection. Although…he had known I was coming. It's almost like a musical "Fuck you, Bella."

I bang on the wooden portion of the screen door when the song ends.

He's bent over a box, stretching packing tape across the folded lid. "Come in." He doesn't bother to look up from what he's doing. If he's going for 'moody and somehow still nonchalant,' he's winning. It isn't an easy look to pull off. I know. I've tried.

The crates that once lined the wall, filled with records, are all empty and stacked in a corner now with the exception of one. The one with his favorites. There are boxes everywhere, taped and stacked with black marker splashed across cardboard surfaces. "Bathroom" and "Kitchen" boxes and it feels so familiar because I just did this not long ago myself.

"The box on the dining room table is yours," he says curtly, still not looking at me.

"Riley, I'm sorry."

It's lame and I know it, but I really don't know what else to say.

"Don't be. Shit happens."

"I don't want you to be angry with me." We might not ever see each other again. Chances are we won't. I won't die if he walks away hating me, but I'd rather him not.

"How do you expect me to feel, Bella?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you. I wasn't fair, but I don't want you to think I was using you either. We had fun. You were good to me and patient when you didn't have to be. I tried, Riley, really I did."

He drops the tape, closing his eyes and leaning heavily on the box with both hands. "I know you did. I had hoped getting you away from this town would help."

I don't know if it would have.

I'm glad I'll never know.

"I am getting away. I'm going to Florida."

"Congrats, college girl." For a moment he smiles. A quick moment.

"Thank you. Good luck in Philly." I pick up the box and walk past him on my way to the door. This is a much more civil ending than I expected.

Before I make it to the bottom of the stairs, he's blaring "Dazed and Confused." I guess he forgot that someone else already owns me with Zeppelin.

I'm supposed to pick up Pam's, but it's almost one thirty, and I just want to see Edward and touch him and tell him so I can know we'll be okay. I make a Wendy's run instead.

He answers the door, happy and relaxed in baggy cargo shorts that make his fuzzy legs look especially hot. I want to hug him and rub my cheek all over his t-shirt, but holding a sack of food and a drink carrier makes it impossible.

We eat in the kitchen at the bar, and he listens as I tell him all about my morning with Hannah. We're done with lunch by the time I get to the Riley part.

"I went to his apartment. It's one of the reasons I was late."

"You went there to get your stuff?"

"Yes. Mainly the film and prints. My pictures…well, it's hard for me to just let them die in a trash can somewhere. I also apologized for hurting him."

"And?"

"It was okay, I guess. He's still mad or hurt or both, but he was nice for the most part. I'm glad because the last time I saw him we weren't very nice to each other. He was drunk, and I was a wreck…"

He puts his arm around my waist, stepping in closer to hold me. "Why were you a wreck?"

"Don't ask me that. You know why."

"That was the worst goddamned night of my life," he says, lips tickling my neck. "You looked so fucking beautiful. I hated Riley the first time I saw him because you smiled at him. I hated him even more the night of your mom's wedding for not dancing with you. What kind of fucking sense does that make? I spent the next day and a half in bed but couldn't sleep for shit thinking about his hands on you and that stupid fucking bottle of champagne." God, my imagination is bad enough. I probably would have gone crazy if I'd seen him with someone else. "Thinking you were going to live with him…"

"I was honest at the wedding, Edward. I never planned to live with him. It was always going to be the dorms if I moved to Philly."

"Why was Philly even an option?"

He's asking why I was willing to move to a strange city with another man. I don't have an answer. Because I'm an eighteen year old girl with very little common sense? Maybe.

"He was never supposed to ask," I tell him. "It took me a while to figure this out, but Tyler and Riley were both 'safe' because they were temporary. I went into it knowing they would leave. He wasn't supposed to ask me to go with him and for the record – I never said I would."

"Are you sure you're okay just letting him leave your life?"

"I've never missed him. Not once. I wish him well, but I know what it's like to really miss someone." I lean against him, resting my head on his chest. "I used to miss you when I was still at your house…just knowing I had to leave was enough to make me miss you, and I can't tell you how it was when we were apart." There aren't words. "I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, and I'm fine letting him leave. I'm more worried about how I'm going to say goodbye to you when it's time for school in August."

Spring Break is just around the corner. The acceptance deadline is only a month away for my offer from Flagler. Renee's advice about not jumping the gun still applies. I've been accepted to Flagler, UW, NYU, Drexler, and, most recently, Jacksonville University. The only one I've officially rejected is Drexler.

I'm not sure why I'm holding out on the rest.

"We're going to be fine. I'll have to get a part-time job to pay long distance charges," he jokes. "But we'll be fine."

"Still no word from your first choice?"

"Not yet."

"Are you ever going to tell me which school IS your number one?"

"Any one of the six schools in Florida I sent late applications to back in January."

January. He's been thinking about this since January.

"January?"

"January."

"But…"

"There is no way in hell I'm letting you get away twice, Bella. No fucking way. So far, Raleigh is my closest option, and if we have to make the long distance thing work, we will. I've never cared about the _where. _I want to go to a good school, hopefully with a baseball scholarship, and I want to be close to you."

"Have you ever even been to Florida?"

"No, but my girl takes these amazing pictures, and I've seen everything I need to see."

"I am, you know."

"What?"

I pull away so I can look at him. "Your girl," I answer. "I always have been." _Always. _

"I know that now."

"Do you really think we can do this?"

"There isn't any other option. It was always supposed to be us, Bella."

I kiss him…because I have to when he says stuff like that. There are so many ways this might not have happened. I have to believe that he's right.

Being in his arms feels different now because for every inch I grew while we were apart, he grew two. He's solid around me and even something as simple as running a finger over his arm feels new.

But he still loves my hair. He can't keep his hands out of it.

Carlisle walks into the kitchen, clearing his throat as a polite way to remind us not to make out in family areas.

We spend the rest of the day playing _Mortal Kombat, _and I can tell he's been practicing. I'm actually glad because it's more of a challenge this way. Beating everyone all the time gets boring.

His parents invite us to dinner. We agree to go with them, and since Esme is craving Greek, we end up at Mykonos. He mouths the words "I'm sorry" in the car. I couldn't drive by that restaurant for a year. Now? I'm craving Mousaka.

Dinner is delicious and the company is perfect. His parents haven't changed at all. We talk about school, my choices and Edward's, and I can tell I'm missing something from the looks they're giving him and each other. Family business is none of my business, so I don't ask.

I have to leave for Forks when we get back to his house. Charlie and I have plans for Sunday. Important plans.

"Call me when you get home," he says after kissing me goodbye.

"You know I will."

He smiles as he closes my car door because he knows I will.

We talk way too late, and Charlie wakes me up way too early Sunday morning.

This is shopping day. Dad needs some new duds before we hit the Sunshine State. The man doesn't even own a pair of shorts or white socks. He drives to the Port and makes me listen to the "Easy Listening" radio station the entire trip. Every now and then, they play something cool like Billy Joel or Don Henley. The rest is just lame.

We shop all afternoon, and it wouldn't be a trip to PA without dinner at Barry's. I hope he doesn't bring Jeanette here on dates. I advise him against it – just in case.

The week drags at school. The yearbook is done. All of our tests are next week since it's the last one before Spring Break. And I don't get to see Edward at all which makes it feel even longer.

Friday is my last night at Newton's. Mrs. N springs for a cake, and my co-workers give me a farewell card with a hundred bucks in it. Walking the store at closing is strange. I don't even feel like I'm the same girl who walked in there begging for a job a year and a half ago. Mr. Newton excluded, this place has been good to me.

Mrs. N cries when she gives me my final paycheck, and she wishes me good luck before we walk out together for the last time. Instead of going back to Charlie's, I stay on the highway.

My plan is to spend the entire weekend in PA.

Emmett and Elliot show up with Edward on Saturday night for a few friendly games of pool. Edward has the good sense to keep quiet when Emmett makes a big deal about not wanting to be my partner. Like a true hustler, Edward lets them tease him into joining forces with me.

We cream them.

It's a fun night. I love hanging out with Emmett, and Elliot isn't so bad. The only downside is no alone time with Edward. It's frustrating because now that he's allowed to touch me, he won't stop.

Hands on my hips as we watch Emmett shoot…

A kiss on my ear before I walk away to line up…

A hand in my back pocket gripping my ass when it's Elliot's turn…

It's enough to drive a poor, horny girl insane.

By the end of the night, I'm a mess. He knows it too. The goodbye kiss he gives me isn't the one I want. I want my back against the brick wall and his tongue in my mouth. What I get is sweet and chaste with taunts from Emmett in the background.

I'm beyond surprised the next day when Phil pounds on my bedroom door to wake me up at noon. I don't remember the last time I slept this late.

The only thing that gets me going is the knowledge that Edward is downstairs waiting.

We won't see each other again until Wednesday, and we're both leaving early Saturday morning for our Spring Break trips. I try not to get freaked out about the way time seems to be passing more quickly now. It had ticked by when I'd had nothing to lose.

Now, I want every minute.

Instead of wasting time drying my hair, I roll it into a bun and use decorative chop sticks to hold it in place.

Edward likes it. I'm going to start wearing my hair up all the time if it means he'll touch and kiss my tattoo this way. It makes it hard to focus on my cereal, but my neck really likes it. My heart does too.

I'm a little surprised when he drives to Putt'n Around. Instead of walking over to the batting cages, he pays for two games of mini-golf. I can't figure out why because he's terrible at it.

"Stop," I tell him after his third pouting incident. "You're approaching it too directly. You're good at pool. This is the same thing, angles and force. The playing table and the execution are different, but the core is the same."

Once he stops worrying and over-swinging, he has fun. The athlete in him wants to win everything, and the man in him can't stand losing to a girl. I could ease up, but that's just not my style.

He does much better on the second course without any help from me.

We skip lunch and catch a four o'clock showing of _Reality Bites. _We quietly discuss our mutual crush on Winona Ryder through the entire movie. I love the chick to death because she's just so damn naturally pretty. Edward calls her hot since he's a dude, and I can't really disagree. She's a total babe.

He tries to give up on the movie and make out with me after I admit that I'd rather do her than Ethan Hawke. I don't let him. He's been sexually frustrating me since the minute he touched my hand at my mother's wedding. He'll survive the last forty five minutes of this movie.

We run into Emmett and Rosalie later outside of Pam's, and we walk in with them. There's an awkward moment at the hostess stand when she asks how many are in our party. _Fuck it._

"Four," I tell her.

After ordering, we tell them about the movie. Edward tells Emmett that watching Winona was worth all the "girly" parts he had to endure.

"Ugh. She's so plain," Rosalie says.

She would think that.

"Why?" Edward asks. "Because she's pale? It makes her look soft. I didn't care much for the way she looked in Edward Scissorhands_, _but she did the best she could with the whole generic blonde cheerleader thing."

I squeeze his thigh under the table. He deserves a hand job for that but it would hardly be appropriate to give it to him here. Besides, she had asked for it.

"To each his own," Emmett says, glancing over the menu.

"Exactly," Edward agrees, squeezing my hand and holding it in his lap.

Conversation isn't easy. Emmett and I are trying more than Edward and Rosalie. I answer her questions about school and somehow she brings up prom.

"Is he bringing you to prom?" she asks. "We could double."

I've gotta go with Carmen on this one…I'd rather be shot in the kneecap.

"No, I'm taking her to prom in Forks instead," Edward answers for me.

"Oh, well, that's cool. I guess. When is it?"

"The week before ours."

"On Friday or Saturday?" Emmett asks.

"Friday," I answer. It's my first chance to join the prom conversation because I don't really know anything about what goes on at PA High anymore unless it involves baseball or Edward.

I wonder if he wants to go to his prom. I _would_ rather be shot in the leg, but if he wants to go, I'll go with him.

Someone in this restaurant has a serious love for Phil Collins. I love him too, but I need some rock and a breather from the suffocating prom talk and Rosalie's face. A five minute trip to the jukebox does wonders for my patience. It doesn't hurt that our food is being delivered when I get back to the table.

Emmett and Rosalie leave as soon as they're finished eating so they can make the evening showing of the new Seagal movie. Poor girl.

He leaves money with Edward, and we wait around for the waitress to bring the check.

"Are you cool with not going to your prom?" I ask.

"Yeah." He seems uncomfortable as he examines my hand in his lap. "You remember the game that was cancelled?" Of course I remember. It had been the day of our first kiss, well, our 'this time' first kiss. "Emmett just told me it's been rescheduled." He's still staring at my fingers as he plays with them, and I'm starting to get a really bad feeling about this. "For prom Friday."

"Oh." The last thing I would have expected to feel is disappointment, but it's exactly what I feel. It doesn't make sense because prom is lame, and I didn't really want to go in the first place.

He takes the change from the waitress and tips her as I try not to freak out. We walk out silently, and I remind myself not to be angry over something he can't control.

"I guess Carmen will be dateless too," I tell him when we get to the car. "We can go together since we already have dresses."

"Bella, I'm not backing out on you. I was kind of hoping you might not mind being a little late. The game is right after school. It sucks because I wanted to bring you back to the Port for a nice dinner and maybe some pictures for my mom, but now we won't have time for any of that."

For a girl who doesn't want to go to prom, I'm awfully fucking relieved that he doesn't cancel. "We can eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Doritos in my kitchen if you want." I kiss his jaw, loving the scrape of his stubble on my lips. "And I don't mind being late at all. Prom is stupid."

He puts his hands on my waist, probably trying to keep me from rubbing my boobs all over him, but he's too late. He ends up pulling me against him instead. "I think you might actually want to go to prom with me," he says, brushing his lips across my ear.

"I think you're right." Maybe I do want to go with him. If that makes me a sissy, so be it.

"I wish I could take you on a real prom date." He sounds so frustrated, and I get it. Edward's all about the fancy dates.

"I just want to hang out with you…maybe dance a little. I don't care about the rest."

"You're sure?"

"Very."

I'm also sure that I'm ready to get him out of his clothes. He's done everything he can to show me how important I am to him. I'm not kidding myself about our situation. There will be times we won't be able to be there for each other. I'll miss games. He'll miss events.

Life happens.

We'll get through it. "Can we go?" I ask. He knows I'm really saying _take me home and do me. _

"Absolutely."

Phil and Mom aren't home when we get back to the house. It wouldn't matter if they were. I have an entire floor to myself including a king-sized bed.

He doesn't protest when I take his hand and silently lead him up the stairs to my room. He smiles like a sixteen year old boy when I shove him down onto my bed and crawl over him until I'm straddling his lap.

"What are you doing?" It's low and husky in his throat.

"Taking off your clothes," I answer, pulling his shirt over his head.

"You're sure?"

"Please."

"Bella," he says, catching my hands in his and moving them away from his belt. "Don't do this unless you mean it."

"Oh, I mean it." I shift, hoping a little friction might convince him.

"We should talk about this."

I sit back on his thighs, tug the sticks from my hair, and pull my own shirt over my head. "Okay, talk."

"Maybe we shouldn't do this so soon," he says quietly. His hands are saying something entirely different, reaching behind me to unfasten my bra. He has my tits in his palms and his thumbs on my nipples before I can even pull it away from my body.

"If we wait for things to be perfect, we'll be celibate forever," I tell him, tossing the bra across the room and watching his mind war with his dick and his hands. So far, his body is winning. I can feel it. "We're human, and we're kids. We won't ever be perfect. That doesn't mean we can't love each other."

His hands freeze. "Is that what we're doing?"

I should be embarrassed that he's feeling me up while we're having this conversation, but I'm not. "I am," I tell him seriously. "I love you." I let my hand roam into his hair and lean forward until every part of me is touching him. Except my lips – those are still talking. "Somehow, you managed to make me fall in love with you twice." It's the only way I know to tell him I love him exactly as he is. Right now.

"Does this mean it's not a secret anymore?"

I should've figured. I'm forever humiliating myself while sleeping in front of him. "I don't think it's ever been much of a secret."

"I love you back. Always, Bella. I promise."

It isn't the first time he's said those words to me. It IS the first time I've really believed them.

"I know."

He doesn't stop me when I reach for his belt a second time. He stands to shed his jeans, and I do the same. We're not shy sixteen year old kids anymore, and we watch each other as we undress. The moment I'm naked, he steps in front of me and lifts me onto the bed.

Thankfully, the talking part is over. The kissing part is just getting started. His weight on top of me and his tongue against mine… He's right. This is what we were always supposed to be, what we didn't know how to be before.

I've always loved his teeth…the way they feel on my lips, my neck, my nipples (especially those evil bastards) and tonight, he's taking his time, putting his mouth on every inch of me from neck to navel.

I'm dying.

Squirming and desperate, I push his head, trying to get him where I want him.

"Oh no you don't." His lips move against my skin. "I've waited two years for this. You can wait a few more minutes. A little patience won't kill you." His tongue drags across my hip.

_The hell it won't. _

"Ahhhh" is the only thing I can manage. I sit up a little to lean on my elbows so I can watch. Jesus. I've never seen anything so pretty in all my life, and of course, my camera is downstairs. Dammit.

His hair is everywhere, crazy and wild, and he's kissing a path from hip to thigh and down, not missing an inch of flesh. And if he doesn't put his mouth on me soon, I will die.

I watch as he grips my legs, pushing them further apart as he kisses my inner thigh. The man is a demon. He looks sweet and innocent, but he's pure fucking evil. He proves it by lifting his head to give me a cocky little smile. "How am I doin'?"

As close as his face is to my goods, he can probably see how well he's doing. But he's being perfect, and I want him to know it. "You're killing it."

"Not yet," he promises, and I stop breathing as he leans down to gently kiss my clit. It's a sweet introduction. Then, he alternates teeth and tongue, adding his fingers, and I give up on watching and fall back against the mattress.

Eyes closed and fists full of bedding, I curse and call on Jesus, but when I say Edward's name, he twists his wrist and gives it to me harder with his mouth and his hand until the scruff I love so much is burning my skin in the best possible way, and I'm so fucking close.

He moans when I bury my hand in his hair. Hearing it makes me want to hear it again and again so I tug, and this time, when he moans, I do too because I'm being gifted the best fucking orgasm of my life.

It feels so good it almost hurts and my legs try to close on pure instinct but he's quick to pin them down with his hands, keeping me open and his mouth fast and hard against me until I'm not sure whether to beg him to stop or tell him to keep going forever.

He slows on his own, ending as gently as he started before kissing a path up my body until he's hovering over me.

Screw that.

I kiss him until he relaxes against me. "Bella, we need - "

"You're clean. I'm clean. I haven't missed any pills." I don't want anything between us ever again…secrets, lies, guilt, even condoms. I've never forgotten that afternoon on the couch in Forks or the way it felt with nothing between us. I want that every day. If I miss a pill, we'll fall back on condoms. We'll be careful and smart. I love him, but I still don't want babies. Not yet.

I lift my hips, trying to position him. He groans as he settles between my legs but stops long enough to whisper "Are you sure?" He doesn't hesitate when I nod, and we kiss with his hand cupping the back of my neck as he slowly pushes inside.

"Fuck, Bella," he moans. "Maybe I should get a rubber. This isn't going to last long if I don't." I squeeze his hips with my thighs and kiss his neck until he starts to move.

"I want you. Just you."

"Christ." He gives up the slow and shallow, kissing me and hitting deeper with every thrust. Letting go of my neck, he rests his arm on the bed, cradling my head so I don't have to reach to kiss him. The fingers of his other hand leave a trail of want as he skims the skin from my neck to my nipple, stopping to pull and tease and make me groan into his mouth. He tickles my ribs with his thumb on the way down, and the feel of him gripping my hip with his bare hand, moving my body to meet his, just makes me want more.

"More, more, more…"

"Yes," he agrees, sliding his hand down over my ass and holding me still as moves hard enough for both of us. "I love you." He gives me words and his body again and again, straining, coming, and pushing through it so I can burn with him.

We're sweaty and breathless, and I feel so, so lucky to have him like this.

"Are you okay?" he asks, resting his forehead against mine.

"Mmmm."

"Is that a yes?" He rolls us onto our sides, and as much I want him inside me all the time, it just isn't physically possible. Dammit.

"Mmmhmm." I want to take a fifteen minute nap and then do that again.

When I finally open my eyes, he's watching me.

"Thank you," he says, scooting closer and kissing me softly.

"For what?" Because really, I should be thanking him.

"For trying." Another kiss. "For not quitting." Lips on my neck. "For being here." He leans back to look at me. "Any other questions?"

"No." Although there is one thing I'm curious about now. "Well…"

"What?"

I look at his chest to avoid his eyes. "Have you done that before?"

There's no way he hasn't. He's way too good at it.

"No."

"Don't lie."

"I'm not. I've never done it before."

If he's telling the truth – and that WAS his first time – I'm a lucky fucking girl. He'll only get better with time, the same way he did with sex.

"It was way too good for a first try," I insist.

"Carmen had plenty of advice for me after she made fun of me."

"Oh man. I'm sorry. I told you my friends suck. But this time…I don't know…I kind of want to kiss her." She should write a book instructing guys on how to give oral.

"Only if I can watch."

Sixteen, eighteen…I guess it doesn't matter. Boys will be boys.

**A/N- I can't tell you how much better I feel about letting my fictional characters have fictional sex now that they're fictionally eighteen. Does that even make sense? I think you guys know what I mean. **

**There won't be any surprise babies for B/E. She's good with her pills so no worries there. I will not, will not do that to them. **

**Lots of people sent Ben/Royce/Angela hate in PMs after reading the EPOV outtake. I don't blame you. The outtake will be posted separately sometime after October 31****st****. **

**I'm sorry this one took so long. You guys have been amazing and patient…in so many ways. Thank you. I kept these two apart for so long, and I just want to make sure I do them right. The good news is Chapter 29 is coming along nicely, so hopefully it won't take as long. **

**If you don't want any spoilers about the number of chapters left, don't read the note below my sign off. **

**Thanks so much for reading!**

**-MSC**

**Okay. If you're reading this, I'm assuming you're curious. **

**I know I said thirty, but I'm not going to be able to make that happen. The last regular chapter will be Chapter 31. Thanks again. **


	29. Chapter 29

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own the new Mumford & Sons album, and I love it. **

**None of this would be possible without M. For real. She's the one who MADE me read a book about a sparkly vampire.**

**Big thanks to maxipoo1024. She turned this around for me in less than 24 hours. She's awesome. **

**Any mistakes left are mine. **

**Same warnings as usual. **

Chapter 29

_That one last shot's a permanent vacation  
>And how high can you fly with broken wings<br>Life's a journey not a destination  
>And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings<em>

_You have to learn to crawl_  
><em>Before you learn to walk<em>  
><em>But I just couldn't listen<em>  
><em>To all that righteous talk<em>  
><em>I was out on the street<em>  
><em>Tryin' to survive<em>  
><em>Scratchin' to stay alive<em>

_It's amazing_  
><em>With the blink of an eye<em>  
><em>you finally see the light<em>  
><em>It's amazing<em>  
><em>when the moment arrives that<em>  
><em>you know you'll be alright<em>

_(Amazing – Aerosmith)_

_-o-_

"I need your advice," Carmen says as she stares at her shoes.

I exhale slowly and pass the pipe to her. "About?"

"Sex."

"Carmen, you've slept with half of Forks. What could I possibly know about sex that you don't?"

"How to have sex with a virgin."

_Oh sweet Jesus. _

"You do know that boys don't have hymens, right? It isn't going to hurt him." It earns me a dirty look, but damn. "And technically, Edward wasn't a virgin."

"Don't be an asshole. We're getting a hotel room for prom night, and I've never spent the night with a boy."

God, that's sad. All those boys, and she's never woken up in someone's arms. I am an asshole. "I'm sorry." I knock my knee against hers. "You know I have trouble talking about sex."

"I know. I'm not really mad. I can get through the act, I think -"

"What do you mean you think? It doesn't sound like you're ready for this."

"I just don't want to seem _over-experienced._"

I love this girl. She's so much like me in some ways and so completely opposite in others. "He won't care. He loves you, and he won't care. You've been honest, right?"

"Yeah. We've talked. With him being friends with Emmett, I figured it was for the best. I just…I guess I'm worried that I don't know how to do all the emotional stuff. My instinct is to just fuck him like crazy. But it's his first time. EVER. Shouldn't that be all sweet and romantic and stuff?"

"Why don't you let him set the mood? If he goes for slow and romantic, be gentle with him. If he's eager, make him your bitch. Just don't expect it to last very long the first time."

"I don't care about that."

Yep. She's in love.

The phone rings in my hand, and I smile because I know it is Edward calling from the payphone outside the gym before practice.

"Hey," I answer as I motion to Carmen and leave her outside.

"Is it tomorrow yet?"

He misses me. I can hear it in his voice. "No, it's still Tuesday."

"Are you still coming over after school?"

He's asked me this question a dozen times since he kissed me goodnight and left me at Renee's house Sunday night. "Yes, but if you ask me again, I won't."

"I'm sorry. I'm just…anxious."

"I bet you are," I tease.

"What color panties are you wearing?"

"Goodbye, Edward."

"I'm serious. What color?"

I know Carmen is outside, but I still glance around before quietly answering, "Blue."

"Dammit," he groans. "Blue looks so good against your skin."

"Does your mom still have that church banquet thing tomorrow night?"

"Yes, and Dad will be working. Do you see why I'm going nuts?"

"Are you going to survive practice?"

"I guess," he grumbles. I can almost see the pout.

"I'll reward you tomorrow afternoon. I promise."

"Bella…"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." I'm not really. I like knowing he wants me. I really like knowing he's been thinking about me naked. "Go to practice. I'll talk to you tonight."

Phil had made him run five extra laps during yesterday's warm-up, one for each minute he was late. I'm doing my best to help him avoid the same thing today. Knowing Phil, he'll double it. He's not an asshole like Banks, but he expects respect from his players.

"I'll call you when I get home. Love you, Bella."

"I love you too."

I stare at the phone for moment after ending the call. Part of me still can't believe this is real. I may have said it first this time around, but he says it every time we're saying goodbye now. Maybe it's because we're more grown-up. Or maybe it's because we couldn't say it to each other at all for so long.

Whatever the reason, I like it.

"I'm guessing that was Edward," Carmen says as I rejoin her on the steps outside. "You look a little dumbstruck."

"I do not."

"Dude, you look happy. There's nothing wrong with it. I want to hear about Sunday."

Of course she does. It's odd that I'm sexually active and she hasn't been since last year. Last year. When she says it, she makes it sound like she's dying. November was five months ago. I went a hell of a lot longer than five months so I have zero sympathy.

Besides, I want to know how she ended up schoolin' Edward in the first place.

"I want to hear about your oral sex discussion with my boyfriend."

She covers her heart with her hand like she's saying the Pledge of Allegiance and sighs. "Did he do it?"

"Yes. Are you happy?" Why is my sex life always so damn fascinating?

"Yes. He is so sweet, Bella. I feel like a real jerk for being such a shit to him, and part of me kind of wonders if what I did might have messed you guys up even more. So when he asked for tips, I hooked him up."

"But why would he ask? Were you guys just sitting around talking about oral at Pam's?"

"No, dumbass. He asked me Friday night at Sam's."

"What?"

"I was outside on the lawn, smokin' and chillin' with him and Elliot. Sam needed El's help moving the table, and while he was gone, Edward brought it up. He seemed nervous, so I explained the bare basics, you know, hand mouth coordination and such."

"He listened well."

She laughs, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "Good. The boy is smitten. I wasn't going to mention this, but fuck it. Riley is gone, and there's a new tenant in his old place." The change in her tone is enough to make me dislike this new tenant already. "Her name is Bree, and the bitch is perfect. I mean perfect. Tits, ass, face…she even has brains."

"And?"

"Well, I thought I was going to have to kick her ass for a minute. She tried to give Edward a boob flash while I was standing right there. Um…hello? I recognize the 'hey, I wanna fuck you' introduction from a mile away. I'm the queen of that shit."

Any girl with brains would hit on Edward. I can't blame her really. "What stopped you?"

"Edward. He seemed so uninterested, I almost felt bad for her. I'll give it to her though, once he said he was taken, she backed off."

Well, it's good to know not all chicks are like Maria and Irina. I don't know Bree, and I might not ever meet her, but she sounds like a decent girl. It's also good to hear what I already know. He's mine.

"Can't blame a girl for trying," I joke.

"She told him his girlfriend is a 'lucky girl.'" She stops to look at me and grin. "He looked at her and said, 'I'm the lucky one.' That's some sweet shit, Bella. I can't believe it took you so long."

I can't believe it either.

He's sweet and shy when he opens the door Wednesday afternoon, but I'm more nervous than anything. I think he knows it too because he holds my hand tightly as we walk up the stairs to his room.

The bedding is white now instead of black, but everything else looks exactly the same down to the picture of us sitting on his bedside table.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"I burned it."

"Burned what?"

"Everything," I whisper. "Every note, the picture, your t-shirt…I burned it all in the trash barrel out back on New Year's Eve. It was supposed to help."

He looks surprised. And hurt. "Did it?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Don't be sad," he says quietly, cupping my cheeks in his hands and wiping my tears with his thumbs. "Please don't cry. I'll write you new notes…every day I don't see you, I'll write one. We have new pictures now, Bella. None of that stuff matters." He kisses me softly. "I don't want to make you sad anymore. I want you to be happy."

"I am. It's just confusing sometimes."

"It won't always be like this." His hand moves to my neck, and his thumb rubs lightly over my tat. "We'll keep making new memories until the old ones just don't hurt anymore."

"I love you," I tell him, resting my head on his chest and my arms on his waist. He pulls me over to his bed, and I follow when he leans back against the headboard, sitting between his bent knees and relaxing with my back against his chest. "I'm sorry." I wipe my cheeks and try to stop crying like a baby. "I'm premenstrual, which is awesome by the way, and I think too much."

"You don't have to apologize. That picture hasn't been there the whole time, Bella. It spent a year in an old paper sack in the corner of my closet with everything else that reminded me of you."

"I've ruined our whole afternoon. This is not what I had in mind when we talked on the phone yesterday."

"This is perfect. Any time you're in my bed, it's perfect. Though I have to admit, I'd prefer no tears."

_Yeah, me too. _"I'm done. All clear."

He picks up the remote and turns on the TV as I move to sit next to him. We adjust the pillows, getting comfortable and when he holds out his arm, I snuggle in close. He's right.

This is perfect.

The only problem is we've stayed up two nights in a row talking instead of sleeping, and we doze off with my arm across his chest and his arm wrapped around me.

Waking up in the same position is the best feeling in the world. He drops a couple of sleepy forehead kisses on me as he tries to wake up. I don't mind.

I also don't mind when he wakes up all the way and slides his arm down my back until his hand is resting on my ass.

Forehead kisses turn into neck kisses as he flips me onto my back and slowly unbuttons my shirt. "Feeling better?" His voice is deep and rough, and his fingers are like gentle matches…lighting the flame with every brush against my skin.

"Much." I let him take the shirt and my bra, and I end up losing my pants too before he even sheds his t-shirt. When he finally does, I kiss his chest because there is no way I'm mouth kissing him after a crying spell and a nap. My mouth is staying closed.

I work my fingers between us, popping open the buttons on his jeans one by one until I can get my hand in.

"Can I have you?" Like he even needs to ask. _Is he crazy?_

He's holding back, trying not to assault my palm. "You should be naked by now," I tell him, tightening my grip and moving my hand until he caves. One quick thrust before he moves away to get rid of his pants, and then he peels off my underwear on his way back up.

"You should be naked all the time," he says, trailing his fingers lightly across my inner thigh.

I exhale and relax against the pillow as his hand moves even lower and he slips two fingers inside. It feels different physically. I mean, he's a man now. But it's also the same because he knows the exact way to touch me. It's almost embarrassing how quickly he leaves me shaking and breathless.

He's frustrated when I won't let him kiss me, but he doesn't let it deter him, moving his lips to my neck instead as his fingers disappear and he gives me something so much better.

He hadn't been joking about being anxious. I can feel it in the way he moves, tense above me.

I kiss his chest, right above his heart, to remind him that I love him and then say the words out loud for him too.

His "I love you" is quiet and soft, but his hips are merciless as he shows me exactly how much he missed me and makes me forget everything else in the world but us.

Trying to get to the bathroom _after_ is embarrassing. I'm naked, and gravity is a bitch when spunk is involved. He only laughs a little, and I can't really be mad because I'm laughing at myself too for a change.

He hides my shirt while I'm taking care of business. If we order pizza, we can stay naked in bed. It's tempting. Naked Edward is always tempting, but I'm still sick of pizza. We compromise on fast food.

The lot at Wendy's is full, and there is a large group of heavy-hitting punk kids standing in clusters around three parked cars. Some of them are smoking, and I catch glimpses of two flasks as they're passed from hand to hand.

"Edward, that's Jane," I say quietly, horrified by her appearance. Her tights are ripped, her hair cut short, and if the wind blows, I'm afraid she might topple over. She's that skinny. "What's wrong with her?"

"Looks like she's off the wagon again."

I'm not sure what he means by that, but she obviously needs help. "We need to call her parents. She looks awful."

"Try to keep her here for a few minutes. I'll try to reach them from the payphone behind the building. I'll be right back. Promise me you won't get in any of those cars. Not even for a minute, Bella."

Not all of these kids are strangers. A few went to PA and graduated before I even left. I've seen some of the others at The Hole a time or two. They all look pretty rough. Jane looks pretty rough.

"I promise."

He steps out of the car before he can change his mind. I can see he doesn't like this. He knows what happened the night Lonnie died, and he doesn't want to leave me alone with Jane. I get out too.

As she approaches, the first thing I notice is that she's even thinner up close with pale skin stretched thin and sallow. There's a pink barbell in her bottom lip and a line of track marks on the inside of her left arm.

"Hey, Bella." She hugs me briefly and asks where Edward is going.

"He's calling Emmett. He was supposed to meet us here, but the Jeep is MIA."

She seems happy enough with my answer and asks what I've been up to. I tell her about school and Florida, and she nods politely until Edward joins us.

I don't know if he reached her parents. I'm stalling anyway, hoping someone might show up to get her away from these people and get her some help.

"I'm kind of hungry," she says, rubbing her stomach. "Can I borrow some money? Like a five?"

"Don't give her any money," Edward whispers in my ear as I dig through my purse.

"I can't let her starve."

"She won't spend it on food. Trust me." He hates this as much as I do, and it sounds like he knows much more of her story.

"Come in with us, Jane," I offer. "I'll buy you a combo. You can super size it." She needs to. God, she needs to. I'll buy her two combos if she'll eat them. She looks emaciated and unkempt, and her friends are starting to give us dirty looks.

"Nah, I'm waiting on someone out here. I'm gonna eat when he gets here. If you give me a five, I'm good."

"I can't."

"Sure you can. I'll get a combo when my friends go inside. We'll just be a few more minutes."

"I can't give you money." Not for heroin. I can't help this poor girl kill herself.

"Edward?" she asks.

"Let us buy you dinner, Jane," he tries to reason with her. "You can have a burger, and we'll give you a lift home."

"Five dollars," she says, shaking her head. "You fuckers can't spare a five for an old friend?" Her voice is getting louder with each word, and people are starting to stare. "You know what? Fuck you both. I don't need your money anyway."

She turns to join her friends, and they disappear into cars as she walks away from us.

"Jane, please let us take you home." I try one last time as she opens the passenger door of a green Civic hatchback.

"Fuck off."

"Bella, come on," Edward says quietly, tugging my hand.

"We can't just let her leave." I don't know how to walk away even though the car she's in is already backing out of the parking space.

"She's already gone. She has been for a while." The Honda turns left out of the lot and disappears after making a right at the light.

Finally, I let him pull me into the restaurant. We save the conversation until we're alone at a table in the corner munching on fries and junior bacon cheeseburgers.

Mrs. Nelson had answered when Edward called and told him that she and Jane's dad had kicked Jane out three months ago. She'd robbed her parents a few weeks after coming home from her second trip to rehab. Her mother had cried when Edward called tonight, but she had also insisted it was time for _tough love _and refused to come_._

"How is Alec handling all of this?"

"When I saw him over winter break, he was happy and excited that Jane was about to be released in time for Christmas."

"God. He's probably crushed. Poor Jane."

"The whole situation is fucked," he agrees.

"I can't help but wonder what it would have taken to push me over whatever line she crossed."

"Don't say things like that."

_If Ben had succeeded…_

_If that line I blew with Jane had made me feel good instead of awful…_

_If I'd stayed in Port Angeles and hadn't had Charlie and the girls…_

I've been walking such a thin line for the longest time. "It's one reason I'm glad I'm leaving," I admit. "I've been walking around in a haze for years, since before I met you if I'm being honest." I watch the thin white paper of the straw wrapper as I tear it into tiny pieces. "I'm tired of being numb all the time and the partying…it gets old."

"Are you breaking up with Mary Jane?" He would never say it out loud, but he's totally giving me a _bitch, please _look.

"Never. I'm not going to give it up, but when I get to Florida, I'm not going to go looking for a dealer either. I'll probably take some with me and smoke every now and then. I just need to slow down."

"There's nothing wrong with that. I still drink beer occasionally. I don't miss the other shit one bit."

"You're probably the only drug-free person I know," I joke. "Well, except for Jake. He's been clean for years."

"Messing around with liquor and coke is how I ended up in so much trouble over Christmas Break junior year. It was easy to walk away from it." More pieces of the Maggie puzzle click into place, but I can't be angry. The same thing could have happened to me. I'd thought of Tyler that way, even if it had only been for a moment.

He pulls off the lid covering the Frosty and dips two fries into the chocolate ice cream. Leaning forward, he feeds them to me instead of being greedy, and I decide to really put the Maggie thing to rest in my mind for good.

We split the ice cream and wipe out our fries. As we're leaving, I scan the parking lot, hoping Jane changed her mind, but there's no sign of her.

When we get back to Edward's house, it's as dark as we left it, and we're still alone. I'm half undressed by the time we fall onto his bed, and he tugs my jeans off before getting rid of his own clothes.

When he's finally naked, I push him onto his back. "Oh yeah?" he asks as I climb over him.

His hands are on my waist before I can moan a "yes," and then it's his turn to moan as I slowly take him inside. His lips part and he watches with _fuck me_ eyes and shallow breaths until the urge to move takes over. Years ago, I could barely look him in the eye when we'd done this, but the way he looks at me now makes it impossible to look away.

I watch his breath catch as I lean back, placing a hand on each of his thighs for support. It's the leverage I need for the pace I want. He meets it easily, adding his thumb in tight circles when I'm close and groaning my name as I bring him with me.

Esme will be home soon, and we both know it, but getting dressed puts us one step closer to saying goodbye. We leave our clothes off and our bodies touching until the sound of the garage door opening forces our hand.

After dressing quickly, we make our way downstairs to chat with her for a while. If she suspects anything, she doesn't call us on it. He sits on one of the stools, and I stay on my feet but lean on him enough to probably label it a new form of sitting.

Each tick of the clock in the kitchen serves as a reminder of how late it's getting. This is still a school night. I've got to make the drive back to Forks and drag my ass out of bed in the morning. We had been apart for two freakin' years, and I'm waffling like being away from each other for Spring Break is going to kill us.

As if.

Edward kicks me out at ten. "I hate for you to be out on the highway this late," he says as we walk outside.

"I'll be careful, and I'll call you as soon as I get home." I've already cried once today, and I refuse to go all psycho and do it again now. "So, a week and half, right?"

"Next Saturday." He hugs me, talking against my hair. "Are you planning any beach time?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"Don't fall for any surfer boys." I can tell he's teasing. He knows I won't.

"Eh. I'm into baseball players."

"Lucky me."

Lucky us.

Getting my own war-movie worthy goodbye kiss is pretty amazing.

Charlie is set on leaving Forks the minute the final bell rings on Friday. He's in the parking lot waiting for me after school, and we're on the road to Seattle in the time it takes me to give the girls goodbye hugs. I wish he'd given me time to call Edward to at least say goodbye.

Seven more days. This is going to suck, but we'll have the entire summer together…and New York. I'm really excited about New York.

We spend the night in a hotel near SEATAC and arrive at the airport at the ungodly hour of six o'clock in the morning on Saturday so we can make our flight at seven. I'm snoozing before the fasten seatbelt light turns off. We grab a bite to eat in Atlanta during our two hour layover.

After landing in Jacksonville, it takes forty five minutes to get the rental car and finally get on the road. Charlie wasn't comfortable with the idea of staying at Phil's house, so he made reservations for us at the Hilton in St. Augustine.

The sun is setting as we arrive, and it's hard for me to wait for Charlie to park. The hotel is bay front, and there are beautiful boats and so many colors. My camera is already in hand.

He leaves me to it and goes inside to check us in.

Charlie is always hungry, and by the time we're settled, it's well past dinner time for us. He's looks annoyed when he parks in the lot at Osteen's (per my instructions) and sees a line of patrons outside waiting.

"Trust me, Dad," I tell him as I step out of the car. "You're going to love this place. Everything is fried, and it's delicious. It's totally worth the wait."

He agrees as we're walking out an hour and a half later.

The campus tours don't run on Sundays, so we spend our first day hitting some of the attractions. I take him to Fort Matanzas and the pirate museum. After lunch, he insists on going to the _Ripley's Believe It Or Not!_ Museum. It's a total rip off, but he chuckles a time or two and that's worth the price of my boredom.

I breathe a sigh of relief Monday morning when my period shows up right on schedule. It will suck dealing with it on vacation, but it is way better than the alternative. I think I'm in love with my birth control pills.

We spend most of the day at Flagler. Charlie completely embarrasses me by asking to speak to the head of campus security. After interrogating the man over statistics and precautionary measures, he tells him, "Good job," and the poor guy walks away sweating bullets.

He buys two Flagler hoodies in the bookstore, one for him and one for me, and I know he's sold. This is his way of giving me his blessing or whatever.

Since I know he's too proud to ask to see it, I drive to Phil's house on Tuesday. Charlie watches as I put in the code at the neighborhood entrance and wave to the two guards on duty in the guard shack. He doesn't seem overly impressed by the house until we walk in and I have to disarm the fancy alarm system. Then he looks outright happy.

I give him a quick tour, and we step out back to admire the view.

"No swimming alone."

"I'm not a total idiot, Dad."

"Say it."

"I promise."

"Alright. This place will do."

It's hard not to laugh, but I manage. "I'm glad, because my scholarship only covers tuition and a two hundred dollar book stipend each semester. It would suck if you made me pay for a dorm." I'm trying to keep the mood light. My dad has a lot of pride, and this can't be easy for him.

"You know, I started a college fund for you with my very first paycheck from the station. I put back two dollars. There were some weeks during the early years I could only add a few dollars. But I never stopped adding to it," he pauses, smiling a little. "After I paid off the house, the deposits were much bigger. With or without the scholarship, it's still for you. We'll sign over the account at the bank before you leave this summer."

"You're really okay with me leaving?"

"I want you to be happy. If living here for a while will make you happy, then you should do it. And if it doesn't work out, I've already told you that you never need a reason to come home. That offer never expires, Bella."

"Thanks, Dad," I rest my head against his shoulder. "I'm going to miss you."

He drops a kiss on my hair. "I'll miss you too, and I don't expect you to use all of those long distance cards calling me, but I want to hear your voice at least once a week, young lady."

"Deal."

"I want my station listed as your emergency contact. Someone is always there."

"Okay."

"If you decide to take night classes, call security to take you to your car. I'm not kidding about this one." He points a finger in my face to prove it. "There are phones outside every building and waiting ten or fifteen minutes could be the difference between life and death."

Having a cop for a dad is a trip. "Got it."

"Good. I think that's it."

After locking up, we make it back to town in time to catch a lull in the crowd at Osteen's. Charlie can't get enough fried seafood.

Wednesday morning, he tells me to pack after breakfast. We check out around nine and by noon, we're in Orlando parking in the lot at Magic Kingdom.

Neither of us has ever been to Disney World, and I don't care if I am eighteen, this is the most awesome fucking surprise ever. We wait in long lines for rides and food, and it's worth every sore muscle at the end of the day when we leave.

It had been a spur of the moment thing, so he pulls in at the first nice looking hotel he sees and books rooms for two nights.

Thursday morning we make the drive over to Universal Studios and catch the rides there. This might be the first time I've ever seen my dad let loose and act like a kid.

The days have passed so much more quickly than I expected them to. Before I know it Charlie is making the drive back to Jacksonville Friday morning, and then I'm saying goodbye to Florida again as I board a flight back to Seattle.

The drive to Forks seems to take longer than ever. "Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Grandpa has Alzheimer's. Mom and Phil moved him into their house this week."

"I'm sorry, kid. That's terrible. He's a good man."

"Do you think maybe we could go fishing Sunday? The three of us?"

"Sure…if you think he'll want to."

We get in late, and after sleeping well past noon on Saturday, I finally check the messages on my answering machine. The first one is time stamped Friday around noon. I don't recognize the number, but I can tell it's not local because of the area code.

_Hey, it's me. I can't explain right now, but I'm not going to make it home this weekend. It looks like we'll be gone until Tuesday. I'm not sure yet, but that's the plan. I miss you, and I can't wait to see you. I love you, Bella. _

I wonder if he is signing. If he is, he sounds excited about it. I'm guessing they made him an offer too good to refuse.

Eight hours isn't so bad. Plus we'll have Labor Day, Fall Break, and Thanksgiving to get us through until Winter Break. We'll still have the phone. We'll be fine.

The next two messages are from Mom. They've been home since Wednesday, and she wants to hear about my trip.

Instead of returning her call, I get dressed and drive to the Port.

She and Grandpa are relaxing on the back deck and watching Phil drive golf balls into the woods at the back of their property line when I arrive.

We talk about my trip, and they seem genuinely happy that I've chosen Florida. Renee even gives me the okay to dump all the other schools. Grandpa asks about tuition and beams when I tell him I've got it covered.

"Do you want to go fishing tomorrow?" I ask him. "Dad doesn't have to work until Monday. We could leave early in the morning for Forks."

"That sounds good, Dad. I can pick you up tomorrow night if you want to go." My mother's offer doesn't surprise me but the hopeful tone of her voice does.

"Have you learned to bait your own hook yet?" he asks playfully.

"Gross, Grandpa."

He sighs, shaking his head. "I'm going to teach you tomorrow. It hardly seems right to send you out into the world without teaching you how to fish properly."

After dinner, Phil and I make our way out to the deck for a smoke.

"I've been thinking," he says, doing that nervous thing again.

Man. I thought the wedding might put an end to all that. "You don't say."

He ignores me. "I'd like to pick Walter up tomorrow night if you think it would be okay. I don't want to meet your father for the first time at your graduation, Bella. I think we'd both be more comfortable in a less public setting."

And he's offering to do it on Charlie's turf. It's a good idea.

"I think that would be pretty awesome of you, but I think Mom needs to stay here."

"I agree." I'm so glad my mom found this man instead of some asshole douchebag. As far as step-dads go, Phil is the bomb.

Grandpa and I turn in early because I told Charlie we would be at the house by eight o'clock Sunday morning.

I lied. We don't arrive until almost nine.

Charlie loads rods and three different tackle boxes in the bed of my truck before climbing into the cab. It feels weird driving with both of them in the truck, almost backwards. They're the grownups.

Luckily, Charlie has an old pair of gloves in the largest tackle box. Grandpa was serious about teaching me to fish. Handling crickets and worms and stabbing them in the guts feels less personal with thick gloves on, but it's still nasty and makes me want to hurl.

My memories obviously live in the rose colored corner of my mind. This doesn't seem nearly as cool as I remember.

It gets better as the day progresses. I give up on the fishing part and listen to Grandpa quietly tell stories about his days in the Air Force. Dad entertains him in return with small town cop stories. My parents may be divorced, but these two men are still family.

We ditch the boat and hit the diner for a late lunch. While Grandpa is in the bathroom, I use the time alone to give Charlie a heads up.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Phil is coming to pick up Grandpa later." He doesn't look up from his sandwich, chewing slowly, turning it over in his head. "I like him, Dad. He's good to Mom, and he's good to me. And not just us…he's good to his players. He visited Emmett in the hospital when he had surgery." I don't mention the women's shelter. It's in the news all the time and I don't want to go overboard. "I don't want to feel bad for liking him."

"I don't want you to feel bad for it. It's not easy for me to talk about your mom, Bella." It's not easy for him to talk about his feelings period. Stubbornness isn't the only thing I inherited from my dad. "I made a lot of mistakes. I lost my family because of pride and stupidity. So I can't really blame your mother for making the choice she made."

He glances over at me before continuing. "We both made bad decisions after the divorce, and I'm not proud of the way we put you in the middle for so long. I won't ever do that to you again, kid. I swear."

He proves it later by shaking Phil's hand and introducing himself instead of making me do it. They chat about baseball while Grandpa watches the last ten minutes of the news. Charlie brings up Florida and tells Phil how much better he feels about me staying in a gated community than some unruly dorm. It's his way of saying thanks.

Phil nods a silent "you're welcome" and conversation picks right up with talk about the campus. Grandpa hugs me before leaving, and I might cry a little when he hugs my dad too and pats him on the face.

"Wait!" None of them move as I rush to the dining room to get my camera. Dad and Grandpa humor me, standing awkwardly next to each other while I take a few pictures.

"Why don't you go stand with them, Bella? I'll take some of you together." Phil's offer doesn't surprise me. This is why I love him.

I stand in the middle, and they each put an arm around me, and I hate that my grandpa is sick, but I'm so glad he's here. I'll have these pictures forever.

We stand outside until Phil's car disappears from our street.

"He's not so bad," Charlie says as we walk into the house.

"Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome." He points in the direction of the stairs. "Do you mind if I shower first? I'd like to see Jeanette for a while before her shift starts."

"Go for it."

While he's in the shower, I call Alice to see if she wants to come over for a while. When she finds out Charlie is coming over, she decides to invite herself over for a sleepover. It's gross - the way she's dying for our parents to start doing the deed. Ick.

Jeanette and Alice talk about everything. Unfortunately, Alice repeats some of it to me. Stuff I never ever want to know. Charlie won't touch her mom if Alice is in the house. So, tonight, Alice is removing herself from the equation and crossing her fingers.

I'm trying not to think about it at all as Charlie comes down the stairs.

"See you later," he says as he walks out the door.

Alice is sitting on my bed when I get back to my room after my shower. "This is so romantic," she says, grinning. "Your dad is looking hot in that button up."

"Shut the hell up if you want me to speak to you at all tonight." She tortures me by singing the chorus of "Let's Get It On" as I slip into my favorite pajamas. "Bitch, you are no Marvin Gaye. Shut up."

"Come on." She takes my hand after I'm dressed, pulling me out of my room and down the stairs. "You need to relax."

With Charlie gone, we don't have to sneak out to the woods. I roll one on the back porch, and we smoke and laugh. Every time she says something suggestive about our parents, I punch her in the leg.

"Tell me about your trip. How was Florida?"

"Almost perfect," I tell her. She already knows why I'm struggling with this. We've talked about it enough.

"And the reunion sex yesterday?"

"He's not back yet."

"Is everything okay?"

"I guess. I'm not really sure." Instead of trying to explain, I play Edward's message for her when we get back to my room. "Do you think he's signing?"

"I don't know. I don't think he would do something like that without at least talking to you about it first."

"Technically, we have talked about it. Several times."

"Well, Tuesday is only a couple of days away."

Easy for her to say.

Monday sucks harder than a normal first day back after a break because I drive myself crazy wondering if he really is coming home on Tuesday and what he'll tell me if he does.

The girls do a good job keeping me busy after school. We make a trip to PA for some shopping and even though I know it is still Monday (and there's no way he's home), I make Leah drive by Edward's house before leaving the Port. Seeing his Volvo in the driveway is enough to make me miss him a little less. We stop in to say hello to Mom and Phil and end up having dinner with them before heading back to Forks.

I'm the last one Leah drops off since I live closest to her house.

"I'm sorry I gave you a hard time over Edward," she says after parking in my driveway.

"It's okay. I'm more upset about you threatening him."

"Really?" she asks, laughing.

"No. I guess not. I'm just glad it didn't scare him away."

"So am I."

Tuesday takes even longer than Monday did. I check my watch three or four times during each class, wishing the minutes would tick by a little faster. During lunch, I use the payphone in the cafeteria to call home to check my messages, but there aren't any.

When the final bell rings, I have no idea if I should go home to Charlie's house or head to the Port and wait in Edward's driveway until he gets there.

I don't have to do either.

He's already waiting for me in the parking lot, sporting a tan and standing next to the tailgate of my truck. He's talking to Jasper and watching the front exit of Forks High as I walk through it.

"He looks excited," Alice says as we walk down the stairs.

"I know." I'm not sure if he's excited to see me or excited because he's going to tell me he's moving to North Carolina. Either way, he's happy. We'll be fine. He's still looking at me like he loves me, and that's what counts.

"Hey," he says, pulling my backpack from my shoulder and dropping it next to his feet.

"Hey," I answer as he hugs me tightly. I'm scared to ask, but I've been driving myself batty for days. "What's going on?"

"Do you want to go back to your house first?"

"No. I can't wait anymore. Why didn't you come home on Saturday?"

"I was in Florida this weekend."

"Florida?" It explains the tan but that's about it. "I thought you were in North Carolina?"

"I was…until Thursday morning. Mom called the hotel Wednesday. Jacksonville University left a message. Some kid they offered a scholarship decided to stay close to home in Oklahoma. They wanted to make an offer."

My heart starts beating double time the second he mentions JU.

"And?" _Please. Please, please, please…_

"Dad and I flew down to Jacksonville Thursday afternoon, and Mom met us there Friday. We toured the campus Saturday morning and went to a game that afternoon-"

"Did you take it?" I interrupt.

"Of course. It's perfect…baseball, beaches, sunny days, and you."

It is perfect. "You're going to be a Dolphin."

He grins. "You know the JU mascot?"

"I toured the school last summer. In fact, I have an offer from JU too." I could easily commute from St. Augustine to Jacksonville.

"But you want Flagler, Bella. You can still have that. It's an hour drive…the same distance we're dealing with now, and we've been doing pretty well so far. You don't have to give up what you want, and I don't want you to."

"You're sure? I mean, you're willing to move all the way across the country to be with me…"

"I'm sure. We can arrange our own schedules in college, so we'll figure out how to maximize our time together. I'll probably load up on classes for the fall semester and then do only the minimum course hours required for the scholarship in the spring during baseball season. We'll make it work."

I love this man for thinking about things like this and already planning ways to make me a priority. I think we've both learned our lessons. "Maybe we can make Fridays early days so you can spend long weekends on the beach with me."

"Throw in some salty, kinky sex on that king sized bed of yours and you're on."

"Deal."

"I missed you." Hands on my waist. "Every day." A whisper in my ear. "Every night." Sweet, sweet kisses on my neck.

I missed him too.

"Come home with me?" I ask. "I'd like to celebrate. Naked."

"Your dad?"

"Is in the Port with Jeanette."

"Let's go."

When we get to my house, we bypass the couch this time, opting for my bed upstairs. It's no king, but it will do. I hope.

This is new. That afternoon on the couch is the only time we've ever had sex in Charlie's house. I should probably feel guilty about it now, but I don't. I haven't seen Edward in thirteen days. With any luck, I'll never have to go that long again.

We take our time. We have plenty of it now.

He kisses me the same way he's loving me - slow and deep, hard and sweet. Rough and frantic until it hurts so good.

We're left boneless and floating, facing each other with our legs still tangled beneath the sheets.

"I owe your mom and Phil." His fingers are threaded with mine between us, and his voice is thick even though his eyes are happy.

"Why do you say that?"

"She wrote a really badass recommendation letter, and he FedExed some of my best tapes to the coaches down at JU. He followed up with a phone call…a few phone calls actually."

"But you got in on your own," I tell him. "If you didn't have the talent, there's no way they would want you. A phone call from Phil won't do them much good on the field."

"I also owe you."

"You don't owe me anything. You're the one changing plans for me."

"I owe you six college baseball scholarships. The only reason I played last year was because you begged my coach not to give up on me." He rubs his thumb over my knuckles. "I hated being on the field with Ben and Royce. I hated every minute of it."

"Why did you do it?"

"Phil told me what you said, and I didn't want you to feel like it was all for nothing."

"I feel like I should apologize again."

"Don't. I'm glad I played. It's my ride to Florida."

_Okay, universe. _

_I'm good now. _

_I get it. _

I try not to, I really do, but the tears come fast and hot.

"Again?" he asks, looking a bit panicked.

"These are good tears. Really good tears…maybe the best fucking tears ever." I giggle like an idiot as I wipe my face.

"The best?" he asks.

"The very best."

-o-

**A/N- It's about damn time the poor girl gets to cry some happy tears, no?**

**I'm leaving a week from tomorrow to go on a (much needed) Florida vacation. It's been over a year since my feet have touched the sand. Not cool. I'm not sure when Ch 30 will post, but I'll get it done as soon as I can. **

**TGAG made it into the top 5 in this week's FOTW poll over at TLS. Thanks for voting, you guys! And thanks to Nic for the rec. Love you, girl.  
><strong>

**I'm so sorry I didn't get to do review replies this time around. I read and appreciate them all. **

**Thanks for reading! **


	30. Chapter 30

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I own three old prom dresses. Any excuse for a nice dress, right?**

**Thank you, M, for doing your thing. **

**Iris- Thank you for being a night owl (like me) and answering silly questions when I need help. You're awesome. **

**Maxipoo1024 rocked her beta keyboard on this thing for me, but any mistakes left are mine. **

**Warnings: Hotel sex. Filth, flarn, filth…**

Chapter 30

_Little drops of rain  
>Whisper of the pain<br>Tears of loves lost in the days gone by  
>Our love is strong<br>With you there is no wrong  
>Together we shall go until we die. My, my, my<em>

_Inspiration's what you are to me_  
><em>Inspiration, look and see<em>

_And so today, my world it smiles_  
><em>Your hand in mine, we walk the miles<em>  
><em>Thanks to you it will be done<em>  
><em>For you to me are the only one<em>

_(Thank You – Led Zeppelin)_

_-o-_

I've officially rejected every school but Flagler. It feels good to have a solid plan and a partner in crime.

Edward had called Durham and turned down their offer before he even left Jacksonville. A phone call to me would have been nice…but he'd wanted to tell me in person, and I can't be mad about that. He's also had to make calls to San Diego, New Hampshire, and two schools in Chicago over the last few days. His parents are relieved that he finally made a decision. He'd been pushing the deadlines, waiting and hoping for a call from any of the schools in Florida.

Leah had received a full ride to UW but no dorm so she's decided to go to Portland. Her tuition and books will be covered by scholarship, and her grands have offered her free room and board. Her plan is set – undergrad then law school.

Carmen is already registered for beauty school, and Elliot will be a senior at PAH.

Jasper and Eric are going to UW and have decided to share an apartment off campus instead of getting stuck in a sucky dorm. Jasper had gone with Alice and Carmen to the tattoo shop a couple of weeks ago, and Camilla hooked him up with the number of a shop in Seattle. He's already set up an interview for an apprenticeship. Being a tattoo artist would be kind of perfect for him, and I'm not just saying that because I know he'll give me a discount.

Alice doesn't talk much about Mississippi, but I know she's nervous. She's enrolled at Belhaven but only taking general education courses. She has no idea what she wants to major in.

We're so close to being done with high school…it's starting to freak me out.

Next step? Prom.

I have to admit the theme for prom this year isn't as lame as last year's. Last year they'd ripped off Boyz II Men and themed the whole damn prom "End of the Road," which is just weird because it's a song about cheating and breaking up. Not to mention when the prom pics had come in…the bottom of every picture had been captioned "End of the Road – Forks High 1993". We'd made fun of that for an entire afternoon while stoned out in the woods behind my house.

And now these hookers are making me go to prom. The only good thing about it is Edward. Well, the dress is cool too.

We're sifting through storage boxes of old pictures that the past yearbook staff had left behind. Alice suggested "A Walk Through Time" as a prom theme, and her little minions happily agreed. We're looking for old prom pictures from past classes to use as "decorations" in the gym. Couples are encouraged to choose attire from any era.

Alice is going to do the Cyndi Lauper prom look. There's rainbow tulle, denim, and white leggings involved. She promised Jasper the bolo. Their pictures should be interesting.

Leah is wearing her mom's prom dress from back in the sixties, and Eric has already rented a light blue tux at the shop in PA. I don't even know what to think about that.

Carmen and I refuse to play this game. We're letting our boyfriends wear normal black tuxes. She's already bought a black flapper dress, and I'm sticking with the slip dress. It's clingy, and I can almost guarantee Edward will be too once he sees it.

"Holy shit. Look at this," Leah says, holding out a picture for my inspection.

It's my parents at my dad's senior prom. _What the hell are they wearing? _Pink. His shirt is pink and matches her hideous dress. Then I feel bad for a second because she probably had to wear that style because she was pregnant.

The funny thing is she's happy in this picture. She doesn't look upset or sad or like she's being robbed of something. She's smiling. I've taken enough pictures over the last two years to recognize a real smile, and I know my mom.

"Can I keep this?" I ask.

"Did you seriously ask me that?" Leah shoots back.

"Thanks." I put it in my camera bag. "I'm out. It's almost four." It's Friday and Edward should be in Forks any minute now. They huff and tease but don't object as I ditch them and our dumb school so I can get home.

He's already there waiting on the porch swing when I arrive.

"Sorry I'm late. Prom crap." He takes my key from me and unlocks the front door since I'm juggling my backpack, my camera case, and several library books I've been using for my final English research paper.

"I haven't been here long."

After dumping my stuff all over the dining room table, I wave him closer.

"You have to see this," I tell him as I pull the old prom pic out of my case.

"Jesus. Your dad is pimpin.'"

"I know, right?" Laughing at this is so easy. They look ridiculous, but Charlie is undeniably suave.

"Thank you for not forcing me to wear a retro tux. I'm not cool enough to pull it off."

"Stop it." An elbow in the ribs seems appropriate. He's plenty cool.

"What? Pink is not my color."

Yeah, I can't see him wearing pink. I can't see myself wearing it either. "I'm in this picture too. She had me five months later."

"Best day ever." His arms sneak around my waist, and he rests his chin on my shoulder.

Sometimes it's hard to decide which I like best – the naked times or the hugging times like this. I want them both forever in equal parts. "Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"I don't ever want us to lose this part of us again…our friendship. You know I love the sexin', but this is important too."

He squeezes me a little tighter. "I promise."

"Good. Are you ready to have your ass handed to you?" I nod in the direction of the TV.

"Not this time," he warns. "I've been practicing with the volume down every night while we talk on the phone. You're going down."

I don't tell him that I do the same thing on nights Charlie is working. I don't let him win either. He kicks my ass fair and square, and I don't even mind because we're sitting so close our legs are touching, laughing and heckling each other as we try to kill each other on screen.

When Charlie comes downstairs, he invites us to dinner, and since I was busy playing instead of cooking, we take him up on it. Instead of riding with him, we follow in the Volvo listening to Superchunk with the windows rolled down since the weather is nice.

It makes me think of Florida and how it will feel to ride like this with salt-kissed skin after being on the beach together all day.

I can't wait.

"I hope I'm the reason for that smile," he says, grabbing my hand and placing it on the gear shift so he can cover mine with his own.

"Always."

"Want to share?"

"Thinking about Florida."

"I think about it too," he says. "A lot. I want to see your favorite places and eat at that restaurant you keep talking about."

His smile matches mine and seeing it does funny things to my heart. "My favorite place is the balcony outside my bedroom. I fell asleep out there one night sitting in a patio chair with my feet propped up on the rail. The sounds, the view, even the air…all so perfect."

"You're sure you don't mind sharing?" Evil grin is back because he knows damn well I don't mind. I'm looking forward to our weekends. We'll kick it on the beach during the day, game or watch movies when it's dark, and have all kinds of the sexin' in between. No parents. No sneaking around.

When baseball season starts, I'll be at every home game I can make, and not because I feel like I have to be because I'm his girlfriend - I'll be there because he's my best friend and I love him. I want to see him win. Always.

He parks in the lot next to Charlie's cruiser, and instead of answering, before Edward kills the engine, I ask a much more important question of my own.

"Do you think we should tell him and just get it out of the way?"

My dad knows we're back together, and he's okay with it. Not overjoyed, but he's okay with it. My dad doesn't know that Edward is moving to Florida too.

"The sooner we tell him, the better. Telling him here in public is a good idea. He'll be less inclined to shoot me with witnesses hangin' around."

"Now you sound like Emmett."

"Come on," he says, reaching for the door handle. "He's starting to give me funny looks."

"You're imagining things. That's his _hungry _face."

Charlie rolls his eyes when Edward takes my hand the moment it's within reach, but I see the half grin he tries to hide as he turns in the direction of the door.

Edward and I hadn't discussed possible ways to bring this up to my dad on the way here because I'd been busy, off in La La Land, daydreaming about sex and beaches.

Once we've ordered, Charlie leans back against the booth's bright red pleather. "How was your break, Edward?"

"It was great, Chief." He glances at me, looking for direction, but I'm not there yet in my head. "How was Florida?"

_Good. Turn it around. _

It works for a while. Charlie talks about Disney and Osteen's, and our food comes out as he's going on about Phil's security system. As he adds an unhealthy amount of butter to his baked potato, he turns it around again by asking one simple question.

"Did you make a decision while you were in North Carolina?"

"We left early to visit another school."

My dad stops jabbing his food long enough to look up at us. "Let me guess…a small, private college in a little town in Florida."

"No, sir. A big city and a large, private college that just happen to be close to the little town you're thinking of. Jacksonville U made a great offer."

"Close but not too close," Charlie mutters. "I hate to admit it, but I'm glad you'll be close by. As much as I want Bella to spread her wings, or whatever they're calling it these days, it's good to know she'll have someone to look out for her."

"Dad, I'm not a toddler."

"The same goes for Edward. He'll have you."

I'm pretty sure this is my dad's awkward way of saying he's cool with it, so I let the subject die as he attacks his steak. I can't really argue anyway because there's an undeniable truth in his words. Even during our worst and most misguided moments, we'd done the best we could to look out for each other.

After dinner, he goes to work, and Edward comes home with me. There are six messages on my machine when we get upstairs to my room. The first one is from Alice, and she says for me to call her back immediately.

"What's got your panties in twist?" I ask after she answers.

"Kurt Cobain killed himself."

"What the fuck?"

"Seriously, dude. Come over. Jasper, Leah, and a few other kids are here. We're listening to Nirvana under the stars."

"What happened?"

"MTV has been reporting all night on it, so have the major stations. It's crazy. Come over and we'll fill you in."

Man. What a sad frickin' day. This reminds me of when River Phoenix died last year. Only THAT put me in the bed for a day.

Edward is as shocked as I am when I tell him what she said. I mean sure, everyone knows the dude had issues, but damn. And his kid...man, that's just sad.

There are more than just a few kids at her house when we get there. Edward has to park on the street, and it kind of pisses me off. There should be reserved parking for best friends. We can hear "Come As You Are" before we even reach the driveway. It's a good thing her only neighbor works the night shift in the Port.

A shotgun to the chin will do it. God. It's depressing and creepy, and it makes me think about Lonnie, which makes me think about Jane even though what she's doing is more like Russian roulette with a hypodermic needle.

Edward has a game tomorrow afternoon, so he turns down the beer Jasper offers him. I've been to a lot of parties in my day but none like this. There's weed in the air, and the only sound is Nirvana. The normal chatter is absent. Instead of dancing, we're all sitting in the yard, getting stoned and keeping time with our heads.

We stick around until a little past eleven.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I tell him as we stand outside my door, saying our goodnights.

"You don't have to make the drive to Klahowya."

"Carmen and I are riding together. It's a Saturday on the Olympic Peninsula. What else are we going to do?"

"Thanks a lot."

"You asked for it. You know I want to see you play. I think I'm going to spend the night in the Port. Can you give me a ride back to Forks sometime Sunday?"

"You know I will." He steps back, looking nervous and unsure in a way I haven't seen in weeks. I don't like it at all. "I want to ask you something, but I don't want you to take it the wrong way."

Not liking this at all. "Okay."

"Will you spend the night with me? Prom night? It's a week away, and I thought about surprising you with hotel reservations, but that wouldn't really work since you'll need clothes and stuff. I know we're still trying to find a balance with the physical stuff, and I don't want you to think it's about sex. I just…" he swallows, looks away for a second, and then tells me with his eyes and his mouth "…I want to sleep with you again."

He means sleep with me in his arms and his face in my hair, and I'd have to be a complete idiot to turn him down. "The suites at the Olympic Lodge are nice. We could swing by your house so your mom can see us all dressed up." I kiss him and grope him a little. "And at least some of it had better be about sex. We're going to prom. We're getting a room. We have to have the sex. Don't you know how clichés work?"

"Nuh uh. Prom sex is only cliché if it's cherry popping sex. We're clearly past that."

"True."

Watching him drive away with a smile on my face is a recent development. The desperation his tail lights used to cause doesn't come. The sense of living on borrowed time is gone. It isn't too good to be true anymore. It's too real not to be.

He grins and flirts the next day when he sees me sitting in the visitor's section at the ball park. It makes me feel dumb, lucky, and horny all at the same time. No one can turn me into a moron the way Edward can.

The game goes into overtime. Carmen makes so much fun of me when I complain because apparently there is no "overtime" in baseball. There are only extra innings. Two extra innings, but PA pulls it off in the end.

The boys look beat, and in the few minutes I have with Edward before his bus leaves, I offer to skip our plans for tonight so he can rest.

"Not a chance." He smiles and plants a sweaty, nasty, delicious kiss on me. Ugh. I don't know how he can be so gross and hot at the same time.

When he shows up at my house later, he's anything but gross: baggy button fly jeans, a green and white JU baseball t-shirt, and a white JU ball cap that he's only owned for a couple of weeks, but the bill is broken in, curved like he's had it for years.

He looks ridiculously good and smells like heaven, and I can't touch him because I'm busy introducing him to my grandpa. The joke is on me. It seems they met at the wedding.

"I see you finally talked to the girl," Grandpa says after shaking Edward's hand.

"Yes, sir," he answers, blushing a little.

Oh please. He's done so much more than talk to me, and now he wants to blush? "You're going to explain that later when we're alone," I whisper as we make our way up to the third floor for some pool with Carmen and Elliot in tow.

We play boys against girls, and I lose a couple of times because of Carmen, but it's okay. She can't help that she sucks at pool. She makes up for it with her baseball knowledge.

We quit when the boys' stomachs start rumbling. Elliot is craving Mexican food so we agree to hit Taco Shack.

"What's up with you and my grandpa?" I ask as soon as we're alone in the Volvo.

"He noticed me stalking you at the wedding. He offered to introduce me to you, and I told him that would be a bad idea since you didn't care much for me at the time."

"That's not true," I protest.

He leans forward and kisses me lightly. "I know that. Now."

"I can't believe he was going to try to hook us up."

"It wasn't like that. Not at all," he laughs. "He walked up and said, 'The first step is talking to the girl. I could help you out with an introduction.' I had to explain that we already knew each other. I gave it to him in a nutshell." He looks over his shoulder as he backs out of the drive and onto the highway. "I had her. I lost her."

"What did he say?"

"He said exactly what he said before, 'The first step is talking to the girl.' Thank God that stupid dj played that Sade song. I knew it was my best shot…maybe my only shot."

"You ambushed me," I say quietly, trying to decide how I feel about this.

He glances over at me. "Well, yeah."

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt me to dance with you to that song?" Angry. I'm a little angry.

"Yes," he says firmly. "It hurt me just as much. Don't think for one minute that it didn't. But I'm still not sorry I did it. I needed an opening, something to get me to you."

"You could have walked up and said hello."

"Yes, but then I wouldn't have been able to dance with you. My way meant dancing and talking."

True. "Damn you for being such a sneaky, irresistible boy," I tell him, shaking my head, trying not to smile and failing.

"You love me."

"You know it."

"I am sorry it hurt you. I'm sorry I hurt you. More than anything, I wish I could promise to never hurt you again. But I am a guy, Bella, and I can't read your mind. Do you know how glad I am that you didn't shut me down and give me the silent treatment just now when you were mad at me? When you're upset, I need you to tell me."

I had done those things when we were younger. I'd avoided and distracted. It doesn't excuse his behavior or the way he'd treated me, but I certainly hadn't helped our situation. "Fighting scares me. My parents fought all the time those last few years. All the time."

"My parents fight. They love each other, and they fight. They even yell occasionally. Sometimes, I know exactly what you're thinking or how you're feeling because I can see it all over your face. Other times…you have a hell of a poker face, Bella." He parks the car in the lot at Taco Shack, and Carmen pulls into the spot next to ours.

I roll down my window as she gets out. "Can you guys grab a table?" I ask her. "We need a minute." Her eyes widen a little, and her head tilts until she makes eye contact with Edward. "Stop being a jackass. We're finishing an important conversation. It's cool."

She still looks suspicious, but she and Elliot leave us to go inside.

"I didn't fight either," he says quietly. He turns in his seat, leans forward, and wraps his right hand around the back of my neck. Slowly he pulls me in, letting his fingers wander into my hair as he looks me square in the eye. "I'm going to fight from now on, and I swear - if and when I ever hurt you again, it won't be deliberately. I need you to let me in, all the way. Being a clueless bastard was never intentional."

This is it. I either believe him or I don't. The one thing I know now is that he has never purposefully hurt me.

Trust is believing that he never will.

"I thought fighting meant admitting there was something wrong. I didn't want to believe that. It was all so confusing because I'd been taking care of myself since Renee left. I'm not trying to say I was doing a stellar job or anything, but it was hard for me to let you take care of me, and then you just…stopped. The same way Renee and Jake did. Only it was worse because it was happening in slow motion."

"Fuck, Bella. I'm so -"

"Don't," I interrupt. I can already tell he's starting to feel guilty. "You were a shit, no doubt." He laughs a little, and I'm glad we can talk about things like this now. "But I was too, and I never meant to hurt you either. I'm going to try trusting you to pick me, and I'm hoping this time we can take care of each other, even if that means arguing every now and then."

"Every time you get mad, I want to fuck you silly, so we'll try to have heated discussions instead of real fights, and we'll skip quickly to the make-up sex."

"Oh my God. You're such a closet freak. Let's go inside before Carmen gets suspicious."

He laughs, but he doesn't deny it.

Dinner is fun, even after a few of the boys' teammates show up and take tables surrounding ours. Edward is right. These guys are different. They're definitely well-mannered and more respectful of girls. It's nice to see Edward laughing and joking around with them.

He gives me a lift back to Renee's, and I can see how tired he is. "Go home and get some rest," I tell him, brushing my fingers across the bags under his eyes. "You've had a long day."

He's not too tired to reach out and pull me close for a goodnight kiss.

Yeah. I'm actually starting to look forward to prom night.

Grandpa has already turned in for the night, and Phil is on the phone in his office talking to an old college buddy. Renee is sitting on the couch watching _Ghost _on HBO.

I'm not really tired so I sit with her for a while.

"Edward told me what you did back in January…with the recommendation letter. Thank you." My mom and Phil had both seemed happy when Edward told them about JU.

"Please, don't thank me. I owed it to the poor kid after giving him hell the first half of his junior year."

"What?"

"I wasn't exactly nice. I graded him fairly, but I didn't treat him fairly." I can hear the regret in her tone, so I let her continue without interrupting. "I didn't realize it was the same for him until after the fight with Ben. Before then, he'd seemed…okay, but after?" She shakes her head, frowning. "He looked exactly like you had looked for months, like someone had died. I'm so sorry I didn't take you seriously. It's obvious when you two are together. I can see that now. Maybe I ignored it intentionally before, I'm not sure. Or maybe I dismissed it because I was blinded by my own past."

"It's okay. I guess we weren't ready then. If we had been, we wouldn't have fallen apart the way we did. But, Mom?" I make sure I have her full attention and eye contact. "I really think we're going to make it this time."

"I really hope you do." She says the words so warmly, wrapping one arm around me as she does, I have no doubt she means them. "I'm glad Florida worked out."

"I am too."

Edward and I spend Sunday at the mall, meeting with Phil's travel agent and booking our New York trip. I hate wishing time away, but I'm counting down the days until June. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm more excited about Floyd than I was Pearl Jam.

The week passes quickly even though I don't see Edward at all. We're both finishing up projects and papers amidst studying for finals, and he's still juggling baseball too.

The skies are mercifully clear the morning of prom. No chick wants to deal with wet prom hair. Our morning classes seem to take forever, and instead of going to the cafeteria for lunch, we make our way to the office to check out for the day. Lots of girls skipped school today, and a few of them are already at Louise's shop when we get there. It doesn't matter. Carmen is the one doing our hair.

Leah is opting for a beehive. I'm skeptical at first, but when it's done…it's gorgeous.

Alice requests a genuine eighties crimp. It's crazy, poofy, and weird. She's thrilled.

I go for a simple updo with the tips curled, almost an exact duplicate of my wedding do – only minus the blue. I'm back to my natural color.

Carmen's hair is orange. Her dress is black. All she needs is a broom to complete the look. It's cool, though. She may have turned into a sap, but she's still my girl – ballsy and wild.

She comes home and hangs out with me in the kitchen as I make chicken alfredo. It might not be Edward's favorite anymore – I'm not really sure – but chances are he still likes it. I hadn't been kidding about the peanut butter and jelly sandwich thing until Carmen mentions doubling whatever we decide to do. We can't make it to a fancy dinner in the Port, but I'm a decent cook and there's no reason we can't have a nice dinner here.

Carmen does my makeup first then her own. We make a quick trip out back for a blunt before Charlie wakes up around seven. He always works nightshift on prom nights and on graduation nights. Statistically speaking, kids are more likely to be stupid on special occasions.

He eats dinner alone in the kitchen while Carmen and I finally get dressed upstairs.

My dad isn't one to get all mushy, but he smiles and tells us both we look beautiful when we come down the stairs all dressed up.

"I'm going to skip the designated driver speech because I've given it to both of you a hundred times or more," he says. "Be careful and be safe."

"We will, Dad. Drinking would interfere with our after prom plans." His eyes go wide for moment until I realize what I just implied and fix it by amending, "We're going to Edward's house after prom so his parents can see us all gussied up. Esme wants to take a few pictures."

"Hmph."

Like clockwork, there's a quick series of knocks on the front door.

_Jesus. _He's here.

It's dumb to be nervous because it's Edward, but I am because I want him to think I look pretty, and I can't wait to see him in a tuxedo. It's a happy nervous-pukey type feeling for a change.

Charlie opens the door, blocking our view of the boys and pissing me off by making small talk instead of just letting them into the freakin' house already. I want to see my hot boyfriend all dressed up. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently it's not, because he finally decides to end the torture by inviting them inside.

_Damn. _

Just…damn. Edward has always looked great in a suit. He'd nearly killed me by wearing a suit to my mom's wedding. This prom tux thing just might put me in my fucking grave. The best part is he's kind of looking at me like he wants to eat me alive. The feeling is definitely mutual.

"Hey," he says, smiling and walking over to me with a small, clear plastic box in his hand. "You look amazing."

Charlie coughs.

"You're looking awfully spiffy yourself," I tell him. "Did you guys win the game?"

"It was a shut out," he answers, nodding in Elliot's direction. "Our pitcher told the guys we had hot dates tonight and begged the whole team to make it quick and lethal."

"I also threatened to quit on the spot if we went into extra innings," Elliot adds, laughing.

"Awesome. I…uh, cooked. Are you hungry?"

Edward rubs his stomach. "Is that chicken alfredo I smell?" I nod as he wraps an arm around me and hugs me close. "You're the best." Charlie clears his throat behind us. "Sorry, Chief." He turns his head to look my dad in the eye. "But she is."

My dad just smirks as he shakes his head and rests his hands on his hips. "I'm glad you finally figured that out. You kids be good."

"Yes, sir," Edward answers.

"Of course we will, Chief." Carmen gives him her best church smile.

He leaves, sparing us any more warnings.

Dinner is fun, and we take our time, laughing and talking. Elliot and Edward insist on cleaning up since I cooked. I let them. It gives me and Carmen a chance to burn one before we leave.

I only stab Edward once as I'm pinning on the stupid boutonniere. I stick myself twice. It's what I deserve for trying to do it stoned. Luckily, he chose a wrist corsage for me, tiny white roses atop silver tulle. I'm wondering if Carmen helped him choose it since the silver matches my heels. It's small and classy. This prom thing might not be so bad after all.

Carmen and I hit the Visine right before we leave for the school. We're clear eyed and smiling for pictures ten minutes later in the atrium at Forks High.

There are Marilyn Monroe wanna-bes, a southern belle, and some leather chicks doing the Lita Ford thing…it's kinda cool. People seem to be having fun, and it almost feels like a costume party with lots of cute dudes in tuxedos.

Leah and Eric are pretty easy to find thanks to the blue tux. They're standing together admiring the pictures on the back wall. Alice and her friends did a great job. The old prom pics are secured to a black background, angled and spread out. Alice brings Jasper over when she spots us. We ditch the boys long enough to have pictures taken together.

It wouldn't be a time warp without a disco ball, so her gang took care of that too, and the dj is rockin' tunes from every era and genre imaginable. We hit the floor and act stupid. Jasper "air guitars" his way through an entire Bon Jovi song, making me laugh until I cry.

When Alice declares it "line dancing time", I have mercy on Edward, and we sneak outside and over to the parking lot so I can catch a smoke.

Instead of smoking, we end up making out against the Volvo for a few minutes.

The music is loud and we can hear the switch from country to the Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole duet version of "Unforgettable." His kisses slow as he pulls me away from the car, taking my left hand in his right and swaying with me in the darkened corner of the lot. Kissing is awesome. Dancing and kissing in a parking lot during prom is even better.

We go back inside to be with our friends a little longer instead of ditching them to rush to the hotel.

I dance with Jasper once when the dj plays Willie Nelson. Willie is our guy.

Every other dance is with Edward. Billie Holiday, Elvis, The Beach Boys…this dj is killin' it with this mix. But when Zeppelin plays, I lay my head against Edward's chest and really let him hold me as we dance. I think he always will if I let him.

_If the sun refused to shine  
>I would still be loving you<br>When mountains crumble to the sea  
>There would still be you and me<em>

Edward sings the words, calm and sweet, but I can feel his heart pounding against my cheek. This song does the same thing to me. It always has.

It's our song.

Technically, we have our own little soundtrack (thanks to him and that damned mixed tape), but this one – this song is us.

My eyes close because what I really want to remember about this moment is the way it feels. His chest moving as he sings, the way his arm feels around my waist, soap and cinnamon, and I have a lot of homes now, but this one…this one is my favorite.

He doesn't miss a word, and when the song ends, I kiss him because I have to when he does sweet stuff like singing to me at prom.

Carmen pulls us apart as she freaks out over "Push It". It makes me wish I had some roller skates…until Edward decides we should dance to it. Then it makes me wish we could sneak off to a stairwell.

As if.

It gets worse and things get dirtier when that bastard dj follows it with "Purple Rain" (another A side from our soundtrack). Much dirtier.

"God, please don't get pissed at me, but I miss fucking you to this song," he says quietly before kissing the spot just below my ear. My stupid nipples decide to join the party, and every time his chest brushes against mine, it only makes the ache worse.

"We should rectify that immediately," I tell him.

"Tease." His hand wanders down my back to my ass, and he pulls me against him so I can feel exactly how much he misses it.

"I think we should go." I rub my boobs all over him to seal the deal.

Minutes later, we're saying goodbye to our friends on our way out the door, making excuses about getting back to PA so his mom can take pictures. Our hands are locked together, and our steps are quick as we make our way to the Volvo.

The keys don't even make it out of his pocket. This time, I pin him against the car. He lets me get away with it since I kiss him and palm his dick before giving it a little squeeze. When I try to slide down his body to help him out, he catches my elbows, shaking his head. "Not out here. Not where people can see." He doesn't let go of me as he pushes away from the car and turns to unlock the door.

Making out in the Volvo feels like such a kid thing to do, until he puts the _Purple Rain _album in the stereo before sliding his hand up my leg. He tortures me by slipping one finger into the stupid thong I had to wear to prevent panty lines.

"Now who's teasing?" I challenge.

He doesn't disappoint. "When I decide to tease you, you'll know it," he says, somehow being cocky and hot all at the same time. "Fuck, Bella. You're killing me. Take these off so I can touch you the way I want to."

I hike my dress and ditch the satin as quickly as possible. The evil boy sits next to me licking his lips as he watches me do it.

Jesus.

I wish I hadn't promised Esme a visit. It's the only thing keeping me from ditching the dress entirely to get naked in the back seat.

He reaches across my lap and pulls the lever, reclining my seat. Always so thoughtful, especially when it comes to getting me off.

"Is this better?" I ask, catching his hand and putting it exactly where I want it.

I move my own fingers just beneath his, touching myself until he tangles his fingers with mine to help me along. "Fuck." I can feel the word as a breath on my neck and his hand…his perfect fucking hand. He kisses me and doesn't stop when I can barely breathe from how good it feels. His mouth is soft, even when I bite down on his lip as I come.

_Mmmm._ He leans back in his seat with a satisfied little smirk on his hot face.

"It's my turn," I tell him, turning in my seat as I reach out to unzip his pants.

"You don't have to…" He loses his train of thought the moment I make my intentions clear by leaning over and giving him a little kiss on the tip. My lips end up sticky so I look up at him and lick them. I'm trying to make it impossible for him to turn me down.

He's been hesitant to let me do this after what happened at PAH. Of course the one time I tried, I dropped down on my knees, and he flipped the fuck out.

I don't want to push him, but this is something I like doing. There's no reason he should feel bad about liking it too. He didn't do anything wrong.

The lip trick works, and when he cups the back of my neck and nods, I have to give him a warning. "Don't mess up my hair. We still have to take pictures for your mom." It's sucks too, because "Darling Nikki" is playing and that song could make a nun want to get her freak on.

"I'll…try," he says grudgingly.

I've read a ton of blow job advice in Cosmo over the last two years, and I pull out all the big guns, hollowing my cheeks and hitting certain "spots" with my teeth. His left hand is squeezing the steering wheel so tightly, I can hear it, and his right hand is on the back of my neck as he watches.

"Bella," he warns.

He should know by now that I'm not a spitter or a quitter. And since I know he's close, I close my eyes, take a deep breath and swallow. I memorized the deep throat article in the February issue, and a low grumble from his chest is my reward. Once he sees that I'm alright, he tightens his grip on my neck and shifts his hips beneath me before stilling as he finally loses it.

We sit for a few minutes in a quiet post-orgasmic haze until we notice the time and decide it's time to hit the Port. He stops at a service station before we leave Forks, running in long enough to buy a peach Clearly for me and a Coke for himself. I still make him give me piece of Trident before we make it to the Port.

Esme is excited when we finally get to his house. She takes at least a dozen pictures, and I don't mind a bit because his arms are wrapped tightly around me for every single one. We don't stay long because she has a big wedding tomorrow.

The moment we step out of his house, the need takes over, and we can't get to the car fast enough. Balance is a bitch, but we haven't seen each other in a week, and he's wearing a tux.

I'm giving us a pass for the night. Prom turned out to be a very hormonal occasion.

After parking in the lot at the hotel, he carries my backpack over his shoulder and his in his hand. Instead of walking to the front desk to check in, he slips his free arm around my waist and guides me straight to the stairs.

When we reach the top, he turns us to the left and doesn't stop until we've reached room one thirteen. He reaches into the inside pocket of the tux jacket and pulls out a card key.

"When did you have time to check in?" I ask. He'd had a game right after school.

"My last class of the day is PE."

"You skipped?"

"No, I left with permission."

He opens the door, and we walk inside letting it close behind us. The backpacks hit the floor, and his chest hits my back as he slowly pushes me forward, closer to the sofa.

"Your skin has been driving me crazy all night," he says, pulling me against him. "Seeing your back and your neck…even your shoulders are sexy." His lips tickle the skin behind my ear. "You drive me crazy." His words are low and quiet as evil fingers tug slowly, grazing my thighs, pulling my dress up a little at a time. I can hear his sharp intake of breath as he pulls it over my ass. "Bella?" He's begging with his mouth, but his fingers are already on the move.

"Oh God." I'm holding myself up with the couch. His other hand on my back, pushing, and I can't turn around to unzip his pants because he's doing what he's always done – making me come first. "Please," I beg.

"What?" Stubborn, I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. His fingers disappear. "Tell me, Bella." His breath is hot against my ear, and I can hear his zipper. I push back as much as possible. "Tell me what you want." He teases, lining up and pushing in but only giving me the head. His hands move up and over my ass, settling across my lower back with his thumbs touching and his fingers curved around my waist. "Look at that. You're a perfect fit in my hands." Slowly, he moves, pulling me down on him as he stops again. "If you say it…I'll give it to you…anything you want."

"I want…"

He starts to move but NOT the way I want. I'm taut, dying for it, and he's still torturing me with shallow. "Say it." In and back, slow, but not deep…

When I can't take another second, I crack. "I want you to fuck me."

There's no time to be embarrassed. The moment the words leave my lips, he pulls me hard against him. "Fuuuuck. There's my dirty girl."

He might be right. I might be a little dirty…because it makes it so much hotter when he says things like that. It always has. I also might be feeling dirty because of this position. I've never done it like this before.

I like it.

Scratch that. I love it. Slow and teasing is gone as he pushes the dress higher. I know he promised to take it off, but I can take a hint. I have no problem taking my own dress off as long he keeps moving.

It lands somewhere on the floor across the room.

"Do you have any idea how fucking sexy this is? This is what I'm going to think about the next time I have to go days without seeing you. I love it when you wear your hair up." His left hand brushes against my neck, but it's the grip of his right hand on my hip that's driving me crazy. I'm not the kind of chick that likes to be bossed around, but I like it when he takes over like this.

Lovey dovey is great, but a good, hard fucking is awesome too.

I don't remember ever whimpering like an idiot before, but I do now as his left hand slides over my belly, and then he proves he was paying attention when Leah gave the clit lecture.

"Is this good?" His voice is low and teasing, and I want to tell him it's the best fucking thing under the sun, but I hooker-moan instead because I'm almost there. "I'm gonna take that as a yes."

He can take it however he wants because I'm putty beneath him, lost and coming as he groans and pushes through his own to make mine better.

Neither of us can move, and it's okay. I like his cheek on my shoulder and his breath on my skin.

When we finally have no choice, he pulls away slowly.

It's a little weird that I'm totally naked, and he's fully dressed. He grabs a few tissues from the box on the table and hands them to me as he tries not to smile.

"Turn around," I tell him. I will not do a tissue walk in front of him. No fucking way.

"You're being silly." He's teasing and serious, but he turns around like the gentleman he is.

"I'm going to take a shower." I wait until I'm just inside the bathroom door and lean back a little to look at him. "Do you want one?"

He's as still as a statue for about thirty seconds. Then he turns around and starts tugging on his bowtie with one hand and unbuttoning his shirt with the other.

I ditch the tissue, start the shower, and set to work pulling bobby pins from my hair before he finally trips his way into the bathroom. Naked.

It's hard not to feel a little shy under the bright lights in a hotel bathroom, but he makes it easier by stepping up behind me and helping with my hair. When all the pins are out, he checks the water and steps in first.

I wash my hair right away since Carmen sprayed all kinds of shit in it to get it to cooperate for prom.

"This whole night is going to end up being jackin' material," he says with a grin, running his finger through the trails of shampoo bubbles running down my back.

"Stop it," I tell him. He can't talk masturbation while there's shampoo so close to my eyes.

"Touching you?" He shakes his head. "No way. You're naked and wet. There's going to be touching."

The hotel must have a kick ass water heater because touching turns into kissing and a hot round of literally steamy shower sex.

By the time we fall onto the bed, I can barely keep my eyes open.

"This is what it will be like in Florida," he promises. "Just us. No parents to tell us what we can or can't do. No sneaking around for sex. No more worrying that someone might bust us or overhear."

"So, you're looking forward to the easy access, huh?" I am too, and he knows it.

"I'm just glad we'll have more, I don't know…freedom?"

I get what he's trying to say. "I'm glad too."

"I never even asked. I just kind of told you I'm coming to Florida." He's tensing up behind me, and I have no idea why. "I hope you're really okay with it."

Stupid boy.

I turn in his arms and snuggle in close. "How could I not be okay with it?" I kiss his stubble. "On what planet would I turn down you on my beach in swim trunks?" My lips brush his throat as he laughs. "I would have accepted North Carolina. It would have been hard, but I would have done it. I'm so much more than happy about Florida. There isn't a word for it. I hope you'll like it there."

"I'm going to love it there." His fingertips tickle my spine, and I wiggle a little more than I should when we're naked like this, but he doesn't take advantage because we need to get this out. "We are going to love it there."

We.

It should freak me out but it doesn't.

"I want us to always be together." It's the hardest thing I've ever said because he knows I'm not talking about hanging out together twenty four/seven like psychos. I'm telling him something I've never had the guts to say before, not even when I was sixteen. As much as I'd loved him, I'd gone into it believing there would be an expiration date.

I don't want to believe that anymore.

"I know _forever _scares you, Bella, but it's what I want. You're the only girl I'm ever going to want."

"Promise?"

"I swear, and I plan on hanging around and proving it."

He seals it with a kiss, and I believe him. He's the only boy I've ever really wanted, and I don't think anything could change that. I know how he feels. It sucks that we found each other too early and nearly killed this, but he's seen me at my worst, hateful and hurtful, and still, he loves me.

"I swear I'm going to let you."

-o-

**A/N- One more chapter to go, guys. **

**I'll be posting the EPOV outtake from the Fandom4TwifanG comp sometime late next week. It will post separately from TGAG so put me on author alert if you're interested. I'll post a link on Twitter too if you'd rather come and chat there. **

**Thanks so much for reading. **


	31. Chapter 31

**S Meyer owns Twilight. For any new readers, I own **_**Purple Rain **_**on vinyl and was rockin' to it when the stars of Twilight were still in diapers. The last chapter was written and posted before they decided to attend a Prince concert a few days later. It's just an unfortunate coincidence. It was not an attempt to rip off their real lives.**

**Warnings…y'all know these kids by now. **

Chapter 31

_My girlhood among the outlaws was salty, bittersweet  
>The things I did, I could just kick myself now<br>Through nights of lousy dreams  
>As visions gather in my head<br>I find it hard to live with the things I did and said  
>But for you my friend, I'd live it all again<br>And love you in the end_

_Anything for you baby anything for you_  
><em>If it took those years to get me here<em>  
><em>I'd do it again for you<em>

_Took a leap of faith and I stumbled_  
><em>Tried to live outside grace and I was humbled<em>  
><em>But I'd like to bet if I'd lived to fear regret<em>  
><em>Then we never would've met<em>

_Anything for you baby anything for you_  
><em>If it took those years to get me here<em>  
><em>I'd do it again for you<em>

_So here we are and I don't know what we call it_  
><em>'Cause love is such a funny promise<em>  
><em>Commitment is impossible and forever is a lie<em>  
><em>But that still leaves you and I<em>

_Anything for you baby anything for you_  
><em>If it took those years to get me here<em>  
><em>I'd do it again for you<em>

_(My Girlhood Among The Outlaws – Maria McKee)_

_-o-_

The next few weeks are a blur because PAH beat North Kitsap for the Olympic League Championship. They make the trip to Districts, only to lose their last game by one stinking point. Edward is fine with it. He's more than happy to say goodbye to his high school baseball career.

I make the drive to the Port for our first post-season real date. He won't tell me where we're going, but he did tell me not to worry about dressing up. Carlisle is at the hospital. Esme is working a rehearsal dinner. And when he opens the door, I hug him like I haven't seen him in a week because I haven't.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come to your game," I tell him before he even has time to say hello. "You know I love Mr. Berty, but that fucker refused to let me change the dates for my oral presentation. It counted as thirty percent of my final. I wanted to be there."

"I know," he says, still hugging me back like he hasn't seen me in a week either. "Can we stay here tonight? I don't want to share you with anyone."

"General Tso?"

He agrees and we sit in the kitchen, talking and catching up while we wait for it to be delivered.

"Why didn't you tell me my mom pulled a Banks on you?" I ask him.

He's confused for a moment. When he gets it, he shrugs like it really isn't even a big deal. "She apologized and stopped acting like a shrew after Christmas Break last year. I didn't really think about it much after that. She wasn't that bad."

"She didn't do anything shitty like Banks, right?" I don't think my mom would do that, but I want to be sure.

"No. My grades in her class were perfect. She was just rude and condescending at times."

"She shouldn't have acted that way." It bothers me to no end that she did it. Esme has never been nasty to me, even after my best friend hurt her son.

"I made it worse by not kissing her ass."

"But you're okay with her now?"

"Yes." He stands and moves to stand between my legs. "I'm glad _you're_ okay with her now. Things are different with you and your mom, and I'm so fuckin' glad because I love it when you smile so please don't be mad at her over it."

I let him get away with saying stuff like that because I love it when he smiles too, no matter the reason. As a reward for being so sweet and cheesy, I give him a few little neck kisses, but the doorbell rings before anything fun can happen.

He picks up the conversation as we eat at the bar in the kitchen. "Are you and your mom going anywhere this summer?"

"No." I don't mean to shake my head when I answer. It just happens...like some kind of auto sad. "Not this year. She doesn't want to leave Grandpa while he's still…" Fuck. This stuff is hard to talk about. "Before things get bad. She's been freaking out lately. We read these books, and she's scared. She and Phil are going to take him to Florida in July, and they invited me to go too, but I can't. I can't go to New York for two weeks, come home only to leave Charlie for a month, come home for a couple of weeks, and then leave him again. I can't. And what about us?" I don't give him time to answer. "Thirteen days was hard, Edward. I don't want to do a month. Plus I promised Mike a visit, and I want to spend time with Leah and Carmen - "

"Bella," he interrupts, reaching over and running his fingers up my neck and into my hair. "Breathe."

I swallow. Rambling isn't good. Nothing good ever comes from rambling. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I don't want to do a month either. Maybe you could spend a week with them in Florida instead of a month? We can handle seven days. Then you'd still have plenty of time to spend here. If you want, you can hitch a ride with me to Seattle and spend a weekend with Mike. I'll stay with my grandparents since I promised them a visit this summer before we move."

I'm glad he has enough common sense for both of us.

"That sounds reasonable. All of it. I don't know why I'm freaking out about all of this weird dumb shit."

"We'll sit down with a calendar and figure it out later. Please don't worry. This is supposed to be fun. We're graduating, going to New York -"

"Moving to Florida," I add.

"Exactly. Everything is crazy right now, and it's probably going to get crazier as the days go by, but we'll work it all out. I promise."

Instead of rushing up to his room, we stretch out on the sofa and watch _The Wizard of Oz. _His fingers are tucked under my shirt, tickling the skin beneath my navel, and we're so close, I can feel every breath he takes.

When the movie is over, he lets his lips touch as my ear as he whispers, "Can I take you upstairs now?"

I don't make him ask twice.

Renee is thrilled the next day when I ask if I can come to Florida for a week while they're there. Phil promises to take care of the arrangements as soon as I give him dates.

Edward keeps his word, and we spend our afternoon with a calendar, working out New York, Florida, Seattle, and our move. We both want to be settled before school starts, so we agree on August the first as our moving date. He circles the calendar block several times with a red Sharpie.

We tell Renee and Phil our plans, and they mark their own planners. I call Charlie from the kitchen phone and give him the dates to make sure nothing conflicts with him. He's good. The same routine follows during an after-dinner visit with Edward's parents.

Carlisle doesn't want Edward to drive across the country and be exhausted when we finally get to Florida. We listen as he proposes hiring a moving company to take our stuff down, including the Volvo.

Flying would mean more salt and sand for us before school starts. Extra time equals extra lovin'.

I agree on the condition that my family pays my part of the moving expenses.

With all of that settled, Edward and I reward ourselves with a show at The Hole. Charlotte is fronting a new band. I say fronting, but really she's singing with a guy, harmonizing grunge with folk and playing guitar to boot.

The girl rocks. Her band rocks too, but she has some serious talent.

Peter seems to agree. His band mates get stuck doing the set change because Peter is busy mackin' on Charlotte after I introduce them. When his buddies finally drag him away, I get a chance to talk to her.

"You guys are great," I tell her.

"Thanks," she answers, glancing at my hand in Edward's between us. "So you finally got your shit straight?"

"We're good," I tell her.

"That's cool."

We talk about old friends for a while and catch up on other stuff until the lights lower again as Peter steps up to the mic. He watches Charlotte's every move as she dances next to me, and I'm thinking they'll be "collaborating" by the end of the night because she's giving him quite the show.

They could have cute little rocker babies together. Or not. Whatever.

Edward and I spend Sunday studying, getting ready for finals, and quizzing each other. I could fail every one of my tests and still graduate, but why ruin a good thing? Studying with him is fun. It's more playing than studying, and that's ALWAYS fun.

I don't see him at all the week of finals. Seniors take exams two and a half weeks before the rest of the school. It's also the week the yearbooks come in, so I'm stuck after school two days in row, counting books for each home room and getting everything ready for delivery day.

Exams are a joke and I wonder if our teachers decided to go easy on us as a farewell gift.

When I'm done with my last test, I leave for the Port.

My parents let me come and go as I please and have for awhile now. The custody agreement has been out the window for months. When I want to stay with Renee and Phil, I stay with them. Charlie is cool with it as long as I call or leave a note.

Edward and I spend a relaxed weekend dividing our time between his house and mine, staying up late, and sleeping even later. We literally have nothing to do.

It's wonderful.

Phil gives me the tickets to Jacksonville before I leave for Forks Sunday night. I have to roll my eyes after I thank him.

First class.

Rich people spend money on the dumbest things. I fall asleep every time I fly, usually during takeoff. He'd spent a lot of dough on a seat I'm going to use for nap time.

The girls and I sleep over at Alice's house two nights in a row. I miss Edward, and it's tough being away from him, but Alice's dad and her family are arriving on Wednesday, so we're trying to spend some time together. She'll be leaving with them the day after graduation.

I still can't believe that I won't see her again until Christmas. It's so hard to imagine.

Edward comes to Forks Wednesday and Thursday so I can have some time with Charlie before graduation.

I spend most of Friday in Edward's bed. It's his graduation day, and his parents are in Port Townsend collecting his mom's parents. His dad's parents won't be here until around four. I try not to freak out because I'm meeting his grandparents today. All of them. When I think about it, I get stage frighty so Edward keeps me naked and distracted.

We shower and get dressed together, and it makes me feel the same crazy way it did the morning after prom. Good crazy. I like watching him get dressed almost as much as I like watching him undress. I never thought I'd say that.

But it's true. Watching him button his dress shirt makes me want to jump him, even though I've already had my wicked way with him twice today, and I almost lose my cool when he slides his watch onto his wrist.

I wear a nice black dress that Renee had helped me pick out at the vintage shop. It's retro and grandparent friendly. But it's still a dress, which means Edward is constantly getting his hand smacked for groping.

There is no way in hell I am going to get caught, bent over and getting nailed, as his grandparents walk in the door. For the first time ever, I just say no. He sulks until I promise to make it up to him after graduation.

His grandparents are nice. All of them. Esme's dad looks like a chunky, gray-haired Emmett. It's a little creepy, but he wins me over by telling me stories about a sneaky young Edward.

We ride alone in the Volvo, and I'm nervous. Everyone shows up for graduations. Everyone. It's Edward's graduation day, but for me this feels more like an unhappy reunion.

"Talk to me," he says when the silence stretches too long.

"Promise me something. No fights. No matter who comes or what's said…no fights."

"Bella - "

I can already tell he's going to argue so I nip it. "An arrest would probably mess up your scholarship, right?"

Damn his jaw when he's mad. It's very distracting, and I need to focus. Some of last year's class might be at his graduation. I know several of my old classmates are planning to attend Forks' graduation tomorrow. I don't want him to fight with Ben anymore.

"Yes," he admits.

"So, we're good then? We agree to ignore any assholes."

"I guess."

It isn't a promise, but I have to trust him to do the right thing and not blow Florida by losing his temper.

He hugs me the minute we're out of the car and quietly gives me his word that he will behave, no matter what. He also tells me he loves me and promises that this is the last time either of us will ever have to step foot in this hellhole.

Those are nice words.

Stubborn Edward takes over, and he refuses to leave me until Elliot and Carmen or his family show up. It's sweet and annoying, and I hate that he's late because of me, but I get it. My mom is working back stage, organizing, and she'll go easy on him. The moment he sees Carlisle's car, he leans over for a quick kiss and rushes off.

Elliot and Carmen sit with us and so do Emmett's parents. Felix shows up with a couple of minutes to spare. He and I catch up as we watch the graduates file into the room. Edward smiles and winks after spotting me in the crowd.

Never thought a graduation gown would be a turn on. Damn.

He's so handsome and hot and mine.

Angela is the valedictorian, which means I would have been if I'd stayed here. No fucking thank you. Her speech is lame…a journey of faith, change, blah blah blah...

I don't clap when she's finished.

I do cheer my ass off when Mr. Greene calls Edward's name and hands him his diploma. He walks across the stage looking fuckhot and smart, and I'm so proud and horny it's ridiculous. I should be ashamed of myself, sitting in front of his grandmothers and entertaining the thoughts in my head, but I'm not. I'm only sorry we don't get to keep the gowns.

Rosalie is pristine as she walks across the stage, and Edward's family claps for her and Emmett as he goofs his way across the stage laughing and pointing at different people in the crowd. Heidi shares her best beauty pageant wave with us.

My ass is completely asleep and Edward looks bored to tears by the time it finally ends. He moves so fast when it's over, I'm in his arms before I can get down the bleachers.

"Congratulations," I tell him. "I'm so jealous that you're done."

"One more day," he answers, stepping back to unzip his robe.

I share him with his family because I have to, but they're nice enough to return the favor by making sure I never feel left out. We agree to meet them at Edward's house for dinner. I walk with him to Phil's office to turn in his robe and pick up his real diploma, and on our way we bump into Irina. Literally. Stupid crowd.

I hate the way my hand squeezes Edward's harder at the sight of her, but I guess it's better than letting go. He rubs his thumb over my knuckles, reminding me that she's just a selfish, irrelevant bitch. I spare her one _drop dead _look and keep walking.

My mom hands Edward an envelope after she and Phil congratulate him. It's a graduation card and roundtrip, first class tickets to Jacksonville for the same week I'm going to visit.

It's a silent invitation, and he accepts by thanking and hugging them both.

"He can stay with us, right?" I just want to make sure we're on the same page here. If not, I'm going back to see the travel agent tomorrow to book a hotel in St. Augustine. The Hilton is nice.

"Yes, Bella. He can have the other guest room on the second floor." I narrow my eyes at my mother. "Your grandfather will be in the one downstairs close to us, and he's a little old fashioned." She smiles and I hear what she's not saying. The separate bedroom thing is a cover for Grandpa. Cool.

There are several kids waiting to return rentals and a line is forming outside Phil's office, so we say our goodbyes and get out of the way.

I tense when we reach the parking lot. Ben is standing a few parking spaces over from the Volvo, talking to Aaron and a few other guys that graduated last year. Edward glues himself to my side, wrapping his arm around my waist, keeping his body between mine and theirs. Thankfully, Ben keeps his trap shut for a change. He doesn't even acknowledge us as we walk by.

Good riddance.

Edward backs out of the parking spot quietly, keeping his eye on the rear view mirror and stopping just shy of running Ben over. I tease him, reminding him that college sounds better than prison. He shifts into first and neither of us looks back again.

Bustling around Esme's kitchen with her and Edward's grandmas is weird and normal, and I love it. They all smack Emmett's hand each time he tries to sample the food we're warming, and I have to smack Edward's when he follows me into the pantry and gets a little touchy feely. I want his hands on me, but not with his mom around the corner.

We sit next to each other during dinner, and he flirts with me constantly even though he doesn't need to. I'm so far gone…it's pathetic. And wonderful.

Carlisle leaves to take Esme's parents home, but she stays to clean the kitchen and Edward's other grands are staying the night. No sexin' at casa de Cullen tonight. Dammit.

Edward and I help with clean up until Esme kicks us out, saying there must be a graduation party somewhere. I love her.

Sam is hosting for the ball team graduates. It's my first time visiting since the Riley thing went down, and it's a little weird at first, but Sam and Emily are awesome like always. And, oh my GOD, I'm so happy to see Medusa, I almost cry. Getting stoned sounds better, so I do that instead.

Good weed, good music, and good company…it's a good night.

The only exception is Rosalie, but I manage to keep my promise. I'm polite without being friendly. I had never promised friendly.

We spend most of our night hanging with Carmen and Elliot in the grass. I even meet that Bree chick. Thankfully, she doesn't hang around long.

He comes in when he brings me home, and we sneak quietly into my bedroom around one in the morning. The closest person is Grandpa, but he's all the way down the hall and sleeps with his television on.

Edward pulls my dress off this time, touching every inch of skin along the way. Unbuttoning his shirt takes forever, and earlier today, the plain white t-shirt underneath had been sexy, but now…it's just in the way. Like his pants. So I get rid of those too.

He loves me sweet with his mouth and his hand, taking his time, making it good. Then he fucks me until I have to bury my face in my pillow to keep from waking everyone in the house.

We fall asleep – tangled, naked, and sticky. Around three, he wakes me up to say goodbye and this one is hard because I wish he could stay.

"Soon," he whispers. Or maybe I'm dreaming.

I oversleep the next morning, but it doesn't matter because I'm unemployed and out of school.

_Hell yes._

A shower seems like the best place to start, considering last night's activities. Then I nab a couple of blueberry muffins from the kitchen and sit with Grandpa and Mom on the porch as I eat. She wishes me good luck as she walks me to my truck awhile later. I need to get back to Forks to get ready for graduation.

Charlie wakes up in time for a shower, and while he's getting ready, I put on a Mike-approved dress, a touch of make-up, and combat boots. I don't bother with my hair since we have to wear those stupid caps. Down and straight is the only way to go.

Jasper and Alice pick me up on their way to the school, and Charlie reminds me to smile and not puke when my name is called as I open the door of the Impala. He thinks he's being funny, but the puking thing could totally happen. This crowd is going to beat the one at my mom's wedding.

Dammit. The lot is almost full and the parents haven't even shown up yet. Neither has my boyfriend, but I'm not worried. I know he'll be here.

We sit around in the auditorium, listening to tunes on Garrett's boombox as we don our robes. Carmen pins our hats in place, and then her own, combing her fingers through her rainbow hair moments before Mr. Berty tells us to line up.

Walking across campus in a single-file line is surreal. In a way, it feels like elementary school. Only this time, they're lining us up to kick us out. Berty's fine ass leads the way to the gym, and he holds the door as Mr. Mason takes over directing us to the rows of empty chairs facing the stage.

I don't look up. I stare at the back of Leah's head, focusing on not falling and not heaving. Throwing up in front of Edward once had been bad enough. No way am I doing that again.

Being a nerd has advantages. The top ten percent are being recognized in order so I have a front row seat and a short walk. Leah spots Edward and Emmett right away and points them out so I won't have to search the crowd. Seeing Edward surrounded by MY family might be my favorite part of this whole silly thing.

Once we're all seated, Mr. Mason steps up to the podium. He welcomes everyone, makes a few general announcements, and then introduces Leah as our Salutatorian.

She makes her way onto the stage, greets the crowd, and then begins her speech.

"When I showed up at Forks, it was hard being the new girl. Most of you had known each other since birth, and well, I'm different. At least that's what I'd been told at my old school." She pauses, glancing up from her cards and eying the crowd.

"I won't lie. I was petrified," she continues. "The very first day, I tried to hide on the playground during recess because I didn't want to be left out. I crawled under that old, wooden picnic table and sat on the ground with my arms wrapped around my knees, wishing I was brave enough to play. I heard a loud banging noise and moments later, three little heads appeared upside down, hanging over the edge of the table above me. It scared me to death."

The crowd laughs a little as she pauses, but my eyes are already watering. I glance back at Alice and see she's having the same problem. Her cheeks are flushed.

This is about to turn into a snot fest. I can already tell.

Crap.

"Three to one aren't great odds. I remember thinking they were going to beat me up or call me names, but instead, one of them smiled and said, 'We've been waiting for you.'" Yep. I'm bawling like a fucking baby in a gym full of people. "That scared me even more." More laughter for everyone else, but I can't see the stage I'm crying so hard.

Damn her.

"I thought about trying to escape, but they were coming at me from every direction. I was surrounded by three strange little girls. I had no idea at the time how true that would turn out to be." More laughter. "Instead of beating me up, one of them braided my hair into pigtails to match theirs as another explained the mathematical benefits of even numbered friendships. We tied clover necklaces, and when we played Star Wars, they let me be Princess Leia."

The crowd "awws" and Leah laughs. "They didn't tell me until the next day that we had to take turns. I'm a terrible Yoda." It's true. She is. "Alice is the best Yoda." The whole senior class laughs because that's true too. A few people even clap. Alice still does it as a party trick every now and then for fun, but only when she's really messed up. "Anyway, the point is they never made me feel special or different. They treated me the same way they treated each other. I don't remember who started calling us 'The Pack'-"

"It was McCarty," Lee shouts from a few rows back.

I glance up, locking gazes with Em and shaking my head a little at his shit eating grin. Like he needs something else to be arrogant about. _Great._

"Thanks, Emmett," Leah says into the mic, glancing at him. "It's a great name." She turns back to face us. "Three girls showed me kindness, acceptance, and love. They are my family. They are my pack. If you don't have friends you would die for, I feel sorry for you. Find your _pack. _Hold on to the people you love. Love them so much, you hurt when they hurt and their happiness is your own. We make our own families."

Half the senior class is crying now, and as much as I want to kick Leah's ass for making me look like a wimp, she's right. I've seen it. I know damn well how blessed I am.

Leah goes on for another minute or so, thanking her mother, our class, and the faculty. Her last words make me smile so hard, my cheeks hurt.

"I'm going to leave you with a few words from Mr. Bob Dylan:

_May your hands always be busy  
>May your feet always be swift<br>May you have a strong foundation  
>When the winds of changes shift<br>May your heart always be joyful  
>May your song always be sung<br>And may you stay forever young…_"

She quotes the words like a poem, almost singing them, but not. The applause lasts long after she walks away from the podium and back to her seat next to mine. I bitchface her and then hug her as the valedictorian, Katie Osbourne, uses the few extra moments of residual cheering to gather her notes.

Her speech is good, but it isn't personal at all. It's kind of arrogant to tell you the truth. This girl really likes herself. When she's finally done telling us about all of her accomplishments and wishing us well in our future "endeavors," she walks away and everyone claps because we're all so happy she's finished.

Mr. Mason walks over to the podium, opens a file folder, and pulls out a large stack of papers.

We line up when we're told to, and we walk across the stage one by one the same way we did during rehearsals last week. Only this time, it's all so real because we're wearing these ugly-ass mustard colored robes.

"Isabella Marie Swan."

I try not to cringe over my real name and force a smile before I walk across the stage. Charlie and Renee had both acted like pains in the ass over the name thing so I caved. It's their moment as much as it is mine I guess.

The moment I have my diploma in hand, I start laughing. THIS is all I get? All that bullshit for one moment on stage with a rolled up blank piece of paper?

It isn't a total waste though, because when I look up at my cheering section, Edward has a smile on his lips and a question in his eyes. He wants to know why I'm laughing. It's going to be embarrassing when I have to admit that I'm laughing because prom turned out to be so much more awesome than graduation. I'm officially a prom dork.

This year, it's Lee and Eric spraying everyone in sight with silly string. Leah and I find the girls first, and Jasper squeezes in between Alice and me to get in on our group hug.

We split up after congratulating each other because we all need to find our families.

It takes forever to push through the crowd, and when I do reach them, I almost can't believe how many people are here for me. My parents, Phil, Edward's parents, Emmett, the entire Black family, my grandpa…it's kind of amazing.

I end up in Edward's arms first because he looks so damn happy and proud of me I can't help it. We don't kiss or act disgusting. We just hold each other for a moment and let it sink in. We're done. We made it through high school.

Thank fuck.

Then I'm passed from person to person until I end up in front of my dad.

"Here," he says, holding out an envelope with a Paper Kisses emblem on it.

"What is this?"

"Just open it," Mom says.

It's a card, a generic graduation card like the one my mom and Phil gave Edward last night, and I don't get the fuss. Until I open it. There's a picture of a white convertible BMW sitting in the driveway of the house in St. Augustine. They even had someone put a big red bow on it.

This feels like a damn commercial, but their names are all there in ink: Grandpa, Mom, Phil, and Dad. It's from all of them. Realistically, my truck wouldn't have survived the drive from Washington to Florida. I would have been happy with another rustic piece of junk, but I'm not going to be the dumbass that complains about a Beamer.

When I look up, my dad tosses a set of keys in the air, and Edward catches it for me.

"Thank you," I tell them. "It's a little much but thank you."

"You only graduate from high school once." Charlie and his milestones.

"Thank God," I agree. Seriously.

_I'm so glad this shit is over_.

Grandpa is edgy and nervous, and Mom isn't sure if it's the crowd or an _off _day. Sometimes he gets confused, and it frustrates him. She apologizes over and over for not being able to come with us to The Lodge for dinner, but she really wants to get him home.

"Mom, it's not a big deal. We'll have dinner together tomorrow night. I'll come to the Port." I don't know why she's upset. She saw the diploma part. That's the part that matters. "Thanks for the car." I look at my mom first, grandpa then Phil. "I love you guys."

"We love you too," Phil answers as he holds the door open for my mom and grandfather. He follows them with a little wave goodbye.

Emmett takes off next. He has plans with Rosalie for tonight. It's cool. It's not like Edward and I are moving away in a couple of months or anything.

The rest of us leave soon after.

Edward's parents beat us to The Lodge. Jake parks a few spaces away, and Edward helps with Billy while Esme and Carlisle fall in love with Hannah. Charlie, Jeanette, Alice, and Jasper show up next and we all walk in together.

The manager pushes several tables together in an effort to seat us. He waves when he's finished, beckoning our group.

"Ed." Hannah grabs Edward's hand, pulling him with her to the table and pointing to a chair before climbing onto the one next to it.

I never imagined I could be okay with another girl crushing on Edward. I have to admit it's kinda cute since she's only two.

Jake doesn't think his daughter's crush on my boyfriend is cute at all.

"Karma is a bitch, dude," I whisper to him as we approach the table. Having a boy crazy daughter would fall right in line with his luck. Poor bastard.

He tugs the end of my hair like we're nine before putting on his "daddy" face and sitting in the empty chair on the other side of Hannah's.

She tries to share her food with Edward, and he tries to politely decline, but there is no turning down a two year old. She spoons it onto a napkin for him. Watching him thank her with a smile every time is a karate kick to the ovaries.

Charlie and Carlisle split the bill, and I keep quiet. I've learned to just let men do _man _things when they need to. Carlisle is as nice as my dad is stubborn, so arguing would be pointless.

Our parents leave as I take my time with Hannah in the parking lot, holding her hand so she can keep her balance as she toes her way across a parking block. She agreed to let Edward out of her sight long enough for him to help Jake.

When she reaches the end, she releases my hand and jumps to the pavement. The car door slamming behind me means Billy is in the car and ready to go.

I scoop Hannah off of her feet and into my arms, hugging her with both arms and every bit of my heart. "Take care of your daddy, kid. You're a lucky little girl."

She drools and tries to stick her finger in my mouth, giggling as I carry her over to Jake. He and Edward are leaning against the back of the Rabbit, caught up in conversation. Edward leans over for a quick kiss, but Hannah pushes his face away with her hand.

"Yucky," she chides.

We all laugh because it's cute, and she makes people stupid. The girl has no idea how wrong she is. Edward's kisses are anything but yucky.

Jake buckles her into her car seat, and she yells, "Bye, Ed," at least five times. She only tells me goodbye once. It stings, but she's too young for a "chicks before dicks" talk. Edward grins, Jake grimaces, and I giggle a little because it's funny.

"I'll wait for you in the car," Edward says quietly. He shakes hands with Jake, and they go through the half-hug shoulder clap thing that guys do. It's a Kodak moment if ever I've seen one, but I'll have to keep this picture in my mind.

He leaves me with Jake without a backwards glance, and it means the world to me that he trusts me and knows my heart.

"Is this the part where I tell you to go out and knock 'em dead?" Jake jokes.

"I don't know. I don't want this to feel like some kind of goodbye, but I guess it is."

"You're going to be fine."

"It's not me I'm worried about," I tell him, trying not to get choked up. "Can you check in on Charlie for me every now and then? Even if it's through Billy. I know how busy you are - "

"You don't have to ask." He cuts me off. Not in a mean way, but he gets his point across. "I already told _him_…" he pauses, nodding in the direction of the Volvo. "…that if he dicks you around again, I'll be paying you a visit in Florida."

"Not you too, Jake." I'm beginning to wonder if I have any friends that HAVEN'T threatened Edward.

He shrugs. "Whatever. He and I are cool as long as he's good to you."

"He is. He really is."

"I know. I don't ever want to see you like that again. This is much better."

"Thank you, Jake. For everything. For showing me the ropes…" He taught me how to swim, play cards, throw a football, shoot pool, and yeah…he was my first for several things. I step forward and hug him because I could have done much worse than Jake.

He lifts me off the ground in a bear hug, squeezing the life out of me the same way he did when he was eighteen. "Thank _you_ for not hating me."

"Never."

He puts me down and steps back, shoving both hands in his pockets. "I want you to rock the college thing."

"Will do. Don't let Hannah forget me."

"Are you kidding? She keeps the picture of you holding her on Christmas in a frame and carries it all over the house chanting, 'B.' She likes you more than she likes me."

"She likes Edward better than both of us."

"Don't remind me," he groans, peeking into the back seat to check on her. "She looks tired. I need to go." He pauses with his hand on the door handle. "Knock 'em dead."

He just couldn't resist. "Go home, jackass."

And just like that…he's gone too.

"You okay?" Edward asks quietly as he starts the car. Everything in his voice is sincere. This is my best friend talking.

I almost tell him I'm fine, but I know he hates that word. I don't blame him.

"It was just strange, you know?" I shake my head a little, trying to pick the right words. "He's like this weird little part of me I can't shake."

"He loves you." He says it like it's just something that is. Because it is.

"I love him too." Even if I didn't say it out loud, it would still be true. And hearing it doesn't hurt Edward one bit because he knows I love Jake the way Jake loves me – as a friend. "Without him there wouldn't be Hannah," I joke.

"She is the sweetest kid," he agrees. "So fucking cute."

"I told you she makes people dumb."

He agrees as we park in front of Alice's house.

Peter provided a keg, and Alice's dad gave her two hundred dollars for party food. She spent some of it on weed, fattening her stash before she boards the plane tomorrow, but there's plenty of stuff to eat. Pizza, Doritos, the ingredients for S'mores. Salty…sweet…she's got it covered.

We goof around for hours listening to Tyler pick tunes, singing along or wandering off to chat or smoke. No one is in a hurry. Everyone has a Solo in hand. Even Edward, though he limits himself since he's my DD. He's going to park around the corner from my house and spend the night here in Forks with me. Charlie won't be home until sometime around nine tomorrow morning. During dinner, I had overheard him make breakfast plans with Jeanette which added another hour for us.

Man, I can't wait until Florida.

I lean over and kiss his cheek just because. He looks away from Jasper long enough to give me a smile and a kiss, and I peel my body away from his as Jasper continues his story.

Alice stands and walks over to me, holds out both of her hands, and pulls me to my feet. "One more time before I hit the road tomorrow?" She nods over her shoulder at our patch of grass. I motion for Leah and Carmen, and we leave the boys by the fire, threatening to neuter them if they eat all the chocolate and leave us with the shitty graham crackers.

Since I rolled it, I light it.

I've lost count of how many times we've kicked it like this – on our backs with clouds and occasional stars above us. One more time has turned into one last time. We all know that's what this is.

"You know I love you, right?" Carmen asks after her second hit. "Every fucking one of you. We have to stay in touch, guys. I'm prepared to send postcards and chain letters and shit if you bitches don't pick up the phone."

We make tentative plans to set up bi-weekly phone calls. We've been masters of the three-way calling game since we were in elementary school. By calling each other on three-way, we can all be on the line at the same time.

None of us have solid schedules of what our lives will be like in three months, but we promise to find at least an hour every two weeks. And talking about this shit makes every one of us teary and choked up until we roll around hugging each other like morons. I refuse to say goodbye to these bitches.

It takes a while, but we get our shit together and rejoin the party. Edward motions for me to sit in front of him. After I do, he scoots forward until we're touching. It's the best way to be. When the bong comes around, he takes a couple of hits. Baseball season is over. School is over. We made it. If he wants to celebrate by getting stoned…I'm down with that.

It's well past midnight when we decide to leave for a more private celebration. Other kids have wandered home over the last hour, and now there are only a few of us left anyway.

I tell Alice I love her, and we hug until I think my ribs might break. Or my heart. We make our own set of promises to each other, and I let Edward pull me away slowly because I'll never be able to get out of here on my own.

"Are you ready?" he asks as I trail behind him walking backwards so I can see my friends.

Jasper leans over and kisses Alice's temple, and she playfully snaps at his chin with her teeth.

Tyler and Leah sing "Forever Young" as he picks it on the guitar.

Carmen giggles, feeding Elliot a Hershey bar.

I stop. Just for a minute.

I just want one more moment.

Edward is right. Time…distance...when it comes to love, those things don't matter. His hand in mine is proof of that. It will be the same with the girls. I know it.

"Bella?" He's worried and frowning when I finally turn around. I kiss his chin, then his cheek until he smiles and wraps his arms around me.

"Yeah. I am."

-o-

**A/N- That's it, folks. They made it. **

**A little over a year ago, I showed my sister two character lists, two timelines, and an outline. She asked me if I was f'n crazy (two years?) and if I planned to use every single SM character in this damn thing. Lol. **

**M, I didn't use them all. You're my bestest friend and a perfect sister. Thanks for every single thing. I love you more than bacon and chocolate. **

**Maxipoo1024 – Thank you for offering to beta for me. You've been awesome, patient, and fun to work with. **

**I don't really know what to say here, except thank you. Thank you for not flouncing. For sticking around even when you wanted to beat both of them. For caring about the secondary characters and mentioning them in your reviews. For liking Riley when you didn't want to. And most of all, thank you for giving Bella and Edward a chance to grow up. **

**Thank you for every rec, tweeting updates, the reviews at IndieFicPimp and PPSS, the nominations at TLS…you guys just rock. **

**In case you missed it, the EPOV of chapter 19 is now posted under a separate story called "The B Sides." There will be at least one more EPOV. My sis and Nic asked for the night Edward finds out about Ben and Royce. So yeah…EPOV of fight night. **

**There will likely be a college future-take for this story. If you're happy with this being the end for them, don't open any future alerts. I'm not going to promise a time frame on it because I need to step away from these two for a while. I love them, but I need to write some comedy. **

**Speaking of comedy…BellaFlan and I are donating a collab for FandomFightsSandy. She wanted more 90s and more grunge but this one will be funny. Not an angst fest, I swear! If you've ever read her work, you know she's a funny girl.**

**She also sweet talked me into hosting a 90s fic contest! ****It's called "Smells Like Metallic Roses 90s TwiFic Contest." You can find the contest page on my favorite authors list. We have an awesome set of judges: Maxipoo1024, Mariahajile, o_Oza, Kassiah, and BellaFlan. Follow contest info on Twitter at: SLMR90sTwiFic and please write for us. You know you want to. **

**A couple of people asked for the playlist. It's below this note if you're interested. Some of the music made it into the story. Some of it didn't. But I listened to all of it. **

**I've never, ever begged for reviews, but if you have a couple of minutes, please leave a review this time. I'd love to know your thoughts about the story. I know I made some of you cry, and I'm sorry for that. I hope you think it was worth it. **

**Thanks for reading, guys. **

**-MSC**

Soundtrack

Chapter 1- "Hole In My Life" – The Police

Chapter 2- "Release" – Pearl Jam

Chapter 3- "You Don't Know How It Feels" – Tom Petty

"Red Rain" & "Sledgehammer" – Peter Gabriel

Chapter 4- "Little 15" – Depeche Mode

Chapter 5- "Add It Up" – Violent Femmes

Chapter 6- "You Are the Everything" – R.E.M.

Chapter 7- "Your Sweet Voice" – Matthew Sweet

Chapter 8- "These Are the Days" – 10,000 Maniacs

Chapter 9- "Nothing Else Matters" – Metallica

Chapter 10- "All Night Thing" – Temple Of The Dog

"Brass Monkey" – Beastie Boys

Chapter 11- "Never Tear Us Apart" – INXS

Chapter 12- "Friends" – Led Zeppelin

"Gangsta Gangsta" – N.W.A.

Chapter 13- "I Want Your (Hands On Me)" – Sinead O'Connor

"Groove Is In The Heart" – Deee- Lite

Chapter 14- "I'm On Your Side" – Divinyls

Chapter 15- "I've Been Let Down" – Mazzy Star

"The End" – The Doors

Chapter 16- "To Wish Impossible Things" – The Cure

"Shadow On the Wall" – Brandi Carlile

Chapter 17- "Linger" – The Cranberries

"Why" – Annie Lenox

"Amelia" – Joni Mitchell

Chapter 18- "Pepper" – Butthole Surfers

"The Ballad of Jayne" – L.A. Guns

"Junkhead" – Alice In Chains

"Body Count" – Body Count

Chapter 19- "To Miss Someone" – Maria McKee

Chapter 20- "Stwisted" – Edie Brickell

Chapter 21- "Something I Can Never Have" – Nine Inch Nails

"Everybody Hurts" – R.E.M.

Chapter 22- "Dreaming My Dreams With You" – Cowboy Junkies

Chapter 23- "Love To Be Loved" – Peter Gabriel

Chapter 24- "No Ordinary Love" – Sade

"Last Dance" – The Cure

"Hey, That's No Way to Say Goodbye" – Roberta Flack

Chapter 25- "Something More Besides You" – Cowboy Junkies

Chapter 26- "I May Know The Word" – Natalie Merchant

Chapter 27- "A Kiss To Build A Dream On" – Louis Armstrong

Chapter 28- "I Shall Believe" – Sheryl Crow

"Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye" – The Black Crowes

"Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've) – Buzzcocks

Chapter 29- "Amazing" – Aerosmith

"Runnin' Down A Dream" – Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

Chapter 30- "Thank You" – Led Zeppelin

"Unforgettable" – Natalie Cole (and Nat King Cole)

"Darling Nikki" – Prince

Chapter 31- "My Girlhood Among the Outlaws" – Maria McKee

"Forever Young" – Bob Dylan


	32. Epilogue

**S Meyer owns Twilight. I…er…my kids own a new foosball table. Yeah, it's for the kids. Mmmmhmm. Sure it is. **

**I'd planned to wait about a month to write this, but then I went to see Eddie Vedder in concert the night before Thanksgiving. Blame him. I do. He opened with a Pink Floyd song, sang my very favorite Elvis song, and closed with The Mamas & The Papas. He also played the song that sparked a discussion (with MrSC) that sparked this fic. To top it off, the opening act was Glen Hansard. Some of you may know him from The Swell Season, but he was also in **_**The Commitments **_**– the movie Bella and the girls go to see in Chapter Two. **

**I know a sign when I see one. So, here we go. One last time with Bella. I'm going to drop you right into her life the same way I did in Chapter One and catch you up along the way. **

**M, I love you. You know this. Thank you for pre-reading. **

**Iris, thanks for pre-reading and helping me out at the last minute. **

**Maxipoo1024 is my awesome beta. She agreed to help me out with this during the busy holiday season, and I can't thank her enough. **

**Any mistakes left are mine.**

**We left them in May of 1994….**

_I'll shine when you shine  
>Faded pictures on my mind<br>Sun sets on this ocean  
>Never once on my devotion<em>

_How ever you are_  
><em>Or far that you fall<em>

_I'll keep on healing all the scars_  
><em>That we've collected from the start<em>  
><em>I'd rather this than live without you<em>  
><em>For every wish upon a star<em>  
><em>That goes unanswered in the dark<em>  
><em>There is a dream I've dreamt about you<em>

_(Without You – Eddie Vedder)_

_~o~_

**November 28, 1996- Junior Year of College**

Cold sheets.

There is nothing worse than waking up to cold sheets. By now, I should be used to it. Saturdays and Sundays are the only warm mornings. Warm mostly because Edward doesn't believe in personal space between the sheets.

I'm tempted to burrow under the quilt and fight my way back to sleep, but a glance at the clock has me up and on my feet.

_If I hurry, I can catch him. _

Always the creepy stalker, I rush down the stairs and through the kitchen, only stopping long enough to throw a hoodie on over my t-shirt and grab a can of Coke from the fridge and a blanket on my way out the door. The sand is chilly this morning, and I really should have stopped to put shoes on, but the truth is I'd rather lose a toe to hypothermia than miss the view.

I spread the blanket quickly in my favorite spot. Once I'm settled, I crack open the can of Coke and pop a piece of Trident before glancing to my left.

He's still about a half mile down the beach, so I comb my fingers through my hair. I may have huffed and puffed my way down to the beach to catch him in action, but he doesn't need to know that. As he gets closer, I end up even more bent out of shape.

White hoodies and baseball caps do funny things to me. It doesn't hurt that he's still wearing shorts even though the mornings are cool now. Calves and Nikes do funny things to me too. He slows as he gets closer, and I have to shield my eyes since the sun is bright.

"You're up early," he says as he stops at the edge of my blanket.

I shrug like I've been up for ages instead of five minutes. "Cold bed."

"That sucks."

"I'm used to it."

"One of these days, I'm going to convince you to run with me." He smiles as he kicks off his shoes and drops down to his knees on the blanket in front of me.

"That will never happen."

"Is that right?" He leans forward, brushing his lips against mine.

"I'm better as a spectator." I'm his biggest fan, but I'm also a complete failure with running and other athletic activities. I'm just too damn lazy.

"Are you cold?" he asks as he runs his hand over the goosebumps on my knee.

Parts of me are on fire, but I've learned my lesson over and over about teasing him on the beach. If I budge an inch, he'll have me naked and underneath him on this blanket. He's done it before. Thankfully, the occupants of the closest house are like Phil…only here during the summer.

Still, it's too chilly for outdoorsy lovin' today.

"If I am, will you take me inside and warm me up?"

"I'd love to."

I finish my Coke, and he carries the blanket, folding it as we walk. He ditches his shoes on the back deck before following me into the house. I'm in his arms, wrapped around him and grinding, before we make it to the stairs. Instead of stopping for what I'm sure would be an enjoyable though slightly painful round of step sex, he carries me to our bed.

"It drives me nuts when you wear this hoodie," he rumbles as his hands slide up my legs. He rids me of his boxers but leaves the sweatshirt. It will take him a few minutes to decide if he wants to see my boobs or his name and the number thirteen. Most of the time he opts for my tits, but every now and then, he turns me over and things get a little primal.

It's awesome.

Today, the shirt comes off. I'm more than okay with it because there is nothing in the world like feeling his body against mine.

He worked up a sweat while running. I can taste it on his lips…on his skin. But he still smells soapy and delicious.

"Now," I tell him.

"Always rushing me, woman." He tries to sound annoyed but blows it when he groans as he teases me.

"Edward."

His name does the trick every time. I let my knees fall, and he finally gives in, kissing and loving me hard, the way he always has.

We shower quickly and make it downstairs in time to turn on the TV and catch the parade. Last year, Edward had been able to take the weekend after Thanksgiving off from work so we'd gone home for the holiday. No such luck this year.

We're staying in Florida and having our first Thanksgiving away from home.

Scooby is my favorite float. Bart Simpson is his. He makes fun of Kenny Rogers, earning a fist shake from me, and he drools over Vanessa Williams which earns him an elbow in the ribs – a playful elbow, of course. I've done my share of drooling over rocker boys in front of him, so I suppose it's fair.

After the parade, we call Esme on speaker phone, and she talks us through prepping the turkey. I make Edward pull out all the gross stuff, and we make silent gagging faces at each other when she mentions we're going to cook it. He shakes his head, holding his pointer finger in front of his lips as he tosses it into the trash.

We're making all of her best Thanksgiving dishes today. She'd sent me an email last week with recipes for the baked apples I love so much and her dressing. She makes a kick ass dressing.

Carlisle is leaving for work soon, and she'll be having dinner at Emmett's house. I'm glad she won't be alone. I can tell Edward feels guilty. A quick cleavage flash cheers him up, and he smiles as he shakes his head.

Once the turkey is in the oven and the timer is set, she ends the call to spend some time with Carlisle while she can.

"I think my mom just hung up so she could quickie my dad," Edward says. Clearly, he's grossed out.

"It's okay. My parents have sex too. You'll be alright." I pat his hand.

"Speaking of…"

He hugs me tightly, but I'm on to him. When his hands sneak down my back to cup my ass, I catch them with my own. "Nuh uh," I tell him. "We're cooking, remember?"

If we get naked now, we'll have to wait longer for the food.

Edward is always a willing helper in the kitchen, so I put him to work. I like watching him peel potatoes. It's like forearm porn.

A pumpkin spice candle burns in the living room, and the smells coming from the kitchen are divine. The whole house smells like fall. The temps are in the high sixties during the day here in Florida, but I remember flannel and layering this time of year back in Forks.

"Do you ever miss the rain and the cold?" I ask him as he takes the turkey out of the oven and places it on the counter.

"Sometimes, I do. You?"

"Sometimes. I mean, we're getting a tree this weekend, but it's not even cold outside. It doesn't even feel like Thanksgiving."

"You're homesick."

"Am not."

"Bella, it's our first Thanksgiving away from our families. It's okay to be a little homesick. At the risk of sounding like a total pussy, I really miss my mom, and I hate that we can't see our families until Christmas. I wouldn't have been mad if you'd decided to go without me."

"That would have been a much worse case of homesickness. I'm good. I'm just a little sad."

"We'll be sad together and stuff our faces until we feel better. Deal?"

Glancing around the kitchen, I realize we've made enough food to feed a small village. "I hope you're hungry."

We make plates and carry them to the living room. He finds a good football game and twists the caps from two bottles of Heineken, handing me one and then clinking his against mine.

"Happy Thanksgiving, baby."

"Happy Thanksgiving."

This might be the best one yet. Yeah, I miss home, but I have everything I need right here.

He gets more involved in the game than I do, so I slip away during half time to pack up the leftovers. Once everything is put away and the dishes are done, I pull a long distance card from my purse and use it to call Jake.

We chat for a few minutes as I scribble Hannah's clothing and shoe sizes on the notepad next to the fridge. He gives me a few ideas for toys too. I don't even ask him about books. I know exactly which books to give her.

He asks about Edward. I ask about Vanessa and school. They're still going strong for almost a year now, and now that Hannah is in school, Jake is too. He's on track at Peninsula and should graduate one semester before I do. We talk about our dads, and we're done. Jake has never really been the talkative type.

He hands the phone to Hannah, and I listen as she tells me all about a little boy in her pre-K class that has been picking on her. She giggles when I explain that he probably just does it because he thinks she's pretty.

"Daddy's taking me and Nessa to see Jingle All the Way in a little while," she says.

"That's awesome. Are you excited?"

"Yeah. I like it when they take me on dates. We have fun. Where is Ed? Is he there?"

"He's watching football."

"I'm gonna marry him when I grow up and take him on dates to the movies."

I laugh. I can't help it. "You can't marry Edward when you grow up," I tell her.

"Why not?"

"Because he's too old for you." Start with the obvious.

"I'm older. I'm almost five."

Okay. Four year olds are harder to argue with. Point taken. "No. You just turned four, and he's getting older too."

"So?"

"Soooo, you can't marry him."

"Are youuuu gonna marry him?"

I swallow.

It isn't like I haven't thought about it. I just don't know if HE has ever thought about it. Things are great exactly the way they are. We're happy. I'm content.

But taking pictures of weddings and babies for my job and living with him for a little over a year now…

Yeah. I think about it.

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

The sound of the fridge opening behind me is like a cold bucket of ice water. I know. I remember what that feels like.

"Look, Hannah, I've gotta go. Tell your daddy I said bye okay? Have fun at the movie."

"When are you coming home again?"

I've told her twice already, but I tell her again because I know she's only asking because she's excited. "Three weeks."

"Okay. Tell Ed bye too, okay?"

"Okay."

I end the call and put the phone on the charger.

"How long have you been in here?" I ask.

He twists the cap off of a beer, and I watch because his arms are too fine not to. Tanned skin and light fuzz…

"Since you said I was old."

"Old for her," I correct. Shit. He heard it all.

_Ah, screw it. _

May as well go big.

"Do you ever think about getting married?" I ask. If he says no, it's cool. I really am happy with the way things are.

After setting the beer on the counter, he walks slowly until he's close enough to kiss me, but he doesn't lean in.

"All the time."

"Do you WANT to get married? To me, I mean. Someday." _Ugh. Damn. _

"Are you proposing?" He smiles like a cocky bastard.

"You didn't answer me."

"Yes. Of course I want to marry you."

"Why haven't we ever talked about this?"

He sighs. "Honestly? We're still in school and working, and I didn't want you to have to stress over planning a wedding."

"I don't really want a wedding." This much I know. I barely survived my mom's, and my role in it was completely silent. I can't do the big show. No way.

"You don't?"

"No. I want to get married out back on the beach. Just us."

"So you do want to marry me." Now he just looks smug.

"Well, yeah."

"Now?"

"Whenever. If you want to wait until we're done with school, that's fine with me. If you want to get married now, I'm fine with that too."

He steps close, placing his hands on my hips, and leans in. "I hope you're serious. We have a week here at the end of the semester before we leave for Washington. I have to work a few of those days…"

He reaches for the calendar magnet we keep on the fridge.

"Look at that," he says, smiling the sweet smile that makes me feel dumb. "It's perfect."

I nod as he points at the calendar block for Friday the thirteenth of December. It is perfect. Getting married on the fifth anniversary of our first real date will be a story we can tell our grandkids.

If we have kids and grandkids.

"Do you want kids?" I ask. This is something we definitely need to sort out on the front end.

"I'd like to at least have one."

"Two is the max for me. I don't want us to be outnumbered. I'd also like to wait on that part."

"How long?"

"A few years." I wrap myself around him. "I want time for us first."

"Sounds perfect," he agrees. "I'm feeling kind of shitty. Aren't proposals supposed to be kind of a big deal?"

"Well, technically, you haven't proposed and neither have I. We just looked at a date on a calendar and had a discussion about breeding."

"Right," he says. "Well, here goes nothin'." He drops to one knee before I can blink. "Bella, you're still the prettiest girl I've ever seen, and I'm always going to love you…for as long as you want me. Will you marry me?"

"Absolutely."

"In a few weeks?"

"Yes."

"Come here." He pulls me down to the floor with him and kisses me between laughs because even though neither of us had time to get nervous or worried over this discussion, it's still a relief to have it out of the way.

We spend our evening lazing on the sofa, watching _A Christmas Story _and occasionally munching on leftovers.

Edward doesn't complain when I wake him up at three o'clock in the morning to go to Jacksonville with me. Hannah wants a Tickle Me Elmo doll so I need to be at Toys R Us at the ass crack of dawn. He doesn't complain when we have to stand in line for over an hour and fight off genuinely crazy people for a stupid doll either.

We hit the mall next, shopping for our parents and our friends. We buy each other video games that we say will be Christmas gifts even though we both know we'll end up opening them long before Christmas…probably before the end of the weekend if I'm being honest.

After lunch in the food court, he asks if I'm in the mood to catch a movie. We make a quick trip out to the Volvo to drop off our purchases and decide to see _Romeo + Juliet_. It doesn't leave me in tears like the last time I watched this story play out, but it does cause an echo of an ache in my chest, like rubbing a scar.

He surprises me by turning into the lot at one of the local jewelers when we get back to St. Augustine. Instead of asking why, I smile because I know. A sweet round of pillow talk last night had given me a chance to tell him that I don't really want a diamond right now. We know exactly what we want and leave the store with matching thick, silver bands on our ring fingers. Just trying them out.

We stop to buy a tree from some dude in the Winn Dixie parking lot, making it home just after dark and tapping the leftovers before crashing on the couch.

"I love you," I tell him, turning his ring with my thumb. I'm not sure if I've said it today even though I showed him all day long.

"I love you back."

We sleep late on Saturday, leaving Edward rushing to get over to the golf course in time for his afternoon shift. He caddies three or four days a week at the country club. It's an awesome gig…almost like a work out with great tips.

I don't have anything booked for this weekend, so I spend my day wrapping presents and grocery shopping.

Edward is excited when he comes through the door at six. "Guess who I caddied for today?"

"No clue."

"Judge Perkins. I asked him to perform the ceremony. He agreed and gave me the run down on the marriage license and other things we'll need to know."

We visit the county clerk's office the next week for our license. We also dodge phone calls, checking in with our families and friends via email.

It takes us twenty minutes and two phone calls to plan a wedding. His teammate Jared and my friend Chelsea will be the only real guests.

The only glitch we hit is choosing a photographer.

I'm picky.

There are only three people I would trust to take my wedding pictures. One is my boss Stefan. The other two are my co-workers, Paul and Senna. Stefan is booked for the night of the thirteenth, and Senna is on the books to assist. That leaves Paul.

Edward can't stand Paul. The boy is a harmless flirt – and a talented one – but he's also stupid enough to flirt with me in front of Edward. I'd rather stay drama free on my wedding day so I work on Senna all week until she convinces Paul to work for her so I can hire her. It doesn't hurt that I offer to pay her full price.

This makes my future husband very happy.

Chelsea takes me shopping on Friday, and we manage to find the perfect dress – long, white, and medieval hippie with a fitted bodice and bell bottom sleeves. Mom will be so proud. It's pretty and exactly my style.

Making a hair appointment with a stranger hurts, but I have to because I want my hair pulled back in loose braids with tiny flowers worked in. Part of me wishes I could call Carmen and beg her to jump on a plane.

But one would turn into a hundred, and that's just not the type of wedding I want. I don't want to feel scared or sick…I just want to get hitched. Small is good. This is going to be smaller than small which is even better.

With the ceremony stuff out of the way, Edward and I go to school every day, work when we're scheduled, and study for finals.

We ignore tradition and wake up together the morning of our wedding day. It's Friday the thirteenth. What could possibly go wrong?

"Cold feet?" he asks as we say goodbye in the driveway.

"Not a chance."

Seriously. Not a chance.

Chelsea treats me to a manicure and pedicure at the spa.

"I can't believe you're getting married today," she says as the stylists work on our hair. "You're so calm."

_Huh._

I guess I am.

"Give it some time," I tell her. "I'm sure it's going to sink in any minute and I'll start freaking out."

It doesn't happen.

Not even when Edward and I walk down to the beach with our friends and Judge Perkins.

Jared's roommate Evan has shown up as well carrying a guitar case. I'm guessing he's here at Edward's request, but I don't ask.

Our marriage vows are the first time I ever hear my real name spoken from Edward's lips.

"I, Edward, take you Isabella…" he grins as he continues because knows how much I hate Isabella, but I have to admit it sounds good when he says it. It also sounds really good when the judge announces us (to our four guests) as Edward and Isabella Cullen after I've taken him to be mine too.

The kissing part is the best, and I can hear the camera clicking, the waves licking the beach, and our friends talking, but none of it matters.

Evan picks up his guitar and strums the opening chords of "Thank You", and Edward takes the bouquet from me. He hands it to Chelsea before pulling me close. My left hand and his right are tangled above my pounding heart, and it reminds me of the night he held me at my mother's wedding. Only this time a warm silver promise rests between us, and I'm smiling through a few silly tears.

Acoustic guitar, barefoot slow dancing in the sand, the surf…it's all so beautiful, but I close my eyes for a moment, laying my head against his chest because I want to hear the way his heart still matches mine when we're together like this.

Some things never change.

"You're my wife, now," he says quietly.

"I am."

"I know we agreed on the standard wedding vows for the sake of simplicity, but I don't tell you nearly enough how much I love you. You're my best…everything. You're just everything."

"You know I feel the same, right? You promised _forever_. I do too."

It's only one dance, with people watching a few feet away and a camera in our face occasionally, but it might be our best one yet.

Our guests don't linger after the song ends. There's a lot of hugging and hand shaking until we're finally alone on the back deck.

"I have something for you," he says with a sneaky little grin.

"I can't wait." He's looking really hot in khaki dress pants and a white button up. I'm ready to get to the consummation part.

"Are you going to deck me if I insist on carrying you over the threshold?"

For some reason I feel shy for the first time in years. It's such a grown-up, serious thing he's asking to do, and we joke around a lot, but I'm serious about this. About us.

"No," I tell him quietly.

He sweeps me off my feet in the literal sense for the first time. I expect him to drop my heavy ass once we're in the house, but he keeps walking, finally putting me down in the kitchen.

"Close your eyes."

I do without hesitation. After a few moments, he says, "Okay."

There are two champagne glasses on the counter next to a small white paper plate. It's what's on the plate that kills me.

"I know it's not a wedding cake, but it is sort of cake, and well, we've always done things our own way and –"

"Shut up," I whisper. "You silly, perfect boy." Then I kiss him. Because I have to when he does sweet things like giving me Hostess cupcakes as a wedding cake alternative.

When I'm done kissing him, we feed each other cupcakes and sip champagne in our kitchen. I don't even try to hide the stupid smile on my face when he peels the icing off of mine and gives me that part first.

Two glasses is my limit, and when I start pulling the flowers from my hair, he follows me up the stairs. Instead of turning on the light in our room, I walk over to the sliding glass door of the balcony and pull the curtains back.

The sky is my favorite mix of blue, pink, and orange as I push the door open. The ocean has become our new soundtrack since we've been here in Florida.

He doesn't say a word as he steps up behind me, just sweeps my hair across my left shoulder before leaning in to press his lips against the back of my neck. Teasing me with tiny nips and pecks, he slowly unfastens the catches on the back of my dress. Then his hands are warm on my skin, moving up my back and over my shoulders, nudging the fabric down my arms until the dress falls away.

I turn in his arms so he can see the shiny white satin bra and panty set I picked out for him. It's very bride-like. As he stares, I unbutton his shirt and help rid him of his clothes.

The moment he's naked, he pulls me against him. "You're beautiful," he says quietly, sliding a finger beneath the strap of my bra and caressing my skin with his knuckle. With his other hand, he unfastens the clasp in back. Once my bra is out of the way, he drops to his knees in front me much like the day he proposed. Only this time, he leans in and brushes his lips across the skin beneath my navel. "And I love you."

"I love you back," I tell him as I place my hands on his shoulders for balance as his hands sweep over my hips and he catches satin with his thumbs and pulls it down and away.

Then he's on his feet, and I'm lowering myself onto the bed and scooting back on my elbows and ass until I'm at the center. He follows without hesitation but takes his time, burning a path along my body with sweet, hungry kisses until his lips meet mine as he pushes in, deep and swift.

He catches my moan with his mouth, teasing me with teeth and tongue as he buries himself inside me, bottoming out on every stroke.

When I'm close, he brings my leg over his hip and grips my thigh as his lips move to my neck.

I grab a fistful of his hair, trying to pull him closer, even though every part of him is already touching me. He groans, finally letting go and unleashing the way I want him to until we're both left spent, shaking, and breathless.

We stay in bed for days, living off of cereal, delivery food, cheese toast, and canned soup. The only times we leave are when our jobs require it. This is Edward's last week of work until next fall. He'll be too busy in the spring with baseball. A football player from Flagler is taking Edward's position, and they'll switch when the seasons change again. I have two appointments to show pictures and offer packages at the studio.

The rest of the time, we spend on the beach or in bed or occasionally relaxing on the balcony with a blanket wrapped around us.

Alice calls the evening before we leave for Washington.

"I can't make it home this year, Bella. Dad and Lisa both have the flu."

I'm so frustrated, I could cry. We'd only managed to see each other for a week this past summer. But I get it.

"Oh man. That sucks. Is Cynthia sick too?"

"No. Hopefully, she won't get it, but I can't leave her here alone with them."

"It's cool." I glance down at the ring on my hand. "Since you're not coming to Forks, I'm going to tell you something but you have to long distance pinky-swear you won't tell anyone. Not our parents. Not the girls. Not a soul, Alice Brandon."

"Cross my heart."

"I'm married."

"OH MY GOD. Are you fucking kidding me?" She laughs. "That's great. Really, B, I'm so happy for you. Now, spill."

We talk for more than an hour. I tell her all about Thanksgiving and my wedding, and she tells me about work and catches me up on her boyfriend Brady.

It still hurts my heart a little when she talks about him. He's nice enough, and I like him. But he'll never be Jasper. It's none of my business, and their break up had been a mutual decision after Alice had decided to stay an additional year in Mississippi.

Then two years had turned into three. And yeah…it still hurts.

Now, she's a realtor, sharing a house outside Jackson with Brady and two Golden Retrievers.

Somehow, we always seem to miss each other. They were in Forks for Thanksgiving, but we were here. Now we're going home for Christmas, and they can't. Being an adult sucks.

"We'll see each other in February," she reminds me. "Mardi Gras, baby."

"It's going to be awesome."

"I can't wait to see your tits," she jokes.

"That's kind of gross, now."

"Eww. You're right. Never mind."

"Do you think Charlie is going to kill me?" I ask.

She pffts so loudly, I can hear it. "Uh no."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I've gotta go, hooker. We'll talk soon. Merry Christmas."

She hangs up on me before I can get a word out.

I stay out on the deck for a while watching the sun ease down beyond sea and thinking about things like time and distance and how thoroughly things can change.

The patio door slides open behind me.

Edward hands me a beer before sitting in the chair next to mine.

"Alice isn't coming home for Christmas. Her parents are sick."

"I'm sorry."

"Ugh. It sucks, but at least we'll have Mardi Gras." He nods. "Are Emmett and Rosalie coming to the Port this week?" They're both living in Seattle now and going to UW.

"Yeah. We'll see them Sunday for dinner at my parents' house."

"Cool."

"What about Leah?"

"She's coming to Forks with her grandparents on Christmas Eve."

"Jasper emailed me back. He's bringing his gear with him. He said next Monday will be best for him. Do we have plans for Monday?"

"Monday is good."

We slip into silence, watching and listening to the ocean with our fingers loosely hooked between us. Occasionally, he twists my wedding band with his thumb, and I think I like this whole marriage thing.

"We should go to bed soon," he says. "Our flight is at seven, and we have to make the drive to Jacksonville."

I tighten my grip on his hand and pull him through the house, up the stairs, and into our room. This time, I push him onto the bed and then I love him slowly, thankful that somehow we've managed to stick together.

The flight to Seattle is long, and I spend most of it sleeping and drooling on Edward's sleeve. When we get there we have almost an hour to wait for a connection. Alaska Air Lines finally started commuter service to Port Angeles last summer.

It's an uncomfortable ride, and I can't sleep. Our flight scares the shit out of me, and Edward has to wrestle our return tickets away from me to keep me from tearing them into tiny pieces after we've landed.

We're staying with my mom and Phil first this trip. Really, we sort of float between our three sets of parents when we're in town – like a jacked up time share. It's cool though since we have friends in both towns.

They're surprised when we share our big news, but they're also thrilled. Phil hugs Edward as my mom hugs me and then we switch. I give them a small, white photo album loaded with wedding pictures. There are two identical albums in my suitcase for our other parents.

Renee cries a little, and Phil busts out a bottle of champagne to celebrate.

Edward and I share relieved looks. One down. Two to go.

Our moment of reckoning comes Sunday afternoon at his parents' house. Esme notices our matching wedding bands as we walk into the kitchen.

"You're married?" Instead of smiles, her face is pale and horrified.

_Uh-oh. _

"Mom –"

"How could you get married? WHEN did you get married? I can't believe this. You're my only child and you decided to rob me of a wedding?"

Shiiiiiiiit.

Esme is pissed. I don't think I've seen this before. Ever.

Edward grips my hand tightly, pulling me closer instead of letting me back away slowly. Damn him. Angry Esme is scary. I expected this.

From Charlie. But not from Esme.

Carlisle walks into the kitchen with a puzzled look on his face. "What's going on?"

She balls her left fist, placing it on her hip as she turns to face him. Waving her right hand at us, she yells, "They're married!"

He smiles. "Congratulations."

I'm frozen, too shocked to respond and a little afraid of what Esme might say if do.

"Congratulations? Carlisle, they eloped," she complains.

"No, Mom. We didn't. We were married on the beach. It was a small ceremony…only the judge, a few friends, and a photographer. We have pictures."

I pull her album from my purse and hold it out to her. She's crying now, and I feel awful.

"It's my fault," I tell her. "I wanted the Justice of the Peace, and I talked Edward into the beach thing. I have this overwhelming fear of talking in front of people. It's dumb, but I get sick. I had to smoke a joint in the woods behind Forks High before my oral presentation for my Senior English exam. There is no way I could have survived an actual wedding with a large audience. If you're angry, you should be angry with me."

_When am I ever going to learn to just shut the fuck up? _I just told my mother in law that I got high at school.

"I'm angry with both of you," she says before taking the pictures from me and walking away.

Damn. This sucks.

"Give her a while to calm down. She'll be okay." Carlisle hugs us both and helps Edward with the gifts we've brought for them. "Welcome to the family, Bella…officially, that is," he says over his shoulder as we follow him to the family room. His smile and good mood are the only things keeping me from following Esme down the hall and into her room to beg for forgiveness.

She comes out about an hour later and stands in front of the couch so she can stare me and Edward down at the same time. "I called Renee. We've decided to have a reception for you on New Year's Eve at the Olympic Lodge. It won't be large, and you won't have to talk at all Bella, but you will have a cake and there will be music and pictures."

"Okay." I nod, willing to agree to anything that will make her feelings less hurt.

Luckily, the front door opens and moments later, Emmett comes barreling into the room, ending our conversation.

He ignores Esme's aggressive stance and plops down between me and Edward on the couch.

"Wazzzzup," he says, looking at Edward. "Why is Esme's brow doing the twitchy thing?" He turns to look at me. "Wait. Let me guess…you're knocked up."

_What the fucking fuck? _

He reaches over, rubbing my stomach gently before I can push his hand away and tell him to fuck off.

"Emmett, stop pawing my wife." Edward uses his clipped don't-fuck-with-me tone. It's hot. So is hearing him call me his wife.

"Is that why you got married?" Esme asks, looking between us.

"No," Edward tells her. "Bella isn't pregnant. We got married because we wanted to get married."

"You're married?" Emmett asks. He looks down at my left hand then Edward's. "So now you've made her my cousin." He moans. "Way to make things weird, guys." Yeah, he's groaning about it, but he's smiling and mock punching Edward's arm. "Congratulations."

Esme throws her arms in the air. "I give up." She leaves us, walking toward the kitchen to start dinner. The guys follow, begging for snacks.

"Congratulations," Rosalie says quietly as she sits down next to me on the sofa.

"Thanks. Merry Christmas."

"You too. Um…this is weird," she pauses. Then she smiles and holds up her left hand. There's a big shiny rock on it. "Emmett proposed."

"That's great. Congrats to you too."

She still looks mildly uncomfortable, and I'm not sure why because I meant what I said. She isn't some glass princess that Emmett can con. She keeps his ass in line, and he's crazy about her. It works. I'm happy for them.

"Esme told me you take wedding pictures." I must look as surprised as I feel because she rushes to continue. "I'm not asking you for any favors, I swear. I just…shit." She stops and laughs a little. "She said you're really great, and I'd like to hire you. Shit. That's not right either. You're going to be invited anyway. Working isn't the only reason you'd be there. You're Emmett's oldest friend." She waves at my ring. "And the best man's wife. Well, if he says yes."

This girl rambles as much as I do.

"He will, and of course I'll take the pictures. Consider it a wedding gift. When are you getting married?"

"The summer after graduation," she answers. "That will give me eighteen months to plan the wedding."

"Give me the date once it's set so I can mark it on our calendar." This is cool. Best man means a tuxedo. My husband is killer in a tux. "I brought my camera. I could take some engagement pictures next week if you guys are planning to run an announcement."

"You wouldn't mind? I know you have a lot of people to visit when you're home."

"It gets crazy working in three sets of parents, but we try to make time for our friends too. Just figure out a location and we'll set up a time."

Esme steps into the room long enough to say, "I'm opening a bottle of wine if you two are interested."

We are.

Rosalie tells me some of the tentative plans as we make our way into the kitchen. Talking about her upcoming wedding helps take Esme's mind off of my lack of one. It seems my awesome mother in law had already agreed to be Rosalie's coordinator and caterer.

I'll be working with her again. But wow. This will be entirely different…and really cool.

It doesn't take long for our professional wedding talk to bore Emmett. He and Edward steal a couple of brownies before disappearing upstairs, probably to game until dinner is ready.

Over a few glasses of wine, we discuss ideas, colors, and Rosalie's decision to keep the wedding party small. Edward will be the best man. Tanya will be the maid of honor. That's it. She wants an evening wedding with classic black and white for the wedding party. Her childhood piano instructor is a member of a string quartet, and they'll be playing live for the wedding and the reception. She wants to book the Olympic Lodge because she fell in love with the fountains. Her plan is an outdoor ceremony at sunset with dinner and a reception to follow inside.

It sounds classy and cool, and I tell her as much.

Then I invite her to our reception. I know Edward will invite Emmett tonight anyway, but I'm trying to make an effort. A long time ago she made an offer to bury a hatchet, but the wounds had been too fresh, too real. Ours is the type of hatchet that couldn't be buried...it's the type that has slowly disintegrated over time. Time and distance can be good things.

"We'd love to come." She smiles as she nods. "Are you and Edward going to stay in Florida after graduation or come home?"

Esme whips her head to look at me expectantly. Whoa. Yeah, we're married now, but they are giving us way too much credit.

"We haven't really decided." I choose my words carefully. We've had a couple of conversations and discussed the possibility of getting our own place and staying in Florida or moving back to Washington – to Seattle to be precise.

Neither of us have Forks or PA on the short list. It isn't that we don't love our families. In truth, Seattle is probable. We'd both like to be closer to home, but at the same time, we're not ready to come home. Not permanently, anyway.

There is no way in hell I'm going to admit that right now. Not after what happened with Esme earlier. No way. I've already stolen her wedding glory…I'm not going to be the one to rain on her maybe-they'll-come-back-home parade.

Maybe we will someday. We're just not there yet. And I fully intend to let Edward be the one to break it to her…or we can do it together, but not tonight.

Rosalie explains that she and Emmett plan to move back to PA once they're finished at UW.

The oven timer pings, and I'm grateful for the excuse to run upstairs and get the guys. I walk in on them sitting on the floor, leaning against the footboard of Edward's old bed with Sega remotes in hand. They look sixteen and eighteen and twenty one all at the same time, and I know that doesn't make sense, but it's true.

"Dinner," I say as I lean against the wall next to the door.

Emmett drops his remote and ditches us at the mention of food. Edward moves slowly, standing and stretching, and I need his arms for just a minute so I hug him mid-stretch. Always one for hugging, he complies.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm better now."

"That bad?"

"No. Not at all. I'm still feeling guilty about hurting your mom."

"I'm glad you're okay with a reception. I think she'll feel much better about it once we do some of the traditional stuff for her."

"Like feeding each other cake?" I tease.

"Yes. Cake, champagne toasts, the works," he says, pulling me close and swaying slowly with me in his arms. "She's even going to hire a dj."

"I don't know. The last time I danced with you on New Year's Eve, I ended up on my back."

"Actually, that's happened every New Year's Eve you've danced with me," he whispers against my neck before kissing softly and walking us closer to the bed.

"I can't help it. I'm easy."

He laughs, slipping his hands under my shirt at my waist, moving slowly over my ribs and teasing the skin beneath my bra. The moment his thumbs slide under the fabric and find my nipples, my lovely mother in law yells our names from downstairs, using her don't-make-me-come-up-there voice.

"Dammit," he groans, untangling his hands from my tits.

"Later," I promise, kissing him quickly on the cheek and pulling him from the room. Since I'm his _official_ boner shield now, I let him follow me closely with his hands on my hips as we enter the dining room.

We sit quickly and no one seems the wiser.

By the time the dishes are clean and put away, I can barely keep my eyes open. The rest of the gang plans to watch a movie, but I'm desperate for a nap. I'm still on Florida time.

Edward tells them to start the movie without him as he walks up the stairs behind me.

"Are you sure you don't want to leave? We can hang out with my family some other time," he offers.

"Why don't we stay here tonight? You can watch the movie with the fam while I recharge."

I can feel his grin against my ear as he whispers, "I like the sound of that."

The sheets don't smell like Edward anymore, so it takes me a few minutes to get comfortable but once I do, I'm out. Sometime during the night, he slides in behind me and wakes me as he pulls me against his chest.

"Sorry," he whispers.

"Don't be," I tell him. I bitch and moan occasionally about him smothering me in the bed, but it's almost always when I'm PMSing. He recognizes when I'm getting my psycho on, and he's learned to just ignore it. Deep down, he knows I love the snuggling.

"How sleepy are you?"

"That depends on why you're asking."

His fingers are already tugging my panties. "I was thinking we could hit it. For old times' sake."

"God, you're so romantic."

"Sorry. In my defense, I've been hanging out with Emmett all day."

True.

"What about your parents?"

"I locked the damn door," he says proudly. "We're married now, and I can do whatever I want to with you in this bed."

Somehow I manage to keep quiet as he shows me all the things he wants to do. It's hard because he knows me inside and out, and he does everything he knows I love while occasionally reminding me to be quiet. I've said it before: he's a demon.

Unfortunately, both of his parents have already gone to work by the time we wake up Monday morning, and we don't get a chance to tell them goodbye.

After meeting Emmett and Rosalie for a late breakfast at the Waffle House, we decide to go straight to Forks instead of putting it off any longer. He tunes the radio of the rental car to a classic rock station, and we sing along, exaggerating lyrics while mentally preparing ourselves for another round of _tell the parents we got hitched. _

This is going to be fun.

We both sit silent after he parks in front of my dad's house. He turns the key, killing the ignition, and exhales slowly. "Charlie is going to kill me. Isn't he?"

"No. Charlie loves you." He gives me a look instead of saying, "Are you fucking crazy?" out loud. "It's going to be fine. You'll see."

I'm hoping I'm right. After all, he and Jeanette had eloped during my freshman year, and he hadn't even bothered to call me. Alice ended up having to break the news.

I get out first and Edward follows. There's a weird moment I hesitate at the front door with an urge to knock. Then I remember this is my house. I don't live here anymore, I have a husband and my father has a new wife, but it still feels like home.

"Hey," Charlie says as he stands, and the smile on his face has me dropping my crap in the middle of the living room floor so I can hug him. I miss a lot of people, but I miss my dad the most.

"Hey, Dad."

"Edward," he says over my shoulder.

"Chief."

Figuring it's best to just come clean immediately and get it out of the way, I blurt, "We're married."

Charlie leans back, making a weird, scrunchy face with his brows furrowed and his mouth hanging open. "Come again?"

"Turns out I'm a lot like my dad." It's a friendly reminder that I didn't do anything he hasn't done.

"That's…" His facial expression is changing every few seconds as he works through whatever is going in his head. He looks at Edward then me. "Great." He's finally found a smile, and I'll take it even if it is a sad one.

"These are for you and Jeanette," Edward tells him, holding out the last copies of our wedding pictures.

Charlie takes them from him, pulling him into a sort of man hug. He whispers something too quietly for me to hear, but whatever it is can't be good because Edward looks a little pale. When Charlie is done, my poor husband nods, and my dad releases him.

"Alright then," he says cheerfully. "Let's check out these pictures." He takes the center cushion of the sofa, so Edward and I have no choice but to sit on either side of him.

He looks much happier as he flips through the pictures. Midway through the album, the front door opens and Jeanette walks in with a bag of hair care products from Louise's in her hand. Just seeing the bag makes me long for Carmen even though I know she and Elliot aren't going to make it back to Forks until the day after Christmas this year. They're visiting his grandparents in Colorado.

Jeanette tosses the bag onto the chair before shimmying out of her coat with her back to us.

"Holy shit." I can't believe my eyes when she finally turns around. Either my stepmom ate half of a basketball or my father has knocked her up.

"Bella…" Charlie looks constipated, and that's kind of okay because I feel like knocking the shit out of him right now. And Alice. She was here for Thanksgiving. She knew.

_Whoa._

Alice and I are going to share a sibling. That's kind of weird. Leah was only half right back on graduation day. We don't always get to make our own families. Most of the time, they're made for us. If someone had told me five years ago that someday I'd be Emmett's cousin, related to Rosalie Hale, have a stepfather and a stepmother I love, have siblings, and be MARRIED…I would have probably punched that person in the face and called him or her an asshole.

This certainly isn't what I had imagined for myself. But I wouldn't change a thing.

"I'm happy for both of you," I tell them. "I'm a little freaked out and a tad grossed out but seriously…ninety nine percent happy for you. Just…a phone call would be nice."

"Is that going to work both ways?" Charlie asks. "Because I'm pretty sure I found out that you and Edward had moved in together during a fishing trip with your grandpa and Phil, and my wedding invitation must have gotten lost in the mail."

Looks like Charlie brought his A game today. He also makes a valid point. I really am like my dad in so many wonderfully horrible ways.

"You win," I tell him. "Just remember what you told me about the apple and the tree and 'all that,'" I tease.

Jeanette takes the wedding pictures from him and looks through them as I tell them both about the reception on New Year's Eve. Dad has worked every New Year's Eve that I can remember, but he promises to be off for this, even it means scheduling a rookie to work the holiday so Mark and his family can come too. Jeanette is already scheduled off that evening because of her rotation.

We spend our afternoon catching up and then eating a greasy, unhealthy dinner at the diner since my stepmom is craving scrambled eggs, chili cheese fries, and a strawberry milkshake.

Gross.

They invite us to come with them to see a movie in PA, but we've already made plans for the night so we head back to the house.

Jasper shows up around seven with a tattered backpack in his hand and McKenna at his side. She smiles, pulling her lip ring with her teeth nervously.

Her hair is bright pink this time, cut into a bob with thick bangs. It looks great on her. Turns out Mike's boyfriend Casey had been right. Their ex-roommate McKenna does have excellent taste in everything. Including guys.

Jasper had gone through a rough patch a few months after he and Alice had broken up.

Mike and Jasper have several friends in common so Mike had been the one to tell me Jasper was whoring it up with a different chick every weekend. That had lasted for nearly six months.

Then there had been a "booze instead of dames" phase for a couple of months. Edward and I had been on the receiving end of some worrisome late night, drunken phone calls. So had Alice.

Angry phase came last and hit the hardest, landing him in a jail cell overnight on a drunk and disorderly charge.

He met McKenna a short while later when Mike had introduced them at a party. They've been together since. I like the girl, and I think she's awesome, so I try not to be sad that she's not Alice or miss the way things used to be.

Since this is Edward's first tat, I let him go first. It's an easy design but one that I love. He's having a Roman numeral thirteen tattooed onto his back, above his right shoulder blade.

XIII in bold, black letters. It's his lucky number. It's our lucky number.

He winces a couple of times when Jasper gets close to bone but handles it like a champ. Way better than I did my first time.

When the big tat is done, Edward gives me long look. "You're sure about this." After my nod, he pulls his wedding band off, handing it to me before flipping his left hand over.

"Some people call this the kiss of death," Jasper says as he free hands a tiny, block, lower case B where Edward's ring finger meets his palm.

"We call it forever," Edward answers, looking up at me as he says it.

It takes a few minutes for Jasper to sanitize the gun, open a new needle pack, and dish out some fresh ink. I feel bad that he's going to all this trouble to give me a tiny, matching, wedding tat.

But it's the only tat I want tonight. This will even us up. Two and two.

I slide my own ring off and offer Jasper my hand. It hurts more than I expect it to but not nearly as bad as the neck tat.

When he's finished, he wipes away the residual ink and blood, and I'm left with a beautiful, black, lower case E etched in cursive in the spot that matches Edward's.

It stings a little, but I love it. It's worth every bit of the pain.

Jasper and McKenna hit the back porch for a smoke, leaving us alone in the kitchen. "Do you like it?" he asks, reaching for my fingers and pulling my hand closer so he can see.

"I love it."

"Good."

Every kiss in this kitchen is like déjà vu or a memory and still brand new somehow. Before I realize it, my back is against the counter and I'm trying to wiggle my way up his body. In my haste, I forget his new tattoo and manhandle his back a little too roughly.

"Ahhh," he says with clenched teeth.

Definitely not a good ahhh. _Oops._

"I'm sorry." Since I can't kiss it better, I kiss his neck instead and keep my hands still at his waist.

"Oh damn," Jasper says as he and McKenna enter through the back door. "I thought getting married would cure your need to have your tongues all over each other every five minutes."

"Stop it," she says, hitting his arm. "It's romantic."

"You want romance?" He turns, catching her hand and lifting it into the air. She spins like a ballerina until she faces him again. "They're two-steppin' over at Buster's tonight. I'm in the mood to dance."

Edward still has zero love for country music, but we never see Jasper, and having this time is important to us. There's a small crowd at the bar even though it's Monday and two days before Christmas. I'm not really surprised. There isn't a long list of things to do in Forks.

Over dollar longnecks, Jasper tells us Peter and Charlotte have finally scored a record deal. Both of their previous bands had fallen apart for unrelated reasons. They'd assembled different members of the old to form the new and cut a demo. It took them a year and a half of playing shitty clubs for nickels and dimes before they'd picked the right spot on the right night.

The band playing at Buster's couldn't be more different. They open with a lively country number that has Jasper and McKenna ditching us mid-sentence. Edward and I sip beer and talk, watching the couples on the floor.

Right before I can suggest a game of pool, a new song starts, and he leans in to whisper, "Wanna dance?"

I'm shocked but I move quickly before he changes his mind because I love dancing with him. We find a spot on the floor, and I let him lead as he sings the words to "Shameless" near my ear. I don't say anything until the song is over, but I can't curb my curiosity. "I didn't know you were a Garth fan."

"I'm not," he says, smiling as he shakes his head. "It's a Billy Joel song."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. It was one of my mom's favorite albums for years."

We make our way over to the pool table, and it doesn't take long for Jasper and McKenna to join our game and our discussion about multiple artists cutting the same music and crossing genres.

As we're going our separate ways in the parking lot, I invite them to our reception. They both want to come but can't. They have to get back to Seattle for work, and they'll be leaving the day after Christmas. So we say our goodbyes and exchange hugs, wishing each other happy holidays and all kinds of other cheesy stuff.

"You know I was just messin' around with you earlier about the kiss of death thing," Jasper says as he opens the door of his new black Jetta. "I'm really happy for you guys."

"Thanks, J," I tell him. "You need to bring your inked-up ass to Florida for a visit sometime. We've got ocean front property, bitch."

"Soon." He grins before ducking into the car and slamming the door.

Christmas Eve finds us back in the Port celebrating early with my mom, Phil, and Grandpa. Christmas morning belongs to Carlisle and Esme and Edward's family. Well, technically, I guess they're my family too. In some ways they always have been even before we tied it up with this marriage business and matching rings and tats.

We leave after lunch and make our way to Forks for our third Christmas in two days.

Jake's car is parked out front, and I worry for a second that Hannah is going to be upset when she finds out Edward is married, but it's all for nothing. We tell her and she shrugs, stating she'll marry Steve from Blue's Clues instead. I laugh even though I don't know what she's talking about. She still makes people dumb.

Jake tries to turn down my invitation to our reception.

"There is no way I can find a babysitter on New Year's Eve, Bella. No way."

"You don't have to. The whole family is invited, Jake, Hannah too. It's a reception, not a bachelor party. Vanessa would probably dig it too. Esme is hiring a dj and there will be free booze."

"Will there be other kids there?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter. With Edward, Carlisle, and Charlie there, I'm sure we can keep her dance card full."

He laughs. "Don't forget me. I get her first dance."

"Cool."

I'm so glad he's starting to loosen up a little and do fun things for himself now that Hannah is a little older. Billy has been able to help more with childcare since she is potty trained and old enough to follow directions.

Leah comes over after dinner, and we all sit around in Charlie's living room, talking and drinking and opening gifts with _It's a Wonderful Life _on the television in the background. Hannah plays with Tickle Me Elmo until I want to rip out his batteries and throw them into the woods out back.

She falls asleep on Charlie's lap before it comes to that. Thank goodness.

Leah asks me to join her outside for a smoke, and I know she's not talking about a Marlboro. Rachel comes too, and we make our way back to the Think Tank to burn one. Jake and Edward follow a few minutes later. The guys pass on the weed. Jake has Hannah and Edward has a baseball physical in less than a month.

We stand around shivering as we chat and laugh over old stories. Jake and Leah have been surprisingly friendly to each other all afternoon, and I can't help but be grateful that their hatchet seems to have disappeared too.

I walk her out to her car later when she needs to get back to her family. We share a quick hug before she opens the door. "Don't forget – we have a date Friday. We'll make Carmen come too. We're going to need killer dresses for this reception."

"Can't wait," I mutter.

"Liar. Do you care if I invite Eric? He booty-called me when he came to Portland for a STP concert. I'm in the mood to return the favor." She winks. "It's been a while."

"Knock yourself out."

Jeanette is exhausted by the time everyone else leaves, so Edward and I offer to clean up so she can rest. She jumps at the chance to turn in early, apologizing through her yawns as she and my dad make their way up the stairs.

It only takes minutes to load the dishwasher and wipe the counters. We turn the lights off as we walk through the house to the living room. The tree lights are blinking softly in the corner as we stretch out on the couch.

As soon as we're settled, he places a small wrapped gift in my hand.

"I thought we agreed that Mardi Gras would be our present to each other this year?"

"Just open it."

I recognize the box from my favorite vintage store back in Florida. Inside is a heart-shaped pewter locket. He takes it from me and shows me how to open it, smiling when I notice our shrunken wedding picture tucked inside. Engraved on the other side is one simple word.

_Always._

-o-

**A/N- Happy Holidays!**

**Thanks for reading. **

**The Give Away Girl has been nominated in a couple of categories over at Fandom Choice Awards. Thanks, guys! Your love for this story never ceases to amaze me. If you feel like voting, visit: fandomchoiceawards dot com. **

**This is it for BPOV. See you over at The B Sides. Take care, y'all. **


End file.
